Written By Lisa Grey
Developed by Lisa Grey and James R. Axelrad
Edited by James R. Axelrad and Johnny G
Chapter 14
October 2009...
Over the last three days, the enemy's harassing attacks had intensified. The Earth Forces were being worn ragged with the daily, sometimes several times daily, periods of fierce combat. Each time the SDF-1 was pushed a little further off course for Earth. Not only that but they were getting low on supplies with their journey lengthening.
So it was a welcome development when Sammy picked up a signal from Mars Base Sara. It appeared to be an automated broadcast, but it reminded Captain Gloval that there were still supplies to be had there. Unable to pass up the opportunity he had Claudia lay in a course for Mars Base Sara.
For Lisa, it was utter torture. Part of her hoped against hope that there might be survivors still at the base and that one of them might be Karl. Another part of her pined for a certain redhead. Her faded feelings for her old love and the painful feelings of her new were conflicting like never before. Perhaps had Ranma not shut her out and perhaps if she wasn't so depressed, it wouldn't have caused her such confusion. One thing Lisa was certain of was that there would be closure for her by the time the SDF-1 left Mars.
(oOO/Oo)
Ranma was still off flight status. She had made a little progress thanks to the meds, but she was still moping around refusing contact with anyone. Ranma tried to feel guilty about not helping out in the fighting but it took too much energy to care. She just lay in her quarters in the dark and felt sorry for herself, rarely moving except when her stomach forced her to go to the galley.
When the announcement came that they would be landing on Mars, Ranma was surprised to find herself interested. She dragged herself out of the bunk and took a shower. Putting on clean underwear and a uniform she made her way to the Officers lounge which had a nice view overlooking the twin booms of the main gun.
The redhead was just in time to see a Cat's Eye recon aircraft get launched and head down to the planet below. It was fascinating to see the red orange planet from this close. It all looked very peaceful, but lifeless. Much like herself, she thought wryly.
The SDF-1 began to plow atmosphere, descending for the surface of the planet. It wasn't long before Mars Base Sara came into view. It was surprisingly large, looking like a small city. Ranma wondered what it was like to be stationed at a place like that. She thought of her friend Karl who had left Earth to get away from the fighting only to be killed when the battle came to Mars.
Her thoughts turned dark as she contemplated Karl's death. He was the first real friend she had lost and at the time she had dealt with it okay. It wasn't getting any easier though. In fact, it seemed with each friend she lost it was getting harder each time. Each time she felt a little more powerless to protect those that remained. She knew it was the nature of battle to lose your comrades, but somehow she had a hard time coming to grips with the fact that she couldn't protect them all. Survivor's guilt, the shrink had called it.
The SDF-1 settled some distance from the base and began deploying destroids to secure the base and Valkyries to fly cover. Once they reached the base and set up a perimeter, the supply convoy was dispatched. Shortly after that a lone jeep left the ship and headed toward the base.
Lisa, Ranma somehow knew, was in that jeep. She was going to search for one last contact with Karl. Taking one last chance to be with her lost love. Ranma wished her luck, hoping that Lisa would find some closure in the remnants of Karl's life so that she could move on. Not for Ranma's sake, but for Lisa's. Ranma wanted her to be happy, but she knew that she was too messed up to be the one to make Lisa happy, no matter what the beautiful brunette seemed to think. Perhaps without Karl haunting her she would find that someone.
Several minutes later, the SDF-1 rose off the ground and began to inch toward the base before settling inside the base perimeter. The supplies began to be loaded. Suddenly General Quarters sounded and Claudia's voice came over the PA.
"All personnel, battle stations, I repeat all personnel to battle stations," Claudia said. "Enemy attack force sighted. Attack is imminent. Attack is imminent."
More Veritechs were launched and the SDF-1 shuddered as it tried to rise. It failed. Ranma watched from her position in the Officer's Lounge and the battle was joined and the dying began. She had never seen the battle from quite this perspective before. It looked horrible and she wondered how anybody survived it.
