Object 03
"So you're saying that you don't know where she went," said the inspector.
Along the inspector himself, there were two officers watching over their latest suspect, Ben Dover, the man Carmen and her organization left behind for reasons unknown. Ben was a just an ordinary man--a weak one at that. Yet for some reason his famished appearance was unusually attractive. So much so that inspector and the officers were starting to get hot.
"I won't say a thing," Ben declared. "Nope, nope, nope."
"This is getting us nowhere," said the inspector. "Take him away. We'll let ACME take care of him."
The two officers handcuffed Ben and walked off to his cell. The one of them began making sniffing noises.
"You stink," said one of them.
"Eh?" said Ben. "Do I really?"
"I say you need to take a shower."
"Oh, okay."
They took him to the lockers and watched him closely as he undressed. Then they walked him over to showers and kept on watching him.
Ben showered innocently while humming an Ayumi Hamasaki single he heard a while back.
"Make you sure you soap yourself really good," said the officer.
"Okay!" said Ben.
Suddenly, he dropped his soap. As he bent over, he heard pants unzipping in an instant.
"Oh, crap," he said. Tricked again.
The urge to whip young Becky was strong within Contessa, but she restrained herself knowing that it was normal for Carmen Sandiego to fawn over new recruits from hours onwards. Still, she was cautious about this unusual girl who was tall and had long dark hair. What could she possibly add to the organization?
"Good to see you Miss Sandiego!" cried Moe. Then he ran off just for the sake of running. Two V.I.L.E. agents kept an eye by following on bicycles.
"He's off to a start," said Becky.
"That's Moe Momentum," said Carmen. "Once he goes, there is very little to stop him."
In no time Seymour Butz and Dr. E. Rogenis surrounded Becky and scrutinized her from head to butt--well, mostly her butt.
"Nice ass," said Seymour. "I can see you take good care of it."
Becky gulped and hid her butt.
"That's just a compliment," said he.
"Don't mind him," said Rogenis. "Seymour likes butts and nothing else."
"Is that so?" Becky asked.
"So who is this girl Miss Sandiego?"
"Our newest member, Becky Wolfe," announced Carmen. "From now, she will be working with us."
"Welcome Becky," said Father Bo Nerr.
"That doesn't sound like a good codename," said Jenny Teilia.
"That is my name," said Becky. "But my full name is..."
"Hush now," said Carmen. "It is not necessary to reveal it."
"You just did."
"Partially, but we should in mind forget about it. Oh that's it. We shall call you Wolf Ears."
"You're right," said Kim. "Her hair looks kind of like a wolf's."
"I'm not so sure..." said Becky.
"How about The Wolf?" asked Sharon.
"Someone's already has it Miss Sandiego," said Contessa.
"Ah yes, that cleaning guy."
"I think Wolf Ears would be fine," said Becky.
"Splendid!"
"Miss Sandiego," said Rogenis, "it seems that young Wolf Ears is injured."
"I'm fine," said Becky.
"I insist. You must be subjected to a full inspection."
"Hey, is Ben Dover missing?" asked Jenny so suddenly.
"Left behind as usual," sighed Kim.
"Then we should pick him up right now," said Bo. "He has done his job."
"Very well," said Carmen. "Bo and two others should go."
"I volunteer!" cried Seymour.
"I must come along as well," said Rogenis. "Most certainly he will be needing my 'medical' treatment."
"Good," said Carmen. "Please return safely by the time I hold my meeting on Tuesday."
"Yes ma'am!" cried Bo and the others. Immediately, he along with Seymour and Rogenis boarded the same helicopter before them accompanied by a small group of V.I.L.E. agents. Then they took off.
"Ben Dover?" asked Becky.
"Our fall guy," said Kim.
"Well, we didn't actually make him our fall guy," said Sharon. "It's just that he seems to be in the wrong place in the wrong time. Always ending up in jail. Poor Tip constantly stresses about his brother."
"His sister is Tip Dover, huh?" asked Becky.
