Story: To Hell and Back (all chapters)

Slowly I walked over to the crimson machine, cautiously lifting my leather “tails” as I mounted the collection of power. Starting the engine I pulled the solid black helmet down to cover my face. Speeding off into the night, I left the house that had tormented me for so long. Leading out from the front door were boot prints in blood, my blood. That one was definitely gonna sting in the morning.

I pulled up outside the familiar porch of my safe haven, the only place where I felt loved. My parents had never looked out for me; that was my job, I paid the bills, I got the food, I fought my fights. Alone. That was how I had felt for twelve years, then I came here; I found the “scoobs” I found my family, I found my home all on my own. I couldn’t help but feel a small sense of accomplishment each time I saw her face, she may not be mine, but I will be forever hers.

The curtains twitched as the sound of the engine filled the little street; before I had even cut the motor the door was already open, and there she was stood in her pyjamas and robe she couldn’t have looked sexier even if she tried. A soft welcome smile adorned her face, she knew the time but she didn’t care. I’ll never understand her.

Making my way to the door her smile fell as I removed my helmet to revel my crestfallen expression, hanging my head low I walked past her into the warmth and safety that I did not deserve. Behind me my boots left their trail as my leather coat floated around my legs. As I turned around she was already there, her green eyes full of concern and worry. She held my cheek in the palm of her hand forcing my eyes to meet hers, there were tears behind my eyes but I would not allow them to fall as I had.

I trembled as I brought my hand to meet her soft cheek, looking into her eyes for what seemed like and eternity before the dark consumed me causing my limp body to fall. I waited for the thud of contact but there was nothing; I caught small glimpses of her neck and jaw as she carried me upstairs while I floated in and out of the dark.

I woke to find my ribs and abdomen bandaged tightly and small butterfly stitches by my hairline. I groaned in pain as I tried to sit up, a forceful hand on my shoulder pushed me back down to the bed. Looking to my left Buffy was sat up dressed and reading some description of trashy novel.

Hang on, was I in her bed, did she put me here?? I think she must have heard me cos she’s talking to me; but I chose not to listen, too wrapped up in my own pain.

*Fine Faith you don’t have to say a word, but at least I deserve an explanation why your blood is in my living room.*

My face must have said it all, I was surprised that she recognised it, but I still didn’t want to talk about it. Just because I’d do anything for her doesn’t mean I’d tell her everything.

*Don’t ignore me Faith, don’t shut me out. You’re my friend, you’re my family now, you’re like a sister to me. Annoying at times but always there.*

I looked into her emerald pools, right into her; how could she say that, that’s all I mean to her. A sister? My eyes told her everything, my pain, my suffering. But not what I felt. I turned away as she tried to reach me once more.

*You went home didn’t you*, I bowed my head down, *You went home, oh my god Faith, you didn’t hurt him did you?* For  some reason I found the tree in the window really interesting, cos I had been staring at it for ten minutes now.

*You went home to find him. Jesus Faith I know what he did to you, but there was no need to hurt him. Christ you didn’t kill him did you?*

I span my head to look at her, “I went back,” Buffy’s resolve softened as my words broke the silence. “I went back to find him, to find him and make him pay for all he did.” I pulled myself up a little ignoring the pain. “I went there to get him. It was so dark, so late when I got there. I found him sleeping in his room.”

Buffy was listening intently with a morbid fascination taking in each word, or at least pretending to.

“It would have been so easy to do it while he was sleeping. But I wanted him to look me in the eye first. He had obviously been waiting for me to come back, like always the son of a bitch slept with his hunting knife. I said my piece and he came out with all this stuff about how he hated my mom, and me.”

Buffy tried to comfort me by placing a “sisterly” hand on my arm. Her soft skin and gentile touch burnt me to the core, but I didn’t flinch.

“He tried to kick me out but I pushed him back across the room, he went mega banzai and came at me. I wanted to fight back but his cowardess, his pathetic being stopped me; so I let him, I let him hurt me again. Damnnit he almost killed me and I let him do it just like before.”

I didn’t have to look at her, I could tell she had her mommy look on, you know when you scuffed your knee and your mom wanted to make it all better. I went to get up out of bed, but she laid me down again, tucking me back up under the blanket she laid down with me in some sort of hug. I hated it when she did that. It almost made me

believe that she cared.

*you need to sleep Faith, you’re not going to be healed this morning so just sit tight.*

I looked across to her with my eyebrow raised, *Faith as hard as you try you still haven’t got the “rock stare”* a little smile crept across my lips.

I can’t sleep anyway, I don’t want to sleep. Nothing she could do would make me want to stay anymore much less sleep. She started to gently run her fingers up and down my arm; ok nothing would make me want to stay except that. I let myself sink into the bed and into her arms; who knows when this was gonna happen again.

She absolutely had to stop doing that. Things like that make people think things, very farfetched things. Let’s face it she didn’t feel like I did, she wanted to know about me, but she didn’t want to know me.

When I woke up Buffy had gone, something to do with work. Dawn had been put in charge and loved it. She took the time to do the annoying little sister thing, do nothing but ask questions.

“So. Buffy said it was a huge demon that got you last night. How big was it? Do you think we should tell Giles?”

Nice cover B, let me fill in the blanks.

“Yeah the s.o.b was huge, I’d say eight foot. Really oafish and kinda dumb.” Yep sounds like my old man.

Dawn was writing all of it down; she tried really hard to be a part of the gang. It was kinda cute in an annoying sort of way. I went on for hours about the ‘fight’ she just took it all in like a sponge.

Soon B got home, she came into the room as I was getting dressed ready to go. I felt her eyes inspect my bare wounds. “See something you like B” In an almost sarcastic look from her I gathered my things.

“You know Faith, you’re always welcome to stay here, and we have the room.” There was nothing in her voice that made me want to stay, but once more I didn’t have a choice. I may not have any wounds left, but as I went to leave the room I fell into her arms once more.

I wasn’t awake, but I could hear voices. It was B and Red talking, I could feel someone else there too; ah Kennedy, I really wish she would speak up, she always knew how to take my mind off things especially when it came to B.

“I don’t know what it is Willow; the first time she collapsed she was bleeding real bad. But just now she looked fine, and well look at her.” I could feel something in her words, it almost felt like concern. But experience had taught me not to read into things too much.

“It’s ok Buffy,” Kennedy’s voice gentle and calm. “Willow will take care of it; don’t worry if there’s a problem she’ll find it.” A couple of seconds later I felt another smoulder on my arm as she touched me once again.

I woke several hours later; Buffy was sat in a chair to my right sleeping over the bed with my hand in hers. I really didn’t want to move but I had to get out before it happened again, before I believed it again. Carefully I pulled my hand from hers and began to get dressed again. Heading to the door yet again I felt it again. I clutched my stomach as the pain brought me to my knees.

Blacking out again, I felt the floor this time, cold and unforgiving. My nose crunched as my face connected.

“Jesus, Faith! What the hell are you doing to yourself?” I could hear her but I still couldn’t focus. At least the lengths of the blackouts were getting shorter. Pulling me up to her chest once again I took in the sight of her soft neck and memorised the smell. Carefully she laid me out on the bed yet again.

“B what is going on?” I winced as a twinge of pain filled my abdomen. Again she forced me down.

“Willow checked you over a few hours ago,” I had to jump in I really needed to go.

“Yeah and I’m five by five B, look no wounds no scars. Why can’t I go?”

Buffy had her perplexed look; you know folded brow, pouted lips. She looked cute when she tried to concentrate.

“It’s got something to do with your wound. Something like, because it was made by a mortal it becomes a mortal wound. Your slayer healing will help, but you won’t be fixed completely for a couple of days. But we still don’t know about the blackouts.”

I sunk my head into the pillow, mouthing several curses.

“Look on the bright side, time off work,” I rolled over, she was happy she’d won, I had to stay. “Willow says that you should sleep, helps the healing process.” With her matter of fact smile I’m sure.

I couldn’t sleep anymore I had to get out of here I had to leave, *I can’t sleep twinkie. I’m in the mood for doing stuff, I’m not tired.*

“Hey if it’s gonna help, you have to Faith. You can’t leave here hurt; it’s like my mom said, hang on I’ll be right back!” Buffy got up that quick I never registered leaving.

About ten minutes later after some rapid banter downstairs Buffy tried to enter the room as not to disturb me ‘sleeping’.

*Nice try B* as she sat down in her chair.

“Damn, you heard me. Did I wake you?” she was pouting in defeat.

*Yeah, it was such a wicked cool dream too. There was you, me and this really springy bed…*

“Faith! Don’t get all sarcastic with me, it doesn’t suit you.”

*Look I can’t sleep and there’s nothing you can do about it ok?* I felt the bed sink behind me as Buffy climbed in with me gently spooning my curled body trying not to hurt me.

I could feel her cool skin against me, I still didn’t wanna sleep, I wanted to do something but sleep wasn’t it. Oh no she wasn’t, she couldn’t. Now that was cheating.

*That’s cheating B* She was gently tracing patterns across my back and neck.

*Nice to know your weak spots Faithy.* I smiled a little relaxing at the touch. Once more she had done it. She had convinced me, she had made me believe that she felt something for me. Why else would I be here, would she be here with me, doing this.

For the next three days the same pattern followed, Buffy nursed me, Dawn bugged me and I just hated myself because I’d fallen in love with a straight girl. Again.

It was Dawn’s sixteenth birthday next weekend, and true to B’s style the party was planned with military precision. Dawnie had already invited me before Buffy could get a word in; seriously anyone would think that this kid idolises me.

Still bed ridden I tried to push all my thoughts away and concentrate on a rather obscure stuffed animal. Dawn had brought me breakfast,

“Faith, you’re a slayer right,” She had a look of deep thought across her young face,

“What are you getting at Dawnie?” Between mouthfuls of food.

“Well with ‘slayer powers’ doesn’t slayer healing fall into that category?” This kid was smart, just like her older sis; that’s what I liked about her she didn’t give up even if she didn’t understand.

“Umph, it wash someffng, umph, your mom said I think.” Eating with a full mouth never fazed me.

Realization hit her face just like B the night before, “Ok your sis did that, care to tell me what that means??”

Dawn was doing some description of happy dance across the room, my sarcastic gaze followed her, “It’s mom!” her smile couldn’t be any bigger, “Do you remember years ago, you came here after slaying cut up real bad,”

“Dawn that happened to often to count,”

“Well do you remember what she said every time you said it was nothing?”

The realization hit my face; it couldn’t be surely it couldn’t. “She said that no one was allowed to leave the Summers house in any kind of pain. Nice one Joyce I owe you one!” looking up at the ceiling, then I heard a familiar voice not in the room, but in my head.

*It’s ok sweetie, you’re always welcome in this house.* I smiled to myself as Dawn ran downstairs to tell Buffy about her accomplishment.

Who would have thought that Joyce was keeping me here? So what’s next, what happens when I’m well enough to leave?

*You can’t leave Faith; do you see the look on my girl’s faces when you come over? Do you ever see their faces when you leave? They need you in their lives, and I know you want to stay.*

That was creepy; did she know how I felt about B?

*Of course I know Faith dear, anyone with eyes can tell.*

Joyce you’re scaring me now. If you know about it, do you know how I can fix it?

