A Shadowlander's Dream: Book Two - Policy of Love
By Kathryn K Williams
Part Seven - Soiled Lamb
Chapter Thirty-Five
Dying leaves circling Jessica's legs as she stood upon a set of wooden stairs, the object of her fear looming over here. Her old foster home seemed exactly as she left it all those years ago. Its dark form towered over the girl making her feel small and helpless. She tried to push the feelings of fear aside, but found it just rose up with greater strength than ever before. Guilt swam laps in her stomach as years of memories began to unfold in her mind once again. She recalled the first day Penny and herself arrived at the foster home from the orphanage. She was only four years old back then and Penny merely three. She had thought this place would be their salvation back then and now she wished she had run away instead of opening those doors to hell. If only she didn't need to rely on others, if only she could have taken her sister in her hand and freed her from the nightmares that would be ahead. But she did not have the strength back then and now she had to face the consequences for fleeing in the end.
She rubbed at her head as memories of that last night spun about in her mind. She tried to take Penny with her, but the girl refused to go. She should have stayed herself, yet she could not face that place again. She ran for blocks that day, just ran until her lungs hurt and her legs threatened to buckle from underneath herself. Once she had considered turning around, even glanced back to see if her sister was still waiting for her to return. The dark shadow of that house loomed in the distance, taunting her escape. If she turned back then she would never escape the madness so decided right then and there that she would return someday to rescue Penny, rescue them all.
Her eyes drifted over the house until they fell upon the corner bedroom. Their dark curtains still blocked out all forms of light, locking away the dark secrets of this house from any prying eyes. A shudder filled her body as she remembered the tortures she suffered within the walls of that room. The acts she was force to do to her own little sister. A ball of disgust boiled up amongst the guilt and she dropped to her knees upon the hard wood patio. She really did plan to return, she did, and now that she had her chance, yet she still felt weak against the overwhelming feeling the building stirred in her already fragile heart. She clenched at her chest as an unspeakable pain began to grow deep within her soul, and memories taunted her very existence.
"Why'd I have to come back here?" She asked the passing wind, "Why?" Hot tears brimmed at the edge of her eyes as she tried to rationalize with what brought her back to this place. The very place responsible for destroying her dreams of ever having a normal life. She clenched at her stomach in an attempt to keep it from tossing the remains of her food upon the patio floor and set her head upon the cold wooden boards. The mere presence of the house was making her ill and she could feel a hundred hands run over her flesh sending cold shivers through her spine.
"I'm sorry..." She sobbed as she hit her head on the patio floor, "I'm soooo.. sorry..." She punched her fist upon the boards in frustration. Tears streaking down her cheek, "WHY!!!" She demanded pounding hard enough to split the wood floor and lodge a few splinters of wood in the flesh of her hand, "Why do I have to suffer over and over again? Why?!?" She slammed her fist against the ground repeatedly, ignoring the pain that surged through her arm and the blood that dropped onto her overalls, "IT ISN'T FAIR!!!" She screamed into the night, her voice drifting off into the darkness that surrounded the house.
"I just want to be free of this place." She sobbed to no one, now cradling her wounded hand in her lap and glaring up at the house, "I don't want to face it all again." She abruptly stood to her feet and pointed at the building with her blood soaked hand, "I'm over you!" She cried out, "You understand?!? I am through with you and your nightmares." She knew in her own heart that was a lie, but it felt good yelling it out.
She considered turning around and leaving the building for good. It was not her fault Kima came to this place. It was not her job to bring her back either. She began to leave when her eyes fell upon the dim light of a small window with the silhouette of a small child sitting upon the sill. Something about this sight was familiar to her, "A... amber..." She muttered as she moved around the building to get a better look at the window. She suddenly recalled a young girl with curly orange hair who used to sit in a window just as this child was at that moment. A warmth filled her heart at the memory of that girl. She recalled Amber's soft touch as the girl gently stroked Jessica's hair when the nightmares invaded her mind. The way the girl would sooth her mind during the darkest hours. All of a sudden she needed to see the girl again, needed to just set her eyes upon that girl one last time. She glanced around herself in search of someway to get the girl's attention, then found a small pebble at the base of a tree. It was cliche, but maybe it would work. If only the girl heard her calls.
