Story: Fist of the Necoconeco (chapter 12)

Chapter 12: Sakaki vs the Guidance Counsellor from Hell, part 3
(Where Osaka displays her amazing American History knowledge ... )

Through Muraki Makoto's eyes ...

Hmm, finally an interesting assignment ... Those Yanki punks can get boring after a while. I've been rubbing shoulders with them -- and kicking their asses -- ever since high school, when I was one myself. Still, this is a cool job ... paid by the government to kick ass, hehehe. Much better than running errands for the yakuza. Looks like you played your cards right, Muraki "-sensei" ...

Anyway, the mentality of High School delinquents hasn't changed since my time, even though they've started to dress up like American Gangsta lately. They're like animals, all of them ... which makes them rather easy to reform. That is, it's easy to break them. They're used to bow down to superior strength -- that's how gangs are formed in the first place. So, all you have to do is crush the head, and then the whole pack submits to your will.

Well, sometimes, you come across a lone wolf who refuses to bow down, no matter what. Just like myself when I was a kid ... or like that psycho blond kid from my last assignment. I still kicked his ass and had him expelled, but he "vowed to take revenge" or something, heh.

Now, having to reform a girl; that's pretty rare ... you find a girl problem student every now and then, and even girl gangs -- what a joke! Unfortunately, I've never been assigned to such cases. Breaking them must be particularly fun ... hehehe.

That Sakaki girl, she's supposed to be super hot. Could be a rare gem of an opportunity ... and according to what I've been able to find out this morning during my investigations, she's popular and tries hard to pass for a model student. So she's probably vulnerable when it comes to her reputation ... all I have to do is dig up some dirt on her. And it's probably gonna be easy, with all those other chicks having a crush on her. She probably already experimented with one or two ... Bitch.

Anyway, they almost seem to worship the ground she treads on. I wonder why; she's supposed to be cool and all, and "super-strong" at fighting, but still, this is rather extreme ...

The worst of them was that mousy girl from ... What's His Name's class. Man, she has it bad. She didn't seem too eager to answer my questions at first, but when I told her I was an inspector from the Ministry of Education looking for candidates for the Best High School girl of the Nation Award, she immediately started babbling her head off, praising that Sakaki girl to the skies, like she was THE ultimate being. That stupid broad just wouldn't stop bugging me after that. Almost had to pry her off me with a crowbar.

Feh, I can't believe how many lez there are in this school. I heard it's supposed to be fairly common among high school chicks; some sort of phase, before they learn more about real sex. Still, I had no idea it was that bad.
Hehe, they just need to be shown what a true man's all about ... Looks like that Tanizaki bitch still hasn't outgrown that stage, unlike her friend. Bah, I'll deal with them later.

Still, there's something I don't understand about that Sakaki case. I had some trouble finding accurate information about what really happened with the punks from Hiirin High School. Strange ... before it collapsed, Hiirin High was supposed to be one of the worst problem schools in the area. I was never assigned there myself, but I heard from a colleague that their brand of delinquents were pretty tough. And she's supposed to have beaten them like they were nothing?

Ok, let's assume she knows some martial arts, and got in a fight with the head of the punks, for some reason ... he probably hesitated to strike her, so she took advantage of that. And maybe she injured him badly on purpose when he was down, which made the other punks fear her somewhat. But I don't get it, how could it get to the extent of them acknowledging her as a school guardian? What a frigging joke!

Bah, that nerd from first year I persuaded to tell me what he witnessed from the first fight didn't say anything worthwhile. I mean ... sending an enormous guy flying with a simple push? Chi attacks? Crushing her opponent's hands with her breasts? Ha! That's a riot! I bet the wimpy students from this school never saw a real fight before ... That four-eyed Otaku probably got things mixed up with some stupid animé.

Anyway, I heard there was a second fight ... Ok, later today I'll grab myself some students who witnessed that one. And they'd better give me more useful details, or else! Too bad all the delinquents have been expelled already; I could have interrogated them properly.

... But before that, I'll have a little look in that 3-3 classroom. The students went to gym class half-an-hour ago, and left their bags in the classroom. That gives me the perfect opportunity to snoop around a bit for ... clues, hehehe. I've been waiting long enough, I think; and there's nobody in the hall right now ...

