Story: Fist of the Necoconeco (all chapters)

Author's notes: English is not my mother tongue, so please forgive any grammar mistakes and awkward sentences.

This story contains many sacrilegious things, like OOCness, shôjo-ai and random violence. As hinted in the summary, this story turns Azumanga into a parody of bad Shônen fighting manga, with its loads of clichés and archetype characters.

There are also quite a lot of references, some obvious, some hidden, to various manga and animé, to Japanese history, to martial arts, etc.
Some of them will be explained in the Author's notes at the bottom of a chapter.

I don't want to completely drown the reader in Useless Pseudo-Japanese™. However, I will be using Japanese honorifics (-chan, -san, -kun, etc.), and sometimes typical Japanese interjections (anô, ne, aa, etc.) and common words (sensei, Hanami, etc.). The less-known words will be explained in the Author's notes.

Also , in this story, when you read °something like that° within dialog, it means that a character is speaking in another language than Japanese (English, Chinese...).

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

[Author's notes: Disclaimer: A word of caution, this chapter features High School Juvenile Delinquents. Please do not copy their behaviour.]

Chapter 5: Violent High School Gang Leader Sakaki-sama
(Where Sakaki faces the Evil Regent-style Hairdos ... )

"O-hayô, everyone! Yay! It's a beautiful Spring morning, I'm on time today, I did Yukari-chan's homework, and I studied for next period's math test! ... Why aren't you praising me, Yomi?"

"O-hayô, Tomo ... Why should I praise you for doing what is expected of a normal student?"

"O-hayô, Tomo-chaaan ... haaaah ... so tiring ... "

"What's the matter, Osaka ? You're looking exhausted so early in the morning!"

"Aah, being seniors sure is difficult ... Every morning we have to climb three flights of stairs ... "

"You sure don't have much energy to spare."

"Could you inject me with some of your residual energy, Tomo-chan? I think my battery levels are especially low today."

"No problem!" said Tomo cheerfully, gripping her classmate's head between her hands and squeezing. "Hnngggggg! Shaaaaaaa!"

"Itai, itai, itai!" moaned weakly the hapless Osaka. "Aaah, it's no good after all. I don't feel energized at all. I guess today I won't be able to concentrate. I think I even fell asleep walking up the stairs."

"Wow, you mean you can sleepwalk, too? Are you sure you're even awake right now?"

"Well I'm not sure, really. Are we in a dream Tomo-chan?"

"How am I supposed to know if I'm in your dream? I can pinch you, if you want."

"Please, Tomo," sighed Yomi, "don't try to confuse her even more. She's already completely out of it today."

"Oh, wait, I know a way to make sure; here ... " Osaka walked with half-lidded eyes and outstretched arms towards Chiyo's seat. She then took gently into her hands her little classmate's pigtails, lifting them alternatively. Chiyo looked up at her with a puzzled expression. After a few seconds of careful experimenting, Osaka let go of the chestnut tresses; then, one of her beatific smiles slowly brightened her face.

"Aaah, that's good, this is reality. Things are back to normal after all. You know, while I was walking up the stairs I dreamt I was inside a shônen manga, but it seems I woke up when I entered the classroom."

"A shônen manga? What do you mean, Osaka-san?" asked the young prodigy.

"Well I saw a couple of those delinquent-type schoolboys, with the regent hairstyle and everything ... "

"Come on, Osaka!" laughed Tomo; "don't tell me you haven't noticed the new students? We've started school a month ago, and you still haven't seen them at least once?"

"New students?"

"Yes, our school has acquired some bad elements lately," explained Yomi; "remember the last earthquake in Tokyo? Not far from here, a public school called 'Hîrin High School' was completely destroyed. Fortunately, it occurred during the school break, so nobody was hurt. It was all over the news; the Minister of Education even had to resign, because his adversaries attacked him on the 'bad state of public education facilities'. Don't you read the paper or listen to the radio, Osaka?
"Well, anyway; most students were transferred to another school nearby, but some of them came here because our school was the nearest to their home."

"Most of them are first and second years, but there are two or three seniors in Kurosawa-sensei's class, I think," added Kagura. "Anyway, it was one of these 'punk' high schools, so the new students are all Yanki, total delinquents. They're the real thing, with weird hairstyles, dangerous looks, bad attitude ... I heard one of them even brought a wooden sword in class."

"Yeah, there's a rumor saying they've started to bully some of the sophomores and steal their lunch money!" said Tomo.

"Oh, stop it with your rumors," interjected Yomi, "they're just young punks who gather in packs, and try to look meaner than they really are; they're basically harmless. Just ignore them."

"Well anyway, if they start some mischief, Sakaki-chan will keep them in check! Right, Sakaki-chan?"

"Hmm? Aa ... " replied the tall girl absently, watching through the window some rabbit-shaped clouds pass slowly in the sky.

"Ah, and maybe Nyamo-sensei will reform the delinquent students by having them play baseball; and then they'll compete in the Kôshien championship."

Yomi sighed; "Osaka, we told you we're not inside your shônen manga dream!"

"Hey, look at the time! Yukari-chan's late again!"

Kaorin was walking aimlessly through the small tree grove behind the gym, waiting for her idol, Sakaki, to appear.

Every ten o'clock break, the tall, beautiful girl would appear, lean her back against the trunk of a tree, and gaze wistfully into the distance until the recess was over. And each time, Kaorin would watch her from behind her hiding place, trying to work up the resolve to go and speak to her, but failing. She just couldn't think of a good small talk topic.

Since she had been transferred into Kimura-sensei's class, Kaorin had been drowning in an ocean of despair. Not only seemed Sakaki-san further from her reach than ever, but she herself had become the favorite of the bizarre teacher, who was calling her by her nickname in front of the whole class, and pursuing her with his unwanted attentions all day long.

Needless to say, her homemade manga had taken some dark undertones lately, the poor heroine being regularly mistreated for no reason at all.

"Aaah. Sakaki-san. If only you knew how much I'm suffering ... would you rescue me?"

"Hey, Ôyama-san, don't you think that Kurosawa-sensei is totally hot?" suddenly spoke a rough voice.

Kaorin peeked from behind her tree, and quickly went into hiding again, her heart beating wildly. There were three of those horrible delinquents from class 3-2, lounging in front of the gym!

"Tanizaki from class 3-3 is pretty hot too," said a second voice; "but I heard she's a complete nut-job ... Ha! And have you seen that freaky Kimura? Man, he's weird."

"Bah, it's only been one month, and we own that school already. The teachers are all cowards; including the vice-principal, Gotô-sensei, who acts all high and mighty. But he's a wimp, just like the others; I stared him down just this morning in the hall. And don't get me started on the students, they're even worse."

"You're right, Ôyama-san, Kojima from class 2-1 and his group already controls all the first and second years. I can't believe how fast they gained new followers ... Anyway, since they all acknowledged you as the school guardian, it looks like there isn't any opposition left."

To small and dainty Kaorin, the boy called Ôyama looked like a huge hulking brute. He was very tall, even more so than Sakaki, with large shoulders, wide neck and big arms. His hair was slicked back with gel into a regent hairstyle, and he had thick eyebrows. His jaw was strong and square, and he sported a thin mustache over a wide, disdainful mouth.

He was wearing a modified uniform of his previous school, an unusually long black gakuran jacket with a very high collar, and wide pants.

As for his two companions, they were much smaller, but still looked mean enough to send shivers to Kaorin's spine. One was thin, also with a regent hairstyle, and the other stockier, with short bleached hair.

"I can't let them see me, or who knows what they might do to me if they think I have been spying on their conversation ... " thought poor Kaorin, cowering behind her tree.

"By the way, Ôyama-san, I heard that Kojima is stirring up some trouble among the sophomores; apparently he has started to extort money from them regularly. The wimpy teachers aren't doing anything about it; but still, I think he and his group are making too much of a rumpus. Since you're the school guardian, you should give him a little lesson to make him stop, or at least be more discreet about it."

"Hmm, I don't know ... Kojima would be easy enough to handle on his own, but he has a crowd of followers around him. The important thing right now is that they acknowledge us as their superiors, and show us proper respect."

"But if we don't do anything, it will put a stain on your reputation as a school guardian!"

"For the moment, we can't afford to raise conflict against the second years. Besides, they're still afraid of us, so it's better to keep it that way and not take unneeded risks."

"But, Ôyama-san, isn't that way of thinking somewhat ... cowardly?"

"Shut up, fool!" shouted the tall brute, smacking his follower on the head. "It's called strategy! Strategy! Don't you know anything? We wait until we have recruited enough followers among the third years, and then we can threaten Kojima and his goons without risking to have them turn the tables on us because of their numbers!"

"If you say so, Ôyama-san ... "

"Hey Ôyama-san, look, behind that tree!"

Kaorin's body froze in fear.

"There's a cat!"

"Feh, I hate those stupid beasts ... " growled Ôyama, picking up a stone and throwing it at the cat. "Shit, missed."

"Ha! Look at it run away! You were right; this school is full of wimps, hahaha!"

"Hmpf ... instead of watching stupid cats, you two had better look at that girl behind that other tree, there."

Kaorin, who had been slowly relaxing since her first shock, broke once again into a cold sweat.

"See, that's what I call a totally hot girl! Much better than your Kurosawa-sensei!"

"Wow, yeah! Look at those boobs, and that long hair!"

"But, damn, she's huge!"

"Yeah, too bad she's so tall ... "

"Heh, she would be perfect for ME. Just my type!"

"Well if you only consider the height factor, she does suit Ôyama-san," whispered one of the tall boy's followers to the other, "but I think she looks much too refined for a brute like him ... "

"True, true."

"I heard that!" shouted their boss, smacking them both on their heads.

Kaorin, having suddenly recovered from her second panic fit, was now boiling in anger.

"How dare those beasts look upon perfect Sakaki-san with their dirty and depraved eyes! Thank God she hasn't noticed them yet; but they'd better not think about approaching her, or I ...I ... "

"Hey you! Go ask her name and tell her I'm asking her out!" ordered Ôyama to one of his henchmen.

"What? Why me? Shouldn't you ask her yourself?"

"Don't you know anything? Sophisticated girls like her prefer strong men with a gentle side. If she asks why I'm not coming to talk to her myself, tell her that I'm shy."

"Like she's going to believe that when she sees him ... "

"Stop muttering, and go!"

"I won't allow it, I won't allow it, I won't allow it! I feel sick just thinking that one of these brutes is about to ... to speak to her and ... to look at her like that, and ... and ... argh! Unforgivable!"

"Ow! Who the Hell did that? Where are you hiding! I'll kill you, you stupid bastard!"

"What are you doing, you idiot? Didn't I tell you to go talk to her?"

"But Ôyama-san, some bastard threw a stone at my head! Where did he go? When I find him, I'll mess him up until he ... "

"Stop wasting time already, and do what you're told! Argh, damn! She's walking away! It's already the end of recess. Shit! Let's go back."

While Sakaki was walking to her class, she glanced back sadly to the little grove of trees, and sighed.

"The orange-white cat didn't appear today. Maybe it was frightened by those loud boys."

As for Kaorin, she was hiding behind the gym, clutching her wildly beating chest, waiting for the delinquent boys to walk back to their class.

"I ... I can't believe I did something like that. Hehehehehe! ... Haaah ... (sigh ... ) I must be going slowly insane ... "

Feeling depressed, she started following the three Yanki from a distance, until they arrived in the hall outside the classrooms. Before stepping into the hell of her own homeroom, she glanced back at them angrily.

One of Ôyama's henchmen was sliding the door open for his boss, while the other was shouting at the students:

"Make way for Ôyama-san you punks! And you'd better watch out, he's in a foul mood right now!"

"Oy, Chiyo-suke, where are you going? We still haven't finished cleaning the classroom!"

"Chiyo-chan volunteered to go water the flower garden, Tomo. And I don't see you clean anything."

"Chiyo-suke, don't be too long! Kagura doesn't have any training this evening, so we're all going to a karaoke bar, remember?"

"Haiiii!" Chiyo called back cheerfully, skipping out of the classroom, humming a happy tune.

"Wow, she looks especially joyful today."

"Well, she's been like that since Yukari-sensei announced the date of the school trip to Okinawa."

"Yay! Okinawa! Okinawa!" cheered Tomo, waving her broom about, spreading dust all around the classroom.

"Argh! Stop that!"

Meanwhile, behind the school gym, a hapless sophomore was finding himself in an unpleasant situation. The pale, thin, bespectacled boy was surrounded by eight juvenile delinquents who were about to extort money from him for the third time this month.

His tormentor-in-chief was Kojima, a tall, wiry boy with an especially big and unaesthetic regent-style hairdo. He was wearing a pair of black shades, along with a cruel sneer on his bony face.

"You know, it's not like I'm trying to snatch yer money. But you could show some sympathy, right? You know, I owe 5000 yen to Ôyama-san, and I can't pay him back at the moment, 'cause my parents are so poor ... you know Ôyama-san, right? Big, scary guy in third year. Was captain of the wrestling team back when Hîrin High School was still standing. That's a guy you don't want to anger, right? So, you're not helping me out?"

"Yeah, Kojima-san's in a pinch, and you don't want to help him?" drawled one of the goons.

"And he's always looking out for all of you first years ... "

"But ... but, I ... I mean, I've already spent my lunch money today ... "

"Aww, don't worry about it, it's okay. I can wait until tomorrow. Don't forget: 10000 yen, right?"

"But ... you said 5000!"

"Well, you know, Ôyama-san is quite an impatient guy, he charges extra for each day I'm late ... "

"Abisemashô, Abisemashô ... "

"Huh?" Kojima looked around for a second, distracted from his lucrative activities by a high-pitched voice. In his peripheral vision, he spotted a small form appearing from behind the corner of the building. A form with ... bouncing pigtails?

"Who the Hell is that brat?" he wondered in a loud voice.

Chiyo, rudely interrupted in the middle of her "let's water the plants" tune, turned towards the voice and exclaimed indignantly:

"Brat? It's Mihama-sempai to you!"

... And looked up into the sneering faces of eight Yanki. Her watering can clattered on the ground.

"Chiyo-chan sure is taking her time watering the plants! Let's go get her so we can go sing karaoke! Karaoke! Karaoke!" Tomo shouted, dragging Yomi and Kagura outside.

"Go get Sakaki and wait for us in front of the gates, Osaka!" called Yomi.

"Yes, Yomi-chaaaan!"

On their way to the flower garden, the three girls made a turn behind the gym building and came across a rather upsetting sight.

"We're sorry we have offended you, Mihama-SEMPAI."

"Yeah, we made the error of judging someone by appearances, Mihama-SEMPAI. You'll forgive us, right, Mihama-SEMPAI?"

"From now on, we'll show you the respect you deserve, Mihama-SEMPAI."

Poor, trembling, teary-eyed Chiyo was being surrounded by six mean-looking boys, each sporting the attitude and getup of the typical Japanese juvenile delinquent, to the extent that it was painfully cliché.
The seemingly etched-on scowl on their faces made them look much older than they really were. Most had cigarettes hanging limply from their mouths; some were loosely squatting on the ground like monkeys and looking up at the terrified little girl with crooked eyebrows and idiotic smiles.

They were mocking their small victim in rough speech, exaggeratedly rolling the r's in all their sentences.

Two other boys, both carrying a bokken on their shoulder, were keeping an eye on a frail-looking sophomore boy standing against the wall of the building.

"Aww, what's the matter, you're gonna cry, Mihama-SEMPAI?"

"Quite unseemly for a SEMPAI, right?"

"Damn, I can't believe someone would be so low as to bully Chiyo-chan," whispered Yomi; "we've got to rescue her quickly!"

"I'll go get Sakaki!" announced Tomo, running back toward the gates.

"What, are you stupid? Stop! Damn! Does she ever think before acting?"

"Say, Mihama-SEMPAI, that sure is a cute hairstyle," leered Kojima, grabbing one of Chiyo's pigtails. "I bet your daddy likes it very much."

"I heard her dad has a lot of money, and they live in a big house, and -- "

"LEAVE CHIYO-CHAN ALONE, YOU STUPID PUNKS!" shouted Kagura.

"I can't believe it! That girl's even worse than Tomo!" muttered Yomi.

"What? Who's the bitch?"

"Some other chick from the third years. Ya know, the one with big boobs from the swimming team."

"Wh ... What? Shut up, pervert! And hand over Chiyo-chan!" Kagura marched right in the middle of the circle of Yanki and took the trembling little girl's hand. But her way back was blocked by a smug looking Kojima, holding his schoolbag over his shoulder.

"What? Get outta my way!"

"Now, now, sempai, there seems to be a misunderstanding. It appears we had offended Mihama-sempai by accident and so we gave her our apologies. Now, all we wish for is her to forgive us, but we'd like to hear it from her own mouth before we can leave with a clear conscience. You DO forgive us, don't you, Mihama-SEMPAI?" he said in a drawling voice, bending his head towards Chiyo. But he was sharply pushed back by an angry Kagura.

"Don't touch her you freak, or I'll kick your ass!"

"Whoa, sempai! You shouldn't threaten your underclassmen like that ... you know, that's called bullying!"

All the time he had been speaking to Kagura, Kojima had never looked at her face even once, but had been leering directly at her chest.

The impulsive girl's anger reached her boiling point.

"You stupid pervert!" she screamed, giving him a hard slap on the face that made him stagger backwards. She took the opportunity to pull Chiyo out of the circle and move towards Yomi, but the group of boys started following her threateningly.

"Shit, you hit me in the face, you bitch!" growled Kojima, picking up his schoolbag and sunglasses. "You can't do that ... bad thinks happen when you act carelessly ... "

"Damn, this is starting to look ugly, I've got to get a teacher, and quick!" thought Yomi.

"Where are you going nee-san?" One of the bokken-wielding goons who had been watching over the sophomore asked from behind her. "It'd be better if we could solve this peacefully among ourselves, right?"

"Get behind me, Chiyo-chan," said Kagura, looking resolutely at the advancing group.

" ... Now, that kind of rash action demands some compensation and -- " Kojima suddenly darted forward and tried to grab the smaller girl. However, Kagura dodged deftly and sent him to the ground with a leg-sweep.

"Ow! Shit!"

Instead of waiting for the next move of her opponents, Kagura immediately went for the offensive, and nailed the nearest boy in the solar plexus with a strong straight punch. He doubled over and started coughing and wheezing pitifully on the ground.

"ORRRAAA!"

Taking advantage of their momentary surprise, she kicked another goon right in the face. He dropped like a sack of potatoes.

Although her Karate sensei had warned her against using high kicks in a self-defense situation, because stress tended to weaken the knees, Kagura had been able to execute the manoeuvre perfectly. Rather than being afraid, she felt strangely elated.

"Yomi was right! Those guys are all show! I can't believe that! Whohoo! I can do this!"

She quickly jumped back and took up a defensive stance, waiting for the next opportunity to strike. The remaining delinquents were having a moment of hesitation.

"Who the Hell is that violent broad?"

"She took out Satô! He's out cold!"

The short haired Karate-girl suddenly sensed movement behind her.

"Trying to take me by surprise, will you?" she shouted, whirling around and throwing a lightning fast punch to Kojima's jaw. The sneaky boy frantically brought up his schoolbag in front of his face.

A loud Bang echoed as Kagura's fist hit the bag. She clutched her hand in pain.

"Aaaargh! What the Hell was that?"

"Heheheh ... a metal plate in a schoolbag. That's a pretty basic trick. Don't you know about that?"

One of the bokken-wielding delinquents took the opportunity to rush her, and struck her shin. She dropped to the ground with a pained cry.

"Heh, you martial artist types amuse me; they're usually easy to take down with a rather simple trick," laughed Kojima.

The fallen girl tried to get up, but made the mistake of using her injured hand as a support. Feeling a sharp jolt of pain, she fell back onto the ground. Her eyes filled with tears and she gritted her teeth. She was lying helpless on the ground while her sneering opponents were surrounding her.

"Damn ... damn! I failed! That's not fair! He cheated! Someone ... someone help me!"

"Now, now, look at the mess you made with you inconsiderate actions. You attacked me, injured two of my men and even hurt yourself in the process. You are our sempai and we tried to show you respect, but you have obviously overstepped your position. Now, I might be able to forgive you if offer your apologies on your hands and knees; however my injured men might want some further compensation for the prejudice caused."

Yomi tried to dart away by surprise to get some help, but the punk who had been watching her caught her by the arm.

"Please wait sempai. Kojima-san offered a way to solve this amicably, so everything's gonna be fine ... "

"NOT SO FAST, YOU VILLAINS!"

As she was running toward the flower gardens, Sakaki wondered about what she was going to say. Tomo had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, grabbed her by the hand and dragged her away, telling her by way of explanation that some juniors were picking on Chiyo-chan. Of course, she would do her best to convince them to stop, but she doubted she was going to be much help; she wasn't very good at scolding people. Tomo should have gotten the help of a teacher in such matters.

As they reached the spot Tomo had left a few minutes ago, the energetic girl immediately made their arrival known in her usual loud manner. However, her voice died in her throat and her eyes widened, when she took in the situation.

Kagura was lying helplessly on the ground, clutching her shin, obviously trying hard not to cry, while half-a-dozen boys were gathered around her, looking down at their victim with triumphant and leering faces. One of them, holding his bruised jaw, had a murderous expression. Yomi was struggling against the grip of a strong looking punk, and Chiyo was standing near to Kagura, her face hidden in her hands, and her little body shaken with sobs. As for the sophomore boy, he was nowhere in sight, having managed to slip away somehow.

"Who the Hell is that loudmouth?"

"Feh, it's that famous idiot girl from class 3-3."

"And what's with the beanpole girl?"

"You'd better look out, you punks," shouted Tomo, having recovered from her shock. "Or this person here is going to give you the worse ass-kicking of your entire pitiful existences! This here is Sakaki, the guardian of this school!"

"Tomo, go get a teacher you idiot, hurry!" screamed Yomi.

"Now you stupid sempai are starting to get on my nerves," growled Kojima, approaching the two girls in his sloppy gait. "What kind of nut-job class is 3-3? A girl, the guardian? Everybody knows that the real guardian is Ôyama-san from class 3-2!"

"Baka! Sakaki was this school's guardian well before you bunch of carnival Yanki arrived here. She can smack around that Ôyama fake anytime she wants. So you'd better beat it, and quick!"

Kojima considered the tall girl in front of him. "What kind of lame bluff is that? ... Damn, that girl is huge ... taller than me; almost as tall as that Ôyama freak! And what's with that look? Is she trying to stare me down?"

"What's the matter with you, you huge woman? You gonna beat me up?" Kojima asked, suddenly jumping into Sakaki's personal space ... and bringing his face right into her outstretched palm.

"Ow! Damn! You ... you hit me in the face! It's the second time today a bitch hits me! What's with all of you psycho broads?" he roared, holding up his broken sunglasses.

Touching his nose, he noticed some blood on his fingertips.

"You ... you made me bleed! You dared ... you ... Shit! I'm bleeding! What the Hell are you gonna do about it, huh? ... HUH?"

Very suddenly, Sakaki bowed at the waist, making Kojima jump back in alarm, and spoke in a hoarse voice:

"I'm terribly sorry."

Her upper body whipped back in a lightning quick motion; and she stared at him, head held back a little, eyes wide, and the corners of her mouth turned downwards.

"What's with that tone and look? Shit, she's mocking me; she's looking down at me, that bitch!"

"You think that's enough? If apologies solved everything, there wouldn't be the need for police!"

"Ha! Now that's a lame line!" mocked Tomo from behind her tall classmate. "Who the Hell still uses that line nowadays? And what's with the corny hairstyle? Didn't it go out of date after the 1950's? No wonder you Yanki punks are becoming an extinct species! Baka, Baaaakaaaa!"

"I'll deal with you next, retard. Now, as for you, beanpole girl, I think you owe me some kind of retribution ... I don't like half-assed apologies, and -- "

Kojima suddenly darted forward and grabbed her chest. He looked at her in the eyes and grinned, feeling the soft, ample mounds inside his palms. Suddenly, they seemed to vanish completely from his grasp; his hands, feeling empty, relaxed slightly, and reached forward ...

An audible crack was heard, and the Yanki boy froze.

"Huh? ... Ahh ... My ... GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! You ... you broke my wrists! Aaaaaargghh ... oh God, shiiiiit!" Kojima was writhing with pain, holding his limp hands in front of him.

"Wh ... what are you saying Kojima-san? She didn't move at all, how could she break your wrists?" exclaimed one of his goons.

"I'm telling you, hgnnnhh ... MY FRIGGING WRISTS ARE BROKEN!" the hapless delinquent screamed, hobbling towards his followers, trying to ease his pain by pressing his arms against his body, but failing miserably.

Everybody was completely stunned in the face of Sakaki's merciless response to Kojima's aggression. Even Tomo was struck speechless, gaping at her friend like she was looking at her for the first time.

As for Sakaki herself, her mind had been drowning in an ocean of fear and horror since the very beginning. At first glance, she had instinctively understood that the situation was more dangerous than Kagura's friendly challenge at the Hanami picnic.

At the sight of poor Chiyo-chan, crying helplessly, and the injured Kagura lying on the ground, her body had been seized by a cold sweat, and her breath caught in her throat. She had wanted to do of say something to save her friends, but she just couldn't move or emit a sound.

When she had been approached by that horrible person with the shades and the scowl full of hate, she had reflexively held her hand in front of her to keep him away and had hit him by accident.

At that moment, she had started to feel sick in her stomach and it had taken all of her willpower not to start crying.

And when he had suddenly touched her in such an intimate way, she had felt terribly violated; her body had moved all by herself, as she was overcome by a great shudder coming from her feet and travelling up to her chest.

Now her conscious mind was slowly fading away. She could see everything around her very sharply, but at the same time she was starting to have trouble recognising faces or understanding what was said. All she knew was that she and her friends were being surrounded by several hostile presences.

"WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE?" suddenly bellowed a deep, loud voice. Ôyama and his two henchmen appeared; behind them was standing the trembling sophomore who had managed to slip away when Kojima's group had been busy with Kagura. Instead of notifying a teacher, he had brought the self-appointed school guardian.

"O..Ôyama-san! That ... that girl, she injured me for no reason! She broke my hands! Aaaargh! She's a frigging psycho!"

"What the Hell, Kojima! You're getting beaten up by girls now? How pitiful are you? And you're calling yourself the boss of the second years?"

"She ... she took me by surprise! And she's totally crazy! She did that for no reason! Give her a lesson, Ôyama-san! Mess her up! Ooooow!"

"Hey, it's the girl Ôyama-san fancies!" whispered the first henchman to the second. "I wonder what's he's gonna do."

"Hmpf. Why should I be the one to solve your conflicts with your sempai, Kojima? Besides, you've been doing too much of a rumpus lately, you should watch yourself." said the School Guardian in a condescending tone.

"Heh! Just as I thought. Now that Kojima is weakened, he chooses to give him his warning. Typical Ôyama-san." whispered the second henchman.

The tall boy glanced back and sent him a murderous glare.

"But ... but this crazy broad claimed she was the real guardian!" shouted one of Kojima's goons.

"What?"

"She said you were a fake, and that she would kick your ass, Ôyama-san!"

"What she did to Kojima-san was totally uncalled for! She broke his hands for God's sake!"

"Uh, you do have to do something about it, Ôyama-san," said one of his two henchmen.

Ôyama approached the tall girl and looked at her beautiful face. "She's completely different than when I was watching her this morning. Hehe! She does look a little scary."

The brutish boy closed his eyes for a second and took a somewhat pontificating expression.

"Ahem. Ojô-san. You shouldn't hit your underclassmen and treat them harshly. Also, if you make false claims, you might offend some dangerous people, and I wouldn't want a delicate person like you to be hurt. Now, I'm willing to forgive and forget what, uh ... happened today, if you offer your sincere apologies -- "

"But what about my frigging hands?" a voice screamed.

" ... And uh, maybe if you joined me for tea after school ... " Ôyama added in a lower tone of voice, putting his big hand on her shoulder.

"What the Hell is Ôyama-san saying?" wondered his first henchman.

Ôyama found that his hand just couldn't make contact with the shoulder of the tall girl. Even though she seemed nearly immobile in front of him, her shoulder was still somehow eluding his palm. Reflexively, his hand tried to follow its goal, and he leaned forward; she turned slightly, and he continued leaning forward, being somewhat distracted by her wide, glassed-over eyes staring at him. He noticed too late that he was loosing his balance, and stumbled to the floor.

"Wh ... what the Hell, she took him down without touching him?" he heard a voice utter.

Ôyama jumped back to his feet, feeling embarrassed.

"Wait a minute, you ... " he tried to grab both her shoulders, but like the previous time, they seemed to disappear from his grasp; and suddenly she stuck them forward very quickly, hitting his hands and flinging them away.

"What the?" This time, he grabbed one of her thin arms into his hand but a sharp shudder seamed to pass through her limb as she ripped it out of his grasp in a twisting motion, bending back his thumb painfully.

"Oww! Now listen here, Ojô-san; I'm not going to let it slide this time!"

He took both her wrists in an iron grip and she tensed up. Suddenly, she went completely limp, and he felt as if a support had been taken from under his arms; as a result, he was drawn forward slightly ... she then pulled downwards sharply on his left hand, and he smashed his nose onto her lowered forehead.
He leaned back with a pained shout, and she pulled him into the other direction with her right arm. He released her and fell on his bottom, holding his bruised nose.

"Ooow! Why you!"

He jumped to his feet once again, and overcome with anger, tried to give her a slap with his enormous palm. In the same way she had dealt with Kagura's kick one month prior, Sakaki leaned back slightly, and with her right hand guided his arm on its intended path, deviating it just above her head; then she flung it away from her with a quick whipping motion. Ôyama, already carried along by his own momentum was completely turned around, and tripped spectacularly on her raised foot.

He fell flat on his face, skidding on the gravel for a few meters.

Everyone was gaping; Chiyo had stopped crying and was looking at Sakaki with wide, hopeful eyes while clutching her hands against her chest.

"What the Hell are you doing, Ôyama-san?" shouted his first henchman.

"You can't let her embarrass you like that! Do something!" added the second.

"Hmmpf." growled Ôyama, getting up and spitting out a mouthful of gravel. "That's how it is. It appears that I have underestimated you. You are truly a strong woman. Yes, such creatures sometimes appear on the path young men undertake toward true manliness ... "

He took off his black gakuran jacket and flung it to the side, revealing his wide, bare chest. Like a true Yanki, he was only wearing cloth wrappings around his mid-riff under his uniform.

"What is Ôyama-san doing? And what the Hell is he blathering about?" wondered the first henchman.

"He's embarrassing himself again ... " sighed the second.

" ... However, you shouldn't look down on the true power of a man. Prepare yourself. Since you aren't giving me another choice, I shall fight you sincerely and seriously."

Sakaki had attained a state where she couldn't understand nor utter coherent speech. She was breathing in short, ragged breaths, and her body was plagued with hot waves of shivers and nausea. She was completely incapable of moving, except when something entered her personal space, and then her body reacted on its own.

Now, all of her attention was focused on a huge, hulking half-naked brute, with a deep rumbling voice, slowly approaching her, intent on getting his big hands on her person. She saw him adopt a slightly crouched position, ready to leap forward. Time seemed to slow down in her mind, and her pupils shrunk.

"Damn, she looks like a psycho killer right now," thought Ôyama. "How the Hell did she move like that anyway? Is that some kind of weird martial art? But I didn't see her take any kind of stance ... Hmpf, anyway, maybe she's big for a girl, but she has no chance against me when it comes down to strength and weight. All I have to do is get close; and now that I'm serious, she won't make me loose my balance again ... in the wrestling team I was called the 'unmovable mountain'. I'll be able to bring her down to the ground easily and pin her. I'll use one of my best submission techniques, hehehe ... "

Ôyama started to circle his opponent slowly, and realizing that she wouldn't react, quickly leaped forward into range. But instead of rushing to grab her immediately, he adjusted his balance on the ground first, then feinted as if he intended to encircle her waist in a bear hug, but went for her shoulders at the last moment. As he was bringing his hands up, he saw her raising her own arms held together, and then shudder violently, making a lighting fast downward circle with both hands.

The edges of Sakaki's hands raked sharply against his inner wrists, and he instantly felt ill, as if all of his energy had been sapped from his body at once. He went a little green in the face, and his knees buckled.

She then made a small step and brought her palms forward; he distinctively saw an even more violent wave traveling up her body from her feet all the way into her arms; it reached the palms just as they touched his torso, just below his pectoral muscles.

"IYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The large boy was instantly airborne. He was thrown back for several meters and landed heavily on his back.

Sakaki had merely tried to scream "no!" and push her assailant back, however to the spectators it looked as if she had sent him flying with a small, sharp gesture and a piercing war-cry, her long hair suddenly fluttering about her beautiful but menacing face.

"Holy shit! She took him out in one move!"

"Ôyama-san! Pull yourself together!" shouted his henchmen, running at his side.

The tall brute was lying on his back, eyes wide, desperately gasping for breath and foaming at the mouth. A steady stream of blood was flowing from his nose. He was trying to utter something.

"Urgh ... grrgll ... so ... urk ... so nice ... "

His eyes rolled back into his head and he went limp.

"What the Hell did he say? And what's with the nosebleed?"

"Shit! He's out cold!"

"Oh my God! He's bleeding from the ears too! She ... she did some internal damage to him!"

"Who the Hell is that girl? She's a monster!"

At the sound of all the loud voices, Sakaki looked around her wildly, trying to locate other threats. With a painful effort, she managed to fill her lungs with air and screamed, in her loudest voice:

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Of course, what was in fact a desperate shriek sounded like an enraged roar.

The group of juvenile delinquents glanced from the fallen body of the school guardian to the tall girl's crazy, glazed-over eyes with pinpoint-sized pupils. And scattered.

Kaorin had finally been able to free herself from the evil clutches of Kimura-sensei who had been trying to convince her to accompany him tend to "Kaorin and Kimurin's flower garden". She was nearing the school gates with a relieved sigh when she noticed Osaka's frail form standing there idly. She was softly humming "Karaoke, karaoke, karaoke ... " with a happy smile on her face.

"Ah, Hello, Osaka; are you waiting for something?"

The sometimes narcoleptic girl slowly turned towards her ex-classmate.

"Karaoke!"

"Are you waiting for the others to go to a karaoke bar?"

"Karaokeee!" Osaka's happy smile turned beatific.

"Um, is ... Sakaki-san coming too?"