*You have to tell her sweetie, if she doesn’t know she’s just going to upset you without realising. I suggest something that reflects you; I’m not to sure about the rest. I have to go now dear, good luck.*

Cheers Joyce, nice to know your rooting for me, now where’s that phone?

***

Half hour later I’d made it to the kitchen when there was a knock on the door. Dawn raced off to get it; I think she’d had enough of B’s planning. She walked back in carrying 24 crimson roses. Everyone was stunned, so I played along to stay inconspicuous.

She handed them to Buffy after reading the card, pouting that they weren’t for her. The card was blank except for the letter ‘B’ and a small message,

“It’s not a sister thing.” The gang were really confused, “Does it say who it’s from?” Buffy had her concentrate face on as Dawn was dismissive placing them down.

“I have no idea who they’re from, but I wish they were for me. Seriously who would like you that much?” Dawn was shot a scowl from B, but as she turned away from Buffy she tried her best not to look at me.

I followed her out of the room; she could hear me as she kept trying to lose me in the cavernous Summer’s house. As she walked into her bedroom I couldn’t follow anymore; the first thing she ever said to me was to never go in there unless she let me in. It’s not like a vampire invite, I mean I could beat down the door if I wanted but I respected her too much for that.

Knocking on the door, “Dawnie, can I come in? I wanna talk to you,” my keen hearing picked out a sigh and a sniffle as she paced around her room. Shit, she was crying, or at least trying not to.

“Why? Why would anyone want to talk to me? I’m just Dawn, nothing special. No one special.” I could hear her sniffing and trying to stifle her sobs, she knew I could hear her.

“Dawn, come on let me in, I know you’re upset, but how can I make you feel better if you won’t let me in?”

“If you’re so bothered break the door down, I know you can.”

“Don’t make me do that Dawn, remember last time? Big, big invoice fell in my lap. And it’s such a nice door,” I heard a small giggle from the kid.

Slowly she opened up the door, wiping her eyes to hide the tears, “What would you know about nice doors?” An ever so slight smile graced her youthful features.

“Come here you,” I picked her up into my trademark slayer hug; no man alive can break the hold. Dawn squealed like a little child as her small smile quickly became a huge smile. Toppling onto her bed I sat still holding her on my lap.

“So, what’s the matter Dawnie?” I pouted my lip so much trying to make a stupid face to stop her crying again.

“It’s nothing really, damn your slayer strength! How do I get out of this?”

“Ha ha! You don’t! Keeping my grip I began to tickle her so she squealed some more. “You can only get out if you tell me what’s wrong!” I continued my onslaught as I carried her around her room.

“No, it’s stupid.” She squealed some more as I refused to let her go.

“Now you know the rules twinkie, tell ol’ Faithy what’s up otherwise I’m gonna tickle you into oblivion!!”

“Ok, ok, ok. I need to breath Faith stop it!!” My ‘attack’ ceased as I carefully sat both of us down. “It’s just, it would be nice for someone to care about me as much as some people care about Buffy that’s all. Those roses got to me, so close to my birthday and all; I’d been praying that someday someone would do that for me. I’d got my hopes up so much thinking they were mine and well, you know the rest.”

I pulled her closer to me in an attempt to comfort her, “Listen Dawn, there are lots of people who care about you as much as Buffy, I’m sure there are people who even care more. And I’m sure that the person who sent those roses didn’t want to upset you, who knows what you’re gonna get for your birthday. What do you want anyway?”

She had nestled her head against my shoulder gently breathing on my neck. “Well there’s a simple answer to that but the explanation is very difficult.”

Softly smiling at the small child, “Try me, I’m all about weird situations.”

“I’d rather not Faith, but thank you for at least cheering me up a little. If you don’t mind can I just have a little down time?”

I put her down carefully, “Sure sparky, but anymore tears and I will be up in here quicker that your sis having a spaz!”

A small smile played on her lips, she mouthed to me ‘promise?’ I nodded to her as I placed a caring kiss on her forehead, “Always” I whispered as I left her.

***

I made my way back into the kitchen to rejoin the gawping masses who were still trying to work out who had sent the roses.

Buffy met me in the doorway, “What’s up B?” she signalled for me to follow her into the living room.

She sighed heavily, “Faith, did you send me these roses?” she looked worried, crap how am I supposed to cover this up, I could hear Joyce telling me to tell her the truth and I could here the inner me shouting and swearing to get me to run clear outta there.

“Well you see, I sent them yeah,” B was about to say something and the look on her face wasn’t encouraging, “But, but they weren’t meant for you.” She was confused. I had to keep this up to stop her from seeing through my disguise.

“Then who were they meant for? There aren’t many people called ‘B’ or with that nickname Faith, and what about the message?”

“I know, I know the florist musta made a mistake you see, I wanted to send them to Dawn you know, ‘D’ and as for the message they gotta have misheard me, you know being in pain and all that. I wanted to say that it was a sister thing. You know taking me into your family so to speak, the little bit looks up to me and I just wanted to show her how much she means to me.” There, breath and with my own matter-of-fact face I had to wait to see if Buffy registered it all let alone believe it.

“So they were for Dawn?” Still with the stupid look I nodded. “Oh, I see, well that’s very nice of you Faith.” She walked back into the kitchen as I slumped against the door frame in relief. Walking into the living room that familiar voice filled my head.

*You know lying doesn’t become you Faith.* Oh now come on Mrs. S cut me a brake here! Surely I did a good thing, with Dawnie and all?

*You have to tell her Faith dear, nobody wants to see you upset, and as for Dawn, yes that was a nice thing for you to do. You know she looks up to you, maybe more she doesn’t tell me much these days…*

Ah, Mrs. S what does that mean? Joyce? You still there?

“You know Faith in some cultures talking to yourself maybe seen as a sign of insanity.”

I spun so quick I don’t think my body kept up with my spine, “Damn Red, why’d you sneak up on me like that? I nearly pounced on you!”

She walked over placing a comforting hand on my shoulder, “So what were you and Buffy’s mom talking about?”

Where the hell did that come from? How long had she been there? “You heard that then I guess, so you think I’m mad huh.”

Quickly taken aback Willow tried to rephrase, “Oh, no that’s not what I meant, I mean, I can feel her here too. So the whole talking to her doesn’t seem so stupid to me. I’m just curious to know what she said; she doesn’t talk to me so much anymore, maybe because I’m not here often enough I guess.” A rather dejected look consumed her face.

“Hey, it’s no big deal; it’s not your fault. I bet she misses you too.” Willow returned the small smile on my lips. “It’s nothing big she was just telling me to fix something that’s all.”

Red just smiled sweetly and nodded her head before she left the room. Damnnit Joyce I can’t lie to them all I have to tell someone, before I burst.

*Why couldn’t you tell Willow? She’s such a sweet girl, she would have understood.* Yes, but she would have told Buffy, see my problem here?

*You could always talk to Dawn I suppose, let me know how that goes,* No, no don’t do this again Mrs. S come back I need you, God we all need you.

I hung my head low and headed upstairs, Will had been stood in the doorway the whole time, could she hear what Joyce was saying? She was looking at me; I could feel tears in her eyes. I guess she could hear. Why do I fuck everything up with lies and cover ups? If I just told B the truth and got the roasting over it would all be over by now. I would be the one crying not Red and Dawn, and now Buffy feeling dejected about the roses. But if she knew? God if she knew I would never be welcome here again for damn sure.

***

“Hey sparky, open up its Faith.” Dawn opened the door and leapt at me, carrying her into the room a confused look was plastered upon my face.

“Buffy told me about the mix up!” She squeezed tighter around me, “You really do care!” This was gonna be a difficult one to get out of, especially as I was going to need oxygen some time soon!

“Yeah about that, I just wanted you to have something special you know. You’re only 16 once after all.” I was pacing again I didn’t want to lie, to Dawn especially.

“So what did you want to talk about Faith?” Dawn was rearranging her roses in the vase.

“You know I’m not to sure I should be talking to you about this, it’s kinda hard and really, really wrong on so many levels,” My arms gesticulated wildly as Dawn watched me with a sympathetic face.

She got up to try and calm me down, but I had to go, I hadn’t seen sunlight for days. “You know Dawnie, forget this, and forget I said anything. I just need to get out of here for a few hours.” I walked over to the window I could hear her whisper, ‘Oh’ out of the corner of my eye I saw her head hung low.

“Don’t worry twinkie, I’m coming back! How about you come with me, yeah grab your helmet and we can go for a ride how about that?” Dawn’s face lit up like it was Christmas; she looked the same when I first gave her that helmet. We had only ridden together twice but Dawn held on each time like it was going to be the last time she ever saw me.

“That would be like, SO cool Faith!” She ran over and hugged on to me once more,

“Yeah just think of it as an early present,” We walked out of her room my arm draped over her shoulders. “How about you go and tell big sis what we’re up to so she doesn’t go banzai when we get back! I’ll get the motor started.”

I headed towards the door still feeling somewhat stuck; damn I should have told her instead of wimping out. My hand rested on the door knob, that familiar sickening feeling swamped my body.

Don’t do this to me Mrs. S not now, *I’m sorry dear but I can’t have you leave without setting things right.*

The blackout hit me once more; I was getting really sick of this. I couldn’t see a thing but I could hear Dawn screaming, she must have seen me fall. I could feel my lifeless body being lifted into the living room. I could feel the heat from Buffy’s touch as she placed me down. Dawn’s presence was foremost in my unconscious state, I could feel her, she was gently stroking my forehead and I could hear her again, trying not to cry.

In some description of ‘limbo’ I sat with Mrs. S while we both watched the events unfold. “So is that what you meant. Dawn doesn’t just look up to me, God, I think she loves me. Shit.”

“Now Faith dear there is no need to swear; yes I’m sure it does complicate things a little.”

A little, no way this didn’t complicate, this threw a mutha of a spanner into the proverbial works.

“How do I tell her now, how can I tell her that. She would be so upset. Joyce I can’t do that to her. I can’t watch her cry over me; I can’t lead her on cos that will just hurt her more.” I held my head in my hands as she laid her hand on my shoulder.

“I’m not sure what you have to do Faith, but I know you, and I know you would never hurt my girls on purpose. So do what feels right to you. But you have to sort it out.”

I stood up pacing around, “Ok, so I fix it, I can do that I’m sure. But promise me one more thing Mrs. S, no more blackouts ok? I need some air here, to clear my head. I promise I won’t leave them ok?”

She nodded to me with her motherly smile as the vivid dream faded, slowly I regained consciousness. Dawn was sat next to me with a compress of some description; I could see the pain in her eyes, it made sense to me, what she had said. I can’t stand to see that in her, the pain that I have caused her. But how do I make it right?

It was the morning of Dawn’s party; I had to get her something good, no something great. But what could I get her? I came up short, so last resort was a card stuffed full of all the money I could spare. After wasting about two hours at the mall I decided it was time to get washed up and ready for the party.

I arrived fashionably late in my chocolate brown leather pants and a silk black shirt. Everybody was around Dawn watching her open her presents, well I can’t be that late then. I carefully pushed into the crowd, Buffy was the only one who saw me, smiling widely she mouthed ‘Hi’ to me. I shook my head to focus on the situation in hand.

