Chapter 11: Sakaki vs the Guidance Counsellor from Hell, part 2
(Where Osaka is unmasked as a KGB spy ... )
"Hahahahaha!" Yomi's laughter echoed through the cafeteria.
"Yomi-chan! Hic. That was cruel! Hic."
"I can't believe you fell for it! Hahahaha!"
"But, giving Osaka-san the Super-Hot and Spicy sauce bottle when she asked for the soy sauce ... isn't that a little mean, Yomi-san?"
"Hic."
"Hehehe ... but Chiyo-chan, it was so funny! She didn't even notice!"
"Hic. Both bottles are the same color. Hic."
"You've become quite the prankster, Yomi ... " said Kagura, bemused. "Just yesterday at Chiyo-chan's house, you stole Tomo's cake and gave it to Tadakichi-san; then you tried to convince Chiyo-chan that Okinawa is inhabited by 'Osage-yôkai', demons who steal little girl's pigtails at night. What's gotten into you lately?"
"Hmm? Oh, I don't know, I've just been in a good mood, lately. Heehee ... "
"Hic."
"Well you sure have been full of energy ever since you recovered from your sickness ... And what about you, Tomo? You've been rather quiet lately, that's even weirder! Not that I'm complaining ... "
Tomo had propped both elbows upon the table and was resting her cheeks in her hands. She had been watching the antics of her childhood friend with a soft smile on her face.
"Hmm? Oh, Kagura ... don't worry, I'll get my energy back soon enough. Hehehe, you'd better watch out ... "
"Oh my -- hic -- God! Someth--hic has caused Tomo and -- hic -- Yomi to exchange their personalit--hic!"
"Eeeeh?" Everyone around the table stared at the two girls, who looked at each other and blinked.
"Did you both -- hic -- eat some strange curry -- hic?"
"Umm, what does curry have to do with anything, Osaka-san?" asked Chiyo.
"Anyway, look what you've done, Yomi, now you've given Osaka the hiccups again!" sighed Kagura. "It will be a hassle to get her back to normal. Hmm, what was it again? First, a punch to the solar plexus, right? Hey, you do it, Sakaki! It will be more effective!"
"H ... h ... hic?"
"Umm, I think I know a better method. Here ... "
Sakaki took the hiccuping girl's thin forearms in her hands and gently pressed her thumbs against the insides of the wrists, for about a minute. Then she applied the same amount of pressure with her middle fingers to her friend's torso, just below her small chest.
"Haaah ... I feel better now."
"Eh? Osaka-san, your hiccups have stopped!" said Chiyo in wonder.
"Whoa! Amazing, Sakaki!" exclaimed Kagura. "Not only do you know how to throw chi attacks, but you also know how to heal by the laying of the hands!"
"Um, no; it's just a little shiatsu technique."
"Ooh, I see; pressure points!"
"Say, Osaka," asked Tomo, snapping out of her reverie suddenly, "didn't you know about that technique?"
"Hmm ... no, I didn't know about that method to stop hiccups. Where did you learn it, Sakaki-chan?"
"My Tai Chi sensei taught it to me ... it's also supposed to help when you're carsick."
"C ... car?"
"Calm down, Chiyo-chan!" chuckled Tomo, patting her little friend on the head. " ... But I'm surprised you didn't know about that, Osaka; I thought you were an expert on pressure points."
"Well, I have learned a lot of things about pressure points in my book, but ... not much about healing, unfortunately."
"A book? What kind of book?" asked Yomi.
"Well, I had wanted to buy a book to learn more about shiatsu, self-healing and such, because I thought it could be useful to know a few things about it ... however, it seems I made some sort of mistake ... "
"Mistake?"
"Yes, my book doesn't say much about the healing side of things ... wait, I'll show it to you." Osaka opened her schoolbag and fished out a black paperback book which displayed a human skull on the cover, with pressure points highlighted. Just with one glance, one could tell that the print quality was quite low.
"Eh? But it's in English," remarked Yomi; "why on Earth have you bought an English book on pressure points? They are probably hundreds of much better books in Japanese on that subject!"
"Actually, a few months ago, I tried to order a shiatsu book on the Internet. But at that time I still hadn't mastered all the °Internet Techniques°, like I have now. So I probably made a little mistake when searching for the right website ... well, in the end, I received this."
