Abbie brought her jacket closer around her as she walked around a fallen trash can. She had been wandering around the streets after leaving Toni's apartment. It was wicked cold out but she didn't really feel it, she had been numb before she left the apartment. She wasn't contemplating anything, or composing angst ridden poems as she walked aimlessly through the streets. She wasn't thinking at all, she was feeling and it was a strange feeling. She had heard the phrases 'you broke my heart', and 'you ripped my heart out', but she had never really felt them before. The most she had ever felt about any break-up was mild disappointment, but usually it was just relief. But as she walked through the streets it took all of her energy not to lift a hand to her chest and see if her heart was still beating, to see if she still had one, because it didn't feel like it was in there.
Turning the corner she spotted a familiar place and headed towards it without thought.
The bar was dark as bars were known to be. There was a cloud of smoke blanketing the air, but Abbie didn't care, her lungs were the least of her worries at the moment. She took a seat at the bar. She couldn't remember the last time that she had been in the place.
"Well, well," the barkeep drawled. "Look what the cat dragged in. What'll it be?"
"Whiskey," Abbie responded. She really didn't care what it was.
"Long time since you been in here," he said as he moved around the bar. She watched him as he moved around. His name was Luke.
"Yeah," she responded. "You remember me?" she asked surprised.
"Sure," he said with a smile. "We don't get many people in here that look as good as you," he said placing her drink down. Abbie didn't respond, she just swished the amber liquid around in her glass. "You know," Luke continued when she didn't answer. "Bartenders are as good as shrinks, and a lot cheaper."
"Do lot's of people come in here and bare their souls to you?" Abbie asked without looking up.
"The one's that come in here looking like you usually do," he responded.
"And how do I look?" Abbie asked downing the shot and pushing the glass over to him for another.
"Like your dog just got run over by a car, you lost your job, and found your boyfriend in bed with your best friend all rolled up into one," Luke responded filling a glass for her. "In short, you look like hell."
"You're not much of a help," Abbie commented picking up the glass. "Is that what you do? Offer to help people then insult them so they'll drink more?"
"I'm just calling it like a see it," Luke responded with a shrug. "Besides the people that come in here don't need any encouragement to drink," he continued. "Still a lawyer?" he asked after a moment..
"Yep," Abbie responded finishing off the glass.
"Still in...what was it?...Narcotics?" he asked searching his memory files.
"Nope, I got upgraded," she responded with a smile, that was more like a twisted grin. "Welcome to the bigs," she continued mirroring a statement Jack had made to her before.
"You like it?" he asked leaning on the bar.
"Are you trying to start a conversation with me?" Abbie asked wearily. She didn't want to talk to him, she didn't want to talk to anyone.
"I'd say we've already got one going," Luke responded. "I ask you a question and you answer."
"Luke," she said looking over at him. "You seem like a really nice guy, the type any gal would be glad to take home to mom, but I'm not in the mood," she continued. "So why don't you just keep the drinks coming, and I'll help you pay the rent on this place, okay?"
"Whatever you want," he responded filling up a glass once more. "Just one more thing."
"What?" Abbie asked looking up at him impatiently.
"I figured out your problem," he said. "Broken heart."
"Very good Luke," Abbie said holding up the glass. "Now pour me another."
"Won't fix it," Luke said handing her the glass. Abbie looked around the room before turning to face him again.
"I wouldn't spread that around if I were you," she said. "Aren't you in the business of solving peoples problems with a bottle?"
"Actually, most of these guys start problems after a bottle, they don't solve 'em," Luke commented before heading to the other end of the bar to serve a new customer. Once Luke was out of range, Abbie got up and walked over to the Jukebox scanning the selection. She popped in a quarter, punched in a selection then walked back over to her seat. As she sat down the music started to play. It was Patsy Cline, the mistress of the music of pain.
It had started to snow again shortly after Abbie had left. It was light, the flakes floating in the air. It was calm almost peaceful, not at all like Toni was feeling. I should have just told her, Toni thought to herself as she rested her head against the window. She could hear Jason moving around in the kitchen.