It quickly became apparent that this was an overwhelming force and it had been an ambush from the start. Ranma sighed as she reached out to touch the glass as if to help her comrades as they fought for survival. Her thoughts went to the 60 thousand civilians on board. Faces flashed in her mind. Some had names like Minmei, Max, Lina. Others were familiar but she didn't know their names, like the matronly lady at the boutique, the elderly cop on the corner, the ticket girl at the theater. They would all die today.
Suddenly Ranma was pissed off. It wasn't right. They never asked for this. They never asked for their lives to be caught up in this stupid war. They were not soldiers. What was worse, was here she was, a soldier, whose job it was to fight, sitting here on her ass feeling sorry for herself instead of being out there helping. How many people had died that wouldn't have if she had been out there fighting along side them?
"Who the hell do I think I am?" Ranma snarled softly to herself. "God I'm pathetic. All I can do is hide in my cabin while others go out and die in my place..." She was interrupted from her tirade by the PA.
"Lt. Commander Saotome, please call the bridge immediately," Claudia said, her tone strident with desperation. "Please call the bridge immediately!"
Ranma grabbed the phone and dialed up the bridge.
"Claudia, it's me Ranma," she said. "What's wrong?"
"Oh thank god," Claudia said. "Ranma, it's Lisa. Something is wrong with her. We're pinned down by gravity mines and the Captain had Lisa set the base reflex furnace to overload. The explosion should take out the mines, but Lisa says she's not coming back. Ranma you have to go get her. You’re the only one that can. The rest of our forces are engaged. There is no one else."
"I'm going, just make sure Wild Rose One is ready when I get there," Ranma said.
"Already done, go, you don't have much time," Claudia said.
(oOO/Oo)
"Soon, Karl, we'll be together again," Lisa spoke. "If Ranma won't let me be with her then I'll be with you, my love."
Lisa looked over the room, at this place, Karl's place. She thought of her lost fiancé and wondered what his life here was like. Was he happy? Did he think of her often? Was it painful when he...died? She picked up a picture off his desk. One of the two of them standing arm in arm. She could remember the day it was taken. Ranma had taken it for them and they were all so happy. Next to it was another picture of the three of them. Lisa smiled at the picture. Karl had reached around Lisa and put rabbit ears over Ranma's head.
Those were good times. Death seemed so distant then. They still believed they had their whole lives to look forward to. How foolish of them. How unbelievably naïve they were.
"Oh Karl, I love you so much," Lisa said softly. "And yet I love Ranma too. I know that now. As much as I loved you. Was it foolish of me to lose my heart to Ranma? She is so troubled. I wanted so badly to help her but she wouldn't reach out to take my hand."
At that moment the window of the room crashed inward as a giant Veritech hand reached in the window and rested on the sill. The cockpit popped open and a pink and white clad figure agilely hopped out on to the arm and ran down it to land on the floor in front of her.
"Lisa, what's going on?" Ranma said. "Claudia told me you refused to leave."
"That's right," Lisa said. "I'm staying right here. If you can't accept my love then I want to be with Karl."
"Lisa?" Ranma said, dumbfounded. "Come on, Lisa, I'm just a messed up idiot. You can do better than me. Let's get you out of here. They need you one the SDF-1."
"I don't care," Lisa said. "I'm not going."
"Please, Lisa," Ranma begged. "Don't do this. I know you're hurting. I know you miss him, but think of all the people that need you on the ship. I...I need you. If you're not going then I'm not either." Ranma sat on the bed.
"Do you mean that, Ranma?" Lisa asked, a small hope dawning.
"I love you, Lisa," Ranma nodded. "I think you can do a lot better than me, but god help me I do love you."
"Oh Ranma," Lisa sighed. "I don't want any better then you. You're perfect. When you're not beating yourself up that is. If I go back, you have to promise me on that vaunted honor of yours, that you won't shut me out anymore. If we are going to be together, we are going to be a team. I will share your burdens and you will share mine. The clock is ticking. Do you promise?"
"Yeah, Lisa," Ranma said softly. "I promise, on my honor, I won't shut you out anymore. I'm sorry I hurt you."
"Oh Ranma," Lisa said glomping the smaller girl. "I love you so much. Let's get out of here."
