Rebel
The night of All Hallows Eve. Mischief Night. Masks scattered the ground, eggshells, toilet paper, anything and everything. And here I was walking though the middle of it.
I wanted to forget about it all. All of it. All Of IT! That’s why I was out here. Away from all of that. All that shit that was put on me, because of some whim. Why me, huh? Yeah, I don’t know why either.
I was angry, upset at what happened last night. I didn’t want to be there, I didn’t want to be anywhere right now. I didn’t want to adjust, to cope. I didn’t want… to be bothered. But she doesn’t understand that. No one that old understands anything. Some oxymoron.
Letting out an exasperated sigh, I continued walking down this abandoned street I found, while wondering. It felt like it used to be a residential area. Lots of houses, few streetlights, and a ton of trees. A whole mess of them. I’ve never seen so many trees surrounding a town in my life. Ha… Life, my life. What Life!
The sound of an eggshell crunching underfoot brought my attention back, keeping me from my self-destructive thoughts. I’ve been having a lot of them this time. Much more than before. Much more than all of the other times I ran from this. Her.
“How long ago was it…” the sound of my voice made my blood race. Six. It had to be about six hours since I left, since I heard something human. Had I really been walking all that time? I had made sure that I left before she woke up. I didn’t need to fight my way out again. It always came down to too much fucking work.
“So it’s about what..? Two in the morning, then?” I whispered. I don’t know why I was whispering. No one was around, and if they were I didn’t give a fuck who heard. Plus I needed to hear something, even if it was the sound of my own voice.
But why was I out so late and so far away from home? Home… A Fucking Hellhole isn’t a home.
My pace slowed and my gaze caught sight of the sinking moon. I needed something full and new in my life. Not this bloodlust crazed bitch, mind-fucking shit. I didn’t need it! I didn’t want any of it…
Thoughts and images flew in and out of my head. Images of her, memories of her voice, touch and scent racked my mind. Everything just felts so overwhelmingly heavy and I just wanted it to stop. I didn’t want to be the center of her hellish circle.
“Then why have you not slain me yet? Why have you not defeated your demon? Is it because you cannot? Or is it because you understand that You truly do not hate me so?”
Her voice, it filled me, body and soul until there was no more of me left. It was a choking sensation that filled my eyes with hot tears and stopped me in my tracks. No, I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t! But when I closed my eyes a small stream trickled down my cheeks.
Reaching out I caught myself, hugging one of the closer birch trees. I turned my body so that my back touched bark and slid down. I sat on the cold ground hugging my knees. The feel of the cloth of my jeans rubbing against my cheek calmed me down somewhat.
“Come back to me. You are hungry and cold, now. And you will surely not sur—“
Her voice echoed in my mind. “Get The Hell Out Of My Head!!” I screamed and clutched my ears, shutting my eyes as tightly as I could. I felt like a little kid. A hopeless little one, that couldn’t do anything except to cower and wait for the worst. “I don’t need you,” I said softer with only a touch of the scream kept in my voice, the tears still flowing silently.
“Then why are you crying?”
I let my hands ease from my head. It wouldn’t help me block her out. Nothing would. Not now. “You won’t let me Die! I don’t want this! I can’t—“
“You’ve said this before, multiple times. Please, come back. Let me ease your pain.”
“No! I can’t. I can’t come back to you.” If she wanted me, she’d have to drag me back. Something that always seemed impossible for her to do. Something that I thought I’d be able to prevent. I didn’t want to go back…
“Why not? What have I done to you for you to repeat this again?”
“…you’ve taken all that I had, needed, wanted, craved for when you killed me.”
“I did not kill you. How could I have if you still breathe and are not confined to the same restrictions as I?”
