Dreaming of Another Day
By Kathryn K Williams
Based in part on a true story
Chapter Seven
Kris awoke from her daydream by the sound of the school bell calling for another class switch. Kids started to flow into halls on their way to their third period classes. Kris stood up and stretched. Her next class, she recalled, was English. Kris hated English class more than anything else. She clenched her teeth at the thought of how many times she failed that class alone. It was not like she was bad at writing she just could not get her head around grammar and spelling. She
really wanted to skip this class, but she was short 3 of her 5 English credits. She hit her head on the wall.
"Kris?" Sarah asked as she approached the girl, "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." Kris sighed as she pushed away from the wall, "I'd be better if I didn't have bloody English class next."
"You have English too?" Sarah exclaimed, "What teacher?"
"I can't remember." Kris checked her pants pockets, "Shoot, I forgot I put my schedule in my locker." She started to panic.
"You probably have the same class as me." Sarah pulled out her schedule from her backpack, "You missed a year or so right?" She questioned not really caring for an answer, as she unfolded her schedule.
"Yeah." Kris uttered in embarrassment, "Plus, I am no good at English either."
"Does English 2 with Mrs. Brookholds sound about right?" Sarah inquired reading off her schedule.
Kris slowly nodded and let out a sigh, "That sounds about right." She didn't like the thought of being in the same class with this girl more than once in a day.
"Then we should hurry." Sarah shoved her schedule back into the bag, "I've heard from some of the kids that Mrs. Brookholds is very strict and some of them called her 'The Dragon Lady'." Sarah said as she started to walk backwards down the hall making sure that Kris was following close behind.
"Oh great." Kris replied rubbing her temple and letting out a deep sigh as she grabbed her things and started down the hall behind Sarah. As if things were not going to be rough enough she had to get a teacher with a nick like 'Dragon Lady'.
The two girls walked side by side in silence when Sarah finally spoke, "I'm guessing you missed a lot of school last year?" She half asked.
"Not really." Kris answered not really caring, "They had a small school in the hospital that kept us up on a few things."
"Really?" Sarah wondered, interested to learn more about her new friend, "Tell me..." She shyly looked at the ground, "Why were you in the hospital?"
"I tried to kill myself." Kris blunted out, "After trying to kill one of the bloody idiots who killed my..." She stopped herself from talking, afraid she was going to cry.
"My god!" Sarah exclaimed, her heart ached at the sound of the pain in the girl's voice. Sarah was about to try to comfort Kris when the girl suddenly fell forwards.
Kris was not sure what happened. One moment she was about to step down a set of stairs and the next she felt a hard blow to the back of her head. Everything was moving in slow motion. Her mind reeled as she tried to figure out what just happened. Then she realized that she was falling head first down the stairs. Her mind worked fast. She knew that if she fell she would surely die, or at the very least be badly hurt. She decided to do the one thing she was good at. Jump. She planted her foot on the edge of the next stair and sprung off with all her might. As she soared through the air it suddenly became clear that she would not only make it over the stairs, but she would fly straight into a brick wall. She put her hands out to prepare for the shock, however it was a little too late and she hit her head against the wall with such force that she staggered
backwards landing on her butt on the last stair. She sat there for a moment trying to sort out how in the world she ended up at the bottom of the stairs.
"KRIS!!!" Sarah ran down the stairs three at a time, "Kris are you alright?"
"LEAVE ME THE BLOODY HELL ALONE!!!!" Kris suddenly screamed holding her head, "Just get away from me!!!" She was furious. The pain in her head was something else. She sustained worse headaches, what really infuriated her was that someone tried to kill her.
"I..." Sarah backed off as Kris quickly stood to her feet and wobbled about, "You should go to the office." Sarah proposed in distress. She looked around in search of who could have pushed her friend, only to see many eyes watching them. It was like Kris's pain was for their own entertainment
"I said leave me alone." Kris snarled at the girl, "I don't need you. I don't need ANYONE!!!" This time she screamed so loud that her voice echoed throughout the halls.