Hmm, let's see, that Sakaki girl's seat is supposed to be that one near the window. Right ... maybe I'll find something interesting in her bag ... something like a diary, or a love-letter.

Ok, still nobody around ... so let's see what she has inside that bag ... hmm, an English exercise book. Wow, neat handwriting! She's a Model Student, all right! ... Aha! A cell-phone; perfect! Let's have a look to the history of her SMS text messages ...

Eh? What's this little plushy thing attached to the phone? Some ugly, misshapen white cat, with a smaller one glued on its head. Blergh, I hate that cutesy crap. I know chicks often dig that kind of stuff, but this looks completely childish ... It doesn't seem like the type of thing Miss Too Cool For Words Sakaki would carry around ... oh, and this other notebook here is full of text written in bright pink ink ... Uhh, is this even the right seat?

Ah, wait, what is this? A black book with a skull? Is she secretly into Goth stuff? Wait ... pressure points? Hey, it's ... it's a book on martial arts! All right! Looks like I didn't mix up the seats after all!

Weird, why is it in English? Hmm ...

... Wait ...

... What ... The ... Hell ... Is ... This?

... My God, this stuff is ... totally crazy! Is this actually serious?

"American Dim Mak" of all things?

Damn, those Amekô bastards, who do they think they are? Acting like they own the frigging World or something! One day ... we'll show them who's the truly superior race; if only Japan wasn't run by lame-ass wimps right now. Shit.

Anyway, what kind of techniques does that Bob wacko teach?

" ... Technique N°7.a -- How to break your opponent's wrist when he punches you: when the punch comes to your body, first defuse and absorb it with the Inflating Chi Balloon Breathing Technique; then redirect the Attack Vector at a 45° angle with a Fa-Jin Percussive Wave. It'll snap his wrist like a twig, no matter how big the bastard is.
"This works with any part of the body. If your Tactile Sensitivity is high enough, you can also use this technique when your opponent just touches you. (PS: don't teach this to your girlfriend.)"

What is that stupid mumbo-jumbo? Is he trying to sound like a wise old Kung-fu master, or a rocket scientist? And how is that technique supposed to work? The pictures just show some fat dude punching him in the belly, and then holding his wrist in pain. Yeah right!

Wait ... this somehow sounds like what that nerd from earlier was ranting about ... "Sakaki-sama" breaking the hands of a guy who touched her boobs ... Bah! Ridiculous.

And what is that "fa-jin" thingy, anyway?

" ... Fa-Jin, or 'explosive energy': In my American Dim Mak, fa-jin is the 'engine' of your fighting. It's a sudden release of energy, generated by a sharp shake or wave of your whole body. It can be delivered by your fist, elbow, or foot; and, at high level, with any part of your body.
"Fa-Jin gives you the ability to do whip-like strikes, a thousand times more deadly than those robotic and stiff punches that most practitioners of other 'Arts' throw around (yeah, I'm talkin' to you, Karate guys).
"It's the same type of explosive power that shakes your body when you sneeze ... but with my fighting method you can control it consciously, and amplify it at will! With this ability, you'll literally OWN the streets!"

The power of sneeze ... riiiight.

Aaah, wait, I understand now! That girl and her followers must have been spreading rumors all over the place, of her having those "Death-Touch" super-powers! Wow, she must be pretty good at manipulating people if she managed to get everyone in school to believe that!

"Among the numerous applications of fa-jin, it enables you to get out of any grab, lock or submission hold easily, with a simple shake. You'll also be able to strike with enormous power without even needing to wind up your attack!"

Hmm, that sounds like the one-inch punch trick, which was supposed to be Bruce Lee's specialty. Though, I doubt it's possible to pull off that fancy move in real combat, especially with any part of your body. Even Bruce Lee did it only with the fist.

"There are several advanced types of fa-jin:
"1. The Springy Palm (if you're feeling merciful): it'll send your opponent flying for several meters without hurting him (much).
"2. The dreaded Quivering Palm (if you're really pissed): it'll make your opponent drop dead at your feet, by transmitting Explosive Kinetic Energy right inside his body, reducing his internal organs to mushy goo ... Yeah, that's why my American Dim Mak has been called the ART OF OVERKILL!"