“You… You killed me. You killed my mortality, when I would have enjoyed Dying! I’D RATHER HAVE DIED… than to be what I am now…”
“Many people would have given anything for that—“
“I WOULDN’T HAVE!” I screamed again, “I’m not them! But…it just seems as if you’ll never understand that.” She won’t ever understand that I never wanted this. My head was swimming again and made me light headed. I took a shaky breath. And in that moment her energy washed over me. A cooling power that flows like the wind. She used it to calm me often when I was like this. When I was in this state of ‘life-loathing’. But she couldn’t do it like the mind-tricks she pulled off now. She had to be close enough for her aura to pass over me. Unless… My eyes traveled slowly up, from the tip of my knees to the hem of a moon white silk dress in front of me. I stared for what seemed like forever before the figure knelt down and our eyes locked. The stream of tears that had fallen down my cheeks had started to dry up when I started to cry again.
She reached towards me, to wipe my tears, but I pulled back, “…don’t touch me.” I snapped at her though that never stopped her. She cupped my face in her cold hands. So cold it sent a shiver down my spine. All of the heat from my anger, my hate, was drowning in this cooling wave.
“Your mind is broken once again. Let me mend the pieces you are so desperately trying to destroy…” She leaned in and when I didn’t fight it she kissed me. That one touch took my breath away. All of my previous thoughts were taken over, replaced, by my need of her mouth on mine. I stopped hugging my knees and wrapped my arms around her. I raised and pinned her to the ground, kissing back with all that she would let me. I need this… But somewhere in the back of my mind, someone was saying, It won’t last. But I paid no attention to it and rode her kiss until…
---------------
It seemed as though I closed my eyes for only a moment during our kiss. But I was wrong on that one. Damn. How was she able to fuck my mind like that? I thought I was getting better at blocking her tricks and… and…
My body ached. I had been standing to long from the way I was locked up. My wrists and ankles were bound apart. I was spread open, leaving me vulnerable for her and anything else she allowed. I’m restrained?
“For your own protection…”
My head swam as I fought to open my eyes and see her face while she spoke to me. I wanted her to see how angry I was, not through my voice, but through these eyes of mine.
Slits of light forced me to go back to keeping them closed for a moment.
“Open them now,” her voice called out.
I did, tentatively. For the moment her word was law and all I wanted were rules. It was from that kiss we had. Whatever she did was slowly fading away but the residue, it was that that was messing with how I was thinking right then. With my eyes lazily open, I waited for the room to come to focus. I blinked slowly, trying to take in the room.
Then it hit me. This room. I had been caught, brought home once more like a habitual runaway child.
“But you know that I do no see you as such,” her voice was soothing. She knew I was angry or getting there, and was trying to ease me out of it.
“…stay out of my head,” even to me that sounded kind of groggy. I took a deep breath and tried to stand. My knees buckled and all that kept me up where the restraints attached to my wrists.
I closed my eyes then looked to her. She stood in the center of everything, dressed in that silk dress she found me in. It was thin enough that I could see she wore nothing under it. She wore a gold ringed belt and a necklace with the dress. It draped her shape beautifully… Heh, beautiful? What the hell did she do to me? Her royal purple hair fell in long loose curls down her back, almost reaching the back on her knees. I loved the feel of her hair when…
No. I shook my head and stopped mid-motion from the pain in my neck. Then I remembered the dull throb of my body aching. Without looking down. I saw through her eyes what she had done. I was completely naked and she had been the one to remove my clothes. She marked me, bit me and drew blood from every spot. My neck, the soft mound of my breasts, my thighs and any place she wanted, except…
I felt the heat rush to my face. A mixture of embarrassment and anger. More anger than anything. She hurried to me and cupped my cheeks in her hands, making my hate seep out. “Let me be angry,” I wanted to say, but the feel of her hands… They where no longer cold. Her hands held the warmth that my blood gave to her. She fed from me…
“Only to calm you down… If I had left you as such, after our kiss,” her thumb grazed my bottom lip, “you would have destroyed yourself.”
“So why didn’t you!?” I sounded hoarse, it was annoying. I wanted to sound mad not sick and needy.
She drew up on her toes in front of me and kissed me. I could feel the fabric on the front of my body as our bodies touched, kissed. It was as if her mouth fed from mine. When she pulled back I was left speechless, my throat less scratchy than before.
“If I were to do that… Then who would I have left?”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be lost in those sorrowful, wistful eyes of hers. They drew me into her world too many times before. Too many times when I could have been on my own and died. I didn’t want any of this.
