Chapter 12
"Your Majesty, it appears two of Princess Audrey's bodyguards are here to see you."
He sighed. "Show them in, then," he said, waving a hand.
Gustav, still king of Kasnia despite what Vandal Savage and that poison of his had planned, settled in behind his desk. He remembered a hundred different nights where Audrey returned just before dawn, yet another team of guards stymied by her preternatural knack for eluding them. She had a devilish gene running through her entire makeup, and Gustav thanked God that it only extended to parties and photographs. Audrey had never shown any interest in drugs.
Lately, however, she'd been different. Her time as Regent of Kasnia had been a formative experience like nothing since the death of his wife. She'd quietly struggled to right the ship of state after its disastrous connection to Savage's power play. His daughter had done it alone, unbelievably, exhibiting strength of character he'd always known she had. Before she'd always coupled it with a frustrating habit of avoiding responsibility. This time she'd had it forced upon her.
And yet, and yet . . .
The two men entered with resigned looks that were all too familiar. Now that King Gustav was returning to full duties, minus those facets of leadership that had been shifted from the monarchy to the legislature, Audrey seemed content to do no more than go out at night. It was as if she considered the last few months a bad dream, not to be remembered until the day her father left the throne for good.
"She's gone?" Gustav asked curtly. He wasn't sure why they'd even come. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, after all. Perhaps this was her first chance to revel in her freedom from an arranged marriage.
"The Princess is very, uh, creative," one of them mumbled.
"She'll turn up in her bed in the morning, not to mention the society pages," Gustav sighed.
The two men looked at each other.
"What?" the king asked.
The man on the right coughed into his fist. "Well, your highness, as you may know, we've cultivated relationships with certain of the more respectable photographers and . . . what's the word?"
"Society mavens," the other one muttered.
"Right, mavens. You see, they agree to let us know what clubs and parties she attends, the men and women she goes places with, etcetera. Sort of a public service, sir."
"Plus we pay them," Gustav pointed out.
They didn't reply.
"Perhaps you haven't been on the detail long enough, but I was the one who initiated that policy," he explained. "You people generally just try to break the cameras when you see a reporter."
There was a pause. "Probably," one admitted.
He made a "come on" gesture. "So where is this going, gentlemen?" Gustav asked.
"Well, lately, sir, they've been coming up dry," one of the men said.
"Dry?"
"They haven't seen her. She's not at any of her usual haunts, sir. She hasn't even been in the newspapers, if you hadn't noticed, sir."
"I don't generally read those pages," Gustav said dryly. "I usually just have them handed to me." Although they hadn't been handed to him in some time, admittedly.
"Also, your Majesty . . ."
"One of you calls me 'sir', the other 'your Majesty'. Why don't you decide which title you're going to use, and stick to it?" he said testily.
There was a silent communication between the two. "Well, sir, your daughter always viewed our presence as a nuisance, admittedly, but she also treated it as a game. Some nights she might try to catch us flat-footed by disappearing within a few moments. Other times she'll remain in sight for hours, then vanish."
"Lately, however," the other man said, "she's been trying to get away from us as quickly as possible."
"Like she has somewhere to be."
"Like she doesn't have time to waste on us."
Gustav weighed their words carefully. "Are you suggesting," he finally said, "that the princess is doing something she doesn't want you, or I, to know about?"
"It's a possibility."
"Or that she's doing something with someone," the other said gingerly.
Gustav would not be surprised if his daughter had occasionally allowed flirting to move beyond the merely verbal in the past. He'd never heard any definitive proof that such an event had taken place, but that didn't mean anything. But if Audrey had a secret, something she didn't even want to risk getting out, and was getting to the point where she didn't want to be seen in public . . .
"Thank you," Gustav finally said. "I will speak to my daughter in due time."
"Of course, sir," they replied in unison as they rose.
"By the way, King Gustav," the one on the right said. "Do you expect the princess to be going anywhere Christmas Day?"
"I really have no idea," he said truthfully. "Why?"
"Because it's Christmas Day," the other one reminded him.
Gustav chuckled. "I'm sure those of you without families can make yourselves available if she does decide to ring in the new year a trifle early."
They showed themselves out, leaving him to wonder what his daughter had gotten herself into.
_______________________________
"Everyone wishing for peace on Earth on Christmas," Audrey said softly, looking out the window, "should know how peaceful it seems above it."
"It only sounds peaceful because there's no sound in a vacuum, Audrey," Diana said, smiling.
Audrey turned and pouted. "Why aren't we floating? If you were going to take me out of the Earth's atmosphere - blindfolded, no less - you could at least let me float like the cosmonauts do."
"Cosmonauts? You're betraying your Eastern European heritage, Princess."
