So here I am in limbo. Not quite passed on but definitely dead; yeah it so sucks to be me. But it does have its benefits; I can see every thing as if I were there, like I’m the lucky s.o.b with a back stage pass at THE concert of the year. I haven’t been here long, though it felt like an eternity to begin, my body wasn’t even cold and I felt like I’d been here for a century.
There are a few people here, but I haven’t got to meet the big man yet, but I have been speaking to a few old timers. Their stories are a little boring, but from what I hear, we all have to wait for our ‘appointment’ you know to settle out some more permanent digs.
As you saw it was all normal teen stuff. After beating the first we were almost free, the next town from Sunnydale we called home. B and me didn’t have to patrol, there was no danger there. The potentials left to fill their ‘calling’; I moved in with Dawn and Buffy- eventually, and life was good, odd for a few weeks but good.
B was right, I woulda been a little bit freaked at first. But it always throws you a little off guard when someone loves you. Especially me, I mean come on, I’m big bad Faith. I’m dangerous, I didn’t deserve anything like that after what I did; but Buffy liked me, and I really liked her. But you know me, I’m not the type to go and spill it all out.
Yep, that was a bit of a bitch huh, what a way to go. Who ever heard of a slayer falling for that trick; there are stories of death during battle, and old age an’ sickness and all. But being reeled in like fish on a line now that’s a new one. It’s so embarrassing, and a girl! A girl and a vampire, sheesh!! Pretty emotional huh? I can’t believe B held out on me for so long! I mean right at the last minute; I’m gonna remember that for eternity no matter where I end up.
It was going to be a huge ceremony; all the potentials had been called back for it, their families, the Scoobies, everyone was there.
Faith was sat up in the rafters of the church waiting for the service to start. The music began to play…
“There’s no one in town I know,
You gave us some place to go,
I never said thank you for that,
Thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that,
Now I’ll never get a chance,
May angels lead you in,
Here you’ll meet my friends,
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me know?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now ill never have a chance
May angels lead you in…
And if you were with me tonight,
I’d sing to you just one last time,
A song for a heart so big,
God wouldn’t let it live,
May angels lead you in…”
The potentials were all sombre or crying for the loss of such a strong role model. They idolised both Buffy and Faith, two so strong and devoted to their call. A hush filled the room as Buffy entered with Willow, Xander and Kennedy shouldering the Faith’s coffin.
Carefully the coffin was placed upon the stand. Buffy, passing by the minister, took up the position at the pulpit.
“Thank you all for coming today, I know a soppy service isn’t something that Faith would have wanted,”
Damn straight B and you know it.
“But we don’t always get what we want; in life or death.” Buffy paused to keep her composure,
“I’ve known Faith for what at times seemed too long, and through that time there have been conflicts in opinions and the physical. Several times Faith and I fought each other on either side of the battles. But Faith made the effort and she made the change, she joined us and risked her life to save others.”
***
“Faith, come away from there, you’re next.” An elderly lady was taking my hand,
“No, I can’t, I have to see how this ends!” Struggling seemed futile either my powers didn’t work after death or this old timer was wicked strong!
“Look I’ve been doing this for an eternity, it all ends the same. If you don’t come with me now and they destroy your body, bad, BAD things will happen.”
I couldn’t struggle, I tried so hard to break free and listen to what they were saying. As she pulled me further away a mist covered my view obscuring my vision.
“Why are they all the same every time?”
She forcefully sat me in a chair outside some description of office that wasn’t there a minute ago. My powers were gone, B was gone, and I was all alone and stuck in a place that could only be dreamed up on an acid trip. For the first time in my after life I was scared.
I blinked once and in that split second I was sat in a room resembling some description of office. In front of me was a desk twice the as tall as myself. Behind it were two high backed chairs facing away from me. I could hear voices between the two chairs arguing.
Quickly the voices became louder and I could tell this argument was in another language. More of what sounded like harsh words were exchanged then as quickly as the fight started it stopped. Both the chairs revolved and facing me was a huge beautiful woman and to her right, a guy scarily resembling Angel all in black.
