Story: Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride (chapter 3)

Authors: Allaine

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Chapter 3

[Author's notes: Author's Note - While only Chapters 1 and 2 included dialogue from "Maid of Honor", this chapter and those that follow will probably use dialogue or refer to events that took place in subsequent episodes. In such instances, asterisks will be used to identify such moments.]

Chapter 3

"Audrey, what's going on?" Diana asked as she emerged from the elevator. They had to be several floors below ground level. Audrey was waiting for her. "What was so urgent?"

"You will understand in a minute, Diana," Audrey replied quietly. She wore a simple black dress. Most of her wardrobe had been incinerated in the ruins of the palace. "But first, I must ask that you go through those doors." She pointed to a set of double doors to the left. "There you will find representatives of the United States."

"The American government?" Diana said cautiously. "Is there trouble?"

Audrey sighed. "Hopefully not, if this goes well. But please, treat me as Queen Audrey, not your friend, Diana. As you told me two nights ago, for now it's better if our relationship, when noticed at all, is seen as purely professional."

Diana understood and nodded. "Of course, Queen Audrey," she replied.

"Thank you, Wonder Woman." But Audrey's eyes glimmered with amusement for a brief moment before she turned and left through a different set of doors to the right.

Making her own way to the left, Diana discovered at least a dozen American men and women in military and civilian attire waiting on one side of a glass partition. "Glad you could make it, Wonder Woman," one of the men in suits said, offering his hand.

She recognized him, along with a couple generals. "Mr. Secretary of State," she said politely, accepting his hand and shaking it. "I wasn't given a full explanation as to why we're gathered here. Perhaps you could fill me in?"

The Secretary was about to respond when Queen Audrey swept in to the room from the other end, flanked by two officers. "Welcome to Kasnia," she said to them. "I am grateful you chose to come."

The military men scowled as the Secretary's face became cordial but impassive. "Your Highness," he said. "How is your father today?"

"There has been no change," she told him. "We have learned the nature of the poison that did this to him, but as of yet we have not located an antidote."

"Poisoned? How did you learn this, and from whom?" the Secretary asked. Diana had of course given a full report to the League, but few details had leaked out to the world governments.

Her jaw tightened. "From the man who ordered it, Mr. Secretary. From Vandal Savage."

She gestured to the partition, which separated them from another room, this one with only four bare walls and a floor. A door opened and two physically imposing soldiers wheeled in a third man. He was securely strapped to a stretcher, which was then set so that he could face the others.

Diana realized what the room reminded her of. It was reminiscent of the execution chambers where prisoners were given lethal injections in certain countries.

"Vandal Savage III?" the Secretary asked. "You have him? Alive?"

"If I could find a way to have him dead, I would," Audrey said dryly. "But as you shall see, that's easier said than done."

Savage looked at them all and leered at them. "How nice. More children."

"On behalf of Kasnia," Audrey told them, "I offer my sincerest apologies for the actions taken by the Kasnian government under this man's regency. He is a war criminal, and he is responsible for the destruction in the Atlantic Ocean that cost your government three of its warships. I have invited you here today to turn him over into your custody. In case you were afraid of some kind of trick," she explained, "I asked that Wonder Woman be present as well. I owe her my life, you see, and your government made no objections to her presence."

"Who would object to a heroine of her stature?" the Secretary asked. "Especially one who wears the red, white, and blue."

Diana had never told anyone that her choice in costumes had nothing to do with the American flag, and she felt no need to correct this man now. "I just want to see Vandal Savage receive justice."

"How can we be sure this is the real Vandal Savage?" a general asked suspiciously.

"Wonder Woman witnessed the things Savage's body is capable of," Audrey told him. "Isn't that right?"

Diana nodded. "Mr. Secretary, through some sort of contact with interstellar radiation, Vandal Savage has found a way to cheat both death and the aging process. I myself witnessed him survive the meteorite that leveled the royal palace the other night. The Israeli government," she mentioned, "might be interested to know that he is the same Vandal Savage who was a Nazi war criminal in the 1940s."

"You're saying he cannot die?" the Secretary of State asked, incredulous.

Audrey went to the intercom. "Show our guests the wonder that is Vandal Savage," she told the soldiers in the other room.

Savage rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. Do you have any idea how boring torture is?"

One of the sergeants drew his handgun and shot him twice, once in the thigh and once in the stomach.

Several of the Americans gasped or screamed, but Diana watched calmly as Savage writhed against his bonds for a short time. Then, panting heavily, he raised his head. "Pain," he growled, "like all other sensations, loses its luster after a while."

