Written By Lisa Grey
Developed by Lisa Grey and James R. Axelrad
Edited by James R. Axelrad and Johnny G
Chapter 13
May 2009...
Ranma was released from the sick bay the following day in perfect health. The med techs were amazed that the burns were completely healed, leaving only slightly pink skin to testify that they were ever there. Roy and Lisa had been by to brief her on what had happened and what had been done about it.
Lisa told her that Captain Gloval wanted a demonstration soon but was willing to wait until she had fully recovered from being burned by the steam a few days ago. He was compassionate enough that he wouldn't require her to dump boiling water on herself so soon after being in the sickbay for steam burns. She wasn't looking forward to that meeting, but she absolutely dreaded the one she was headed to now.
Ranma girded her nerve as she walked down the corridor. She was on her way to face her squadron and only hoped they would be understanding.
(oOO/Oo)
Meanwhile, as Ranma traveled the corridors, Lisa was having her own meeting with the Roses.
"Remember, this in not her fault," Lisa said. "She didn't ask for this to happen to her and she's tried to make the best of it."
"Ma'am, is Lt. Commander Saotome a guy or a girl?" one of them asked.
"What difference does it make?" Lisa asked.
"Well, I'd like to know if we were naked in the locker room in front of a guy," another Rose said.
"What do you think?" Lisa said. "She was in that locker room naked as well. You think the person in there was packing a penis?"
"Well, no, I guess not," the Rose replied. "And I recall she has periods and stuff. So she was born female then?" Lisa sighed.
"Ranma was born male," Lisa said tiredly. "The change she experiences is complete. Not only that, but it takes boiling water to return her to her birth form, while it only takes tepid water to change her into her female form. Since there's a lot more cool water around than boiling, she made a decision to live as a female to have some semblance of a normal life. She has lived as female for the last six years and as far as I'm concerned, she's as much a woman as any of us."
"But Ma'am, she showered with us," the Rose doggedly protested.
"So what?" Lisa said. "You didn't seem to have a problem with it when you thought she was a lesbian. What's the damn difference now?"
"Well, she never made us feel uncomfortable," the woman said. "She was never in our face about being a lesbian, and she never made us feel like she was getting a free show because she...never...looked..." the woman trailed off as she realized the point Lisa was making.
"Exactly," Lisa said. "She never tried to abuse her position to take advantage of anyone. Now she'll be here any minute, and if I hear any of you call her a pervert or a freak, I can promise you you'll be cleaning every head on this ship for a month or until they're all done, which ever comes last. Ranma has had to deal with a complete change in her identity. She changed into something her father constantly told her she should despise. If she could deal with that, then surely you people can deal with this."
"Are you saying we have to accept this, or we'll be punished?" a Rose asked darkly.
"I'm saying that the CAG, the Captain, and myself, will not tolerate derogatory comments made to Ranma about this," Lisa said. "She has as little control over this as Lieutenant Xao has over being Chinese, or a handicapped person has over being handicapped. She doesn't deserve to be ill treated over it. Whether you are willing to accept her or not is up to you. Just ask yourself, the times she has been there for you people and the times she has put her life on the line for everyone on this ship, does she deserve your acceptance, or does she deserve to be treated like a pariah and be frozen out?"
With that, Lisa walked out. The Roses talked among themselves for the next fifteen minutes before Ranma arrived. She entered the room timidly and stood before them, feeling naked and exposed.
"I guess you all know about my dirty little secret now," she said as they all stared at her. "Well, let's hear it. I know you all have something to say, so speak your mind. If we are to continue to work together then we need to clear the decks."
"You lied to us," Marissa said.
"We thought you were one of us," Erin said. "Now we don't even know you."
"I'm the same person I was last week," Ranma said. This was going to be as bad as she thought.
"How can we trust you anymore?" Cassie demanded.
"Yes, how can we trust you when you led us to believe you were one of us and now we know you are just some guy pretending to be a woman," Natalia demanded. Tia and Vicki said nothing, but looked on expectantly.