“Hey Dawn, Happy Birthday!” I handed her the envelope, she seemed a little put off by my offering, but when she opened it her face lit up, sixty dollars fell from the card, the message inside read,

‘I didn’t know what to get you so here, treat yourself and for tonight I’m all yours.’

Dawn ran over and held on to me tight, “Really?”

“Just for tonight sparky, who knows maybe I’ll give ya a ride home too.” Dawn was jumping up and down in the club like a dog without its toy.

“You brought the bike! You brought the bike!” I smiled back with my maybe, maybe not look.

“So what do you say sparky, wanna dance?” Without second thought she dragged me to the dance floor where we remained for most of the night. At regular intervals I could feel B’s eyes watching me with her sister, I would never hurt Dawn but I bet Buffy couldn’t be that sure.

I could hear her in my head telling me to back off when we got too close, you know regular sister stuff like hurt her and I break your neck sort of thing. But she definitely had nothing to worry about. Even when the slow songs played, I just held Dawn that was all and all Dawn did was settle into my arms.

“Hey sparky I think it’s time we went home, it’s getting late and all the older kids want to play now.” She looked up at me and nodded with a huge yawn. I couldn’t help but grin.

Scooping her up into my arms I carried her over to the assembled scoobies. “Hey B I’m gonna take sparky home so you guys can loosen up a little yeah?” Buffy nodded, she gently kissed Dawn on the forehead,

*Look after her, make sure she isn’t up all night.* I’d a saluted at her if my arms weren’t full, why did her requests always sound like orders to me. Maybe because she knew I’d do it. Damn she could order me to crash my bike, and I’m sure I’d do it. Is that what it meant to be in love? Willing to do something stupid so long as she was happy? Somehow I think I’m getting the raw end of the deal.

Out in the car park I stirred Dawn so she might actually stand. “Hey you can’t sleep just yet sparky I have to get you home first!” Reaching into the panniers I handed her helmet to her. She held her arms around me so tight as I pulled away from the parking lot.

***

“Come here short stuff.” I pulled her onto my lap and put the blanket around us. Dawn snuggled down onto me once more. “So what do you want to talk about?”

It was too late my tactics had worked; Dawn was fast asleep in my arms. Her steady breathing slowed her excited heart; finally I could relax a little. Why did I have to do that, all night I had the chance Damnnit, why couldn’t I tell her, why couldn’t I let her down. But then I could never let Dawn down, in everything I did it never went wrong in her eyes.

I really hated that.

I rested my head atop hers listening to the rhythmic heart beats. I tried to look beyond that, discover what was behind it. I had seen her worry, I had seen her pain; I had even seen her care but I needed to look deeper. Was there anything more, anything stronger? For both our sakes I hope not.

I couldn’t bear to hurt her anymore; I had hurt the Summers women more than enough in my life. It was time for change and no one, not even me was going to hurt them again. I was here to make sure of that, it’s what Mrs. S would have wanted- and you know Summers women they want it they got it.

At about three, Buff and Red stumbled in giggling and laughing loudly. “Shhhh you two! Sparky’s trying to sleep here. Why are you so late?”

Calming down a little B panted, “Oh sorry Faithy, we walked Kennedy home. Is that ok with you mom?” God damn she was so drunk, but it was Dawnie’s birthday she could at least have the decency to let her sleep.

“Look B I brought Dawnie home cos she was tired and to give you guys some down time. You could at least thank me for that.” Dawn was starting to stir; it was like trying to keep a baby asleep.

I didn’t want to let B wake her up and ruin her night by arguing with me. “I’m taking her upstairs.”

Buffy and Will were sat now on the respective armchairs. I lifted the stirring teenager whispering to her to try and calm her subconscious and put her back to sleep. I could hear the two in the lounge still- that really hurt, she couldn’t even say thank you for what I had done. Carefully entering her room I laid her fragile body down upon the bed.

I leant over to kiss her goodnight when I heard her whisper, “Faith, Faith don’t leave me, never leave me…” I tried so hard to fight back the tears, this kid needed me, she loved me. I can’t leave them now.

“You know Faith she says that every time she falls asleep, without fail.” I sniffled to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. Turning around B nodded to me, “Yeah every time, kinda freaked me out at first, but when you listen to her,”

“So, it doesn’t mean anything. She doesn’t need me it’s just her dreaming.” B walked closer, she had lost her drunken walk but I could see the alcohol in her eyes.

“Of course she needs you. I can’t always be here she confides in you, looks up to you; damnnit Faith she loves you.” She was inches from me. A single tear fell from my eye as I swore under my breath.

“Faith you’re leaking.” A small smile broke on my lips. “What is that salty liquid, my God, Faith are you crying?”

I gave in and the tears fell.

I tried to leave the room but Buffy stopped me, “Faith why are you crying, what’s wrong?” I forced myself out of her grip.

“You don’t care, you never cared. So why should you start now, I’m well enough to leave now so that’s just what’s gonna happen. Tell Dawnie I went on permanent patrol, tell her that I’m out drinking, tell her anything, tell her anything you want to. I’m gone.”

I stormed out swallowing my tears and my pride, grabbing my stuff I headed out to the bike, I didn’t want Dawn to wake up as I left so I sped away with as much speed that the throttle would give me.

Where was I going? I didn’t know. What was I going to? I hadn’t a bloody clue. But this drive would at least clear my head. And if I had to sleep rough so be it. I couldn’t go back anytime soon, Buffy just didn’t realise. She didn’t understand why she was hurting me or how, but if I stayed to long she would have found out for sure. But for now there was just the road, plain and simple tarmac.

But tarmac hurt, so did twisted metal. I squinted at the bright lights, I can’t focus but I can feel something touching me, leaving white fire in it’s wake.

***

But tarmac hurt, so did twisted metal. I squinted at the bright lights, I can’t focus but I can feel something touching me, leaving white fire in it’s wake. The touch was so very cold, and yet burned with hell fire at the same time. The lights got brighter as I could hear about 4 voices all merged into one barely audible noise.

I laid my head back to the floor; all logical thought had exited my mind, for that brief time I had forgotten everything. The pain replaced all my rational thoughts and other feelings about Buffy, Dawn everyone. Seizing my mind back I rose from my prone position to the gasps and bleak looks of the assembled mass. I could hear sounds of disbelief as I sat bolt upright.

Looking over to my motorcycle, well it wasn’t even that anymore, looking at my mass of wreckage and parts that weren’t where they were supposed to be. Great I was stuck, but more importantly was the huge amount of twisted metal imbedded in my leg and shoulder. I groaned loudly as I removed each piece regardless of the blood all over me.

I tried to climb to my feet as some random guy held me up on him, “You came out of no where, are you alright?” Stupid question, regaining my composure,

“You’re the one that hit me? You’re the dead son of a bitch that broadsided me?” I swung at him levelling him to the floor. I walked away from the scene as the witnesses looked on in disbelief. The ambulance called passed me while I walked away from the scene, away from that place, away from Buffy.

Since I had left my cell was ringing off the hook, all the calls bar one were from Dawn’s cell phone. I had bought her one especially in case she needed me. There were several texts and answer phone messages. I wondered absentmindedly just what B had told her in that drunken state.

Ignoring the calls and the messages I threw my cell as far away from me as I could. I had to find somewhere to bunk tonight it didn’t matter if I was under a bridge I just needed to dress my wounds. I guess it was all on foot from here. Bastard.

I found a sheltered spot just off the freeway and dug myself in. I’d been sleeping rough for years, this was five by five for me. Funny, I was still wearing my clothes from the party. Reminiscing over I ripped at the bottom of the shirt for a makeshift bandage. Satisfied that the bleeding had stopped I wrapped myself in my trench coat for warmth, it was going to be a long night.

The next morning I woke before dawn; I was going to need food soon, my stomach agreed with me as I continued walking down the highway. Absently my senses picked up something, food!! There was a service station or maybe a small town about two miles away, it was difficult to tell through the smell of traffic fumes. Picking up the pace I was soon running to find my salvation.

After sating my appetite I continued my journey. What the Hell was I on? A journey? I had no idea where I was going, I just kept walking. Civilisation had to be around here somewhere so I carried on.

I kept going, I kept surviving and treating my wounds and I found something I was looking for. A small amount of civilisation. Guess what, a motel my home from home and not too dissimilar to the crevice back in good ol’ Sunnydale. Just like old times, all I needed now was B on my doorstep wanting me to go home with her. Or maybe that’s what I wanted to be on my step. Either way it wasn’t going to happen, dismissing my thoughts I drifted into the dark space of sleep.

It was the middle of the night, rolling over while cursing I picked up the ringing phone in the room. “Miss there is a call here for you, would you like me to put it through?” I groaned as the receptionist did her thing. There was no voice on the end of the receiver, a sniffle and a deep breath but no voice.

“How’d you find me Sparky? And I told you no tears.” Walking around with the phone I gathered my things; it was time to move on.

“You lied Faith, you lied to me. You said you’d come to me when I cried.” She paused to sniff and wipe her face. “You never came. Please, listen to me. Please come home…” She couldn’t control it any more. I had to zone out else she would have had me crying too.

I walked over to the window, rain poured down the cold glass; though I could see someone down there stood by a car. “Dawnie, are you still there?”

“What does it matter Faith, you won’t come back.” The figure outside was on a cell phone. Two more people left the car, the hairs on my neck rose, B and dead boy. Great an entourage.

“Look Dawnie it’s not that simple ok, it’s complicated, it’s difficult,” I was cut off by a half scream half shout,

“I need you! Buffy needs you! Faith I love you, Buffy loves you we both love you why won’t you come back?” She collapsed onto the blurred figure of her sister. ‘Angelus’ took the cell,

“At least, Faith at least tell her goodbye.” He hung up. Turning around I fell to my knees and leant against the wall with my head in my hands. I gave in, I had to I couldn’t stand to see Dawn in pain. I gathered up my things and left the room.

Stepping out into the rain I handed my things to dead boy. Buffy looked up at me her green eyes welled with tears that didn’t want to fall. I gathered Dawn into my arms and entered the car. The two past lovers took the front seats. I watched B wipe her eyes just before I closed mine in defeat. Dawn was soaking wet and cold from the rain, I covered her in my coat as she gave in to fatigue.

“She hasn’t slept since you left.” Buffy’s voice caught in her throat. “She made me come find you, she made Angel track you. She hasn’t stopped until now.” I bowed my head watching her sleep. She seemed so peaceful now, just like the night I left her. Two tears fell on her cream forehead.

“She meant what she said Faith. We both love you,” her words stung me; she couldn’t possibly want me as much as I wanted her, but I couldn’t hurt Dawn. I cursed myself for the upset I had caused her in the last few days. “She needs your guidance, your companionship, your love. You mean as much to her as she does to me, you’re our sister. You’re our sister slayer, protector and family. But it’s your decision whether to stay or not. But please tell Dawn either way, she needs closure.”

“She loves me,” B nodded. “She wants me; she wants me as an older sister.” I took all the words in. No one had ever needed me; I’d never been someone to look up to. But now I was, I had to step up. People needed me. People wanted me. People loved me.