This is getting more and more wacky ...

Uh ... isn't that Sakaki girl supposed to have sent some big guy flying with just a push? ... Bah! Preposterous!

And what's this?

"The real world of streetfighting has no rules! You will get maimed or killed if you attempt to use any fancy stuff."

Well, he's right on that point at least ...

Hah, on the one hand, that guy says that you can't use fancy moves on the street, and on the other hand he gives you some completely esoteric stuff to learn!

I've had plenty of real fights on the streets, and I know what really works. A trained boxer can throw punches twice as fast as any martial artist.
That's right! In real life Kickboxing owns Karate or Kung-fu hands-down; and Wrestling beats Judo.

Some brutal Kickboxing moves, a few grappling techniques, one or two dirty tricks, and above all vicious aggressiveness: that's all you need to win fights in the streets!

... Eh? Wait a minute, what is this?

" The 'He surprises me, I surprise him' move: When danger bites you in the ass, you usually have NO WARNING! However, with this ultimate skill, you will be able to deflect instantly any surprise attack, coming from any angle! And at the same time, you will hit your attacker from behind, taking HIM by surprise and disabling him without fail! Until now, this super-secret technique was only known by the best operatives from the Russian KGB!"

Now it's secret skills from the Russian KGB ... ok, I've read enough. This is starting to seriously piss me off! I think I'm going to give that girl a little lesson in reality, soon!

Shit! I hear people in the hall! I'd better leave ... Damn, I forgot to check her cell phone! I've been distracted by this stupid load of crap for too long! What a waste of time!

This has really got me in a foul mood! Still ... I feel somewhat ... uneasy. Why?

Kurosawa Minamo was standing in front of her car, keys in hand. There was an air of uncertainness about her, and her face wore a preoccupied expression. A few times, she began to insert her key into the car's lock, but changed her mind at the last moment. After a while, she frowned, biting her lower lip, and glanced back towards the school buildings.

"Nyamo!" spoke a voice from behind her. The young P.E. teacher whirled around, startled.

"Oh. Yukari ... Wait, what are you doing here? I thought -- "

"Nyamo ... I'm sorry."

"Eh?"

"Ok ... I've said it. Listen, let's just forget about old stories, right? ... All right. That's it."

Despite the finality of her tone, Yukari didn't show any signs of wanting to end the discussion. She was frowning, staring at the ground; but there was also a small hint of expectation in her eyes.

"Uh, well, ok," uttered Minamo hesitantly. "But, maybe ... I mean ... umm, I was wrong too."

"W ... what do you mean?"

"That is ... during that meeting yesterday."

"Oh, right ... the meeting." Yukari let out a small sigh, closing her eyes for a moment. Then her face relaxed, and she gave her friend a small smile. "Don't worry about it ... "

"It's just ... I just didn't know what to do. I was so surprised, and ... I mean, I've never actually been confronted to that kind of situation, so ... "

"Well you know, neither have I ... obviously," chuckled Yukari. "I didn't know what to do either. So ... "

" ... So you got angry?"

"Right. Heh."

"Well, you know," spoke Minamo in a soft voice, "Actually, that time ... I thought you were kinda ... cool, for a moment."

"R ... really?"

"Ah ... well, anyway, I tried to think what to do about it, but ... "

" ... No ideas, huh?"

"Well, no, but ... Hey, wait a minute, Yukari! What were you doing during the whole day, anyway? I told the vice-principal that you were ill, but ... you just can't skip work just because you're angry! I mean, what of -- "

"I was thinking too. Actually, during the whole day I've been wracking my brain for an idea ... for something to do, anything. And ... "

" ... And?"

"Heh. Hehehe ... Nothing! I could think of nothing."

"Oh ... "

"At first, I wanted to try and dig up some dirt on HIM; I mean that Muraki prick. But it's useless. He's not from around here; he was dispatched by the Education Committee. It would take much too long to investigate him; he'd have the time to carry out that stupid mission of his several times over. Besides, we don't know anybody who's acquainted with him, or even worked with him."

"Yeah, you're right," sighed Minamo. "Today I tried to keep an eye on him, but it was much too difficult, with my classes and all ... Still, it seems he spent the day snooping around, and asking various students about Sakaki-chan. I think he even interrogated Kaorin-chan!"

