Story: Three Years in Hell, A Lifetime of Pain (chapter 13)

Authors: BillGopher

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Chapter 13

[Author's notes: None right now. Just a bunch of angst for Beth and Faith as Beth struggles to pull herself together and deal with what happened to her.

Rating - M-ish



Chapter 13

Central France
3 Days later…

Beth paced in the room she was staying in now. Some of her memories from the prison had started to surface, but she still knew there were large gaps that had yet to be filled in. Last night she had woken up screaming and Faith had literally broken the door down to get in. After she had woken up Beth found she couldn't recall any of what had caused her to wake up that way.
Without even thinking, when she saw Faith Beth had pulled her into a close embrace and held her as she cried. She had felt safe in Faith's arms. Beth angrily stomped on her emotions, [I'm a Marine damnit! I'm supposed to be strong. How could I let myself fall apart that way? Because you need her, that’s why] the answer came unbidden in her mind

Meanwhile on the other side of the house....

Faith was depressed; she knew it, the weeds in the garden she was talking to knew it. Everyone but Beth knew it.

It had been three days since she had told Beth about what happened and since then Beth had limited her conversations to; Yes, No, Maybe. Nothing seemed to draw Beth out of the shell she was hiding in now. She had more conversation with Cave-Beth then normal Beth. Faith sighed, [I guess I just have to deal. She's never going to forgive me or let me forget what I did,] she thought sadly.

Beth walked up behind Faith who was standing outside. “Faith, I'm sorry. I've been a real bitch lately and I've been taking it out on you.”

Faith turned around and looked at Beth, “Accepted Beth. But I gotta tell you, you can't keep whatever it is bottled up inside. I know some of you're memories are coming back, why won't you talk to me?”

Beth frowned, “What are you talking about Faith? I'm fine. And they're just memories, nothing I can't handle.”

Faith took a step forward, “Bullshit B! Is that why I was holding you as you cried till you fell asleep last night and the night before that?? Whatever memories are coming back, you need to talk cause they're causing you to have nightmares.”

“Faith, I can handle it. I got through Boot Camp, 3 years in the Corps, combat and being a POW. I can handle a few bad memories.”

Faith grabbed Beth by the shoulders, “Wake up B! You're not ‘handling’ anything and the sooner you realize that the better.” Faith pushed past Beth and as she walked behind her she turned and put her hand on Beth's arm, “Qui est effrayé maintenant?” *Who's scared now?*

Faith never saw Beths' hand grab her arm or the punch the slammed into her jaw knocking her out.

Beth heard someone speaking French behind her and she just 'reacted'. Before she could pull her punch she had hit Faith and watched her fall like a rock to the ground. “Shit!” Beth swore as she dropped down and checked Faith to see if she was okay. [Okay, she seems okay. I just knocked her out.] Quickly Beth ran back into the house and got a small bowl that she put ice and water in it, and grabbed a towel as she headed back outside to Faith.

Beth soaked the rag, squeezed the excess water out and gently put it on the red mark where she had hit Faith. "I'm so sorry Faith, I never meant for that. I just heard French and..." [And that would be Faith's point exactly wouldn't it!]

Several minutes later Faith's eyes fluttered open, “Ow! Shit that hurts B! You see my point B?” Faith asked as she held the cold rag against her jaw. “You need to talk...”

“It was an accident Faith, that's all. Why can’t you leave it alone?”

“Because of this B,” Faith removed the rag to show the ugly red mark on her face, “you're a loose cannon right now and if you don't open up you're gonna kill someone. That's why!”

“How could you understand?”

“Cause I've been where you are right now. Except I made the wrong decision, don't do the...”

Beth shushed Faith with a gesture, and turned towards the rear of the house and then turned back to Faith. “Huey's...” she whispered.

Faith got up and started moving toward some cover and just got behind a rain barrel when two French soldiers walked around the corner. Faith looked back for Beth but she was gone. Faith watched as the two French soldiers started talking quietly as they meandered from one spot to another before they started walking towards the rain barrel where she was hiding and stopped only a few feet in front of her. They were so close Faith could smell the smoke on one soldier’s breath. She quietly watched as one of the soldiers turned and started walking towards the house and where Faith had last seen Beth. Faith felt a rising surge of anger and hatred in her stomach at what they had done to Beth.
Faith watched as the first soldier walked towards the house he passed a large patch of weeds which suddenly shifted slightly and Beth appeared behind the soldier. Faith saw him start to react and Beth wrap a strong hand over his mouth and a glint of sunlight off knife in her hand before Beth slid the knife across his throat slitting it and cutting off his cry.