"What is all this yelling?" Asked a rather old, however fashionably dressed, teacher as she came around the corner. She stopped when she saw Kris staggering about holding her head. Blood was now seeping between two of the girl's fingers on her forehead, "Oh my, What happened here?" She turned her question to Sarah.
"Someone... She fell... she fell" Sarah stammered and pointed up the stairs, which were suddenly empty.
"Are you alright?" The teacher approached Kris in an attempt to place an arm around the girl.
"Get away from me!" She batted the woman's hand away, "I can't die." She began to laugh hysterically, "I can't die..." She leaned against the wall and started to slide to the ground as tears filled her eyes and she sobbed out loud and uncontrollably .
The teacher grabbed the girl's arm, "Help me." She signaled to Sarah who immediately grabbed Kris by the other arm and the two of them helped Kris into a nearby class. They set Kris down in an empty desk in the front row near the window, while the students in the class craned their necks to see what happened. The teacher let go of the girl and ran to a large cabinet that stood behind the door. She grabbed a small first aid kit and opened it as she returned to Kris's side. She tried to pull Kris's hand away from her head, but the girl protested deliriously.
"Leave me alone." Kris wept again, trying to push the woman away from her. Worn out by her injuries and anger, however made her protest weak.
"I will do no such thing." The teacher advanced sternly, "Remove your hand." She ordered.
Kris was startled by the sudden change in the woman's tone, "I'm sorry..." She mumbled as she removed her hand to expose a small gash on her forehead which was bleeding slightly.
"It appears to be a minor cut. Nothing to fuss about." The teacher said calmly as she dabbed at the blood, "Do tell me what exactly happened?" She asked Sarah.
"I don't know... She... we..." She stammered trying to sort the events out in her head.
"Take a deep breath." The teacher suggested making sure not to raise her voice. Sarah did as she was told, "Now try to speak slowly." She continued giving the girl a warm and inviting smile.
"Someone pushed Kris and she fell down the stairs and she hit her head on the wall." Sarah chimed out in one breath.
"They punched me." Kris added as she regained control over her own emotions. It was as if the sound of the teachers voice had a calming effect on her, "They hit me in the back of the head as I was going down the stairs." She reached behind her head and touched the bump gently wincing with pain.
The teacher pulled Kris forward so she could get a look at Kris's injuries, "Hmmm... You have quite a bump on the back of your head." She looked Kris in the eyes, "Do you have any idea who could have done this?" She asked.
"Anyone! The Dyke deserved it." Someone called out from the back of the class. Everyone started to laugh.
The teacher stood up straight and eyed the class furiously, "Now who said that?" She commanded, giving each student a stern glare, "Do you think you are funny?" She raged, "DO YOU!?!" She slammed her hand on the desk next to her so hard that every student jumped in their seat, "I don't want to hear another word out of any of you and if I find out who used that word they will find themselves in detention for a month. Is That Clear." The class filled with an eerie silence. Kris began to wonder who's class she just stumbled into.
The teacher turned back to Kris and gave her a soft smile, "I'm Mrs. Brookholds. Nice to finally meet you Kris."
Kris didn't know what to say. She was still stunned by the way the woman defended her. She had not experienced that since Mr. Gish and it was kind of startling. She didn't even know who this teacher was or why she standing up for her, but she was beginning to think she was going to like Mrs. Brookholds.
Mrs. Brookholds bandaged Kris's head while she spoke, "What is your name?" She asked Sarah.
"Ummm.. Sarah Richards." Sarah muttered.
"So it would seem that all my students are now accounted for." The woman said with a smile, "Would you take a seat Sarah?" She proposed politely.
"Yes." Sarah quickly dropped into the desk behind the one Kris now sat in.
"Now Class I know it is only the first day, however I have an assignment for you all." She spoke as she taped the bandaged to Kris's forehead causing the girl to wince once more. The entire class let out a long moan of disappointment, "I'll allow none of that. I want you all to take out a piece of paper and write down why what happened to young Kris here was not funny."
"What?!?!" Several of the students shouted in disgust.