"That sneaky bastard! At least he didn't try to confront Sakaki today, as he threatened, right?"

"That's what I had thought first, but I'm starting to have doubts! He might still be waiting until after class for an opportunity to get her alone!"

"Well, wasn't P.E. the last class they had today? Sakaki must have gone home already; she doesn't have any club activities, right?"

"No, no, she's still in there! In fact, I asked her and Chihiro-chan to stay behind to put away the P.E. equipment and clean the storeroom!"

"What! Why? Couldn't you have asked some students from the P.E. committee or something?"

"Before letting Sakaki-chan go home I wanted to look around the gym building first, and make sure Muraki was not there waiting for her. I didn't see him anywhere, so I assumed he had already gone home; but I was wrong! Look over there, his car is still here! He might be hiding somewhere!"

"Damn! We must go back and get to Sakaki before him!"

"You're right. Nevertheless, even if we manage to get Sakaki out safely, it won't solve the problem. No matter how many days we stall, Muraki will always come back the next morning!"

"I know. So, we need to find a way to make sure he doesn't come back the next day ... "

"What do you mean?"

Yukari stared at her childhood friend with a pensive expression.

"Say, Nyamo, you used to practice Judo in High School, right?"

"Yes, but ... wait, you don't mean -- "

"Hehehe, look at that," said Yukari, rummaging through her handbag, and fishing out a small item.

"A ... a pepper spray! Yukari! Are you crazy?"

"Listen, what about this: we follow him and wait for an opportunity to ambush him. As soon as we can get him alone somewhere, I spray the bastard in the eyes, and you throw him down and break his arm with a Katame no Jiji technique or something!"

"It's Juji Gatame! Anyway, are you completely out of your mind, Yukari? Don't you know that violence never, ever solves anything? If we do that sort of thing, we'll become no better than him!"

"It's too late for that kind of sermon! You should have used those very words with Gotô yesterday, when he told Muraki to use force!"

"W ... well, I didn't -- "

"I know, I know, it's not your fault! Argh! That Muraki asshole, he pisses me off!" growled Yukari. "He reminds me of that jerk you went out with in college."

"Whaat? I never went out with a guy like that!"

"Hmpf, they say Love is blind ... Grrrr! That stupid prick, showing off with that sports-car of his! ... Say, how about we sabotage his breaks?"

"What are you, a yakuza?"

"Hmm, yakuza ... not a bad idea. Maybe we could hire one to beat him up?"

"Stop it with your stupid idea of beating people up! Listen, I'll ... I'll try to talk to Gotô-sensei again tomorrow."

"He won't listen to you! Didn't you notice that he's completely irrational?"

"Yes, but ... I don't get it! How did Sakaki-chan get him riled up like that? I mean, even if the rumors about her defending herself against a few bullies are true, there's no need to -- "

"He's a sexist old bastard, that's all. And by the way, if you're thinking of talking to the principal himself, let me remind you that he and Gotô are like, bosom buddies. So I doubt you'll be any more successful in convincing him."

"Well, I won't give up without even trying. In any case, it's better than your crazy plans!"

"I think we still need a plan to defeat Muraki, in case you fail with your convincing!"

"Ahem. Actually, I would like to bring to your attention the fact that a plan has already been set into motion," suddenly spoke Kimura from between the two young women, adjusting his glasses.

"Gyaaaaah! Where the Hell did YOU come from, Kimura-sensei?"

Meanwhile, Muraki-sensei was pacing inside his office, an old storage room located in the back of the main school building; it had been assigned to him by the vice-principal, for the discreet interviewing of rambunctious students.

The special guidance counselor was looking rather aggravated, his hatchet face showing hints of worry. He was growling under his breath.

"Shit! I had no idea that Yamamoto Brad, of all people, had been a student in this school! Freaky coincidence he ended up here, after I expelled him from his previous school. More importantly, how the Hell did that Sakaki woman manage to beat him? The three different witnesses I interrogated just now all told me the same thing: he got berserk for some reason, and attacked her full force ... but he couldn't even touch her once!

