I don’t drink.
It’s not because of my image. Far from it. The illusion of the Silver Maiden, Chris Lightfellow the heroine, the pure paladin of the Zexen Knights, is one that I never expected to be burdened with. Never expected, certainly never wanted. It is an undesired weight that has come with my rising through the ranks to my current position as leader of the Zexen military command. I sometimes wonder if being the captain of the knights of Vinay Del Zexay has provided me with more opportunity and ability to protect others, or has hindered my ability to do so by forcing me to shoulder this image and work in cooperation with the council.
It’s not because I fear drink. It’s dangerous when abused, yes. But in excess, what is not? I am a very controlled person. I don’t believe I would abuse alcohol; I would be able to find my limit and stick to it. I’ve seen people do that, such as Joker, and I’ve seen people who can’t seem to understand their limits and go too far, like Mua. I’m not afraid because I know I would not go beyond my abilities to deal with it.
I guess that if I had to guess why I just never feel compelled to drink, it would probably be because one thing I value very highly is the ability to think clearly and thoroughly about decisions I make. Sometimes, on the battlefield, long and careful consideration of actions to take just isn’t possible…but because of decisions made under such conditions, I have found myself deeply in regret of what I have done many times. When my comrades and I destroyed the Karayan village…it was a hasty decision we made under the conditions of battle. We could not give it deliberate and careful consideration; doing so would result in more lives lost of our comrades.
I don’t know if we could have chosen a better action, given the circumstances. Questioning ourselves on what path we could have taken differently is pointless. Living with the results is what we must do. And I know that each of us will until our dying breath deeply regret what we did.
So if I have a chance to make decisions outside of the battlefield, and have the time to think them through, I won’t hinder that gift, that blessing, by indulging in drink.
I do, however, find myself drawn to Anne’s small tavern here at Orange Castle in the later hours, when sleep eludes me. I only have non-alcoholic beverages, but I find somehow that I enjoy the quiet atmosphere of the very late hours here. Usually there are a few patrons, but not nearly so many as to become unpleasantly boisterous. It is a good time for solitude and reflection.
My friends, of course, might disapprove of this place. Leo and Percival would not mind, but I’m quite certain Borus would be shocked and dismayed to find Lady Chris Lightfellow, great Zexen military leader, spending her time in a small bar. Roland would likely not approve, either, for I think that elves have a generally low opinion of alcohol. Salome as well, though he would of course hide his displeasure completely, trusting my judgment as he always does.
Hmmm…thinking about my comrades of the Zexen command reminds me of something that has recently been weighing fairly heavily on my mind. Borus, Percival, Leo, and possibly Roland and Salome…they fancy me, even if not all are comfortable with saying so…
“Care if I join you, Chris?”
I look up from the table, startled, to see Queen standing before me. Queen, one of Geddoe’s band of mercenaries…I am unsure of why she wishes to join me, for we don’t know each other as more than passing acquaintances, but I do not mind sharing my solace with another for the moment. I nod, and she pulls up a chair to sit across from me.
I watch her for a minute as she takes a drink from her glass before breaking the silence and asking, “Did you wish to speak with me about something?”
She puts her glass down on the table and shrugs. “Joker can be tiring as a drinking companion sometimes. After a while he just goes too far with it. Anyways, I’ve seen you in here occasionally, Chris, and I thought I might as well use the opportunity to know one of our great leaders better.”
I smile faintly, not entirely sure what to say to this. I’m fairly out of practice with normal socializing with others, and Queen somehow has an air to her that makes me a little nervous. Trying to think of something to say to her, I can only come up with, “Most people call me Lady Chris or Noble Chris.”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I feel like a fool. It was meant as an observation, something to say instead of simply sitting mute, but it came out as an accusation, an admonishment.
A smile plays faintly on Queen’s lips as she responds, “Yes, most do…it’s to show how they respect and admire your, and I mean to show no less respect. But I somehow don’t think you enjoy those titles attached to your name, Chris, so I didn’t bother with them.”