Mrs. Brookholds stood to her full height and glared at the class with her stern eyes, "You heard me. I want it handed in by the end of class is that understood." She turned to Kris and smiled, "I want you to write how it made you feel."
Kris blinked a few times as the haze and blurriness of her tears began to fade. Before her stood a short British woman with small glasses that hung on a long gold chain around her neck. She wore deep brown old fashion clothes. Her grey hair was tied up in a bun at the back of her head. To Kris the woman looked more like a librarian or grandma than a teacher. Something about the woman gave off a warm glow. Kris could not figure out why she was referred to as the "Dragon Lady" Then she took a look around the room and it became very clear. It wasn't Mrs. Brookholds' harshness that earned the woman her nickname. It was the array of dragons that adorned the room. From posters to plaster castings there was not an inch of the room that didn't have a dragon somewhere. Kris smiled to herself as she looked at the multitude of great lizards. She was beginning to think she would like this teacher after all.
Still holding her head Kris pulled out her little notebook. and leafed through the pages, reading bits of what she had written over time. Much of the book was illegible by most and contained some of Kris's deepest worries and darkest nightmares. The sheer sight of the book brought back more memories of that dreaded night.
******
Kris had spent most of the night writing. She had finished four thousand lines before her hand began to cramp up. Her stomach ached with hunger pains. Mother refused to feed such a disrespect able child until she finished every last line. Kris lay her head on the desk to rest her eyes a little when she heard her father return home. The sounds of his drunken rambles could hardly be heard over the horrifying screams of her mother's anger.
"Look at you!" Kris heard her mothers voice through the floor boards, "I can't believe you drove home in that condition." Kris could only imagine what her father looked like. His clothes were probably covered in paint or something and the smell of beer more then likely reeked from all his pores. Kris shivered at the thought, "Between you and that daughter of ours I don't know who to get rid of first." Her mother hissed. Kris sunk even further in her chair. Her mother was really angry and Kris guessed that she got off lucky with just having to do lines this time. At least this time she would not have to come up with some kind of excuse for any bruises during school... this
time...
"Wha'd she do now?" Her father drunkenly said. Kris presumed that the fact that she could hear him meant that the man was probably sitting at the bottom of the stairs taking his boots off.
"She had another of those 'out breaks' of her's." Her mothers voice held a clear sound of disgust. Like there was no way one of her children could be so unstable, "She disrupted the class and a few kids are complaining about her. I think we should just give her away to some private school and be rid of her."
Kris hit her head on her desk, 'Give her away?' She thought, 'No... What about Jennifer?' Her mind raced as she tried to figure out how she would get herself out of this one.
"Don be silly, Helen." Her father said, "She is just a kid. Give her some space would yah?" Kris let out a slight sigh of relief. At least her father was behind her, however she was not to sure if that was truly a good thing. Her father was not entirely a bad man. When he wasn't drinking he was great. A strong and caring man that would often read to Kris and her sister late at night and sometimes would play long games of chess with Kris. For the most part he seemed proud of his little girl and her artistic nature. If only he wouldn't drink than everything would be perfect.
"She need professional help." Her mothers claimed, "We have already tried many doctors and nothing seems to work. It is costing to much money to keep moving around all the time."
"Let me have a talk with her alright." Kris could hear her father mounting the stairs, "You just scare her to much."
"Sometimes I think she needs a lot more than a scare." Her mother said with acid on her breath, "You make sure she is still doing her lines while you are up there." She commanded.
Kris hunkered down and got back to her lines. She tried to ignore the pain in her hand as she awaited her father's arrival. She didn't have to wait very long before her bedroom door opened and he entered the room. He was a large heavy set man with short, thin, curly blonde hair (unlike Kris's mop of strawberry blonde). He wore grease and paint stained jeans and a dirty white t-shirt. A pair of large glasses rested on his red face. Kris sometimes wondered how this man could be her father. She was tiny in comparison and looked nothing like him, or any of her family for that matter. It crossed her mind, for the millionth time, that maybe she was adopted or something. Both her parents had brown eyes and blonde hair. Her sister had green eyes and blonde hair and yet she had the brightest of blue for eyes and the most annoyingly curly red hair she could imagine possible.