" ... "
"At least, thanks to it, my American English skills got better. Did you know I got a 78 on Yukari-chan's last test?"
"Lemme see," said Tomo, snatching the book. "Hmm ... I don't understand anything. Chiyo-chan! You're our resident genius, translate this for us!"
"Um, all right ... the title says:
'The Death Dealer's AMERICAN DIM MAK Compendium
Learn Today The Real World Combat Skills You Need To Survive In The Merciless Urban Jungle,
by Master Bob E. Braddock, PhD.' ... wh ... what is this, Osaka-san?"
"Hey! Isn't that a book on martial arts?" asked Kagura.
"That's right," said Osaka, gravely. "Dim Mak is the dreaded art of Death Touch."
"So this book tells you how to kill instead of how to heal?" said Tomo. "Wow, cool! Go on, Chiyo-chan, translate the summary on the back cover for us!"
"Um, do we have the time for this?"
"Of course; don't you know Yukari-chan is absent today? We've got plenty of time until P.E., later this afternoon."
"Oh? Is Yukari-sensei ill?"
"I don't know; we'll have to ask Nyamo-chan. Anyway, go on, read! Show us your incredible genius translation skills!"
"Umm, all right, let's see ... it reads:
'Carjacked ... Beaten ... Assaulted ... WORSE!She's your girlfriend. Your wife. Your daughter. Your sister. Your mother.
She's a woman in danger.
AND HER SAFETY IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A MAN!
' ... Dear Friend and Fellow Warrior,
'We live in a violent world ... This ain't the 1950's anymore! In most neighborhoods RIGHT HERE IN THE UNITED STATES, the DANGER of being attacked, beaten, stabbed, strangled, mugged, robbed, shot to death, tortured, or WORSE ... Is Higher Than In The War-Torn Countries You See On The News! Crime is so out of control that murders and child abductions don't even make the news anymore --because the GOVERNMENT is afraid of you knowing the truth!
'People just like you are being watched and stalked every day by grinning, drooling psychopaths and morally-bankrupt, godless street-gang criminals, high on crack, methamphetamine, and steroids ... And remember, it's not just you who's in danger, but also your wife or your girlfriend ... your mother ... your children ... ' "
" ... "
" ... "
" ... "
"A ... anô, Wh ... what does it all mean, Osaka-san?" asked the somewhat shaken little girl.
"Hmm, it means that America is a very scary place, indeed! Are you sure you want to go study there, Chiyo-chan?"
"A ... Auuuuu!"
"Hey, go on, Chiyo-suke, it's getting interesting! Go on, go on!"
Chiyo continued reading in a small, trembling voice. "Err ... umm ... then it says:
' ... Most American males have forgotten how to be men. Your most important job is to protect the people who depend on you.'Maybe you know a little hand-to-hand self-defense. Maybe you even trained extensively for years in a mainstream martial arts style (Karate, Kung-fu, you name it ... ) Maybe you think you're strong ... Maybe you think you and your loved ones are safe ... well, let me tell you something: you are wrong!
'You need to hear this: Almost ALL those super-hyped martial arts are ... Pure Over-Rated Garbage! Most martial art styles have rules, religious mumbo-jumbo, bowing, fancy rituals, or wearing sissy pyjamas ... The real world of streetfighting has no rules! You will get maimed or killed if you attempt to use any fancy stuff against a psychotic mugger without any shred of humanness left in his fetid brain.
'Now that you know the sad truth, what are you gonna do about it? You still have time to correct the terrible mistakes you've made that put you, and your loved ones, at risk of becoming victim. It is up to YOU!
'Do you want to remain a potential victim? Can you afford it?
Can your children?
Remember, Three of every five kids today will be victims of a serious violent crime in their lifetime ... ' "
"Uh, Chiyo-chan, you look a little pale ... maybe you should let Yomi translate instead ... " suggested Kagura.
"No, no, only Chiyo-suke can do instant translation so well! Go on, go on! This is getting better and better!" urged Tomo.
"Umm, th ... then it says:
'I have stopped arguing with men about the need to protect themselves and their families like men ... 'If you're still with me, congratulations. There aren't many men like you out there, with the guts to admit they need help protecting themselves and their loved ones. You may be a little anxious about it now, but I will guarantee you this: With my totally deadly and innovative fighting system, you will never be afraid of violence again!'Yes, this amazing new method is called ... AMERICAN DIM MAK!