I rested my head once more atop hers, she was warmer now, I felt her moving, waking up. “Hey Sparky.” She smiled and held my face in her palm, relaxing to the touch she smiled. The rain had stopped and the night was clear, three stars shone in the night, a small laugh escaped me, both Dawn and B looked at me confused.

“Do you see that? There are only three stars shining that bright, can you see them?” Dawn followed my hand pointing out of the window,

“What do they mean?” Dawn yawned out, but before I could answer Angel chirped up,

“They are a constellation, rarely seen complete because of clouds and other cosmic obstructions.”

“Don’t you remember Dawn; they were mom’s favourite stars.” Buffy tried to look too where I was pointing.

“Yes, Joyce will be happy tonight, the stars haven’t shone like that for almost a year. And now they are reunited again.”

“So what are they?” Dawn was confused and yawned again. Leaning down I whispered to her,

“Those stars Dawnie, those stars are the three sisters. Apollo ,” I poked her gently, “I know it’s a guy but that’s what it’s called.

“So that’s me, what are the other two called?”

“The one on the left is Hera the goddess of like families. That’s your sister up front there.” I saw Buffy smile at my explanation. “The one to the right, that’s Hercules. The hero and protector.”

Dawn poked me smiling, “That’s you! But why are you a guy?”

“The Greeks were funny people I guess.”

I heard B in my head, man it was weird we hadn’t communicated like this for what felt like an eternity.

*You know that’s not what they are called.* I smiled and replied,

*Now you and I both know the real story isn’t nearly as impressive.*

I felt Dawn snuggle into my arms again, I don’t know why, but I felt powerful, I felt strong. I was Hercules, I was immortal. I was never going away, never again. I settled once more and drifted away into my imagination once more. I could hear her voice again, soft and loving,

*My girls, my children, my family together once more.* Goodnight Mrs.S

***

Disclaimer in chapter 1

Chapter 10 – Please ask me again…

Returning to the Summer’s house I took Dawn upstairs as B collapsed down in one of the chairs. Placing her in the bed I lit a small candle in the room. I wasn’t going to leave until she said it, until she asked me that one last time. Not one murmur or groan came from her the entire ride home; I had to hear her again. I sat beside her bed gently stroking her hair.

As the flame flickered and died my hopes too were extinguished. I walked away with my head hung low. Why did this bother me? Jeese what is going on inside of me?

“Faith,” Her voice made me freeze as a small bit of warmth returned to my heart. “Faith don’t leave me, never leave me…”

I had returned to the bed Dawn’s body was tense and her face held an expression of fear. I placed a caring kiss on her forehead, “Never”

“Promise?” she murmured as her body and expression relaxed.

“I promise” I left the room to go and see how B was holding up.

***

Buffy was already asleep in the chair, her golden hair half covered her face. I carefully placed the stray hairs behind her ear; I had really missed them both so much, but I had never felt any warmth in B. Her words had never comforted me, never calmed my spirit. I loved her so much but to what end? Before I made myself cry I decided to just move away from her.

As I resigned to the sofa I was torn, do I kiss her goodnight, do I go to sleep? I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep with her in the room. Well if B’s down here, her rooms free, and a logical solution has arisen.

The warm sheets, soft pillows and the subtle scent of Buffy’s sweet perfume. You could always smell it a mile away but it had a comforting feel to it. Before I knew it I was soon out cold.

***

The next morning my stomach woke me violently craving some serious munchies. Heading into the kitchen B was still catching some Z’s in the chair, no worries I’ll find what I need, slayer senses are picking up some bacon, waffles, pancakes, sausages, eggs and a frying pan. That’s all I need, maybe I should leave some for B and Dawnie too.

I think it was the eggs that got them, just as I was piling up my plate both of em’ came crawlin’ into the kitchen.

“Smells good,” B wiped the sleep from her eyes as she sat down,

“Yeah, hey you’re not wanting to push in on a slayers breakfast now are ya?”

I flashed her a cheeky smile before taking two plates out of the oven already laden with food. Putting in front of them I was rewarded with a couple of muffled words as it was all gulped down. Anyone would think that they hadn’t eaten in days!!

After putting all the newly cleaned dishes away I joined the two in the living room.

“I am so stuffed!” Dawn was groaning, I jumped down next to her and placed my arm around her,

“Can’t handle a slayer’s breakfast?”

“No, I can’t handle a Faith breakfast!”

“I second that!” B curled up in the chair.

“Ha! Remember me Hercules!! You can’t handle such Godly feats as finishing one of my meals!!” I pulled a strong man pose much to the amusement of Dawn.

“So, can we look forward to any more Herculean breakfasts?” Dawn was looking up at me with her puppy dog eyes,

Flashing a look at Buffy, there was something behind those eyes that begged me to say yes, there was warmth in her and Dawn.

“Yes I think so but next time you’re washing up!”

Buffy’s diary

_____________________________________________________________________

Faith headed over here again last night, I’ve no idea what happened but she looked like hell. She was covered in blood- at least it was her own. Which is good in a sort of she didn’t kill someone way. I had to put her in my bed after she collapsed, damn she is such a dead weight! I don’t know what’s going on with her but I’m going to find out.

_____________________________________________________________________

Today has been so full of ups and downs I’m not sure that it can be chalked down as a good day or not. It took a while but yesterday I managed to find out what had happened to her. I’m really starting to worry about her, she blacked out twice today; she stopped me sleeping last night, all night I could feel her slipping away from me. She scares me so much, what she gets into, what she’s been through. I really want to know her properly but I’m so scared of what I’ll find behind her walls. She seems so helpless, I think she resents that. I’ve seen her at night sat by the windows just looking- I don’t think I understand it, but maybe she’s scared that none of this is real.

_____________________________________________________________________

It’s Dawnies birthday soon, no better excuse to party!! I better get hold of everyone for help with the planning. Maybe if Faith’s better she can come too, I guess. God what do I get her for a present?

_____________________________________________________________________

Well today was pretty damn weird in the Faith department! First of all some roses get delivered with my name on them, well there was a big B on them, Faith is the only person who calls me that. But when I tried to talk to her about it she was adamant that they were for Dawn. She is such a bad liar, but she is really cute when she squirms. Oh good God, did I just say that she was cute, ok this seriously stays here, no one can know about this.

I still don’t get what’s wrong with her though, there are no scars left on her, but she blacked out again this afternoon. It was the first time that Dawn had seen it; she was so scared that she wouldn’t wake up. I mean Faith was only out for about ten minutes but Dawn acted like it was ten years.

­­­­­­_____________________________________________________________________

I don’t really remember much from last night on account of too much alcohol. But Faith’s gone, we argued and she left; I even made her cry I feel so bad. What am I gonna tell Dawn, what the hell am I gonna do. I’m so confused the time when I need her the most I push her out. I just want to cry, I’m feeling things, new things, confusing things. I need her here, I need her strength and I pushed her out. I don’t know what’s going to happen now. I pray she comes back, we need her, I need her back.

Buffy, Faith and the rest of the scoobies had gone for a well deserved night out at the local club. The usual formulae applied. Xander failed to charm the girls, Faith danced and grinded with the guys; and Buffy just watched her waiting for an excuse to join her. Willow and Kennedy boogied the night away in their own little world.

The guys in the club were getting close, close and drunk. She couldn’t stand to watch them ogle over Faith. It wasn’t jealousy; she wanted to be with them, watching her, adore her. But she knew Faith would freak out, she was a sister to her, that’s not what sisters did.

Then Buffy saw something that made her blood run cold. Faith was still dancing but she was dancing with another woman. She was getting close almost touching her she was dancing with her how Buffy longed to; the crowd of men enveloped the pair removing them from sight. As the music faded to an end the mob dispersed leaving the floor to the couples. Buffy tried to see through the collecting dancers, but Faith was no where to be seen. A pained look lingered on Buffy’s face as she left to get some air.

“Where’d you learn to move like that?” Faith was outside with her dancing partner, both were laughing uncontrollably. “Instinct,” was the reply from the new woman.

“So what do you wanna do now?” Faith had her back against the wall and her arms folded. She was all up for a little amusement, but this person seemed a little to forward for her liking. She put it down to the lack of fun during their last big bad encounter.

“I could think of a few things,” The dancer slowly ran her finger along Faiths collar bone, to the desired effect. Faith had softened her composure to the lingering touch, inviting her partner closer.

Faith rested her hands on the other woman’s hips as she combed through Faith’s hair with her own. Leaning in the stranger began to gently kiss and caress Faith’s neck; something caused Faith to freeze at the touch of her lips. Faith couldn’t move, she couldn’t speak or even return the gesture. She was paralysed, stuck to the spot.

The new woman pulled back showing Faith her darker side. Panic flooded the eyes of the darker slayer, she couldn’t move to defend herself nor could she call out for help, this was the black widow of the vampires. She had paralysed her prey and now that fatal bite was all she needed to secure her meal for the evening.

“Aww poor baby” The vampire ran her finger along Faith’s jaw line, “Such a fabled slayer couldn’t even stop little me, never mind, I’ve had my fun and now, I’m hungry.” An evil smile spread across the vampires face as she forced her fangs into Faith’s neck.

Relentlessly she drained Faith of her life, even as the paralysis wore off; Faith had no strength left to fend her off. Propped against the wall Faith watched as her attacker walked away.

“Good night Slayer, I don’t think I’ll be seeing you around.”

Buffy, comfortably chilled was on a search for Faith. She had decided to tell her how she felt before that dance floor whore got there first. About to give in Buffy fell back onto the wall and let out a long sigh; her attention was drawn to the footsteps leaving the ally next to her.

It was her! That bitch that was dancing with ‘her’ Faith, she would have followed her if her curiosity hadn’t got the better of her. If she was leaving, where was Faith? Butterflies filled her stomach, if Faith wasn’t interested in this girl, maybe she would have more luck. Her mood brightened a little as she continued her search for Faith.

“Hello? Is any body down here? Faith, are you there?” Buffy was making her way down the alley a little freaked by the dark and Hell mouthish atmosphere.

She saw a figure in the shadows leaning against the wall.

“Faith? Is that you?” The body fell to the floor with a barely audible noise. “Oh my God!” Buffy ran to them, her instincts kicking in.

She cradled them up in her arms, a dim light caught Faith’s face. “Faith! Faith, are you ok? What happened?” Faith’s head rolled to reveal the trademark bite on her neck; Buffy’s eyes filled with tears, she could see that the vampire had left Faith for dead, and there was nothing she could do to save her. She called Willow and Kennedy out of the club on her cell phone; and prayed they found her in time.

Faith’s breathing was shallow and her heart was working over time to try and pump through the little blood that she had left. All Buffy could do was be there, keep her warm and make sure that she didn’t die alone. She knelt by her side holding onto her,

“It’s ok Faith, it’s me B” Buffy despised how Faith always abbreviated her name, but she hoped that it may spark something in Faith to keep fighting it, to try and live just that little bit longer.

Faith reacted to the voice she tried to open her eyes, “Buffy?” she struggled to talk as she sunk into the gentle hold of the smaller slayer.

“Shh, don’t speak, you have to hang on Faith, please stay with me, Will may be able to do something, please hang on…” A single tear fell from Buffy onto Faith’s cheek.