"You're not exactly from North Africa yourself, Diana," Audrey retorted wickedly.
Diana chuckled. "This is what they call artificial gravity, in answer to your earlier question."
Audrey made a face. "I'll have you know I never buy artificial," she told her.
"Well," Diana replied in a whisper, leaning down, "if you simply must do things the natural way, and if you really do want to float . . . there are other ways, or so I'm told."
Red blossomed in Audrey's cheeks, but the look on her face suggested it was more pleased flush than embarrassment.
There had been heavy foreplay on more than one prior occasion, but as of yet, Diana and Audrey had not officially consummated their relationship. Originally there had been a desire to let things develop slowly. Later there had been a slight case of anxiety for both women. Now, however, both women felt drawn to each other very much, and Diana knew it would happen soon. Maybe even tonight.
"Where are the others?" Audrey asked, temporarily changing the subject.
Diana smiled and pulled back, but not before planting a swift kiss on Audrey's lips. "Celebrating Christmas," she said. "Which is why I took so long tonight. We obtained a second ship a few months ago after that incident where the sun was almost destroyed - "
"It amazes me the way you can speak of it so casually," Audrey murmured.
"We've all grown jaded. To certain things, anyway," Diana added, her eyes sparkling, and Audrey smiled happily. They resumed walking again. "Anyway, Batman is on monitor duty tonight, so he needed a ship to get here. And Green Lantern and Hawkgirl are off somewhere together with the other ship, so I had to wait for Batman to arrive before I could come get you. Which, by the way, is why I was late."
"I wish you'd told me in advance you would be late," Audrey sighed. "It's getting so hard to elude my security detail these days. It's easier to catch them unawares after I've given them an hour or two to settle in, but with you, it seems that I am unable to wait so long." She took Diana's hand in hers.
"Sorry," Diana said. Actually, she would have been a few minutes quicker, but when she attempted to board the ship after Batman arrived, he'd insisted on speaking to her in another part of the Watchtower on some inconsequential matter. Which wasn't like Mr. Get-to-the-Point. "We ought to think about obtaining some kind of matter transport device."
"You mean like 'beaming'?" Audrey asked, surprised. "Does such a thing exist?"
"After seeing boom tube technology," Diana replied, "I don't doubt it."
"So where are we going? Official tour?"
"Hardly," Diana said. "I want to get us alone, you know. But I happen to have a bottle of champagne chilling in the kitchen, and I want to bring it to my room."
Audrey squeezed Diana's arm. "How romantic," she replied. "But how sad Batman is all alone here on Christmas. I understand that someone must be here always, but . . . he did not strike me as a very happy man when I met him last."
"Batman doesn't really have family to celebrate the holiday with," Diana explained.
"Perhaps we could keep him company for a few minutes?" Audrey suggested.
Diana suspected monitor duty had as much to do with the avoidance of company as anything else, but she didn't say that. "Why not?" she instead said. "But first let's get my champagne."
They arrived at the kitchen a minute later, and stared. Someone was rooting around in the freezer, and it wasn't wearing a black cape and cowl.
What they saw was someone's shapely legs, remarkably nice derriere, and backside, all clad in tight purple.
And Diana's champagne sitting on the table.
"How," Diana finally said when she recovered from the surprise, "did _you_ get in here?"
The sounds of the woman looking through the freezer - it was a big freezer, and J'onn had several flavors of ice cream inside, mainly mint chocolate chip - stopped. Then she slowly backed up and faced them. "Don't worry. I'm, er, off duty," Catwoman responded.
Diana arched an eyebrow and carefully stepped forward. "Really? Because I'm told you're a thief by profession, and it appears you are stealing my champagne," she said, taking the bottle swiftly.
"Sorry about that," Catwoman replied. "I was looking for this." She waggled the container of Haagen-Dazs. "And I couldn't really hear . . . boy, this is embarrassing."
"It's going to get a lot worse, you know," Diana pointed out before she slammed the alarm button.
"When I knew I should have brought my bullwhip, this wasn't what I had in mind," Catwoman said, setting the ice cream down and assuming a defensive posture.
"Audrey, get out of here," Diana said evenly. "I don't want you getting hurt."
Catwoman seemed to really look at Audrey for the first time. "Say, aren't you that Kasnian girl?" she asked.
Audrey looked questioningly at Diana.
"Go!"
She disappeared into the hall.
"I'm going to have to insist you forget you saw her tonight," Diana went on. "As well as a lot of other things you may have seen here tonight. How did you do it? Stowed away on one of our crafts?" She stopped. "What have you done with Batman?"
"Nothing - yet," Catwoman purred. "You can take that any way you like."