Dim Mak means Death Touch in Chinese ... yes, that's the kind of vicious, pain-intensive, maiming, killing skills you're about to learn easily with this book!
'I have created this method by blending together all the best moves of all the deadliest secret martial arts I studied during my travels (read my biography p.4 for more mind-blowing details). My system is Super-Easy To Learn And MEGA-Easy To Use -- And It °Kicks Serious Ass° On Every Other Martial Art Ever Created. It even Beats Jeet Kune Do. Yes, it's that effective!' "
"Wow, cool! But what is Jeet Kune Do?" wondered Tomo.
"It's the martial art invented by Bruce Lee," explained Kagura.
"Whoa! You mean this guy is even better than °Blue Three°? Sugoi!"
"Ano, I'm not sure about the translation ... what does °Ass° mean, Yomi-san?" asked Chiyo.
"I think it means 'backside' or something ... "
"Umm, are you sure? How can it be 'serious', then?"
"Err ... beats me ... "
"There's still some left to read, Chiyo-suke!"
"R ... right:
'To this day, only four people on this Earth know the secrets of American Dim Mak. Consider yourself extremely lucky to hold this training manual in your hands right now! Because as soon as the Government learns of the existence of this book, it will be banned! (Yes, the Government doesn't want YOU to be able to defend yourself!)'Here is a taste of that incredible Art that you're about to learn:
1. Ultra Scientific Training Drills: effortlessly download the raw fighting skills directly into your nervous system! BAM! You're instant Bad-Ass!
2. Awesome Internal Power: gain God-like strength and speed, even if your body is out of shape, weak, slow, and not flexible!
3. Hyper-Advanced Fighting Stance: it keeps both super-powered martial artists and the dirtiest streetfighters off-balance!
4. Complete Body Structure Manipulation: you can toss Wrestlers the size of Jabba the Hut into walls, and dismantle any attacker like a rag doll!
5. Total Body Defence: super-strong boxers like Mike Tyson can't land a punch! ... Or if you let them, they shatter their fists on your body!
6. Wicked Pressure Point Attacks: overload your opponent's nervous system with excruciating pain! Make a razor-swallowing, berserker warrior like Attila the Hun drop dead with a mere touch!
7. Extreme Psychological Sensitivity: expand your senses so you see everything happening around you, all the time! Go from calm to frightening in a split second!
8. Secrets of Psychic Energy: manipulate your enemy at a distance; and make even a psychotic sociopath quiver in fear with just a glare!
' ... But wait! It gets better: for only $99, I can send you my super-secret training video (available on DVD or VHS), that enables you to learn this system even faster! Master devastating moves just by watching TV!
'And after watching it, if you don't agree with me that this is the most effective and easy-to-learn fighting style you have ever seen, I will send you 10$ out of my own pocket, no questions asked! Yes, that's the kind of guy I am.
'Sincerely,
Master Bob E. Braddock, PhD.
'PS: This training video is not for sissies; women have been known to faint just by taking a glimpse at its contents.' "
Chiyo's small voice died out, as she finished reading the summary. Looking somewhat ashen, she continued staring at the black tome with blank, round eyes, twitching occasionally.
Yomi sighed, plucking the book from her friend's small hands. "Chiyo-chan doesn't need any new psychological trauma! Why did you bring such a ridiculous book in class, Osaka?"
"Ah! It looks like Yomi-chan is back to her reasonable self!" noticed the frail girl.
"Well, there are limits to stupidity ... "
"Hey Yomi, give the book back to Chiyo-suke! I want her to translate the biography of that cool American guy!"
"And unfortunately, Tomo is also back to her obnoxious self," remarked Kagura.
"Come on, Yomi, give it back to Chiyo-chan! There's no way you can translate as well as her."
"What? Ha! I'll show you! You're the one here who couldn't read English if your life depended on it! Listen, it's easy:
'Master Bob E. Braddock has been a student of martial arts all of his life. By the age of 16 he had already earned five black belts in five different martial arts.' ... Yeah, right ...
'However, he soon discovered the limitations and flaws of the official styles he had studied.' ... Blah, blah, blah ...
'And that just got him fired up, so he decided to study scientifically the strongest styles and extract the core moves, leaving out the fancy stuff.' ... But of course!