"How is that possible? I mean that freak of nature was one of the most difficult cases I ever came across! He's the worst kind of opponent to face in a serious fight; the short and quick psychopath who won't stay down, no matter how much you pummel him!

"And they said that broad didn't even flinch when he pulled a knife on her! What the Hell? She frigging smacked that guy around without breaking a sweat?"

The re-educator interrupted his pacing and frowned in concentration.

"Ok, calm down ... there's no way that story could be real -- or the stupid stuff in the book, for that matter. All of this is obviously a machination to destabilize me. But those three students seemed completely convinced of their stories ... Is that girl some genius at manipulating people? Was she warned of my arrival? Maybe those two teacher bitches from yesterday are involved ... shit, they'll regret messing with me!"

Muraki's hands tightened into hard fists.

"Anyway, I've got no choice but to take on that Sakaki girl right now. I won't feel good if I don't settle this as soon as possible. Besides, I promised that Gotô wimp I'd solve his problem today ... for the moment he's given me the latitude to use force, so I'd better use this opportunity before he changes his mind. I don't want to spend the whole week playing mind-games with that crazy broad. She probably won't expect me to confront her head-on today ... Ok, it's decided! The mousy girl from this morning will probably know where to find her."

"So, are you satisfied now, Kagura?" asked Yomi sarcastically, as the girls, minus Sakaki, were leaving school through the gates.

"I'm so sorry, Osaka!" said the short-haired athlete, sheepishly.

"Oh don't worry, I'm alright, Kagura-chan," replied the frail girl in a slightly nasal voice. She was wearing a band-aid across the nose.

"I hope you're happy that even the mighty Osaka couldn't stop your super-speed baseball pitch ... really impressive, you got right through her defenses, and even knocked her out completely!"

"Haah ... you're right, it was a total defeat," sighed Osaka. "I couldn't hit a homerun this time ... "

"This time? When did you ever hit a homerun?" scoffed the long-haired girl. "Anyway, Kagura, what invincible opponent are you going to challenge next? Chiyo-chan?"

"Hey, don't be such a spoilsport, Yomi!" interrupted Tomo. "It was an honorable challenge of Martial Arts Baseball between two ... err ... honorable martial artists! Still, I'm surprised Osaka lost! The Russian KGB's fighting repertoire didn't cover baseball, apparently."

"Hmm, that's right," mused Osaka. "If the Russians had mastered baseball, they would probably have won the Cold War, beating the Americans at their own game"

"What nonsense are you making up again?" said Yomi. "I fail to see how 'mastering' baseball could help win a war against a superpower like the USA."

"Even though you say that, Yomi-chan ... did you know that a few years before the arrival of Commodore Perry in 1854, another American fleet tried to invade Japan, but was driven away after losing a baseball game against a courageous Japanese team?"

"Osaka, I wonder in which books you studied History. Besides, baseball probably didn't exist at the time."

"Oh, you're mistaken, Yomi-chan. Baseball, along with Basketball and Volleyball, was actually invented in America during the mid-nineteenth century, by the YMCA."

"The YMCA?"

"Yes, the °Young Men's Cowboy Association°. Actually, the purpose of Baseball was to reform violent young cowboys, and keep them from shooting at each other in the Wild West ... "

"Umm, I think you are mixing up quite a few things, Osaka-san!" remarked Chiyo-chan.

"Hey, is that why in shônen manga they also reform Japanese juvenile delinquents by having them play baseball?" asked Tomo.

"Ugh, I think I've had enough of American trivia for today ... " muttered Yomi.

"Ah! By the way, Yomi, wanna come and have fun at my place tonight?" suddenly asked her energetic friend, changing topics.

"Well, shouldn't you study instead of playing all the time, Tomo?"

"Uhh ... ok, let's study together instead, then!"

"Hmm, why not ... Wait a minute! Is that a ploy to have me do your homework?"

"Not at all! You hurt me deeply with your accusations!"

"I see. So you intend to copy my homework in the evenings instead of the mornings now, is that it?"

"Bah, we barely have any homework this week, anyway! We're leaving on the trip to Okinawa on Monday, remember? So I say we forget about work and have fun tonight. Hehehe ... look what I've got!"