"Ehehehe ... would you like to come with us, Kaorin-chan?"

"Umm ... I wouldn't want to intrude!"

"But you are still our dear, precious friend Kaorin-chan, even though they put you into another class, and you are always busy with your astronomy club and can never come to Chiyo-chan's summer house with us and -- "

"Urk."

" ... Besides, don't you want to listen to Sakaki-chan's beautiful voice?"

"I ... I'll come with you. Definitely. I'll come."

"Ehehehe ... karaoke!"

"But where are all the others? Isn't it getting late?"

"Ummm? Ah! Sô ya! Kagura-chan, Tomo-chan, and Yomi-chan all went to get Chiyo-chan who was watering the flowers. Then Sakaki-chan arrived here and waited for them with me. But then Tomo-chan came back in a hurry and took Sakaki-chan with her. I've been waiting for them ever since ... "

"Eh? Where did they go? Maybe we'd better go and look for them!"

"Hmm I think it was this way ... they probably went to the flower gardens."

The two girls were nearing the gym building when they were nearly run over by a group of juvenile delinquents frantically running away from something with panicked expressions. One of them looked like he was in serious pain with injured hands, and another had a big bruise on the side of his face.

"Eeeeeeek!" Kaorin managed to jump out of the way, but Osaka wasn't so lucky and was bumped from one boy to another, and finally fell flat on her back with swirly eyes.

"Itai! Itai! Itai! ... Itai! Itai! Itai! ... Itai, itai ... Itai, itai, itai ... "

"Uh ... they're gone now, Osaka. Are you alright?"

"Ooooooh ... I think so," the hapless girl replied weakly.

"Wh ... what on Earth happened?"

"Oh, those were the Yanki. It seems like they were in a fight. Uh? Wait a minute ... " she pinched herself in the arm. " Itai ... "

"A ... a fight? Oh my God, Sakaki-san!" Kaorin started running in the direction where the fleeing boys had been coming from, pausing one second to pick up a stone.

"Ah ... ah ... wait for meeee!" Osaka called to Kaorin, who was rapidly growing more distant.

"Hyeeeeeeee!" Kaorin jumped in fright as she came across Ôyama's panicked henchmen dragging their boss' heavy carcass with them.

"Wh, wh, what happened here? Sakaki-saaaan!" Kaorin ran even faster, paying no attention to a thin, bespectacled sophomore boy walking by with a stunned expression.

As she reached the back of the gym building, Kaorin finally got sight of her beloved Sakaki-san. The beautiful girl had an unreadable look on her face and she seemed to gaze into the distance. Chiyo was clutching her friend's waist like a life preserver, her teary face pressed against the tall body just below the chest. One of Sakaki's hands was resting comfortingly on her back.

Kagura was leaning on one of her taller friend's shoulders; there was a big bruise and some dried blood on one of her legs. She was looking at Sakaki with flushed cheeks and stars in her eyes.

Tomo was jumping around, screaming something about "total victory," and throwing imprecations at the fleeing boys, although they were already out of ear's reach.

As for Yomi, she was looking somewhat haggard, holding her head in her hands, muttering under her breath.

" ... No, no, no. That just didn't happen. Sakaki didn't do any of this ... she's just a normal girl, not some psychotic Kung-fu master. This is not reality ... "

"Yomi? Wh ... what happened here? "

" ... I'm inside Osaka's dreams, right? ... Or maybe Kaorin's?"

"Eh? Yomi! Tell me what happened! Please tell me!"

Kaorin started to shake her friend frantically.

"Please, what did I miss? ... WHAT DID I MISS?"

The next morning, Sakaki found herself walking to school in a zombie-like state. She had a vacant look and dark rings under her eyes.

All she could remember from the previous day was that Chiyo had been bullied by bad students, and that somehow, she herself had hurt two of them badly. She also remembered excusing herself from her friends right after the incident and going straight home where she collapsed onto her bed and slept the sleep of the dead.

How could she have done such a thing? Was it because of her training? But sensei never spoke about fighting. Then again, she did say something about her body being somehow uncontrollable ... Maybe there really was some kind of wild beast inside her! Other people seemed to sense it from time to time, but she herself had always been ignorant about it. Was she some kind of dangerous, uncontrollable monster, who could hurt someone at any moment?

She felt even worse when she thought about how she had abandoned her friends without even trying to comfort them after that ordeal. She was indeed a selfish person, thinking of her own problems before her dear friends, who were in much worse pain than herself. Kagura had been injured! And what about poor, emotive Chiyo-chan? Who knew what kind of mental trauma she was suffering from ...

Sakaki suddenly found herself joined by her little friend who gave her one of her big bright smiles and started walking alongside her, just like everyday. The tall girl was stunned. "She smiled at me ... does it mean she forgives me?"

Chiyo started chatting cheerfully about the school trip to Okinawa and how much fun they were going to have.

"She isn't mentioning anything about yesterday's events! How ... how nice of her! She's so sweet! How can I deserve such a wonderful friend?"

Sakaki tried to show her gratefulness to her small classmate, but all she could manage was a weak smile. Chiyo beamed at her with an utterly trusting expression. The tall girl suddenly noticed that her friend had been walking much closer to her than usual.

As they arrived before the school gates, Sakaki's heart sunk at the sight of the group that was awaiting her there. Ôyama, flanked by his two henchmen, was blocking her path. He was looking a little pale. Behind him, several other delinquents from first and second year were lined up. "They are more numerous that yesterday," noticed Sakaki.

Strangely, instead of cowering behind her taller friend, Chiyo was throwing them defiant looks and even growling cutely.

"Have they gathered for revenge? (Sigh ... ) this is the end. Chiyo-chan, please, run and get to safety."

Ôyama filled his powerful lungs with air, opened his large mouth and announced loudly:

"Sakaki-sama! We hereby acknowledge you as the rightful guardian of this school! This school is now officially under your rule and supervision. We're under your protection Sakaki-sama!"

He bowed formally, and all of the other hoodlums mimicked him. They all chorused, "We're under your protection Sakaki-sama!"

Ôyama marched stiffly to the astounded girl and snatched her schoolbag out of her hand.

"Let me carry your bag, Sakaki-sama. We shall escort you to your classroom ... "

"Umm, it's not ness-- "

"Please, allow me to say that I am deliriously happy of having the opportunity to assist you in running this school as your Number Two ... "

"But ... I ... "

"Ôyama-san is losing himself in his dream-world again ... " muttered one of his henchmen.

" ... And I shall personally make sure that Kojima-kun gives you his respects as soon as he comes back from the hospital. Also -- "

The tall boy was suddenly presented with a second schoolbag. He stopped his ramblings abruptly.

"Um ... Chiyo-chan's bag ... " announced Sakaki in a quiet, resigned voice, handing him the object.

"Ah! Of course! Ahem. Good morning to you, Sakaki-sama's friend!"

"Grrrrr ... it's Mihama-san to you."

"Of course ... Mihama-san. Now let us proceed to class."

Sakaki and Chiyo started walking towards class in the unwanted company of the three hooligans, who were throwing dirty looks to everyone who crossed their path.

Sakaki noticed the awed looks some of the first and second year students were giving her. A few girls greeted her with "Gokigen yo, Sakaki-sama." Some even bowed deeply before her. Of course, she bowed back awkwardly and returned the greetings.

She had been used to admiring looks from younger girls; although it saddened her sometimes, feeling that they looked up at her because of qualities she did not really possess. But this ... this depressed her to a whole new level.

As henchman N°1 slid the door to class 3-3 open for her, Sakaki glanced at her classmates, lounging about the classroom and waiting for Yukari-sensei's arrival. Some of them noticed her, and gave her a friendly greeting gesture or a smile. She noticed Osaka in the background waving at her happily and Tomo flashing her a big grin.

"That's right! Maybe nothing will change in my class! After all, my classmates have known me for more than two years ... Yes, they know me better, and hopefully they won't treat me any different than usual."

As she was about to enter her classroom, Ôyama stepped forward suddenly and bellowed:

"Make way for Sakaki-sama you punks! And you'd better watch out, she's in a foul mood right now!"

Author's notes:

-- Yanki: according to the fascinating history of Japanese delinquents, hooligans, and other bad eggs, Yanki appeared in the years following WWII. At the time, Hoodlums and gangsters adopted American clothes and hairstyles, thus the nickname. Even nowadays, some Yanki still use American hairstyles from the 5O's.

Yanki usually gather in small-time gangs, sometimes forming biker gangs which are called Bosozoku ("wild speed tribe"). They are often influenced by extreme right-wing and nationalistic groups.
Usually disaffected, bored youths from the age of 14 to 19, Yanki "retire" at their majority (20 years old in Japan), and become "ordinary" salarymen ... or sometimes are recruited by the Yakuza.
Yanki are becoming rapidly extinct because of increased state and police pressure, but they are still somewhat widespread in rural and suburban areas, where bored young rebels are plentiful.

Yanki have a wild fashion sense; apart from their appalling hairstyles, they often wear wide pants tied with string, cloth wrappings around bare torsos, and long open coats with inspirational or nationalistic inscriptions ("Live beautifully, die young", "Power back to the Emperor", etc.). Bosozoku go even further in their fashion statements, which can include surgical masks, painted helmets, paramilitary uniforms, Kamikaze pilot jumpsuits, tacky Hawaiian shirts, etc. When in school, Yanki try to modify their uniforms to their liking, without breaking the dress code too much.

-- Kôshien: the National High School Baseball Championship. It's a shônen manga cliché when the story follows the struggles of a high school team as they make it to Kôshien.

-- Abisemashô: means "let's water (the plants)". Chiyo sings this to her signature tune, the "tsukurimasho" ("let's make something").

-- Bokken (or Bokuto): a wooden sword, a training tool used in Kendo and other martial arts. It's a popular weapon among Japanese juvenile delinquents.

-- Ojô-san: a respectful way of addressing a young girl.

-- Gokigen yo: a polite way of saying "good day". "Gokigen yo, xxxx-sama" is typical line in some shôjo-ai manga ... you know, the ones portraying young maidens doing maidenly things inside maidenly rose gardens within maidenly catholic schools for girls ... in other words, Maria-sama ga Miteru and its many rip-offs.

Chapter 6

Author's note: All right. If you don't know about Cromartie High School, then please, forget about this poor excuse for a fanfiction and go read the Cromartie manga instead. Right now. I mean it. Although Cromartie takes place in a ... ahem ... different setting than Azumanga, it is as funny. Also, the Cromartie animé is far from being as good as the manga, but still a good watch.

Reminder: when you read °something like that° it means that a character is speaking in another language than Japanese (English, Chinese ... ).

Chapter 7

[Author's notes: Reminder: when you read °something like that°, it means that a character is speaking in another language than Japanese (English, Chinese ... ).]

Chapter 8

[Author's notes: Disclaimer: Any resemblance between a character of this chapter and a hero from a recent hip and trendy shônen fighting manga -- (cough) Tenjô Tenge (cough) -- is purely coincidental.

Reminder: when you read °something like that° it means that a character is speaking in another language than Japanese (English, Chinese ... ).

Chapter 8: Sakaki vs the Super Saiya-Jin Warrior
(Where Sakaki faces a hip and trendy shônen manga hero ... )

"(Sigh ... ) this school is boring ... "

"True, true, Ôyama-san."

Ôyama and his two henchmen were lounging dejectedly behind the gym, smoking cigarettes.

"That Samurai-Girl ... she's too effective a guardian. Nobody dares to misbehave ... we don't get any action here!" complained henchman N°1.

"Please call her Sakaki-sama! Anyway ... you're right. That Kojima weasel came back from hospital a few days ago; I had hoped that he would try to take revenge or something, but he seems to be completely terrified of her."

"True, Ôyama-san. Besides, most of his followers were boys from this school who wanted to try acting like punks ... all these wannabes have disappeared into the ground. There are only a few true Yanki left here," regretted henchman N°2.

"Yeah, and it's not like we can go challenge another school. The only school with punks nearby is the one where our former classmates from Hiirin High School were transferred. It wouldn't feel right to fight them."

"Ah, Sakaki-sama ... isn't there anyone worthy of challenging you?"

"Ôyama-san, please, this is embarrassing. If you're so obsessed with her, why don't you go and ask her out? (Although it's completely hopeless ... )" said henchman N°1, muttering the last part under his breath.

"Well, she probably wouldn't go out with someone weaker than her. After all, she did kick Ôyama-san's ass thoroughly."

"Hmpf, against a girl, of course I held back most of my power. Still, she is so amazing ... and the girl's summer uniform is so nice ..."

"Yeah, right ... listen, if you want to ask her out, just do it! (Although it's completely hopeless ... ) You're a true Yanki, you've got to use your guts and fighting spirit! And please stop doing embarrassing things like yesterday; you're going to tarnish your reputation as N°2 of this school."

"Grrrr, that moralizing Glasses-Girl, she's getting on my nerves! And that Swimming-Girl, acting like she is Sakaki-sama's N°2!"

"Are you even listening, Ôyama-san? Today Glasses-Girl and Crazy-Girl are both absent; Swimming-Girl has gone ... well, swimming. So you have a good opportunity for approaching Sakaki-sama and talking to her, and even asking her out! (Although it's completely hopeless ... )"

"Wait! You mustn't underestimate Pigtailed-Girl, she's quite stubborn when keeping someone from approaching Samurai-Girl ... And don't forget Space-Cadet-Girl! She can get you completely off track with her weird questions! Hmm, I think it's pretty hopeless for Ôyama-san after all ... "

"Shhh, don't say it out loud!" whispered Henchman N°1 to N°2. "If Ôyama-san asks Samurai-Girl out and she rejects him clearly, maybe he'll snap out of it and stop making us, the last true Yanki, look like complete idiots!"

"Ooh, I see!"

"Ah!" suddenly exclaimed Ôyama; "yesterday, I think I saw two punks sneaking around. One of them looked dangerous, with a purple Mohawk!"

"A ... purple Mohawk? Uhhh, Ôyama-san, are you sure you weren't lost ... in your thoughts again?"

"Hmm, was I dreaming? ... anyway, maybe we could find that guy again. He's probably a threat to the safety of this school. We need to inform ... our guardian."

"This is pathetic," sighed henchman N°1, looking sadly at his boss, who was staring into the distance with a blush spreading on his large face.

"Oh that reminds me!" said N°2. "I remember seeing last month a totally crazy guy, probably more dangerous than that imaginary Mohawk guy."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, you know, that guy! The one who was supposed to be in Kimura's class, but was suspended on the very first day because he punched the Vice-principal in the face after the entrance ceremony!"

"What? Hahahaha! Hilarious! I can't believe I missed that! Where did that guy come from? Hiirin High School, like us?"

"I have no idea where he comes from. Never seen a freaky guy like that before. And God knows how many freaks we have been rubbing shoulders with at Hiirin High. Anyway, that guy had a really stupid name ... what was it again?"

"Yamamoto Brad," interrupted Ôyama, snapping out of his trance.

"Say again? What kind of weird name is that? Do you know him, Ôyama-san?"

"He's supposedly half-American. Looks like a frigging psycho. I don't know him really, but I didn't like the attitude he was giving me and really wanted to bash his face in. But he was suspended before I could challenge him."

"Hmmm ... so there is still an interesting guy around. Do you know for how long he's supposed to be suspended?"

"For six weeks, ending today ..." drawled a new voice.

The three punks turned in the direction of the voice. And stared.

"Shit, that's him! He's even freakier that I remember!" said henchman N°2. "Look at that spiked bleached hair! It's bigger than before!"

"And the shaved eyebrows ... and those crazy eyes! Is he on drugs or something?"

The newcomer smirked arrogantly.

"Ya know, it's not very nice to comment on someone's appearance in their presence ..."

"With THAT kind of appearance, you're asking for it!"

"So, Ôyama, °big boy° ... I was just looking for you. I wanted to tell you something. Hmm, what was it again? °Oh, Yeah°! I'm taking that school over from you now, °Mister° guardian!"

"What's with the fake American accent? Stop acting like an idiot, and maybe Ôyama-san will be merciful and not pummel you too hard!"

"°Oh Yeah°? I thought he already wanted to bash my face in."

"Very well; I accept your challenge, Yamamoto ... Brad," said the tall hoodlum, removing his jacket.

The spiky-haired boy took his own jacket off. It was abnormally long, looking rather like a coat; and the lining displayed a Japanese painting of a dragon flying above the raging ocean. He was wearing a red muscle shirt sporting the kanji for "Fighting Spirit", with an English translation underneath. There was a spelling mistake at "Spirrit".

"God! That guy has bad taste; even I can see that!" remarked henchman N°1.

"Is he really half-American? He sounds like a fake to me!"

Yamamoto Brad adopted a very low fighting stance, and gave his opponent a cocky grin.

"°Come on°!"

The supposedly half-American boy had a youthful face, contrasting with his constant arrogant sneer. Moreover, he was thin and not very tall, but at the same time incredibly muscular. His brawny arms were ridged with prominent veins. All in all, he looked like an overgrown psychotic child.

"Damn, he really must be on drugs ... do you think he's a heroin addict?"

"Tsk, tsk ... °boys°, my only drug is ... °Spirit°!" Yamamoto said flippantly to the two henchmen, before charging towards his bigger opponent and jump-kicking him.

"DORRRYAAAAA!"

"Damn, that guy is fast! Ouch! Ôyama-san took a hit!"

"What kind of crazy moves are those?"

"I think he's using that Capoeira style. Ooow, shit! That looks painful!"

"Wow, Ôyama-san's tougher than I thought! Go, Ôyama-san! Make that idiot taste your German Suplex!"

"Pile-drive him into the ground Ôyama-san!"

"Yeah! That's it! You're invincible in ground-fighting, Ôyama-san! Wh ... what the hell? How can this guy kick from that position? It looks like he's doing Hip-Hop Breakdancing or something!"

"Oh no! Ôyama-san's getting his ass kicked! Shit! He's bleeding!"

The tall brute fell heavily on the ground with a pained grunt. He had several bruises on his face, and was bleeding from the nose.

"You already finished, °beeyatch°?" mocked the smaller boy.

"Whoa! Ôyama-san is getting up! That guy may be good, but Ôyama-san is finally showing his legendary guts again!"

"All right you two, let's regroup!" ordered Ôyama, grabbing his two henchmen, instead of jumping back into his battle.

"What the Hell?"

"Listen; that guy is a monster, we've got to unite our strengths."

"What? But isn't this a man-to-man fight?"

"I know, but this goes beyond personal matters! That guy wants to take over the school. We've fighting for the sake of our beloved guardian! We've got to protect her from that psychopath!"

"But, but ... attacking him three-to-one! Isn't that cowardly?"

"No, this is called strategy, strategy! And, I ... I mean ... what if he defeats Sakaki-sama and she falls in love with him and they go out and -- "

"Damn, and I was just starting to have faith in you again ... Oh what the Hell, let's do it, Ôyama-san. I have a strong urge to pound that guy in that deranged face of his anyway."

"All right, you two. We'll use the Triangular Delta Formation Attack!"

"The what?"

"He means surrounding him and attacking together from all sides."

"Oh."

"°Hey°, are you three finished yet?"

Ôyama advanced towards the spiky-haired boy, while his henchmen flanked him on both sides.

"°Okaaay°! Since you're so eager to learn about pain, I'll show you something neat! Hehehe ... here's a °cool° move; I'll let you worship it! Haaaaaaaaaa ..." his eyes widened crazily, and he tensed all his muscles until they became rock-hard.

"What the hell is he blabbering about?"

"Hey! Is he powering up or something? He looks like a freaking Saiya-Jin!"

"Don't get distracted! Okay you two, on my signal ... GO!"

"BAKUYAKU TÔKI HIZUME-KEN!"

Yamamoto's arm shot towards Ôyama with incredible speed; the air seemed to ripple around it in a spiral motion. The fist buried itself in the tall boy's gut with the strength of a freighter train, and a shockwave spread across his entire body.

Then the crazy boy jumped up, putting his hands on Ôyama's head as a support, and, doing the splits, kicked both henchmen in the face.

Three bodies hit the ground at the same time.

"This, my friends, is what they call °Strength°! ...It was only one punch, but contained within was energy, time, sweat, history, philosophy, and °Spirit°. The art of hand-to-hand combat is truly deep."

"Owww ... damn! He kicked me in the face, but he's still not making ANY sense!"

"Aargh ... if you want to use a cool fighting move, please don't give it a stupid name like 'Explosive Fighting Spirit Horse Hoof Fist'!"

"Ok, you two smart-asses, I'll let you live because you amuse me."

"Actually, we have ... argh, oww ... we have names ... I'm -- "

"Whatever. As for you, guardian, thank you for taking care of this school before it passed under my rule ... "

Yamamoto Brad gripped the fallen boy by the collar and scowled.

"You know, this victory leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I mean, I had wanted to transfer to Hiirin High School to kick some ass, but it was destroyed in an earthquake. Heh. Looks like the Gods keep putting obstacles in my quest for true °Strength° ..." the insane boy looked somewhat wistfully in the distance.
"However," he continued, "I was quite glad to hear that Hiirin's strongest fighter was the guardian here, so I accepted being transferred to this wimpy school ... Couldn't you have given me a better fight?
"°Shit°. What now? I'm supposed to be the boss of a bunch of nerds? What's the opportunity for good fights in that kind of place?"

"Urk ... ooow ... so ... be glad you aren't really the boss around here then."

"What the Hell? You want me to pummel you some more?"

"Heh. Too bad I'm not the guardian here anymore ... "

"What? You mean someone took the title from you while I was suspended? And he's still around here?"

"Heheheh ... that's a pretty impressive technique you got there. Too bad you couldn't really knock me out with it; even after giving me several kicks to the head. It didn't feel like ... that time."

"Shit, you want to die? Are you saying that guy's punches are more powerful?"

"Well, maybe you'll have to see for yourself ..."

"°Interesting!°"

"Ôyama-san!" exclaimed one of the henchmen, "I thought you didn't want Sakaki-sama to fight that guy? Ow!"

The spiky-haired boy stepped on the fallen boy's chest and asked, grinning madly:

"Who's that Sakaki person?"

Kaorin was in Hell.

Despite it being a rather customary situation for her lately, her hellish sufferings had just been heightened to a whole new level. She was sitting at her desk, rigid like a statue, not daring to breathe or move. Her back was aching with tension, and she was sweating bullets.

In front of her, Kimura-sensei was droning about the classical tale of Heike Monogatari in his eerie monochord voice. Because of his perpetually fogged-up glasses, it was difficult to guess where he was looking; but Kaorin had been developing a sixth sense, telling her exactly when she was under the creepy scrutiny of her homeroom teacher.

However, the main source of her apprehension was not Kimura-sensei, but the student right behind her, leaning back against his chair in a sloppy attitude, looking bored, and throwing dirty glances around him every now and then. It was that psychotic-looking boy with blond spiked hair; the one who had been suspended at the beginning of the year. Even without looking at him, she could feel his petrifying aura of aggressiveness. It seemed as if he would explode at any moment; and Kaorin didn't dare to move or make a noise.

Why did he have to be in her class? Why did he have to be seated just behind her? Why did SHE have to be in that class in the first place?

Normally she would have been very interested in this lesson, as it was about a passage of the Heike Monogatari recounting the epic adventures of the famous feudal-age heroine Tomoe-gozen, tamer of wild horses, slayer of the strongest of samurai warriors, and most certainly role-model of Kaorin's idol, Sakaki.

But today the shy girl didn't seem to be able to summon forth images of a O-yoroi armor-wearing, naginata-wielding Sakaki to fortify her soul. Even more than the immediate threat of the juvenile psychopath behind her, she was worried about the rumours about him circulating in school since his return three days ago.

Apparently, he had easily defeated the self-appointed "guardian" Ôyama and his two followers, and now intended to "take over the school". Kaorin greatly disliked that tall brute who had tried to fight Sakaki-san and now pestered her regularly, but the idea of a monster like Yamamoto Brad attacking her beautiful angel chilled her to the core.

Although she had absolute confidence in the powerful girl's fighting skills, she was also aware that crazy people sometimes possessed unnatural strength. Even though Sakaki-san would be without doubts victorious in a fight against Yamamoto, what if she was injured in the process? The idea of her beloved's pure, flawless ivory skin being marred with bruises brought a sick feeling to Kaorin's stomach.

However, a small part of her was looking forward to watching such a fight. She regretted dearly not having been able to witness the incident between Sakaki-san and the Yanki hooligans two weeks ago. From what she had been able to gather from Yomi and an eyewitness from first year, it had been truly amazing. After punishing a second-year who had touched her chest, she had toyed disdainfully with Ôyama for a few minutes; then, having had enough of him, she had sent the heavy boy flying, unconscious, with a simple push on the chest.

For so long, Kaorin's dreams had been populated by various incarnations of Sakaki, displaying incredible powers and an enticingly domineering attitude ... and now that it had happened for real, she wasn't even present to witness it!

Life was so unfair! Was she being punished by the Gods? Maybe she deserved everything that happened to her, precisely because she harbored selfish thoughts like wanting to watch Sakaki-san fight!
She was also guilty of having tried to steal glances at the tall girl's body in the changing room, when they were still in the same class.
Kaorin still remembered having a glimpse of her panties once, partially hidden behind the dark curtain of long silky hair ... although she wasn't sure she had seen right, because the kitten pattern seemed so incredibly cute ... Sakaki-san couldn't have been wearing such childish undergarments, could she?

Anyway, Kaorin thought, Love was supposed to be pure and selfless, and Sakaki-san wasn't born in this world to fulfil her own selfish little fantasies!

Yes, Kaorin would do her best to support the tall beauty in everything; even if she chose someone other than her to love! And she would also protect her from harm, even if it meant fighting that Yamamoto monster herself! Yes, she would give her life for the sake of her beloved!

Suddenly Kaorin heard Yamamoto shift in his seat, yawn loudly, and stretch his legs, bumping her chair with his foot. She jumped in fright.

Well, maybe she could try to throw stones at him from a distance ... She sighed, slumping on top of her desk.

Even more worrying, the insane boy seemed to have gained many followers in a very short time. A rumor said that he had beaten several boys in second year and that they now recognized him as their leader. Also, that horrible Kojima punk and his goons had suddenly come out of hiding and had been spotted in the company of the new "boss". He was probably waiting for the opportunity to take revenge against Sakaki-san for spraining his wrists.

Kaorin's blood boiled at the thought that this ... beast had dared to defile her angel ... touching her perfect breasts! In her opinion, Sakaki-san had been much too merciful; he deserved to have both arms ripped off!

" ... Now, who would like to read the next part -- Kaorin?" spoke Kimura-sensei, without even pausing between his question and the name of his favorite student.

Kaorin, still furious, stood up, mumbling "why me?" and started to read out the excerpt of the Heike Monogatari which was relating in flowery language the exploits of Tomoe-gozen. By chance, it was Kaorin's favorite passage. It conjured up the image of her beloved Sakaki-san and all her enticing qualities. Every time she read it, she felt exhilarated, and it gave her shivers and goose bumps ...

" ... Tomoe was exceptionally beautiful, with white skin, long hair, and exquisite features. She was an extraordinary archer; and with the sword she was a warrior worth a thousand, ready to face a demon or a god, mounted or on foot. She handled untamed horses with magnificent skill; she rode unscathed down perilous descents. Whenever a battle was imminent, her Lord sent her out as his first captain, equipped with strong armour, a great sword, and a mighty bow; and she performed more deeds of valour than any of his other warriors ... "

Kaorin caught her breath, and glanced at Kimura-sensei to see if he wanted her to stop or carry on. She was taken aback when she saw tears streaking down his face.

"Oh, Kaorin, you read it with such fervour ... That was ( ... sniff ... ) so moving! You really love classical literature, don't you Kaorin? Classical literature is so beautiful, isn't it, Kaorin ... "

"Wow, Kimura-sensei finally seems to show love for something else than peeping on girls," though Kaorin. "Maybe he didn't become a teacher just because he likes high school girls, after all. He really loves to teach literature! Maybe he also appreciates the story of Tomoe-gozen ... "

"CLASSICAL LITERATURE READ BY HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD!" suddenly screamed Kimura in his shrill voice. " ... But ... what if it was read during gym class? Wouldn't it be even better? ... maybe reading while running laps! ... Yes, with bouncy ... bouncy ... AAAHAAAHAAA! What to do? Should I switch classes with Nyamo-sensei?
" ... But wait, isn't it the season for swimming lessons? YES, AT THE POOL, LITERARY PERFECTION WOULD BE TRANSCENDED!
" ... But ... wouldn't the water damage the books? Does it mean that reading is impossible? Oh no! Achieving perfection is chimerical after all ... The dampness, the wetness! ( ... sniff ... ) WETNESS IS THE ENEMY OF LITERATURE! Nooooooooo ... Tohohohoho ... "

Kimura-sensei slumped over his desk, buried his face in his arms and started to sob.

Kaorin, who had been petrified during her teacher's creepy tirade, nearly jumped two meters high when she heard Yamamoto Brad's fist suddenly smash on his desk.

"Heheheheh ... a samurai woman ... interesting!" the insane boy grinned. "I've been fighting strong guys for so long, it's becoming boring. I want to fight a strong woman someday ... "

Kagura switched off her cell phone and put it back into her schoolbag.

"Yomi says her she's still not feeling well and won't come to school today either. And apparently, Tomo still hasn't recovered from the flu."

"Maybe we should go and visit them tonight," suggested Chiyo. "What did Yomi-san say she had?"

"Hmm, I think she said something like tachy ... errr ... tachycardia ... "

"Tachycardia? Isn't that a country somewhere in Europe? Did Yomi-chan go on a trip?" asked Osaka.

"No, no, Osaka-san. I think it actually means palpitations," explained Chiyo.

"Hmm, but I remember watching an animated film about the evil king of Tachycardia, who lived in an gigantic castle. He had a young shepherdess abducted because he wanted to marry her, but in the end he was defeated by a giant robot piloted by a talking bird, and -- "

"Err, that's not it Osaka-san!"

"Did you say palpitations, Chiyo-chan?" asked Kagura, alarmed. "Isn't it a problem with the heart? Is it dangerous? Is Yomi going to die?"

"Umm, no, I don't think it's that dangerous. I heard it can be a temporary reaction provoked by stress ... Anyway, I think we should go and visit her tonight, ne?"

"Yeah, I'm skipping swimming practice today anyway ... my leg still hurts a little ... "

"Ah! You're still hurt, Kagura-san! I'm sorry ... it was my fault! I mean ... I can't believe I still haven't thanked you for saving me! I'm so sorry! Is your leg all right?"

"Yeah, don't worry ... that kind of wound, as long as the bone isn't damaged, it's nothing."

"Well, thank you so much, Kagura-san! You were great; so courageous and strong!"

"Well, don't mention it ... anyway I didn't help much; I'm not strong, I got defeated ... " said the short-haired girl, lowering her head sadly.

"N ...no! You were strong! I swear!" cried out Chiyo, waving her arms frantically. "I mean ... you were great! He cheated! You would have won if he hadn't cheated!"

"You ... you think so?"

"Yes! You would have won! I bet my life on it! I admire you very much, Kagura-san!"

"Oh ... thank you. But I'm no match for Sakaki," the young athlete sighed. "Where is Sakaki anyway? She hasn't come back yet? It's nearly the end of recess."

"I don't know. She usually goes to the tree grove behind the gym and ... um, meditates, I think."

"I hope that Ôyama good-for-nothing doesn't disturb her again."

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrr ... "

"Um, Chiyo-chan? Calm down."

"Yes, Chiyo-chan, please calm down, or you might get sent to Tachycardia too," added Osaka.

Yamamoto Brad was striding down the hall in his arrogant gait, flanked by three mean-looking second year students; one of whom was Kojima, who had still one of his wrists in a cast.

"You're so cool, Buladdo-san!"

"You pronounce it 'Brad', moron."

"Err, yeah ... Yamamoto-san. Anyway, you're so strong! You really are the boss around here! We just have to get the third years under control, and this school will fall under your rule!" flattered the slimy boy with the cast.

"Feh ..."

"Look at the uniform jacket I made for Yamamoto-san's gang!" said another one of the punks, producing a modified gakuran jacket with "The Bomb Fighting SpirritZ" written in red letters on the back. "That's totally cool, right? Soon there'll be many tough guys wearing this uniform and Bula ... err, Yamamoto-san's gang will rule over all the surrounding schools!"

Suddenly, the three sycophants stopped their rant, spotting Sakaki walking down the hall towards them. Yamamoto noticed them shifting uneasily and slowing down behind him.

"Hmm, so that's the girl Ôyama was talking about," thought the spiky-haired boy. "Shit, she's one head taller than me! That pisses me off! And what's the deal with those three morons? In my presence they're still afraid of her? What the Hell? "

The tall girl seemed to be lost in her thoughts and wasn't paying attention to the four boys.

"Is that girl really strong? I don't sense any kind of tension coming from her. She's supposed to have beaten Ôyama in one blow? She doesn't seem to be aware of her surroundings, like a real fighter. Let's see how she reacts ... "

As Sakaki, still gazing in the distance, was about to pass Yamamoto, his fist shot towards her face in a lighting-fast motion. At the same time, Sakaki closed her eyes and sighed softly, pulling back a strand of long dark hair behind her ear in a very feminine gesture. Her arm deflected Yamamoto's fist slightly to the side and he overextended, nearly losing his balance.

She continued walking without even seeming to have noticed him. Suddenly, she stopped, and turned towards him. She blinked a few times, taking in his unusual appearance. Then she took a small bow and spoke in a quiet voice:

"I'm sorry, I didn't notice you here. Please forgive me for bumping into you."

She then noticed Kojima and his followers, and frowned, lowering her head, with what looked like an angry expression. The three boys took a step back. She turned around and walked quickly towards her class in long strides.

"What the Hell was that? She 'didn't notice' me? And she shrugged off that surprise attack like it was nothing important? Shit! She was looking down on me!"

"That girl ... she's a monster," whispered Kojima, touching reflexively his still injured wrist.

Suddenly, Yamamoto grabbed him by the throat and smashed him against the wall, staring at him with wild, bloodshot eyes.

"Tell me, °punk°, who's the strongest? Me, or that broad over there?"

"It ... it's you, Ya ... Yamamoto-san," stammered the hapless boy, terrified.

"Y ... yeah, Yamamoto-san," added another follower, "there's only that bitch who still dares to stand in your way. Once you have kicked her ass, our gang will rule over all the schools in the neighborhood! You ... you'll defeat her, right, Yamamoto-san?"