"I object to this display, Queen Audrey," the Secretary of State said angrily. "This kind of torture is not acceptable in the United States!"

"But we are in Kasnia, not the United States," she replied, "and this display is about saving Kasnia."

Vandal Savage's cries redoubled now as his torn flesh slowly regrew. The bullets in his abdomen and thigh popped out of the wounds and plinked on the floor, as if the wounds were mouths spitting seeds from a bite of watermelon. Muscle and skin knit back together until the only sign of an injury was the blood that had dripped down his chest and onto his pants.

"That," Diana said coldly to everyone in the room, "is the real Vandal Savage."

Audrey had left the intercom on, and he heard Wonder Woman's remarks. "I'm offended," he sneered. "There will only be one Vandal Savage. Imitations need not apply."

"You may try him in one of your courts, or one of your military tribunals," Audrey told them. "You can even try him before the U.N. It is not my concern what you do with him. I also have a Colonel Vox in custody who was Savage's number-two man in this enterprise. He's not exactly - talking very much, but I'm sure the men the Justice League captured on the space station will confirm that Vox was their immediate superior officer."

"Needing a couple scapegoats to save your country's hide?" an Air Force general asked.

"They're not scapegoats if they're the ones responsible," Audrey replied coolly.

"She's right," Diana volunteered, wanting to help Audrey without sounding biased in her favor. "The Justice League will be releasing a complete report on our encounter with Savage and his men. It's our opinion that King Gustav and Princess Audrey were in no way involved with Savage's conspiracy."

"You can't just turn back the clock by handing these men over, Queen Audrey," the Secretary of State warned her.

She smiled bitterly. "I wish I could, Mr. Secretary, or my father would still be king of Kasnia and the royal palace would not be a stone quarry." Audrey turned away from Savage's cell. "I am sure our diplomats can work out some additional concessions. Perhaps the Kasnian treasury could create some sort of compensation fund for the families of the sailors who lost their lives."

The Secretary considered this for a moment before he turned to confer with the other Americans.

Diana wanted to talk to Audrey, but she knew she couldn't at that moment, and so she was forced to stand there, ignoring the monster in his cage.

"Your Highness," the Secretary finally told her, "we can take Savage into custody now, if you don't mind. As for the rest of it, I'll need to speak with the President, but I believe things can be worked out between our nations."

Audrey smiled slightly. "I'm sure you're right," she said.

"Wonder Woman?" the Secretary asked. "We weren't exactly expecting to be transporting a prisoner, much less one with such unique characteristics. Would you be willing to accompany the prisoner back to the United States, in case he tries anything?"

"Much as I prefer not to look at his smug face," Diana told him, "it would be my pleasure."

"Thank you for coming, Wonder Woman," Audrey told her.

"If I can do anything to avert hostilities, Queen Audrey," Diana answered neutrally.

"It is always better to have friends than enemies," Audrey said quietly.

Diana smiled slightly, and then she didn't see Audrey again for almost a full day.

__________________________________

"Audrey?"

"Eek!"

Audrey grabbed up the bedsheets and held them against her body.

Diana blushed and looked away. "Sorry, sorry!"

"Oh, it's you, Diana," Audrey said, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Now unconcerned, she allowed the sheets to drop from her body, revealing her nudity from the waist up. "Just because you can fly through someone's window doesn't mean you shouldn't use doors on occasion."

Chancing a second look, Diana coughed and resolutely turned her head away again. "I thought we agreed on secrecy for now," she reminded Audrey. The princess' sudden lack of concern for her state of undress didn't exactly surprise Diana. When they'd gone shopping last week - before Savage's insane plan, before the destruction of the palace, before her father's condition, before a lot of crazy things - Audrey had insisted they use the same changing booth while they looked for new dresses. Coming from an island whose inhabitants weren't quite so prudish about the human body as they were in most of civilization, Diana found Audrey's freewheeling ease refreshing.

When she'd changed the following night behind closed doors - that had been more of a surprise.

"Flying through my hotel room window at eight o'clock in the morning isn't exactly subtle, Diana," Audrey replied with a grin as Diana abandoned her false modesty and looked at her. The princess had been forced to stay at a hotel in the capital city. Two floors of security men, but no one saw fit to monitor the windows - perhaps because Audrey told them not to bother.

"No one saw me," Diana told her.

"You're too serious, Diana. You have to learn how to flirt if you're going to spend time with me."

"Flirt?" Diana asked.