'Bob went to the trouble of learning 7 different languages so that he could travel the world in search of the Holy Grail of fighting styles. By the age of 25, he had earned a PhD in neuro-bio-psycho-physiology at the University of Guatemala.' ... My God, what a quack!
' ... He also won over 1250 vicious, no-rules streetfights during this travels. He learned countless secret styles. In Greece, he studied the lost wrestling art of Pankration (which is Greek for Let's Kick Some Ass). In Thailand, he learned the secrets of Krabi-krabong, the deadliest blade fighting art in the world.' ... what the Hell are those ridiculous names?
'Bob had his most important encounter in China, on the legendary Mount Wudang. There, he met Grandmaster Wang Yu-Fei, who was so impressed by his potential that he made him his official heir to his secret Taoist Assassin Art of Dim Mak, which now constitutes the core of Bob's fighting system. He also offered him the hand of his only daughter, Wang Xian-Fuu, in marriage; but Bob couldn't afford to let Love interfere with his training, so he resolved to go on with his travels ... ' ... hahaha, that's hilarious!"
"Ah! By the way, Sakaki-chan," interrupted Osaka; "didn't you say that your Tai Chi sensei's name was Wang?"
"Ah, um, I ... "
"Don't interrupt me! How many Wang families do you think there are in China? Besides, it's obvious that everything written in here is completely made up! ... Anyway, then it reads:
'Later, by chance, in West Berlin (still during the Cold War) Bob met Dr Aleksey Miroshnikov, a renegade operative of KGB who had fled Evil Communist Russia. Dr Miroshnikov had been the commander of the hyper-secret KGB Special Division Omega, the most elite scientific-research combat organization in the world (you don't want to know what kind of experiments they did there ... ); and he entrusted Bob with all his knowledge.' ... My God, now this sounds like a bad spy movie ...
'In the last 10 years, Bob created and refined American Dim Mak, an entirely NEW fighting system ... one that took the moves of the most powerful Chinese style ... and blended them with the scientific insights of the Miroshnikov KGB Combat System.
Nowadays, Bob lives in Dusty Gulch, Texas. Every day, countless SWAT Policemen, Secret Service Officers, Delta Forces Soldiers, elite bodyguards and ICPO operatives literally BEG Bob to teach them his amazing art.' ... Yeah, I bet they do."
"Yay, this is sooo cool! When I'm in the ICPO, maybe he'll teach me how to kick ass!"
"Listen Tomo, this is completely ridiculous ... that stupid Gaijin trained a little in China, then he came back to his country and started selling his super miracle martial art from the Far East or something ... that guy is obviously a complete fake; even I who don't know anything about martial arts can see that! Anyway, let me finish this already:
'Nowadays, no one argues with Bob anymore. Because Bob doesn't like to talk, he likes to walk. He only has one thing to say to anyone who challenges him: Let's Go Outside And Fight Right Now!
'Here are a few testimonials of some tough guys who met Master Bob E. Braddock:
'I can't believe I got my ass kicked! -- Chuck N.
His Kung-fu is better than my Kung-fu. -- Jet L.
This guy is totally AWARE! -- Jean-Claude V.D.
Bob is the strongest man alive! No °B.S.° -- Hulk H.' ... Hmm, what does °B.S.° mean? Do you know, Chiyo-chan?"
"Umm, no, I have no idea ... "
"Ah! I know!" said Osaka; "It means °Blue Sree°! Actually, this sentence means that Master Bob is the strongest man in the world, and not °Blue Sree° ... "
"Ooh, that makes sense," replied Kagura; "after all, he did say that his Dim Mak style is better than Jeet Kune Do!"
"But ... you don't spell °Three° with an S!" tried to explain Chiyo.
Yomi sighed. "All right, here is the final conclusion to this amazing load of stupidity:
'However, no matter what, Master Braddock will only entrust his secrets to the select few he deems worthy.' ... Yeah, right! So why is he selling this book?"
"Ah! I remember, now!" said Osaka. "I actually had to pass a series of 'online psychological tests' on his website before being allowed to order the book. It seems that thanks to my 'well-balanced psychological profile', I was deemed worthy of learning this Art ... "
" ... "
" ... "
" ... "
" ... Strangely, I haven't been able to find his website again, since then ... it seems to have been shut down by the American Government, just like he predicted."