“We have decided.” The woman broke the silence staring at me, “You have done several things with your life; many good. But we cannot overlook one vital fact. You took a human life and you must pay for this. We are aware that you saved many lives and helped many people but our laws are absolute. It will all become clear.”
Before I could respond the room shifted again, damn this was making my head hurt. There were colours twisting, sound, like white noise played and ripped at the inside of my brain. The vortex was twisting my body into impossible angles, my skin stretched and pulled away from my body. I was being ripped apart and the pain was unbearable. I tried to close my eyes but something was forcing memories to me, bad memories, Buffy stabbing me, the Mayor, the First, death, my Father everything that had ever darkened my soul was playing non stop in my mind. I was changing I could feel it, change was good.
***
I landed in a mess on a hard dusty floor. I lifted my head groaning before I could even ask where I was a hard and immeasurable slash cut across my back, I wanted to scream in pain but all that came out was a deep roar that resounded in the room. I tried to lift myself up on my arms, but looking down at my body there was nothing of me that remained. In my hesitation another slash cut me as a whip came lashing down across my back.
I wasn’t going to wait for a third, I rolled out of the way and balanced on the limbs that I did have. Fantastic four legs, at least I had something a momentary lack of concentration earnt me another crack across my face; I roared again putting a hand… oh good God, putting a paw to my muzzle I felt the warm blood well in the recess.
“Nice to see that you’re awake.” I woman was standing not too far from me with the offending whip in her hands, I could see her heat, like I was seeing in infra red. All I could tell was that she was female and she hurt me.
“Look there’s no point in trying to think, we control your thoughts now. If you’re good they may even put in a few happy memories for you.”
I was subconsciously growling at her watching her flick that whip around.
“And don’t even think about coming after me, after your transition you are in no shape to fight back, yet. I had to hit you twice to get a reaction. They told me you were perfect for this, strong, quick reflexes like lightening. You must have lost your touch.”
How dare she? How dare she insult me? Angry thoughts filled my mind, bad memories, and bad times. This was worse than bad, this was my child hood. I’d paused again, and soon learnt my error another blood line appeared across my right shoulder as the pain on my back receded. That whip was mine, and I was going to get it.
Roaring out once more in pain I leapt away as the whip came cracking down to the ground where I was stood. I could feel my power back, my strength, and my reflexes. I anticipated her strikes and was out of harms way before she even brought the whip down. I circled her whilst dodging her onslaught.
She lifted her arm to catch me in a sweeping motion but I pounced grabbing her arm between my jaws I pinned her to the ground looking at her shocked face a growled through my filled mouth.
“I take it back; I think you just found your touch. But it’s still not quite enough.” With that she used her free hand to grab onto my think fur and swing her body so that she was now mounted on my back with her arm in my mouth.
Well it wasn’t that bad I still had the upper hand; well hers actually and there was no way I was letting go soon. I was about to bolt and try to throw her off as I leant back on my haunches she must have felt my movement, in that split second between decisions I could feel her hand on my back, I could feel her nails through my fur. It didn’t hurt, it was an odd feeling almost like she was stroking my back; just like B did that night.
I held onto that thought and I felt myself shrink, letting go of my hold I fell into a naked heap on the floor entwined with my captor I could see my body, it was MY body, I was human again. I looked up at the woman, who was tormenting me,
“Now you!” I went to release a torrent of abuse,
“Wait!” she cut me off, I could see her pleading with me through her eyes, “Wait, hold onto that thought you had, please, it’s the only way I can explain.”
I forced my mind with memories of Buffy and Dawn, happy times, fun in the park, dancing at the clubs.
“If you keep a hold on your happy memories, your good times, this is how you will appear Faith, you keep your body. But I warn you, you will lose that thought quickly as your mind is being forced to relieve memories. When you relieve a particularly painful thought, like your death or anything of that nature you will become that beast once more.”
As she took a breath I got my word in quickly especially if I was going to lose this ‘happy thought’ damn how Peter Pan does that sound seriously.