"Toni," he said softly coming up behind her. "What have you gone mute or something?" She turned around and looked at him.
"What?" she asked.
"I've been talking to you for the last five minutes, where the hell have you been?" he responded. He sounded upset but Toni knew he wasn't. Jason sounded the same when he was concerned as when he was upset.
"In my head," Toni responded with a sad smile.
"Is this about that girl that was here earlier?" he asked following her over to the couch. "Cause you were fine before she showed up," he continued. "What'd she say, huh? Was she harassing you or something?" He was always offering to defend her from ruffians. It was ridiculously chivalrous and she loved him for it.
"No, it was nothing like that," Toni said shaking her head. "Abbie and I are working together. It's just...there was a misunderstanding."
"Misunderstanding?" he asked.
"Yeah," Toni replied with a sigh. "She thinks...well she thinks that...we're you know..." Toni said vaguely.
"We're what? Republicans? Give me something to work with here," Jason responded.
"She thinks we're lovers," Toni said making a face. She looked over to see that Jason's face had paled at the thought as well.
"No, offense Toni, but ewwww!" he responded shaking his head.
"I know," Toni responded. "Believe me I know."
"But why?" he asked. He couldn't comprehend how anyone could think such a thing. It was icky.
"Because of you walking around in a towel asking for your damn pants," Toni said turning to face him. "How many brothers do that?"
"If you had just left them where I had put them...."
"Let's not go there," Toni said turning away and staring at a wall. He wasn't going to be staying at her house unless his laundry was done, and he sure as hell wasn't going to do it.
"Well what's the big deal anyway?" Jason asked tugging at his ear. He always did that, ever since they were little kids and Toni could never figure out why. But then again her brother, and males in general did a lot of things she couldn't figure out. "It's not like she's your girlfriend or anything," he continued smiling at his own wit. Toni just looked over at him and frowned. "Is she?" he asked when he saw the look.
"Unofficially," Toni responded smiling a bit. She couldn't help it. Jason looked at the door as if he expected to see Abbie standing there before turning back to Toni.
"So you're like in big trouble with her, huh?" he asked.
"Pretty much," Toni responded.
"She have a sister?" Jason asked thinking that it was totally unfair that his little sister got all the best looking girls.
"Sorry," Toni responded.
"So were you two like serious?" he asked finally. She looked really, really depressed.
"Thanks for using the past tense, that's making me feel a lot better," Toni responded pushing a stray strand of hair out of her face.
"I didn't mean anything by it," Jason responded.
"I know, I'm just touchy right now," Toni told him. She and Jason had been close as kids and still as adults even though they didn't spend much time together anymore. "We..." she paused trying to think of a way to describe what had been happening between Abbie and her over the past few days. "We haven't been seeing each other for a long time but...there was, is, something there Jay. What we have is something special...she's something special," she continued softly.
"Did you ever consider working for Hallmark?" he asked turning to face her. Truth was he probably wouldn't have gotten divorced if he had said stuff like that about his former wife. Toni reached over and punched him in the arm. "Don't worry," Jason said seeing that she was still worried. "Just explain it all to her tomorrow and it'll all be roses again."
"I hope you're right," Toni said looking over at him. "I don't want to lose her...especially not this way."
"It'll work out," Jason said positively. "She's gotta be something if she bagged you right?"
"You're such a romantic," Toni said smiling.
"Hey, the sentiment behind that was romantic," Jason said though he too was smiling. "You know," he continued a moment later. "If you bring her home mom is going to be convinced that she's just your best friend, and you're both going through a phase."
"Mom still thinks that being a lawyer is my hobby," Toni responded shaking her head. "Our mother is on a long trip down a river in Egypt." Jason just looked at her. "Denial," Toni explained.
"You use too many obscure references," Jason said leaning back on the couch.
"Obscure? The Nile river is an obscure reference?" Toni asked incredulously looking at him.
"Don't get yourself so worked up," he said patting her on the shoulder. "We don't want to have to call Abbie to come over and take the edge off, do we?" he asked a smile working its way across his face.
"I'm going pretend you didn't say that," Toni said removing his hand from her shoulder, looking suitably offended.