"Say, Osaka, did you also buy his secret video tape?" asked Tomo.
"Yes, I did; I ordered both the book and the video."
"Did you faint while watching it?"
"Oh no, it was actually very informative ... thanks to it, I feel much more confident walking in the streets, especially at night when I go buy bean paste rolls at the convenience store that stays open late ...
"Oh my God! Does it mean that you have become super-strong, Osaka? Uwaaa! Scary! Yomi, she's scary!" shouted Tomo, pointing to her frail classmate.
"Please, Tomo! How could Osaka be strong, especially after watching some stupid video?"
"Well, didn't he say that he can give super-powers to people who are weak, slow and not flexible? Isn't that exactly how Osaka is?"
"Yes, but he's obviously lying through his teeth, just to sell his book ... I just hope that there aren't any other people as gullible as you and Osaka!"
"But he looks so strong!" said Tomo, pointing to a photograph of "Master" Bob E. Braddock.
The picture showed a tall man in his early fifties, with a shaved head and a sharp, seamed face, sporting a blond goatee. He was wearing blue jeans and a tight tank-top showing off his heavily muscled upper body, which was marked with tattoos and a few scars. He was looking particularly fearsome, glaring at the camera, his thick eyebrows knitting themselves together above his piercing blue eyes.
"Bah, he just looks tough, that's all. Besides, nobody could ever have those ridiculous 'super-powers' he's writing about ... "
"Oh yeah? And how about Sakaki?"
"Well ... "
"Didn't she display super-strength? She sent that enormous Ôyama punk flying! And I heard that crazy Saiya-jin guy couldn't even touch her! And she knocked him out without touching him! And that other guy who groped her broke his hands on her body! Isn't all of that exactly what he described?"
"Hmm, that is ... "
"See? This is the real deal!"
"By the way, Sakaki-chan, could this person here be your sensei?" asked Osaka, taking the book back from Yomi and showing her tall classmate another picture.
It was an older black-and-white photograph, showing three people standing in front of a Chinese Taoist temple. The first one was a skinny Chinese man in his fifties, dressed in a white silk long-sleeved jacket and black pants. He had a thin white beard and mustache, which made him look like the stereotypical Chinese Master in a kung-fu movie.
On his right stood a much younger Bob E. Braddock, beardless, and with a big Afro hairstyle. He was wearing an open shirt over his muscled chest, and elephant bell bottom pants. He was flashing a winner's smile to the camera, striking a cocky pose, with one arm around the shoulders of a much smaller young Chinese girl.
Despite the girl being thirty years younger and sporting long hair entwined in twin braids, Sakaki immediately recognized Miss Wang, her sensei. She was wearing the same clothes as her father, and looked incredibly cute and dainty. She had a rather sullen expression on her face, which made her seem even cuter.
"This ... this is Sensei! H ... how? It can't be!" whispered a stricken Sakaki.
"Ooh, everything is clear now!" said Osaka. "This explains where Sakaki-chan got her power from! She is the heir to the Chinese Dim Mak Assassin Arts, just as I thought."
"Wh ... what? You mean Osaka is right, after all? Sugee!" exclaimed an excited Kagura. "That's awesome! It's true after all, Yomi!"
"Oh God, this is crazy, but ... Sakaki, it's not true is it?"
"I ... I don't know ... "
"Whoa, this means that both Sakaki and Osaka have super-powers, now!" shouted Tomo.
"Say, Sakaki-chan, maybe there are a few techniques in this book that you don't know?" said Osaka, presenting her tall friend with the book.
"Well, I -- "
"Would you like to have it? It could be useful to you; after all, you hold so much pawaa, it would be a waste not to refine it to its full potential!"
"N ... no, I'm not -- "
"I know you have already mastered the Chinese Dim Mak; but you might become even stronger with the additional secret KGB spy techniques!"
"Spy? But why would I -- "
"Here, please take it. It's a very rare and valuable book, now that it has been banned by the American Government ... "
"I ... I don't really want to -- "
"Don't worry about me, I have already read it carefully several times. Here. It's a gift for you, Sakaki-chan, " Osaka said in her soft voice, smiling sweetly, and handing the black tome to Sakaki with both hands.
The tall girl sighed, and accepted the book. "Th ... thank you very much, Ayumu-chan." She put it into her own schoolbag very quickly, as if it was a red-hot piece of iron.