"And when I'm finished here, you'll be waking up in 2004," Diana replied. "Take _that_ any way you like."
Catwoman looked carefully at the doorway behind Diana. Undoubtedly she was calculating whether she could somehow squeeze past or go over Wonder Woman.
The alarms suddenly went off, and Diana felt his presence before she even noticed his shadow.
"When they say 'good will toward men', I think they're referring to mankind in general, not men specifically," Batman said.
"That had better not be the lead in to a 'catfight' pun," Catwoman warned him.
"Are you all right?" Diana asked without taking her eyes off the burglar.
"I was better," he said. "Until you arrived."
"Until _I_ arrived?" Diana said, turning so she could look at either one of them. "What about her?"
Batman glowered at her. "Selina is . . . my guest."
Diana gaped. "Wait - when you dragged me away from the ship, you were giving her the chance to sneak out, weren't you?" Her amazement grew. "Great Hera, you didn't want monitor duty so you could be alone. You wanted to be alone with _her_." And she jabbed a finger at Catwoman.
"I'm sensing disapproval," Catwoman said dryly.
"I thought we already had this discussion," Batman pointed out.
"Being involved with her is one thing," Diana responded. "Giving a career criminal free rein of the _Watchtower_ is something else entirely! Why don't you show her around the Batcave while you're at it?"
Catwoman looked at Batman. "She's seen the Batcave?" she asked.
"Easy, kitten. It was business," he replied. "And I trust Selina not to reveal the things I tell her."
Had Batman just said "kitten"?
"The way," he added, "you trust Audrey not to do the same."
"I thought he didn't like me," Audrey said as she appeared from behind Batman.
Batman glanced at her, then back at Diana. "I don't think that's a fair impression you've created," he suggested.
"You did say you felt she wasn't good enough for me," Diana reminded him. Then she winced, remembering who was in the room with them.
Catwoman blinked. "Oh, so the two of you . . ."
Diana glared at her.
"Hey, it's nothing to me," Catwoman told her, holding up a hand. "Actually, I think it's nice that someone can get past the stick wedged up your ass."
"Selina," Batman said, exasperated, while Diana smoldered.
"Don't worry, tiger. I always reserve the right to be a little catty," she said with an easy smile. "It kind of makes your League seem a little more, I don't know, human?"
"I remember you," Audrey interrupted. "You stole a necklace from the royal collection a few years ago. It was considered priceless."
"She'll return it," Diana said.
"Uh, you do realize I sell what I steal?" Catwoman asked. "I don't steal things for the walls of my apartment. And trust me, nothing is priceless on the black market."
"I realize that," Audrey replied. "We bought it back a year later."
"Oh, right," Catwoman recalled. "Your government used to have quite the cozy relationship with the black market, didn't it?"
"That's enough," Diana warned her.
Catwoman picked her ice cream up again. "I was invited so we could spend Christmas together," she said simply. "If you're going to make me feel like the guest who crashed the party, I don't have to be polite either."
Diana turned back to Batman. "Who was going to be on monitor duty?"
He didn't seem abashed. "The headset in my cowl is patched in. I'll know something's up when it happens."
"You didn't hear our ship docking."
"I was using the bathroom," he muttered.
"Perhaps there is a better way?" Audrey asked. "What if we kept watch? That way we each get half the night alone, and there are always two or more eyes on the monitors?"
Batman and Diana considered this. "It's all right with me," Diana finally said.
"I wasn't planning on abandoning the monitor chair for a while yet," Batman replied. "It's all right if you want to go first. Selina was just getting us some treats."
Catwoman waggled the ice cream in her hand when Diana looked at her, and Diana finally realized what she should have noticed earlier - if a thief really had crept uninvited into the Watchtower, would her first stop be the refrigerator?
"I'll relieve you around four then," Diana told him. "I trust you know what you're doing," she whispered, leaning close to his ear.
"I showed her the man behind the mask," he said equally quietly.
Diana was shocked. "All right," she said at last. "That's good enough for me." She held out a hand to Audrey. "Let's give them some space."
"All that time alone," Audrey murmured in the hallway. "Whatever shall we do?"
"Well, apparently I have something wedged in my rear," Diana said wryly. "Maybe you could relieve some of my discomfort."
Audrey's eyes gleamed and she pressed closer to her.
___________________________
When they were alone, Batman sighed. "Stick wedged up her ass? That was a little much, Selina."
"Hey, she got to see the Batcave before me," Catwoman replied unconcernedly. "I thought I was special."
"You saw it before she did," Batman said. "And you are."
Selina grinned naughtily. "And here I was hoping you were the only person I'd be showing my claws to tonight."
To be continued . . .
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