*****
Amber sat upon her spot in the window, watching Kimberly and Penny curled up in their bed. Sarah had helped them carry Kim to the bed. Kim seemed to be in some kind of coma like state and would not respond to any form of stimulate. Hoping that the girl would soon awaken they dressed her before tucking the girl under the covers with Penny resting next to her. Amber recalled the many time she would lay next to Jessica in the wee hours of the night, her love fast asleep in her arms. She would try to resist the urge to brush a lock of the girl's messy curls out of her eyes for fear that it would only awaken Jessica. So she would simply lay there with the moonlight played shadows across the girl's face and envision all the things she wished to do with Jessica when they escaped the madness of this house. She frowned as she reminded herself that none of those dreams would ever come true. Jessica abandoned her the moment she got a chance and was never returning. She was going to be trapped within these walled until she was old and grey or her brothers finally got tired of her and put an end to her miserable life, as Sarah had envisioned they would.
"Can't sleep huh, Amber?" Sarah inquired from her spot on the top bunk.
Amber nodded, "I can't get what has happened today out of my mind." She glanced over at Penny to see the girl's silk belt hanging off the back of the bed, "I can't believe that thing actually existed. Where did Kim find it anyway?"
Sarah glanced over the railing at the belt below, "I thought Penny made the thing up actually. It makes no sense." She looked at Amber, "And what was with that black stuff in the tub earlier? It looked like it was trying to drown Kimberly." She let out a shudder at the memory of the black tar writhing in the tub and Kim's small hand forcing itself through the surface from time to time, "How did you know that that stuff would not pull you in with it?"
Amber shook her head in confusion, "I... I don't know." She admitted sheepishly, "At first I was scared then seeing Kim fighting with it made me feel the need to help her so I shoved my arm in as deep into the mess as I could. It felt cold and my hand felt numb. It was almost as if the tub had no bottom."
"I'm just glad you managed to pull Kim out of that gunk." Sarah stated gratefully, still amazed by what she had witnessed, "It was like something from my nightmares. I don't think I'm brave enough to stick my hand in that goo." She remarked guilty, "I'm worthless. I can never protect anyone like you or Kim or Jessie even."
"I'm not brave." Amber turned her head and rest it upon the cool glass of the window, "I'm not brave at all." She glanced down at the trees as they swayed in the breeze. Suddenly something small hit the window under her head, "What was that?" She scanned around the darkness in search of what could have hit the window when another object tapped against the window again.
"What was what?" Sarah inquired as she quickly, but quietly, descended the bunk bed's ladder.
"I don't know." Amber continued to search for what could be making the sound when she saw a small shadow in the middle of the lawn. The shadow darted around as if in search for something, "I think there is someone down there." Again something hit the window, "I think they are throwing rocks!"
Sarah approached the window and tried to help with the hunt, "Who would be down there?" Sarah inquired curiously, "And how would they know we are up here?"
The shadow stepped into the light of a street lamp and waved up at the girls. Amber became stunned by what she saw before her, "JESSIE!!!" She cried out loud, not realizing she had raised her voice.
"Shhhhh." Sarah hushed the girl and quickly glanced around to see the other girls were still fast asleep, "You don't want to wake everyone up, do you?"
Amber quieted her voice, "But it is Jessie." She exclaimed, softly this time, "She came back to us."
Sarah squinted out the window. Their in the street light she could see a small girl in baggy overalls, white t-shirt and a mess of wavy hair upon her head, "My god!" She exclaimed aghast, "It really is her. Why did she return if she had already escaped this place?" She puzzled.
"She came back for us." Amber stated confidently as she struggled to get the window to open, "Dammit, why did they have to lock the windows too." She remarked in frustration, "It is not like we are going to jump off the roof." She pulled on the window as it squeaked in protest.
Sarah anxiously glanced at the bedroom door and back to Amber, "Are you crazy?" She inquired nervously, "You are going to get us all sent to the basement. Or worse... the cupboard and I don't want to end up there."
The window was now open a crack and Amber jumped off the sill as if she had given up her efforts, "Where are they?" She inquired frantically as she started to scramble around the loose clothing in the corner around where Caitlin slept
Sarah ventured over to her sister, "What are you going on about?" She whispered, not wanting to wake the other girls.
"Ma'am had given April some colouring books and crayons." Amber explained as she sifted through the clothes, "I remember seeing her playing with them around here the other day. AHA!" She pulled a tattered colouring book out from under a sweater then began her search for the crayons.
"What are you going to do with that thing?" Sarah inquired curiously, then stepped on something hard that snapped under her foot, "I think I found a crayon." She remarked, picking up a broken red crayon off the ground.
Amber quickly snatched the crayon from Sarah's hand, "Thanks." She rushed back to the window and started to write on the only page of the colouring book that she could find that was not covered in scribbles.
"What are you doing?" Sarah repeated, curiously watching the girl.
"I'm writing Jessica a note." Amber explained simply as she scribbled out a few words upon the page in hopes that Jessica would be able to read it. Without another word to Sarah she tore out the page out of the book and folded it several times, "I just hope she sees this." She tossed the paper through the small crack in the window, then waited.