Luckily for Ranma, she could fly her Veritech 'hands free' because it was a very tight fit with the two of them in the cockpit. Ranma sat in Lisa's lap since she was the smaller of the two. Wild Rose One took off and streaked for orbit, going to fighter mode as the base, falling away below them, exploded taking out the enemy forces there. Lisa held her tightly as she jinked and dodged Wild Rose One around debris and battle pods that had managed to escape the initial blast. They didn't escape the Veritechs covering the SDF-1's assent.
They met the ship in orbit and landed on the flight deck. Ranma popped the canopy and climbed out, assisting Lisa down. The pair stood side by side holding hands and looking down at the red planet.
"Good bye, Karl," Lisa said. "And thank you."
"I'll take good care of her, Karl," Ranma said. "I promise."
"Ranma?"
"Yeah, Lisa?"
"I need you. Badly. Soon. My cabin, now."
"Aye aye, Ma'am."
(oOO/Oo)
Two hours later, Lisa held Ranma close as they basked in the after glow of their passionate lovemaking.
"Ranma?"
"Yeah Lisa?"
"I need all of you."
"But you just had all of me...several times in fact."
"No Ranma, I had your female side several times, and I loved every minute of it. But you still have your male side and I need to claim that too," Lisa purred sensually.
"I'll get the water," Ranma squeaked, and ran out of the room at mach 1.
(oOO/Oo)
Another two hours later...
"So which do you prefer?" Ranma asked as he held Lisa's beautiful naked body close against his own.
"I prefer you," Lisa purred.
"But they're both me," Ranma protested.
"Exactly," Lisa said with an enigmatic smiled.
"Lisa?"
"Yeah Ranma?"
"I hadn't planned on this, but it just feels right. Will you marry me?"
An hour later, when Lisa finished ravishing him, she lay on top of him spent with him still inside her.
"How's that for an answer?" Lisa said groggily.
"I'll take that as an unequivocal yes," Ranma smiled in contentment. "I'll ask again, of course, when I get a ring."
"You'll get the same answer," Lisa giggled.
"I was hoping so," Ranma grinned, stroking her flanks tenderly.
Nothing further was said as they succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep, resting peacefully in the warmth of their love.
(oOO/Oo)
"So why the big turn around, Miss Saotome?" Dr. Koenig asked.
"I dunno," Ranma said. "I was sitting in the Officer's lounge watching the battle that was taking place when we were trapped on Mars and I could see things were not going well. I thought of all the civilians that were counting on us to protect them and get them home and suddenly I just got angry with myself. Here I was, one of the best the SDF-1 can field, and I was sitting on my butt feeling sorry for myself while my fellow warriors were out there dying to protect the ship and its inhabitants."
"And how did that make you feel?" the counselor asked.
"I felt pretty pathetic," Ranma said. "I realized that it didn't matter if people liked me or accepted me. I could still protect them. I'm a warrior. It's all I've ever been and all I've ever wanted to be. I've trained all my life for that role. Whether or not the people I protect like me is irrelevant."
"I see," Koenig said. "How are you dealing with the deaths of you friends?"
"It hurts," Ranma admitted. "It hurts a lot. But they were also warriors. I mourn their loss, but it doesn't do anybody any good for me to be sulking. I have to be out there to make their sacrifice mean something. I have to say this though. I can deal with losing people in battle. I don't like it at all, but it's a fact of life. I probably wouldn't have snapped like I did if it hadn't been for the other crap that was bugging me."
"Tell me about the other stuff," Koenig said.
"I guess you know about my little secret, huh?" Ranma asked.
"I've been fully briefed on your condition," Koenig said. "I must admit I find it fascinating. It must have been difficult for you. Frankly, I'm amazed you haven't cracked before now."
"Yeah, well, the change itself wasn't that hard to get used to," Ranma explained. "The magic makes some adjustments that helps a person be able to live with it. It's the outside elements that make it stressful. The fear of discovery, the way people look at you, like you're some sort of freak, people you are close to rejecting you when they find out, the fact that practically no one would hire you if they knew, or that they would send you packing if they found out."
"I can understand that," Koenig said. "That has to be a terrible burden to live under."
"It is," Ranma said. "It wasn’t as bad as it could be though. At least with the temperature required to change me into my other form, it's practically impossible for me to be changed be accident. That's why I chose to live in this form."