"Of course. I used to flirt outrageously all the time, male and female," Audrey explained with a wink. "Now that I have to maintain a serious front with others, the only person I have left to flirt with is you."

Diana blinked, and then she chuckled. "I'll do my best, Princess. So, I thought yesterday went reasonably well."

Audrey laughed gaily. "Yes, it did, didn't it? I think we may have to grant the Americans a base on Kasnian soil, but I think we'll manage. Perhaps even father would have approved." She looked down and the joviality left her face.

"There's been no improvement?" Diana asked. "I thought you said you got the type of poison from Savage?"

"We did," Audrey replied, sighing. "But it's a very rare plant-based poison. The doctors believe that's why he selected it. We haven't been able to locate the plant from which the poison comes from. It would enable us to synthesize an antidote. I fear I will be Queen until I die, unless my father recovers by some miracle."

"Plant-based?" Diana asked thoughtfully.

Audrey nodded. "In the meantime . . ." She noticed the look on Diana's face. "What?"

"Nothing," Diana said. "An idea, maybe. What are your plans for today?"

"Visiting my people," Audrey said. "We spent even more money than my father was aware of, obviously, on that damned space station and its mass driver. Not to mention the destruction of the palace and the compensation fund we'll have to establish for the victims' families - I might have to raise taxes, but I hope not. The peasants are restless enough." She looked hopefully at Diana. "Are you doing anything tonight? Perhaps we could have dinner here in my room, and I could tell you about my day, and you could advise me on my options?"

"It would be my pleasure," Diana told her sincerely. "Even if you didn't need my help."

That brought a genuine smile back to Audrey's face. "You see? You're flirting on your own now."

Diana laughed.

________________________________

"Unhhhh . . . just fifteen more minutes . . ." The person who spoke was in bed, their face buried in pillows, their eyes squeezed shut.

"I don't think that was the alarm clock. It sounded like someone came through the window," the person lying next to her said sleepily.

" . . . Oh . . ."

Two seconds later Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn sat up. "What?!" they said in unison.

"You know," Diana observed from the doorway, "I find most of the criminals in Metropolis sleep at night. Here in Gotham, nobody wakes up before noon. Why is that?"

They stared at Diana. "Wonder Woman?" Harley squeaked.

"Well," Ivy said slowly, "the Batman usually goes out at night. So what's the fun in making mischief during the day?"

"I hardly think your brand of terror falls under the headline of ordinary mischief, Dr. Isley," Diana said coldly.

"It's Poison Ivy," she replied, sounding cross. "I think I've earned it."

"Wow," Harley said. "More X chromosomes in here than you can shake a stick at."

"I wasn't aware you two were an item," Diana said.

"It's the only bed," Harley pointed out, but Diana noted the way Ivy's eyes slid sideways, as if she might have responded differently, and she smothered a laugh.

"You're in the Bat's territory, Girl Wonder," Ivy snapped. "I thought you Leaguers were supposed to clear these things with him first."

"I thought we could talk - just us girls," Diana responded.

Ivy's eyes became calculating, as she noted that Wonder Woman had not moved from where she was standing. "What do you want?" she asked coolly.

"If someone's been poisoned and the doctors don't know where to find the plant that produces the antidote," Diana said, "there's only one logical person to consult."

"Flattery?" Ivy asked, raising an eyebrow. "How very un-Batlike."

"Here I thought the body might have clued you in that I'm not the Batman," Diana replied dryly.

Harley yawned. "I'm gonna go back to sleep while you girls conduct your business, okay, Red?"

"You might want to pack instead, Quinn," Diana told her. "Because whether your partner gives me what I need or not determines when I notify the police as to your whereabouts."

Ivy glared at her. "Pack, Harl."

Harley pouted as Ivy got out of bed and slipped into her "work clothes".

"So what do you need?" Ivy asked as she closed the door to the bedroom.

Diana handed her a slip of paper.

Ivy opened it and read the name. "Tricky," she said after a moment. "Come back in a few hours and - "

Diana laughed. "Nice try, Ivy. If you two even try to pull a fast one, I'll take you apart in ten seconds and leave you to the authorities. If you cooperate, however, I'll give you plenty of time to find a new hideout."

The ecoterrorist scowled. "Fine," she muttered. "Give me an hour. Then we can be apart from each other as soon as possible."

"Fine," Diana answered.

As Ivy made her way to her laboratory, Diana following behind, she stopped for a moment. "You know," she told Diana, "even with the antidote, there's no guarantee the victim will ever be one hundred percent again. So you don't blame me when he or she doesn't hop out of bed and run a marathon after you administer the antidote."

