Buffy’s diary
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Faith headed over here again last night, I’ve no idea what happened but she looked like hell. She was covered in blood- at least it was her own. Which is good in a sort of she didn’t kill someone way. I had to put her in my bed after she collapsed, damn she is such a dead weight! I don’t know what’s going on with her but I’m going to find out.
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Today has been so full of ups and downs I’m not sure that it can be chalked down as a good day or not. It took a while but yesterday I managed to find out what had happened to her. I’m really starting to worry about her, she blacked out twice today; she stopped me sleeping last night, all night I could feel her slipping away from me. She scares me so much, what she gets into, what she’s been through. I really want to know her properly but I’m so scared of what I’ll find behind her walls. She seems so helpless, I think she resents that. I’ve seen her at night sat by the windows just looking- I don’t think I understand it, but maybe she’s scared that none of this is real.
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It’s Dawnies birthday soon, no better excuse to party!! I better get hold of everyone for help with the planning. Maybe if Faith’s better she can come too, I guess. God what do I get her for a present?
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Well today was pretty damn weird in the Faith department! First of all some roses get delivered with my name on them, well there was a big B on them, Faith is the only person who calls me that. But when I tried to talk to her about it she was adamant that they were for Dawn. She is such a bad liar, but she is really cute when she squirms. Oh good God, did I just say that she was cute, ok this seriously stays here, no one can know about this.
I still don’t get what’s wrong with her though, there are no scars left on her, but she blacked out again this afternoon. It was the first time that Dawn had seen it; she was so scared that she wouldn’t wake up. I mean Faith was only out for about ten minutes but Dawn acted like it was ten years.
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I don’t really remember much from last night on account of too much alcohol. But Faith’s gone, we argued and she left; I even made her cry I feel so bad. What am I gonna tell Dawn, what the hell am I gonna do. I’m so confused the time when I need her the most I push her out. I just want to cry, I’m feeling things, new things, confusing things. I need her here, I need her strength and I pushed her out. I don’t know what’s going to happen now. I pray she comes back, we need her, I need her back.