"Hey sweety," Her father startled Kris out of her musing as he entered the room and closed the door behind him, "How you doing?" He slowly sat himself on the corner of the girl's bed directly behind her.
"Fine." She mumbled trying to concentrate on the task at hand.
"Why don't you let me see what you've got there?" He said reaching out his long arm and taking the pad from the girl. He flipped through the pages and frowned at the words upon it than let out a sigh, "You've done really good." He forced himself to give a smile.
"I'm still not done." Kris turned around in her chair to look at the man. She could see that the argument with her mother had sobered him up a bit, however she was right. He smelt of alcohol.
"Why don't you come sit with your dad." He asked patting the bed beside him. Reluctantly she got up from her seat and did as she was told. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and gave the girl a tight hug, "That's my girl." Kris suddenly felt nervous. There was a different smell on her father today. A smell that was worse then the usual beer, vodka, whenever she smelt that scent it meant bad things for her. She felt herself freeze against her fathers touch, "Now why can't you be a good girl for your mom and dad?" He said setting his head on the girl's.
"I'm sorry..." Kris mumbled, "I'm trying... I'm sorry..." She could feel his hand moving under the back of her shirt. His coarse dry hands made her skin crawl. She tried to block out the icky feeling it made her feel.
"Come on and lay down with daddy. Everything will be alright." Her father whispered.
Kris knew nothing would be alright. She wanted to run. To hide, however she was too terrified to move. She did exactly as she was told and could feel her father slide in behind her. She closed her eyes and stifled back the tears as she felt her fathers hand run over her body and slide her shirt up.
Suddenly the door swung open and her mother was staring down at them, "What do you think you are doing?" Her mother snarled, "I thought you said you were not going to do this again!" Her voice was trembling, "Get to our room!" She commanded while pointing out the door.
Slowly her father dragged his feet out of the room and down the hall. Her mother turned to Kris, who was frantically trying to fix her shirt, "As for you young lady. You can stay in here until you are finished ten thousand lines." She slammed the door. Leaving Kris curled up in a ball shaking and crying. Wishing she could just end her existence on this world.
****
A single tear fell from Kris's eye. She wiped at it in a vain attempt to conceal the pain she was feeling within. The loneliness and the loss was eating at her and she wished nothing more than to be able to run home. Her breathing began to quiver and she could feel her very soul start to tremble in a way she would never able to describe outwardly. It was like something heavy was crushing down upon her chest making it harder and harder to breath and this dark emptiness had such a grip on her heart that the girl clenched at her chest. The feelings were so intense that they caused the scars on her wrists to tingle and itch. A pressure built up behind her eyes to a point that it was unbearable. She found it hard to see and she felt like she would burst into tears at any given moment. Finally not being able to stand much more she tore out the last page from her book and began to stand when the school bell rang.
"Everyone please hand in what you have written before you leave." Mrs. Brookholds said above the chatter that erupted from the halls. The students mumbled as they stood, slowly shuffling their feet. Kris fell back into her seat pushing all her emotions deeper inside as she watched the kids pass her by. A few of the boys from the back row gave her a threatening glare as they passed by. She could see Jason walking among them. Kris suddenly wished that the teacher had not stood up for her. Now everyone knew who she was and Kris was worried that maybe she made one to many enemies in the first day.
"Kris?" Sarah stood up from her desk and stepped closer to her friend, "Are you alright?"
Kris lowered her head not wanting the girl to see how much she was struggling, "I'll live..." She muttered then stuffed her book into her bag and got to her feet. Only when all the other students had left did Kris step towards Mrs. Brookholds desk, "I... I'm sorry I caused you trouble." She stuttered nervously.
The teacher looked up from the pile of papers stacked in front of her and smiled, "Dear, you are no trouble at all." She reached out to touch Kris's hand only to have the girl back up out of reach. Mrs. Brookholds frowned at her student's reaction. There was a depth of fear in the girl's eyes, like a trapped animal in a cage, "I know you may think that all the teachers here are against you, however I can reassure you that I'm not."