"Come on, you can tell me. We're family," Jason said. "Is she good? She looks good, she looks like a tiger," he continued making a clawing motion and growling. Toni just stared at him hard for a second before getting up and heading towards her bedroom. "Hey, come on," Jason called after. "Throw me a bone here."
"I think you've already got one," came Toni's muffled voice. He smirked.
"Top or bottom?" he asked following her down the hallway.
"Goodnight Jay," she said then promptly closed the door in his face.
"Top," he said to himself as he headed back into the living room. "Definitely a top."
Abbie heard a knock at her door and looked up. She was in her office. She didn't remember coming back to the office, yet there she was.
"Go away!" she yelled at whoever was at the door.
"Can't do that Ms. Carmichael, it's my job to come in," Jake replied opening the door. "You don't want to get me fired do you?"
"I suppose not," Abbie responded watching as Jake started to do his thing.
"Are you okay Ms. Carmichael?" Jake asked although it was obvious she was plastered. Abbie suddenly swung her legs over the edge of the couch and looked at Jake intently.
"You're my friend aren't you Jake?" she asked.
"You know it," Jake responded.
"Jake," she continued standing up and walking over to him. "Are you married Jake? Seeing a special someone?"
"I'm married. Going on ten years now," Jake responded. She really didn't look so good.
"Are you faithful to your wife Jake?" Abbie asked draping an arm around his shoulder and leaning in conspiritally.
"Of course," he said. Abbie could tell he meant it too. But this was Jake they were talking about, of course he would be. Jake was a good guy.
"That's good Jake. You're a good guy. You're my friend, and you don't sleep around," she said walking back over to the couch. "Figures you're married," she muttered sitting down.
"Bad break up?" Jake asked. Abbie looked up at him. She looked like she was on the verge of crying, her eyes were all misty. This was a very new side of her that he was seeing. She had always been nice to him, but vulnerable never would have been a word he used to describe her, though it certainly would have fit at the moment. She was intelligent, abrasive, direct, charming in certain way, and ambitious. She was one of the youngest people he had seen in this office, and she was a woman which made it even more impressive. He couldn't help but wonder who could break her heart.
"You could say that," Abbie responded then made a face. "Where are pants, I can't find my pants, where'd you put my pants. Look at me, I'm all wet and sexy, nah, nah, nah," she continued.
"I think you should go home Ms. Carmichael," Jake said when she finished. He didn't know what she was talking about but she sounded hostile.
"Eh," Abbie responded waving her hand in the air and lying back down. She didn't want to go back to her apartment. That's where they had first kissed.
"Do you want me to call someone?" Jake asked. He was worried about her. "How about Ms. Ricci?" he asked remembering the red-head from the other night. They had seemed close. At the mention of her name Abbie sat up again suddenly.
"Yeah, you call her and tell her that she can pick me up in hell," she declared before lying down again.
"Are you sure you're going to be alright?" Jake asked as he finished up. He had decided that he wasn't going to pass that message on to anyone.
"Yeah," Abbie responded turning around to face the window. "Wallowing in self-pity is something one kinda has to do alone."
Toni arrived at the office really early and ended up pacing outside the doors. She was safe pacing out there because it was a Saturday and hardly anyone was in. She continued pacing out there for a moment before deciding to wait for Abbie inside. She opened the door putting down her briefcase then stopped as she walked farther into the room. Well, at least I know why she didn't return my calls, Toni thought as she spotted Abbie curled up on her couch. Her clothes her wrinkled and one of her legs had dropped over the side. She was too tall to be sleeping on that thing, her back was going to be killing her. Toni knew that she had spent the night in the office, and that it was her fault. She walked over to the couch and kneeled down at the side before reaching over to touch Abbie's shoulder.
"Tex," she said softly as she shook her. She had started calling Abbie Tex the night that she had cooked dinner for her, and Abbie had seemed to like it. She hadn't meant to use it just now, but it had slipped out. "Wakey, wakey," she continued. Abbie moaned softly and turned over so that she was know facing Toni. Her body was still for a moment then she reached up a hand and touched Toni's face. Her eyes were still closed and Toni knew that she was still asleep. She could see her eyes moving beneath her eyelids and wondered what she was thinking about. Then she found out.