"Was it a hard decision for you?" Koenig asked.
"At first it was, 'cause I didn't know anything about being a girl," Ranma admitted. "And my conditioning rebelled against it. All my life up until that time I was raised to be an ultra-macho poster child for the patriarchy. I was constantly told how weak and worthless women were. I knew rationally that most of that was bullshit, but the reality was that I knew next to nothing about women and without much experience to go on, some part of me had accepted that there was a grain of truth to what Pop had spouted. Now here I was left with the option of being thought of as a freak if I tried to live as male in any capacity, or living my life as a woman and at least having a sort of normal life."
"You chose womanhood, obviously," the doctor commented. "How did you handle it?"
"At first I resisted the things expected of a woman," Ranma said. "I refused to wear skirts and female underwear. The underwear thing didn't last long. I understood the need after dealing with breasts for a while. The skirts and make-up didn't come until later. Lisa convinced me that I needed to accept them so as to not stand out in a non-conformist way. It made sense since the military is not very big on non-conformists. So I accepted the necessity."
"How about socially?" Koenig prompted.
"I'd have to say that socially, I tried to keep my distance from everyone," Ranma said. "It was both a defense against being rejected and a way to avoid the female social role. But gradually, again with help, I began to accept that as well. For a while now, I've been more uncomfortable being male than I've been being female. The female role is just normal for me now. It's like my perception has turned 180 from what it was at the beginning."
"Interesting," Koenig said. "Most people that identify as male do so regardless of their sex. It causes quite a lot of problems for them when their gender and sex don't agree."
"You mean transsexuals," Ranma stated. "That's where the magic made the adjustment. The way it was explained to me was the magic gave me a full set of instincts and feelings appropriate to the body. The effect was this body never felt wrong or alien deep down. Sure my rational mind was telling me that it was wrong because I lived as and was conditioned to be male, but without the other stuff to back it up, the conditioning faded."
"So what would you say you are now?" Koenig asked. "Not just what your current form is, but how do you see yourself?"
"I...I guess..." Ranma stammered. "I guess I'm more female than anything else. Before the attack, I went out on a date as a guy and it was...uncomfortable. Not because of the date. That was great. It's just that I've had too much experience as a female. I've developed female habits and mannerisms and I know what's expected of me socially as a woman. As a male, well, I never really learned much about what was expected of men. Pop kept me away from people in general so I was really socially stunted. I suppose if I had to I could learn to be a man, much like I learned to be a woman, but there's no real reason to do so."
"Was that hard for you to admit?" Koenig asked.
"In a way," Ranma said. "There's still a part of me that resists making the final surrender. Maybe it's because I can still be male sometimes. I don't know."
"What if you could be cured?" Koenig suggested.
"There is no cure," Ranma said emphatically.
"Humor me, what if there was?" the doctor asked.
"I...don't think I'd take it," Ranma said. "Like I said, this is who I am now. I'm comfortable as a woman. I mean, I don't like being forced to be some frilly delicate flower or anything. At best, I'm a bit of a tomboy. Still, I don't mind feeling feminine, depending on who it is that's making me feel that way. I've found it can be fun sometimes."
"How about if there was a way for you to stay female all the time, so that you didn't have to worry about the change being exposed?" the doctor postulated.
"That's a tough one," Ranma said thoughtfully. "It a way it would be great, but..." She trailed off.
"But?" he prompted.
"Well, there's Lisa," Ranma said. "I don't know if she would like that. And I guess I would like to have a family someday...anyway, it's irrelevant because unless you know magic, it's not possible."
"So Lisa pushes you to be a man?" the doctor asked.
"No, it's not like that," Ranma said. "She accepts me for what I am. She loves me like this as much as the other way. I don't know what that makes her, or me for that matter, but I know she likes men too. I'm not sure if she would chose to be with another girl besides me, but she seems to want me like this as much or more so than when I'm in male form. However, I do like being able to provide for all her needs." Ranma blushed deeply.
"Well, I guess it's a good thing for both of you that you can then," the doctor grinned. "Let's go back to you're other problems since your relationship issues seem to have cleared up for now. Now I understand that you've had problems with your squadron. Tell me about those."