"Keh ... you guys are boring. I quit."

"Wh ... what?"

"I'm not playing around with you sissies anymore. It's boring. I'm taking matters in my own hands. Do what you want."

"But, but ... Yamamoto-san, the 'Bomb Fighting SpirritZ' gang -- "

"Is dissolved. Piss off now."

"But we've already challenged the guys from that other School!"

"So what? Clean your own messes. °Seeya°," called Yamamoto flippantly, heading in the same direction Sakaki went.

"Those stupid punks, pretending to be my followers," though the spiky-haired boy bitterly. "They act like they respect me, but in fact I know they really look down on me, because I'm not 'pure blood' Japanese. Feh, they're just afraid of my strength, like all of those other punks. They're all the same. That's right ... strength is the only important thing in this world."

Yamamoto stopped in front of class 3-3 and roughly opened the sliding door. The students were sitting at their desks, chatting among themselves. The teacher was absent, although recess had already ended a few minutes ago. He spotted the tall girl, sitting at a desk next to the window. She seemed to be gazing at something in the sky.

The ambient chatter died down, replaced by an uneasy silence, as the students noticed the looming presence at the door.

"That's right, I'll let them feel my killer aura ... that girl tried to break my spirit earlier, but now I'll turn the tables on her. I'll make her feel my menacing presence, and she will be uneasy during the whole day, until I challenge her to a fight in the evening. Hehe, good strategy; Miyamoto Musashi always broke his opponent's spirit before a fight, and that's how he was victorious every time."

"Um, excuse me?" spoke a gentle, cheerful voice. A fragile-looking girl with medium-length brown hair and soft features was looking up at him, smiling happily.

"Huh? I didn't sense her approach me!"

"What's your Power Level?"

"°What the Hell are you spouting, retard? You wanna die?°" Yamamoto growled in English, staring at her aggressively.

"Nande Yanen?" asked the girl in a typical Osakan dialect, her smile never faltering.

"Grrrrrrr ... "

Yamamoto glanced on his right and spotted a little girl with pigtails looking up at him defiantly.

"Wh ... what? There's a ... an elementary school girl growling at me! What kind of weird class is 3-3?"

He bent towards the little girl and gave her his best terrifying glare. She wavered a little, but kept growling at him.

"Grrrrrr ... k ... keep away from Sakaki-san!"

"Yeah," spoke a third voice, coming from a girl with short chestnut hair framing a cute face. "You'd better not challenge Sakaki. It's dangerous. I mean she's usually nice, but you don't want her to loose her patience. Trust me. I'm not giving you an attitude; I'm just saying that for your sake."

"Yes, it's dangerous!" "Please don't do it!" "You'll get killed," sounded a few other voices throughout the class.

"Wh ... what? What is this? What the hell is going on with that crazy class? They're not afraid of me? The guy who punched the Vice-principal? Who defeated all the bad-asses of the school? They're more afraid of that woman? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

Yamamoto's mind was in turmoil, as if he had lost his grip on reality. Even more distressing, the tall girl still seemed to ignore him completely, gazing through the window at something only she could see.

"I ... I'll kill them! I'll kill them all, right now!"

"Anô, excuse me, I'd like to give my class now," spoke a voice.

A young female teacher clad in a green dress was standing behind him, smiling cheerfully.

"Please let me by, Mr Spiky Hair Student, I'm already late enough as it is," she added in a sing-song voice, her friendly smile widening.

Yamamoto was trembling in anger. He scowled at the teacher and growled in English:

"°Piss off, or I'll as¿-rape you, bitch!°"

In all his life, Yamamoto Brad had never seen someone's face change expressions so quickly.

"°WHAT THE Fù¿K? YOU DARE TO Fù¿K WITH ME, A¿SWIPE? ARE YOU SO EAGER TO DIE, YOU Fù¿KING PRICK? GET THE Fù¿K OUTTA MY WAY OR I'LL BITCHSLAP YOU INTO NEXT CHRISTMAS, YOU STUPID Fù¿KTARD!°" the demonic teacher with crazy, bloodshot eyes roared into his face in the same language.

Too stunned to move or emit a sound, Yamamoto Brad let himself be shoved out of the way. The sliding door was violently shut in front of his face.

Behind the door, Yukari-sensei marched towards her desk and slammed her papers on the wooden surface, rattling everybody's pencils on their desks. She was growling angrily under her breath:

"Grrrr, lousy day ... I wake up extra early to go buy that new Dekken 5 game, then I have to wait in the queue for one hour, then I realize I have forgotten my wallet, then I go back to fetch it, then I go back to the store, then I wait for another half-hour, then they tell me that they've run out of copies, then my bike breaks again on the way to school, then some stupid Dragonball Z reject insults me and brags because he went to America and learned a few words of slang ... Hah! I've never been to America, how dare he rub it into my face ... "

Yukari-sensei was interrupted her dark musings when she noticed the sound of furious scribbling. She glanced up and saw all of her students taking notes frantically. As for Osaka, she was still standing near the door, frozen, both hands over Chiyo-chan's ears; her happy smile was adorning her face, but her eyes were shut tight.

"What the Hell are you all doing?" screamed Yukari-sensei.

Kagura raised suddenly, looking at her teacher with round and wild eyes, and bowed deeply, shouting:

"Tanizaki-sensei! I deeply respect you! Thank you for always exposing us to new educational material! I will study English more seriously from now on!"

"TAKE OUT A SHEET OF PAPER! WE'RE HAVING A SURPRISE TEST!"

Kaorin was walking towards the cafeteria building to buy some lunch, although she didn't feel very hungry. Because of her many worries, there was a heavy weight inside her stomach.

Nearing the entrance, she noticed a beautiful woman standing there, looking troubled.

"Oh! It's Kimura's wife!"

"Oh my oh my oh my oh my ... "

"Good afternoon, Kimura-sama. Are you lost? Are you looking for the teacher's room?"

"Oh! Hello there! It's Kaori-chan, right?"

"Eh? You know my name, Kimura-sama?"

"Why yes! My husband is always talking about you! He told me you're such a good student, really cute and talented! And that you appreciate classical literature so much!"

"E ... Ehh? Is ... is that so? Umm, are you looking for your husband?"

"Yes, he forgot to take his lunch with him this morning. Hee hee, he is so absent-minded."

"Oh my God! It's the °Love-Wife° Bentô!" thought Kaorin.

"But I already went to the teacher's room and he wasn't there ... oh my, what should I do?"

"Oh, maybe he is watering the flower garden, or he's peep ... err, I mean he's helping to clean the locker rooms; the ... umm, janitor is ill today, heheheh ... "

"Oh, he's so considerate ... But it will take me some time finding him ... and I'm already late to pick up our daughter from school; she finishes early today. Oh my, oh my!"

"Umm, maybe I could bring his lunch to him, Kimura-sama?"

"Oh, you would do that for me? You're so nice and kind, just like my husband said ... So I'll be leaving this in your hands," said the beautiful lady, presenting Kaorin with the Love-Wife Bentô.

"Whoa, she's beaming at me so much I'm nearly blinded! What an incredibly sweet angel! Yes, this is what they call True Love, even though it's for someone like Kimura-sensei," thought the shy girl.

"Lea ... leave it to me, Kimura-sama! I'll bring this lunch to your husband, even if it costs me my life!"

"Why, thank you so very much, Kaori-chan," said the angelic lady, bowing.

"Have a nice day, Kimura-sama!" replied Kaorin, returning the bow.

"Aah, after witnessing that kind of selfless love, I feel like I'm nothing. If such a sweet person can love someone like Kimura-sensei so much, then I should be ashamed of myself for harboring selfish fantasies about Sakaki-san!" mused Kaorin, holding the Love-Wife Bentô to her chest. "I must find inside my heart the way to strengthen my feelings for Sakaki-san, and the will to support her in everything she does, even if it doesn't include me."

Kaorin decided to look for her homeroom teacher in the flower gardens and headed for that direction. As she was about to turn around the corner of the storage building, she stopped abruptly, hearing rough voices.

"What are we gonna do, Kojima-san? That samurai-girl, she saw us with Yamamoto! She'll probably want to punish us. We're gonna get slaughtered!"

"Oh my God, it's that horrible Kojima person, who dared to touch Sakaki-san's chest!" thought Kaorin angrily, peering from behind the corner of the building.

The wiry boy with sunglasses was holding a bokken in his uninjured hand. He was flanked by two other dangerous-looking punks."

"All we can do now is pray that Yamamoto manages to defeat her ... Damn, if only we had something to use against her!"

"Hey, who the Hell are you? Are you spying on us?" shouted one of the goons, spotting Kaorin.

"Piss off, bitch, or we kill you!"

"Wait! I recognize her! She's one of samurai-girl's friends! Maybe we could take her hostage!"

"Hey, good idea! We can use her against samurai-girl when she fights Yamamoto, so that she lets herself be beaten!"

"Get her! She's running away!"

Kaorin was fleeing in terror, the three punks right on her heels.

"No! No! No! I can't let them catch me! Because of me, Sakaki-san will get hurt! Noooooo!"

Suddenly, the poor girl stumbled and fell, dropping the bentô she was carrying. She scraped her knees and forearms on the gravel of the aisle. As she was trying frantically to get up and resume her panicked flight, she froze.

"Wait! The °Love-Wife° Bentô! I can't leave it like that! If I can't protect this symbol of True Love then I'm not worthy of loving Sakaki-san"

"KYAAAAAAAAAA!"

Screaming like a banshee, Kaorin picked up two handfuls of gravel, and flung them with all her might at her pursuers who were about to reach her.

"Aaaaaargh! My eyes!"

"Oooow! That hurts! You bitch, I'll kill you!"

Kaorin took advantage of the momentary surprise of the three punks and dove for the Love-Wife Bentô.

"Shit! Grab that bitch!"

"Ow! My shin!"

"Yeoow! She bit me!"

"After her! She's getting away!"

Kaorin, running for her life and clutching the bentô to her chest, finally reached the flower gardens, as her lungs were about to explode.
As Kaorin had suspected, Kimura-sensei was there, carefully watering "Kaorin and Kimurin's flower garden".

The bespectacled teacher rose, and positioned himself in front of the exhausted girl.

"I'LL PROTECT YOU, KAORIN!" he screamed, taking up a weird-looking fighting stance.

The three punks stopped abruptly and looked warily at the creepy man, whose body was twisted in an unnatural position, joints creaking loudly. His glasses were glinting eerily in the sunlight.

"Damn, what's that? Some kind of drunken-style Kung fu?"

"Shit, we can't attack him anyway, he's a teacher."

"What, you'd rather face samurai-girl than a teacher?"

"Damn, you're right! Let's get him!" ordered Kojima, readying his wooden sword in his good hand.

Suddenly, they heard the voice of two other punks shouting from a distance:

"What are you doing Kojima-san? Yamamoto-san has already challenged the guardian-girl!"

"They're fighting right now behind the gym! And it doesn't look good for him! You've got to come! Hurry!"

"Shit! It's too late for taking a hostage! We'll retreat for now. We'll remember this, bitch!" growled Kojima, turning on his heels and running to catch up with his other goons.

Kimura-sensei turned towards Kaorin and took in her appearance. Her hair was tousled, she had scrapes and bruises on her knees and arms, and her uniform was ripped in a few places. She was desperately trying to regain her breath.

"(Huff, huff, huff ... ) sensei ... (huff ... ) here ... " she presented him with a bentô enveloped in a pink napkin.

As she was starting to breathe normally again, she glanced up at her homeroom teacher. He was trembling and had tears streaking down on his face.

"Oh, Kaorin ... (sniff ...) you did all that for me ... (sniff ...) braving all these dangers ... Kaorin, you ... YOU DO CARE FOR ME AFTER ALL, KAORIN!"

"AAAAARRRGHHH! I DID NOT DO IT FOR YOU! I DID IT FOR YOUR WIFE! YOU DON'T DESERVE SOMEONE LIKE HER ANYWAY!" the exasperated girl screamed into his face.

Suddenly remembering the battle between her beloved Sakaki-san and that crazy Yamamoto boy, she started to run towards the gym, pausing once to shout back to the crying teacher:

"And it's called °LOVING Wife° Bentô!"

"Wow, it's so sunny today!" cheered Kagura. "Let's go eat lunch under the shade of a tree, behind the gym! It's better to have lunch outside than in the classroom or the cafeteria."

"I like the roof." said Osaka

"I think under the shade would be better today," replied Chiyo. "Lately the sun has been shining a little too brightly. Summer is approaching."

"Too bad Yomi-chan and Tomo-chan aren't here to enjoy the sunny day with us," remarked Osaka.

"Hmm, maybe we should bring Yomi-san a gift when we visit her tonight," suggested Chiyo. "What should we buy her? ... Ah! And tomorrow, we'll visit Tomo-chan! I'd like to see how her parents are like!"

"Yes, I'm curious about Tomo's family, too," chuckled Kagura. "What do you think, Sakaki?"

"A box of chocolates."

"Eh?"

"We should buy Yomi-san a box of chocolates. She said she wasn't on a diet right now, so she might be happy if we bring her chocolates."

"That's a good idea, Sakaki-san," chirped Chiyo-chan. "What kind of chocolate do you think Yomi-san likes? I would guess she prefers black and bitter chocolate."

"Milk chocolate."

"Really? I thought she didn't like things that taste too sweet. Doesn't she drink her coffee black?"

"Yomi-san loves sweet things. But she is often on a diet so she holds herself back."

"Hmm, Sakaki-san sure is observant," thought the little prodigy with a soft smile on her lips; "she cares for her friends so much, and she's so kind and beautiful ... (sigh ... ) I wish I was more mature, and maybe ... "

"Hey, I like chocolate with rum inside, or a cherry," said Kagura. "How about we buy some for Yomi?"

"Hmm, we should rather bring those to Tomo-chan tomorrow. She likes them too."

"You think so, Sakaki? So what shall we buy for Yomi?"

"Necoconeco."

"Eh?"

"Necoconeco."

"You mean there is a Necoconeco brand of chocolates, Sakaki-san?" asked Chiyo.

"Aa. It just went on sale."

"Are the chocolates Necoconeco-shaped?"

Sakaki nodded, blushing slightly.

"Waaai! Kawaî!" gushed the little pigtailed girl.

"Oh, who cares about what they look like," said Kagura, "the important thing is that they taste good!"

"No, shape is very important in chocolates," stated Sakaki with deep conviction. "Beauty for the eyes and a sweet taste for the palate can blend together to bring a wonderful feeling to one's heart."

"Eeeeh? You sure seem to be an expert on chocolates, Sakaki. I wouldn't have guessed that about you ... I also remember you knowing a lot about flowers. Hehehe, you're like one of those samurai warriors of old, who loved to do tea ceremonies, and other zen stuff ... like writing Haiku after a battle with their own blood!"

"B ... blood?"

"I like sea slug-shaped chocolates," said Osaka dreamily.

"I CHALLENGE YOU!" screamed a loud, angry voice.

The three girls looked up and spotted Yamamoto Brad, standing further down the path bordering the gym building and leading to the tree grove. His scowling, eyebrow-less face was looking crazier than ever, and his spiked bleached hair seemed to stand up even more wildly than before.

"Heh, you thought you could ignore me like that, °bitch°? Hmpf ... everybody's always babbling that you've got some crazy strength. Usually, women, they are weak, right? So I thought to myself 'I want to see a strong woman. I want to fight her.' So, how about you show me your strength right now, woman? And don't think I'll hold back against you because you're a girl, like that Ôyama moron. The only thing I respect in this world is strength!"

"A fight! It's a fight!"

A few students who had been spying on Yamamoto from behind the trees came out of their hiding spots and gathered near the scene.

"Wow, Sakaki-sama's going to fight that crazy Amerikajin!"

"Waaa, I'm so excited!"

"But isn't it dangerous?"

"Yes, we should go get a teacher!"

"Don't worry; that kind of guy, she's going to beat him easily!"

Yamamoto Brad fumed, and threw his jacket to the side, revealing his abnormally muscular body. He took a very low fighting stance, changing alternatively the leading foot, as if he was dancing. Everybody looked at Sakaki expectantly.

"Umm ... who are you again?"

The spiky-haired boy nearly lost his footing.

"I AM YAMAMOTO BRAD FROM CLASS 3-4! I'M CHALLENGING YOU TO A DUEL! ARE YOU COMPLETELY STUPID, YOU HUGE BROAD?"

Sakaki closed her eyes and took a series of slow, deep breaths. She opened her eyes again and stared at him blankly for a few seconds. Then recognition seemed to dawn on her face.

"Oh. You are that student from this morning. Are you angry because I bumped you in the hallway? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I was careless and didn't look where I was going. Please forgive me."

"Wow, Sensei's Chi Kung techniques seem to be working," thought the tall girl. "I don't feel afraid of him that much, although he looks very intimidating. My voice isn't caught in my throat like last time ... That's right, if I talk to him, and apologize properly, maybe he won't hurt me."

"What the Hell? You dare to apologize with that look on your face? You ... you're mocking me, you bitch! You think you can brush me off like this? Take that! TORRRYA!"

Yamamoto Brad charged her, and with an impressive leap, tried to drop-kick her; but she diverted his trajectory slightly by brushing his leg with her forearm, while stepping quickly to the side. Noticing that he might hurt himself falling, she tried to catch him by the arm, but all she managed to do was to alter his momentum even more; the muscular boy crashed noisily on the ground.

"Oww, shit!"

"P ... please stop! You'll hurt yourself!"

"Aaaaaargh! I'll kill you!"

Enraged, Yamamoto attacked her with a series of impressive and fast acrobatic kicks. They were all deflected or dodged; the stronger and faster he kicked, the more easily she seemed to make him lose his balance.
Fortunately for him, Yamamoto was an expert in an acrobatic fighting style, which allowed him to follow up incredibly quickly after missing his target or taking a fall.

The spectators oohed and aahed, seeing him move from one kick to another like a blur, being thrown backwards, catching himself with his hands on the ground and hurling both legs towards Sakaki like helicopter blades.
However, the tall girl quickly stepped forward between the two legs, following their rotating motion; with each arm, she diverted one leg upwards and the other downwards. Yamamoto's body seemed to twist quickly in the air as he lost the support of his hands on the ground; he crashed once again on the ground, this time on his face.

"I ... I'm begging you! Stop it! I don't want this! I don't want anybody to be hurt!" Sakaki spoke in a hoarse voice, trying desperately to get her body back under control.

With an even more enraged yell, the blond boy jumped back to his feet, and attacked her with a lightning-fast combination of kicks and punches, both straight and circular.

"What the Hell is this? It seems like I'm attacking water!"

His opponent wasn't even trying to take a defensive stance. Every time one of his attacks neared her, she seemed to flinch, and one of her arms shot up to protect her; however she also moved her body in such a way that his fist or foot seemed to glide over her arm and be sucked into some sort of void. It took all of his concentration not to lose his balance each time he missed.

What was even more maddening was the fact that when he managed to circumvent her arms with a feint, the part of her body he was attacking seemed to draw back and stay out of his reach, as she twisted her body like a flexible reed, without losing her own balance.

"What is her body made of? Does she even have a spine? Shit! It looks like one of those so-called 'soft styles' like Aikido. Ok ... usually those kinds of guys have a weakness: they aren't able to protect their legs as well, since it's their support on the ground.
"All right ... I've tried many styles, and even though Capoeira is my forte, my Muay Thai low kicks are pretty devastating. I should have used them from the very beginning. OK, no more showing off now!"

Yamamoto threw a few feints towards her face and suddenly, his foot shot towards the side of her knee. However, at the last moment, her leg twisted around his own like a snake and guided his foot on its intended trajectory, accelerating it towards the side.

"She ... she can do it also with her legs? How is that even possible?" thought the spiky-haired boy, as he was badly loosing his balance.

Sakaki, noting that her opponent was falling backwards and might hurt his head on the ground, tried to grab him by his t-shirt.
Yamamoto saw a hand shoot towards his solar plexus and tried frantically to dodge it, giving a sharp push with his foot still on the ground. He seemed to fly backwards for a short distance and fell painfully on his back.

Sakaki suddenly heard amazed cheers coming from the spectators. More of them seemed to have been drawn to the fight. Among them, she noticed that tall Ôyama boy who, for some reason, had been trying to get her into some kind of gang. He was shouting and cheering louder than everyone. She blushed and tried to grasp what was going on.

"Did you see that? She pushed him back without even touching him!"

"Did she use a chi attack?"

"Yay! Go, Sakaki-sama! Protect our school from crazy delinquents!"

"Hurray, hurray!"

Kojima and a few of his goons had also appeared, just as their new "boss" was being thrown back by what looked like a psychic attack. They cowered on the side of the gym building.

"Oh my God, Yamamoto-san is getting his ass kicked by that crazy samurai girl! What should we do?"

"Shit, and she saw us this morning with him! She's gonna take revenge, and kill us!"

"And we weren't able to take that friend of hers hostage earlier! Maybe we should try to grab one of her other friends right now? The little one perhaps?"

"Right in front of her? Are you insane?"

Meanwhile, the muscular boy had got back to his feet again and was scowling furiously.

"I see. I've fought a lot of strong guys, and some of them used some kind of soft style. Heh. Even though I haven't seen a style like yours before, I've learned one thing: when someone absorbs your punches ... all you have to do is to punch harder and faster until they can't absorb it anymore ... so, °bitch°, let's see you absorb THIS ... HAAAAAAAAA!"

"Look at that, he's changing into his Super Saiya-Jin form!"

"Oh my God, look at the air spiraling around his arm! Is he going to use a Kamehameha?"

"Look out, Sakaki-sama!"

Sakaki saw the wild boy charge her with insane speed, his fist cocked back, the air rippling around it.

"I've got to stop him somehow, or I'll be killed! He doesn't seem to listen to reason. I know! I'll try to push him back like last time with Ôyama-san. But I'll try to do it less violently."

"BAKUYAKU TÔKI HIZUME-KEN! ... Ack!"

Yamamoto's fist flied towards the side of Sakaki's head but at the very last moment it changed its trajectory and passed a few centimeters in front of her face, the strong air wave blowing her long hair back.

"H ... how? She didn't touch my arm at all!"

Suddenly Yamamoto realized that he was losing his balance, and that it was the very reason of his near miss. As he had been charging towards her, the tall girl had stepped right inside his guard and bumped his leading leg to the side with her own knee.
As a result, his main support was suddenly taken out from under him and he collapsed like a house of cards, hitting his jaw on her knee.

With a pained grunt, he desperately tried to raise, but felt two hands giving him a very sharp push on his chest, cutting off his breath and throwing him on the ground.

"Whoa! She countered his crazy attack!"

"Amazing! Hurray!"

"Yay! The bad guy is defeated!"

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Yamamoto, suddenly raising from the ground like a demonic undead creature.

"Wow, that guy is incredibly tough!"

"Oh my God! Sakaki-sama, he's got a knife!" suddenly screamed a girl's voice.

"He ... he's pulled a knife on her! He's gone off to deep end!"

"Noooo! Sakaki-sama! Look out!"

"°I'll carve you up, bitch! Die!°" screamed the psychotic boy incoherently, slashing at her with his short blade.

Reflexively, Sakaki's hand deflected his knife-wielding arm downwards, as her lower body twisted away from the blade's trajectory; then her elbow shot forward and hit his hand sharply, flinging the knife away. It embedded itself point first in the wall of the gym building, a few centimeters next to Kojima's face.

Yamamoto, startled, tried to move back, but he saw her hand reaching towards his throat. His upper body bent back reflexively.
Sakaki, who once again had tried to catch him by the shirt to prevent him from falling, tried to grip his belt instead, but he moved his pelvis back in alarm. As a result, he lost his balance completely and found himself lying on his back once again.

Snapping out of his crazed trance, he saw the tall girl's hand reach towards him. He tried to bat it away, but he found that he just couldn't move. His attention was completely focused on the slender hand hovering above his face. He instinctively felt that he had no way to prevent it from stabbing towards his throat or eyes; he felt paralyzed and could barely breathe.

"Is ... is that what they call ... True Strength? What I've been looking for all this time?"

Finally, his brain decided to take a little break, and he went limp, his eyes rolling back in his head.

"Whoa! She used that chi attack again, and knocked him down without touching him! That's so cool!"

"Thank God you're safe, Sakaki-sama!"

"That guy actually fainted! That's crazy, she really must have psychic powers!"

Pale like a ghost, Kojima glanced at the knife a few centimeters next to his cheek, and scrambled away, screaming in terror, followed by his goons. He passed Kaorin, who was running in the opposite direction.

As the shy girl arrived on the scene she saw her beloved Sakaki standing over the still form of Yamamoto Brad, sprawled on his back. She was looking a little disconcerted. About a dozen students who had witnessed the fight were cheering loudly from the sides.

Kaorin fell limply to her knees, eyes wide.

"I ... I'm too late again! Noooooooo!"

"Anyway, Sakaki, that was awesome!" commented Kagura, as the four girls were packing their stuff, after having cleaned up the classroom.

"Yes it was! But still, because of that strange boy, we had to eat lunch in a hurry in the classroom," pouted Chiyo-chan.

"I hope he's all right ... " sighed a depressed-looking Sakaki.

"Well, he was dragged to the infirmary ... don't worry about that idiot," said Kagura. "Anyway, how did you do that trick with your hand? Was that a chi attack?"

"Chi? Uh, I ... I don't know. I think he tripped."

"Oh, come on Sakaki, tell us! ... Or is it a secret? Oh, that's right! It must be a secret technique from your Ninjutsu arts! If you told us you'd have to kill us!"

"K ... kill?"

"Hahaha, that's so cool!" Kagura laughed, slapping the taller girl on her back. "And that knife-disarming technique was totally cool too!"

"There ... there was a knife?" wondered Sakaki in a low tone of voice.

"Eh?"

"But why did he want to fight so much? Why didn't he listen? ... "

"Well, you know Sakaki, when you're strong, it tends to attract other strong people who want to fight you ... "

The tall girl looked at her classmate, horrified.

" ... At least, that's how it happens in manga, hahaha!"

"Are we going to buy some Necoconeco chocolates for Yomi-chan, now?" asked Osaka cheerfully.

"Yeah, let's go!"

As the four girls neared the school gates, they found Yamamoto Brad blocking their path once again. His hair was still looking completely wild, but the expression on his face seemed somewhat subdued.

"Damn it! You again? Didn't you learn your lesson today?" shouted Kagura. "Get out of our way! Shoo, shoo!"

The blonde boy ignored her and approached Sakaki. Suddenly he bowed.

"Aneki! I pledge my life to you!"

"Aneki?" exclaimed Kagura in disbelief.

"Aneki! I have realised I am still a long way from reaching true °Strength°; but after fighting you, I understood that you're one of the few people in this world who possess it. So after watching you fight, Aneki, I thought to myself, 'I could give my life for such a person'! And also, I felt true °Spirit° when you ... "

As the supposedly half-American boy was ranting about "power" and "spirit" in front of a crestfallen-looking Sakaki, Osaka nodded sagely to herself.

"That's right, Sakaki-chan holds a lot of pawaa ... "

"Um, you pronounce it °power°, Osaka-san" said Chiyo.

"Anyway, it seems like Sakaki-chan has acquired another sidekick!"

"Sakaki doesn't need another weird follower. Go away, baka!" Kagura ordered the blond boy, who paid her no heed, carrying on with his rant.

" ... And stop calling her 'Aneki', she's not some Yakuza gang leader!"

"Sakaki-sama! There's an emergency!" interrupted a new voice.

One of Kojima's underlings approached their small group, looking panicked.

"The ... the guys from the other school we challenged in Yamamoto-san's name are here! They're about fifteen or twenty, and they look pissed! They're blocking the gates and are preventing the students from leaving! They're about to attack us! P ... please help us, Sakaki-sama!"

As the group glanced towards the gates, they spotted a large group of mean-looking punks waiting in front of the school; some of them were holding sticks and wooden swords. Inside the school, a few students were watching from the sides, not daring to approach the horde of juvenile delinquents.

Their leader, a tall brute with a very ugly regent-style hairdo, was screaming:

"We're the Mad Dogs Group from Hiirin High! Come out, Yamamoto! You dared to send us that disrespectful challenge letter! We're gonna kill everyone in here if you and your puny gang of sissies don't come out this instant!"

Yamamoto smirked.

"Heh, don't worry, Aneki. Those kinds of small fry ... I can handle them myself. No need to waste your °Spirit° on them. Just watch your °little brother° fight for you, Aneki!"

He gave the puzzled Sakaki a thumbs-up, and charged, alone, into the group of punks, screaming a loud war-cry. As he reached the leader, he jumped-kicked him in the face.

"TOOORRRRYYYYYAAAA!"

Kojima and his goons, who had been watching from a distance, were considering their options.

"Should we attack them too?"

"But their numbers are too high!"

"But what if samurai-girl gets angry at us for not assisting her? She has already given Kojima-san a warning today!"

"Urk! ... All right you guys, let's go! Attack!"

Kojima and his group charged into the mêlée, where Yamamoto Brad was already displaying his awesome Capoeira skills, swirling around like a mad dervish, hitting punks left and right with feet and fists.

Ôyama and his two henchmen were also watching from the sides, among the cowering students.

"Grrrr, we can't let those morons hog all the glory for themselves! Let's join the battle!"

"But, Ôyama-san, these are our former classmates from Hiirin High School! After the earthquake, they were transferred to that other school nearby, and that idiot Yamamoto challenged them! We can't go and fight them!"

"It's for Sakaki-sama's sake! Besides, aren't you two itching for a good mass fist-fight, like old times?"

"Hmm, maybe you're right, Ôyama-san. After that unpleasant incident with that Yamamoto freak, I feel like punching a few faces!"

"And maybe we could get a few hits on him 'accidentally', if you see what I mean, heheheh ... "

"Sakaki-sama! Watch this Soldier of Love fight for your glory!" shouted Ôyama.

" 'Soldier of Love'? Please, Ôyama-san, this is embarrassing!"

"Alright, you two, Triangular Delta Formation Attack! CHARGE!"

As an all-out chaotic brawl was taking place in front of the gates, Sakaki and Kagura stood there, frozen, watching in disbelief. Osaka still hadn't lost her happy smile, but she had put her hands in front of Chiyo's eyes.

"(Sigh ... ) this is boring ... "

"True, true, Ôyama-san."

Once again, Ôyama and his two henchmen were smoking cigarettes and lounging dejectedly, this time next to a convenience store; they were clad in their street clothes.

"Feh ... in the end we were all expelled for fighting on school grounds."

"Are we actually stupid?"

"Will I ever see you again, Sakaki-sama?"

"And Ôyama-san still hasn't snapped out of it ... "

"Where did they say we will be transferred, again?"

"Uh, Cromartie High School ... damn, it's quite far from here."

"I'm bored."

"You know," said Henchman N°1 with a thoughtful expression, "maybe we should follow the advice that Glasses-Girl gave us once ... "

"What?"

"You know ... maybe we could study, and prepare the college entrance exams, and stuff ... "

His two companions looked at him as if he had grown a second head.

"Wh ... what did I say?"

Author's notes: Miscellaneous

-- Osaka mentioning the king of Tachycardia, a talking bird, and a giant robot: there is actually an animated film like that ...
-- Nande Yanen: means "Why?" in Osakan dialect. See the Author's notes of chapter 7 about Manzai comedy.