Becky was then introduced to the other agents, such as Jenny Telia and Moe Momentum who she had seen briefly again after making one lap about the landing pad. She was particularly worried about the elegant Contessa Vanessa. She seemed very angry about something, and the whip on her side did not help to enhance her character. Then she was given the tour of the hideout with the other agents following her.
She was taken to the laboratories, which was subdivided into computer, engineered, and chemical. Carmen had one of the most brilliant scientists employed to her for various reasons. Some were exiled from their home countries, while others enjoyed the thrill of defeating security whether it was physical, computerized, and social.
The medical labs were also technologically equipped with the latest machines and materials, as well as the best doctors and nurses. V.I.L.E. always needed to keep up with treating their wounded agents and fight off whatever poison and diseases the enemy might throw at them. It was even claimed that they hold the cures of certain types of common cancers and deadly flu viruses. Though the staff was kooky in nature like Rogenis, they were all quite friendly and very likeable. Amongst the nurse staff there was one that was always sighing and droning out in her usual work. In terms of behavior, she was the most normal.
"Hey lesbian!" cried one of the male nurses.
"What now?" said the exasperated nurse.
"Where did you put the anti-B-Scratcher crate at?"
"It's sitting in cold storage room B."
"Thanks a lot lesbian!"
"And for the nth time, my name is Leslie Beatrix Annette. Not Les B. Ann. It has been four days already!"
"But you have to have a codename for V.I.L.E. Isn't that a given?"
"Only if it fits your character."
"But aren't you one?"
"Like I said, I'm not a lesbian, okay? Just because I have short hair, play golf, and the fact that I like the WNBA doesn't make me one. Sheesh, I only like Indigo Girls for their music. I'm not even butch either!"
"Unh?" asked The Butch.
"Ah, The Butch! I didn't know that you were there. I mean, no offense, and I wasn't meaning to call on you. Oh, and hello there Miss Carmen Sandiego."
"Hello Les B. Ann," smiled Carmen.
Les sighed. "You forgot my name again, didn't you?"
"I am really sorry about that. What did you say your name was again?"
"Leslie Beatrix Annette."
"That sounds pretty long. For some reason, Les B. Ann rolls off the tongue more easily. Don't you agree?"
The group surrounding Carmen nodded. Les sighed once again.
"To say I would quit right now would also mean going back to my country--and I can't go back there," said Les. "I guess I'll have to put up with this a little while longer."
"I have an idea," said Carmen. "From this moment onward, I'll add you to my personal staff as my elite agent. That way I can finally remember your name."
"Miss Carmen!" said Contessa. "We've already have like two sets of personal staffs, and they're both a little too big to handle."
"Two more elite agents can't hurt, and I'm sure of it. As for you Les B. Ann, you can work under Dr. E. Rogenis."
"For last time, it's Leslie Beatrix Annette. Or at the very least just call me Les."
"Sorry, but it really does roll of the tongue so smoothly. Anyway, your first job is to check up on Wolf Ears."
"Hello," said Becky.
"Okay," sighed Les. "I'll take you to the inspection room."
After announcing that she will be in the command center, Carmen as well as her elite agents dispersed off. Les gave Becky a full physical, a blood test, and even a mammogram.
"Unfortunately we won't be giving you a gynecology examination as of yet," said Les as Becky dressed herself back up. "But you're young and it's not like you have anything wrong with you."
"I suppose."
"Luckily you avoided getting an examination from Dr. E. Rogenis. It's a good thing the others helped you very subtly."
"What about Dr. E. Rogenis?"
"She believes that she can cure most psychological and erectile dysfunctions through aggressive stimulation of the anus. That woman..."
"Okay..."
"So come to me when you have problems instead of Rogenis, unless you have a problem with your rectum--she's a real good expert on that. I'm quite a capable surgeon myself though I couldn't finish my doctorate."
"Could that be the reason why you're working for Carmen?"