Relieved that she did not take my words the wrong way, but curious nonetheless, I ask her, “How did you know that?”
She looks past me for a moment, unfocusing her eyes a bit before responding, “People in higher ranks sometimes feel that way, I’ve found. They get tired of a title and status dictating how people see and perceive them…I’ve experienced it first-hand, so I can sometimes see it in others.”
She takes another drink, and the way her piercing eyes focus on me leaves no doubt that she doesn’t want the matter pursued. I can recall that Kidd had trouble getting many details on her past All I can remember him saying is that she has high-class backgrounds herself. It’s somewhat hard to imagine. Though she certainly has a certain elegance to her, imagining her dressed as the upper-class do, acting as they do, is difficult. She seems a perfect fit for her current role, with rugged beauty far more befitting her personality than that of elegance. I do envy her that…though I enjoyed my time traveling covertly, in the end I missed my standard ways of dressing, even if they are associated with the image of Zexen’s heroine, that image which infuriates me so.
I suddenly realize that Queen has asked me a question, and that I have been staring at her eyes while too lost in thought to realize she was speaking. Lightly blushing for my lack of manners, I ask her to please repeat her question.
“I asked,” she replied, slightly amused, “what it was you were thinking about before I joined you.”
“Oh,” I reply. “Nothing, really…just something about my friends.”
She takes another sip, those eyes focused once more on mine, urging me to continue. Somehow, I feel comfortable telling her about this, though I would not normally tell anyone. I find myself just speaking freely about it.
“The other five knights…most, if not all, are interested in me, Queen. I’m…flattered, honestly. They’re all very admirable, worthy people. I respect and care for them all. But I’m not interested in any sort of romantic relationship with them. I’m only interested in other women. But…I’m not sure what will happen. I want to just be able to tell them honestly that as much as I like and respect them, I don’t have any intentions that way. But…because of this position I hold, because of the image people have of me, I’m afraid that if I don’t choose one of them, then it may be hard for me to choose…anyone,” I confessed.
Queen nodded, eyes closed. “To be with someone outside of the highest ranking of the knights or other Zexen society…yes, I don’t believe your council would be pleased at all with the effect that would have on your heroic image. And there is no woman you could choose that I know of in high enough standing for them to accept the union.”
I sigh, looking into my glass. “I sometimes feel lonely when thinking about it. I have so little ability to make decisions about myself…I worry that even with a few good, close friends who know me, I will still feel lonely when I die.”
Queen shakes her head and finishes her drink. Toying with the empty glass in her hands for a moment, she responds, “I have nothing I can say to you, Chris. If there is a pleasant solution to your problems, I don’t know it. If it helps, you’re not the only one of us who feels lonely that way.”
I wait a moment for her to continue, then prod, “I’ll listen if you want to talk about it.”
She shrugs, non-committal, and answers, “Very little to tell. I would like to be with Geddoe that way. I feel that he would like it as well. But he’s cursed with a True Rune, and he can’t seal it away like the Flame Champion did, and like I imagine you and Hugo will. He’s born the weight of it for longer than I can guess now out of a sense of duty…and he’ll continue to do so after this is over until it is forcefully taken from him or he is driven mad. Either way…my life with him, if we were together for love, would in the long run be only a torment to him. It’s been hard enough for him to slowly lose the ability to feel and appreciate the world and life around him…if I were to tease him for a time with love’s companionship, he’d suffer all the more once I was gone and he had to gradually lose that, too. It’s better for him, and really for me, that we remain companions, allies, perhaps friends…but not more.”
“I’m sorry,” I tell her sincerely.
She shakes her head again. “It’s okay. I don’t mind telling you.”
I look down at the hand which holds my own True Rune. “I don’t think Hugo and I really thought about what sort of curse this power can bring when we took it…I’m glad that we have the opportunity to seal them back once this is over. As lonely as I can sometimes feel…at least I can still enjoy life.”