-- Gakuran: a typical dark blue uniform for boys in Japanese schools. Tomo, Kagura and Sakaki wear them during the third athletic festival. --

Amerikajin: means "American"

Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Tomo-chan's fragile heart
(Where the author mixes Angsty Teenage Romance™ with Chinese Triads ... )
Through Yomi's eyes ...
(Sigh ...) I turn off my cell-phone and put it back onto my desk. Kaorin has just called me to know how I was doing, and to cheer me up; but in the end I was the one who had to comfort her, after she told me what happened today! Poor girl. She's really unlucky. At least those idiot Yanki delinquents will probably get expelled for all the trouble they caused. The principal will certainly jump at the occasion and palm them off to another school.
Still, because of them, my friends couldn't come visit me today. And I was so looking forward to it ... maybe they'll come tomorrow? And perhaps they'll bring me something nice and sweet to eat. Hmm, they probably think I'm still on a diet, so I shouldn't get my hopes up.
What time is it? Ah, 9:20 ... I think I'll read Tomo's manga again for a little while. I don't feel like lying down right now. That knot in my stomach ... It's been three days, and it still hasn't gone away. It's especially unpleasant when I'm stretched out on my bed; I feel that pull on my stomach muscles ... if I want to sleep, I have to curl up into a fetal ball. And when I wake up, there are only a few seconds while I feel relaxed; and then my belly quickly knots up again, as my worries come back to me.
Right now, I'm holding a hot-water bottle against my stomach, and it eases the tension somewhat, but it's still painful. Although I had read about it, I wasn't really able to imagine how the body could react physically to one's worries ... until it happened to me.
My parents are starting to get concerned; but I don't want to go to the doctor's ... what if he diagnoses a nervous breakdown? It can't be! I want to go to Okinawa with my friends! There's only ten days left until the trip ... what I am going to do? I'm so frustrated, I feel like I'm going to cry ...
Besides, what kind of worries do I really have? Is it because of that silly fight with Tomo? We're always fighting anyway. What was so different about this time? ... I think what surprised me was the way she suddenly went home without a word, like she had given up. That's really not like her.
I guess because I've known her for so long, I'm unconsciously used to the ways she normally acts; so that unusual reaction kind of shocked me ...
Anyway, the best course of action would be to reconcile with her quickly ... but I don't even know what I should be apologizing for! And why hasn't she called me? I heard from the others that she hasn't recovered from the flu yet, but still ... And I don't really want to call her myself; what would I say to her anyway?
Damn, since when have things gotten awkward between us?
Tomo ... after we graduate and go to different universities, I won't be able to see her everyday ... when will we meet again, and for what occasion? We could drift away really quickly. Besides, we have formed such a wonderful group of friends, it will be really sad when I have to part ways with them ...
As for now, Tomo and I sometimes hang out together outside of school, but it's usually her who comes over and drags me off somewhere ... what if she doesn't feel like seeing me anymore, after graduation? But it would feel weird if I was the one to go to her ... and what would we actually talk about, and do together?
Hmm, Yukari-sensei and "Nyamo-sensei" still seem very comfortable around each other; they often go drinking at a bar, or watch a movie together. But it's different than Tomo and I; they actually went to the same college and still work at the same school.
Well, anyway, I know I'll have to let go of my childhood soon. But I feel it's too early. In my mind, I probably view Tomo as the incarnation of my childhood; and that's why I'm afraid of her going away. And that's also the reason I've become so sensitive to what she says or does lately ...
(Sigh ... ) has that girl really wormed her way into my life like that?
I really don't want to let go of my childhood yet. Time has started to pass so quickly ... I still remember how long the school years seemed to last, back in elementary school, when Tomo and I were always playing together. Everyone thinks I'm so serious and stuff, but ... I don't want to grow up, so soon. I don't want to be an adult. I ... still want to play around ... with Tomo.
Damn it, I'm ... I'm crying ... Oh ... Oh God ... I feel so bad ... Ah ... what's happening to me? I clutch my hot-water bottle to my stomach, but it doesn't seem to ease my pain.
Oh, there's a noise at the window, a soft tapping sound. Could ... could it be? Quickly I dry my tears. I hope she won't notice I've been crying. Well, I already look like a zombie anyway, so she'll probably think I'm just tired and ill.
Alright ... I open the window ... Tomo! It's really her! She's wearing a white T-shirt and blue Bermuda shorts. She has a blank look on her face. Usually, when she wants to show her feelings, she makes amusing and exaggerated expressions; but when she's like that, it's impossible to guess what she's thinking.
She takes off her sandals and climbs in.
"Tomo."
"Hey ... You don't look too well. I had the others on the phone today; they said you've been ill ... for three days." Her voice sounds flat, too.
"Well, yeah ... I don't feel very good. But it'll go away soon I think."
"What's with the hot-water bottle? Isn't it a little too warm for that?"
"Oh. It's to ease the pain in my stomach ... I have a stomach-ache."
"I see ... " she frowns a little. "A new diet method gone wrong?"
" Well ... you know, something like that."
"Hmm, that's not good ... "
"But ... what about you? Aren't you ill yourself? Shouldn't you have stayed in bed? I thought you had the flu ... you might get a fever again."
"Oh that. I don't have a fever."
"Eh? But ... does it mean you're skipping school, just because you feel like it? Isn't that a little ... "
"I don't have a fever ... but I don't feel good at all."
She sits down on my bed and brings her legs against her chest. I can only see her eyes peeking from above her knees. She is still looking blankly at me. I sit down at my desk and leaf absently through my English textbook.
"Um, Tomo ... "
"Hm?" her voice is somewhat muffled by her legs.
"I'm sorry."
"Uh?"
"I mean ... I will give you that manga back if you really want to read it."
"Manga?"
"Well you know ... "
"Oh that one ... well it's alright. I mean, I've already read it."
"You have? But ... I don't understand ... "
"I though it was boring, anyway. I was wondering why you liked it so much. Things don't happen as in those sappy manga, do they? I hate them."
"Hmm, I don't think it's a good reason to hate them. You know, things also don't happen as in the violent manga you usually read ... still, you like those."
"How about what happened with Sakaki?"
" ... Heh. You have a point. So, after all, things could also happen as in that romantic manga," I say, holding up the volume.
"You really think so, Yomi?"
"Well ... maybe Kagura will declare her undying love to Sakaki or something ... hehehe!"
"Heh. Hehehe. Wouldn't that be funny, right? Hehehehehe." Tomo is chuckling softly from behind her knees. Normally, she would have been laughing noisily, jumping around and mimicking various funny love-love situations involving the two girls.
"Yeah, it would ... "
"By the way," she says suddenly, "won't it feel weird when we graduate ... and go to different universities? Me and you ... and the others?"
My heart skips a beat.
"Well ... yeah. We won't be able to see each another as often. I ... still have trouble picturing it. I mean ... I don't know ... "
Suddenly, Tomo jumps to her feet and starts taking off her clothes.
"What are you doing?"
"Going to sleep. I'm tired now."
She has flung her T-shirt, shorts and socks about the room and stands there, her thin body covered only by a small tank-top and boxers. Damn, that girl is really shameless, stripping like that!
Hmm, on the other hand, she's always wearing her swimsuit under her clothes when we go to the pool ... and after swimming she changes back under a towel. Come to think of it, that's pretty strange ... Tomo, prudish? I was under the impression that she was quite unashamed about her body, despite her always complaining her chest is too small. When was the last time I saw her completely naked? Maybe when we were kids, and took baths together?
Well, as for me, I'm not very confident about my body, so in the locker room I usually change quickly ... but not too hastily, and I don't try to hide, because it would attract attention to me. I don't want to be made fun of for trying to hide my body. (Sigh ... ) changing in the locker room is awkward. Well, there's also Sakaki who always changes under a towel ... and Chiyo-chan too. But then again, nobody would dare to make fun of Sakaki; and as for Chiyo-chan, she still has the body of a little girl, so maybe she feels somewhat ashamed. It must be difficult for her.
Why I am thinking of that, all of a sudden? And why has Tomo taken off her clothes? Hey, wait a minute!
"What are you doing? Get out of my bed!"
"I'm sleepy."
"You ... you're going to sleep in my bed?"
"Hmm." she turns on her side, her back facing me.
"Why you ... where am I supposed to sleep?"
" ... On a futon, or something."
"You ... you ... "
"I'm your host, so I get the bed."
"Well, I didn't invite you in the first place! Get out!" I try to pull her out, but she's holding onto the edge of the bed.
"Stop that. I'm sleepy. I can't sleep at home. Too noisy."
"Are ... are your parents fighting?"
"No. They're laughing and having fun in front of the TV."
"So what, they're not going to be noisy all night! Go home, and sleep in your own bed!"
"No matter what, I won't be able to sleep in my bed."
"Grrrr. This is MY bed! There's not enough room for two." I climb onto the bed and slip under the covers. I try to push her forward with my arms and legs, so that she falls off between the bed and the wall. That'll teach her! ... But I still can't pry her off. Damn it! I thought I was stronger than her! She's holding onto the edge of the bed as if her life depended on it.
"Hnngh ... get off! Hey, don't push me back! Stop that."
"I'm cold."
"What? Cold? What are you talking about? It's really warm in here. It's even warm outside."
"I'm still cold."
Her bare foot brushes against mine. It does feel cold.
"Do you have a fever? I told you to stay home!"
"I don't have a fever." Her voice still has that quiet, flat tone. Maybe she really is tired. I wonder what's the expression on her face right now. She is still on her side, facing away from me.
She extends her arm, and switches off the lights. She then starts to push her back against me even more.
"Come on, stop it, you're going to push me off ... "
"You're so soft, Yomi."
"Eh?"
"Please stop it with your stupid diets. It's better like that ... more comfortable."
"C ... Comfortable? What the Hell? Tomo ... you ... you want me to strangle you or something? You dare to call me fat, now of all times?"
I put my arm above her shoulder and reach for her throat. She sighs quietly, and tilts her head back, giving my hand a better access to her neck. It's very thin, and the texture of the skin seems really delicate. I can sense the faint pulsing of her artery against my fingers. I feel like I'm holding Tomo's entire life in my hand.
I squeeze. Just a little.
"Yomi." she whispers.
"Hmm?"
"When was the last time we slept together like this?"
"Uh ... Chiyo-chan's summer house?"
"No I mean, like this. In the same bed; not on futons next to each other with all the others."
"Umm ... "
"The class trip at the end of elementary school."
"Oh yeah ... well it was Hell for me, anyway! You were moving around so violently in bed, I never could sleep; I promised I'd never sleep next to you again."
"And you snored."
"I did not. Besides, during summer vacation at Chiyo-chan's house you're always keeping everyone awake on purpose, so that you're the first to fall asleep, and then you wake us all up in the morning. Feh ... I want to sleep peacefully tonight."
"And I wanna sleep now."
She puts her arm above mine and grips my wrist, prying my hand away from her neck. But she's holding onto it.
"Hey, give my hand back!"
She has started to breathe softly and regularly. What on Earth? She's already asleep? Just like that? And she's still holding my wrist in a vice-like grip, pressing my hand against her chest. Damn, how am I going to sleep now? This is going to be very uncomfortable.
Although ... I feel as if a wave of relief has swept over me. And ... my stomach ! The muscles have actually relaxed! Oh my God, I can't believe how good it feels! Tomo's body is not as warm as the hot-water bottle, but her back is pressed against my belly and all the tension has been washed away.
Haaah! The feeling of relief that comes after pain is something wonderful. That's why they say that to really appreciate the pleasures of life, one has to experience pain and privations at least occasionally. It sure does feel great to eat after a particularly restrictive diet.
Hehe, this also reminds me of that European philosopher of old who asked his servants to wake him up at night, so that he could savor the feeling of falling asleep again ... with Tomo in my bed, I'll probably get woken up quite often; she's always moving around ...
... Yes, always jumping around with vibrant energy ... although she sure seems peaceful right now; there's just that small rise and fall of her body, as she's breathing softly. She seems so frail ... I wish I could see her face.
This is bliss. Those worries ... earlier, they seem so ... silly and distant now. I mean ... I kind of made up with Tomo tonight, didn't I? And who cares about graduation and parting ways and stuff? ... It's still far away ... and Tomo is here right now ...

A thin and elegant Chinese lady was strolling among the cherry tree-bordered alleys of the park. She was wearing an ankle-length, high-collared qipao dress with a plum-blossom pattern, and a matching long-sleeved jacket. Her pretty face was adorned with a cheerful smile; only a few wrinkles were visible around her nearly-closed eyes, and there were a few white strands in her short hair. She was walking in small steps, softly humming what sounded like a Chinese children song.
The alleys of the park, lit by the moonlight and a few sparse street lamps, seemed to be devoid of people, but the dainty woman didn't seem worried. After all, this district of Tokyo was known for the safety of its streets, even at night.
As she was walking along an aisle near the edge of the park, she noticed two expensive-looking cars parked on the side of the road. She left the aisle and stepped on the lawn in the direction of the vehicles. Eight men, clad in dark business suits, came towards her. They were all sharp-looking, with neatly-combed, slicked-back hair and impassive faces. Among them was an old man with a thin beard, dressed in more traditional Chinese robes. He seemed to be oozing malevolence, looking like an evil Chinese mastermind right out of an old black-and-white adventure movie.
"Good evening, gentlemen," spoke the lady in a soft sing-song voice, "are you waiting for someone in particular?"
The dangerous-looking men stared at her with emotionless eyes.
"Hmm, don't you think you are somewhat lacking in discretion? Maybe you should also wear badges saying 'Member of the Yellow Baboon Chinese Triad' ... "
"It is the Golden Spider Monkey Society, woman," replied the old man in a raspy voice.
"Yes, yes, my mistake; please forgive this absent-minded old woman, Mr Li. I should have remembered the name, as your little organization has been bearing a grudge against my father since the 1960's ... for some reason.
"Anyway, perhaps you should keep a lower profile; I doubt the local Japanese Yakuza would be very happy to know that a few foreign gangsters are waltzing all over their territory ...
"By the way, do you really think I didn't notice your spying on me for the last four days? ... Earlier today, you sent a text message on my student's cell phone under my name, asking her to come to the park for a late evening training session, right? I'd appreciate it if you didn't involve her in all this ... "
"The entire Wang School shall be destroyed," Mr Li spoke.
"But of course ... in that case, why don't you pay a visit to my father first? He must not be that difficult to find. I think he's playing 'Wise Old Taoist Master' somewhere on Mount Wudang. Or if you wish to start with an easier target, how about seeking my foolish ex-fiancé? He learned a few tricks from my father, so technically he belongs to the Wang School ... Right now, he's making Dollars by teaching 'ultimate street-proof self-defence' in America.
"Mr Li, I thought you were a wise man. If you behave impolitely towards my student, I might not be able to forgive you ... Besides, you should be careful when dealing with her. You know, she is a very sensitive person, and doesn't react well to ... turbulent situations. She might not show the same self-restraint and ... tact as myself."
The old man winced slightly.
" ... Although last time we met I should have remembered that a disruption of the chi flow has a more dire effect on the organs of a man of ... your age. I hope you didn't have too much trouble finding a kidney donor ... Why, how silly of me to ask, of course you found a donor, you are a Chinese Triad, after all."
Mr Li made a small gesture, and his men started to remove their jackets, shirts and ties, revealing tattooed, muscular bodies. A few weapons appeared in their hands; twin crescent blades, short butterfly swords, and tong-fa.
The bare-chested gangsters started to surround the frail-looking lady. They were advancing slowly, in wide, strong stances, muscles tensed, ready to leap into action. Those who were not carrying weapons had their hands in the shape of a hook, index finger outstretched.
"I see you have been teaching these new youngsters your incomparable Kung Fu, Mr Li ... What did you train them in, this time? Looks like the Northern Praying Mantis Style. Hmm, I remember it was White Crane last time, and before that ... err, Snake ... or was it Tiger? Fufufufu ... do you have to use up the entire menagerie before giving up?"
Miss Wang sighed. "Let's make it quick then; my student will be here soon, and I wouldn't want her to witness an unpleasant scene ... Oh, I see you kept your drivers waiting in the cars, just in case. Good thinking!"
"Kill her."
"One last thing, gentlemen; I must thank you for showing this lonely old woman your enticing, manly bodies ... with those rippling, well-defined muscles." Miss Wang didn't alter her neutral, relaxed posture, hands still folded inside her sleeves. However, her smile widened eerily and her eyes opened all the way, pupils shrinking to pinpoints. All of her sudden, her face looked incredibly menacing.
"Truly, you look like ... perfect pressure point dolls."

"KILL THEM! EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM! DIE! DIE!"
"Yukari, will you stop that ... why do you have to spend that much money in drinks, right after you receive your paycheck? And why do I have to carry you home afterward?"
"Ok, so nexssst time, you ... pay ... my drinksss."
"No way in Hell."
"Shut ups ... or I show eeeeveryone that love letter of yours ... Heehee."
"Not if I kill you first."
"That'll teach you ... and you think you're such a good ... teacher ... hee hee hee. Y'know, I still got it, that looove letter. I bet you wish you knew where I hid it, right?"
"Grrrrr."
"Bah! That stupid Sakurai-sempai! ... Still, I sure showed you when I sssnatched him away from you!"
"Yukari, if you want to live a long, healthy life, you'd better not mention that when you're sober ... "
"Hah! T'was all your fault anyway! I'm NOT petty and low and mean and stuff ... as you thhhinks ... YOU were the bad girl ... always you."
Minamo sighed sadly, not bothering to reply.
"Eeeeeverything I do is for your sake anyway, and you don't even buy me a few drinks to show your gratitude ... "
"Hmm, that sign says 'Minamoto Hospital, 300 metres'. Maybe I should carry you there ... in the state you're in ... "
"Nope, I wants MY bed. And I wants your Danish pillow. Hehehe ... "
"Whoa! ... Oh my God, those two cars nearly run us over! What on Earth? Looked like expensive foreign cars. Damn, who do they think they are, speeding like that in a residential area?"
"LUNATIC! MENACE! ... SSSPYCHOPATH! ROADHOG!"
"You're one to talk, Yukari ... "

Through Sakaki's eyes ...
Hmm, I wonder why Sensei asked me to meet her in the park so late in the evening. Although I know the neighborhood is safe, I feel a little afraid. I wish Tadakichi-san was here ...
Sensei's message said it was about training, but I hope the real reason isn't about the fight at school today ... Well, that can't be it; how could she have heard about it? Although a lot of people probably saw that big brawl in front of the gates ...
My God, what a mess. In the end, every one of them was called into the Principal's office ... Fortunately I wasn't called, although it was all my fault. However, someone might still tell the teachers what I did to Yamamoto-san.
I don't really understand what happened ... probably everyone told him about my violent tendencies, so Yamamoto-san thought I was a bad person who had offended him on purpose. Even though I'm only a girl, the fact that he challenged me to a fight really proves that I must seem like a monster to everyone; not a real girl.
(Sigh ... ) I'm really afraid of being called into the Principal's office, when he hears about what I have done. He looks so stern and intimidating ...
Anyway, it's rather unlikely that Wang-sensei knows about what happened, but I feel somewhat worried. I can't bear to imagine how angry she would be.
Ah, there she is! She's smiling; it's a good sign. Hmm, she's wiping her hands with a red silk handkerchief ...
"Good evening, Sakaki-chan! I'm so sorry I called you here so late!"
"Good evening, Sensei ... Ah! You have b ... blood on your hand!"
"Oh, that ... umm, well, I cut myself on the finger this morning while I was cooking. I'm so clumsy, hohoho! Looks like the cut has just reopened."
"Here, Sensei." I give her a band-aid.
"Why thank you! You sure are thoughtful!" She puts it quickly onto her finger.
"I always have some band-aids with me ... " I blush.
"Well, anyway, I have called you to ... show you some special shiatsu massage techniques. You know, the chi flow in the body is different according to the time of the day, and these particular techniques work best between 9 and 11 PM, when the Triple Warmer Meridian is at its peak. But ... apparently, the weather isn't good right now."
"The weather?"
"Yes ... the weather. The atmospheric pressure, you know; it also influences your chi. It is too low tonight. Um, let's not go to the park after all ... I'm really, really sorry for calling you here for nothing."
"Oh. Well, if it's because of the weather, then it can't be helped."
"Hmm, it's nearly 9:30. I suppose you have already eaten dinner, Sakaki-chan?"
"Well, no, actually. Since I thought we would be training, I didn't want to move with a full stomach."
"Really! Hmm, it's Saturday tomorrow, so you don't need to wake up early, right?"
"Um, no."
"Great! As an apology, I'll invite you to a nice little Chinese restaurant I know; it's still open at this hour. You must be hungry ... Do you like Chinese cuisine?"
"Um, well, yes, I do, but ... "
"Ah, you'll see, this restaurant serves genuine Chinese cuisine, not the tasteless stuff other restaurants usually feed uninformed customers. It's in the next district, but we can drive quickly there with my car. Don't worry, I'll give a call to your parents ... "
"Ah, um, thank you, Sensei ... "
"You'll like it very much, I'm sure ... Moreover, a few times, I saw a very cute cat there; maybe we'll see it tonight, if we're lucky ... "

Through Yomi's eyes ...
... Hmmhh ... wha? Oh, right, Tomo's here. In my bed. Ah, she's moving around. Just as I thought, she woke me up, 'cause she can't stay still ... even in her sleep.
Haah ... stop that! I'm lying on my back and I don't want her arms all over me. Hey, she's moving her head onto my chest? ... Stop it.
"Mmh ... Yomi. Gimmie that pillow."
Uhh? Pillow? Grrrr, is she calling me fat again? ... Oh, I gotta stop with that ... paranoia ... It's not like she'll insult me in her sleep or something!
Still, I put my hand on her head; I want to push it away. I can't sleep if there's that kind of weight on my chest.
... Well, it doesn't feel that heavy. If I synchronize my breathing with hers ... then it's ok. Hmmh ... her head is light, probably 'cause it's empty. Heehee ... empty head ... hehehe ... Her shampoo smells nice, like, umm, something ... Lavender? No ... what am I saying, it's some other flower, like ... hmm, I don't remember.
Oh? The hair ends are tickling my hand. Ah, that's right, her hair is short now ... But I think it's better when it's long and sticks out on the sides; it's funny ... although it's nice now too. Hmm ... so silky ...

Author's notes:

-- Qipao (or Cheongsam): the archetypal one-piece dress wore by Chinese women. Its simplicity highlights the natural beauty of the female figure; also, it usually has slits on the side in order to give a glimpse of the legs, and a high, tightly fit collar which flatters the slender neck. -- Tong-fa (also called tonfa or tuifa): weapons derived from farming implements; they are short sticks with perpendicular handles. They used to be popular in Okinawa. Nowadays, in a lot of countries, the police have adopted batons based on the tonfa design.
-- Twin crescent blades and butterfly swords: traditional Chinese short bladed weapons.

Chapter 10

[Author's notes:
Warning: Every time you read this chapter, Kami-sama kills a kitten...
]

Chapter 10: Sakaki vs the Guidance Counsellor from Hell, part 1
(Where Sakaki is deemed in need of disciplinary guidance ... )
Gotô-sensei, vice-principal in charge of the high school, was walking down the hall towards the teacher's room in his usual dignified gait. The students he passed bowed respectfully before him. It brought a feeling of satisfaction to the stern, gray-haired, bespectacled man.
Truly, his main goal in life had always been to provide the best learning environment possible for the youth of this beautiful Nation. Yes, he was proud of his achievements, having contributed to shaping this establishment into the very model of a proper Japanese school.
... Although recently his dream had been somewhat tarnished by the inclusion among the student body of disrespectful, violent, and above all irredeemable elements. Unfortunately, it had been unavoidable, because of the orders issued by the new Minister of Education himself. The scandal about the bad state of public school facilities, revealed by the last earthquake, had urged the Department of Education to quickly find a place for the students whose school had collapsed.
However, now that the public uproar had died down, Gotô-sensei had been able to ... take appropriate measures, without too much trouble. That big brawl in front of the school gates had given him an excellent opportunity for organising a mass expulsion.
Hopefully, the news of that incident hadn't spread too much, for it might put a stain on the reputation of the school. All the more a reason of getting rid of those rotten elements ... this establishment was an elite school, not a haven for idiotic and violent delinquents. Yes, let that Cromartie punk school deal with the riff-raff. They were beyond reforming anyway.
Gotô-sensei absently touched his chin, remembering the knock-out punch he had received by that crazy blond student he had scolded for his appalling and ridiculous appearance.
The dignified teacher noticed a tall, slim figure walking down the hall in the opposite direction. He frowned. Gotô-sensei was a man of tall stature, and it irritated him somewhat to see a female student taller that him. However, right now, the main cause of his uneasiness was the series of rumours and stories about that girl ... unfortunately there was no tangible proof of her misbehaving; there were no witnesses who were willing to testify.
Although most of the bad elements had been weeded out, the proclivity for unruliness had obviously taken root inside that girl, and, under her influence, threatened to spread among the student body once again. Yes, disciplinary measures would have to be undertaken soon ...
As she passed him, the tall girl bowed deeply. He frowned.
All of a sudden, she leaped forward, and faster than the eye could see, thrust her hand towards his face. Although she didn't touch him, he felt a sharp air wave brush his cheek. Pale and eyes wide, he leaned his back against the wall, and glanced at the closed fist a few centimeters next to his face.
"This is dangerous ... it could have hurt you, Sensei." said the tall girl quietly.
"How ... how dare she thr ... threaten me like that?" thought the shaken Vice-principal. He opened his mouth to shout at her, but closed it immediately and broke in a cold sweat as he looked at her face. He saw her tense up suddenly, eyes widening, pupils shrinking menacingly. Her mouth parted slightly, and he noticed her gritting her teeth.
Then she lowered her head, frowning and pinching her lips. She took a step back.
"Please excuse me ... Sensei. Have ... a nice day," she spoke in a somewhat hoarse tone of voice. She then bowed briskly, and walked away in long strides.
Gotô-sensei found his breath again; he headed quickly in the direction of the teacher's room, glancing back once or twice, trying not to seem too much in a hurry.

Kaorin was coming out her classroom when she noticed Sakaki running towards a window and thrusting it open; she had a pained expression on her face.
"Ah! S ... Sakaki-san! What's the matter, what happened to you?"
" ... Aaah ... Itai ... " the tall girl stretched her arm outside the window and opened her hand. A very large wasp flew out.
"Oh my God! Sakaki-san, your ... your hand! You were stung by that hornet right on the palm! Uwaaa! It must be incredibly painful ... quick! We have to get you to the infirmary!"
"A ... aa ... "
"But why did you catch it in your hand, Sakaki-san?"
"It ... it was about to sting someone on the face."
"On ... on the face? How dangerous! People shouldn't forget to close the windows during the Summer! Dangerous insects may fly in! Wait, it ... it wasn't one of those Japanese Giant Hornets, was it? Their venom is extremely dangerous ... I ... I've heard it can dissolve human tissue!"
"Itai!"
"Aaaah! Sakaki-san! It's swelling! You ... might be allergic to the venom! Oh my God, you ... you might ... you might DIE! Nooooo! Sakaki-san! P ... please, hurryyyy! Aaaaah!" Kaorin broke into a panicked run, dragging her tall friend with her.
"I ... I'm alright, don't worry! It was not a big hornet."
Having rushed down all three flights of stairs, the two girls finally arrived at the infirmary. However, they noticed that the room was empty; the nurse was nowhere in sight. Kaorin started to break down in hysterics.
"AAAAAHHHH! The nurse is not here! No! No! No! No! No! What should we do?"
The now sobbing girl clutched Sakaki's arm and rested her forehead against her shoulder. "Oh God ... Sakaki-san ... don't die, I beg you! (sniff, sniff) I still haven't ... (sniff) You're my only ... (sniff) It can't be so!"
"Oh, p ... please don't cry! It's not that bad, it's just a ... "
"Sakaki-san! Give me your hand! I ... I'll suck the poison out!"
"Umm, I don't think it will ... "
"Don't worry about me ... I ... I don't care if I die from the poison myself!"
The smaller girl grasped her former classmate's hand and pressed her lips to her palm ...
"What on Earth are you two doing here? Take it somewhere else!" said the nurse who had just entered the room. She was holding a can of iced tea she had just bought at the cafeteria.
"Aaah! Miss Nurse! Please help! I ... I mean I wasn't ... Aaah! It's dangerous and ... the poison! Aaaaaaah!"
"I was stung by a hornet."
"Oh."

"This cannot go on!" proclaimed the Vice-principal, slamming his palms on the table. "That wave of bad behavior and delinquency spreading among the student body has to be stopped!"
The teachers sitting around the meeting table stared at him blankly.
"Um, Gotô-sensei," said Yukari, "haven't we got rid of all the 'bad elements' already? I mean we just made a group expulsion and shipped the 'punk students' to that weirdo school ... what was the name again? Cromartie, I think ... Anyway, everything is back in order now; I don't really see the need for this meeting, Gotô-sensei ... can we go home now?"
The stern man sighed. "Tanizaki-sensei, you don't seem to realize how deep the roots of evil behavior have dug into this school. These roots have to be extirpated! Not every agitator has been dealt with yet. There is still ... a certain student who has managed to elude our scrutiny ... she has been encouraging violent behavior with impunity!"
"She? Gotô-sensei! You don't mean ... Sakaki-chan?" exclaimed Kurosawa Minamo, who was sitting next to her best friend Yukari.
"Exactly! That ... girl has been terrorizing students since the beginning of the school year! She was obviously the ringleader, and has been acting from behind the scenes, spreading chaos. I happen to know she was involved in countless violent incidents; she sent several students to the hospital with grievous injuries! But every time no one dared to testify against her!"
"Bah, don't listen to those stupid rumours, Gotô-sensei. I know Sakaki quite well, she's a sweet girl; basically harmless."
"How would you know, Tanizaki-sensei? It is quite obvious she has been the instigator of all the indiscipline and disrespectful behavior ... "
"Heh, 'behaviour' must be his favourite word," whispered Yukari to her best friend. "He has always been droning about 'behavior this' and 'behavior that', ever since we were students in this school."
" ... How would I know, you say, Gotô-sensei?" said Yukari out loud. "Well ... maybe because I've been her homeroom teacher for more than two years? I assure you, she's a model student, and her ... behavior is nothing but exemplary."
"Hmpf, Tanizaki-sensei, you are still young; you still don't have much experience in judging characters. The most unruly and wicked students sometimes hide behind a facade of seemingly good behavior ... Besides, I find that your own behavior as a teacher is lacking, in terms of enforcing proper discipline and developing a healthy learning atmosphere in class. Yesterday, I caught you again discussing with some of your female students which boys you don't like. This is quite an unseemly behavior for a teacher. You haven't changed since you were a student."
"Feh."
"Um ... I ... I must second Tanizaki-sensei," said Minamo shyly. "Sakaki-chan has one of the best student records in her class, along with Mihama Chiyo and Mizuhara Koyomi."
"As for you, Kurosawa-sensei, no offense, but as a Physical Education teacher, you're not really qualified to evaluate or judge a student's character ... you can't really grasp the big picture of a student's way of thinking."
"Are you going to let him say something like that to you, Nyamo?" whispered Yukari angrily.
"Well, um, I ... "
"Anyway," said Gotô-sensei in a pontificating tone, "when you've worked in a school as long as I have, you become used to discerning the true essence of a student with one glance. To me, it is obvious that this girl is dangerous. I mean, what kind of girl would become head of a juvenile delinquent gang? She beat up several dangerous delinquents with her own hands and established herself as their leader! This is completely unnatural! ... What kind of girl would be able to, let alone want to do such things, going against the natural order of things? I mean ... a young girl for God's sake! What is today's youth coming to? What kind of reputation is that going to bring to our school? And ... have you seen her eyes? They look ... crazy and murderous! I can't let her continue to terrorize the student population like that!"
"Hmpf, looks like he's the one who's terrified," whispered Yukari to her friend. "I heard she stared him down in the hall this morning ... and before that he was totally afraid of those Yanki punks, ever since that Yamamoto freak punched him in the face. Keh! He's always acting so high and mighty, but he's just a coward."
"What was that, Tanizaki-sensei?"
"Oh, nothing, I was just telling Kurosawa-sensei that you might be blowing things a little out of proportion. What do you think, Kimura-sensei?"
On the other side of the table, the lanky man adjusted his glasses, making them glint eerily.
"Aaaah ... Sakaki-chan ... a very nice and healthy girl indeed."
"See, even Kimura-sensei agrees! And as a literature teacher, he must be a good judge of character, right?"
"When it comes to ... female students, Kimura-sensei might be a little too ... indulgent."
"Right ... so basically, you are telling us that you're going to try to have her expelled?" asked Yukari. "Is that why you brought that person here?" she added, pointing rudely to the man sitting next to the principal.
"Ahem ... 'that person' is Muraki-sensei, a special Guidance Counsellor, who visits various schools for short periods of time. He was dispatched from the Board of Education at my request. He's an expert in the ... rehabilitation of rambunctious students."
"My name is Muraki Makoto; I am pleased to meet you all," said Muraki-sensei with a smile, standing up and bowing. He was a tall, wiry man in his late twenties. He had short, neatly-combed jet-black hair and a hatchet face, with high cheekbones and small, slit eyes. His eyebrows were droopy, but instead of making him look sad or innocuous, it gave his face a hint of cruelty.
"I see, you are one of these so-called re-educators. So, basically, your job is to pummel thugs that are deemed beyond saving , until they submit to authority, right?"
"Hehehe ... I wouldn't put it exactly that way ... Tanizaki-sensei, was it? But it is true that sometimes ... firmer methods have to be employed with some misguided students, in order to ... nudge them back on the right track."
"You have evil eyes, Mister Counsellor ... you used to be a violent punk yourself when you were young, right?"
"You've found me out," chuckled the malicious-looking man; "you're quite perceptive, Tanizaki-sensei. It is true I was a rather ... turbulent student myself. When I was younger, I got into more fights than you can count. Thanks to that, I've become quite adept at understanding the psychology of juvenile delinquents. Also, it helps me not to let myself be ... intimidated by violence."
"Yes, yes, that's all very impressive. Obviously, you've made the right choice of career with the talents you have ... too bad they sent you too late. We don't have anymore delinquents to reform here. Looks like you're not needed after all. Maybe you could make yourself useful by helping the students clean up their homerooms after class, instead? It would give you the opportunity to learn also a few things about normal students ... "
"Tanizaki-sensei! I must ask you to be more polite! Please treat Muraki-sensei with the respect he deserves!"
"That's exactly what I'm doing, Gotô-sensei. Listen, Muraki ... sensei, I'm asking you respectfully to stay away from my students; I'll keep them in line myself, thank you very much."
"Tanizaki-sensei! That Sakaki girl must ... "
"Gotô-sensei! Please stop worrying, I'll take responsibility myself for whatever Sakaki says or does. That ... person is not needed here."
"That will be enough, Tanizaki-sensei! Now, Muraki-sensei, I'm leaving the methods up to you, whether you feel necessary to use force or ... "
"Don't worry, sir, allow me to handle this matter. I will have this ... young lady corrected and straightened out soon."