"Is that what you think?" Ranma asked. "You think I'm playing a game, some big joke on you? You think I'm a man playing around in a woman's world? Let me tell you something. When I came out of that spring and saw what I had become, I thought my life was over. I thought my old man had finally taken everything from me right down to my very identity. I watched as my dreams suddenly became out of my reach. After all, who would allow a freak like I had become into their world?
"But then I thought about it. I could still pursue my dreams. I just had to give up who I was to do so. I could either die or live my life as a woman and pursue my dreams. Tell me, have any of you made that kind of sacrifice to be here? I never liked keeping this a secret, but the alternative was worse. I would have been kicked out of the service so fast it would have made my head spin if this had been discovered before the aliens attacked.
"Now I've lived the last six year of my life as a woman, a real woman, that has periods, can get pregnant, has to deal with chauvinistic bullshit, everything. It's become who I am. I haven't spent more than a total of 48 hours in my male form in the last six years and the last time I tried, I found I have to pretend to be a man. Have I been deceiving you about being a woman or have I just not told you about a deeply personal secret, the fact that I have a male body sometimes, that could end my career and my reason for living? You tell me?"
"How should we know?" Marissa said. "You're obviously not the person we thought you were. Why should we trust you?"
"Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me before now?" Ranma asked. "Am I really not the same person, just because I had a secret? Do you tell everyone you meet all the sordid details of your life? Does that mean that you're misrepresenting yourself because you keep some things to yourself?"
"She's right," Vicki said, speaking up at last. "Mum has always been there for us and bloody well stuck up for us. She has treated us fairly and it's clear that she cares. I can't believe you bloody people are willing to toss her away over something, while admittedly bizarre, really makes no difference."
"I agree," Tia said. "She's been the best CO that I've ever had, and I've heard the same from most of you as well. This shouldn't change anything. If it does, then it's your perceptions that have changed, not the person Mom is."
It was clear however that the others weren't willing to let it go that easily. Ranma was growing frustrated and it hurt her that these people she had let get close to her were rejecting her.
"Okay, I'll tell you what," Ranma said, "anyone that doesn't think they can deal with this can feel free to put in your transfer papers. You'll have my recommendation. That's the best I can do for you."
Ranma spun on her heel and fled the room before she lost her composure.
(oOO/Oo)
"You wanted to see me, Sir?" Ranma asked as she entered Captain Gloval's office.
"Why, yes, Lt. Commander Saotome," the elderly man said with a thick Russian accent. "Please, sit down." Ranma went and sat nervously in the indicated seat. "Now tell me of this...magical curse you are purported to have."
"Well, Sir, I got the curse while on a martial arts training journey with my father," Ranma said. "He was a complete idiot and it's not the first time he nearly destroyed my life. He took us to a place called Jusenkyo in China. He couldn't read Chinese but he had gotten his hands on a book of training grounds in China. The book was in Chinese, but he could make out just enough to read that it was dangerous. Dangerous and Training were two words that made it a sure thing that Pop would subject me to it. So off we went to Jusenkyo.
"When we arrived, the training ground didn't look like much," Ranma said. "It was just a bunch of bamboo poles sticking out of pools of water. It was nothing we hadn't done hundreds of times before. There was a guide there that tried to warn us about how dangerous the place was, but Pop ignored him. We began to spar balanced on top of the poles. Eventually, Pop screwed up and I got a kick in that drove him down into one of the pools.
"Imagine my shock when a huge panda leaped out of the pool wearing Pop's gi and his glasses," Ranma shuddered. "Well, while I was still trying to figure out what had happened, the panda attacked. I had dropped my guard in my shock and the panda got a hit in. I was knocked into another spring. The guide explained that the springs were cursed and who ever falls into them will take the body of whatever had last drowned in them. Pop had fallen into the spring of drown panda, while I had been knocked into the spring of drown girl."
"That is very interesting," Gloval said stroking his pipe. "So how is it that you change back?"
"The guide told us that the curse could be temporarily reversed with application of hot water," Ranma explained. "How hot the water has to be varies. With me it has to be nearly boiling. With Pop, it just had to be a little hotter than your average bath water. And as I said it was temporary. The very next time you get splashed with cold water, the curse activates again."