Tomo rummaged inside her school bag and produced a CD Game box. She thrust it towards Yomi's face, who stared at it, unimpressed. Kagura's eyes, on the other hand, widened with excitement.

"That's ... that's the Dekken 5 game! It got out just a couple of days ago, and it's already sold out everywhere! Sugee ! How did you manage to get it, Tomo?"

"Hehehe ... The truth is, I spent many, many hours in an endless queue in front of the game store, under the scorching sun, in order to get my hands on this game! And do you know why I sacrificed my health and youth like this? ... For the only sake of sharing a few fun and precious moments with my dear, beloved Yomi-chan!" proclaimed Tomo, her voice taking a saccharine sweet tone towards the end of her tirade.

"Riiiiight ... now I know you're expecting something from Yomi," said Kagura. She glanced towards her long-haired classmate, and blinked. Yomi looked somewhat bewildered, mouth parted, eyes slightly unfocused. There was a distinct blush on her features.

"Don't ... don't tell me you're falling for this!" exclaimed the young athlete.

"Wh ... what are you talking about?" sputtered Yomi. "Ahem. Anyway, I have no interest in fighting games; you know that, Tomo!"

"Drat! And I bought this new game because I was sure I'd be able to kick your ass this time," complained the energetic girl.

"Heh, she's always baiting me to play stupid fighting or racing games," chuckled Yomi. "But even though I don't own a console myself, I always manage to beat her soundly,"

"Hmpf, you won't win this time, I have already mastered all the special moves!"

"You went that far, spending hours in a queue, just so you could beat Yomi in a game!" uttered Kagura in disbelief.

"Yeah, and I also wanted to show off the game to Yukari-chan! She hasn't managed to get it yet! I wanted to see her face, hahaha!"

"Why do you always work so hard just for the sake of pissing people off?" muttered Yomi.

"Thank God Yukari-sensei was absent today," sighed Kagura in relief.

"Grrrrrrrrr ... "

"What's the matter, Chiyo-chan?" asked the short-haired athlete, turning towards her pigtailed classmate.

"Why is Chiyo-chan growling like that?" wondered Yomi.

The little girl's face was set in an expression of defiance, pigtails almost sticking out on the sides of her head. She looked oddly cute, throwing sharp looks around the street, as if she was expecting an imminent ambush by a wild animal.

"Chiyo-suke has been very good at sensing evil lately!" explained Tomo. "What's the matter, Chiyo-suke? Where is it? What is it? An enemy?"

"Aah! It's Yamamoto Buladdo-kun!" suddenly exclaimed Osaka, pointing behind the small group.

Her four classmates whirled around and stared. As expected, Yamamoto Brad was standing a few meters away. He was clad in street clothes, which consisted in brown Bermuda pants, red tennis shoes, and a white T-shirt sporting a big rising sun military flag with the kanji for "Japanese Fighting Spirit" underneath. His bleached hair stood up as wildly as ever; and there was still a slightly psychotic glint in his eye.

"Wh ... what the Hell are YOU doing here?" shouted Kagura. "I can't believe this! Didn't they send you somewhere far away?"

"Who is ... err, this?" whispered Yomi to her short-haired classmate.

"It's that Yamamoto Brad weirdo! The guy who tried to fight Sakaki, while you and Tomo were sick at home."

"Whoa! It's the crazy Saiya-jin that Sakaki defeated! I can't believe I missed that!" declared Tomo in her loud voice. "Haha, that's too funny! He looks like a brat with big muscles!"

"Damn it! Why are you here?" shouted the exasperated Kagura. "Did you come back to bug Sakaki again? She's not here, and she wouldn't talk to you anyhow! Go away!"

"Uh, maybe you two shouldn't try to make him angry," whispered Yomi. "He looks somewhat ... unstable."

Osaka walked up to the spiky-haired boy, raised her arm in greeting, and called in English:

"°Hello, Mistaa°!"

"Yo!" replied Yamamoto with a grin.

"Have you increased your °Pawaa Level° since last time?"

"°You betcha°!" His grin widened and he gave her a thumbs-up.

"Argh! Don't encourage him, Osaka!"

"Listen, °girls°, I came here to warn you ... Aneki is in danger!"

"Aneki?"