"It's not that. To tell you the truth, my real name is Leslie Beatrix Annette, but everyone here thinks it's a codename. Then again, my name is what compelled me to leave my country."
"You're from the United States."
"I am. And you?"
"Actually, I'm from Europe. I won't say which country though, but I have traveled a lot speaking many languages, so my accent wavers."
"You speak fluent English Becky. Anyway, the reason I left America was both because of my name and my home. You see, I lived in a backwoods county in the deep south where homosexuality is regarded deep suspicion that people are constantly double-thinking on what is a queer act and what is not. It's really bad at the county of Homophobia. For example, men aren't even allowed to hold or even touch purses. I mean, they even sentenced an out-of-state purse-snatcher life in prison not because of the theft of itself, but because he was holding a purse. There are other obnoxious laws where men are forbidden to wear pink, lavender, and are also forbidden to shave their body hair. Women aren't allowed to wear pants or sneakers, and must be donned in feminine colors. I'm surprised the federal government allows these kinds of things, but I say it's because of the Conservative Christian-backed Republican congress.
"Thus, I was heavily ridiculed due to my 'unusual' interests in sports and female folk artists, and my name added to the problem. But I escaped not because of that, but because I simply asked a guy out. That warrants an arrest but I didn't want to be arrested for fears of being raped by women in prison. Then Carmen and her agents saved me and I owe a great debt to her. Still, she doesn't remember my name, but oh well."
"I wish there is something I can do about your name," said Becky. "Then again, I'm just a new agent."
"I'm sure Miss Sandiego will remember. I'm sure."
Becky thanked Les and walked out. Down the hall she saw Kim, Sharon, Jenny, and The Butch walking down the hall towards her while talking to each other.
"Becky," said Kim. "We were just about to pick you up."
"Carmen's getting impatient?" Becky asked.
"No, she's just worried," said Jenny.
"Unh!" said The Butch.
"What?" said Becky.
"The Butch wants to know if you learned some words in the Butchese language book she gave you," said Kim.
Grr, there's only one fucking word to learn!
"I have," replied Becky while feigning a smile.
"Okay then," said Kim. "Say hello to her in Butchese."
"Then here goes: Unh!"
Seconds of silence passed. Then The Butch began crying and then ran down the hall wailing louder.
"Aw jeez Becky, you just had to say that," said Jenny.
"What, what did I say?" asked Becky.
"You just told her that her mother was a useless bull-whore who stepped on puppies with glee."
"The Butch's mother recently passed away," said Kim.
"I said that?" said Becky. "Look I'm sorry, but I didn't know."
They all sighed. "It's okay," said Kim.
"I'd better go and apologize to her, but I won't know the right words to say to her."
"If I know her," said Sharon, "she'll be crying at the old church."
"I should go to her now."
"You should wait," said Kim. "It will take a while and we don't want you to get discovered by the spy satellites. Don't worry, you'll find a way to apologize to The Butch."
"I feel so bad."
"Don't let it get to you."
"We'll find her for you," said Jenny. "You can count on us."
Kim, Jenny, and Sharon headed off and disappeared when they turned a corner to another hall.
Becky sighed. Carmen was waiting for her, so she had to move. After following the glowing blue lines and arrows on the floor, as well as the signs, she made it to the command center. It wasn't as flashy or imposing as the ones she had seen in the movies. Though it realistic, it had a mark of legitimacy, as if Carmen was really part of the good guys. Like all other command centers, it had its large screen monitor of the map of the world, many smaller monitors of video feeds and data graphs and charts, and entire dedicated intelligence teams there were in constant contact with not just V.I.L.E. operatives but also governmental organizations friendly to them.
Carmen and Contessa were at the table talking with the research team on their next plan of theft. There wasn't just a large paper map of the site in question; there were also laptop computers and piles of documents. No detail was overlooked for Carmen was a careful and even a patient planner as it was said in the criminal underworld.
Then Becky saw the bushy The Pussy at the end of the table glaring at her with its multicolored eyes of blue and brown.