"I could see where that would be inconvenient," Gloval admitted. "So I'm assuming you were born male, yes? Why is it do you live as a woman then?"
"It was a choice I had to make," Ranma said. "It was a lot easier to have some sort of normal life if I accepted life as a woman. Because of the water temperature required to change me back, if was nearly impossible for it to happen by accident, while if I tried to live as male, I'd be changing all the time. Every time I got caught in the rain, every time someone spilled their water, every time I took a shower. It would have been nearly impossible for me to hide the curse in male form, and people would have treated me like I was some kind of freak."
A half an hour and two transformations later, Gloval was satisfied with Ranma's explanations.
"Very well, Miss Saotome," Gloval said. "Since you are one of my best and most talented pilots, I shall endeavor to protect your career if this should get out. You have my utmost respect for persevering in a difficult situation. It shows you have great character. Besides, you keep Lisa happy and that makes it all worth it right there." Gloval mumbled something in Russian. Ranma couldn't make out most of it, but she did catch the English terms 'martinet' and 'hard ass'.
"I'm sorry, Sir?" Ranma asked.
"Oh nothing, Miss Saotome, you may go," Gloval said.
(oOO/Oo)
As the SDF-1 approached Saturn, Ranma had become more and more withdrawn. In spite of Tia and Vicki's support within Wild Rose, the others treated her with suspicion and distaste. She tried to take heart that there were no transfer requests as yet, but she figured it was only a matter of time.
Ranma began to close herself off from everyone, even moving out of Lisa's quarters and into her own, saying she needed some space to deal with everything. Lisa reluctantly let her go, not knowing what else to do. She was very concerned for Ranma and it hurt that Ranma wasn't allowing her in to help.
Ranma was like a ghost, haunting the corridors of the SDF-1, wandering listlessly in her off duty hours. She was more like a silent observer than an active participant in life aboard the ship. Her performance in battle had eroded as well, but nobody could tell since she was so far ahead of everyone else to begin with.
She continued to fly without a wingman, on her own, in the normal harassing attacks by the still as yet unknown alien enemy, until Akane eventually joined the squadron.
Akane had proven Ranma's expectations, achieving a high neural link percentage and had the potential to be one of the best Veritech pilots in the RDF. She could almost keep up with Ranma, given Ranma's eroded performance. Her reflexes weren't quite as fast and she didn't quite have the grace that Ranma possessed and displayed unconsciously, but she would narrow the gap with experience.
Thus it was Akane who flew Ranma's wing. The blue haired girl was surprised by the undercurrent of tension within the Wild Rose squadron. She had expected there to be a sense of camaraderie and teamwork in the best unit in the fleet. She was told that something had happened with Ranma and some of the girls were having a hard time with it. Ranma herself had become an enigma to Akane. She was totally different from the person that Akane had come to know during their training sessions before whatever it was that happened had happened.
Be that as it may, the Wild Rose pilots were professionals. In spite of their internal divisions, they still out performed the other squadrons and there was still a sense of pride in being a Wild Rose. The Blues had stopped flying with them, having gained combat time in the harassing attacks and been deemed experienced enough to be on their own now.
Ranma didn't think things could get much worse, but she was to find out how gravely mistaken she was.
(oOO/Oo)
An intelligence officer stood before the assembled Veritech pilots briefing them on the mission they would be flying. It was a momentous occasion as it would be the first offensive the Earth forces had mounted since the alien attack.
"We will use the Veritech forces to draw them in," the officer explained. "When they have committed to the attack, the SDF-1 will rise up out of Saturn's rings and take them out with the main gun. I'd like to wish you all the best of luck and if you have anyone you want to see, then I suggest doing it tonight."
The assembly broke up and the pilots went their separate ways. Akane tagged along with Ranma.
"What do you think, Ma'am," Akane asked. "Can we pull it off?"
"Yeah, I think we can," Ranma said glumly. "It will cost us, but it's our job."
"Do you think I'm ready for this?" Akane asked nervously.
"You'll be fine, Akane," Ranma told her. "Just stay on my wing, do your best, and kill as many of them as you can. We'll get through it alive."