“What the Hell am I doing here?” I could feel my rage rising once more, I tried to fight it so that I could find out all I could in the time I had.
“This, Faith is your temporary accommodation, you are in my charge until your sentence is carried out. Then the bosses back up top will decide where to send you.”
My face asked her a thousand questions but it was too late, I was changing again, I couldn’t fight it. It was like they were feeding me my worst experiences to live again. I could feel the fur force it’s way through my skin as my bones shifted in their joints to accommodate my new shape, back on my haunches horns forced through my skull and the previous scars found their way back.
I wanted to cry but my mind had been taken over, the only emotion I had now was rage, or at least I think that’s it. The woman resumed her charging role; I could smell fear on her but her body language wasn’t showing it. Her arm was free again and so was her whip.
She was yelling orders at me and cracking that whip at me, I ignored the orders and kept my eye on the whip. She soon worked out my movements and I couldn’t dodge anymore, each time I disobeyed, she got me with that whip. Eventually I gave in and sat like a show dog. Warm blood was filling the recesses in my skin but refused to fall, instead it matted my fur. The routine continued until I submitted and followed her orders.
I was loathing myself which only added to the fuel they were giving me to keep me in this state. My captor was stood in front of me, “Now is the time to see what you’ve learnt.” She ran a hand through my mane of fur, slowly she brought it down to my face feeling the invasion of my space I wanted to growl at her but all that came out was a soft purr.
“Hold onto a happy thought for me,” she was trying to calm me down, trying to make me change back.
I couldn’t do it; I couldn’t find anything to hold onto. “Here this may help.” She closed her eyes and the room changed in a flash of colour. My eyes focused again; there was a body in front of me, my nose picked up a particular scent, vanilla? B?
As quick as realisation hit me I changed still with my face in her hand, those eyes so green and deep. I could have got lost in them forever, her smile as she looked at me, those dimples, the crook in her neck I remembered it all.
“I need to know that you won’t betray me,” Her voice, was calm and caring. I believed that she was there holding me up in front of her.
“Never,” I sighed out. I felt so safe in her touch away from the pain, away from the anger and painful memories.
“I need to know that you will obey me,” She began to gently kiss and suck on my pulse point just below my two puncture scars. I was getting lost in the welcome touch, but something wasn’t right, her lips weren’t warm and her touch wasn’t Buffy’s. This woman was rough and ragged, like me.
Breaking away from her I held back tears in my tired eyes, crying out, “You’re not her! You’re not her! Get away from me!” This woman still remained in her form sauntered over to me sexily swaying her hips.
I was trying to look everywhere but at her, my hands held my aching head, I’d had enough I needed to get out, I was lost and confused. She tried to comfort me by taking my shaking body into her arms. I cried onto her shoulder as she cooed soothing noises into my ears.
“Maybe you would react better to this.” She gently let me go and flashed B’s smile at me one more time. The room flashed a brilliant black light and before me stood Kakistos. “Better?” He snarled at me,
Fear was quickly replaced as I pounced at him changing in the air as I did so. A powerful hit struck my under belly sending me twenty foot across the floor, scrambling up quickly I returned to my quarry.
“I see Faith; these memories affect you so much. Why don’t you do something about it? Come on take me down!”
Leaping at him once more he quickly dodged my attack. As I turned to try once more I ran to my target but Kakistos wasn’t there, but my captor was.
“Stop!” she held out an arm and cracked her whip against the dusty floor, I scrambled for a hold on the ground and stopped in my tracks. Breathing heavily and pawing my claws at the ground I had all this energy suddenly and no outlet.
“That’s enough for today Faith. We have both learnt much.” She ambled over to me stroking the fur on my neck she led me away to a small room. Within it was a bed and on the floor a pile of straw. “Just in case you change during the night, don’t want you to die of cold now.”
With that she left me to my thoughts and memories. I clambered up onto the bed and curled up within myself and tried to rid these memories from my mind. I didn’t want to stay like this; I hated this existence all I wanted to do was be me again. As I drifted off into the darkness it was all I thought about.