"Well, there's not much to tell really," Ranma said. "They didn't take the revelation too well. They seemed to think I had deceived them."
"Do you think you deceived them?" Koenig asked.
"Well, not really," Ranma answered after a pause for thought. "My past was none of their business and it's not like I was pretending to be a girl to take advantage of them. I am a girl and they knew that I am, for all intents and purposes, a lesbian. It didn't seem to bother them before. No, I really don't think it was a deception. Now if I had been in an intimate relationship with them, it would have been different. They would have had a right to know what they were getting into."
"Why do you think it's different for a non-intimate relationship?" the doctor inquired.
"Well, because our relationship, while it was close, was a professional one," Ranma replied. "And professionally, I'm completely female. Also, as long as I'm doing my job, then they have no right to know anything about my personal life. It's not like we hang out together on a regular basis. I mean sure, we go out and party together and stuff but nothing beyond that. I purposely tried to maintain that distance. The only people I let myself get really close to on a personal basis were the ones that knew about my...condition."
"So what are you going to do about the women that are having a hard time with it?" the doctor asked.
"Well, there's not much I can do," Ranma answered. "I guess I'll just do my job and act normal. Maybe they'll see that I really am the person they thought they knew and respected. I can't change the way they feel, and their approval, while it would be nice to have and it would make for better morale, is not necessary to perform our duty. They owe me respect as a superior officer, and I will insist on that, but if they want to despise me personally, then that's fine too. If they can't deal with it then I've already said I would approve their transfer request."
"You seem to be much more stable than you were. The change was rather mercurial," the doctor observed.
"Well, like I said, watching the battle on Mars put my professional life in perspective," Ranma pointed out. "And as far as my personal life...Lisa and I have worked things out. She said goodbye to Karl and I accepted the idea that she really does want to be with me. We are in a committed relationship now. Accepting her emotional support has made me feel like nothing else matters that much as long as I have her beside me."
"Good for you," Doctor Koenig smiled. "Well, I don't see why we can't put you back on flight status. Just remember, if things start to trouble you, come talk to me. That's what I'm here for. When you keep it all bottled up inside, something eventually has to give."
"I'm starting to realize that," Ranma grinned. "Don't worry, I promised Lisa I would share my problems with her. If she thinks I need it, then I'm sure she'll have me gift wrapped and delivered to your door step ASAP." Koenig chuckled.
"Well, good luck, Miss Saotome," the man said, shaking her hand.
"Thanks Doc," Ranma said. "See ya around."
(oOO/Oo)
After Ranma left the shrink, she set out to visit the merchant district of Macross in search of a particular store. She grinned to herself as she thought about what she would be buying. It was, well, not something she ever expected to need to buy, but one she was surprisingly eager to purchase.
"Oi! Mum!" Ranma turned and saw Vicki hurrying over to her. "Hello there, Gorgeous, it's good to see you out and about!"
"It's good to be out and about," Ranma smiled.
"So are you feeling better?" Vicki asked with a concerned tone.
"Yeah, I am," Ranma answered with a smile. "Very much better, thanks."
"Fantastic, what," the Brit gushed. "So that means you'll be coming back to work? We all miss you, even the ones that won't admit it."
"I got cleared to return to flight status today," Ranma grinned. "How are my...the girls?"
"We're still 'your' girls, Mum," Vicki smiled. "They've been acting like a bunch of whiney bitches, sure. They need their Mum back to set them straight."
"Well, we'll just have to take care of that, won't we?" Ranma winked at her.
"Look, Mum, I'm sorry about how you've been treated," Vicki said sadly. "T'wasn't right. I think most of them are seeing that now."
"You don't have to apologize, Vicki," Ranma said. "You and Tia, you both stood by me. The rest of them don't have to apologize either. I perfectly understand where they were coming from. What you all saw was...mind blowing and scary."
"It definitely pegged the weirdness dial," Vicki giggled. "But seriously, it doesn't matter. You've been a fine CO and never given us a reason to doubt you. They should have seen that and given you the benefit of the doubt. They're coming around though."