******
Jessica was certain that someone up there had seen her. She could see two shadows moving about in the room now and was almost sure that she had heard someone call out her name. She wondered what they were up too at that moment, if she remembered correctly the room was locked and the windows barely opened. In the summers it was nearly unbearable with the sun blazing through that window with no way to get much of any fresh air. She watched in curiosity as the figures rushed about. Then one of the shadows returned to the window and she could see something flutter down on the wind. She chased the object, afraid the wind would run off with whatever it was that the girls were trying to send her. She caught the paper as it drifted through the air and unfolded it to see someone had scribbled on a piece of colouring book paper.
"Meet me in the shed.
I will come for you when I can.
Love Amber."
Jessica smiled at the note. It really was Amber in the window after all, just like she remembered. She rushed over to the street light and waved up at the girls, pointing at the note, then gesturing to the back of the building. When the shadows waved back she started around the building. New hope in her heart and a spring in her stride. She barely noticed that her body had reverted back to that of an twelve year old and her pants were bunching up around her ankles. Something about getting a note from Amber made her heart sing and she skipped along in hopes that she would see the girl again soon.
As she entered the backyard another memory flickered to mind. Her eyes darted to the dying leaves and a set of racks leaning against a small rickety wooden shed near the back. Her heart began to race as she recalled that day not too long ago. Jessica and Amber had been ordered to rack the leaves out back, but Amber had other ideas. Jessica tried to be serious about her chores for she did not want to end up in the cupboard again. Ma'am had been on Jessica's case since catching her kissing Amber one day and Jessica planned to not let that happen again.
However, Amber seemed to enjoy the risk of being caught doing something they were not supposed to. While Jessica racked the leaves into a large pile Amber grabbed a handful of leaves and tossed them at Jessica. At first Jessica tried to ignore the girl's attempts at being playful, then finally she could no longer hold herself in and she leap at the girl, tackling her to the pile of leaves. Jessica lay on top of Amber for a moment when Amber suddenly raised her head and kissed Jessica ever so lightly upon the lips.
The memory of that kiss sent shivers through Jessica's body. She suddenly recalled the sweet taste of the girl's lips and the beautiful scent of her body. A combination that was deadly for Jessica and weakened her resistance. She did not want to get in trouble again, but she could not withstand Amber's touch. Just as Amber's hands moved under Jessica's shirt, along her side, the back door abruptly opened and Ma'am stormed towards them. She kicked Jessica off of Amber and hit her repeatedly across the face, forcing Jessica back into the tool shed, where Ma'am shoved Jessica inside and locked the door. Leaving the girl there for several days with only a few scraps to eat.
Jessica's heart ached as she stared at the old weather worn tool shed. Now she wished that Amber had not chosen such a place for her to hide, but she knew it would be the last place Ma'am would ever enter. Ma'am only sent the girls to the shed to gather gardening tools for the backyard and never entered the shed herself as much as Jessica could remember. Jessica swallowed back her fears as she approached the shed and cautiously tested the door. Just like always Ma'am had not locked the door. She seemed to only lock the shed if there was someone she wished to stay within, not to keep people out of it. Slowly Jessica opened the door to find it dark and musky inside, a smell she would rather not repeat inhaling. She glanced back at the house as she tried to think of another plan to get the girl's out of the infernal place. Her eyes darting to the windows and doors in search for a way in and out, but she had tested those escape routes so many times over the years that she knew there was no hope of escape other then being let out by Ma'am. Realizing this she let out a deep sigh of defeat. She had been lucky the first time she found a way out but knowing Ma'am, she would have doubled the locks on that window or even nailed them tightly shut if she felt no need for opening them. Leaving not even enough room for a spider to enter or leave.
Jessica reluctantly entered the shed and firmly closed the door behind her. Light inside was only proved by the small cracks in the ceiling panels. She only hoped that it did not rain that night as it did that day she had been left in here before. She moved to the back of the cramped space where their was a large unused worker's bench and curled up under it. The cold air seeped through the cracks in the small shed and Jessica curled up tight, hugging her legs to her body for warmth. With hope that the sun would rise soon and with it Amber's return to her arms.
*****
To be Continued . . .
*****
Note: The world of the shadowlands, Its stories, Characters and ideas are a copyright of Kathryn K Williams.
This story is based upon my manga of the same name. If you wish visit my site and see some of the art based on this series at http://www.KatAndNekoManga.ca
Also if you spot any typos or other errors please contact me at Kathryn@KatAndNekoManga.ca
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