“Hey…B, you’re…you’re leaking,” A small smile was on Faith’s face, Buffy choked out a tiny laugh. Faith was dying, and still making jokes to the end.

Willow and Kennedy ran down the ally way towards the two slayers, kneeling down beside Buffy, Willow checked Faith over. Her face was sullen and panicked.

“Can you do anything Will? Please can you do something for her?” Buffy was pleading with her to try anything, even if it was in vain; Faith had to know how she felt.

Willow looked Faith over with a morose expression. She held a hand over Faith’s head and whispered a small spell; a tiny bright spark escaped her hand. Faith didn’t change, her body still working over time.

“Is she gonna be ok?” Buffy’s eyes were full to burst, she needed Faith to be ok, she was the only person she knew stronger than her, and she needed her more than ever.

Willow shook her head fighting back tears; “I’m sorry Buffy, there’s nothing any of us can do. I just, just took the pain away that’s all.”

Faith turned her head to face Buffy; the tears flooded from Buffy’s eyes, “How do-do you feel?” She wiped a tear away from her face.

“Five-by-five…I can’t feel it any more,” Faith paused to catch what little breath she had left; “The pain’s gone B, its ok.” Breathlessly Faith clung on.

Kennedy helped a glossy eyed Willow from the ground and held on to her as the tears fell. After everything the gang had been through fighting the first, their losses, their gains; it brought them all closer together. Willow had found it in her heart to forgive Faith, to offer her a clean slate; and now after she had worked so hard to regain their trust she was going to be taken away- again.

Carefully Buffy brushed the hair away from Faith’s face as she desperately sought the words to confess to her how she felt. As every second passed Faith grew weaker, she was being willed on by all three present.

“Please stay with me Faith, I have to tell you something,” The tears were not helping her, Faith couldn’t speak all she could do was look at her,

“I’ve known you for some time Faith, a-and times I’ve been jealous of you, times I’ve hated you. But now, I-I need you to know… Faith, I love you.” Buffy choked on her tears still clutching the body of the younger slayer.

The pupils in Faith’s eyes had dilated, shining through the tears of her own, she managed to mouth the words, I-Love-You. Slowly she lowered her head and closing her eyes she let go of the last breath she held.

Silently Buffy sat still holding onto the body of her past rival. The last tear fell onto the still warm lips of the girl, no the woman in her arms. Anger, pain and a renewed hate filled her mind, body, soul and grasped at her heart. Neither slayer was prepared for vampires, they thought, new town, normal life; and up until now, it had been- normal.

“Buffy, I-I’m sorry. We all knew how much she meant to you, and…” Kennedy stopped Willow before both friends ended up in tears once more. Faith’s attack had been recent there was still the possibility that they could still be around. Some one needed a clear head.

Without a word or gesture, scooping up the lifeless body, Buffy led the way to the nearest hospital.

So here I am in limbo. Not quite passed on but definitely dead; yeah it so sucks to be me. But it does have its benefits; I can see every thing as if I were there, like I’m the lucky s.o.b with a back stage pass at THE concert of the year. I haven’t been here long, though it felt like an eternity to begin, my body wasn’t even cold and I felt like I’d been here for a century.

There are a few people here, but I haven’t got to meet the big man yet, but I have been speaking to a few old timers. Their stories are a little boring, but from what I hear, we all have to wait for our ‘appointment’ you know to settle out some more permanent digs.

As you saw it was all normal teen stuff. After beating the first we were almost free, the next town from Sunnydale we called home. B and me didn’t have to patrol, there was no danger there. The potentials left to fill their ‘calling’; I moved in with Dawn and Buffy- eventually, and life was good, odd for a few weeks but good.

B was right, I woulda been a little bit freaked at first. But it always throws you a little off guard when someone loves you. Especially me, I mean come on, I’m big bad Faith. I’m dangerous, I didn’t deserve anything like that after what I did; but Buffy liked me, and I really liked her. But you know me, I’m not the type to go and spill it all out.

Yep, that was a bit of a bitch huh, what a way to go. Who ever heard of a slayer falling for that trick; there are stories of death during battle, and old age an’ sickness and all. But being reeled in like fish on a line now that’s a new one. It’s so embarrassing, and a girl! A girl and a vampire, sheesh!! Pretty emotional huh? I can’t believe B held out on me for so long! I mean right at the last minute; I’m gonna remember that for eternity no matter where I end up.

It was going to be a huge ceremony; all the potentials had been called back for it, their families, the Scoobies, everyone was there.

Faith was sat up in the rafters of the church waiting for the service to start. The music began to play…

“There’s no one in town I know,

  You gave us some place to go,

  I never said thank you for that,

  Thought I might get one more chance.

  What would you think of me now?

  So lucky, so strong, so proud

  I never said thank you for that,

  Now I’ll never get a chance,

  May angels lead you in,

  Here you’ll meet my friends,

  On sleepless roads the sleepless go

  May angels lead you in.

  So what would you think of me know?

  So lucky, so strong, so proud

  I never said thank you for that

  Now ill never have a chance

  And if you were with me tonight,

  I’d sing to you just one last time,

  A song for a heart so big,

  God wouldn’t let it live,

The potentials were all sombre or crying for the loss of such a strong role model. They idolised both Buffy and Faith, two so strong and devoted to their call. A hush filled the room as Buffy entered with Willow, Xander and Kennedy shouldering the Faith’s coffin.

Carefully the coffin was placed upon the stand. Buffy, passing by the minister, took up the position at the pulpit.

“Thank you all for coming today, I know a soppy service isn’t something that Faith would have wanted,”

Damn straight B and you know it.

“But we don’t always get what we want; in life or death.” Buffy paused to keep her composure,

“I’ve known Faith for what at times seemed too long, and through that time there have been conflicts in opinions and the physical. Several times Faith and I fought each other on either side of the battles. But Faith made the effort and she made the change, she joined us and risked her life to save others.”

***

“Faith, come away from there, you’re next.” An elderly lady was taking my hand,

“No, I can’t, I have to see how this ends!” Struggling seemed futile either my powers didn’t work after death or this old timer was wicked strong!

“Look I’ve been doing this for an eternity, it all ends the same. If you don’t come with me now and they destroy your body, bad, BAD things will happen.”

I couldn’t struggle, I tried so hard to break free and listen to what they were saying. As she pulled me further away a mist covered my view obscuring my vision.

“Why are they all the same every time?”

She forcefully sat me in a chair outside some description of office that wasn’t there a minute ago. My powers were gone, B was gone, and I was all alone and stuck in a place that could only be dreamed up on an acid trip. For the first time in my after life I was scared.

I blinked once and in that split second I was sat in a room resembling some description of office. In front of me was a desk twice the as tall as myself. Behind it were two high backed chairs facing away from me. I could hear voices between the two chairs arguing.

Quickly the voices became louder and I could tell this argument was in another language. More of what sounded like harsh words were exchanged then as quickly as the fight started it stopped. Both the chairs revolved and facing me was a huge beautiful woman and to her right, a guy scarily resembling Angel all in black.

“We have decided.” The woman broke the silence staring at me, “You have done several things with your life; many good. But we cannot overlook one vital fact. You took a human life and you must pay for this.  We are aware that you saved many lives and helped many people but our laws are absolute. It will all become clear.”

Before I could respond the room shifted again, damn this was making my head hurt. There were colours twisting, sound, like white noise played and ripped at the inside of my brain. The vortex was twisting my body into impossible angles, my skin stretched and pulled away from my body. I was being ripped apart and the pain was unbearable. I tried to close my eyes but something was forcing memories to me, bad memories, Buffy stabbing me, the Mayor, the First, death, my Father everything that had ever darkened my soul was playing non stop in my mind. I was changing I could feel it, change was good.

***

I landed in a mess on a hard dusty floor. I lifted my head groaning before I could even ask where I was a hard and immeasurable slash cut across my back, I wanted to scream in pain but all that came out was a deep roar that resounded in the room. I tried to lift myself up on my arms, but looking down at my body there was nothing of me that remained. In my hesitation another slash cut me as a whip came lashing down across my back.

I wasn’t going to wait for a third, I rolled out of the way and balanced on the limbs that I did have. Fantastic four legs, at least I had something a momentary lack of concentration earnt me another crack across my face; I roared again putting a hand… oh good God, putting a paw to my muzzle I felt the warm blood well in the recess.

“Nice to see that you’re awake.” I woman was standing not too far from me with the offending whip in her hands, I could see her heat, like I was seeing in infra red. All I could tell was that she was female and she hurt me.

“Look there’s no point in trying to think, we control your thoughts now. If you’re good they may even put in a few happy memories for you.”

I was subconsciously growling at her watching her flick that whip around.

“And don’t even think about coming after me, after your transition you are in no shape to fight back, yet. I had to hit you twice to get a reaction. They told me you were perfect for this, strong, quick reflexes like lightening. You must have lost your touch.”

How dare she? How dare she insult me? Angry thoughts filled my mind, bad memories, and bad times. This was worse than bad, this was my child hood. I’d paused again, and soon learnt my error another blood line appeared across my right shoulder as the pain on my back receded. That whip was mine, and I was going to get it.

Roaring out once more in pain I leapt away as the whip came cracking down to the ground where I was stood. I could feel my power back, my strength, and my reflexes. I anticipated her strikes and was out of harms way before she even brought the whip down. I circled her whilst dodging her onslaught.

She lifted her arm to catch me in a sweeping motion but I pounced grabbing her arm between my jaws I pinned her to the ground looking at her shocked face a growled through my filled mouth.

“I take it back; I think you just found your touch. But it’s still not quite enough.” With that she used her free hand to grab onto my think fur and swing her body so that she was now mounted on my back with her arm in my mouth.

Well it wasn’t that bad I still had the upper hand; well hers actually and there was no way I was letting go soon. I was about to bolt and try to throw her off as I leant back on my haunches she must have felt my movement, in that split second between decisions I could feel her hand on my back, I could feel her nails through my fur. It didn’t hurt, it was an odd feeling almost like she was stroking my back; just like B did that night.

I held onto that thought and I felt myself shrink, letting go of my hold I fell into a naked heap on the floor entwined with my captor I could see my body, it was MY body, I was human again. I looked up at the woman, who was tormenting me,

“Now you!”  I went to release a torrent of abuse,

“Wait!” she cut me off, I could see her pleading with me through her eyes, “Wait, hold onto that thought you had, please, it’s the only way I can explain.”

I forced my mind with memories of Buffy and Dawn, happy times, fun in the park, dancing at the clubs.

“If you keep a hold on your happy memories, your good times, this is how you will appear Faith, you keep your body. But I warn you, you will lose that thought quickly as your mind is being forced to relieve memories. When you relieve a particularly painful thought, like your death or anything of that nature you will become that beast once more.”

As she took a breath I got my word in quickly especially if I was going to lose this ‘happy thought’ damn how Peter Pan does that sound seriously.

“What the Hell am I doing here?” I could feel my rage rising once more, I tried to fight it so that I could find out all I could in the time I had.

“This, Faith is your temporary accommodation, you are in my charge until your sentence is carried out. Then the bosses back up top will decide where to send you.”

