Chapter 6: Nevermore
“What did you do?”
I smiled at the child. “I learned to live without my eyes.”
This was where it all began: Dantooine, the only home I ever knew. The once vibrant lands became barren after the Sith left, but slowly, the planet healed itself. People came out of hiding and rebuilt their lives. The Jedi returned, though no longer the dominant presence they were before Malak, before me. They set up a new Academy about fifty miles away and they even invited me to stay with them, to teach them about my experiences. I declined.
And life went on.
This particular patch of soil and rock was my favorite place to meditate. Kath Hounds no longer roamed and the vegetation left something to be desired, but how could I resist the setting of my first kiss? Bastila called me a hapless romantic, but I knew she found the gesture cute. The other benefit of this place were the rock outcroppings left over from the destruction--they made nice places to sit, at least for rocks.
“Why do you live?” someone else called out. I remembered his voice: Klith, one of the young Jedi who made the journey from the Academy. “You told us last time that life is meaningless, that all our endeavors become nothing, so why struggle with yourself and your burdens? Why rebuild Dantooine like you have?”
They all asked the same question after hearing my tale. I could hardly blame them since I myself pondered the point many times. “Why not?” I asked. “Life is meaningless. The Force is nothing. We could lay down and die, neglect our young and watch them wither away, but why? Why should we not live? Do you have a good reason?”
“You say the Force drives us, but yet you say it is nothing. What are we striving towards then? What is our purpose?”
Youthful thought--I remembered it well. One glance at young Klith’s aura and I knew he would grow up to become a good man. “Our purpose is to live.” Enigmatic, but the statement was true and simple. “The Force has little bearing on how we live: we can be warriors, physicians, villagers, warlords, Jedi, or Sith. Why shouldn’t you exploit others with the gift you’ve been given, Klith? Only you can answer that question, and when you do, you’ll know why you live. Don’t let anyone else tell you what is right and what is wrong; decide for yourself. History has painted many monsters as heroes and many heroes as monsters. If everything is nothing and our actions become meaningless, why be anything but truthful to yourself?”
Discussions broke out amongst the older members of my audience. Time to go and let them make their own decisions--I was finished with my meditation anyway.
“Revan,” said Master Vandar, who stood his diminuitive head and shoulders above the other Jedis, “Some of the students wish to witness your unique ability for themselves. Would you care to oblige them?”
I politely nodded. “Of course. Who brought their lightsabers today?”
Three of the Jedi students stood and drew their weapons. They amounted to mere pups, but I’m sure all of them thought they could take a blind lady.
“Do not hold back,” Vandar encouraged, “I know Revan does not.”
The fight ended before it began.
I used the Force to pull one of their sabers to me as I jumped at them. The one on the left tried to attack, but I ducked his feeble strike and tripped him to the ground. His lightsaber went flying into the air and I spun, catching it in my off-hand and pivoting in time to stop my two weapons from cleaving the remaining combatants’ heads off.
“Not bad,” I smiled, turning off the lightsabers and tossing them back to their respective owners. “They didn’t soil themselves.”
“H... H... How do you see?” one of the defeated--and still very shook up--Jedi asked.
“I do not see with my eyes anymore: I sense the Force echoing in everything. While I cannot tell you the color of your eyes, I can read your heart and the patterns of the Force lingering in you.”
“What is it like?”
I chuckled at his curiosity. “Like seeing the soul instead of the body.”
After brushing the dust from my robes, I bowed to the people here. “I really must get going. I have to help with dinner tonight.”
The crowd parted for me, the blind sage. They called me a whole spectrum of names--the outcast, the oracle, the soothsayer, the wise one--but I didn’t mind. The blind sage seemed to be the one catching on in recent months. Guess when someone did as much as I had, people talked about you. Couldn’t be helped.
Home called to me. It was nothing special, just another rebuilt city of a rebuilding civilization, but I built it. In a perfect world, this would be a grand place, resplendent with all my friends and mentors. Too bad this wasn’t a perfect world.
After the battle at the Star Forge, everyone went their separate ways. Carth reunited with his son, Dustil, and set off for places unknown. Some part of him loved me, and when I came back to the Ebon Hawk with Bastila in arm, he couldn’t take the sight. I let him go and we parted as friends, though where he lived now I hadn’t a clue. I wished him the best.
I wished him love.
Contrary to his grumblings about old age, Master Jolee took Juhani under his wings. They canvassed the galaxy, Juhani learning and Master just enjoying the twilight of his days. They returned to Dantooine on occasion, too occasionally for Juhani’s liking. For some odd reason, Juhani still considered herself indebted to me. I told her any debt would be repaid after charging to my rescue those years ago, but she wouldn’t relent. Master Jolee said something about taking only the most thick-headed students but he left it at that.
And Juhani loved me too. I saw the affections in her spirit. I heard her pulse quicken whenever I approached. Maybe that’s why she wanted to stay in Dantooine. Maybe that’s why Master Jolee mentored her. The old man... still looking out for me. He knew if he left Juhani alone, she’d find her way to my doorstep and eventually cause difficulties for Bastila and myself. I remember one night as I lay in the Ebon Hawk, he came to my bedside. Unadjusted to my blindness, I was little more than a pitiful wreck, albeit one who tried to act strong. We talked for hours about this and that, but his final words would haunt me till the end of my existence.