"Toni," Abbie said softly stroking her cheek. Toni was about to try and wake her once more when Abbie put some pressure on the back of her neck lowering it, then raised her own head bringing their lips together. After the night she had spent awake worrying about anything and everything involving their relationship the kiss was especially sweet, so tender and loving that it broke her heart. Abbie pulled back a moment later with a smile on her face. Toni moved back a little bit and was about to try to wake Abbie again when she saw the brunette's eyes start to open.
Abbie groaned and flopped a hand over her eyes trying to recoil from the sun like some sort of vampire. She tried to move off the couch so that she could hide under her desk, or buy a pair of sunglasses but she was blocked. There was someone in front of the couch. Forcefully removing her hand from her eyes she looked in front of her.
"Toni," she said surprised.
"Tex," Toni said reaching out her hand to Abbie's. The contact seemed to wake Abbie up fully and she pulled her hand away and stood up.
"I've got to go," Abbie said walking towards the door. Toni stood up quickly and followed her. She had heard that one before, and knew what it meant.
"Abbie stop," she said placing her hand on the brunette's shoulder. Abbie stopped walking, and tensed under her hand. They stood like that for a moment frozen before Abbie placed her hand on top of Toni's and removed the red-head's hand from her shoulder. Then Abbie took another step back and just looked at Toni for the first time that morning. Her hair was pulled up, she was wearing a navy suit with a white top, and the sun was reflecting off of her hair making her look like an angel. Abbie felt her heart start to shatter all over again. Different images flashed into her mind, images of the night before. Finally she looked at Toni and she wanted to just grab her by the shoulders and shake her, and she wanted to kiss her and show her how much she felt for her and how her heart was breaking. She wanted to push her away, so far away she couldn't even see her anymore. And she wanted to pull her in close and hold her and never let her go.
"I've got to go," was what Abbie said finally.
"Abbie," Toni tried again. "I need to..."
"I need to go," Abbie said interrupting her.
"Where are you going?" Toni asked watching her.
"Home," Abbie said. "I've got to change I've got stuff to do," she said opening the door.
"Are you coming back?" Toni asked her following her down the hall.
"Eventually," Abbie responded before squeezing through a closing elevator door. Toni stood there watching the door for a while after it closed. By the time she turned around Abbie had probably already left the building.
Abbie fumbled with the keys to her door for a minute before finally getting the door open. Flipping on the lights she made her way into the living room where she threw her jacket on the couch then she headed into the kitchen. She had a hangover. It wasn't too bad, but it was still a pain in the ass. She put on a cup of coffee then headed into the bedroom to change her clothes.
She moved over in front of the mirror and stood there for a minute looking at her reflection. She almost didn't recognize the face staring back at her. Her jacket was undone and shirt partly pulled out of the waist band. The entire suit was covered with wrinkles and her hair was a mess. Her eyes were blood shot and had dark circles under them. And to top it all off there was a run in her stockings. She ran a hand through her hair trying to return some order to it. It didn't help.
She took off her jacket and carelessly flung it in the general direction of her chair. She didn't know if it landed on her target and she didn't really care. Walking over to the bed she undid the latch to her skirt and stepped out of it kicking it off. This time she didn't even aim for anything, she just wanted it gone. She pulled off her stockings then lay down on the bed staring up at the ceiling. Once she was lying down she undid the buttons of her shirt but didn't take it off. That would have required moving and she didn't feel like doing that at the moment.
The ceiling soon became a movie screen, her mind being the projector. She saw herself sitting in her office rubbing her temples. Then she saw Toni enter the room, she saw Toni smile, and her body jerked slightly as if she had been hit. She watched as she let Toni in and the red-head sat down. She wanted to yell at herself, warn her what was going to happen, warn her how it would turn out but she couldn't. She couldn't stop the events because they had already happened. All that she could do was watch, and hurt. Next she saw them in her apartment. They were sitting around the coffee table, eating and laughing. She saw Toni look up and smile at her.