Queen nods, and is silent for a few minutes.
Then she looks me in the eyes once more, and asks, “Would you like to have sex with me, Chris?”
My jaw drops at the bluntness of this question. Wondering if perhaps I had somehow misheard, I stammer, “W-what?”
“Tonight. Now. Would you like to have sex with me?” Queen asks again, straightforward and serious.
“I don’t…I don’t understand.”
Queen explains, “I find you very attractive. From the way you’ve watched me while talking, I think you also find me attractive. It’s been a long time since I’ve had someone to be with, and I feel that need tonight.”
Still taken aback by her frank manner, and trying to collect my thoughts, I manage to get out, “Queen, I, I do think you’re attractive. Very attractive, but…but I don’t--”
“You don’t love me,” she finishes. “I know you’re not interested in a relationship with me on that level. Nor am I. But we’re both lonely.”
“I…” I cannot seem to come to grips with the situation. “I don’t just want you to just be comforting me or--”
“No,” Queen tells me gently, reaching across the small table to take my armored hand. “This is not about some stupid notion of comfort. I can’t offer you what you want any more than you can offer it to me. We can’t give each other love, and this isn’t some poor attempt to give emotional comfort. But I think…we’re both lonely, Chris. We’re both lonely for love. I can’t give you love, you can’t give love to me. But I can give you physical companionship; I can give you at least a small part of what you long for. And you can give the same to me. So, would you like to be with me? If not, that’s fine. But I would like to.”
Head swimming, I ask, “Could I just have a…a moment to consider?”
She nods, withdrawing her hand. Her eyes, which I am now fully realizing have captivated me all evening, are still fixed upon me as she waits.
What should I do? It’s true, I find myself very attracted to her. I’ve always found her rugged, yet all the while soft beauty charming. She’s someone I have so far enjoyed being with. The slowly, gently, yet insistent growing feelings I feel where my legs join certainly find the prospect pleasing. But like alcohol, I need to ignore them to be able to correctly view my options and make a decision.
“This is not about love.”
“And it is not only about sex.”
“And if we do tonight…then after tonight?”
“We are still Queen and still Chris, allies, companions, perhaps friends, nothing more. If we wish to do this again later, then we will deal with that then.”
She harbors no mistaken ideas about this, about where it might lead…so I think that there is no real reason not to do this.
“Yes,” I say softly, my decision made, “I would like to have sex with you, Queen.”
Another light smile and a simple, “Okay,” are the responses. She rises from the table, and I follow suit.
“Your room is watched too often by your peers,” she states. “I share my quarters with Geddoe and the company, but Jacques sleeps outdoors, Ace and Joker are going to be staying most if not all the night here at the tavern, and if I ask Geddoe to leave us in peace for the night, he’ll do so with no questions asked and no rumors spread.”
I nod. “We’ll use your room, then.”
Wordlessly, we make our way to the shipwreck that has become a part of Orange, finding our way to the dark quarters which Queen shares with Geddoe’s division. Quietly, she opens the door and motions for me to enter the lit room. I do so, wordlessly meeting the gaze of Geddoe as he passively looks on for explanation.
Queen steps into the room, and he turns his attention to her.
“Geddoe, could you sleep elsewhere tonight?” Queen asked. “We’d like to be alone.”
Geddoe looks from her to me, and back to her again as I lightly blush. He gives an agreeing nod, a slight grunt, and without further ado gets up from his chair and leaves the room, closing the door behind him.
I watch him leave, and then ask Queen, “Will that be okay, Queen? If you and he…”
“He and I are something that could be under different circumstances, and that’s why I feel lonely. But the key is that we aren’t. Now…come here, Chris,” she softly requests.