"How can you be so sure?" the nervous girl asked.
"Because, Akane, if you go into a battle thinking you might lose, then you've already lost," Ranma said. "Don't worry, Akane, you'll be okay. It's no different than going into battle in a destroid."
"Thanks, Ma'am," Akane said.
"Sure, Akane," Ranma said, giving her a weak smile. "Now you better go visit whoever you want to visit. We're going to have a long day tomorrow."
"What about you, Ma'am," Akane asked, concerned for Ranma. "Are you going to go visit Commander Hayes?"
"No, I think I'm just going to turn in," Ranma said.
Akane watched sadly as her CO walked off toward her quarters. She hoped that whatever was eating at Ranma would blow over because she much preferred the vivacious friendly Ranma to this sullen withdrawn person she had become.
(oOO/Oo)
The Wild Rose squadron found themselves flying through the ice and debris that made up the rings of Saturn. It was tricky going, especially once they entered the shadow of the planet.
"Eeep!" Akane squeaked as a large chunk of...something loomed up on her scanner and forced her to violently evade.
"Take it easy, Fury," Ranma's voice came over the squadron channel. "Just relax and reach out with you senses, like you do when practicing the art. The sensors will tell you what's in front of you long before the display will."
"Roger, Mom," Akane responded. She centered herself and reached out. Suddenly the sensor data started pouring in. It was as if there was no shadow. Her flight path smoothed out as she now had more time to evade.
"Skull 7," Lisa's voice came over the Tac-net, "Your speed has dropped off. Pick it up."
"That's easy for you to say," Rick Hunter fired back. "It's dark up here, Commander."
"What's the matter, Hunter," Lisa said in a smug tone, "game getting to rough for you?"
"Why am I lucky enough to be picked on by someone who's all safe in a comfy control room," Rick muttered. "I'd like to see her down here flying through this crap."
"You're lucky enough because you can't keep your mouth shut," Ranma said over the Tac-net. "When you can do her job as well as she does, then you can whine about her not being down here doing yours. Until then shut your pie hole, Rickhead."
There were several responses over the Tac-net as pilots teased Rick for being dressed down.
"Excuse me, DL, but I think I can handle the discipline in my squadron, thank you," Roy said.
"Yes, Sir, sorry, Sir," Ranma said, not sounding very repentant.
"Zentradi forces have entered the ring system," Lisa said. "All squadrons commence attack. I repeat, all squadrons commence attack."
"Wild Rose Lead to Wild Rose flights, this is it, stay on your wingman and be careful," Ranma said. "Let's make them feel it."
The Veritechs swarmed out of the shadow zone, launching missiles as they came. Almost immediately, the enemy attack ship began deploying battle pods and a major furball ensued. Space around the two forces was filled with explosions and tracers as the battle swirled and roiled. The Earth forces were taking heavy losses but so were the enemy. However, it was soon clear to the Veritech pilots that things were not going according to plan.
"They should have fired the main gun by now," Natalia said. "We can't hold out for much longer against these battle pods and that ship's batteries." Just then a scream came over the Tac-net, nearly indistinguishable from the other screams of the dying.
"Bloody hell, we lost Huntress," Vicki growled.
"We are unable to fire the main gun," Lisa announced. "Hang in there people. We have another plan."
If Ranma hadn't been so busy she would have been amazed as the SDF-1 charged the enemy ship and punched it in the nose with the Daedalus. The former naval ship was thrust into the enemy vessel nearly to the SDF-1's elbow. The skin of the vessel began to bulge and bubble as the destroids collected in the bow of the Daedalus opened fire with missiles and artillery.
The SDF-1 withdrew the Daedalus and backed off as the enemy vessel exploded spectacularly. A cheer went up from the Earth forces. Heartened by the destruction of the enemy ship, the Veritech squadrons redoubled their efforts and the remaining battle pods were mopped up swiftly.
The good cheer was short lived, however, when the Veritechs formed up to return to the SDF-1. It quickly became apparent that at least three whole squadrons had been wiped out to the man and many others had suffered heavy losses. They had achieved another victory, but to the men and women in the Veritechs, it felt hollow. Many wondered if they could keep this up with the rate of loss they were suffering.