Diana frowned, but the doctors had told Audrey something similar.

She watched Ivy closely as she rummaged through her extensive stores of plants and seeds. "Why do you bother accumulating all this when you know you'll have to leave sooner or later?"

"Most of it is nothing that can't be regrown later," Ivy replied absently. "The important ones will be cared for, believe me."

She pulled out a slim envelope. "Here," she said. "I don't have the plant itself, but I have the seeds. You can grow enough to harvest in a few weeks' time. Sooner, if you Leaguers any special kind of growth formulas."

Diana suspected she could find a way or two to speed the process, but she noted the avid look on Ivy's face and suspected a truthful answer might put the Watchtower on Ivy's list of potential targets. Not that she considered Poison Ivy a threat to the Watchtower, but you never knew . . . "Three weeks should be fine," she said, and Ivy looked disappointed. "But if these aren't the right ones - "

"They're the right ones," Ivy retorted.

"_If_ they're not," Diana continued, "I'll show you the fury of an Amazon scorned."

Ivy folded her arms. She didn't look intimidated.

"I'll give you three hours before I contact the police," Diana said. "More than enough, I think."

The other woman muttered something profane under her breath.

"You know," Diana added just as she was about to turn away, "I couldn't help but notice before."

"Notice what?"

"The way you were looking at your friend. You'd like to be more than friends, wouldn't you?"

Ivy scoffed, but she turned away. "Humans don't really interest me."

"Really? Because in my homeland, heterosexual relationships aren't exactly common, and I've seen looks like the ones you gave her in many Amazon's eyes."

"You got what you came for," Ivy said coldly, but she sounded nervous all the same. "Your suggestion - wildly inaccurate, by the way - had better not be part of my three hours."

Diana shrugged. "Deny it if you want," she replied idly. "I'm not sure how much longer you want to leave her under the spell of a maniac like the Joker, though. Maybe your next hideout should be somewhere far away, where you can be alone for a few days."

"Get out," Ivy hissed, but her eyes first flared with anger when the Joker was mentioned.

"Thanks for the seeds," Diana said before leaving.

Poison Ivy hurried back to the room she shared with Harley. "What do you think?" Harley asked her when she came in, the packing not even close to finished. "The white or the pink?" She held up two dresses.

"We've got three hours, Harl, so move it."

"Where are we going next?"

She hadn't planned on saying it, but the word "Metropolis" tumbled from her lips.

"Road trip!" Harley cackled as she pulled a drawer out and casually dumped the contents into a suitcase.

Ivy looked at her thoughtfully for a moment before she went to see to her plants.

__________________________________

"What is this?" Audrey asked as Diana dropped the seed from her palm onto the tablecloth. "I hope it's a flavor enhancer, because my chicken sorrento isn't so-good-o."

"It's a seed," Diana told her carefully. "There are a dozen more just like it on the Watchtower. The Martian Manhunter tells me he can make sure they're full-grown in two weeks."

Audrey looked at her oddly. "Flowers?"

"Antidotes. For your father," Diana said.

The princess froze. "Antidotes?" she whispered. "You found them? Already?"

Diana nodded. "Even after they've grown, it could still be a while before - "

Audrey leapt out of her chair and hugged Diana fiercely. "Oh, thank you, Diana, thank you," she said in Wonder Woman's ear.

Diana felt Audrey's tears on her shoulder, and releasing herself from Audrey's grip, she reached up and wiped her tears away with a thumb. "What are friends for?" she asked.

"You are my truest friend, Diana," Audrey said. "How can I ever repay you?"

"Just go on doing the job you've been doing," Diana replied. In the few days since assuming sole control of the throne, Audrey had done better than the young woman had even expected of herself. Diana had followed media reports from the Watchtower, and the public mood seemed to be turning in Kasnia's favor. "And promise me we'll still see each other even after your father is king again and you're back to being the princess." She smiled. "It's nice to have a friend who's not a superhero."

"Of course," Audrey said fervently. "You and I will be never grow apart."

"I'd like that," Diana agreed.

They remained like that for a few moments more before Audrey retook her seat. And as she went on again about some encounter she'd had that day, Diana thought about her experience in Gotham and wondered if there was a possibility they too might be more than friends.

Probably not, she thought pessimistically. But they would be best friends, and Diana would do anything for her.

"Anything?" a voice whispered in the back of her mind.

Diana pondered this, but she didn't have any answers even when they parted for the night.

To be continued . . .

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