Through Sakaki's eyes ...
Computers are so difficult to use ... I feel paralyzed when I'm sitting in front of a screen. I always hesitate for five minutes before clicking on a button, hoping that it won't do something unexpected. I don't want to mess up the computers of our school's library.
It must be true that girls are bad with computers and machines ... or maybe it's just me. I just don't understand how it works. I mean what's the difference between the Internet and the Operating System? I can't differentiate between what's on the Internet, and what's on the computer. Also, why do those websites all look different? The buttons, and menus are always in different places; and I never can find my way inside them. I always end up opening windows with things inside it that have absolutely no relevance with what I'm searching for.
No matter how many times Chiyo-chan explains it to me, I forget everything. She's really patient ... somebody else would have already yelled at me or slapped me for my incompetence.
Anyway, I think I remember what she showed me. Right. I have already opened the browser ... although I seem to have opened two windows instead of one. Should I close one? But what if it does something wrong? I think closing things without the proper procedure can be dangerous for a computer ... what if I damage the contents of the computer and lose important data? I might get punished ... or even expelled!
All right, let's stay calm; I think I'll use the first window and ignore the other one in the background. I'll type the address of the Boogle search engine ... although Chiyo-chan told me I can use the favorites menu ... but ... I don't get it, how does the computer understand what my favorite sites are, as opposed to someone else's? ... I think I'd better stick to the first procedure ... Ah! Wait! There's also a Boogle toolbar at the top of that window! Wh ... which one should I use?
(Sigh ... ) all I wanted to do is find some information on the Iriomotejima island. Our trip to Okinawa is next week, and it would be great if we could visit that particular island ... Each group can choose among several interesting tourist spots, but we won't have time to see them all. I hope I'll be able to convince my friends to select that particular destination. I really want to see an Iriomote wildcat ... even though I know sightings are very rare. Maybe we'll get lucky?
Speaking of cats, and luck, I'm very happy I was able to see that incredibly cute cat when I went dining at the Chinese restaurant with Wang-sensei, the other day. Mrs Ko, the sweet old lady who owns the restaurant, and who seem to know my sensei quite well, told me it's a rare breed of Birman cat. Still, it looked quite unique; I've never seen fur of that colour ... I mean, a lavender cat? Too bad it scratched me so hard when I tried to pet it. It hurt even more than with Kamineko.
Anyway, everything was really delicious ... now I understand why Sensei said that food served in most Chinese restaurants is not the real thing. Still, Mrs Ko shouldn't be straining herself working so much at her age; her grandchildren should help her more, and be more caring towards their elders. She seemed very tired and even accidentally dropped her pan with the food right in front of me. Fortunately I was able to catch the bowls and plates without spilling anything. I even managed to stop a plate on my foot. Looks like Wang-sensei was right by teaching me how to be more dexterous with my legs!
(Sigh ... ) being dexterous isn't going to help me with that computer! I've got to make a decision!
I think the best course of action would be to type manually the address of the search engine. All right ... w ... w ... w ... Hmm, where is the dot? Ah, here! B ... o ... o ... g ... l ... e ... dot ... ow!
My hand still hurts from this morning ... Thank God it was only a big wasp, and not one of these giant Japanese hornets Kaori-san was talking about.
I admit I was rather scared, although I tried not to show it; poor Kaori-san was already enough shaken as it is. What a sensitive girl! It was nice of her to show so much concern for me ... I was under the impression that ever since she was put in another class, she was avoiding me for some reason; but I must have been imagining it.
Still, her reaction was rather extreme. Maybe she was stung by a big hornet when she was little? I can't even imagine how painful it must be ... with that small one it already felt as if a red-hot needle was run through my palm! If I had known, maybe I wouldn't have caught it in my hand. But still, I couldn't let it sting the Vice-principal on the face.
And even though it's a rather scary insect, I couldn't crush it in my hand either. It's not an evil creature, it's just doing what it has to do to survive ...
"Sakaki-chan, here you are!" says a soft voice.
Ah! It's Ayumu-chan! Maybe she can help me with my computer problems?
"I knew I would find you inside the library, Sakaki-chan. Don't forget, tonight we're all invited at Chiyo-chan's house so that we can discuss what locations to visit during the trip to Okinawa. Hehehe, Chiyo-chan seems so happy about it , it seems like she could fly away to the clouds at any moment ... Haaah, I wish I could fly ... "
"Um ... so do I. It would be nice."
"Wouldn't it, wouldn't it? I'm happy you think so too. Hmm ... "
Ayumu-chan puts both hands in my hair, on both sides of my head, and gently lifts two handfuls of my long tresses. Eh? Why is she doing this?
"Hmm, yes, it would be rather awe-inspiring ... like a great albatross ... hehehe, so nice ... " She seems to be gazing at something in the distance and smiles dreamily.
Ayumu-chan is so sweet. Sometimes it seems she is able to enjoy everything around her and find happiness no matter what happens. Nothing seems to phase her; she's not full of worries like me. She wouldn't need to train in Tai Chi Chuan all day to be at peace with the universe.
Some people find her slow and dim-witted, but they couldn't be further from the truth. If you really listen to what she says, you'll find there's often a hidden wisdom behind her words. Also, she is gifted with such a wonderful imagination. Sometimes I wish I could visit her dreamlands in her company ... instead of being lost in those nightmares I've been having lately.
And she looks so frail and weak, you really have the urge to protect her ... If I looked more like Ayumu-chan, maybe I'd be the one who people feel like to protect. My friends, especially Chiyo-chan, seem to rely on me because I'm big and I look strong; but it makes me feel ill at ease.
Of course I'd do anything to keep them from harm, but I don't feel up to the task ... I'm just a girl anyway ... although I do have these strange wild and violent reactions sometimes when I feel danger; but I can't really control them, and it does more harm than good.
Shielding the weak ... it would be better left to a strong person with a good heart, somebody like ... a prince ... like in fairytales. It would be nice to be protected by someone like that; although it sounds a little silly, coming from me. And I can't really picture who I'd like to really rely on ... boys scare me somewhat; I don't understand them.
"What are you thinking about, Sakaki-chan? Tell me ... " Ayumu-chan is still holding up my hair and is looking at me, smiling sweetly. I blush.
"Ah, um ... I mean, that is ... Iriomote wildcats!"
"Ah! Sô Ya! You're searching information on the Internet, right? I know about the Internet. Recently, I have mastered the °I.T.°!"
"°I.T.°?"
"That's right! The °Internet Techniques°!"
"R ... really? Is that what °I.T.° meant?"
"Absolutely. You know the Internet is made of millions of computers connected together, right?" Ayumu-chan sounds serious now, and she frowns a little; she usually has that look when she's explaining something important. It doesn't look like it, but she knows a lot of things. I'd better listen carefully.
"Ah, is that so?"
"Yes, and it's sort of like ... a brain, right? We also have a lot of cells connected in our brain, don't we?" she says, pointing at her head.
"Hmm, yes, now that you mention it, it's quite similar ... "
"And wouldn't it mean that the Internet is somehow ... alive? Maybe It has a soul!"
"A soul? You mean like those ... special objects, who have a soul of their own?" I blush a little, thinking of my beloved stuffed animals.
"Yes, one could even say that every object or machine has a soul ... and if it is true, then the soul of the Internet must be incredibly vast and complex!"
"Aa. Indeed, now that you put it that way ... all those computers connected together ... "
"And ... as a living being, wouldn't It have feelings, too?"
"Feelings?"
"One shouldn't treat It too casually, right? Millions of people are always asking things from the Internet, but how many of them give It at least a small word of thanks?"
"Well ... "
"Some people even get frustrated and yell at It, and insult It ... Isn't that a little mean?"
"E ... eh?"
"Yes, no wonder It becomes reluctant sometimes, and takes so much time loading the data ... And when It really gets offended, It might even summon a swarm of Popuppu!"
"Popuppu? Is it a ... bad thing?" I think it sounds cute, like a name one could give to a stuffed animal.
Ayumu-chan nods gravely. "Believe me, Sakaki-chan ... it is."
"Ah?"
"But you've got to understand Its feelings ... probably the Internet feels sad of being mistreated, even though It is doing Its best to serve!"
"Serve? Is that what they mean by server?"
"Ah, so Sakaki-chan knows about the Internet too!"
"N ... no, just a few words Chiyo-chan told me about."
"Yes, the Internet is very nice to Chiyo-chan; that's because she is so friendly and cute ... ehehe!"
"Do ... do you think I have I been treating It too lightly? Is there a way to tell what Its mood is?"
"Hmm, that's something you've got to feel. For example you can observe the flickering of the diodes, but there are many other signs ... You acquire this skill with experience."
"Eh? Is that so?"
"But the most important thing when you invite It on your computer is to be polite, and make It feel at home."
"Hmm, yes, it all makes sense ... Ano ... Could you, maybe, that is, um ... help me ... to search?"
"Ah! Of course! Hehe, cute mountain cats, right? Here, I'll type Iriomote, and now ... "
She closes her eyes and brings her hands together, clapping them twice. Is she praying? Hmm, that's right! It's like asking a favour from the Kami of computers. Ayumu-chan would make a good shrine maiden; she probably has a very developed spiritual sense ... and she would look cute in miko robes.
"Right, and now, Sakaki-chan, since It seems in good spirits today, I'll use the I'm Feeling Lucky button."
"Really?"
"Yes, that's the button you can use when you feel the Internet is favorable ... Ah! Look what we've got! The Iriomote Yamaneko Love website! A site about the wildcats of Iriomotejima island! Oh, how nice!"
Oh my God, they are sooo cute! Aaaah, I want one! Ayumu-chan sure is good with computers. It never works with me. The Internet can probably sense that I'm not a friendly person. It's probably the same reason why cats hate me ...
"Ehehehe ... you like kittens, don't you Sakaki-chan?" Ayumu-chan says, tilting her head on the side and looking at me kindly.
"Ah, um ... yes, a little."
"Let me show you something nice. Do you see this image search button? All you have to do is type what you'd like to see, and it will show you many pictures! Here, let's type kitten, and ... "
Oh my God, so ... so many beautiful pictures! I hide my face in my hands, feeling that hot wave of shivers overpowering me again.
"Hehe, I'll let you enjoy your kitten pictures, Sakaki-chan, I'll be waiting for you in the classroom with the others. Don't forget, we'll go to Chiyo-chan's house in about half-an-hour!"
She walks towards the exit of the library, turning to wave at me once. Did she notice I was embarrassed and wanted to be alone for a little while? That's quite nice of her ...
Hmm, what cute pictures! Let's see ... aaah! A kitten sleeping on a cushion! Oh, and here, a whole bunch of kittens in a basket! ... Eh? Here is a kitten holding a miniature scoped rifle? It looks ... strangely cute.
Oh my God! That one picture is absolutely adorable! It's a small kitten, photographed in mid-leap while it's running in the grass. It looks like as if it's chased by two Domo-kun creatures. Hee hee, it's so funny! Hmm, there's something written in English. Let's see ... "

Yukari was stomping angrily towards the school gates; as she passed near the car parking, she heard the voice of her long-time friend calling her.
"Yukari! Wait!"
"What is it, Nyamo?"
"Umm ... would you like me to drive you home?"
"Hm? Well, my bike's broken again, so why not ... it's better that riding the bus."
" ... Say, Yukari ... " Minamo smiled softly at her friend.
"What?"
"Yukari ... you do care for your students after all, don't you?"
"Wh ... what the Hell? What are you babbling about? D ... don't go all emotional on me like that! I just don't want to lose the next athletic festival, that's all. I need Sakaki here."
" ... "
"Anyway, what was the matter with your indecisive and pathetic attitude during that stupid meeting, you wishy-washy woman? No wonder you can never find a husband! I bet that guy during your Omiai found you boring!"
"What! What's with you? How can you say ... "
"Hah! Looks like that Gotô-sensei wimp is right after all; you are a stupid and ignorant P.E. teacher! If you like people treading on your toes like that, then fine, it's your choice!"
"Grrrr ... Yukari I'm going to -- "
"What? You've got something to say? You wanna lecture me, Miss 'I write a love letter to my best friend, but the next day I decide I like guys after all, because some punk from another school asks me out' ... Well?"
Minamo looked around in panic, and dragged Yukari behind her car.
"Yukari!" she hissed, "wh ... why are you mentioning that all of a sudden? What's gotten into you? I thought we had put that behind us ... grrrr ... aaargh! Besides, in the end, you ... you were the one who took Sakurai-sempai away from me! I did forgive you that time, because, well ... but -- "
"Forgive? Hahaha! That's a good one. You should have thanked me! That stupid punk ... he came running to me as soon as I said I'd sleep with him!"
"Wha ... you did ... you ... the ... H ... how dare you!"
"Heh, you should have seen his face when I dumped him right in the middle of the first date ... Of course, as for you, you didn't learn your lesson and got into your other ... ero-ero relationships. And we both know how they ended. Hah! When are you gonna learn that men just want one thing from you?"
"Y ... you! Are you saying that I'm some ... some -- "
"Well, anyway, who am I to question your life choices, hahaha! What you do with boys OR girls, it's your choice ... But, don't worry, I forgave you too. It's not like I cared about it or nothing. I'm gonna marry into money anyway, you'll see! Since I'm a sophisticated and cultured English teacher."
"Y ... Yukari ... Why now? I -- "
"Ah, Tanizaki-sensei, Kurosawa-sensei ... have a nice afternoon!" Muraki, the guidance counselor, appeared from behind a car and nodded to the two women with a seemingly friendly smile.
"Oh, it's you ... Wait a minute! Were you eavesdropping on us?" asked Yukari angrily.
"Oh, not at all. I was just getting to my car," replied the wiry man, pointing to a black car behind Minamo's own blue one.
"How much did you hear? You'd better keep your mouth shut or I ... "
Behind Yukari, Minamo waved her arms about with a panicked expression on her face.
"Oh I didn't hear anything, you needn't worry. Besides, it's not like you would be talking about anything ... compromising , right here in the open, would you? Also, if any ... false and indecent rumors were spread about you two, you wouldn't care about it at all, would you, Tanizaki-sensei?"
"Pah! Of course not! I don't care about what people say."
"And as for you, Kurosawa-sensei, you seem like a very sincere and honest person. If those ... false and indecent rumors about your private life were spread, no one among your colleagues and superiors would believe them, because you would refute them frankly, wouldn't you?"
"Well, I ... that is ... " Minamo, already shaken by Yukari's outburst earlier, was now looking on the verge of tears.
"You ... you bastard! If you dare to do that to h ... If you dare to blab anything to the Vice-principal, I'll kill you, you hear me?"
"No, no, no, no! You're completely mistaken! I would do nothing of the sort! I was just speaking hypothetically ... By the way, Tanizaki-sensei, I'm sure you won't mind if I have a little conversation with your student tomorrow ... Sakaki-chan, was it?"
"Why you ... " Yukari seethed, as the counselor, still smiling, got into his car.
"See you tomorrow, Tanizaki-sensei, Kurosawa-sensei."
As the black car was driving away, Yukari glanced back to her crestfallen friend.
"What? You've got something to say? ... Hmpf, I'll go home on foot. I need the exercise anyway."
Minamo watched sadly as Yukari marched away.
"Yukari ... "

"Hey Sakaki, what are you doing? It's time for us to go to Chiyo-chan's house!" called Kagura, walking up to her tall classmate, who was sitting in front of one the computers of the school library.
"Sakaki? Hey, Sakaki! Come back to Earth! ... What the? Looks like she has turned into a stone statue ... " The young athlete waved her hand a few times in front of the petrified girl's face.
"A picture? Oh, it's just a kitten. What's with you and those cats anyway? Hmm, what's written here? Oh, English ... ah, um, err ... Ev ... evu ... evurii ... um, t ... taimu ... yuu -- "
(RIIIIP!)
"Uwaaa! ... Errr, Sakaki, I don't think pulling out the power cable is the proper way to turn off a computer ... "

Author's notes:
-- Kami: a spirit or deity. According to Shintoism (the ancient animist faith of Japan), any important place, object, animal, natural phenomenon, or person can become a Kami. There are a near-infinite number of Kami, of varying importance, power, and benevolence. It is considered that an object used for more than a hundred years acquires a Kami. There are many shrines throughout Japan dedicated to the worship of Kami
-- Miko: a shrine maiden. In ancient times -- and to this day in some rural areas -- a miko was considered a shaman, able to enter a trance through ritual dances and be possessed by the Kami, who would deliver their messages through her.
Nowadays, in modern state-sponsored Shinto, which is mostly dedicated to the cult of the Emperor, a miko usually assists with shrine functions, attends shrine shops, and sometimes performs ceremonial dances. Miko aren't Shinto priests, although women can become priests.
A miko's traditional costume usually consists in a red hakama (wide pleated skirt, divided or undivided) and a chihaya, a white kimono shirt with long, swinging sleeves.
-- By the way, there is a Ranma ½ reference somewhere in this chapter ...

Chapter 11

[Author's notes:
Warning: This chapter contains outrageous American Martial Arts Marketing! American readers, please don't be offended ... Read at the bottom for details.
Reminder: when you read °something like that° it means that a character is speaking in another language than Japanese (English, Chinese ... ).
]

Chapter 11: Sakaki vs the Guidance Counsellor from Hell, part 2
(Where Osaka is unmasked as a KGB spy ... )
"Hahahahaha!" Yomi's laughter echoed through the cafeteria.
"Yomi-chan! Hic. That was cruel! Hic."
"I can't believe you fell for it! Hahahaha!"
"But, giving Osaka-san the Super-Hot and Spicy sauce bottle when she asked for the soy sauce ... isn't that a little mean, Yomi-san?"
"Hic."
"Hehehe ... but Chiyo-chan, it was so funny! She didn't even notice!"
"Hic. Both bottles are the same color. Hic."
"You've become quite the prankster, Yomi ... " said Kagura, bemused. "Just yesterday at Chiyo-chan's house, you stole Tomo's cake and gave it to Tadakichi-san; then you tried to convince Chiyo-chan that Okinawa is inhabited by 'Osage-yôkai', demons who steal little girl's pigtails at night. What's gotten into you lately?"
"Hmm? Oh, I don't know, I've just been in a good mood, lately. Heehee ... "
"Hic."
"Well you sure have been full of energy ever since you recovered from your sickness ... And what about you, Tomo? You've been rather quiet lately, that's even weirder! Not that I'm complaining ... "
Tomo had propped both elbows upon the table and was resting her cheeks in her hands. She had been watching the antics of her childhood friend with a soft smile on her face.
"Hmm? Oh, Kagura ... don't worry, I'll get my energy back soon enough. Hehehe, you'd better watch out ... "
"Oh my -- hic -- God! Someth--hic has caused Tomo and -- hic -- Yomi to exchange their personalit--hic!"
"Eeeeh?" Everyone around the table stared at the two girls, who looked at each other and blinked.
"Did you both -- hic -- eat some strange curry -- hic?"
"Umm, what does curry have to do with anything, Osaka-san?" asked Chiyo.
"Anyway, look what you've done, Yomi, now you've given Osaka the hiccups again!" sighed Kagura. "It will be a hassle to get her back to normal. Hmm, what was it again? First, a punch to the solar plexus, right? Hey, you do it, Sakaki! It will be more effective!"
"H ... h ... hic?"
"Umm, I think I know a better method. Here ... "
Sakaki took the hiccuping girl's thin forearms in her hands and gently pressed her thumbs against the insides of the wrists, for about a minute. Then she applied the same amount of pressure with her middle fingers to her friend's torso, just below her small chest.
"Haaah ... I feel better now."
"Eh? Osaka-san, your hiccups have stopped!" said Chiyo in wonder.
"Whoa! Amazing, Sakaki!" exclaimed Kagura. "Not only do you know how to throw chi attacks, but you also know how to heal by the laying of the hands!"
"Um, no; it's just a little shiatsu technique."
"Ooh, I see; pressure points!"
"Say, Osaka," asked Tomo, snapping out of her reverie suddenly, "didn't you know about that technique?"
"Hmm ... no, I didn't know about that method to stop hiccups. Where did you learn it, Sakaki-chan?"
"My Tai Chi sensei taught it to me ... it's also supposed to help when you're carsick."
"C ... car?"
"Calm down, Chiyo-chan!" chuckled Tomo, patting her little friend on the head. " ... But I'm surprised you didn't know about that, Osaka; I thought you were an expert on pressure points."
"Well, I have learned a lot of things about pressure points in my book, but ... not much about healing, unfortunately."
"A book? What kind of book?" asked Yomi.
"Well, I had wanted to buy a book to learn more about shiatsu, self-healing and such, because I thought it could be useful to know a few things about it ... however, it seems I made some sort of mistake ... "
"Mistake?"
"Yes, my book doesn't say much about the healing side of things ... wait, I'll show it to you." Osaka opened her schoolbag and fished out a black paperback book which displayed a human skull on the cover, with pressure points highlighted. Just with one glance, one could tell that the print quality was quite low.
"Eh? But it's in English," remarked Yomi; "why on Earth have you bought an English book on pressure points? They are probably hundreds of much better books in Japanese on that subject!"
"Actually, a few months ago, I tried to order a shiatsu book on the Internet. But at that time I still hadn't mastered all the °Internet Techniques°, like I have now. So I probably made a little mistake when searching for the right website ... well, in the end, I received this."
" ... "
"At least, thanks to it, my American English skills got better. Did you know I got a 78 on Yukari-chan's last test?"
"Lemme see," said Tomo, snatching the book. "Hmm ... I don't understand anything. Chiyo-chan! You're our resident genius, translate this for us!"
"Um, all right ... the title says:
'The Death Dealer's AMERICAN DIM MAK Compendium
Learn Today The Real World Combat Skills You Need To Survive In The Merciless Urban Jungle,
by Master Bob E. Braddock, PhD.' ... wh ... what is this, Osaka-san?"
"Hey! Isn't that a book on martial arts?" asked Kagura.
"That's right," said Osaka, gravely. "Dim Mak is the dreaded art of Death Touch."
"So this book tells you how to kill instead of how to heal?" said Tomo. "Wow, cool! Go on, Chiyo-chan, translate the summary on the back cover for us!"
"Um, do we have the time for this?"
"Of course; don't you know Yukari-chan is absent today? We've got plenty of time until P.E., later this afternoon."
"Oh? Is Yukari-sensei ill?"
"I don't know; we'll have to ask Nyamo-chan. Anyway, go on, read! Show us your incredible genius translation skills!"
"Umm, all right, let's see ... it reads:
'Carjacked ... Beaten ... Assaulted ... WORSE!
She's your girlfriend. Your wife. Your daughter. Your sister. Your mother.
She's a woman in danger.
AND HER SAFETY IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A MAN! ' ... Dear Friend and Fellow Warrior,
'We live in a violent world ... This ain't the 1950's anymore! In most neighborhoods RIGHT HERE IN THE UNITED STATES, the DANGER of being attacked, beaten, stabbed, strangled, mugged, robbed, shot to death, tortured, or WORSE ... Is Higher Than In The War-Torn Countries You See On The News! Crime is so out of control that murders and child abductions don't even make the news anymore --because the GOVERNMENT is afraid of you knowing the truth!
'People just like you are being watched and stalked every day by grinning, drooling psychopaths and morally-bankrupt, godless street-gang criminals, high on crack, methamphetamine, and steroids ... And remember, it's not just you who's in danger, but also your wife or your girlfriend ... your mother ... your children ... ' "

" ... "
" ... "
" ... "
"A ... anô, Wh ... what does it all mean, Osaka-san?" asked the somewhat shaken little girl.
"Hmm, it means that America is a very scary place, indeed! Are you sure you want to go study there, Chiyo-chan?"
"A ... Auuuuu!"
"Hey, go on, Chiyo-suke, it's getting interesting! Go on, go on!"
Chiyo continued reading in a small, trembling voice. "Err ... umm ... then it says:
' ... Most American males have forgotten how to be men. Your most important job is to protect the people who depend on you. 'Maybe you know a little hand-to-hand self-defense. Maybe you even trained extensively for years in a mainstream martial arts style (Karate, Kung-fu, you name it ... ) Maybe you think you're strong ... Maybe you think you and your loved ones are safe ... well, let me tell you something: you are wrong!
'You need to hear this: Almost ALL those super-hyped martial arts are ... Pure Over-Rated Garbage! Most martial art styles have rules, religious mumbo-jumbo, bowing, fancy rituals, or wearing sissy pyjamas ... The real world of streetfighting has no rules! You will get maimed or killed if you attempt to use any fancy stuff against a psychotic mugger without any shred of humanness left in his fetid brain.
'Now that you know the sad truth, what are you gonna do about it? You still have time to correct the terrible mistakes you've made that put you, and your loved ones, at risk of becoming victim. It is up to YOU!
'Do you want to remain a potential victim? Can you afford it?
Can your children?
Remember, Three of every five kids today will be victims of a serious violent crime in their lifetime ... ' "

"Uh, Chiyo-chan, you look a little pale ... maybe you should let Yomi translate instead ... " suggested Kagura.
"No, no, only Chiyo-suke can do instant translation so well! Go on, go on! This is getting better and better!" urged Tomo.
"Umm, th ... then it says:
'I have stopped arguing with men about the need to protect themselves and their families like men ... 'If you're still with me, congratulations. There aren't many men like you out there, with the guts to admit they need help protecting themselves and their loved ones. You may be a little anxious about it now, but I will guarantee you this: With my totally deadly and innovative fighting system, you will never be afraid of violence again! 'Yes, this amazing new method is called ... AMERICAN DIM MAK!
Dim Mak means Death Touch in Chinese ... yes, that's the kind of vicious, pain-intensive, maiming, killing skills you're about to learn easily with this book!

'I have created this method by blending together all the best moves of all the deadliest secret martial arts I studied during my travels (read my biography p.4 for more mind-blowing details). My system is Super-Easy To Learn And MEGA-Easy To Use -- And It °Kicks Serious Ass° On Every Other Martial Art Ever Created. It even Beats Jeet Kune Do. Yes, it's that effective!' "

"Wow, cool! But what is Jeet Kune Do?" wondered Tomo.
"It's the martial art invented by Bruce Lee," explained Kagura.
"Whoa! You mean this guy is even better than °Blue Three°? Sugoi!"
"Ano, I'm not sure about the translation ... what does °Ass° mean, Yomi-san?" asked Chiyo.
"I think it means 'backside' or something ... "
"Umm, are you sure? How can it be 'serious', then?"
"Err ... beats me ... "
"There's still some left to read, Chiyo-suke!"
"R ... right:
'To this day, only four people on this Earth know the secrets of American Dim Mak. Consider yourself extremely lucky to hold this training manual in your hands right now! Because as soon as the Government learns of the existence of this book, it will be banned! (Yes, the Government doesn't want YOU to be able to defend yourself!) 'Here is a taste of that incredible Art that you're about to learn:
1. Ultra Scientific Training Drills: effortlessly download the raw fighting skills directly into your nervous system! BAM! You're instant Bad-Ass!
2. Awesome Internal Power: gain God-like strength and speed, even if your body is out of shape, weak, slow, and not flexible!
3. Hyper-Advanced Fighting Stance: it keeps both super-powered martial artists and the dirtiest streetfighters off-balance!
4. Complete Body Structure Manipulation: you can toss Wrestlers the size of Jabba the Hut into walls, and dismantle any attacker like a rag doll!
5. Total Body Defence: super-strong boxers like Mike Tyson can't land a punch! ... Or if you let them, they shatter their fists on your body!
6. Wicked Pressure Point Attacks: overload your opponent's nervous system with excruciating pain! Make a razor-swallowing, berserker warrior like Attila the Hun drop dead with a mere touch!
7. Extreme Psychological Sensitivity: expand your senses so you see everything happening around you, all the time! Go from calm to frightening in a split second!
8. Secrets of Psychic Energy: manipulate your enemy at a distance; and make even a psychotic sociopath quiver in fear with just a glare!
'In short: Totally dominate, humiliate and crush anyone who threatens you ... Yes, That's the kind of POWER you are about to experience yourself, just by reading this very book! ' ... But wait! It gets better: for only $99, I can send you my super-secret training video (available on DVD or VHS), that enables you to learn this system even faster! Master devastating moves just by watching TV!

'And after watching it, if you don't agree with me that this is the most effective and easy-to-learn fighting style you have ever seen, I will send you 10$ out of my own pocket, no questions asked! Yes, that's the kind of guy I am.
'Sincerely,
Master Bob E. Braddock, PhD.
'PS: This training video is not for sissies; women have been known to faint just by taking a glimpse at its contents.' "

Chiyo's small voice died out, as she finished reading the summary. Looking somewhat ashen, she continued staring at the black tome with blank, round eyes, twitching occasionally.
Yomi sighed, plucking the book from her friend's small hands. "Chiyo-chan doesn't need any new psychological trauma! Why did you bring such a ridiculous book in class, Osaka?"
"Ah! It looks like Yomi-chan is back to her reasonable self!" noticed the frail girl.
"Well, there are limits to stupidity ... "
"Hey Yomi, give the book back to Chiyo-suke! I want her to translate the biography of that cool American guy!"
"And unfortunately, Tomo is also back to her obnoxious self," remarked Kagura.
"Come on, Yomi, give it back to Chiyo-chan! There's no way you can translate as well as her."
"What? Ha! I'll show you! You're the one here who couldn't read English if your life depended on it! Listen, it's easy:
'Master Bob E. Braddock has been a student of martial arts all of his life. By the age of 16 he had already earned five black belts in five different martial arts.' ... Yeah, right ...
'However, he soon discovered the limitations and flaws of the official styles he had studied.' ... Blah, blah, blah ...
'And that just got him fired up, so he decided to study scientifically the strongest styles and extract the core moves, leaving out the fancy stuff.' ... But of course!
'Bob went to the trouble of learning 7 different languages so that he could travel the world in search of the Holy Grail of fighting styles. By the age of 25, he had earned a PhD in neuro-bio-psycho-physiology at the University of Guatemala.' ... My God, what a quack!
' ... He also won over 1250 vicious, no-rules streetfights during this travels. He learned countless secret styles. In Greece, he studied the lost wrestling art of Pankration (which is Greek for Let's Kick Some Ass). In Thailand, he learned the secrets of Krabi-krabong, the deadliest blade fighting art in the world.' ... what the Hell are those ridiculous names?
'Bob had his most important encounter in China, on the legendary Mount Wudang. There, he met Grandmaster Wang Yu-Fei, who was so impressed by his potential that he made him his official heir to his secret Taoist Assassin Art of Dim Mak, which now constitutes the core of Bob's fighting system. He also offered him the hand of his only daughter, Wang Xian-Fuu, in marriage; but Bob couldn't afford to let Love interfere with his training, so he resolved to go on with his travels ... ' ... hahaha, that's hilarious!"
"Ah! By the way, Sakaki-chan," interrupted Osaka; "didn't you say that your Tai Chi sensei's name was Wang?"
"Ah, um, I ... "
"Don't interrupt me! How many Wang families do you think there are in China? Besides, it's obvious that everything written in here is completely made up! ... Anyway, then it reads:
'Later, by chance, in West Berlin (still during the Cold War) Bob met Dr Aleksey Miroshnikov, a renegade operative of KGB who had fled Evil Communist Russia. Dr Miroshnikov had been the commander of the hyper-secret KGB Special Division Omega, the most elite scientific-research combat organization in the world (you don't want to know what kind of experiments they did there ... ); and he entrusted Bob with all his knowledge.' ... My God, now this sounds like a bad spy movie ...
'In the last 10 years, Bob created and refined American Dim Mak, an entirely NEW fighting system ... one that took the moves of the most powerful Chinese style ... and blended them with the scientific insights of the Miroshnikov KGB Combat System.
Nowadays, Bob lives in Dusty Gulch, Texas. Every day, countless SWAT Policemen, Secret Service Officers, Delta Forces Soldiers, elite bodyguards and ICPO operatives literally BEG Bob to teach them his amazing art.' ... Yeah, I bet they do."
"Yay, this is sooo cool! When I'm in the ICPO, maybe he'll teach me how to kick ass!"
"Listen Tomo, this is completely ridiculous ... that stupid Gaijin trained a little in China, then he came back to his country and started selling his super miracle martial art from the Far East or something ... that guy is obviously a complete fake; even I who don't know anything about martial arts can see that! Anyway, let me finish this already:
'Nowadays, no one argues with Bob anymore. Because Bob doesn't like to talk, he likes to walk. He only has one thing to say to anyone who challenges him: Let's Go Outside And Fight Right Now!
'Here are a few testimonials of some tough guys who met Master Bob E. Braddock:
'I can't believe I got my ass kicked! -- Chuck N.
His Kung-fu is better than my Kung-fu. -- Jet L.
This guy is totally AWARE! -- Jean-Claude V.D.
Bob is the strongest man alive! No °B.S.° -- Hulk H.' ... Hmm, what does °B.S.° mean? Do you know, Chiyo-chan?"
"Umm, no, I have no idea ... "
"Ah! I know!" said Osaka; "It means °Blue Sree°! Actually, this sentence means that Master Bob is the strongest man in the world, and not °Blue Sree° ... "
"Ooh, that makes sense," replied Kagura; "after all, he did say that his Dim Mak style is better than Jeet Kune Do!"
"But ... you don't spell °Three° with an S!" tried to explain Chiyo.