Heart pounding the same as anyone’s their first time, I do as she requests, stepping closer and closer to her until her jacket is in contact with my armor. Slowly, captivated by her eyes, I lower my mouth to hers, and after an eternity that passes in a blink of her eyes, I feel her lips upon my own, kissing them softly at first, then with growing heat and passion. My skin is becoming warm as I try to mimic her kiss, eventually opening my teeth’s gate to allow her tongue passage into my mouth. Still staring at those powerful eyes, I stroke her tongue with my own, playing a game with no rules and no loser.
I have been drowning in her eyes and in her kiss mentally…and I soon realize that I am, in a way, also drowning in them physically, for after what feels like a pleasant eternity, I find myself needing air. Now.
I break the kiss, gasping for breath, seeing that she is also breathing heavily. Before I have taken more than a few breaths, however, she rushes forward to kiss me again. No longer is the kiss long and intense, however…now she kisses me quickly over and over again, tracing a trail from my lips southward. As she passes my chin, she slows her pace to stronger, more sensual kisses, lightly sucking on my neck’s skin, running her tongue over it as she goes. I moan softly as she does this; I cannot help it, the gentle, powerful feeling is so…it is hard to describe, aside from feeling very, very good.
This goes on for a few minutes, and as wonderful as this feels, my armor is now starting to become uncomfortably hot. “Qu-Queen,” I manage to quietly say, “I need to…I need to get out of my armor, please.”
Her head draws away, understanding, and she watches me as I remove my gauntlets, breast-plate, armored boots, and many other parts of the armor suit which keeps me alive in battle. As the last heavy pieces were removed, I reach behind my head to let my hair down. I feel it flow down in a wave as I stand before her, clad only in normal, uninteresting white underwear and bra. I can see her breath has quickened a bit from watching, and her eyes are sweeping over me, taking in the sights of my naked feet, legs, hands, stomach, and arms.
She steps forward, and continues her wonderful neck-kisses, now working her way down to where it meets my collar bone with wonderful precision. Again, I find myself softly moaning, my hands moving almost of their own accord to her back to gently stroke it as she continues.
Then, Queen brings her hand up to caress my left breast through the bra’s fabric. It doesn’t feel as intensely nice as her kisses do, but I jump a bit nonetheless, for so small a feel has felt so pleasurable. She again slowly draws her hand across my bosom, with more pressure this time…then she opens her hand and cups the breast in it, mirroring her actions with my right one as well. My breathing quickens further as she begins to rub the breasts and even gently squeeze them, and suddenly her wonderful kisses seem of lesser importance.
After a very short time of this, she removes her hands from my breasts and her lips from my neck. Trying not to feel disappointed, I watch to see what she wants.
She brings her hands to her front and begins to take off her jacket. Before she can get far, though, I bring my shaking hands forward to rest on hers, stopping her. She looks into my eyes, questioning, and I tell her wordlessly. She understands, and drops her arms to her sides. Obviously, she is the more experienced with this…but I do not want her to have to lead everything. Neither she nor I needs to dominate this…we can simply work together to make this as good for the other as we can.
I slowly, surely, eagerly finish what she started, opening her jacket and letting her shrug it off. Then I help her to remove her shirt, pulling it over her head so that now she has only her own bra to cover her top. I reach my arms around to her back, as she does the same to me, and together we unhook the others’ garments and let them free. As each bra fell to the ground, both I and she find our gazes drawn from the others’ eyes to our newly-uncovered areas.
I have never been very, as one might say, gifted, and it seems that Queen is much the same. Yet even if they are not large, her breasts are compellingly beautiful. She looks into my eyes once more, and draws me in close, until our arms are locked behind one another. She gives me another powerful kiss, and this time my attention is only partially on our tongues’ dance, the rest upon the wonderful sensation of her bosom against mine, melding together as we press harder against the other to increase the feeling.
Queen breaks our kiss as she takes a step back, and quickly moves her mouth down. This time, however, she does not kiss my neck, but goes still lower and begins softly, gently kissing my breasts. I moan, louder than before, as entirely new kinds of pleasure become known to me. She begins to focus her soft, lovely kissing and licking upon my right breast as her hand comes up to stroke and squeeze my left.