Beth pulled the soldier down and into the tall weeds of the garden, taking his assault rifle from his limp grasp. The first soldier stopped only a few paces from Faith, still not seeing her. “Henri,” he called out as he turned and 2 rapid shots rang out and Faith saw the soldier fall. Faith got up and moved over to the soldier, turning his body over she saw two closely placed bullet holes where his heart was.

Faith watched as Beth started walking over to her, as she held the FAMAS-2 assault rifle keeping the barrel pointing down at the ground. “Well these two won’t be bothering us, we’re gonna have to dump their bodies somewhere else though” Beth said casually as she removed the rifle clip and checked it before she slipped the clip back in with a practiced ease.

Faith hadn’t felt afraid for a long time, not since Kakistos had murdered her Watcher in front of her and chased her out of Boston. She thought after that nothing would shock her, she was wrong. As Beth walked towards her Faith backed up several steps. “That’s fine B. But I’ve got some things I need to do. K?” Faith took a wide berth around Beth, never taking her eyes off her until she was far enough away and moved quickly inside the house. Faith stepped inside the house and quickly shut the door behind her, and willed her hands to stop shaking, it wasn’t death that bothered her or made her squeamish. But Beth had killed those two guards without a thought, and before that…For the first time in her life Faith was afraid, afraid of what would happen when Beth lashed out again, would she be dead as those soldiers?

Beth watched as Faith had back away from her and then walked around her and back to the house. At first she was confused by Faith’s reaction until she had seen the fear in Faith’s eyes. Faith was afraid of her. Beth looked down at her hands and dropped the rifle, one hand was covered with the soldiers blood. Beth stood there staring at the blood on her hands. What she had become?


Beth walked up behind Faith who seemed preoccupied doing something. “Faith?”

Faith jumped as Beth’s voice startled her from her thoughts as she oiled and cleaned the hand gun on the table. “Jesus Beth! Can you not sneak up on me?” She said as she turned around and a step back.

“Faith, I’m sorry I hit you. I should’ve checked on you before, I just got…distracted.” Beth went to put her hand on Faith’s, but Faith moved her hand away. Beth saw her Faith was careful to keep some distance between them.

“No prob B. It’s not like I haven’t gotten a shiner before.”

Beth winced mentally at Faith’s reply, she knew that Faith had been beaten when she was younger by her father. Beth moved back slightly and saw that Faith seemed to relax a little.

“Uhmmm, Faith…about this afternoon with the huey’s…” Beth said nervously, afraid she would drive Faith further away.

“You don’t owe me an explanation Beth,” Faith replied.

“Who’s shutting who out now Faith?” Beth snapped.

“Maybe, but can you blame me B?” Faith replied angrily, her nervousness about Beth fading. “You almost knock my head off and then I see you kill 2 soldiers and then afterwards you act is if it’s nothing.”

“This is war Faith, us or them. Those are the choices. Period.” Beth said flatly.

“Yeah it is B and that’s not the problem. The problem is I look at you and you know what I see?”

Beth shook her head.

“Me four years ago, when I was a crazy psycho killing people for the Mayor, that’s what. I know this is war and people die, but you’re so damn casual about it as if death means nothing to you. And I was right where you are now B, my problem was I made the wrong choices and look what it got me; hated, stabbed, in a coma for three years and trying for the rest of my life to make up for a fraction of what I did.”

“It’s not the same Faith, I’m a soldier and this is what I do. Kill the enemy.”

“Yes it is B. You need to look at yourself real close and see if you like what you’re becoming.” Faith rubbed her thumb gently of the back of Beth’s hand. “Because I’ll be honest with you B, what I see scares me. Not the person, but the path she is starting to go down. Okay?”

Beth thought about Faith’s words for a minute before she spoke again. “Okay.”

Faith let go of Beth’s hands and started to walk away when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning around Fatih saw Beth. “Wha…” When a pair of lips met hers and she felt Beth’s tongue tease her lips to open before slipping past her lips to play with her tongue. Faith returned the kiss with equal passion as the two moved against each other and continued for several more moments when Beth slowed down and moved back slightly.

“I want you to know one thing Faith Spencer…I love you.” Beth said very seriously before walking past Faith and towards her room.


Beth closed the door behind her and sat down on the bed. [Okay, I admit it. I love her more than anything. It’s weird to finally admit it. But I can’t stay here, not after what I did. She’s right about me being a loose cannon and I’m not going to put her in danger because of me.] Beth started throwing her clothes and pulled out the knife, the Browning 9mm pistol and ammo she had taken from the dead huey’s this afternoon.