Yomi sighed. "All right, here is the final conclusion to this amazing load of stupidity:
'However, no matter what, Master Braddock will only entrust his secrets to the select few he deems worthy.' ... Yeah, right! So why is he selling this book?"
"Ah! I remember, now!" said Osaka. "I actually had to pass a series of 'online psychological tests' on his website before being allowed to order the book. It seems that thanks to my 'well-balanced psychological profile', I was deemed worthy of learning this Art ... "
" ... "
" ... "
" ... "
" ... Strangely, I haven't been able to find his website again, since then ... it seems to have been shut down by the American Government, just like he predicted."
"Say, Osaka, did you also buy his secret video tape?" asked Tomo.
"Yes, I did; I ordered both the book and the video."
"Did you faint while watching it?"
"Oh no, it was actually very informative ... thanks to it, I feel much more confident walking in the streets, especially at night when I go buy bean paste rolls at the convenience store that stays open late ...
"Oh my God! Does it mean that you have become super-strong, Osaka? Uwaaa! Scary! Yomi, she's scary!" shouted Tomo, pointing to her frail classmate.
"Please, Tomo! How could Osaka be strong, especially after watching some stupid video?"
"Well, didn't he say that he can give super-powers to people who are weak, slow and not flexible? Isn't that exactly how Osaka is?"
"Yes, but he's obviously lying through his teeth, just to sell his book ... I just hope that there aren't any other people as gullible as you and Osaka!"
"But he looks so strong!" said Tomo, pointing to a photograph of "Master" Bob E. Braddock.
The picture showed a tall man in his early fifties, with a shaved head and a sharp, seamed face, sporting a blond goatee. He was wearing blue jeans and a tight tank-top showing off his heavily muscled upper body, which was marked with tattoos and a few scars. He was looking particularly fearsome, glaring at the camera, his thick eyebrows knitting themselves together above his piercing blue eyes.
"Bah, he just looks tough, that's all. Besides, nobody could ever have those ridiculous 'super-powers' he's writing about ... "
"Oh yeah? And how about Sakaki?"
"Well ... "
"Didn't she display super-strength? She sent that enormous Ôyama punk flying! And I heard that crazy Saiya-jin guy couldn't even touch her! And she knocked him out without touching him! And that other guy who groped her broke his hands on her body! Isn't all of that exactly what he described?"
"Hmm, that is ... "
"See? This is the real deal!"
"By the way, Sakaki-chan, could this person here be your sensei?" asked Osaka, taking the book back from Yomi and showing her tall classmate another picture.
It was an older black-and-white photograph, showing three people standing in front of a Chinese Taoist temple. The first one was a skinny Chinese man in his fifties, dressed in a white silk long-sleeved jacket and black pants. He had a thin white beard and mustache, which made him look like the stereotypical Chinese Master in a kung-fu movie.
On his right stood a much younger Bob E. Braddock, beardless, and with a big Afro hairstyle. He was wearing an open shirt over his muscled chest, and elephant bell bottom pants. He was flashing a winner's smile to the camera, striking a cocky pose, with one arm around the shoulders of a much smaller young Chinese girl.
Despite the girl being thirty years younger and sporting long hair entwined in twin braids, Sakaki immediately recognized Miss Wang, her sensei. She was wearing the same clothes as her father, and looked incredibly cute and dainty. She had a rather sullen expression on her face, which made her seem even cuter.
"This ... this is Sensei! H ... how? It can't be!" whispered a stricken Sakaki.
"Ooh, everything is clear now!" said Osaka. "This explains where Sakaki-chan got her power from! She is the heir to the Chinese Dim Mak Assassin Arts, just as I thought."
"Wh ... what? You mean Osaka is right, after all? Sugee!" exclaimed an excited Kagura. "That's awesome! It's true after all, Yomi!"
"Oh God, this is crazy, but ... Sakaki, it's not true is it?"
"I ... I don't know ... "
"Whoa, this means that both Sakaki and Osaka have super-powers, now!" shouted Tomo.
"Say, Sakaki-chan, maybe there are a few techniques in this book that you don't know?" said Osaka, presenting her tall friend with the book.
"Well, I -- "
"Would you like to have it? It could be useful to you; after all, you hold so much pawaa, it would be a waste not to refine it to its full potential!"
"N ... no, I'm not -- "
"I know you have already mastered the Chinese Dim Mak; but you might become even stronger with the additional secret KGB spy techniques!"
"Spy? But why would I -- "
"Here, please take it. It's a very rare and valuable book, now that it has been banned by the American Government ... "
"I ... I don't really want to -- "
"Don't worry about me, I have already read it carefully several times. Here. It's a gift for you, Sakaki-chan, " Osaka said in her soft voice, smiling sweetly, and handing the black tome to Sakaki with both hands.
The tall girl sighed, and accepted the book. "Th ... thank you very much, Ayumu-chan." She put it into her own schoolbag very quickly, as if it was a red-hot piece of iron.
"Did you hear that? Secret KGB training!" exclaimed Tomo. "That's scary! They're both more dangerous than °Blue Three° now! ... So, does that make Sakaki °Blue One°? And Osaka °Blue Two°?"
"Whoa, you're right! ... Hey wait a minute! There's no way Osaka can be °Blue Two°! Sakaki's Number Two should be me!" proclaimed Kagura.
"Not that again," sighed Yomi.
"Hah! You think you can match Osaka's newfound power?"
"Well, I ... I trained extra hard lately! My Karate sensei praised me for my progress!"
"Ha! Didn't you pay attention? Your Karate is nothing in the face of American Dim Mak!"
"Damn it! Don't underestimate Karate!"
"Well, if you think you're strong, why don't you challenge Osaka for the title of N°2?"
"Ha! Maybe I will!" shouted Kagura, getting up from her seat.
Osaka also stood up, and swiveled around slowly and eerily towards her classmate; one could almost hear the sound of clockwork gears turning. The young athlete involuntary took a step back, taking up a fighting stance.
"I won't lose!"
"Kagura, don't fight in the cafeteria, you idiot!" ordered Yomi. "Everybody's looking at us! And don't hit poor Osaka, you'll injure her! You know how frail she is!"
Osaka started walking slowly towards Kagura, smiling cheerfully. The short-haired girl, somewhat flustered by the curious looks a few other students in the cafeteria were giving her, hesitated for a second. Her "opponent" took another step forward serenely, and Kagura suddenly realized that the fragile girl had already entered her personal space, thanks to her inconspicuous attitude.
Kagura came to a quick decision, and darted forward to grab her friend's arms and pin her, but she suddenly sensed a hand appearing right in front of her face; Osaka had reached towards her so casually that the gesture had been mostly unperceived. As her classmate's delicate finger touched Kagura's forehead, she leaned back reflexively, startled, while her lower body continued moving forward. As a result, her balance was completely disrupted. She flailed her arms in panic for a few seconds, and then fell flat on her back.
Everybody gaped. Kagura remained on the ground, completely stricken.
Osaka raised her arm slowly, closed her eyes tightly, and cheered in English:
"°Victory!°"
"Oh my God! O ... Osaka ... she defeated Kagura with just one finger!" shouted Tomo, clutching Yomi's arm. "She ... she used a psychic energy attack! Scary! Yomi! She's scary!"
"This can't be true ... I must be going insane ... " muttered the long-haired girl.
"°Victory!°"
Kagura suddenly jumped back to her feet, blushing wildly, and shouted:
"That ... that was a fluke! She surprised me! I wasn't ready! That doesn't count! It's a fluke; a fluke, I tell you! I want a rematch, right now!"
"°Victory!°"
"You'd better give up; who knows what dangerous technique she might use next!" advised Tomo. " ... Very well, Kagura, I hereby bestow you with the title : °Blue Four!°"
"What? Why you! Don't decide that by yourself! °Blue Four°? °Blue Four°? Why °Four°? Why not °Three°?"
"Oy, Kagura! You wouldn't actually try to replace THE °Blue Three°, would you?"
"W ... well, no. But still ... it's unfair! I want a rematch! A rematch!"
"°Victory!°"
"That ... that was somehow amazing, wasn't it, Sakaki-san?" said Chiyo in wonder.
"A ... aa ..."
"Come on, Osaka! Rematch! Rematch! ... Ouch!"
Yomi chopped the short-haired girl on the head with the edge of her hand.
"Stop making a fool of yourself, will you!"
"Ooh! Yomi is pretty strong too! You've just been demoted to °Blue Six°, Kagura!"
"Whaaaat? Why °Six°?"
"That's because °Blue Five° is Jackie Chan!"
"Aaaaargh!"
"°Victory!°"

Author's notes: Ahem ... As I said, I'm not trying to offend anyone here; actually, there are REAL-LIFE websites out there where you can find those kinds of "miracle self-defense systems" ... And the sad thing is that their outrageous claims are almost worse than Master Bob's ...
By the way, Dim Mak, Krabi-krabong, Pankration, and Soviet martial arts do exist, but not exactly as advertised here ...
-- Gaijin: "foreigner" in Japanese. Can be derogatory or not, depending on the voice tone (and the associated adjective, of course).
-- Sugoi / Sugee: "Cool!", "Great!", "Super!", etc. in Japanese.
-- Oh, I hope nobody missed the Revolutionary Girl Utena reference in this chapter ...

Chapter 12

[Author's notes:
Reminder: when you read °something like that° it means that a character is speaking in another language than Japanese (English, Chinese ... ).
]

Chapter 12: Sakaki vs the Guidance Counsellor from Hell, part 3
(Where Osaka displays her amazing American History knowledge ... )
Through Muraki Makoto's eyes ...
Hmm, finally an interesting assignment ... Those Yanki punks can get boring after a while. I've been rubbing shoulders with them -- and kicking their asses -- ever since high school, when I was one myself. Still, this is a cool job ... paid by the government to kick ass, hehehe. Much better than running errands for the yakuza. Looks like you played your cards right, Muraki "-sensei" ...
Anyway, the mentality of High School delinquents hasn't changed since my time, even though they've started to dress up like American Gangsta lately. They're like animals, all of them ... which makes them rather easy to reform. That is, it's easy to break them. They're used to bow down to superior strength -- that's how gangs are formed in the first place. So, all you have to do is crush the head, and then the whole pack submits to your will.
Well, sometimes, you come across a lone wolf who refuses to bow down, no matter what. Just like myself when I was a kid ... or like that psycho blond kid from my last assignment. I still kicked his ass and had him expelled, but he "vowed to take revenge" or something, heh.
Now, having to reform a girl; that's pretty rare ... you find a girl problem student every now and then, and even girl gangs -- what a joke! Unfortunately, I've never been assigned to such cases. Breaking them must be particularly fun ... hehehe.
That Sakaki girl, she's supposed to be super hot. Could be a rare gem of an opportunity ... and according to what I've been able to find out this morning during my investigations, she's popular and tries hard to pass for a model student. So she's probably vulnerable when it comes to her reputation ... all I have to do is dig up some dirt on her. And it's probably gonna be easy, with all those other chicks having a crush on her. She probably already experimented with one or two ... Bitch.
Anyway, they almost seem to worship the ground she treads on. I wonder why; she's supposed to be cool and all, and "super-strong" at fighting, but still, this is rather extreme ...
The worst of them was that mousy girl from ... What's His Name's class. Man, she has it bad. She didn't seem too eager to answer my questions at first, but when I told her I was an inspector from the Ministry of Education looking for candidates for the Best High School girl of the Nation Award, she immediately started babbling her head off, praising that Sakaki girl to the skies, like she was THE ultimate being. That stupid broad just wouldn't stop bugging me after that. Almost had to pry her off me with a crowbar.
Feh, I can't believe how many lez there are in this school. I heard it's supposed to be fairly common among high school chicks; some sort of phase, before they learn more about real sex. Still, I had no idea it was that bad.
Hehe, they just need to be shown what a true man's all about ... Looks like that Tanizaki bitch still hasn't outgrown that stage, unlike her friend. Bah, I'll deal with them later.
Still, there's something I don't understand about that Sakaki case. I had some trouble finding accurate information about what really happened with the punks from Hiirin High School. Strange ... before it collapsed, Hiirin High was supposed to be one of the worst problem schools in the area. I was never assigned there myself, but I heard from a colleague that their brand of delinquents were pretty tough. And she's supposed to have beaten them like they were nothing?
Ok, let's assume she knows some martial arts, and got in a fight with the head of the punks, for some reason ... he probably hesitated to strike her, so she took advantage of that. And maybe she injured him badly on purpose when he was down, which made the other punks fear her somewhat. But I don't get it, how could it get to the extent of them acknowledging her as a school guardian? What a frigging joke!
Bah, that nerd from first year I persuaded to tell me what he witnessed from the first fight didn't say anything worthwhile. I mean ... sending an enormous guy flying with a simple push? Chi attacks? Crushing her opponent's hands with her breasts? Ha! That's a riot! I bet the wimpy students from this school never saw a real fight before ... That four-eyed Otaku probably got things mixed up with some stupid animé.
Anyway, I heard there was a second fight ... Ok, later today I'll grab myself some students who witnessed that one. And they'd better give me more useful details, or else! Too bad all the delinquents have been expelled already; I could have interrogated them properly.
... But before that, I'll have a little look in that 3-3 classroom. The students went to gym class half-an-hour ago, and left their bags in the classroom. That gives me the perfect opportunity to snoop around a bit for ... clues, hehehe. I've been waiting long enough, I think; and there's nobody in the hall right now ...
Hmm, let's see, that Sakaki girl's seat is supposed to be that one near the window. Right ... maybe I'll find something interesting in her bag ... something like a diary, or a love-letter.
Ok, still nobody around ... so let's see what she has inside that bag ... hmm, an English exercise book. Wow, neat handwriting! She's a Model Student, all right! ... Aha! A cell-phone; perfect! Let's have a look to the history of her SMS text messages ...
Eh? What's this little plushy thing attached to the phone? Some ugly, misshapen white cat, with a smaller one glued on its head. Blergh, I hate that cutesy crap. I know chicks often dig that kind of stuff, but this looks completely childish ... It doesn't seem like the type of thing Miss Too Cool For Words Sakaki would carry around ... oh, and this other notebook here is full of text written in bright pink ink ... Uhh, is this even the right seat?
Ah, wait, what is this? A black book with a skull? Is she secretly into Goth stuff? Wait ... pressure points? Hey, it's ... it's a book on martial arts! All right! Looks like I didn't mix up the seats after all!
Weird, why is it in English? Hmm ...
... Wait ...
... What ... The ... Hell ... Is ... This?
... My God, this stuff is ... totally crazy! Is this actually serious?
"American Dim Mak" of all things?
Damn, those Amekô bastards, who do they think they are? Acting like they own the frigging World or something! One day ... we'll show them who's the truly superior race; if only Japan wasn't run by lame-ass wimps right now. Shit.
Anyway, what kind of techniques does that Bob wacko teach?
" ... Technique N°7.a -- How to break your opponent's wrist when he punches you: when the punch comes to your body, first defuse and absorb it with the Inflating Chi Balloon Breathing Technique; then redirect the Attack Vector at a 45° angle with a Fa-Jin Percussive Wave. It'll snap his wrist like a twig, no matter how big the bastard is.
"This works with any part of the body. If your Tactile Sensitivity is high enough, you can also use this technique when your opponent just touches you. (PS: don't teach this to your girlfriend.)"
What is that stupid mumbo-jumbo? Is he trying to sound like a wise old Kung-fu master, or a rocket scientist? And how is that technique supposed to work? The pictures just show some fat dude punching him in the belly, and then holding his wrist in pain. Yeah right!
Wait ... this somehow sounds like what that nerd from earlier was ranting about ... "Sakaki-sama" breaking the hands of a guy who touched her boobs ... Bah! Ridiculous.
And what is that "fa-jin" thingy, anyway?
" ... Fa-Jin, or 'explosive energy': In my American Dim Mak, fa-jin is the 'engine' of your fighting. It's a sudden release of energy, generated by a sharp shake or wave of your whole body. It can be delivered by your fist, elbow, or foot; and, at high level, with any part of your body.
"Fa-Jin gives you the ability to do whip-like strikes, a thousand times more deadly than those robotic and stiff punches that most practitioners of other 'Arts' throw around (yeah, I'm talkin' to you, Karate guys).
"It's the same type of explosive power that shakes your body when you sneeze ... but with my fighting method you can control it consciously, and amplify it at will! With this ability, you'll literally OWN the streets!"
The power of sneeze ... riiiight.
Aaah, wait, I understand now! That girl and her followers must have been spreading rumors all over the place, of her having those "Death-Touch" super-powers! Wow, she must be pretty good at manipulating people if she managed to get everyone in school to believe that!
"Among the numerous applications of fa-jin, it enables you to get out of any grab, lock or submission hold easily, with a simple shake. You'll also be able to strike with enormous power without even needing to wind up your attack!"
Hmm, that sounds like the one-inch punch trick, which was supposed to be Bruce Lee's specialty. Though, I doubt it's possible to pull off that fancy move in real combat, especially with any part of your body. Even Bruce Lee did it only with the fist.
"There are several advanced types of fa-jin:
"1. The Springy Palm (if you're feeling merciful): it'll send your opponent flying for several meters without hurting him (much).
"2. The dreaded Quivering Palm (if you're really pissed): it'll make your opponent drop dead at your feet, by transmitting Explosive Kinetic Energy right inside his body, reducing his internal organs to mushy goo ... Yeah, that's why my American Dim Mak has been called the ART OF OVERKILL!"
This is getting more and more wacky ...
Uh ... isn't that Sakaki girl supposed to have sent some big guy flying with just a push? ... Bah! Preposterous!
And what's this?
"The real world of streetfighting has no rules! You will get maimed or killed if you attempt to use any fancy stuff."
Well, he's right on that point at least ...
Hah, on the one hand, that guy says that you can't use fancy moves on the street, and on the other hand he gives you some completely esoteric stuff to learn!
I've had plenty of real fights on the streets, and I know what really works. A trained boxer can throw punches twice as fast as any martial artist.
That's right! In real life Kickboxing owns Karate or Kung-fu hands-down; and Wrestling beats Judo.
Some brutal Kickboxing moves, a few grappling techniques, one or two dirty tricks, and above all vicious aggressiveness: that's all you need to win fights in the streets!
... Eh? Wait a minute, what is this?
" The 'He surprises me, I surprise him' move: When danger bites you in the ass, you usually have NO WARNING! However, with this ultimate skill, you will be able to deflect instantly any surprise attack, coming from any angle! And at the same time, you will hit your attacker from behind, taking HIM by surprise and disabling him without fail! Until now, this super-secret technique was only known by the best operatives from the Russian KGB!"
Now it's secret skills from the Russian KGB ... ok, I've read enough. This is starting to seriously piss me off! I think I'm going to give that girl a little lesson in reality, soon!
Shit! I hear people in the hall! I'd better leave ... Damn, I forgot to check her cell phone! I've been distracted by this stupid load of crap for too long! What a waste of time!
This has really got me in a foul mood! Still ... I feel somewhat ... uneasy. Why?

Kurosawa Minamo was standing in front of her car, keys in hand. There was an air of uncertainness about her, and her face wore a preoccupied expression. A few times, she began to insert her key into the car's lock, but changed her mind at the last moment. After a while, she frowned, biting her lower lip, and glanced back towards the school buildings.
"Nyamo!" spoke a voice from behind her. The young P.E. teacher whirled around, startled.
"Oh. Yukari ... Wait, what are you doing here? I thought -- "
"Nyamo ... I'm sorry."
"Eh?"
"Ok ... I've said it. Listen, let's just forget about old stories, right? ... All right. That's it."
Despite the finality of her tone, Yukari didn't show any signs of wanting to end the discussion. She was frowning, staring at the ground; but there was also a small hint of expectation in her eyes.
"Uh, well, ok," uttered Minamo hesitantly. "But, maybe ... I mean ... umm, I was wrong too."
"W ... what do you mean?"
"That is ... during that meeting yesterday."
"Oh, right ... the meeting." Yukari let out a small sigh, closing her eyes for a moment. Then her face relaxed, and she gave her friend a small smile. "Don't worry about it ... "
"It's just ... I just didn't know what to do. I was so surprised, and ... I mean, I've never actually been confronted to that kind of situation, so ... "
"Well you know, neither have I ... obviously," chuckled Yukari. "I didn't know what to do either. So ... "
" ... So you got angry?"
"Right. Heh."
"Well, you know," spoke Minamo in a soft voice, "Actually, that time ... I thought you were kinda ... cool, for a moment."
"R ... really?"
"Ah ... well, anyway, I tried to think what to do about it, but ... "
" ... No ideas, huh?"
"Well, no, but ... Hey, wait a minute, Yukari! What were you doing during the whole day, anyway? I told the vice-principal that you were ill, but ... you just can't skip work just because you're angry! I mean, what of -- "
"I was thinking too. Actually, during the whole day I've been wracking my brain for an idea ... for something to do, anything. And ... "
" ... And?"
"Heh. Hehehe ... Nothing! I could think of nothing."
"Oh ... "
"At first, I wanted to try and dig up some dirt on HIM; I mean that Muraki prick. But it's useless. He's not from around here; he was dispatched by the Education Committee. It would take much too long to investigate him; he'd have the time to carry out that stupid mission of his several times over. Besides, we don't know anybody who's acquainted with him, or even worked with him."
"Yeah, you're right," sighed Minamo. "Today I tried to keep an eye on him, but it was much too difficult, with my classes and all ... Still, it seems he spent the day snooping around, and asking various students about Sakaki-chan. I think he even interrogated Kaorin-chan!"
"That sneaky bastard! At least he didn't try to confront Sakaki today, as he threatened, right?"
"That's what I had thought first, but I'm starting to have doubts! He might still be waiting until after class for an opportunity to get her alone!"
"Well, wasn't P.E. the last class they had today? Sakaki must have gone home already; she doesn't have any club activities, right?"
"No, no, she's still in there! In fact, I asked her and Chihiro-chan to stay behind to put away the P.E. equipment and clean the storeroom!"
"What! Why? Couldn't you have asked some students from the P.E. committee or something?"
"Before letting Sakaki-chan go home I wanted to look around the gym building first, and make sure Muraki was not there waiting for her. I didn't see him anywhere, so I assumed he had already gone home; but I was wrong! Look over there, his car is still here! He might be hiding somewhere!"
"Damn! We must go back and get to Sakaki before him!"
"You're right. Nevertheless, even if we manage to get Sakaki out safely, it won't solve the problem. No matter how many days we stall, Muraki will always come back the next morning!"
"I know. So, we need to find a way to make sure he doesn't come back the next day ... "
"What do you mean?"
Yukari stared at her childhood friend with a pensive expression.
"Say, Nyamo, you used to practice Judo in High School, right?"
"Yes, but ... wait, you don't mean -- "
"Hehehe, look at that," said Yukari, rummaging through her handbag, and fishing out a small item.
"A ... a pepper spray! Yukari! Are you crazy?"
"Listen, what about this: we follow him and wait for an opportunity to ambush him. As soon as we can get him alone somewhere, I spray the bastard in the eyes, and you throw him down and break his arm with a Katame no Jiji technique or something!"
"It's Juji Gatame! Anyway, are you completely out of your mind, Yukari? Don't you know that violence never, ever solves anything? If we do that sort of thing, we'll become no better than him!"
"It's too late for that kind of sermon! You should have used those very words with Gotô yesterday, when he told Muraki to use force!"
"W ... well, I didn't -- "
"I know, I know, it's not your fault! Argh! That Muraki asshole, he pisses me off!" growled Yukari. "He reminds me of that jerk you went out with in college."
"Whaat? I never went out with a guy like that!"
"Hmpf, they say Love is blind ... Grrrr! That stupid prick, showing off with that sports-car of his! ... Say, how about we sabotage his breaks?"
"What are you, a yakuza?"
"Hmm, yakuza ... not a bad idea. Maybe we could hire one to beat him up?"
"Stop it with your stupid idea of beating people up! Listen, I'll ... I'll try to talk to Gotô-sensei again tomorrow."
"He won't listen to you! Didn't you notice that he's completely irrational?"
"Yes, but ... I don't get it! How did Sakaki-chan get him riled up like that? I mean, even if the rumors about her defending herself against a few bullies are true, there's no need to -- "
"He's a sexist old bastard, that's all. And by the way, if you're thinking of talking to the principal himself, let me remind you that he and Gotô are like, bosom buddies. So I doubt you'll be any more successful in convincing him."
"Well, I won't give up without even trying. In any case, it's better than your crazy plans!"
"I think we still need a plan to defeat Muraki, in case you fail with your convincing!"
"Ahem. Actually, I would like to bring to your attention the fact that a plan has already been set into motion," suddenly spoke Kimura from between the two young women, adjusting his glasses.
"Gyaaaaah! Where the Hell did YOU come from, Kimura-sensei?"

Meanwhile, Muraki-sensei was pacing inside his office, an old storage room located in the back of the main school building; it had been assigned to him by the vice-principal, for the discreet interviewing of rambunctious students.
The special guidance counselor was looking rather aggravated, his hatchet face showing hints of worry. He was growling under his breath.
"Shit! I had no idea that Yamamoto Brad, of all people, had been a student in this school! Freaky coincidence he ended up here, after I expelled him from his previous school. More importantly, how the Hell did that Sakaki woman manage to beat him? The three different witnesses I interrogated just now all told me the same thing: he got berserk for some reason, and attacked her full force ... but he couldn't even touch her once!
"How is that possible? I mean that freak of nature was one of the most difficult cases I ever came across! He's the worst kind of opponent to face in a serious fight; the short and quick psychopath who won't stay down, no matter how much you pummel him!
"And they said that broad didn't even flinch when he pulled a knife on her! What the Hell? She frigging smacked that guy around without breaking a sweat?"
The re-educator interrupted his pacing and frowned in concentration.
"Ok, calm down ... there's no way that story could be real -- or the stupid stuff in the book, for that matter. All of this is obviously a machination to destabilize me. But those three students seemed completely convinced of their stories ... Is that girl some genius at manipulating people? Was she warned of my arrival? Maybe those two teacher bitches from yesterday are involved ... shit, they'll regret messing with me!"
Muraki's hands tightened into hard fists.
"Anyway, I've got no choice but to take on that Sakaki girl right now. I won't feel good if I don't settle this as soon as possible. Besides, I promised that Gotô wimp I'd solve his problem today ... for the moment he's given me the latitude to use force, so I'd better use this opportunity before he changes his mind. I don't want to spend the whole week playing mind-games with that crazy broad. She probably won't expect me to confront her head-on today ... Ok, it's decided! The mousy girl from this morning will probably know where to find her."

"So, are you satisfied now, Kagura?" asked Yomi sarcastically, as the girls, minus Sakaki, were leaving school through the gates.
"I'm so sorry, Osaka!" said the short-haired athlete, sheepishly.
"Oh don't worry, I'm alright, Kagura-chan," replied the frail girl in a slightly nasal voice. She was wearing a band-aid across the nose.
"I hope you're happy that even the mighty Osaka couldn't stop your super-speed baseball pitch ... really impressive, you got right through her defenses, and even knocked her out completely!"
"Haah ... you're right, it was a total defeat," sighed Osaka. "I couldn't hit a homerun this time ... "
"This time? When did you ever hit a homerun?" scoffed the long-haired girl. "Anyway, Kagura, what invincible opponent are you going to challenge next? Chiyo-chan?"
"Hey, don't be such a spoilsport, Yomi!" interrupted Tomo. "It was an honorable challenge of Martial Arts Baseball between two ... err ... honorable martial artists! Still, I'm surprised Osaka lost! The Russian KGB's fighting repertoire didn't cover baseball, apparently."
"Hmm, that's right," mused Osaka. "If the Russians had mastered baseball, they would probably have won the Cold War, beating the Americans at their own game"
"What nonsense are you making up again?" said Yomi. "I fail to see how 'mastering' baseball could help win a war against a superpower like the USA."
"Even though you say that, Yomi-chan ... did you know that a few years before the arrival of Commodore Perry in 1854, another American fleet tried to invade Japan, but was driven away after losing a baseball game against a courageous Japanese team?"
"Osaka, I wonder in which books you studied History. Besides, baseball probably didn't exist at the time."
"Oh, you're mistaken, Yomi-chan. Baseball, along with Basketball and Volleyball, was actually invented in America during the mid-nineteenth century, by the YMCA."
"The YMCA?"
"Yes, the °Young Men's Cowboy Association°. Actually, the purpose of Baseball was to reform violent young cowboys, and keep them from shooting at each other in the Wild West ... "
"Umm, I think you are mixing up quite a few things, Osaka-san!" remarked Chiyo-chan.
"Hey, is that why in shônen manga they also reform Japanese juvenile delinquents by having them play baseball?" asked Tomo.
"Ugh, I think I've had enough of American trivia for today ... " muttered Yomi.
"Ah! By the way, Yomi, wanna come and have fun at my place tonight?" suddenly asked her energetic friend, changing topics.
"Well, shouldn't you study instead of playing all the time, Tomo?"
"Uhh ... ok, let's study together instead, then!"
"Hmm, why not ... Wait a minute! Is that a ploy to have me do your homework?"
"Not at all! You hurt me deeply with your accusations!"
"I see. So you intend to copy my homework in the evenings instead of the mornings now, is that it?"
"Bah, we barely have any homework this week, anyway! We're leaving on the trip to Okinawa on Monday, remember? So I say we forget about work and have fun tonight. Hehehe ... look what I've got!"
Tomo rummaged inside her school bag and produced a CD Game box. She thrust it towards Yomi's face, who stared at it, unimpressed. Kagura's eyes, on the other hand, widened with excitement.
"That's ... that's the Dekken 5 game! It got out just a couple of days ago, and it's already sold out everywhere! Sugee ! How did you manage to get it, Tomo?"
"Hehehe ... The truth is, I spent many, many hours in an endless queue in front of the game store, under the scorching sun, in order to get my hands on this game! And do you know why I sacrificed my health and youth like this? ... For the only sake of sharing a few fun and precious moments with my dear, beloved Yomi-chan!" proclaimed Tomo, her voice taking a saccharine sweet tone towards the end of her tirade.
"Riiiiight ... now I know you're expecting something from Yomi," said Kagura. She glanced towards her long-haired classmate, and blinked. Yomi looked somewhat bewildered, mouth parted, eyes slightly unfocused. There was a distinct blush on her features.
"Don't ... don't tell me you're falling for this!" exclaimed the young athlete.
"Wh ... what are you talking about?" sputtered Yomi. "Ahem. Anyway, I have no interest in fighting games; you know that, Tomo!"
"Drat! And I bought this new game because I was sure I'd be able to kick your ass this time," complained the energetic girl.
"Heh, she's always baiting me to play stupid fighting or racing games," chuckled Yomi. "But even though I don't own a console myself, I always manage to beat her soundly,"
"Hmpf, you won't win this time, I have already mastered all the special moves!"
"You went that far, spending hours in a queue, just so you could beat Yomi in a game!" uttered Kagura in disbelief.
"Yeah, and I also wanted to show off the game to Yukari-chan! She hasn't managed to get it yet! I wanted to see her face, hahaha!"
"Why do you always work so hard just for the sake of pissing people off?" muttered Yomi.
"Thank God Yukari-sensei was absent today," sighed Kagura in relief.
"Grrrrrrrrr ... "
"What's the matter, Chiyo-chan?" asked the short-haired athlete, turning towards her pigtailed classmate.
"Why is Chiyo-chan growling like that?" wondered Yomi.
The little girl's face was set in an expression of defiance, pigtails almost sticking out on the sides of her head. She looked oddly cute, throwing sharp looks around the street, as if she was expecting an imminent ambush by a wild animal.
"Chiyo-suke has been very good at sensing evil lately!" explained Tomo. "What's the matter, Chiyo-suke? Where is it? What is it? An enemy?"
"Aah! It's Yamamoto Buladdo-kun!" suddenly exclaimed Osaka, pointing behind the small group.
Her four classmates whirled around and stared. As expected, Yamamoto Brad was standing a few meters away. He was clad in street clothes, which consisted in brown Bermuda pants, red tennis shoes, and a white T-shirt sporting a big rising sun military flag with the kanji for "Japanese Fighting Spirit" underneath. His bleached hair stood up as wildly as ever; and there was still a slightly psychotic glint in his eye.
"Wh ... what the Hell are YOU doing here?" shouted Kagura. "I can't believe this! Didn't they send you somewhere far away?"
"Who is ... err, this?" whispered Yomi to her short-haired classmate.
"It's that Yamamoto Brad weirdo! The guy who tried to fight Sakaki, while you and Tomo were sick at home."
"Whoa! It's the crazy Saiya-jin that Sakaki defeated! I can't believe I missed that!" declared Tomo in her loud voice. "Haha, that's too funny! He looks like a brat with big muscles!"
"Damn it! Why are you here?" shouted the exasperated Kagura. "Did you come back to bug Sakaki again? She's not here, and she wouldn't talk to you anyhow! Go away!"
"Uh, maybe you two shouldn't try to make him angry," whispered Yomi. "He looks somewhat ... unstable."
Osaka walked up to the spiky-haired boy, raised her arm in greeting, and called in English:
"°Hello, Mistaa°!"
"Yo!" replied Yamamoto with a grin.
"Have you increased your °Pawaa Level° since last time?"
"°You betcha°!" His grin widened and he gave her a thumbs-up.
"Argh! Don't encourage him, Osaka!"
"Listen, °girls°, I came here to warn you ... Aneki is in danger!"
"Aneki?"
Kagura sighed. "After Sakaki kicked his ass, he started calling her Aneki."
"Wow, just like a gangster! ... And what's that about Sakaki-chan being in danger?" asked Tomo.
"There's someone after her ... an evil guy called Muraki."
"What are you talking about?"
"Muraki ... he's a special guidance counselor dispatched from the Education Committee. Actually, he is a member of the Shadowy Re-educators, a secret underground group of deadly fighters, whose purpose is to eliminate the students who pose a threat to the Ministry of Education. And he is on a mission to defeat Aneki ... "
"Uh, this guy is obviously delusional. We'd better leave ... " whispered Yomi to her classmates.
" ... I myself faced him last year in my previous school. And I can tell you that he's extremely dangerous -- "
"We don't care about your life-story!" growled Kagura.
" ... He is an expert in Kickboxing, and his special skill is a super-speed cross-counter ... "
"We don't give a damn; go away ... " muttered the young athlete half-heartedly, realizing that the eccentric boy was paying her no heed whatsoever.
" ... Now, you'll probably say that a cross-counter would be of no use against Aneki, since she never attacks first, instead absorbing her opponent's attacks with her soft style. However, Muraki is a sneaky bastard, an expert in dirty tricks. He'll even use your own friends against you ... baiting you to attack him, so that he can retaliate with impunity!"
"Right, right, he's very evil," said Yomi in soothing tones. "Now if you don't mind, we'll -- "
"Just before my fight with him, he threatened to have my friends expelled, and got me super-pissed ... "
"That guy actually has friends?"
"Shh!"
"So I attacked him recklessly, and in the end got knocked out by his special counter. Then he had me expelled for 'attacking a teacher' ... However, I vowed to take revenge! I trained my °Spirit° by challenging various martial arts schools in the area, and developed a special attack that Muraki wouldn't be able to counter: the Bakuyaku Tôki Hizume-ken!"
"Are you quite finished yet?" sighed Yomi. "I've heard enough biographies of tough guys for today."
"Hey, I think he's telling the truth!" interrupted Tomo. "I came across this Muraki guy in the hall this morning; and he looked really mean!"
"Yes, yes, I saw him too," replied Yomi, annoyed. "He's just an Inspector from the Ministry of Education. Nothing to worry about; these inspectors all look mean."
"Ano ... I spoke to Kaorin this morning," suddenly spoke Chiyo, " ... and she said Muraki-sensei asked her a lot of questions about Sakaki-san. He claimed to be looking for candidates for the award of the Best High School Girl of the Nation, or something. He said he ... he intended to interview Sakaki-san today! But ... I don't think such an award actually exists!"
"Wait a minute, that's suspicious!" pointed out Kagura. "If there really was such an award, wouldn't he have asked to interview someone else first, before Sakaki? ... NO! Not you, Tomo! I mean Chiyo-chan!"
"Hmpf! Don't tell me you're starting to believe that story?" grumbled Yomi. "Why would the Ministry of Education send someone after Sakaki, anyway?"
"Well, you know, she's always so secretive ... " interjected Osaka. "Who knows what powerful enemies she might have made in the past?"
"Oh, COME ON, Osaka!"
"°Hey, Four Eyes°! Where's Aneki right now, anyway?"
"She's still in school. She stayed behind to help out putting away the P.E. equipment ... wait. What did you call me just now?"
"What? You mean you left her alone with Muraki there? Are you nuts?"
"Wait a minute, Yamamoto Brad! How did you get the information about that Muraki person being sent to this school, in the first place?"
"Well, this morning I received an anonymous SMS message," explained the blonde boy, producing a small, sleek-looking cell phone, "informing me about Muraki targeting Aneki, and asking me to come immediately and defeat him. It even gives the location of his office."
"Huh?"
"Yeah. Strangely, this message is a weird flowery poem written in the ancient Waka form ... and it's signed 'Kimu-Kimu-chan' ... I thought it was from one of you girls!"
"Kimu-Kimu-chan?"
The five girls exchanged puzzled looks.

Author's notes: -- Amekô: A derogatory Japanese term for Americans.
-- Juji Gatame: a Judo "armbar" technique, executed on the ground. If you watch the animéYawara, you'll see what it looks like ...
On the other hand, "Katame no Jiji" means "one-eyed old man" ... -- Waka form: a genre of Japanese poetry, popular during the Heian era (794 – 1185). Waka just means "Japanese poem"; it was called like this to differentiate it from another popular form of poetry, the Kanshi ("Chinese poem"). During that time, in the aristocracy, it was customary for lovers to send letters in the waka form instead of ordinary prose.
-- There is both a Samurai Champuru and a Cowboy Bebop reference in this chapter ...
By the way, Osaka is slightly mistaken, the Young Men's Christian Association did invent Basketball and Volleyball, but not Baseball ...