Breathing very heavily now, I gasp her name occasionally and moan repeatedly, bringing my hands from her back to rest on her head. She’s kissing me hard now, going in smaller and smaller circles around the center of my right as her squeezes become firmer and strokes harder on my left.
Finally, she brings her lips to my peak and begins to suck hard upon it, at the same time pinching my left peak. Oh, it feels so good! My gasp is audible and loud now, followed by a moaned, “Yes, Queen…”
But she has only begun, for a moment after she begins this sweet, wonderful treatment, her free hand very quickly comes to the only clothed part of my body, reaching to invade my panties. I nearly stop breathing, it is so wonderful as she cups the center of my legs. I whimper in horrible pleasure--
And she enters me with two of her fingers while stroking my clitoris with another. The wonder is unbearable, and I cry out as I experience my first orgasm brought on by another. It is beautiful, I cannot breathe yet I’m gasping, cannot think yet the pleasure of it is racing through my mind nonstop, all I can do is feel this wonderful thing that is racing through me like a lightning bolt!
After what seems like a year of ecstasy, I find myself slowing and descending from this powerful feeling…I look to Queen, who has removed her hands and is standing before me, an honestly pleased smile on her face. Putting my hand on her shoulder to use her as support, I kiss her, then say as best I am able, “Thank you…”
“You’re welcome, Chris.”
I reach down to her waist, and pull her pants and underwear down at the same time, exposing her well-toned, yet in some way very effeminate legs. She steps out of them, kicking her boots off in the process. She then pulls down my own underwear, and we stand for a moment, admiring the other’s center of being. Her raven curls are lovely, and her entrancing eyes are for once entranced themselves at my shaven area.
This time I am the one who moves forward in initiative, embracing her tightly as we did before, but this time pushing her back slightly towards the bed. We kiss once again, but not for long as I push her down to lie on her back, head on the pillow. Once she’s there, I lower my head and lock my lips to hers once more, positioning myself to lie on top of her as I do.
As we lay kissing, I’m not sure what to do next…I can’t reach my hand down to caress her as she did me, but feeling myself on her, the warmth of our bodies mingling to form its own blanket for us as we kiss and caress one another…this feels so good to be like this, I don’t want to leave it…
Suddenly, I’m aware that even though I went through that beautiful orgasm just minutes ago, I again feel a desire and need in my nether-regions, and realize that while we lie embraced, I am pressed hard on her leg, and…it’s not as intense and powerful a feeling as her fingers were inside me, but somehow it’s better to be lying with her this way, truly enjoined.
I move myself slightly so that my leg is between hers, and begin to press it into her own female core as I press mine harder. Her breathing increases and now she is the one moaning softly as I set a grinding rhythm against her, slowly increasing its speed and power until soon it feels as though we are slamming against each other, bodies sliding in rhythm as our breasts meld, as our bodies’ heat becomes almost unbearable, as the wonderful pleasurable torment builds and builds we are gasping and moaning and encouraging the other in panted, whimpered shouts to continue and, and, yes, the electricity is ripping through me, she’s calling out as it does her, it feels so spectacular, liquid beauty surging through me!
And finally…panting, the world is back in focus…my head is resting on her bosom, and both of us are heaving for breath…
She looks down at me, kisses me lightly on the forehead. “Thank you for that, Chris. I enjoyed that…”
I look up at her, tired…but concerned as I ask, “Queen…you brought me there twice…you’ve only had one yourself, though?”
She smiles and shrugs as best as she’s able with my weight upon her. “Maybe so. But I’m satisfied right now nonetheless…and if need be, we have the rest of the night to take care of any needs that arise.”
I accept the answer, too tired to do anything else. As I lay there, I realize that this solved nothing…but all the same, it has helped us both to deal with our loneliness, and it has helped us to feel a little better about our place in life. Perhaps there will be other times we can share…perhaps not. Either way, I won’t regret this decision, and neither will she.