After she was done throwing what she would take with her in the Alice Pack, Beth pulled out a piece of paper and started writing. [When she goes to sleep I’ll slip out then, by the time she wakes up I’ll be too far for her to find me. Hopefully this’ll explain why.]


Faith woke up suddenly with the feeling that something was wrong. Getting out of bed, she picked up the 9mm pistol from the chair by her bad and quietly padded out of the room. Moving quickly and quietly she moved though the house, [What the hell? No soldiers, and everything is fine. So wha…oh shit! Beth] Turning Faith ran towards Beth’s room and slammed her shoulder into the door and tearing it off its hinges. Faith looked over at the bed and saw it was empty except for a piece of paper lying on the pillow. She reached over, picked it up and moved into the hallway that was lit and started reading.

Since you’re reading this you know I’m gone. I’ve thought a lot about what I’m doing. You were right about me being a loose cannon and right now I’m too dangerous to be around. I could’ve killed you this afternoon and I couldn’t live with myself if you were hurt or worse because of me. I need to get away and figure out what I’ve become, someplace where I can’t hurt anyone.
Don’t look for me, just go home and try to forget. Tell Mom & Dawn and the others that I’m okay and that I love and miss them.
I meant what I said to you earlier Faith. It took a long time to figure out, but I love you and I will always love you with all my heart, nothing will ever change that.


Beth Summers


Sunnydale Motel
Sunnydale, CA

Giles entered the hotel room, tossing the keys onto the table and bolting the lock. He shuddered at the filth on the door.

“Rupert?” Startled he turned around one hand moving to his chest. “Joyce. How did you get in here?”

“It wasn't hard. The nice... um, slob at the desk let me in.”

“Ah yes, well that's Joe. He's the night manager here. Why are you out at night?” He paused for a second noticing the weariness about her. “Nevermind. Why are you here?”

“I wanted... I needed to talk to you. I was going to come earlier this week but Dawn got into trouble again at school.” Joyce took several steps forward. “She won't talk to me Rupert, its like she blames me for this...”

“She shouldn't, I'm the one who was wrong. I shouldn't have hid that information from you.” Giles started to pace back and forth slowly. “I'll talk to Dawn later about that.”

“Thank you Rupert. Why though?” Joyce asked.

"Why what?"

“Why did you have that information? Why didn't you tell me?” Joyce asked angrily.

Giles stopped his pacing, “I got the information from a ‘friend’ who I had asked to look into this. As for the second, what good would it have done you? Beth was dead...” Giles reached out for Joyce's hand and gently held it in his own. “Did you ever believe that Beth was guilty of murdering Finch Joyce?”

“No, never. I always knew Beth could never have done that. It had to be that other Slayer, Faith. That's what I never understood though, why Beth would protect Faith that way.” Joyce stepped back from Rupert, “I understand, I think, why you didn’t tell me. But I can't forgive you for lying to me. Not yet at least. I just need a little more time to work things out.”

“I understand Joyce. If you need me, you have my number at work.” Joyce started to walk past him, “I love you Joyce,”

Joyce opened the door and stood in the doorway, “I love you too Rupert.”

Giles watched the door close.


Faith ran to where she heard the yelling and saw Beth. Beth was kneeling above a soldier and was slamming a large rock into his skull.

Faith ran over to Beth and moved in front as Beth went to swing the rock down on the dead soldier Faith grabbed it, “Beth! BETH!! It’s over, he’s dead!!” Faith watched as Beth looked up and the crazed look on Beth’s faded away. “It’s over B, he can’t hurt you anymore.”

Beth tossed the rock to the side and moved away from the soldier, “Yes he can…”

Faith moved over by Beth, “What do you mean? He’s dead, he’s not coming back B.”

“He was one of them,” Beth whispered.

“One of who B?”

“One of the guards…he…they…” Beth trailed off.

Faith put her hands on Beths’ shoulders, “B, one of who?” she asked gently.

Beth stood up suddenly, “It doesn’t matter, he’s dead and they didn’t break me.” Her voice was cold and filled with contempt. “Why are you here anyway?”

Faith stood up, “I’m looking for you and it does matter. Who. Was. He. Beth?” Faith asked stubbornly.

Beth tried walking past Faith, who kept moving in her way and blocking her. “Out of my way Faith!” her voice was angry.

“Oh yeah? Make me B.” Faith stepped back slightly to give herself room, [If getting B angry is the only way to make her talk…]

Beth swung at Faith without any warning, only Faith was ready for her and blocked her punch. “You call that a punch B? That was downright pitiful. No wonder you got captured, you fight like a little girl. Dawn throws a better punch then you do.”