“I failed you, Revan.”
I reached for his hand but he was no longer beside me.
“I failed you twice. There will not be a third.”
Life carried on, but the shadow of those comments tinged our relationship ever since. I tried to console him, but in his own tired, stubborn way, he remained inconsolable. In my estimation, it took a thick-headed mentor to teach a thick-headed student. If he could teach me, that said something about his state of mind.
Canderous? Well, Canderous sold his skills to the Republic. Snippets of his glorious exploits filtered down to me and if they were correct, he stayed true to the tradition of his people. I was glad for him.
Mission and Zaalbar ended much like Bastila and myself: content. They had each other and they left the details to the winds. I didn’t ask about their relationship and they never said a word, but the way they glowed around each other defied description. Master Jolee and Juhani ran into them some months back and they appeared to be well.
I wished them love.
As for Bastila?
“Revan.”
Her light shined as bright as ever. She stood before our cottage, one of the many humble structures intertwined with technological intricacies salvaged from the Star Forge’s remains. See, the Jedi decided the Star Forge was too powerful to be left alone--for once, I agreed with them. Under my command, the greatest weapon of war self-destructed. Some of the technologies I brought back here to give Bastila and myself the best modern comforts.
Lithe fingers brushed the blindfold I’d tied over my eyes. “Why do you wear this thing? It’s so unbecoming of you.”
Drawn by my reputation, a township surrounded us. I guess most of them hoped no one would be crazy enough to take on the woman who brought the galaxy to its knees. Having all the Jedi here served to enhance the peaceful image, somehow balancing my fierce repute. Grizzle war veterans, elder scientists, even a former Senator made their homes here. Master Vandar once told me my neck of Dantooine looked like a Republic retirement community where somebodies went to live out their days. I paid him no heed.
I hated it when Jedi were right.
“I’m blind, Bastila.”
“It hides your beautiful eyes.”
She always got on me about how I covered my eyes. Absorbing all those energies burned out the color pigments in them, turning my green eyes into dull blue ones but Bastila still loved them all the same.
Her lips brushed against mine. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
I held her tight and felt her back muscles ripple underneath the pressure. “I’m not ashamed of anything. A few people said I look good with it on. Made me more mysterious.”
Those full breasts pressed against mine. Excitement welled up below my waist. I tried to snake my tongue into her mouth but she broke away.
“Mmm,” she purred, “You’re awfully-”
“Declaration: Respect Master’s privacy, meatbags! Nothing to see here. Repeat: nothing to see!” Blasters powered up and shuffling feet quickly dispersed.
If a woman could love a droid, I’d love HK like a son.
Bastila chuckled. “I think we’ve drawn a crowd again.”
Hmph. “Seem to be doing that wherever I go.”
Ever smiling, she led me into our home and closed the door. Aromas of fine foods filled the air and soft, relaxing music pulsed from points unknown. A clunk signaled the bolting of our door.
“Smells heavenly. What’s for dinner?”
She pushed me against the wall and pinned my wrists above my head. “Fowl,” she whispered.
“Fowl?”
A nose nuzzled against mine. “I’m having Revan.”
Even after years together, Bastila never failed to bring me to my knees. Gone was the haughty but unsure girl Vrook made her into; here stood a confident, commanding woman, the way Bastila was and should’ve always been.
We kissed.
We fondled.
Things progressed from there, culminating in our sweating, naked bodies draped over each other on... on... the floor? In the afterglow of our love, I rested my head on her stomach while she played with strands of my hair. Darkness embraced me, but I felt the warmth of Bastila’s immaculate spirit. She was beauty given life. She was hope personified. She was my reason for living.
I brushed my lips against a patch of her silky skin. “I love you.”
“Say it again.”
“I love you.”
She breathed deeply and suppressed a small shudder. “Those three words never grow tiresome.”
“I hope not. Besides my gorgeous figure, that’s all I have to keep you here. It’s sad, really.”
“You give yourself far too little credit.” She rolled out from under me and padded away.
“Abandoned,” I sniffled, forlorn, “This is exactly what I’m talking about! Tis my ghastly fate...”
“Oh hush. You’re no longer a child, Revan.”
Suddenly, a heavy blanket landed on me. I heard rustling, and like that, like she was never gone, Bastila scrunched against my side. “Got cold,” she muttered.
“Didn’t need a blanket, Bastila. We could’ve used the Force.”
Her finger jabbed a rib. “That’s hardly an appropriate way to use the Force!”
“What? We’re cold and a little concentration could’ve warmed us up. I’ll have you know your belly is soft and comfy.”
She threw the covers over our heads and shut me up in wondrous ways only she could. I wished this peace, this love, this day would last forever and the galaxy would leave us be. I wished we wouldn’t matter to the world, only to ourselves.
Funny. We all know how that foolish dream goes.
That story, however, is one for another time.
- The End.