Chapter 13

[Author's notes:
Disclaimer: Warning! This chapter features dangerous martial arts maneuvers. Please do not try them at home.
Reminder: when you read °something like that°, it means that a character is speaking in another language than Japanese (English, Chinese ... ).

]

Chapter 13 : Sakaki vs the Guidance Counsellor from Hell, part 4
(Where Sakaki unleashes her terrifying wrath ... )
For a welcome change, Kaorin was feeling rather happy and light-headed. A silly smile was curling the corners of her mouth, and she almost skipped as she escorted Sakaki towards the office of Muraki-sensei, the friendly inspector of the Ministry of Education.
Finally, she was able to do something useful for the sake of her beloved! Maybe she had been given a chance to redeem her unseemly and ridiculous behavior yesterday when Sakaki-san had been stung by a wasp.
What luck! Just after class, she had come across Muraki-sensei again; and he had actually asked her to find Sakaki and bring her to his office for an interview! Without doubts, she would be selected as a candidate!
Kaorin had never heard about an award for the Best High School girl of the Nation before; but now she was convinced that no one deserved the title more than Sakaki-san.
Of course, there was little genius girl Chiyo-chan, who was slightly better in the field of academics ... but according to Mr Muraki, the ideal candidate had to be smart, polite, beautiful and athletic. And only Sakaki-san possessed all of those qualities! She excelled both in academics and sports, and lost to no one in terms of looks; yes, she was without doubts the most beautiful and talented High School girl of the Nation!
Kaorin blushed, remembering how, just a couple of minutes ago, Sakaki had quickly changed back into her school uniform, right in front of her. Of course, she had averted her eyes when the tall girl had removed her shirt and bloomers, but still, she had ... involuntarily taken a small glimpse.
As the smitten girl was leading her idol through the corridors, enchanting visions were dancing inside her mind ... fleeting images of thin, elegant, bare limbs; of pearly white skin partially hidden behind velvet raven tresses ... Of course, she had seen Sakaki-san in a swimsuit many times before, but this situation was ... different; something like this was just so ... enticing!
Kaorin took a few deep breaths, and took a quick glance from the corner of her eyes. Fortunately, Sakaki-san was still looking straight ahead, without noticing her companion's flushed cheeks.
Strangely, she seemed even more aloof and quiet than usual. When Kaorin had told her that a teacher wished to speak to her, she had just voiced a soft "Aa", and nothing more since then. Kaorin hoped that the nice surprise Mr Muraki was about to give her would cheer her up.
It was lucky that Sakaki-san had stayed behind to help Chihiro tidy up the P.E. storeroom; otherwise Kaorin would have arrived too late. As she had entered the gym, her good friend Chihiro had immediately slipped away, leaving her alone with Sakaki-san.

And did the short-haired girl really wink at her before departing? ... No, it must have been a trick of the light, thought Kaorin, as another heat wave spread across her whole body and face.
She was so flustered that she almost missed the door to Mr Muraki's "office".
"Umm, h ... here it is, Sakaki-san!"
"Oh. Isn't this an old storage room? Why are we here?"
" Well, um, Muraki-sensei is actually an inspector for the Ministry of Education, so ... I suppose he was given this room as a temporary office. Although it's, umm, strange ... Well anyway, he wishes to talk to you, Sakaki-san."
Oh ... do you know what for?"
" Well, you might be surprised, hehe ... "
The two girls entered a large, dusty, windowless room, lit by humming halogen tubes, which projected an eerie and depressing light upon the floor. The room was almost empty, with a simple desk and two chairs standing in the middle. Muraki was leaning casually against his desk, observing the two girls with his small, sharp eyes.
The wiry man crossed the room towards the girls, who bowed. He smiled tightly and passed them, stopping in front of the entrance. After quickly checking the empty hall, he closed the door, turning back towards Kaorin and Sakaki.
"So, here you are, Sakaki ... -san, right?"
"Yes, Sensei," replied the tall girl, bowing again.
"Do you know why you are here?"
" Umm, no, I don't ... I'm sorry, Sensei."
"All right, if you want to play it this way ... "
The guidance counselor walked back to his desk in quick strides, took off his blazer, and laid it over one of the chairs.
"No point in putting this off any further with idle chit-chat, right?"
He then removed his tie and put it over his vest.
" ... Oh, by the way, you'll be interested to know that the Principal has given me carte blanche in the matter."
He smirked, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt.
"What is he talking about?" whispered Sakaki to her smaller friend.
"I ... I don't know, Sakaki-san," replied Kaorin, bewildered by Mr Muraki's puzzling actions and scary expression.
"I don't know what you've been trying to pull, but the little mind-tricks you used on your classmates won't work on me. I wonder how you could even begin to imagine scaring someone like me; I'm a professional re-educator, after all."
"Anyway, Ojô-san, I think you need a little lesson in reality. First, you should learn that you can't play in a Man's world with impunity."
As the "professional re-educator" was attempting to intimidate and stare down the puzzled girl, he observed her face intently, waiting for a reaction.
"What's with that deadpan face? Is she playing dumb, or something? Well, in any case, she doesn't look dangerous to me. With her height and stern look, maybe she could trick some ordinary moron into believing she's strong; but to me, who is used to sensing aggressiveness in people, I can tell she's harmless."
"Well, Ojô-san, are you going to stand there like that, or are you going to show me what you've got?"
Sakaki had absolutely no idea what the scary man in front of her was trying to say. However, it dawned upon her that she was in trouble ... he was obviously scolding her, and she was probably about to be punished. Surely, her past misdemeanors had caught up to her, and had been exposed to the teachers!
But then, why wasn't she called to the Principal's office? She didn't recognise this man at all; he was neither a teacher, nor a supervisor from the school.
Since he was supposed to be from the Ministry of Education, and had called himself a re-educator, maybe ... maybe she was about to be sent to a reformatory institution? Maybe her parents had heard about her bad and violent actions and now wanted to send her away?
And what about Kaori, who had brought her to this man? Did she consider her as a dangerous person, who needed to be expelled? If sweet, gentle Kaori saw her like that, then ... then it was true, she really deserved what was happening to her!
Sakaki suddenly felt as if her lungs and stomach were painfully crushed from within. Hot shivers overwhelmed her body. It seemed to her as if the whole world was collapsing around her; she had never been hit by her parents, and couldn't even remember having been punished for anything bad during her childhood. And now, the unthinkable was happening!
"Hmm, still no reaction ... " thought Muraki, considering the immobile girl. "It's better if I don't make the first move; it would put a stain on my reputation if I mess up a girl too much. Ok, I'll try a little bluff next; hopefully she'll break down ... or it'll rile her up enough to make her attack me recklessly ... then I can take her down easily. In any case, it'll be fun to see the reaction of the other bitch when I break her idol right in front of her, hehehe ... "
"Anyway," he drawled, "no matter what you try, Ojô-san, the outcome will be the same. For you AND your little girlfriend here ... because you're both in it together. After all, I know everything about your forbidden ... affair."
Sakaki had trouble concentrating on the re-educator's speech. She was starting to feel very dizzy; the man was still talking, but she couldn't put any meaning to his words ... was he accusing her of having done something improper to Kaorin?
She noticed the horrified expression on her ex-classmate's face. In the dreary light of the fluorescent tubes, the poor girl looked completely ashen; it almost seemed as if her hair had turned white. Was she disgusted with her? Or was she afraid of being punished too, because of her?
The tall man smirked and took a step towards his prey. Suddenly, Sakaki felt a strange and unpleasant shiver creeping up her spine towards the back of her head. She remembered this sensation from each time she had been confronted with physical violence. What was happening? Was this person about to hit her? Did she actually deserve such a punishment?
With dread, she suddenly recalled Miss Wang telling her something disturbing; something about yang energy traveling up the spine just before a person goes into a survival state of mind, and tries to destroy everything perceived as a threat ... Was she about to lose control again, and react violently, out of proportion? And what about those horrible things described in the book Ayumu-chan had given her?
Sakaki tried to apply her sensei's Chi-kung techniques to quench her fear, breathing in deeply and picturing the life force filling her entire body, soothing away harmful tension. However, her efforts proved futile, as she was suddenly assailed with doubts about Miss Wang and her teachings.
The tall girl lowered her head, hugging herself, and whispered hoarsely:
"Please, don't come near me. It's ... it's too dangerous ... "
Muraki's smirk widened.
"Well, what do you know, the bluff is working! She really has done the dirty deed with that other bitch, just as I thought. Hah! And now she's breaking down in fear! Pathetic! And the look on her little girlfriend's face is priceless!"
"P ... please stay away ... I mean ... the truth is, I'm the one who's dangerous ! I ... I don't want to hurt you. Please."
The re-educator's smile vanished.
"What are you trying to pull, bitch?" he growled.
Suddenly the door was thrust open and an angry voice screamed:
"MURAKI MAKOTO!"
The counselor turned towards the entrance and gawked, as a muscular, spiky-haired blond boy burst into the room, followed by five female students. One of these girls was really small, looking like an elementary school kid, despite the High School uniform she was wearing.
"Wh ... what the Hell are YOU doing here, you freak?" shouted Muraki, immediately recognizing his former enemy, Yamamoto Brad.
The half-American boy gave him a cocky grin. "Heheheh ... this is what they call °revenge° ... prepare yourself, Muraki!"
"Hey, look!" exclaimed Tomo, "the mysterious message told the truth after all! The lair of the evil re-educator was right here as predicted! And he's obviously up to no good!"
The five girls' eyes went from Sakaki's huddled, trembling form, to the frozen Kaorin, who looked on the verge of fainting.
" What the ... don't tell me ... this story is true, after all?" whispered Yomi.
"Damn it!" yelled an infuriated Muraki. "Is that some sort of machination against me? Are all of you crazy bitches in this together? This is not a game! Don't you realise I'm here on behalf of the bloody Ministry of Education?"
Yamamoto Brad turned towards his "big sister" and gave her the V-sign.
"Heh, don't worry, Aneki, you don't need to waste your time fighting the likes of him. I've already been expelled from this school, and don't have anything to loose! So I'll take care of this for you. Yeah, that's the kind of °cool guy° I am ... "
He struck a "manly" pose, closing his eyes for a second; then faced his enemy again.
" °Okaay°, let's do this ... OOF!"
As the cocky boy had been busy showing off, Muraki had jumped at the opportunity to take him by surprise; he rushed him, violently driving a knee in his gut. Then, seizing him by the back of his head, he struck him again several times with the same knee, like the experienced kickboxer he was.
Yamamoto tried to absorb the hits by crossing his arms in front of his body; but Muraki released him, and switched to a barrage of elbows and fists. The younger boy tried frantically to block the strikes with crossed forearms, but he was overwhelmed as the re-educator rained down lightning-fast blows upon him.
The girls gaped, frozen solid by the sudden explosion of violence. Sakaki closed her eyes, her breathing becoming more and more ragged.
Screaming in rage, Yamamoto suddenly rushed forward, relinquishing his defense and taking a few more hits in the process. He body-slammed his opponent, driving him back, then executed a spectacular spinning kick that Muraki dodged barely with a backwards jump.
Pressing his advantage, the spiky-haired boy resumed his charge, and shot his fist towards his hated enemy's face. Unfortunately, he was stopped right in his tracks by a perfectly executed cross-counter, simultaneously deflecting his attack to the side and smashing him in the jaw.
Yamamoto Brad staggered backwards with a painful grunt and lost his footing, falling down on his bottom.
He was looking worse for the wear, having taken quite a few hits on the face and body; he was bleeding from the nose, had a split lip and several bruises around his eyes and jaw.
Despite all this, he grinned insanely and jumped back to his feet.
"Heh, I see you've improved that deadly cross-counter of yours, Muraki ... also, I see that you're still a sneaky bastard!"
" ... And I see that you're still a freak of nature," growled the counselor. "How many punches in your demented face do you need to stay down?"
"Hehehe ... your punches have no °Spirit°! But as for me, I only need one hit to bring YOU down! See, after our little encounter last year, I trained and trained, shedding sweat, blood and tears to develop a special attack ... a special attack designed just with you in mind! So, let's see if you can counter THIS! Haaaaaaaaah!"
Abruptly, Yamamoto's eyes widened and all of his muscles bulged, making him look like a character in a violent shônen manga powering up for a "chi attack".
"BAKUYAKU TÔKI HIZUME-KEN!"
As Muraki watched his foe rushing him head-on with his arm cocked back for a powerful punch, he smirked and prepared to deliver his cross-counter; however at the last moment, he jumped out of the way in alarm.
"What the Hell was that? There ... there seemed to be some sort of vortex around his arm! Is that ... a chi attack? This sort of thing really exists? "
The guidance counselor glanced behind him and gaped, noticing that his desk and chairs had been toppled over, although Yamamoto was standing a couple of meters away, arm extended.
"Oh my God! Did you see that?" shouted Tomo. "He just launched a kamehameha! He's really a Super Saiya-Jin fighter! ... And Sakaki managed to defeat that guy last time? Whoa!"
"Heh, that's right," drawled the spiky-haired boy, facing his opponent again. "I've used that attack many times against strong opponents, and only Aneki was ever able to counter it. So it will be more than enough to crush a coward like you! ORRRRAAAAAA!"
Once again, Muraki managed to dodge the powerful attack; however he felt a strong air wave blowing back his hair, as the fist missed him by a few centimeters.
"No matter how much you try to run away, you're still going down in the end, Muraki!"
The two combatants circled each other for a few moments ... suddenly, just as his opponent was charging again with a loud war-cry, the re-educator jumped back towards the group of girls who were still standing near the entrance. They scattered, except Chiyo and Osaka, too slow to react.
"Chiyo-chan! Osaka! Move!" shouted Kagura.
Just as the crazy boy was about to strike, Muraki grabbed Chiyo by the back of her uniform, and easily lifting the small body, thrust her forward in the way of the attack.
"Kyaaaaa!" screamed the little girl in fear, as Yamamoto's fist barreled at an insane speed towards her face.
At the high-pitched cry, Sakaki snapped out of her trance, and reached desperately towards her small friend. She knew that she was too far away to move and save her in time.
"CHIYO-CHAN!"
Taken by surprise, Yamamoto tried to interrupt his motion, but he had already committed himself completely into his attack; there was no way he'd be able to prevent his fist from striking the poor little girl who had suddenly appeared in front of him.
At the very last moment, his arm somehow deviated to the side, barely missing the delicate face. Yet, Chiyo's head was blown back by the strong air wave spiraling around the fist. The ribbons which secured her pigtails snapped, and her hair fluttered around her face.
"Wh ... what the Hell happened?" thought Yamamoto, bewildered.
He suddenly sensed movement from the corner of his eye. The strange, thin girl who had greeted him earlier was pushing with both hands on his left fist, which had been drawn back as the other was thrust forward. As a result, with a just a small amount of force, she had managed to pivot him towards her, making him miss his target.
Unfortunately, Yamamoto was carried along with his momentum, and the inner part of his forearm smacked her on the side of the head. She collapsed to the ground without a sound.
"°Shit!°" exclaimed the blond boy, reaching for the fallen girl. He noticed too late Muraki's foot shooting towards him ... it hit him violently in the side, cutting off his breath, and propelling him backwards.
As the re-educator was tearing into the hapless teenager with a flurry of blows, Chiyo who had been unceremoniously dropped to the ground, rushed towards the still form of her friend.
"Oh, my God! O ... Osaka-san! Hang in there! Please!"
The frail girl's eyes fluttered open; she sat up slowly, holding her head in her hands, moaning softly.
"Ooooh ... I lost consciousness for a moment here ... that's the second time today. The world of fighting sure is merciless! Ah! Chiyo-chan ! I must save Chiyo-chan!"
"I'm here, Osaka-san! Please don't move!"
"Chiyo-chan? Eh? Did he knock off your pigtails?" asked Osaka weakly, trying to focus on the small girl kneeling in front of her. " ... OH MY GOD, CHIYO-CHAN! You're bleeding!"
"Eh?" Chiyo touched her brow where her friend was pointing. There was actually a small cut on the side of her eyebrow, and a thin red trickle of blood was running down her cheek. As she saw the crimson liquid on her fingers, she froze.
"Ah ... Ah! B ... blood!"
Osaka immediately reached forward, and engulfed her friend in a hug, pressing the small body against her chest. She quickly took out a handkerchief from her pocket, and started carefully cleaning Chiyo's face, while whispering reassuring words into her ear.
Meanwhile, Yamamoto had finally collapsed under his opponent's relentless assault, falling down hard on the ground. The counselor didn't let him the chance to recover though, kicking him mercilessly in the sides a few times, sending him into in a world of pain.
" ... And stay down, you stupid retard!"
As Muraki was about to kick his fallen opponent in the head for good measure, he suddenly felt a small fist hit him in the side of his face, staggering him backwards.
"Stop it you bastard! You'll kill him!" shouted Kagura, arm still extended from the punch.
"Shit! You'll regret hitting me, you bitch!" growled the tall man, holding his bruised jaw.
"Oh yeah? I ... I'll take you on!"
"Stop it, Kagura! Calm down," urged Yomi, putting a hand on her infuriated friend's shoulder. She glared at the re-educator. "Why did you do all of this? Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"
"Heh, what are you talking about? This is called self-defense!"
"Self-defense? You were the one who actually initiated the fight! And you call yourself a re-educator? You won't get away with this! We'll inform the teachers!"
"Ooh? Please do so. Did I mention that I was called here by your Vice-principal? You girls are the ones who are in trouble!"
"What? We're all witnesses here! We just saw you beat down someone brutally! And you caused two innocent bystanders to get hurt! You even used a little girl as your shield! You coward!"
"Hehehe ... you're quite naïve, Ojô-chan. Let me tell you the official version of what took place here:
"Yamamoto Brad is a well-known juvenile delinquent, who has been kicked out of several schools -- including this one -- for various acts of violence. Earlier today, he was informed by his accomplices of my presence here. He had been looking for me to exact 'revenge', because I had been the one to enforce one of his previous expulsions.
"Despite having been expressly banned from appearing on school grounds again, he sneaked in with the help of said accomplices, and assaulted me right in my office. I tried to reason with him, asking him to back down for the sake of his former classmates, who might get hurt if a fight took place in this confined place ... but despite my best efforts, he went berserk and attacked me recklessly, injuring two bystanders in the process. Which let me unfortunately no other choice than to use force ...
"So, what do you think? Quite a good story, right?"
"Why you! Do you really think you can ... "
"Oh, right, I forgot! You girls were the ones to bring him into my office, right? This obviously makes you his accomplices; especially the one over there, whom he called 'big sister'. Moreover, you ladies even tried to gang up on me and attack me! My, my, what a group of violent girls! How unseemly ... and I thought this was such a model school, too! I wonder what the Principal will say to that ... You're obviously in very deep trouble, ladies ... "
"Wh ... how ... you ... " sputtered Yomi, appalled.
"Hmm, what are we going to do with you? Such unruly behavior can't be excused easily ... " the guidance counselor smirked.
"If ... if you want to expel someone, expel me ... " growled Kagura. "But leave Sakaki and the others alone, or, or ... I'll hurt you!" The athletic girl was putting up a brave front, glaring daggers at the tall man; but her heart was beating wildly and sweat trickled down her face.
"Hey, I'm with you Kagura ... " said Tomo, whose eyes were somewhat feverish. She slowly picked up one of the upturned chairs. "Listen, how about we REALLY gang up on him, and beat him up until he's in no state to tell anything to the Principal? ... You're with us, Sakaki?"
"Unforgivable ..."
All heads turned towards the tall girl. She was somewhat hunched over herself, head lowered, shoulders heaving with each painful breath. Her knuckles were white from gripping the fabric of her skirt.
" ... Unforgivable ... unforgivable ... unforgivable ... " she was whispering over and over in a low, hoarse voice.
"Sakaki-chan!" suddenly spoke Osaka in a louder tone than her usual gentle one. "Please, punish this evil person! He hurt Chiyo-chan! Look! He made Chiyo-chan bleed! She's really bleeding! Please punish him!"
Still trembling, the tall girl took a few slow steps towards the re-educator, as her friends watched intently.
"Sakaki!"
"Sakaki-chan!"
"A ... Aneki! Hnnghh ... O ... oww ... "
"S ... Sakaki-san!"
Poor, emotive Kaorin had been completely horror-struck from the very beginning; she was shaking like a leaf, clutching her hands against her chest, struggling to stay upright. Not only had the nice man she had trusted changed into an evil demon, but she herself had been the one to deliver her beloved right into his clutches!
"Shit, I'm starting to have enough of you crazy broads!" growled Muraki "Ok, no more Mr Nice Guy now; I'm gonna ... what the ... ?"
Sakaki took another step towards the counselor, raising her head slowly. He instantly broke in a cold sweat, and his breath caught in his throat.
"Wh ... what the Hell is this? That ... that woman! She ... she SERIOUSLY WANTS TO KILL ME!"
Through his successful "career," Muraki had fought a lot of angry opponents, some of them really intent on hurting him. One could say that making his opponents angry was his specialty; they usually attacked sloppily, allowing him to use his perfect counters and take them down without breaking a sweat.
He was used to looking into furious, screaming faces, with red-flushed skin and dilated pupils. Yet the girl in front of him was deathly pale, and he could barely distinguish the shrunken pupils in the center of her wide, glazed-over eyes. Being on the receiving end of a truly murderous glare was not something he was used to. The wiry man froze up as his opponent continued approaching him, and raised her hand in the air.
" Wh ... why is she coming head-on like that, with her arm raised? Is that a feint? Is ... is she hiding a knife in her other hand? Shiiiit! Why ... why can't I move? I've got to move! "
"Oh my God, now you've done it! You've made her angry! Run for your life, idiot!" shouted Yomi.
As for Sakaki herself, she was feeling horribly nauseous, and was desperately trying to resist a terrible urge to slap with all her might the person in front of her, the person who had hurt her friends.
"Unforgivable ... unforgivable! Chiyo-chan! Ayumu-chan! Why, Why? ... Aah ... what is happening to me? I just want to slap him! I don't care anymore what happens ... I don't care! I just ... I just need to slap this person, right now! "
With feline grace, Sakaki suddenly dashed forward, and brought down her hand upon her opponent.
"UNFORGIVABLE!"
"GYAAAHH!"
The re-educator raised his left arm reflexively to block the attack, and tensed up for impact. The palm hit him right in the middle of the forearm. It wasn't a particularly strong or fast swing; but the tall girl seemed to shudder just as it connected, and Muraki felt a shock wave sweeping through his whole body, down to the soles of his feet. His knees buckled and he staggered backwards, stomach churning, ears ringing. A dull, throbbing pain started to spread inside his arm.
"Wh ... what was that? My arm! Hnghh ... It's ... it's like the muscles are tetanizing! How? ... HOLY SHIT! THE STUFF IN THE BOOK IS FRIGGING REAL!"
Sakaki retracted her hand, as a jolt of pain went through her palm, where the hornet had stung her the day before. In desperation, she raised her left hand and resumed her advance towards her opponent.
"Aah ... I feel so bad! I hurt all over ... Please ... Please let me slap you once!"
Everybody held their breath as Sakaki prepared to launch a second assault.
"Shit, shit, shit, SHIT! Move, Muraki, move! If that attack connects with my head, I'M FRIGGING DEAD! I've got to take her down first! It's me or her! This ... this is self-preservation!"
In order to strengthen his will and bring back his body under control, the terrified re-educator let out a loud scream.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"
Driven by a primal urge she didn't understand, Sakaki felt her lungs painfully fill up with air, and responded with her own scream, completely drowning out her opponent's. She poured into it all of her desperation, fear, frustrations, and sadness which had accumulated inside her heart over the weeks.
"IIIIIIIYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"
To the occupants of the room it sounded like a deafening roar of rage, reverberating throughout the whole floor, and forcing them to cover their ears.
Left arm raised, Sakaki shot forward towards her opponent, who in turn launched his cross-counter with his good arm.
"That's it! Perfect timing! Take this, bitch!" thought Muraki triumphantly as he stepped right inside the tall girl's swing, head tucked protectively behind his shoulder, driving his fist towards her unprotected face.
"Sakaki!" shouted Kagura in alarm.
"Aneki, don't!"
A sharp crack echoed through the room, and the limp body of the guidance counselor collapsed to the floor in a shapeless heap.
Silence filled the room; nobody dared to move for a minute. Sakaki lowered her arm slowly, staring vacantly at the body lying at her feet.
" Wh ... what happened?" whispered Kagura. "I was sure Sakaki got hit, but ... but he was the one to go down instead."
"I saw it," said Yamamoto, getting painfully to his feet. There were a lot of bruises on his face, and he was clutching his abdomen with one hand. "She ... she actually managed to counter a cross-counter! I didn't know such a thing was even possible."
"Eh?"
"That bastard got inside her guard, and aimed for her face; but she deflected his fist to the side with just a small bump of her shoulder. And at the same time, her arm hit him behind the neck like a whip! Such a simple move ... yet to pull it off in that kind of situation it would require super-human reflexes and flexibility! I've never seen something like that; that's totally °high-level°! Just as expected from Aneki."
"Is ... is he dead?" asked Yomi, approaching the body cautiously.
"Yeah, likely," said the blond boy flippantly. "Taking a surprise hit to the neck like that is especially deadly. With the kind of strength Aneki used, she must have made him a paraplegic, to the very least."
"Oh my God!"
"Hmm, let's see ... " said Tomo, poking him a few times with her foot. "Hey, his leg twitched! He's still alive, and he doesn't seem to be paralyzed either!"
"Oh well, Aneki chose to be merciful, after all. She spared him, because she knows I still have a score to settle with him! Isn't that right, Aneki? That's totally °cool° of you!"
Sakaki, still staring blankly into space, turned around, and marched out of the room without a word.
"Sakaki!"
"Let her be, Kagura," said Yomi, resting a hand on her classmate's shoulder. "I think it's better to let her cool down for now."
"R ... right."
"Oh no!" suddenly exclaimed Osaka, who was still holding Chiyo close to her. "Look! Kaorin-chan has fainted! Quick! We must bring her to the nurse!"

Muraki Makoto, looking somewhat frazzled and haggard, was slowly heading towards the car park. His left arm was hanging limply at his side, and he didn't seem very steady on his legs.
He had regained consciousness a few minutes earlier inside his empty office, where he had been left lying. Since then, he was plagued with a terrible headache, and was feeling sharp jolts of pain inside his arm, shooting randomly through his shoulder, elbow and fingers.
As he had reached his car, he started fumbling for his car keys inside his pockets with his good hand.
"Ara, ara, Muraki-sensei ... " spoke a sardonic voice from behind him. "Leaving us so soon?"
Startled, the guidance counselor whirled around, and found himself facing three teachers, who were watching him with various expressions. Tanizaki-sensei was grinning, looking rather triumphant; Kurosawa-sensei was glaring daggers at him; as for Kimura-sensei, his gaping face was unreadable, eyes hidden behind glowing round glasses.
"Well, I don't blame you," continued Yukari. "I mean, it has been a tiring day for you, after all ... And don't worry, there's no need to make a report to the Vice-principal; while you were ... resting, Kimura-sensei already notified him of today's events."
"Ahem. Actually, I have taken the liberty of informing Gotô-sensei of your wish to take a health leave of absence from this establishment, before you return to the Ministry of Education," said the lanky man, adjusting his glasses.
"Yeah, you obviously need one; and you'd BETTER take it," growled Minamo.
Muraki nodded numbly, glancing nervously from one teacher to another.
"Ah, Sensei, here you are!" spoke a soft voice from behind the small group.
"Eh? Osaka? What are you doing here?" asked Yukari. "I thought you were in the infirmary, with the others."
"Well, Kaorin has already left home, and Chiyo-chan's parents came to pick her up a few minutes ago. As for Buladdo-kun, he is still being bandaged by the nurse ... "
"How about you, Osaka? Are you alright?" asked Minamo, concerned.
"Oh, I'm fine. Actually, I was about to leave and drop Sakaki-chan's schoolbag at her home; she forgot it inside Muraki-sensei's office. Oh, but before, I need to tell something to Mr Counsellor ... something of utmost importance, concerning his health. What was it again? Wait ... "
The frail girl rummaged through the bag she was holding, and pulled out a black book with a skull on its cover. Muraki's eyes widened.
"Hmm, let's see ... what page was it again?" asked herself Osaka, leafing through the tome. "Ah! Here it is! Pressure points on the neck ... Anôoo ... etôoo ... how do you translate °Stomatovisceral°, Yukari-sensei?"
The re-educator twitched.
"Give me that," ordered Yukari, snatching the book from her student's hands. "Okay ... it says:
' ... Hitting the Conception Vessel N°20 point is already quite deadly in itself. However, you can increase the damage tenfold by hitting beforehand the Pericardium N°6 point, located on the Median Nerve in the forearm. Attacking both these points in a sequence will cause a fatal Stomatovisceral Reflex of the heart, due to the convergence of the Peripheral Median Nerve with the internal Sympathetic Nervous System on the T1 Intercostal level of the spinal cord.
'In layman's terms, it basically means you'll make his heart BURST messily! That'll teach the bastard to mess with you and your loved ones! ... And if you feel REALLY pissed, you can use a Vibrating Palm strike, which will delay the effects of the technique by one hour! That will give him the opportunity to reflect on his actions before he dies a gruesome death!
'Note: The only way to reverse the effects is to bring him to a hospital before the delay expires and inject him with a powerful Antiarithmic drug.' ... uhh, Osaka, what does all that gibberish mean, anyway?"
"Well, it means Muraki-sensei 's heart is in danger of exploding at any moment! Um, what time is it now?" Osaka glanced at her watch. "Oh my! ... Already! But that means there is only ... hmm ... that is ... what time did the fight actually occur, exactly? Anôoo ... etôoo ... etôoo ... AAH!"
"Wh ... what?" choked out the hapless re-educator.
"°Oh my God!°" cried out the young girl in English. "You only have thirteen minutes left! Quick! We must hurry!"
"Hm , I think calling an ambulance to fetch you and bring you to the hospital will take too much time," said Yukari grimly. " ... Ok, you know what? Since I'm such a nice gal, I'll drive you there directly! It'll take us only five minutes. All right, Muraki. Give me your car keys; you're not in shape to drive anyway."
"I ... I ... "
A slightly maniacal glint lit up inside the English teacher's eyes.
"Give. Me. Your. Car. Keys."
The terrified man quickly deposited the keys in her outstretched palm.
"Hmm, that's a nice little sports-car you have there," purred Yukari, sitting down behind the wheel. "A V6 engine? Very nice ... "
As the black car sped away with a loud screech of tires, Minamo shook her head.
"Does she even know what 'V6' means, anyway?"
She sighed, and turned towards the bespectacled man next to her. "Say, Kimura-sensei?"
"Hai, Nyamo-sensei?"
"Don't call me that. And please don't make any more absurd plans like this in the future! We were lucky it didn't result in a complete disaster ... By the way, what did the Vice-principal say when you told him about, um ... the failure of his special re-educator?"
"Well, as a matter of fact ... he said he would try to look for a stronger one next time."
"N ... next time?" a small bead of sweat trickled down Minamo's brow.
"AAH!"
"What is it, Osaka?"
"Actually, the Conception Vessel N°20 point is located on the torso, not the back of the neck. I must have made a mistake because those two pages were stuck together. Hmm, looks like there was no need to worry about Muraki-sensei's heart, after all!"
"After a car ride with Yukari, I'd worry about my heart, all right ... "

Chapter 14

Title: Interlude

[Author's notes:
Author's notes: This chapter will seem strange, because it is actually a fusion with a non-Japanese animated film I love.
Yes, I know it's definitely not a good idea to do that kind of thing ... but since I finally managed to get back to writing fanfiction after a (forced) one-year break, I'm allowed to doing something foolish at least once (besides, that story itself is foolish in the first place).
Anyway, the animé in question was made in the 70's; as I said, it is not Japanese, but rather well-known in Japan -- according to Miyazaki Hayao of Studio Ghibli fame, it was this film who gave him the idea of using "vertical space" extensively in his own creations.
If anyone recognizes this animé, he / she will have won ... umm ... will have won ... the right to read better chapters from now on (maybe).
]