"Well, that's good to hear," Ranma admitted.
"So, Mum, what brings you down here?" Vicki grinned. "Doing a little shopping are we?"
"I'm looking for a diamond," Ranma grinned. "The carbon based kind as opposed to the bubbly British kind."
"Oh you..." Vicki slapped her shoulder. "A diamond you say? Well, you've managed to run into the right girl, what. There's a reason behind my call sign. Let's go, I'll help."
With that Ranma found herself being dragged bodily behind the enthusiastic British girl. She brought them right to the jewelry store, obviously knowing right where it was and having been there many times before.
"Vicki, how wonderful to see you again," the store's proprietor said merrily. "It's been what, at least 24 hours!"
"Oh stop," Vicki said with a giggle and presented Ranma to the woman. "This is my Mum and she's looking for a diamond. Mum this is Beth, purveyor of all your sparkling needs."
"Your Mom?" Beth raised an eyebrow.
"Of Course," Vicki enthused. "She's our squadron CO. How much more motherly can you get than that?"
"Pleased to meetcha," Ranma said, blushing.
"So 'Mum'," Beth grinned, "What sort of diamond are you interested in? In what sort of setting?"
"I'd like to look at your engagement rings, please," Ranma said shyly, inadvertently setting off an explosion of feminine glee in all its terrible glory right next to her.
Vicki squealed in excitement and glomped Ranma jumping up and down with her.
"Oh Mum that's fabulous!" the Brit gushed. "Commander Hayes finally managed to get through that stubbornness of yours, what? Did it take dynamite? Symtex? A nuke?"
"An overloading reflex furnace actually," Ranma blushed.
"No kidding?" Vicki said, a little shocked that an explosion actually was involved.
"No kidding," Ranma giggled.
Beth showed them the rings she had available. She had a surprisingly large selection given that they were salvaged from Macross Island after the fold. Beth intimated that she had banked on engagement rings being a hot item and she and her husband, who was a jewelry maker, had taken other pieces and made them into engagement rings.
Eventually, after much discussion, Ranma decided on a gold and platinum band with a 1 carat solitaire flanked by two smaller emeralds that matched Lisa's eyes. It cost here nearly a years salary but she had a lot saved up, not having spent much during her time in the military. Taking her purchase, Ranma thanked Beth, who thought it strange for a girl to buy her own engagement ring, and left with Vicki.
"Oh, Commander Hayes is going to just adore it," Vicki gushed...still. "I'm so happy for you! So when are you going to ask her?"
"Actually I already have," Ranma confessed. "It felt right at the time and her answer was...passionate."
"I bet it was," Vicki smirked. "But still, you should have a party. Propose to her in front of everyone."
"I dunno, Vicki," Ranma said. "I was kinda planning on doing it in...er...rare form."
"Oh, well, you could do it in front of your friends that know," Vicki suggested.
"Yeah, but I wouldn't want to insult anyone by not inviting them," Ranma said.
"Like who?" Vicki asked.
"Well, like I would like to invite my 'daughters' but at least one of them doesn't know," Ranma said. "At least I don't think she knows yet." Vicki shook her head. "And then there's the others that might not want to see me in rare form."
"So why are you doing it in 'rare form'?" Vicki asked. "I mean, you said you were a girl now."
"True, but Lisa likes my rare form," Ranma explained. "Don't get me wrong, she likes this form as much or better, but if I know Lisa, she's planning on turning the tables on me. She likes the role-sharing aspect of our relationship. You know, she likes to take the lead when we are girls, but she likes me to take the lead when I'm in rare form. So I imagine, she'll be the one proposing to me in this form and I'll be sporting a ring. So I'll propose to her the other way. That way it balances out." Vicki laughed.
"That must be a really interesting relationship you both have," Vicki said happily.
"Yeah, it has its rewards," Ranma grinned. "I'm just lucky I found someone like her, that doesn't mind either form and is happy with me being female most almost all the time."
"Well, it's like I always say," Vicki said sagely, "there's someone out there for everyone. Although I must confess, I suspect there are several someone's that would adore being in Commander Hayes' place."
"Oh?" Ranma asked. Vicki just grinned enigmatically and said nothing.