My face asked her a thousand questions but it was too late, I was changing again, I couldn’t fight it. It was like they were feeding me my worst experiences to live again. I could feel the fur force it’s way through my skin as my bones shifted in their joints to accommodate my new shape, back on my haunches horns forced through my skull and the previous scars found their way back.

I wanted to cry but my mind had been taken over, the only emotion I had now was rage, or at least I think that’s it. The woman resumed her charging role; I could smell fear on her but her body language wasn’t showing it. Her arm was free again and so was her whip.

She was yelling orders at me and cracking that whip at me, I ignored the orders and kept my eye on the whip. She soon worked out my movements and I couldn’t dodge anymore, each time I disobeyed, she got me with that whip. Eventually I gave in and sat like a show dog. Warm blood was filling the recesses in my skin but refused to fall, instead it matted my fur. The routine continued until I submitted and followed her orders.

I was loathing myself which only added to the fuel they were giving me to keep me in this state. My captor was stood in front of me, “Now is the time to see what you’ve learnt.” She ran a hand through my mane of fur, slowly she brought it down to my face feeling the invasion of my space I wanted to growl at her but all that came out was a soft purr.

“Hold onto a happy thought for me,” she was trying to calm me down, trying to make me change back.

I couldn’t do it; I couldn’t find anything to hold onto. “Here this may help.” She closed her eyes and the room changed in a flash of colour. My eyes focused again; there was a body in front of me, my nose picked up a particular scent, vanilla? B?

As quick as realisation hit me I changed still with my face in her hand, those eyes so green and deep. I could have got lost in them forever, her smile as she looked at me, those dimples, the crook in her neck I remembered it all.

“I need to know that you won’t betray me,” Her voice, was calm and caring. I believed that she was there holding me up in front of her.

“Never,” I sighed out. I felt so safe in her touch away from the pain, away from the anger and painful memories.

“I need to know that you will obey me,” She began to gently kiss and suck on my pulse point just below my two puncture scars. I was getting lost in the welcome touch, but something wasn’t right, her lips weren’t warm and her touch wasn’t Buffy’s. This woman was rough and ragged, like me.

Breaking away from her I held back tears in my tired eyes, crying out, “You’re not her! You’re not her! Get away from me!” This woman still remained in her form sauntered over to me sexily swaying her hips.

I was trying to look everywhere but at her, my hands held my aching head, I’d had enough I needed to get out, I was lost and confused. She tried to comfort me by taking my shaking body into her arms. I cried onto her shoulder as she cooed soothing noises into my ears.

“Maybe you would react better to this.” She gently let me go and flashed B’s smile at me one more time. The room flashed a brilliant black light and before me stood Kakistos. “Better?” He snarled at me,

Fear was quickly replaced as I pounced at him changing in the air as I did so. A powerful hit struck my under belly sending me twenty foot across the floor, scrambling up quickly I returned to my quarry.

“I see Faith; these memories affect you so much. Why don’t you do something about it? Come on take me down!”

Leaping at him once more he quickly dodged my attack. As I turned to try once more I ran to my target but Kakistos wasn’t there, but my captor was.

“Stop!” she held out an arm and cracked her whip against the dusty floor, I scrambled for a hold on the ground and stopped in my tracks. Breathing heavily and pawing my claws at the ground I had all this energy suddenly and no outlet.

“That’s enough for today Faith. We have both learnt much.” She ambled over to me stroking the fur on my neck she led me away to a small room. Within it was a bed and on the floor a pile of straw. “Just in case you change during the night, don’t want you to die of cold now.”

With that she left me to my thoughts and memories. I clambered up onto the bed and curled up within myself and tried to rid these memories from my mind. I didn’t want to stay like this; I hated this existence all I wanted to do was be me again. As I drifted off into the darkness it was all I thought about.

The following morning I was woken up by a loud clanging on my cage doors. Sitting bolt upright, “Hey keep it down!” Hey! I could shout, I wasn’t all big on the fur front; I woke up in MY body! Smiling at me she threw down some clothes,

“Can’t have you getting a cold now can we?” I pulled on the clothing, but I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable with her eyes watching me.

“See something you like?” Raising my eyebrow, she just smiled and walked away.

“Big day today Faith, today we put your training to the test. Oh you may need this,” She left a scabbard by the door to the cage and waited in the arena for me.

I slung the sword over my shoulder and followed her out. “How’s about a little warm up this morning? I wanna test something out before we get down to, what ever the hell I’m here to do.”

“Fine by me.” She unravelled the whip attached to her hip, “Come on, take me down.”

“No tricks this time,” I ran at her relishing the feel of two legs. Grabbing the sword hilt I pulled out a sword of black light. It looked just like a black flame, damn! Time to do some damage.

She swung at my legs to drop me; I effortlessly jumped into a cannon roll sweeping the sword at her as I jumped over her. I landed with a huge grin; I’d got her for sure!

“Nice try slayer, but that sword doesn’t work on me,” Before I’d even rolled out the way the whip found purchase in my back. I wasn’t staying for another one; I got to my feet replacing the sword. My boots found their grip and sent me to her, jumping into a cannon roll once more she wasn’t ready for what followed.

I landed on her with my huge forepaws pinning her shoulders to the ground. My nose was at her nose and I growled through my bared teeth. The look on her face was priceless.

“How did you do that?”

Changing back I kept my weight on my arms still pinning her down, “I grew up on my own, didn’t like to share much. My memories are no exception.”

“I had no idea that you would be back in control so quickly!” I had my proud face on, I’d beat her ass! However this was until she flipped the tables, great she was straddling my midsection as I lay in the dust underneath her.

“But all good things must come to an end Faith. We have work to do, maybe if you’re a good girl today you may get a treat when we come home.”

What the hell did that mean? I looked at her in confusion, for one brief moment I could have sworn her eyes were green.

***

We walked side by side through a busy town center. “Here Faith,” She handed me a piece of paper, it read, “Marco’s, Armed robbery 14:46, 1 soul.”

“Erm, what the hell is this?” I looked at the paper in disbelief; this wasn’t what I was supposed to do was it?

“That is your quota Faith. You must be at that restaurant at that time and collect one soul from the incident. Only one must die Faith else there will be serious repercussions. Don’t look at me like that.”

I tried to protest, “How am I supposed to do that? Have I got to kill them??”

“So to speak Faith. You won’t be seen by anyone but your chosen soul. You can cut them down with your sword or get down with your demon self. It’s really up to the powers that be; it depends on what they want to see.”

“You have got to be joking. I got my demon side down I can turn it on and off. Personally I prefer the biped version.”

We just kept walking through the crowds, “Well Faithy I’m sure you’re not going to believe me so just find out on your own. Its 14:30 already and I don’t think your two legs are going to get you across town in sixteen minutes. Bye now I’ll see you when you have completed your task.”

Oh great, she was right too. I began running towards the restaurant and changed as I threw my weight forwards. My front paws hit the ground with a thud and I continued until I found it.

Returning to two feet I didn’t make my presence known, I sat in the corner waiting for what was to come. Looking at my watch, 14:45 sixty seconds to go. Five, four, three, two, one. Cue armed psycho.

Right on time a man walked through the door. He stood in the centre of the room and looked around. A waitress called to him to take any of the seats. He reached inside his jacket, was this him? He sat at a table; something about him reeked of bad. I couldn’t tell much about him in this state. She was right, I needed a better look. Silently I stalked him in the shadow, he was warm, but he was hotter than all the other bodies. His hands were cold; there was a cold patch next to his chest that must be the gun.

I wasn’t waiting anymore I had to get him before other people died, they only need one and here he is. I poked my nose out of the shadow, it caught his attention. He was panicking more now, he reached for the cold patch this was it. I pounced on him and grabbed his struggling throat easily within my jaw. Swiftly I bit down and ended his writhing. There were noises, people screaming. I got a better view through my own eyes, waitresses screaming, and calling ambulances.

I helped him up off the floor. He rubbed his neck, “Damn did you have to be so rough?” Great they could talk too, and I thought I was going crazy.

“Well yeah you kept squirming and screaming.” He shrugged his shoulders in a sort of ‘you got me’ manner. So where was what’s her name, funny that she had never introduced herself. Another of the afterlife’s many mysteries.

***

Meanwhile back in the real world…

After the funeral a few of the nouvelle slayers remained behind to help Buffy back to her feet. She had changed dramatically since Faith’s death. Embracing her grief she clung to her past memories of Faith and fell into a deep cycle of nothing but pain.

Dying her hair to the exact shade of Faith’s raven locks Buffy also emulated her style of clothes and make up. After all left in Faith’s wake were all of her effects, she had come a long way since a duffle bag in the bus station. Absorbing all the elements of Faith’s attitude and look Buffy held on, she remembered and prayed that she never forgot.

Dawn had gone through a similar change but remained true to herself. She carried a picture of all three of them together everywhere that she went; she had also taken Faith’s crucifix, she felt more at ease wearing it that she ever did wearing her own. She knew somehow Faith had lived on, not sure where but with Willow’s help she was damnned if she wasn’t going to try and find her.

Buffy was still the chosen one, but the potentials that remained took over her patrol. She was intent on only one thing now, and until she found that one vampire she would not rest. She felt guilty every sunrise that past when she hadn’t found her. She would return to her home and stay up all night and hold onto Faith’s jacket, some of her perfume still remained. The smell of her perfume and sweat from patrolling intoxicated the smaller slayer and pushed her drive harder.

It had taken Buffy only a week of intense searching to find her. There was no epic battle, no melee in the cemetery. The plan had been simple; Buffy had trapped her, and taken her back to her home. As much as the vampire struggled Buffy had found more strength everyday in her body and resolve. She was going to make her pay, big-time. Chaining her to the wall the vampire tried at every opportunity to get Buffy close enough to attack her. Buffy planted a meaning full kick to the side of her head before climbing the stairs.

Dawn was waiting in the kitchen, she knew what was downstairs. She had silently watched Buffy the night before. The silence between them spoke volumes; Buffy took her sister by the hand and led them both down into the basement to the prone vampire.

“Is this the one?” Dawn’s voice shook with anger; she didn’t want to cry again, she wanted vengeance as much as Buffy did.

A silent nod was the answer to her question. Dawn spat on the grinning vampire.

“I need your help Dawn. If I hold her mouth open I need you to put this in.” Buffy held up a metal contraption similar to a bear trap but the springs had been changed so that the mechanism tried to open. Attached was a small light that flashed red.

Buffy punched the vampire before forcefully grabbing her face and yanking her jaw open. The vamp had seen the small item and was screaming in protest. Silently and with no look of remorse Dawn placed the item in her mouth. The springs slowly expanded forcing the mouth of the vamp open to reveal all of her teeth and fangs.

“Now what?” Dawn stood back and admired their handy work. But she wasn’t quite sure how this would serve her need for revenge.

“You might want to look away for this one Dawn.” Buffy’s face never changed throughout.

“No way Buffy, she took Faith from me too. What ever you do I want to be a part of it.” Dawn rejoined her sister as they shared a quick hug; Buffy placed a kiss on Dawn’s forehead before approaching the vampire.

Reaching into her pocket Buffy removed a Swiss army knife. Crouching by the panicking vampire she waved it in front of her face.