"Did you hear that? Secret KGB training!" exclaimed Tomo. "That's scary! They're both more dangerous than °Blue Three° now! ... So, does that make Sakaki °Blue One°? And Osaka °Blue Two°?"
"Whoa, you're right! ... Hey wait a minute! There's no way Osaka can be °Blue Two°! Sakaki's Number Two should be me!" proclaimed Kagura.
"Not that again," sighed Yomi.
"Hah! You think you can match Osaka's newfound power?"
"Well, I ... I trained extra hard lately! My Karate sensei praised me for my progress!"
"Ha! Didn't you pay attention? Your Karate is nothing in the face of American Dim Mak!"
"Damn it! Don't underestimate Karate!"
"Well, if you think you're strong, why don't you challenge Osaka for the title of N°2?"
"Ha! Maybe I will!" shouted Kagura, getting up from her seat.
Osaka also stood up, and swiveled around slowly and eerily towards her classmate; one could almost hear the sound of clockwork gears turning. The young athlete involuntary took a step back, taking up a fighting stance.
"I won't lose!"
"Kagura, don't fight in the cafeteria, you idiot!" ordered Yomi. "Everybody's looking at us! And don't hit poor Osaka, you'll injure her! You know how frail she is!"
Osaka started walking slowly towards Kagura, smiling cheerfully. The short-haired girl, somewhat flustered by the curious looks a few other students in the cafeteria were giving her, hesitated for a second. Her "opponent" took another step forward serenely, and Kagura suddenly realized that the fragile girl had already entered her personal space, thanks to her inconspicuous attitude.
Kagura came to a quick decision, and darted forward to grab her friend's arms and pin her, but she suddenly sensed a hand appearing right in front of her face; Osaka had reached towards her so casually that the gesture had been mostly unperceived. As her classmate's delicate finger touched Kagura's forehead, she leaned back reflexively, startled, while her lower body continued moving forward. As a result, her balance was completely disrupted. She flailed her arms in panic for a few seconds, and then fell flat on her back.
Everybody gaped. Kagura remained on the ground, completely stricken.
Osaka raised her arm slowly, closed her eyes tightly, and cheered in English:
"°Victory!°"
"Oh my God! O ... Osaka ... she defeated Kagura with just one finger!" shouted Tomo, clutching Yomi's arm. "She ... she used a psychic energy attack! Scary! Yomi! She's scary!"
"This can't be true ... I must be going insane ... " muttered the long-haired girl.
"°Victory!°"
Kagura suddenly jumped back to her feet, blushing wildly, and shouted:
"That ... that was a fluke! She surprised me! I wasn't ready! That doesn't count! It's a fluke; a fluke, I tell you! I want a rematch, right now!"
"°Victory!°"
"You'd better give up; who knows what dangerous technique she might use next!" advised Tomo. " ... Very well, Kagura, I hereby bestow you with the title : °Blue Four!°"
"What? Why you! Don't decide that by yourself! °Blue Four°? °Blue Four°? Why °Four°? Why not °Three°?"
"Oy, Kagura! You wouldn't actually try to replace THE °Blue Three°, would you?"
"W ... well, no. But still ... it's unfair! I want a rematch! A rematch!"
"°Victory!°"
"That ... that was somehow amazing, wasn't it, Sakaki-san?" said Chiyo in wonder.
"A ... aa ..."
"Come on, Osaka! Rematch! Rematch! ... Ouch!"
Yomi chopped the short-haired girl on the head with the edge of her hand.
"Stop making a fool of yourself, will you!"
"Ooh! Yomi is pretty strong too! You've just been demoted to °Blue Six°, Kagura!"
"Whaaaat? Why °Six°?"
"That's because °Blue Five° is Jackie Chan!"
"Aaaaargh!"
"°Victory!°"
By the way, Dim Mak, Krabi-krabong, Pankration, and Soviet martial arts do exist, but not exactly as advertised here ...
-- Gaijin: "foreigner" in Japanese. Can be derogatory or not, depending on the voice tone (and the associated adjective, of course).
-- Sugoi / Sugee: "Cool!", "Great!", "Super!", etc. in Japanese.
-- Oh, I hope nobody missed the Revolutionary Girl Utena reference in this chapter ...