Kagura sighed. "After Sakaki kicked his ass, he started calling her Aneki."

"Wow, just like a gangster! ... And what's that about Sakaki-chan being in danger?" asked Tomo.

"There's someone after her ... an evil guy called Muraki."

"What are you talking about?"

"Muraki ... he's a special guidance counselor dispatched from the Education Committee. Actually, he is a member of the Shadowy Re-educators, a secret underground group of deadly fighters, whose purpose is to eliminate the students who pose a threat to the Ministry of Education. And he is on a mission to defeat Aneki ... "

"Uh, this guy is obviously delusional. We'd better leave ... " whispered Yomi to her classmates.

" ... I myself faced him last year in my previous school. And I can tell you that he's extremely dangerous -- "

"We don't care about your life-story!" growled Kagura.

" ... He is an expert in Kickboxing, and his special skill is a super-speed cross-counter ... "

"We don't give a damn; go away ... " muttered the young athlete half-heartedly, realizing that the eccentric boy was paying her no heed whatsoever.

" ... Now, you'll probably say that a cross-counter would be of no use against Aneki, since she never attacks first, instead absorbing her opponent's attacks with her soft style. However, Muraki is a sneaky bastard, an expert in dirty tricks. He'll even use your own friends against you ... baiting you to attack him, so that he can retaliate with impunity!"

"Right, right, he's very evil," said Yomi in soothing tones. "Now if you don't mind, we'll -- "

"Just before my fight with him, he threatened to have my friends expelled, and got me super-pissed ... "

"That guy actually has friends?"

"Shh!"

"So I attacked him recklessly, and in the end got knocked out by his special counter. Then he had me expelled for 'attacking a teacher' ... However, I vowed to take revenge! I trained my °Spirit° by challenging various martial arts schools in the area, and developed a special attack that Muraki wouldn't be able to counter: the Bakuyaku Tôki Hizume-ken!"

"Are you quite finished yet?" sighed Yomi. "I've heard enough biographies of tough guys for today."

"Hey, I think he's telling the truth!" interrupted Tomo. "I came across this Muraki guy in the hall this morning; and he looked really mean!"

"Yes, yes, I saw him too," replied Yomi, annoyed. "He's just an Inspector from the Ministry of Education. Nothing to worry about; these inspectors all look mean."

"Ano ... I spoke to Kaorin this morning," suddenly spoke Chiyo, " ... and she said Muraki-sensei asked her a lot of questions about Sakaki-san. He claimed to be looking for candidates for the award of the Best High School Girl of the Nation, or something. He said he ... he intended to interview Sakaki-san today! But ... I don't think such an award actually exists!"

"Wait a minute, that's suspicious!" pointed out Kagura. "If there really was such an award, wouldn't he have asked to interview someone else first, before Sakaki? ... NO! Not you, Tomo! I mean Chiyo-chan!"

"Hmpf! Don't tell me you're starting to believe that story?" grumbled Yomi. "Why would the Ministry of Education send someone after Sakaki, anyway?"

"Well, you know, she's always so secretive ... " interjected Osaka. "Who knows what powerful enemies she might have made in the past?"

"Oh, COME ON, Osaka!"

"°Hey, Four Eyes°! Where's Aneki right now, anyway?"

"She's still in school. She stayed behind to help out putting away the P.E. equipment ... wait. What did you call me just now?"

"What? You mean you left her alone with Muraki there? Are you nuts?"

"Wait a minute, Yamamoto Brad! How did you get the information about that Muraki person being sent to this school, in the first place?"

"Well, this morning I received an anonymous SMS message," explained the blonde boy, producing a small, sleek-looking cell phone, "informing me about Muraki targeting Aneki, and asking me to come immediately and defeat him. It even gives the location of his office."

"Huh?"

"Yeah. Strangely, this message is a weird flowery poem written in the ancient Waka form ... and it's signed 'Kimu-Kimu-chan' ... I thought it was from one of you girls!"

"Kimu-Kimu-chan?"

The five girls exchanged puzzled looks.

-- There is both a Samurai Champuru and a Cowboy Bebop reference in this chapter ...
By the way, Osaka is slightly mistaken, the Young Men's Christian Association did invent Basketball and Volleyball, but not Baseball ...