"Didn't you read my file?" Kris wondered, curiously, hoping her voice would not give away the pain she was feeling. She knew that every year the teachers were given a copy of her past as so they could be better prepared for her arrival. She herself had seen the file from time to time and it disgusted her that they kept such close tabs on her actions, 'Why would this woman would care about a suicidal nut like me?' She thought, wanting nothing more than to escape, before she slipped out of control yet again. Just struggling to make her limbs not visibly tremble was exhausting her so much that she feared her legs might give out on her at any given moment.
"Of course I did." Mrs. Brookholds said patting a folder to her left, "I know you are a troubled child. That does not make you a bad one." She turned her head and looked out the window at several kids playing roughly on the grass, "Some people just do not notice who the real problems are or are too overwhelmed that they are lost as to what to do." She turned back to Kris and looked her in the eyes, "You are special. Remember that." She said with a smile
For some reason Kris felt anger arise inside of her, "I am not special." She snarled. Over the years Kris had to hear time and time again how special she was. How she should be glad that she lived through such a tragic event. Kris clenched her fist tight, "Are you going to tell me that her death made me a stronger person? Are you?" Tears were building up in Kris's eyes. No one seemed to understand how much she wished to have been able to join her lover. She wanted to run. She wanted to hide, but she felt she needed to stand up and say what her feelings were. More for Jenn than for herself.
"That is not what I meant." Mrs. Brookholds said calmly, crossing her arms on her desk.
"What does it matter anyways? I'm just a living corpse who should have died long ago." Kris dropped the paper she held on the teachers desk and stormed out of the room, not giving Mrs. Brookholds time to answer.
"Kris, wait up!" Sarah called out as she ran after Kris.
Kris stopped dead in her tracks, "What do you want?" She asked in a low cold tone. She did not take her eyes off the floor, afraid if she looked the girl in the eyes she would begin to cry.
Sarah was taken back by the tone in Kris's voice, "I just..."
"Just leave me alone." Kris said in a mere whisper, "Just let me die." She broke into a run leaving Sarah standing in confusion. It was no fair. She was denied death and now she was being denied her solitude. Why didn't people understand that she just wanted to be left alone. She burst into a restroom and rushed towards the sink, turning the water on and splashing it over her face to hide the tears that were overwhelming her so much. Finally she could not bear the pain and dropped to the ground letting out a painful sob. One of the stalls opened and Kris quickly got to her feet trying frantically to wipe away the tears.
"Kris?" Tanya asked as she stepped out of the stall and approached her friend, "Are you alright?" Kris slowly raised her head to look at her friend. There was almost a pleading look in the her eyes calling out to Tanya, "What happened?"
"I..." Kris choked back a sob. Her hands trembled and she felt like any moment her knees would give out on her.
Tanya grabbed the girl by the arm and pulled Kris into her arms, "Come here." She embraced Kris tightly not letting the girl pull away, "You are safe here." She whispered.
As if triggered by some secret word Kris began to sob on controllably, "I'm sorrryyy..." She cried into her friend chest, "I'm so sorry..."
Tanya stroked Kris's hair, "It's alright." She could feel the pain in Kris's voice through her entire body. Tanya only witnessed Kris crumble like this on a few occasions. The worst time was after Jenn's death. It was like a wave of pain had consumed the girl's soul and no amount of love would ever heal her shattered heart. Tanya tried at one time to be there for her friend, but it hurt too much to watch Kris spiral into darkness.
Soon Kris began to calm down. Her whole body trembled and she coughed the last few sobs out of her system. It was like a huge weight on her heart had been lifted for a brief moment. However, Kris knew far to well that it would not take long for that feeling to return. She looked up at her friend, "Thank you." She managed to whisper.
"It is alright." Tanya said with a smile, "You know you can break down in front of me anytime."
"Yeah." Kris tried hard to smile, then she remembered Sarah, "What have I done?" She shook her head. The one thing she didn't want more than anything else was to cause another soul pain. She felt ashamed at herself for running away.