(oOO/Oo)
Ranma climbed sullenly out of her Veritech. She had lost another of her team. It wasn't any easier this time as it had been the last time and she knew with sick certainty that it would happen again. She walked toward the locker room with her head bowed and her shoulders slumped.
She said nothing as she changed out of her sweat soaked flight suit, ignoring both Akane and Vicki's attempts to speak to her. She left the locker room with the same posture she had going in to it, that of defeat.
Moving mechanically, she made her way back to her quarters. Locking the door she stripped off her clothes and collapsed on her bed in a fetal ball. Then the sobs came. They racked her slight frame violently and continued for a long time.
Ranma didn't know how long she had laid there and wept before she became aware of an insistent knocking on her door.
"Go away," she yelled.
"Ranma, it's me Lisa," Lisa called through the door. "Please let me in."
"Go away," Ranma said again.
"Ranma, please let me help," Lisa pleaded with her.
"Go away, Goddamit," Ranma screamed. "You can't fucking help me. No one can fucking help me. You can't bring Ursula back. You can't bring Tia back. You can't change the fact that I'm a fucking goddamn freak that nobody wants around them. Just leave me the fuck alone."
"Damn you, Ranma," Lisa said through the door. Ranma's words had cut her to the core. "I love you, you stubborn bitch, but all you do is shut me out when you're hurting. You don't want my help, fine. I can't force it on you. When you're through feeling sorry for yourself, maybe I'll be there." A sob escaped Lisa's lips and she turned and fled.
"I'm sorry, Lisa," Ranma whispered as she listened to Lisa fleeing footsteps. "I don't deserve you."
With that, Ranma began to weep again until she finally sobbed herself to fitful sleep.
(oOO/Oo)
August 2009...
Ranma began her approach to the deck of the Promy, barely keeping her eyes open. She was exhausted, having been out on patrols or combat for at least 12 hours or more each day. They wouldn't allow her any more than that. They said she had to sleep sometime, but they were wrong. She couldn't sleep. She desperately avoided that condition because that's when the dreams came.
She had always been prone to nightmares, but now they had taken on a more sinister and horrifying aspect. Her dreams were full of death, deaths of people she cared for. They were also full of rejection. So she refused to sleep, avoiding it until her body just shut down. Over the last three months she had slept maybe three to four hours out of every week.
She shook her head to regain her concentration on landing Wild Rose One. It had been a heck of a battle out there today and she managed to get shot up pretty bad. She lowered her landing gear with a thought and continued her approach. In her fatigue, she never noticed that her down and locked indicators stayed red.
Ranma snapped awake as an urgent voice over the comm, yelling at someone to pull up. Ranma looked around in confusion before she realized it was her they were yelling at. She was too low and it was too late to do anything about it. She struck the deck and her landing gear, stuck halfway down, folded back up. Wild Rose One belly-landed and skidded to a halt, stopped by the arresting cables.
As crash crews rushed to the wrecked plane, Ranma popped the canopy and jumped out, staggering slightly, her mind in a daze. Shrugging off any assistance she walked around the corner of the super structure and leaned against the wall, sliding down until she was seated with her back against it with her knees pulled up to her chest.
'I'll just rest here a minute,' Ranma thought to herself before slipping into unconsciousness.
(oOO/Oo)
"Hey, what's that over there?" one of the aircraft handlers asked as a group of them returned from dragging out the latest patrol. "It looks like someone is just sitting there."
Several of the crew ran over to the object in question.
"Oh my god," Another said. "It's Lt. Commander Saotome!"
The man bent down and shook her, getting no response. It had been two hours since Ranma's plane had crashed on the deck and her oxygen levels were almost non-existent. One of the men checked her oxygen gage.
"We have to get her inside NOW!" the man said urgently. "She's out of oxygen."
(oOO/Oo)
"I'm keeping her off flight status," Dr. Koenig said.
"What? Why? We need her out there," Roy protested and Lisa nodded her agreement.