"Damn cat," said Becky.
Carmen noticed Becky and smiled at her. She then dismissed the research team, who then took the planning materials and documents with them save for a few laptop computers, a few documents, and the giant map itself. Upon Carmen's beckoning, Becky sat next to her on the table. Contessa sat next to Carmen trying to withhold her jealousy. By then, maids and butlers served them tea and biscuits.
"Nice place," said Becky. "Do you do all your planning here?"
"No," said Carmen. "This is just one of my bunker hideouts around the world. Of course, only I know the locations of all of them and would only reveal it when our current one has been taken down. Fortunately, we'll be staying here a little while longer."
"Apparently, the Macau government looks over our somewhat illegal operations since we prop up their local economy," said Contessa. "Actually, it's the case with all the hideouts. For some reason they all find us to be a great source of profits."
"I know about your guys' reputation," said Becky. "Stealing artifacts big and mountain-sized is quite illegal. Of course, I don't really condone it. In fact I don't really care all that much about it."
"That's good. At least you won't rat us out or take down the entire organization."
"And if I did?"
Carmen chuckled. "Even those who hated me respect enough to allow me and this organization to prosper. If you think about, I am a vital part of the world's economy and its stability. To stretch it out even further, I can say that I am necessary for the survival of human civilization."
"How so?"
"In the history of mankind, two opposing groups are almost always united when there is a common enemy. By stealing important artifacts and landmarks, I distract them from the personal insults and violence they deal to each other and get them to cooperate and eventually they will live in harmony even it is just a short while. I know it takes a lot of money to pull such a grandiose theft, but money is not in my primary interest. Our actions keep the authority in their toes and help them advance their technology and tactics against real and more dangerous enemies such as terrorists and unethical corporations. We put on a show so that the people working in the authorities can keep their jobs. And by stealing artifacts and landmarks, we teach a lesson to the arrogant owners their inevitable vulnerability and what is really important in their lives."
Becky digested Carmen's words for a moment, and then said, "I don't get it. Can you go by me again?"
Contessa sighed. "Let's just say we keep the world in balance by stealing stuff."
"I can digest that."
"But I have a rule that we must return the objects we steal after a certain period of time," said Carmen.
"What she means by returning it is that we leave it in a spot where ACME and other international agencies have to find it," said Contessa. "With a bit of effort of course."
"I know it sounds confusing, but I do it to make the world a more interesting place to be. If you don't like it, then I understand. You are free to leave right now."
"But we still have to wipe her memories."
"I want none of that. We'll just simply have to move."
"But Miss Sandiego!"
"I think I'll stay for a couple months and maybe a year," said Becky. "It's not like I got a lot of things to do. I think this will be good for my personal training. As Azuma-sensei said, 'a journey into the mouth of evil is more enlightening than journey into a church'."
"By the way Becky," said Carmen, "I do not allow killing in my operations."
"Don't worry about it! It's actually harder to kill a person than to wound her or him."
"And we don't partake in hurting them unnecessarily. That means no torture."
"You're not giving me a lot of options."
"Then you should leave," said Contessa. "This thing's way over your head."
"But I'm going to stay because it'll look good on my resume."
"Then I expect you to live up to Carmen's ideals. One false move and our reputation will be stained beyond recovery."
The next couple of days for Becky weren't exactly grand, yet it was enjoyable. As a temporary member of V.I.L.E. she was expected to train both physically and mentally, although the latter she barely pulled through. Everyone, especially Carmen, was amazed by her anime-like sword abilities done through her Shinseiki. She became closer with the elite agents, and even learned each of their faults. For example, she learned the hard way that she was not supposed to take a towel from Sharon Herpes. Luckily, nurse Les took care of Becky's herpes outbreak within a day. Becky wondered why they kept Sharon around if she had the uncanny ability of spreading herpes.
"Two words," said Sir Kim Zishun. "Sport activities."