Interlude: Among the clouds
(Where a lone girl struggles against Tyranny ... )
A young girl with shoulder-length brown hair framing a pretty and serene face was standing idly in the middle of a small meadow. A sleeveless blue sundress covered her thin frame, and a wide-brimmed straw hat rested on her head, protecting her from the sun’s rays. She glanced around, taking in her surroundings.
Her soft, brown eyes wandered about the bare, yellowish ground stretching out beyond the horizon. As far as she could see, the land seemed devoid of human presence. She was standing in one of the rare patches of thin grass widely scattered about the landscape.
Here and there, a few twisted, dead trees rose pitifully from the ground. It was as if something had sucked the life out of this barren land.
"Hmm ... I seem to have ended up in the Kingdom of Tachycardia," whispered the young girl to herself.
A chilly gust of wind wrapped itself around her body; she shivered, her delicate hand holding onto her straw hat to prevent it from flying away.
Squinting, she spotted the faint outline of a strange structure in the distance. Although it seemed to be far away from where she was standing, it rose well above the horizon. It had to be incredibly tall, she thought to herself.
The girl started to walk towards the shape ... By a strange contraction of time, she suddenly found herself standing in close proximity to the great structure, able to behold it in all its glory.
It was a castle--a castle of gigantic, unreal proportions, utterly dwarfing the greatest skyscrapers she had ever seen. She had no idea of its exact height, but wouldn't have been surprised to hear it reached one full Kilometre.
More than its mere height, the castle's most prominent feature was its sheer eccentricity; it was made up of countless constructions of varying sizes, styles and eras, entangled in a mad architectural chaos.
Its base was encircled by thick crenelated ramparts; overhanging the foundations stood an ancient Greek temple, flanked by massive Gothic bastions and donjons. Higher up, a collection of small, elegant baroque pavilions was scattered among imposing classical edifices adorned with golden domes.
Everywhere, slender turrets with pointy roofs seemed to sprout from the larger buildings, which were all connected together by many bridges, aqueducts and endlessly long staircases.
Even higher among the immense structure flourished constructions of more modern design; tall, oppressive stone buildings whose facades were endowed with countless small windows.
Lastly, from the top of this monumental assemblage, rose a great column on top of which rested a dainty, miniature castle, straight out of a fairytale.
"Hmm, this is why the land looks so gloomy and empty," mused the young girl; "that huge castle must be somehow absorbing its whole life-force."
Making up her mind, she climbed up the stone staircase leading to the main gates, and soon found herself inside the ramparts. She wandered aimlessly between the various buildings of the first level, crossing squares, gardens and promenades.
Strangely, although everything looked incredibly pristine and perfectly kept, she didn't meet one single soul. Silence reigned, except for the occasional echo of her own light steps upon marble tiles.
After sightseeing for a while, the young girl started to feel ill at ease. Something seemed off with the whole picture ...
Observing her surroundings more closely, she finally realized that the whole decor served one--and only one--purpose: the glorification of the King.
Truly, the whole castle was one gigantic monument dedicated to the glory of the monarch. Every facade bore his name carved in golden letters; every flag wore his coat of arms; every sculpture or painting displayed his august personage.
The girl frowned, noting that the King didn't seem to be a very pleasant fellow, if one was to judge by the pompous expression every single one of his depictions wore. She shuddered, glancing at the many statues, portraying him as a Roman emperor, a Greek deity, a hunter, a winged cherub ... Even the box trees in the gardens were trimmed as to resemble his haughty visage.
Suddenly, the young girl heard the call of a horn in the distance. Drawn towards the sound, she came across a small crowd gathered at the bottom of a wide marble staircase leading to a particularly beautiful building. Above a huge arch enclosing the entrance, a golden inscription read: Glory to His Majesty Charles V+III = VIII+VIII = XVI, King of Tachycardia.
Joining the assembly, the girl wandered about various groups of courtiers and sycophants dressed in flamboyant costumes; they were chatting among themselves and trading gossip in hushed tones. Nobody seemed to pay attention to the inconspicuous girl in a plain sundress and straw hat.
Standing at attention beside the crowd were several burly, mustached policemen, clad in black jumpsuits and bowler hats. They all looked frighteningly similar, and were armed with big revolvers hanging at their sides.
Next to the policemen stood a dozen musicians in red hunting costumes, ready to blow into their brass horns.
The young girl noticed with worry that the policemen were guarding a small cage set on a wooden table.
After a short while, the great doors opened slowly, and the King of Tachycardia himself appeared.
He was seated on a small throne which was, strangely, gliding forward all by itself. The King activated a lever and his mobile throne stopped in front of the stair head.
The girl looked up, finally able to see the monarch in the flesh after having been subjected to the sight of his many statues.
Despite his elegant suit and billowing cape designed to make him look more broad-shouldered than he really was, he seemed much less imposing than his stone counterparts.
He was a rather short-legged, pot-bellied fellow bearing a contemptuous expression. He had a pear-shaped face with chubby cheeks, and a large aquiline nose. A long, black, thin mustache and a small round goatee framed his cruel, downturned mouth. Under a big golden crown, he was cocking an eyebrow disdainfully as he glanced down upon his subjects.
Two lackeys in purple suits approached the sovereign and exchanged his crown and scepter for a green feathered hunting hat and a scoped rifle.
Holding his weapon casually over the arm, and resting his other hand against the hip, the King began his descent upon the stairs in a slow, affected gait, as the musicians sounded a brisk hunting fanfare.
With disgust, the young girl realized that the King's idea of "hunting" obviously was to shoot the poor creature imprisoned inside the cage. Peering from between two policemen, she tried to have a better look at the animal cowering behind the wooden bars.
Gasping in horror, she discovered it wasn't some kind of bird as she had surmised, but an incredibly small pigtailed girl -- not bigger than a man's hand -- clad in a miniature pink dress. Huddled inside her prison, the poor fairy-like creature was shedding big, crystal tears.
As the King neared his "hunting grounds", the chief policeman walked up to the table and opened the cage. The tiny girl timidly peeked outside the opening; but she quickly retreated inside her prison in fright, as she caught sight of the King already taking aim with his rifle.
Annoyed, the policeman grasped the cage and started to shake it violently, until the small child dropped onto the table, dazed and swirly-eyed. He nudged her over the edge of the table, and she took flight by fluttering her pigtails at a rapid pace.
From behind the line of policemen, the young girl rushed forward, hoping to rescue the tiny being, or at least shield her from the bullets with her own body. However, one of the black-clad men barred her way with a meaty arm, grunting in annoyance. The frail girl struggled feebly, and started to cry as her efforts proved futile. She tried to scream, but only a weak sob escaped her lips.
As the miniature child slowly rose in the air, the King took aim with his hunting rifle, carefully peering through the scope ...
He fired. And missed his target by a mile.
Despite this rather unimpressive display of marksmanship, the crowd started to clap and cheer for the sovereign, who waved casually at his sycophants, smiling in false modesty.
"Bravo!" "Beautiful shot, your Majesty!" "Very good form! What elegance!" "Bravo!"
The young girl sighed in relief, noticing a detail she had overlooked about the King: he was terribly cross-eyed.
Suddenly, a loud bellow echoed throughout the area, startling everyone.
"AAAASSASSIN!"
A flying, ovoid-shaped, yellow being descended upon the group, describing a lazy arc, and snatched the tiny pigtailed child in mid-air. It floated to a tall statue portraying the King as a Roman emperor, and perched itself on top of its laurel-crowned head.
Sighing in relief, the young girl dried her tears and stared at the impromptu rescuer, taking in his oddly familiar cat-like features.
"Indeed, I will say it again: A-SSA-SSIN!" proclaimed the mysterious feline in a deep, drawling voice. "Now, will you look at that sorry piece of work: some nasty, wretched fellow, shooting at a poor soul for no reason! And they call that ... 'Your Majesty,' ha!" he scoffed, gesturing disdainfully at the monarch with a spaghetti-like arm.
The miniature girl, still clinging to her savior, blew the King a raspberry.
"Addressing me in such a tone," growled the ruler of Tachycardia. "Insolent feline!"
In rage, he took aim and fired a shot with his rifle, blowing off the nose of his statue.
"This time, a feline I am not! Although I look like this, I am ... a bird! And I bid you Farewell! Muahahahahaa!"
The yellow creature lifted off from his perch, looking down upon the audience with a smug expression.
The policemen drew their revolvers and started firing in his direction. To their dismay, the bullets bounced harmlessly off his seemingly indestructible body. He let out another booming laugh and continued his ascension unfazed.
Infuriated, the King hastily climbed up the marble stairs, snatched his crown and sceptre from a lackey, and drove away at full speed in his mobile throne.
The young girl watched the crowd of disconcerted courtiers disperse, leaving her all alone at the bottom of the staircase. She looked up at the yellow form disappearing among the impossibly high buildings.
All of a sudden, she started to feel ill at ease again; somehow, she was having a premonition that the little pigtailed girl would find herself in danger again soon, and that no one would be able to save her for a second time.
How would she be able to reach her in time and protect her from harm? She couldn't possibly climb the thousands of staircases that led to the top of the castle!
Searching through the pockets of her dress, she came across a pair of strange items: ellipsoidal, chestnut, and silky ... magical pigtails!
"Ah, I think I remember now," spoke the young girl; "I did something very bad a while ago, and as a punishment I had to fly somewhere far away ... and I ended up in this horrible place."
She glanced up towards the sky, her soft features setting themselves into a resolute expression.
"Now is not the time to dillydally. Now ... it is time to fly!"
She discarded her straw hat and boldly thrust the pigtails against the sides of her head. They attached themselves neatly with a small "click."
The magical pigtails started to flutter faster and faster, and soon the young girl managed to lift off, rising slowly along the facades of the huge castle.
Glancing upwards hopefully, she spotted the yellow shape coming again into view. She willed the pigtails to increase their flapping frequency, and slowly started to catch up to the cat-like creature.
As she reached past the top of the second-level buildings, she started to suffer from the first signs of fatigue. Soon, it became more and more tiring to keep airborne; she felt her strength draining away with each flap of her pigtails.
Glancing below, she spotted the royal elevator rising from between the castle buildings. It looked like a large, grey cannon shell with a round porthole on the side, and a golden crown adorning its top. Breaking every law of physics, it was propelled upwards in the open air by an impossibly long metal rod rising from the depths of the castle.
As a last resort, the young girl dove towards the top of the elevator cabin and managed to grab hold of its golden crown. She relaxed and allowed herself to catch her breath while being carried upward by the strange device.
Moved by curiosity, she bent forward carefully and peeked through the porthole inside the cabin. The interior was lined with red velvet, and in its center stood a small throne upon which King Charles V+III = VIII+VIII = XVI of Tachycardia was seated.
The monarch was bearing a rather sour expression; next to him a lackey in full livery was standing stiffly, trying hard to look dignified.
Through the porthole, the young girl heard a loudspeaker drone a dull voice:
" ... Level 28: Department of Legal & Internal Affairs; Royal High School of the Humanities; Ministry of Justice; Royal Lavatory ...
"Level 55: State Prison; Spring Prison; Summer Prison; Autumn & Winter Prison ...
"Level 67: High Security Dungeon; Detention Centre for the Young & Elderly; Municipal Pound ...
"Level 71: Ministry of War & Hostilities; part-time sub-department for peace ...
"Level 81: Royal Botanic Garden; Royal Anthropological Colonial Display; Royal Zoological Garden; Gallery of Ancestors ...
"Level 99: Small Arms Factory; Big Guns Manufacture Facility; War Machines Industrial Complex ...
"Level 125: Umbrella Factory.
"Level 153: Royal Steam Baths; Royal Guard Barracks; Ministry of Fine Arts, Information & Propaganda ...
"Level 161 to 258: Royal Secret Police Barracks and Lounge ...
" ... Attention, we are currently closing in on level 296: Secret Apartments of the King. All unauthorized personnel -- ie anyone but the King himself -- shall be liable to summary execution."
The young girl glanced upward, and realized that the elevator was about to enter an opening in the small castle which rested at the very top of the huge structure.
At the last moment, she let go of the elevator cabin, and with the last of her willpower, managed to start up her magical pigtails again and rise up to the edge of the castle roof. Grabbing hold of the gutter, she hoisted herself with difficulty onto the blue tiles. She got up and steadied herself against a nearby chimney, panting heavily.
From her position on the very top of the giant castle, the girl's view was absolutely breathtaking. Yet, beyond the formidable assemblage of constructions, she could see nothing but the same barren landscape for miles and miles around.
A beautiful sunset was setting the horizon aflame; glancing up she noticed that the moon and stars were starting to be visible in the cloudless sky. Had her ascension taken so long that it was already evening?
Near the young girl's spot, a round turret rose from the side of the small castle. On top of its pointed roof she caught sight of a bird's nest where the yellow creature and his family had taken up residence.
From her vantage point, she was able to see inside the nest. The "father" had donned a nightcap and was currently snoring the night away. Next to him, four miniature pigtailed girls were asleep, cuddled together under a blanket, their breathing perfectly synchronized.
The young girl recognized the tiny child from before; she was wearing a pink dress, whereas her three sisters were clad in green.
Suddenly, the pink-clad girl sat up, eyes wide open. She sniffed the air for a moment; then a big smile brightened her cute face. She slipped soundlessly from under the blanket and jumped off the nest onto the turrets' roof.
She trotted all the way down to the edge of the roof and glanced around for something. Finally, she spotted what she was looking for: a jar full of brightly-coloured, yummy-looking candy. Unfortunately, said candy was located inside a wooden cage with a spring door.
It was quite an obvious trap; however the miniature pigtailed girl was too mesmerized by the candy to care, and rushed giggling towards her delicious goal.
From her side of the roof, the young girl tried to shout a warning, but it was too late, and the spring door snapped shut behind the tiny child. Finding herself trapped, she started to cry.
Determined to save the poor creature, the young girl slowly and carefully made her way towards the edge of the turret.
"Hang on, I'll be there soon ... just a little more ... "
Suddenly, her foot tripped on a slightly askew tile; she flailed her arms for a moment, then lost her footing completely and tumbled down the slope of the roof. Her fall was painfully stopped as she hit a chimney with her back; toppling over the edge, she fell right into the opening, head first.
The unfortunate girl crashed right into a large fireplace, casting sparks, soot, and firewood all around. She immediately jumped off the fire, trying frantically to put out her burning dress.
"Hot! Hot! HOT!"
Suddenly, a large amount of water gushed down on her head, effectively extinguishing the flames that engulfed her.
Sighing in relief, she wiped her eyes clear with the hem of her dress, and cast a look around, taking in her surroundings. She was standing inside a large, richly decorated bedroom; probably the King's apartments. Many beautiful paintings and tapestries hung from the walls, and several large sculptures had been placed about the room.
The young girl glanced up, wondering where the providential water had come from; but all she could see was a painting hanging above the mantelpiece, of a smiling woman in an old-fashioned dress holding a big, empty jar.
Suddenly, she heard a noise from the corner of the room. A white-clad figure emerged from a canopy bed and approached the fireplace cautiously.
It was the King of Tachycardia himself, looking rather ridiculous in a nightshirt and nightcap; he was brandishing his scepter, which he apparently kept even in bed.
"Who is it? Who dares to intrude on ... Gyaaaah! A ghost! A ghost!"
Losing his haughty attitude, the monarch started to run about the room in panic, screaming his head off.
The young girl blinked ... in the half-light she probably did look like a ghost, covered in soot, dripping wet, clothes ripped, hair plastered to her dirt-smeared face.
"Help! Police! Police! POLICE!" The King rushed to his desk and activated a hidden switch. A shrill alarm sounded; and nearly instantly, a dozen huge, black-clad, mustached policemen poured inside the room from several secret passages, bellowing in one voice:
"Long life to His Majesty Charles V+III = VIII+ ... "
"Not now! Not now! Quick! It's a ghost! Seize it! Kill it! Drive it away!"
Before she could even blink, the poor girl was roughly grabbed by two policemen, while the rest pointed their revolvers at her head.
"Please do not worry, Your Majesty," said the chief policeman, casting a disdainful look at his prisoner; "this is not a ghost at all, but some filthy, worthless slattern!"
"Wo ... worthless, you say?"
"Yes, Your Majesty, worthless indeed."
"Is that so? Ahem ... well in that case, justice shall be dealt accordingly," said the King, regaining his bearings, and producing a law book from the depth of his nightshirt.
"Hmm, let us see ... " drawled the monarch, leafing through the tome; "ah, here it is: Article 28, Crime of Lese-Majesty ... hehehe! The verdict is obvious!"
He seized a rope from a nearby curtain--a rope adorned with a small skull.
The policemen moved away hastily from the side of the young girl, who started to make panicked gestures.
"Umm ... please wait! Actually, I am ... I mean, that is ... "
With a cruel smile, the King yanked on the rope, and a trapdoor opened right underneath the young girl's feet.
"Noooooooooooo!"
Screaming in despair, she was precipitated into the seemingly bottomless dark pit. As she was plummeting to her death, she felt the horrible falling sensation in her stomach rise and rise...
" ... Osaka-san! Osaka-san!"
"Auuuuu ... "
"Are you all right, Osaka-san?"
"Your attention, please: the captain wishes to apologize for the light turbulence we are currently encountering. Passengers are advised to get back to their seats and fasten their seat belts. We will land in Naha International Airport in approximately 35 minutes. Temperature in Naha, Okinawa prefecture, is 31°C."
"There was a big air pocket just now! Did it wake you, Osaka-san?"
" ... Eh? Clouds?" Osaka blinked her tear-filled eyes at the sight of the sea of clouds visible outside the plane window. She turned towards her small neighbor, who was looking at her in concern.
"Ah! Thank God, Chiyo-chan, you're okay! ... I ... I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you!"
"Eh? What are you saying, Osaka-san? ... Oh! Did you have a bad dream about ... last time?" Chiyo took her friend’s hand in her own and smiled sweetly. "But you did save me, Osaka-san, remember?"
Osaka dried her tears with the back of her hand. "Umm, Chiyo-chan ... please, never accept any candy from strangers!"
"Sheesh, Osaka-san! Don’t you think I’m a little too old for that kind of advice?" mock-pouted Chiyo. "Hehehe ... right, Sakaki-san?"
"A ... Aa," uttered Sakaki, who was sitting very stiffly in the seat nearest to the central aisle, her gaze fixed in front of her. "But ... please don’t accept any candy from strangers; even the Necoconeco brand."

Chapter 15

Title: Chapter 14

[Author's notes: Disclaimer: the author declines responsibility for any mental trauma the reader might experience after being subjected to this chapter.
By the way, I finally have a new beta-reader! Yay! From now on, my chapters will be free of mistakes! So I’d like to give a big thanks to Miss Prince for all her help. Go read her story, "Nyamo and the Fight" right now; it’s both awesome and sweet.
]

Chapter 14: Charge into the future!
(Where we take a guilty peek at Tomo-chan's ero-ero thoughts ... )
Through Tomo's eyes ...
Damn you, Kagura! Stealing MY window seat!
And to add insult to injury, she's been snoring through the whole trip! She could at least try to admire the view or something ... then I could distract her, and make her miss the best parts! It would drive her nuts! Hahaha! ... But nooo! That sleepyhead is hogging the best seat, and blocking MY view! Gah! She deserves for me to drag her into my seat and take her place!
... Yeah, but then I wouldn't be sitting next to Yomi anymore. And I doubt I'd be able to make Yomi and Kagura exchange seats by force! Even if I were the strongest girl in school ... 'cause Yomi's too heavy.
Wait! What's the use of making that wisecrack inside my frigging MIND? ... It's useless if Yomi can't hear it! Damn, and I don't have the opportunity to bring that joke into the conversation, since we're NOT HAVING ONE! Grrr, she's totally ignoring me and reading that tourist pamphlet about Naha city or whatnot!
But I can't just say of the blue: "Yomi, you're heavy!" That'd be uncool.
Hmm, on second thought, it would be pretty funny; something completely random like that would take her by surprise ...
"What do you want, Tomo? Why are you staring at me like that?"
"YOMI! You ... um ... nothing, nothing, hahaha!"
"Uh ... okay."
Nah, that wouldn't have worked; she was on to me. She'd have kept her cool, and just given me that "you're a complete retard" look ... Besides, the binding of that magazine she's holding looks pretty hard.
Back to Kagura ... I'm half-tempted to give that lazybones a little wake-up call! ... What do I mean, "half-tempted"? Since when do I do things by half? Hahahah! Here I come, Kagura!
Whaa! Damn, look at that totally innocent face! Grrr, who gave you permission to sleep like that, without any care in the world? She's got all those auburn locks framing her face, and her mouth is wide open ... and she's even drooling! Gaaah! The cuteness! I won't get tricked!
She's like that damnable Chiyo-chan who's sooo über-cute that you just have to pull on her pigtails, tease her, haul her around, and poke her endlessly!
Nnnyuuu! Now I want to poke Kagura, and do some stuff to her ... maybe I can get her to say something weird in her sleep, or make funny noises! Lessee, if I pinch her nose ...
"Don't even think about it."
"Yomi, you're no fun! Lookie! She's asking for it, by showing off that sleeping face!"
"No."
"But, but, she ... she stole my seat! MY window seat! And now she isn't even enjoying the view! She's wasting a perfectly good window! Didn't her mother teach her not to waste stuff?"
"Be quiet."
"Grrr, that lazy crazy Bonkura will get what she has coming to her!"
"I agree. Here."
Owwww! The binding of that magazine sure is hard!
"Oh, sorry, weren't you talking about yourself?"
"Meanie!"
Damn! That Kagura is still out cold! And how dare she flaunt those huge boobs of her like that? She isn't that much taller than me, so how come they're so big? It's a waste!
... Well, it's not really a waste. More like it's UNFAIR!
She's almost as big as Yomi, and that's saying a lot. Of course, there's Sakaki-chan ... but she's, like, on a completely different scale I guess. Hahaha!
Anyway, don't Kagura's boobs get in the way of her sports and stuff? Give them to me, dammit!
And why is that girl always acting so unaffected and ... natural? She doesn't have the slightest idea how to flaunt her bust correctly! You've got to pose like this and like that, and go "ufuun" and "ahaan" and stuff!
"Wh ... What the hell are you doing, Tomo?"
"Erm ... I was just showing off what a stylish girl I am!"
"To whom, baka? Can't you stay still for five minutes?"
Grrr ... that Yomi! Why can't she stop acting so uncute all the time? Why can't she be more like before, in elementary school? We used to call her "crybaby Yomi"! Aaah, how nostalgic! There wasn't anything cuter than her crying face, all embarrassed and timid and red-cheeked and stuff! Nyyuuuu!
And then, and then ... her face was even cuter when we made up, and she dried her tears and smiled to me shyly ... or when I consoled her, 'cause someone ELSE had made her cry! (Grrrr, that stupid Goro-kun! I hope he still has my teeth marks all over him!)
Yes, those times, she was super-cute ... no she was ultra-cute -- no, über -- no, even more so ... she was META-CUTE!
Why can't I ever catch her like that nowadays? Hm, I probably couldn't get her to cry, unless I got really mean, and ... well, there's no way I'll stoop that low!
Still, I wish I could see her in a situation like ... Kagura is in right now; all vulnerable and stuff. Well, I was almost able to see her sleeping face, last time I went to her house. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why did I have to fall asleep before her?
Well, I was feeling pretty ... weird after all, but she made it all better. Too bad she woke up before me, the next morning. Still, her making me breakfast was really nice.
Bah! Why had I been feeling so weird, anyway? I shouldn't have waited in line under the sun for so long, just to get that video game ... I probably got sunstroke.
(Sigh ... ) Who am I kidding? I was feeling really, really bad. Because Yomi didn't understand. She had been acting so, so ... damn! I thought she didn't want to see me or ...
I wanted ... I wanted her to look at me and ... I just want her to look at me with different eyes.
And graduation time is getting closer. This time, we won't be together anymore. There's no way I'll be able to get into the same college.
NO! No way! It's still far, FAR away! Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts! ... THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! That is an order, Officer Takino, you hear me!
"°SAARU! YESSU, SAARU!°"
"Gah! What the Hell's the matter with you, Tomo?"
" ... Oops?"
"Hmpf ... would you please be quiet?"
Grr! Why is that girl always acting like that? Like she's fooling anyone ... well, she sure ain't fooling me! I know the real Yomi!
Come to think of it, she IS fooling everyone else, with that attitude of hers! Everybody thinks she's so serious and stuff. When she's not in uniform, people in the street take her for a librarian or a secretary ...
Oh, I can just picture her as a librarian ... she'd take that kind of pose with her hands on her hips, she'd put on that kind of annoyed expression, she'd make her glasses glint like that, and she'd say "Would you please be quiet? This is a public library!".
"Hey, give me back my glasses! ... Wait, what's with that pose? Are you making fun of me?"
"Hmpf ... would you please be quiet? This is a public airplane ... "
"Ha. Ha. Very funny. Now give them back."
"Hey, that was a pretty good impression of a sexy librarian, right?"
"Wh, what? ... Umm, ahem. Tomo. Can't you let me read in peace?"
Feh, she just wants to read, eh
Wait! Oh ... OH MY GOD! I've just remembered THAT! Oh, Yomi, you're so naïve ... this is the end for you!
"Hohohohoho ... Yomi!"
"Wh ... what?"
"You're ... reading ... right, Yomi?"
"Uhhh ... "
"Wai! Wai! Yomi wa yomu! Yomi wa yomu! Yomi wa yomu!"
"Wh ... what the ... I ... You ... Grr, Argh!"
Oh my God, how could I forget that! In second grade, the teacher gave her the nickname "Yomi" 'cause her name sounds like the verb "to read", and she could read better than everyone else. Then one day, he wrote on the blackboard a whole bunch of examples on how to conjugate that verb, with her as a subject. She was soooo mortified! We teased her endlessly about it ... "Yomi is reading" became a popular joke in the classroom.
"Yomi-chan wa yomimasu! Yomi-chan wa yomimashita! Yomi-chan, yomimashô!"
"Kyaaaaa! Stop it! Stop it! Stopit, stopit, stopit!"
... Wow! I can't believe it's still working! This is, like, the best thing EVER!
"Yomi-sama wa o-yomi-ni nari-masu! Yomi-dono wa yomu de gozaru!"
... Back then, it drove her to tears every time! But I don't think I'll be able to make her cry this time. I'll probably make her ...
"GRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHRRR!"
... snap. Wait! No, not my face! ... ow! OW!
"Help! Help! Yomi snapped! Yomi snapped! Yomi snapped!"
"GYYYAHHHRRGRRRGAAAAAAOOOO!"
Ow, ow, ow! Owowowowowowow!
"Umm, pardon me; would you please be quiet? You are disturbing our other guests ... "
"GRRRRRR ... uh? Oh! I, I'm very sorry, Madam."
"Yeah, you'd better (ow!) apologize, Yomi!"
"GRR?"
"Uh, I mean, I'm also very deeply sorry, °Missu Furaitô Attendanttô°!"
"I beg your pardon, Miss?"
"I meant to say: please forgive me, Sutchî!"
"What? ... Please call me °flight attendant°, Miss!"
"But 'Sutchî' is cuter, right?" I wink at the cute Sutchî.
"Hmpf ... have a good day, Miss."
"Hey, did you see that, Yomi? I made that cute Sutchî blush! Heehee!"
"You ... you ... you're just ... I give up."

Meanwhile...
Chihiro glanced worriedly at her best friend Kaorin, who was huddled in her seat next to the window, her face partially hidden behind a sketchbook in which she was scribbling sadly.
Each time Chihiro had tried to peek over her friend's shoulder, Kaorin had bared her teeth and hissed. Strange, thought the short-haired girl; Kaorin had always been quite willing to show off her cute drawings to her before.
Well, she was used to the funny moods her friend had from time to time. Silly Kaorin! It was probably all about Sakaki-san again, mused Chihiro with a small smile. Although she was kind of disappointed ... she had gone out of her way to sit next to her shy friend, despite them being in different classes; and now Kaorin was acting all emotional again ...
Hopefully, the nice weather and beautiful Okinawa landscapes would cheer her up.
"TAKE THAT, HIMEKO!" ( ... Scribble, scribble, scribble ... )
" ... Umm, Kaorin, who is that ... Himeko person you were screaming about just now?"
"Uhh, nobody, nobody! Ehehe ... "

Through Tomo's eyes ...

Bah. Boring ...
And that stupid Kagura is STILL snoozing!
(Siiiigh ... ) What am I gonna do about college? ... Hey! Not those thoughts again! Damn you, thoughts! Go away, thoughts! Gotta forget those thoughts!
That's where Osaka's "special" abilities might come in handy ... there ARE uses for Osaka's forgetting skills after all! It wasn't a mistake absorbing them, the other day! I can make the bad thoughts go away!
Okay, think like Osaka. Think Osaka. Think Osaka. Think Osaka ... hmm ... hmmmmmm ...
What would Osaka think? She'd say that I'm looking at my problems from the wrong angle. She'd say that if I want to be with Yomi ... DESPITE the fact that I have no chance of getting into the same college, then ... then ... if I can't be near her when she's in college ...
... Then I just have to be near her AFTER college! THAT'S IT! That's the answer! I can share an apartment with her!
It's perfect! I know Dad will be totally okay with it! (And Mom will make a fuss ... but if she knows Yomi is with me, she'll agree too.) All that's left is to convince Yomi! No problem, of course. I'll give it more thought later. Now it's time for celebration! ... But first, I mustn't forget to thank Osaka-shishô!
Oh. She's asleep. Figures.
Well, I guess I'll just thank her through thought-transmission: THANK YOU for teaching this undeserving Tomo-chan all of your skills, Osaka-shishô! I'll never forget your kindness! (Sob!)
And now ...
"Banzai! Banzai! BANZAI!"
... Heh, Yomi is trying hard to ignore me.
Hmm, I wish I could impress Yomi someday. Why is Sakaki-chan hogging all the glory to herself, huh? I, too, would like to play the "I don't want to fight you, yet I'm totally kicking your ass" type of hero.
Although Sakaki-chan looks a little too badass for my tastes. I'd prefer to be a sexy fa ... err, fe, err ... °femmu fataru° ... or whatever the expression is.
I'm tired of being pushed back into the background this year! Why couldn't I be super strong at fighting, too? I bet I have all the natural skills! I won ALL my fights in elementary school, after all! (Grrr, that stupid Goro-kun! I hope he still has my scratch marks all over him!)
Ok, I somehow admit that my raw athletic skills are maybe not as good as Sakaki-chan's, but I've got the potential to be a world-class martial artist! My Ki is limitless after all!
Anyway, years of training in an inferior style like Kagura's would be pointless. I wanna become strong quickly! If only I could get my hands on Master Bob's book! I mean, even someone like Osaka managed to pull off an awesome move after reading it -- although it was probably a fluke.
But it would be too scary to ask Sakaki for the book ... heh, just kidding. Sakaki-chan is super-nice. It's, like, sooo funny that so many people are afraid of her! Only the really evil guys have to watch out.
Speaking of evil, that episode with the so-called "counselor" was pretty messed up. Nyamo-chan and Yukari-chan swore it was some kind of mistake; they said he only had been after Yamamoto Brad, but then he went crazy in the head ... Hmm, still, that's suspicious; I'm smelling a conspiracy. I'll have to investigate later, hehe ...
So, anyway; first I need to get some fighting skills ... but reading a book might be a little tedious. I know! It would be even better if I could get my hands on Master Bob's video! I'll have to ask Osaka to lend it to me.
Haha! I'll kick ass on all the evildoers in school, in Sakaki's place ... she'll probably be grateful, anyway.
Then I'll make a training trip to America, and I'll meet Master Bob, and he'll be sooo impressed that he'll teach me all his secret techniques and stuff ... and then the ICPO will contact me, and beg me to join them! That's right, someone like me doesn't need to pass some stupid examinations!
And then, and then, I'll go to FRANCE! Yay! I read on the Internet that Interpol headquarters are located in France! Way cool! So the Chief -- who wears a beret and a big mustache -- will say, "Mademoiselle Takino, I 'ave a mission of ze utmost eemportance for yoo, becauze yoo are our besst agent!"
And then, I'll have a partner who's a super-handsome French guy, and who'll totally fall in love with me! And he'll woo me all the time with his French charm ... but then an English rival from MI5 will appear, and he'll be totally suave and debonair, and he'll save me from danger once (although I could have gotten out of it myself); and then he'll nearly seduce me!
But then, I'll be sent back to Japan on a mission to unmask a spy from Russia who's trying to get secret documents from the JSDF! Of course, I'll have to use my sexiness to seduce him. And BY A TWIST OF FATE, that Russian spy is actually Yomi's fiancé! (He got close to her because she works as a secretary in a secret JSDF laboratory.)
And then, she'll catch me making out with him, and she'll be totally jealous! And she'll cry and bite her handkerchief in rage! And she'll scream at me, but in the end she'll hug me and cry into my chest ... and then she'll be totally shocked when I tell her, "But, Yomi, it's YOU that I ... "
... Umm, and stuff ...
But then we GET ATTACKED! By KGB agents! And then I SHOOT EVERYBODY! And Yomi is soo impressed! And then , and THEN ... kyaaaaah! We hug and stuff! ... and there's also this and that! Heeheehee!
... And then I'll say, "keep your stockings and shoes on, Koyomi ... "
GYYYUUUUAAAAAAH! Just kidding!
"What's the matter with you again, Tomo? Hey! What's with that face? You ... you look ... weird!"
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! She's staring at me! Damn! My face must look totally, uhh ... ecchi! And I'm blushing like mad! What to do? What to do? ... Grrr, Yomi, trying to embarrass me, will ya? Well, no use shying away from her! In fact I have the perfect counter-measure: I grin like a loon, cackle like mad, and draw my face close to hers.
"Gyehehe ... Yomi ... "
"Uhh, what are you doing?"
"Nyehehehehe! Yooomiiii ... "
"S ... stay away!"
"Yoooomiiiiiii -- KYAAAAAAAAAAH! What the hell's happening! The ... the plane is falling! It's FALLING! We're gonna CRASH!"
"Uh, Tomo, calm down! It's just -- "
"No! NO! NONONONO! I don't wanna die! I can't die! Not when I finally have my perfect plan for happiness! HEEEEEEEEELP!"
"YOMI DOUBLE CHOP!"
Owwwww.
"Tomo! Stop making a scene -- again! It's just an air pocket!"
"Your attention, please: the captain wishes to apologize for the light turbulence we are currently encountering. Passengers are advised to get back to their seats and fasten their seat belts. We will land in Naha International Airport in approximately 35 minutes. Temperature in Naha, Okinawa prefecture, is 31°C."
"See? Nothing to worry about. Um, by the way, Tomo, what is that ... 'plan for happiness' you were screaming about just now?"
"Uhh, nothing, nothing! Ehehe ... "
"If you say so."
"Ah! Look! Kagura is STILL out cold!"
"Lucky her."

Author's notes:
-- Lazy Crazy Bonkura: it's the title of a song from the Azumanga OST, sung by Kagura's voice actress, Kuwashima Hôko.
-- "Yomi is reading": this is a play on words on the Japanese verb yomu, which means "to read". Yomi's real first name is Koyomi; Yomi is actually a nickname, which means "the reading (girl)".
As for what Tomo is saying, we have:
"Yomi wa yomu": "Yomi is reading", in a familiar way of speech.
"Yomi-chan wa yomimasu": "Yomi is reading", in a polite way of speech.
"Yomi-chan wa yomimashita": "Yomi has been reading", in a polite way of speech.
"Yomi-chan, yomimashô!": "Let's read, Yomi."
"Yomi-sama wa o-yomi-ni nari-masu": "Yomi is reading", in a very polite and formal way of speech.
"Yomi-dono wa yomu de gozaru": "Yomi is reading", in a very old-fashioned and polite form. This is typical "samurai speech".
-- Sutchî: this is a typical nickname for a flight attendant in Japan. By the way, this is also a reference to Excel Saga ...
-- Shishô: Means "master", as in "martial arts master". In episode 13 of the Azumanga Animation, Tomo "absorbs" Chiyo's genius abilities and Sakaki's athletic skills. Unfortunately, Osaka also gives her her "forgetting skills".
-- "Femmu fataru": Tomo's special way of pronouncing "femme fatale".
-- ICPO in France: Yes, Interpol's headquarters are located in the town of Lyon, France. However, Tomo is mistaken: Interpol's current General Secretary isn't French; his name is Ronald K. Noble, and he's an American. He does have a big mustache, though ...
By the way, if Tomo had made the effort to read a little more about Interpol, she'd have realized that their agents never conduct investigations themselves; in reality, they manage a huge international criminal database, and send relevant information to local police forces all over the world. So, basically, you'll be stuck with "boring computer work", Tomo-chan ...

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