Next was the pillow fight. They were in her room and she was falling onto the bed bringing Toni down with her. Then they were kissing, their bodies pressed up against each other, straining against each other. It was just a memory but she could feel Toni pressed up against her, she could feel her warmth, and her hands all over her, enveloping her. Her hand moved from her side onto her stomach and started to slip down.
Then the scene changed. It wasn't one that she had ever seen before, these series of images weren't memories. She knew the setting though, they were in Toni's apartment, in her bedroom, on her bed. Toni was kissing her, teasing her. She was running her hands up Toni's side and she was saying something. What she was saying she wasn't sure of, only that Toni smiled in response and proceeded to move down her body so that she was kissing her neck.
They remained wrapped together like that for few more minutes then she felt Toni's hand move down and cup her. She saw herself arch and heard herself moan. Then felt Toni pull down her underwear. Somewhere in the back of her mind she realized that it was her own hands that were pulling them down, that Toni wasn't even in the room, but that reality seemed less real to her at the moment then the waking-dream she was experiencing. Seconds later she entered herself as she saw Toni go inside of her.
Her motions increased in time with the images she saw. She felt herself rising. A thin sheen of sweat covered her body and her hips were undulating, rising to meet her fingers. She saw Toni's hand moving, felt her lips on her face on her neck, urging her on. Her movements got more anxious and she knew that she was moments away from coming. She saw Toni raise her head so that they were looking into each others eyes as her hips raised for the final time. Then as she started to come the image before her eyes changed and it wasn't Toni and her, anymore but Toni and him, together, locked in an embrace like they had just been in.
Then it was over, and Abbie yanked her hand away from her pelvis her eyes popping open. Her breathing was rapid, her body still shaking. She closed her eyes again momentarily and felt tears escape from them, running down her face. What the hell is happening to me? She thought before rolling into her side, and letting the tears continue to fall.
OFFICE OF ASSISTANT DISTRICT ATTORNEY ANTONELLA RICCI RACQUETS BUREAU SATURDAY, APRIL 2ND
"How'd it go?" Jason asked unwrapping his sandwich. He'd decided he'd play the dutiful brother and come check up on his heart-broken sister. Especially since he was leaving town later on that day.
"It didn't," Toni responded leaning back in her chair. "She's avoiding me."
"So you didn't see her?" he asked.
"I saw her. I saw her run away," Toni responded dismally. "She's hurting bad Jay. You should have seen her, she looked worse than I did this morning."
"That's hard to believe," he said opening a Coke. "Since saying you looked like shit this morning would be an insult to shit," he continued.
"I know," Toni said after giving him a look. "Before she left she just looked at me a minute and I could see so much emotion rolling across her face," she continued. "The fact that it was written there so clearly just showed me how much she was hurting. Abbie's very self-possessed all of the time, she was on the verge of crying," Toni said looking down at her desk.
"When's she coming back?" he asked looking up.
"I don't know. I think she's planning on doing this avoidance thing for a while," Toni said looking up. "At least until she's forced to deal with me again because of the case."
"Listen," Jason said. "I'm not the most eloquent guy on the planet so you'll have to excuse me if what I say next isn't all poetic, but it's obvious to me that you really care about her. I mean I haven't ever seen you like this before, all broken up to the point of insomnia and stuff. And from what you've told me, Abbie seems just as broken up over all this as you are, I mean it seems to me like she's hurting pretty bad too. So this all says to me that you two are like really serious, and in love, and whatever, and to me that means that you gotta track her down, and you gotta talk to her, cause if you don't you'll both regret it. Cause I'll tell you this Jelly-bean, love it's pretty damn special and it's fucking hard, but it's more than worth it when it's right cause it feels so good. But it's not a guarantee, and if you let it slide away, it'll slide like a greased up monkey. By the time you notice it's going, it's gone," Jason said earnestly. He and his wife had been so in love once, but they hadn't tended it, and when they needed too they hadn't talked, and the love they had had started to slide, and then when they realized what was going on it was too late, it had shot away.
"Jay," Toni said when he was finished. "That was brilliant."