"What happened?" Tanya asked, pulling away a little to look at the bandage on Kris's head, but still leaving her arms around the girl, "Are you hurt?"
Kris rubbed her head, "I screwed up as usual." She said with a sigh, "Someone pushed me and when a girl was trying to be nice to me I just ran away."
Tanya hugged Kris tightly, "She will probably understand. If she really wants to be your friend that is."
"I think I might have hurt her." Kris set her head on Tanya chest, "I am such a fool."
"I would not call you a fool." Tanya said with a smile, "You just are..." Tanya tried to think of the right words to described her friend, "You have a natural charm to you. It is not your fault girls seem to be attracted to you."
"What about you?" Kris looked Tanya in the eye.
Tanya stepped back and walked over to the sink to wash her hands, "That was long ago...and you know how I felt back then." She turned off the water and looked at Kris's refection in the mirror, "You also know that no matter what happened I never left your side."
Kris leaned against the sink and looked at the ceiling, "I'm sorry." She tried hard not to cry. She could not understand herself why she could feel no love for Tanya, but ended up in the arms of Jenn, "I never wanted to hurt you."
"Listen," Tanya approached Kris, "That was in the past now." She stopped when Kris shifted her head to look at Tanya with those deep sad eyes. Tanya turned back to her own reflection, "I never hated you for what happened." She took a deep breath, "and will always love you."
"Tanya..." Kris suddenly realized how long her friend had been waiting for her. Tanya held her when Kris discovered she was not allowed to be at Jenn's funeral. She was the first to visit Kris at the hospital when even her own parents chose to ignore her existence. Tanya also was the only one to show up for her 18th birthday. Bringing a small cake and a stuffed bunny to the hospital. Kris remembered crying when she saw the cake. She just thought Tanya was being a good friend, however she was more than a friend. Kris could not take her eyes off Tanya. It was like for the first time she really noticed the girl. Kris rubbed her neck and let out a sigh, "I'm sorry." She whispered.
"Don't be." Tanya gave a weak smile that tugged on Kris's heart.
Kris always had a weak spot for the sadness in a girl's eyes. It felt as if she was being pulled into those eyes. Like she wanted nothing more then to take that pain away. It was just like when she first met Jenn. Kris shook her head. She clenched at her heart and started to tremble.
"Kris, are you alright?" Tanya asked stepping closer to the girl.
"Don't..." Kris stepped back, "I can't..." She clenched the side of her head, "I..." She started to look around the room wildly, when the restroom door suddenly opened and three girls dressed up, looking like a group of Madonna clones, entered the room.
"Oh gross, it is Tanya." One of the girls said with a look of repulsion
"Augh, and they let another one of those tomboys into the school." Another one said looking at Kris.
Kris's confusion suddenly turned to anger, "Oh look, they let sluts into this school too." She snarled at the girls.
"Shouldn't you all be in the boy's washroom where you can get a good fuck." Tanya joined in standing next to Kris.
"Screw you." One of the girls spat and gave Kris the middle finger.
"Sorry, I'm not interested." Kris sneered, "and don't you know it works better with two fingers." She lifted her middle and ring finger and waved them at the girls causing them all the to blush, "Or better yet." Her grin broadened and she ran her tongue across her lips.
"Grossss!!!" The girls squealed and ran out of the room.
Tanya broke into laughter, "You are the worst. I can't believe you licked your lips."
"I didn't!" Kris blushed, not sure if she did or didn't. All she knew was her heart was racing a mile a minute and she felt a need to defend her friend. She didn't know where that other side of her came from. She wiped her mouth trying to hide her grin. Giggling the two girls left the restroom together.
*******
To be Continued....
******
Authors Notes: This story is based on a true story. All names and places were changed to conceal their identities. This was written in an attempt to help me cope with my own insanity. If you find any errors, typos and the like feel free to email me at Kathryn@KatAndNekoManga.ca
If you wish to see some of my other works (art and manga) feel free to visit us at http://www.KatAndNekoManga.ca and thank you for taking the time to read my stories.
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