“You know the Swiss are such inventive people. I mean a knife, spork, file, screwdriver oh and look a pair of pliers, all in one little gadget!” The vampire looked at the pliers, she knew what was coming and continued to scream and writhe.

Upstairs the potentials were listening intently on what was going on, a few began to feel sick.

Buffy firmly gripped one of her fangs with the tool. “Never again,” she whispered into the vampire’s ear. With a firm pull the tooth was extracted releasing a blood curdling scream from the prisoner.

“Dawn, do you want to do the other one?” Buffy had looked over her shoulder to her little sister who was still stood in a menacing pose.

“No, I’m good Buffy, do what you have to do.”

Nodding in agreement Buffy moved to the other fang, with another forceful tug the tooth came free. She stood and walked away from the screaming of the vamp.

“Here Dawn, take these upstairs and clean them for me. Put them in my room then do not come back down do you understand?”

Dawn nodded, she knew her sister had something planned and if her not being there was what she wanted, it was probably for the best.

Buffy watched her sister up the stairs before sauntering over to the whimpering creature in her basement. She held up a small black switch to her face,

“Wanna know what this does?” the vampire shook her head violently. “Tough shit.”

Buffy pushed the little switch. The light attached to the contraption flashed green and beeped loudly. Buffy pressed it again and the springs released the contraption ripping the jaw from the vampires head quickly and efficiently. She screamed so loudly, Buffy head one of the potentials throw up.

She violently grabbed at the hair on the vamps head forcing her gaze upward to the sky light.

“Would you look at that beautiful moonlight tonight? You know I think it’s gonna be dawn soon. Give or take an hour or two. See you later bright eyes.” Buffy left the shivering corpse to stir as she ascended the stairs.

Kennedy was first in line when she reached the kitchen, “What did you do?”

Buffy stopped dead and looked her in the eye, “Words cannot express. Is Dawn upstairs?” A shocked Kennedy nodded and pointed upstairs.

Dawn was waiting in Buffy’s room with the teeth cleaned and ready as she had requested.

“I heard her screaming, is she dead?” Buffy sat next to her and took Dawn in her arms,

“She’s undead, but no she isn’t gone yet.”

Releasing her she took the fangs from her. She picked up a thick needle and used the Swiss knife as a weight and punched a small hole through each fang. Taking two lengths of leather Buffy strung each fang onto the leather thongs. She tied one of the ‘pendants’ around Dawn’s neck and the other around her own. At last they had their vengeance.

Again Buffy lead the two sisters down to the basement. The sun would rise quickly and they both wanted to witness the extermination. As the sun rose the vampire began screaming again as the sunlight periodically turned her body to dust. Buffy brushed up the dust and put it into an urn. Taking the remains into the house Willow sent the urn and the content to the next dimension.

After preventing the robbery at that cess pit of a restaurant, she sent me back to whatever layer of hell we had come from. It gave me some more time to train sort of. Well if I was gonna be cursed with this beast I may as well learn to control it.

I just kept running around and pouncing at nothing in particular. I made targets out of my bedding to try and hone these new skills. The more I used my nastier form I found a sort of middle ground. I know it sounds complicated, but you have no idea how it feels to fall down like a toddler at 22. I could run and jump just like the old me, but all of my slayer powers had been replaced, my strength, senses everything. So human Faith was just that, pre slayer, defenceless. I guess that’s why she gave me that wicked cool sword!

Yet as this mega pissed monster, I had it all back, strength, sense and power. But I still had to get used to four legs and no thumbs, yeah it was kinda funny at first but it just got frustrating. I kept forgetting that I couldn’t balance on two feet any more and face met dirt more often. I kept on though; tried to make the best of it. But the more I tried getting used to something new I just fell down. I tried something different; I stopped trying to be this beast, and tried to be me.

I don’t know how long she was away but, I needed something to do. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t like this whole killing deal, but technically I’m not the one taking their life am I? I mean come on; I’m just doing what I’m told here. I can’t get emotionally involved, can I? Why should it bother me what happens to these people, why does it bother me about what they have left behind? I didn’t know anything about that guy, did he have children? A wife? A friendly dog?

Damnnit why is this so hard? I sat in the corner with my head in my hands, I could feel it, all the pain he felt, everything he left behind. Images flooded to me, there he was, children, a wife. He had it all, why did he have to rob that place? Why am I feeling this? Pain grasped at my heart and anger filled my mind, I felt like I had lost him, like he was a part of me. Is this my punishment? Not only am I a monster but now I am tormented by the spirits of strangers? If this is what it’s like for one, I don’t think I can cope with any more.

I was standing now, pawing at my head trying to rid my mind of these images, trying to let it go. I had changed again subconsciously; I swore I had a hold on this. A loud crack broke me from my state, wrenching my body to the origin of the noise there she was. That bitch was back.

“Well done my little beastie!” she said it in such a childlike way, I growled in disapproval. “You did very well. I promised you a treat and here it is.” She came over and started ruffling my mane, “You have a choice. You can either have a two hour pass back to that cess pit of a home you come from. Or you can spend the night sharing a dream with the slayer?”

I forced my human body back, “What the hell do you mean?”

“Well you did such a good job, must make sure my little monster has some incentive now.” She cocked her head with a scary grin.

“So I keep up my end of the deal, and this can be a regular occurrence?” Maybe this place may have some advantages, especially if I planned this carefully.

“We’ll have to see about that Faithy.” She was stood in front of me now just looking me up and down like a toy, or more precisely her play thing.

“Well can’t I do an hour of both?” Points for quick thinking, hopefully if she fell for it I could get out of here sooner rather than later.

“Now that’s cheating,” she was running her hand through my hair, her other still held that fucking whip. “If you want to do both, I’m gonna need some persuading that you’ve earned it baby doll.” The look in her eye was unmistakable, I knew what she wanted.

“Deal” I grinned back showing off my teeth a primal symbol, she didn’t scare me.

She dropped the whip and flashed me a wicked smile; she was far too much like me, get some get gone kinda gal. At least losing my slayer powers lost that little ‘itch’ after a kill. God it sounds so barbaric now, it’s not demons and vamps anymore, it’s people.

Taking my hands she led me into my cage, she laid down on my bed in a provocative pose, she beckoned me with the simple movement of her finger. Carefully straddling her body I began to trace kisses down her jaw, I reached her neck. A strong smell of death and decay filled my nostrils,

“I can’t do this, not like this. I’m sorry.” I went to move off of her but she grabbed my thigh and held me in place.

“Maybe this will calm your nerves,” She waved her hand and she changed, a black light disguised the switch, but looking under me my eyes met with two deep green pools as blonde hair splayed across the head of the bed.

Smiling slightly I lowered my head back to her neck, a disguise of vanilla and slight perspiration drove my mind crazy. I needed that time; it was just easier this way. Placing rough kisses down her neck she was moving towards me needing the contact; expertly I removed her corset, (not an easy task but you soon work it out, come on I had been busted for breaking and entering so many times before!) continuing my assault on the soft flesh I could feel her breath quickening.

B would never enjoy this, she is too delicate, but maybe I can work off some steam. Roaming my hands down her abdomen I busied my hands with her trousers as I ran my tongue roughly across her chest ravishing her flesh and grazing her with my teeth. Violently removing her remaining clothing there before me wasn’t Buffy, but just for now I fooled myself.

I took her small nipple into my mouth and attacked it with my tongue, my captor was writhing under me enjoying the pleasurable pain that I was inflicting. I took her other breast into my hand and gently grazed the little tip mixing together the two tempos. I smiled inwardly as my two movements were confusing her body; she wanted to relax to the soft touch and yet force herself to more of the brutal pleasure.

I released both breasts to a dissatisfied whine only to swap. I softly massaged the wet, hard nipple with my hand gently brushing the tip with my fingers. She groaned to the continued stimulation. Taking the other peak into my mouth I returned my forceful assault to her breast, grazing and occasionally biting down on her as the slow rubbings of my hand confused her senses even more.

Satisfied that her mind was rocked with anticipation of my next move I slowly left her stiff nipples, I ran both of my hands down her sides forcing my nails to pull at her skin. Keeping my head low I ran a trail with my tongue across her stomach, slowly, sensual. Swirling around her navel I carefully dipped my tongue to contrast the cruel feel of my nails. I reached the small triangle between her hips that held the salvation of the evening. My captor was still writhing under the touch, obviously enjoying herself.

Again removing all contact I could tell she was worked up as she pleaded with me through her dilated eyes. Taking one finger I gently drew in a circular motion all over the patch skipping so close to that one point before withdrawing as she bucked her hips for the friction that wasn’t there. Oh yes, I’m a bitch. I continued the gentle game of mouse and cat, that pussy really wanted this little mouse. Using my other hand I roughly grazed her inner thigh again withdrawing before I got too close. The gentle swirls were getting closer and closer to the goal. I could hear her breath hitching,

“Please, please touch me. Stop this teasing I can’t take it,” Even the voice was like B, it just made me wanna do it more.

Standing at her side I looked into her eyes as my finger got so close, carefully and so gently I slid my finger into the wet folds seeking out that little button. Finding her small bud I slowly began to rub her so carefully as if there was a ghost doing this. She tried to buck her hips putting more force on her spot. I placed a knee on her keeping her down as I teased her bud. I returned my mouth to her straining nipple. Taking in my mouth once more my cruel teasing contrasted against the brutal sucking and biting.

Her body moved under me to little effect, my finger kept stroking her so slowly- I was gonna make her see, she fucked the wrong bitch. Her heart was racing as her breath became ragged, she was close. She sucked in a breath expecting to fall into the pleasure I was giving her. Her little clit twitched expectantly waiting for that final touch, my movement stopped. She released her breath and was going to protest until my careful rubbing began once more, taking her to the edge once more she was crying out.

“Please Faith, please I’m so close!” My finger stopped again.

“Do I get my wish?” Her eyes shot open as I gently rubbed her more,

“God, I’ll give you three hours if you just let me come please!”

Success, she was at the edge again, she was expecting it this time, and Id got what I wanted. But I stopped once more. She cried out again. But before she could change her mind my head was already between her legs, violently I licked at her swollen and expectant pussy, taking her clit into my mouth I sucked at it hard over and over till she was back at the peak. I kept going kept up the friction and force until she came in a wave of pleasure. Her juices ran out as I kept sucking on her drawing out her orgasm as her body shook and spasmed in ecstasy.

***

“So about this little deal?” Wearily she waved her hand at me and the room darkened. Sat in the corner illuminated by a small struggling light was her, her blonde hair darkened and matted with dirt. She sobbed alone into the darkness.

“B, is that you?” She looked up at me before running over to me arms wide and welcoming as she sobbed uncontrollably into the dark. She kept grabbing and pawing at me just to prove I was there. I couldn’t say anything; she just sat sobbing into my arms. Her warm familiar scent was gone, replaced by a musky memorable smell; death. She smelled like death and looked like hell. Her green eyes stained grey through relentless tears.

“You came back, I knew you would, you came back. I tried to bring you back Faith. I wanted you back so much, I need you.” She was hysterical and determined that I was real. Well I was real but I would never be real to her, not anymore.