“Kei,” she called my name, “would you really want me to do such a thing as to let you destroy yourself?”
Why wouldn’t she just say ‘kill’? “…yes,” I said softly. It sounded as if I was unsure of myself. I really didn’t give a fu—
“Please. Calm yourself. No more of such abusive language,” she touched my temple them my lips.
“Untie me…”
“No,” she said.
I struggled with the chains and ropes that bound me, “’No’!?”
“You are too wild now. And I haven’t finished mending your mind.”
“MY Mind Needs No MENDING…” I said and tugged again at the chains around my left wrist making the metal it was attached to whine.
“Please, Kei stop before you hurt yourself.”
“Then let me Go!”
“I cannot.”
I laughed and received that sad look she always gave me when I’ve done or said something out of ignorance, “Haha… You can’t or you won’t?” It felt so good to be angry, to rage. I needed this… I wanted this…
She took a couple of paces back and turned around hiding her face from me. Her head bowed and it looked as if she was messing with her belt.
“Answer Me YURI!!” I pulled again at the chains and ropes. I felt warm liquid ooze down my right arm. And as I looked up blood trickled down in rivulets. If I killed myself this way in front of her, what difference would it make? It would kill her inside seeing my die. Kill her inside the same way she destroyed me that day.
I was fuming. But while I waited for her to answer Me… the sight of her deep purple hair enticed me. Causing some of my temper to fade. How many times had I held her and been covered in that soft pillow of hair.
“Gah!!” I closed my eyes and held them, trying to erase that image for my memory.
“I won’t…” she said softly.
Her voice brought me back. I looked at her ankles and another memory came washing in. I wanted rid of them, but they kept flooding back. I couldn’t look at her and not think of something we’ve done.
I talked, gaining back the rage I had before, “Why?”
“Because,” she turned to face me, “I am afraid of what you will do to me and yourself.”
Lies. She was a master vampire. Nothing I could do would harm her.. Not permanently, “You weren’t afraid before…”
“Because I could control you before,” she bowed her head and hid her gaze again. Yuri held herself and sighed.
I laughed and pulled at the bonds again, “And now You Can’t!” I laughed and laughed. When I was able to talk again, my voice held all the malice it could hold, “If that’s the reason… THEN WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LET ME GO!” My voice bellowed and echoed in the room. I had pulled my hardest and one of the chains popped, leaving my left arm free. But it was useless, as I couldn’t help myself with it anymore.
“Because, I Need You KEI!” She glided toward me. And that sudden outburst of her stopped me cold. Through her voice I felt her power, her extreme power that she wouldn’t use to save her life. “Because, as my human servant I cannot live without you. Nor would I want to.” Her voice returned to that soft normal of hers.
“…then find another,” the coldness of my voice was slipping as she came closer. It felt strangled. She touched my face and kissed my lips gently.
“…let me go, Yuri,” I said. My abrupt change of mind was all of her doing. Just from a touch she could still my rage. Let go and I tried to bite her hand off.
“Until you can control yourself, I will not. I cannot. I love you too much,” she said.
“This… this isn’t love, Yuri!” I jingled the chains on my left arm, the one I broke free of but couldn’t lift. The cuffs felt heavier than they should have been. “Love isn’t forced…”
“I know. And I’m sorry. But—“
“But nothing! If you’re so sorry, then let me go!” All of the energy I was putting into struggling was wearing me down. Fuck. Fatigue was getting to me.
“I will not. Please understand this,” she stepped back yet again and reached for my face again. But I jerked away. How the fuck was I suppose to understand her when she couldn’t understand me!? She let her hand drop and headed for the door.
“Do Not Leave ME Like THIS!” I called out and thrashed about.
“If it will help clear you mind, then I shall let you stay as such. If you are to break free during the morning, then so be it. You will no be able to get out of this ro—“
“I hate you…” I said, my head bowed, my knees slack. I felt so damn tired. Dead to everything. I just didn’t want to care anymore.
I didn’t hear when the door opened then closed. I hadn’t seen when she left. But I felt her pain and sorrow I caused. And for now, other than her death, it was the only comfort I had. I know you can hear me. Yuri.
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