"Yeah, well I'm the first born, I got most of the brains. You just got the left overs," he said smiling. He couldn't be too nice to her or she'd come to expect it.
"You're a good brother, and I love you," Toni continued not paying attention to him.
"Yeah, alright, I got it," Jason said picking up his drink. "Why don't you stop with the sap now, I'm trying to eat over here."
Abbie pulled out her hat and put it on as it started to snow once again. She had managed to drag herself out of her apartment and was now standing across the sidewalk from the Barrett's store in the parking lot. The store was open and Abbie could see a few people milling about inside, among them the taxi driver who had driven her there. At the moment she was conducting a visual inspection of the outside of the store. She stood in the second parking space from the left end of the store where Brent said he had parked that night. There were banners and advertisements all over the bottom of the window partially blocking the view of the inside of the store. From where she was standing she could only see people from the waist up.
After a moment or so more in the parking lot she crossed the street and entered the store. All the shelves were located to the left of the door. They were arranged so that they were blocking the view of the counter. Not very efficient, Abbie thought as she walked further into the store. According the police report the bodies had been found in front of the shelves between the second and third ones from the left. From what Abbie could tell that meant that Anderson must have been standing direction in front of her, and Blaine was off slightly to the right, behind him.
She'd seen all she needed to see.
The driver was back in the car by the time she got back over there. He was eating pretzels and drinking from a can of Barq's Rootbeer.
"Where to?" he asked once she was back in the car. As she closed the door she felt her pager go off.
"Central Park," she told him as she unclipped it. She had turned off her cell phone because she didn't want to take any unnecessary calls. If it was important the person could page her, and then she would be able to screen who she did and didn't talk to. It was Jack. She fished out her cell phone and dialed the number on the display.
"McCoy," Jack answered.
"It's me," Abbie said leaning back in the seat and taking off her hat. "Did you get the stuff I sent?" she continued.
"Yeah," Jack answered. She could hear him moving around. "Are you going to offer her a plea?"
"We already did," Abbie told him. "She rejected it. Or I should say her lawyer did. He's an asshole, and it's going to cost her."
"When's your trial date?"
"Wednesday next week," Abbie responded looking out the window. On the other end of the line Jack frowned.
"Are you alright?" he asked she sounded tired.
"I'm fine," Abbie responded but her answer sounded unconvincing even to her own ears so she amended the statement. "I'm just a bit tired."
"Are you sure?" Jack asked. It took all of her energy not to snap at him, she didn't want to talk about what was wrong with her or about anything else for that matter.
"Yeah I'm sure. My neighbors are just doing some re-decorating. Apparently it involves a chainsaw because that has been my very early wake up call for the last few days," she answered. It was a blatant lie but it sounded believable and wouldn't be questioned which was exactly what she wanted. She could hear a knocking on the other end of the phone.
"Alright, try and get some sleep," Jack told her. "I've got to go."
"Yeah, bye," Abbie responded then she turned the phone back off and returned it to her pocket.
Toni walked through the park trying to remember the path that Abbie had taken her on. She was trying to track her down. Abbie had turned off her cell phone, wasn't answering her pager, and no one that Toni talked to had any idea where she was. The doorman at her building said that she had come in around eight, then left about two hours later. That was the last anyone had seen of her. It was now around three and Toni was running out of ideas when she remembered the park. About a year before they had been walking through the park after questioning a witness and Abbie had dragged her off on some path to show her a secluded spot in the park she liked to go to sometimes. She said that she went there to think, and Toni figured that she would give it a shot. Finally she saw a tree that she remember, it was bent over and cracked as if it had been hit by lightening. She had seen it the time Abbie had whisked her away. Behind it would be a cluster of trees, then a clump of bushes and if you pushed your way past them you got to the grove.
Pushing through the bushes Toni spotted a lone figure sitting on the sole bench in the area staring out at nothing. She knew immediately that it was Abbie. She walked over carefully, trying not to make a sound, she didn't want Abbie to see her too soon and bolt. Coming to a stop behind the bench she looked in the direction Abbie's head was facing.
"What's so interesting?" she asked calmly. Abbie didn't turn around.
"How'd you find me?" Abbie asked.