“Shh, come here B,” I cradled her shaking body as she let it all out, “I have to tell you a few things Buffy, and you need to hear them.” She looked up at me and shook her head,

“No, no words Faith, I don’t want to know the truth, I know this is a dream, but please don’t tell me the truth, just let me believe, just for now.” She tried to get closer into me as she clung onto me, too scared to let me go.

I held her as she calmed down, her dream was dark and cold, there was a single light coming from what was a tall candle. I looked closer at it, it had numbers written down it, there were 5 left. I must have been thinking out loud as Buffy found her quiet, lost and fragile voice,

“It’s been in my dreams since, since…” she sniffed and held back a sob, I think I knew, “It’s been here since you left, I don’t know why, but it doesn’t matter now, you’re here, with me.”

The flame flickered but refused to die, what the hell was it for? Knowing nothing of the subconscious I couldn’t tell.

“Yeah, I’m here. But I can’t stay, not for long. I have to tell you something.” I pulled her from me and forced her eyes to mine, they where hollow, empty. Her spark had gone, that sparkle that caught me, it had all gone.

“B, look at me, I’m not myself anymore, I will never be what I was. I can’t come back. I can’t hold you, I can’t love you and I can’t save you. It hurts me so much to say this, but this is our only time, our last time.”

Her eyes were filling once more, she knew this, but she couldn’t let go.

I forced her gently away from me, “This,” I pointed to my body, “This isn’t me anymore, I’m a reaper B. I kill people everyday, I have to kill again and again, and it hurts so badly. I’m being punished Buffy, I’m not in heaven. This is worse than hell. Everything I was, everything I could have been is gone. This is all that’s left.”

I walked a little further back; her shaking body froze in terror as my body twisted and contorted. My screams of pain deepened as I roared. I landed back on shaking legs looking up at her with pleading eyes.

She couldn’t speak, to scared to move, “Faith?” she whimpered. I approached her slowly and placed my head on her lap looking up at her. Her hand shook as she brushed some of the thick mane from my eyes. “What did they do to you?”

I walked back and forced myself to change back.

“I want you to do something for me B,”

“Anything,” she whispered her voice was full of fear and pain,

I walked to her and cradled her once more,

“Promise me that if you ever see that; that monster. If you ever see it please run. Please promise me, if you see it – someone will die B. Promise me please.”

She nodded as renewed tears streaked her face, “I still love you Faith, I don’t care, I still love you, why can’t I see you?”

“When you next patrol, when you are out in the dark, when you are alone, look into the shadows, look hard and look deep. There you will find me.”

I let her go and began to walk away, my time was fast wavering, she had fallen to the floor again crying and calling for me to come back. She screamed that she couldn’t live without me, but she had to, I have to.

I turned and whispered, “I love you, with all of my heart and what is left of my soul, I love you.” My eyes were hollow, I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. The sting of tears was there, but there was to be no release. As I continued the dark and cold of her dream faded from me as I returned to my perpetual hell.

Days passed, souls were taken, and again I felt the pain, all the hurt everything these people had, everything I took I felt. If I wasn’t dead I’d jump of a cliff.

Buffy woke surrounded by concerned faces. Willow was trying to hold her, calm her somehow. As consciousness returned to her Buffy stopped shaking but couldn’t hide her tear stained face. Soothing words and gestures were made, but she couldn’t respond. Seeing her had brought it all back, but she didn’t want to go back. She wanted to bring her here, bring her to the now.

Her shaky voice broke the silence in the room. “Giles, what do you know about shape shifters or hell demons or anything like that. I saw something and I need to find out what it is.” Giles could only nod and walk towards his personal library. The others followed leaving Willow to help her dress.

As the two friends entered the room several heads popped up from dusty tomes each plastered with weak semi comforting smiles. Buffy was always a little wigged when she had seriously bad dreams, but this was getting sensitive.

“Buffy, do we have anything to go on here, maybe to narrow down the search?” Giles had a fatherly hand on her arm.

“It was Faith,” all the heads popped up again eaves dropping or deliberately listening. “She came to me. She held me and told me she loved me. But then she changed, she turned into something huge, definitely demonesque. She told me that if I ever saw it, I had to run cos’ someone was gonna die. Not quite angels and harps where she is, but I will find her.”

Heads quickly snapped back to their respective books as she finished her sentence. “I think Buffy we have been looking in the wrong section. It would appear that you didn’t see a hell demon, quite the opposite really.”

Dawn piped up surprising the silent company. “So she’s still a player for  all that’s good and, and definitely not Hell mouthish then?”

Giles face contorted as he searched for the right words to say. “That’s not the good face Giles, please give me some good news.” Buffy pleaded with him as he continued.

“If my theory is correct she isn’t evil, but not particularly good either. Biblical scriptures tell of an angel of death, sent to reap the souls of the living prior to death. However the angel themselves just takes the souls for judgement, the souls are taken by a ‘ladon’ Hear me out. A Ladon is a beast neither evil or devine. It is a beast that purely does it’s duty, the beast takes many forms but it’s only purpose is to reap the souls of those predestined to; well die.” He took off his glasses while letting out a long sigh.

Dawn wasn’t quite taking it all in, “But we can still get her back right? Like we did with Buffy?” Buffy stared at the ground briefly reliving the pain and confusion after she had returned. She didn’t want to put her through that, but she needed her back.

 Willow slowly shut the book she had been looking through. “I’m sorry Dawnie but it doesn’t look like we can.” Dawn’s eyes filled with tears demanding to know why. “She isn’t Faith anymore- just a shell, this beast isn’t her. What she is, I believe is her punishment.” Willow paused giving enough time for Dawn to leap in,

“But she never did anything wrong! She saved the world, she never hurt anyone! Why the hell is she being punished?” Buffy took the hysterical girl into her arms. “She never hurt anyone Buffy, what could she have done?” she was crying into Buffy’s shoulder. Xander went to explain but a forceful hand of Giles’ sat him down again. She never needed to know- Dawn idolised Faith, telling her of Faith’s flaws would kill her.

“I don’t know what we are going to do Dawn, but we’ll find something, or die trying.” Dawn’s teary eyes looked at Buffy and the others for reassurance. All nodded, they had been looking for a way to reverse this since the night that Faith was attacked- why change the habit of a lifetime.

That night Buffy’s dreams were devoid of anything but one lone flickering candle, there were four numbers left.

***

Faith had continued to try and please her new mistress- she needed to be with Buffy again, and if this was how she did it then she knew what she had to do. She was beginning to feel like her old self BB (before Buffy). She had shut down her senses- walked through the part every day just to satisfy the growing appetite of her captor. She had to do some unspeakable things just for her to explain about the numbers in Buffy’s dreams…

Faith backed up off the cold body of her jailor and washed herself up; the woman just lay there panting for breath. “Well?”

“Well what my little monster.” Faith cringed- she wasn’t a monster but she soon would be if she had to keep this up.

“You’ve had your fun now spill it!” Faith was yelling her voice full of fiery passion she had to know what was coming, maybe she could stop it.

“Lots of people have dreams like that, what makes you think that this slayer is any different?” She tried to dismiss the conversation.

Faith flipped, her face was inches from the other woman, Faith’s voice dripped with venom and breath like ice, “I have to know what is happening. Tell me or...”

The semi naked woman forced Faith away from her, “Or what Faith, what can you possibly do to intimidate me?” Faith leapt at her with the full force of claws and teeth. 

The jailor clicked her fingers and returned to her clothed state summoning her weapon to hand. “Don’t even think about it.” Faith growled and slunk away.

***

With Dawn ushered away from the group work continued,

“I’m sorry Buffy, there really isn’t much we can do- even if we could bring Faith back there is always a chance that there will be the bestial side of her. Oz was one thing but I don’t think I have the facilities to contain a reaper demon.”

Buffy hung her head. “I know” she whispered.

With Dawn ushered away the group returned to their work.

"I'm sorry Buffy, there isn't really much we can do. Even if we can bring Faith back, there will always be a chance that there will still be a beast within her. Oz was one thing but I don't think that I have the facilities to contain a reaper demon."

Buffy hung her head, "I know," she whispered, " I just wish, I've got to try, I just feel so responsible."

"Buffy no. Nobody could have done anything." Willow half hugged the morose slayer.

"That's just it Will. I should have done something, I should have stopped it. I should have saved her. I'm the slayer, meant to protect and all that other junk. I was supposed to stop it, I was supposed to be there for her. It's my fault."

Buffy had never let it go, catching the vampire that killed Faith wasn't enough. It hadn't got rid of her guilt, just her agression. She fell into a chair and began flicking through a giant tome.

***

The time had come for the evening's patrol, although everyone had protested against her going, Buffy comprimised and had allowed Dawn to tag along.

"Just don't get in my way OK? I don't wanna hurt you with my mad skills,"

"Don't worry Dawn I won't impede on your mad kung fu skillage."

"And don't you forget it." Buffy rolled her eyes. Something about tonight didn't feel right, she could feel eyes on her; it made her feel uneasy that something was following her. Looking into the bushes she could have sworn something moved.

"You know the routine right Dawnie?" Dawn huffed pre tantrum, "I knock them down and you..."

"Stake them. I know, I know. I just feel so redundant. My part is like mega boring." Dawn swung her arms about.

"Well look sharp kiddo vamps dead ahead." Buffy grinned,

"Do you have to make that joke everytime?" the sisters quickly dispatched the group.

"See, boring. That was too easy, no witty banter or dramatic displays," Buffy cut her off,

"I know." Dawn's eyes shot open,

"You're actually agreeing with me?" Her face full of suprise and pride.

"Now I didn't say that. It was just too easy that's all. Like they were running from something." Buffy scanned the shadows, a grunt came from one of the bushes.

Grabbing a rock she forcefully flung it into the bush; the rock thudded against something hard. Parting the small branches there was nothing there but a dented boulder.

"Great I'm on patrol with a paranoid slayer. Geez this is gonna take all night isn't it? Just let me know when to duck OK?"

Buffy span around and looked above Dawn with her jaw agape, "Dawn, DUCK!!" Dawn turned to see the giant demon looming over the pair of them.

The huge mass of scale and muscle roared and growled with deafening effect. With a single swing of it's huge arm it sent Dawn flying into a tree. Her body hit across the trunk with a loud crack, she fell to the floor limp. The monster followed her body intent on finishing the job. Buffy leapt at it laying slash after slash with her silver coated sword. But the mighty beast just tossed her aside like a rag doll. Screaming out she violently smashed her head against a rock.

Her vision blurred but in her fading sight she saw her, the long raven hair, and those same eyes.

"Faith?" She felt a cold hand on her face,

"Shh, I'm so sorry. Don't hate me." She felt a breif tender kiss on her forehead.

"No..don't go..." With that Buffy drifted into the dark.

Earlier that day Faith had been sleeping off the previous night's job- a pile up on the free way meant her work was cut out for her.

"Good morning princess." Faith rolled over pretending not to hear her. "Still asleep huh?" She snuggled down further into her bed. "She won't want to hear about some incredibly interesting news," no movement, "about her freedom?" Like a bullet Faith shot out of bed.

"I'm up, I'm up!" The woman smiled,

"So I see." Faith dusted herself off and walked over to the scary woman.