"I have no choice," the counselor said. "It's my opinion that she's suffering from extreme combat fatigue and emotional distress. You forced her to see me because of the suicidal risks she's been taking in combat. In the mental state she's in right now, it will only get worse until she manages to get herself killed. She refuses to open up and talk about it and when I do get her to talk she lashes out."
"What can we do to help?" Lisa asked.
"Not much," Koenig answered. "She has to want to be helped and right now she's trying too hard to keep it all bottled up inside. I prescribed some anti-depressants that should help but I have no way to be sure she'll take them. I'm hoping that by keeping her off flight status she'll take the meds and eventually open up if for no other reason than to get back out there and help her comrades."
"Or she'll feel useless and try something stupid," Roy pointed out.
"We'll just have to watch out for her and if she does try something 'stupid' as you put it, I can have her confined to sickbay for observation and we will be sure she's taking the meds," the doctor concluded.
The doctor left the room and Lisa turned to Roy.
"Oh Roy, why won't she accept that I love her?" Lisa whimpered. "Why does she shut me out?" Roy put his arms around the stricken woman and she sobbed into his chest.
"She's hurting Lisa," Roy consoled. "She's afraid to let anyone in because she's afraid to be hurt anymore. With the way she grew up, it's not surprising that she isn't easily able to open up to people. I think, in some strange way, she's trying to protect you by pushing you away."
"But I don't need to be protected," Lisa moaned. "I need to help her. I need to take away her pain."
"Well, hopefully the meds the doctor gave her will let her see that soon," Roy said.
(oOO/Oo)
Ranma stood in the dimly lit hanger bay looking at the tail of her VF-1S. Another name had been added to it. Another of her girls lost. Another friend gone. And this time it was a true friend, one who knew about her curse and stuck by her.
"I'm sorry," Ranma whispered as she raised her hand to trace the letters of Tia's callsign although she couldn't physically reach them. "I'm so very sorry."
"Why do you beat yourself up so much," Marissa asked from behind her. Her tone was neutral, neither hostile nor friendly. Ranma flinched.
"She was my friend," Ranma said softly. "They both were. You all are, whether you reject my friendship or not. It doesn't change the fact that I care."
"If you care so much then why didn't you tell us to begin with?" Marissa asked a bit harshly.
"Maybe because I was afraid you would react like you did," Ranma said sullenly. "Maybe because I was afraid you'd look at me with suspicion and disgust. Maybe because I was afraid it would get out and I'd lose the only reason I had to live for." Now it was Marissa's turn to flinch.
"Look, for what it's worth, we're still trying to understand you," Marissa said. "None of us are ready to give up on you yet, but the sense of betrayal is going to take some time to work through. You didn't trust us enough to tell us the truth so we're having a hard time trying to trust you again."
"And what is the truth?" Ranma whirled on Marissa, her battle aura flickering into visibility. "Goddamit, that's not fair. I'm just as female as any one of you. I've had to deal with all the same prejudices, all the same slights. This is my fucking reality. It's my fate to live my life as a woman, goddamit. I have no fucking choice there unless I want to pour boiling water over my head several times a day and then I couldn't be a complete man. Please fucking forgive me for trying to live a normal life. I'm sorry I'm too weak to tell everyone I meet I have a goddam magical curse. Hi, I'm Ranma Saotome, and I have a curse that makes me a sex-changing freak. What would you do if you were in my fucking shoes, huh? Would you act any differently than I did? You know what? You people can take your mistrust and your goddam conditional friendship and just fuck off! I don't need the heartache."
Marissa stared at the blue glowing girl in front of her stunned at the vitriol that she'd never seen her CO display before. She began to understand just how badly Ranma was hurting and began to feel more than a little guilty for adding to that burden. She began to think. Would she have done anything differently than Ranma did? Would she have the guts to tell everyone she met about the curse if it was her? Maybe they were being a little narrow minded. Ranma had never acted anything less than female. Tomboyish, perhaps, but not like a man. Maybe it wasn't as important as they had thought.
As the redheaded glowing ball of fury stalked off, Marissa decided that she needed to talk to the others. Maybe what she had been didn't matter as much as what she was now.