"You brought me here once. I remembered what you said," Toni said slowly walking around the bench. "Where have you been?" she asked taking a seat.
"Around," Abbie responded still staring in front of her. "At the crime scene."
"I need to talk to you," Toni said deciding to just get on with it. Her insides were all knotted up and she needed to get this over and done with.
"I don't want to talk to you," Abbie said standing up. Toni didn't like how calm her voice was, it meant that she was shutting down. At least earlier there had been something in her voice, even if it was a cross between confusion and anger.
"Don't go," Toni said standing up and walking after her. Abbie kept walking, she was nearing the bushes. "Abbie!" she called again. "Jesus Abbie, he's my BROTHER!" That stopped her, Toni noticed.
"What?" Abbie asked turning around. Toni walked up to her.
"That guy last night, he's my brother, Jason." Abbie stared at her for a second before lowering her gaze to the snow covered ground.
"Brother," Abbie said softly. The utterance was made mostly to herself but Toni spoke anyway.
"The call I got before we left Riker's, that was him from the airport. He had just gotten in," she said. "He got divorced a few months ago and had to give Jenny his car the day before he came. He was really broken up about losing his Mustang," she continued. "He's got some drinking buddies in Buffalo and was planning to get wasted with them on the week-end but decided to stop by and see me first. I tried to tell you."
"I know," Abbie said remembering their conversation at Riker's. She had cut off Toni's explanation. She lifted her eyes up and met Toni's for the first time all day. "I thought…" she trailed off before finishing the sentence.
"I know," Toni responded. "I know what it looked like," Toni said with a small smile. "I knew what you thought, it's what I would have thought in that situation. That's why I came to the office this morning. To tell you."
"But I ran away before you could, and have been avoiding you all day," Abbie said shaking her head. "Fuck," she muttered a moment later. "I'm an asshole."
"You're not an asshole," Toni said taking a step closer to her.
"Yes I am," Abbie said looking at her remorsefully.
"You were hurt," Toni said reaching out and taking her hand.
"You didn't do anything," Abbie responded.
"But you thought I had," Toni said.
"So?" Abbie asked.
"So, a perceived betrayal can be just as devastating as a real one. Because emotions they aren't logical and they don't need proof," Toni responded.
"It messed me up," Abbie told her.
"I could tell," Toni responded smiling. "It messed me up too, but it definitely messed you up more."
"Why?"
"What happened was like an eclipse," Toni told her.
"How so?" Abbie asked curiously. Toni came up with some of weirdest analogies she had ever heard but they usually made sense. Usually.
"When early man saw an eclipse it frightened them terribly. It frightened them because they thought that the sun had been taken away and was never coming back. They thought that they'd be in the darkness forever.
"But modern man knows that an eclipse is just temporary, that the dark will go away and the sun will shine again. So modern man isn't as messed up as early man because modern man knows the truth," Toni explained. When Toni finished speaking Abbie bent her head down so that her forehead was resting against Toni's.
"So I'm a cave-woman?" Abbie asked from their joined position.
"Yes, that was basically what I was saying," Toni responded with a small smile.
"It hasn't even been twenty-four hours, but it feels like a life-time," Abbie said softly. It was almost inconceivable to her that she had gone through the whirlwind of emotions that she had been through in less than a day. She lowered her head even more so that her mouth was next to Toni's ear. "I missed you," she whispered. "I missed you so much."
"I missed you too," Toni said so softly Abbie almost couldn't hear her.
"Tabula rasa," Abbie said recalling the Latin phrase that had been a favorite saying of one of her professor's. "This time we'll do it right."
"Tabula rasa," Toni agreed. Then she lifted her hand to the side of Abbie's face and Abbie leaned into the touch. Their eyes met and they looked at each other for an eternity before leaning in and bringing their lips together. The kiss started out softly but quickly became more passionate, more desperate as they both sought reassurance of their hearts already knew. Toni could feel tears running down her face and into their kiss but she didn't care, she needed to be where she was doing what she was doing. When they separated Abbie pulled her into her body and Toni rested her head on her shoulder. So this is love, she thought.