Faith kept blocking B’s attacks and staying on the defensive. Beth’s attacks became faster and faster and Faith continued to parry them content to let B wear herself down or so she hoped. “Is this why you couldn’t help Taylor B? Too weak? Too slow?” Or is it that you ‘need’ someone to save you all the time,” Faith taunted Beth.

“Damn you to hell Faith!!! I didn’t fail Taylor and I don’t need anyone to save me!” Beth yelled back. “I don’t need anyone!!” Beth yelled as tears rolled down her face, “I don’t need anyone Faith,” and Beth fell to her knees sobbing.

Faith dropped to her knees in front of Beth. “B, we all need someone at sometime.” Faith moved till she was right next to Beth and put her hands on either side of her face gently. “Right now you need to tell me what happened to you in that hell hole. What memory is so tearing you into pieces B?”

“I-I-I can’t Faith…”

“Yes you can B. Would you have told Taylor?” Faith asked.

“No…never,” Beth said almost inaudibly.

[What? I thought this guy was like a big brother, why wouldn’t she tell him…] “Look at me B. Now tell me what happened.”

Faith heard Beth mumble something but couldn’t understand what she said. “You gotta turn the volume up. Now what happened to you in there?”

[I can’t. If I tell her I’ll lose her. ‘You don’t have her now either’] Beth’s little voice answered her. “I was raped…” she whispered. Beth kept her eyes focused on the ground as she waited to hear Faith stand and leave.

Faith almost didn’t hear what Beth had said. [What?!?] Of all the things she thought could have happened, that wasn’t one of them or maybe it was one Faith hadn’t wanted to let herself dwell on. “B…”

“No don’t. Just go, I don’t want your pity.” Beth’s voice was emotionless and blank as she buried her feelings behind the wall she had built to protect herself from being hurt.

“I’m not leaving B.” Faith reached over and took Beth’s hands in her own. Faith saw the stiff way that Beth held herself, it was the look of someone waiting for the other shoe to drop. “That’s what everyone else has done, but not me...”

“I thought you were afraid of me Faith, you said so.” Beth asked softly, a part of her desperately wanting to believe what Faith was saying was true.

“No, I was afraid of what you were becoming, cold and hard and uncaring. But I was never afraid of you. Tell me what happened B.”

Beth’s eyes looked away as she brought the memory back of what happened. “It was a few weeks after we’d been there. Things had been pretty regular, they came dragged you out of your cell and tortured you for information. Then one day they came for me as always, but they took me to a different room and threw me inside…”

Faith softly ran her hands up and down Beth’s arms as she saw the anguish in her eyes, “I was wrong…you don’t have to tell me B. I shouldn’t have pushed.”

Beth looked at Faith, “No, you were right. I do have to get this out.”


“When they threw me inside this time there were five men inside and the guards said ‘Have fun boys!’ I knew I was in trouble, I managed to kill two of them but I was tired and weak…and they held me down…and…” Tears fell down Beth’s face as she remembered what was done to her and struggled to find her voice to continue. “And…”

Faith saw the agony on Beth’s face and pulled Beth against her and held her close, “It’s okay, you’re okay,” she murmured softly into Beth’s ear over and over.

Beth forced herself to continue, “They forced some liquid down my throat and everything became blurry and I felt like I couldn’t move. All I could feel was them pushing themselves inside me over and over until I passed out.” Beth leaned back so she could look at Faith’s face, afraid she would see disgust on her face. But all she saw was concern and love in Faith’s eyes.

“I’m sorry B. I’d kill the bastards that hurt you like that if I could, but together we’ll find a way to get through this.” Faith pulled Beth against her and held her in her arms and felt Beth’s arms wrap around her. “I love you B, I have for a long time. Let me help you.” Faith ignored the tears she felt in her eyes.

“I’ll try Faith, but it’s hard to let go of what they did. I just want to…”

“I know. But we can do it, together. Nothing can stop the Chosen Two.”

Beth moved back to look at Faith as she smirked, “You’re lucky I love you F, otherwise I’d have to hurt you for that corny Chosen Two…”

Faith kissed Beth gently on the lips cutting her off, “Hah! I laugh at the smell of danger!” a silly grin on her face.

“I can’t believe you said that! I thought only Xander said that.”

“Where do you think I got it?” Faith asked with a smile. “Come on, let’s get out of here. We have to get back and get ready to move, I heard it’s clearer further north, east towards Belfort.”

Faith and Beth stood up their hands still linked as they held on to each other and started the walk back.

Continued Chapter 14

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