People were very careful avoiding and cleaning everything Sharon touched, but they loved her during sports activities. Everyone wanted her in their team because those who had her would almost always sweep every competition. It was a bit selfish for them to feel that way about her, but thankfully she was unaware of their repulsiveness of her talent. Or perhaps she knew and was just playing along. Perhaps this was why Carmen took her in. Regardless, the other agents upheld a great respect to Sharon, and she was a close friend with Jenny Teilia. Some say that they were lovers, but it was not confirmed as of yet.
Becky could not find the right words to apologize to The Butch despite numerous meetings. She tried very hard to study Butchese but to no avail. The vocal language was just plain hard.
Becky had the unusual privilege of seeing Carmen almost constantly, and all the other agents were jealous because Carmen never usually spends more than one day with them. Becky and Carmen, though they were sometimes accompanied by the fuming Contessa, had all three daily meals together, participated together in martial arts training, and went out in Macau for sight seeing, and the guilty pleasure of gambling. Whenever Carmen would appear in one of the casinos, the other patrons, whether they be wealthy or not, were either forced to put out their cigarettes or clear out if they did not. Carmen did not like smoking or the smell of it. So every time she entered a place notorious for rampant smoking, the smell would be covered up with the scent of flowers.
Bo Nerr, Seymour Butz, and Dr. E. Rogenis had finally returned with Ben Dover from Japan late night on a Monday. When Ben appeared, he was walking in a limp with his three rescuers as if something had happened to his butt. He remarked upon coming into the lounge:
"I appreciate your concern, but Doctor did you really have to go overboard with your treatment? And Seymour, you just had to watch."
"It's my guilty pleasure," smiled Seymour.
On the next day, all of the elite agents gathered in the command center table with Carmen sitting at the head. The late morning was filled with positively great anticipation of her next heist. It was difficult to find out which one Carmen was leaning towards for she would usually plan four or more at the same time.
"Ladies and gentlemen," began Carmen, "based on the events concerning the heated California State Senate and District elections, I hereby announce that we are going to steal Hearst Castle."
"Didn't we steal that ten years ago?" asked Sharon.
"No, we stole the Disneyland Castle," said Kim. "That really pissed of Eisner and his goons."
"So we're going to piss off the entire California State Government?" Becky asked.
"To put it that way, yes," smiled Carmen.
"We have investors within the Californian State Government who wants us to pull that off," said Contessa. "The extremists in both in both the Democratic and Republican parties will be thrown into the panic, and the moderates will set to work in reforming the state government quickly and subtly."
"Then there is denying the funds to state government from the tourist dollars. It will indeed put the blame to them for allowing us to steal it, thus weakening state government's public image internally. The theft of the Hearst Castle will embarrass them and they will do all they can to hide it."
"Interesting," said Becky. "I can't wait to help you guys."
"We have five days to prepare. On midnight Sunday we will quickly pull the castle off its foundation and hide it somewhere, the location of which I won't reveal on the day of the theft. Get plenty of rest, for we won't be able to afford any in the days to come."
"You are all dismissed," said Contessa.
The elite agents filed out talking about the upcoming theft with excitement.
"Becky," said Carmen.
"Yes?"
"You still have a chance to back out. I don't want you to ruin your life and your future by associating with me."
"The truth is Carmen, my fate has been decided when I left home."
Carmen looked into Becky's eyes and sensed sadness in her.
"I see," Carmen smiled.
"I'll see you at lunch."
Becky waved goodbye as she left the command center. Just then, she bumped into The Butch.
"The Butch!" Becky cried. "Look I really want to say that I'm sorry about your mother and all."
"Unh!"
"I'm sorry, but I'm not doing too good in learning Butchese."
The Butch nodded. Then she spoke to Becky using English-based sign language. Luckily, Becky understood sign language very fluently in many languages. Realizing that The Butch has accepted her apology understandingly, Becky smiled and spoke back through her hands.
"I'm glad," said she.
"Unh!"
"I agree. This operation will be tons of fun!"
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