Chapter 08: Running a Store, Life in a Cabin
Inside the interrogation room of the Memphis women's prison, FBI agent Patrick Spoon leans against the wall and tries to stay awake while his partner, Jonathan Dish faces off with an uncooperative Schumacher, who was arrested about a week ago for gross violation of child labor laws and for the manufacturing, distribution, and possession of child pornography. Her brush with death confirms Becky and Red's presence somewhere in Tennessee.
"I have testimony from witnesses stating that you yelled to Rebecca Wolfe that a Darryl Güse is going to get her," Dish said.
Schumacher, whose right hand is in the process of being reattached to her right arm, wipes the sweat off her face with her left hand.
"I have no idea what you are talking about," she said.
"I am only going through procedure ma'am."
"If you know what's good for you boy, you'd best be avoiding Darryl."
"I'm curious to know what kind of woman she is."
"I have nothing to more to say."
"Fine." Dish turns to his partner. "Spoon, let's go."
Spoon wakes up. He immediately follows Dish out of the interrogation room and start walking down the hallway.
"Another dead-end, huh?" said Spoon.
"This case is getting us nowhere," Dish said. "I'm thinking we should get transferred to another."
"Agent Dish!" yelled agent Ryan Bowl.
Ryan Bowl catches up to Dish and Spoon.
"What is it agent Bowl?" Dish asked.
"We've just got a report that Olde Wolfe Ears and Red Little have been spotted in Somerville, New Jersey."
"What happened to the Somerville squad?"
"All of them have been annihilated by a sniper rifle."
"That isn't like them."
"What do you mean?" asked Spoon.
"Wolfe and Little usually take them on at close range."
"Is it just one sniper rifle?" Spoon asked Bowl.
"Bullet analysis confirms it."
"Thank you agent Bowl," said Dish.
"You're welcome."
Agent Bowl walks off while Dish and Spoon go past the security checkpoint and head towards the exit.
"So what are you doing after this?" Spoon asked.
"I don't know," said Dish.
"Do you want to stop by somewhere?"
"I don't know."
Spoon runs ahead, turns around and stops in front of Dish.
"You should relax," Spoon suggested. "Just because your father and his friend Fork are at the head of the FBI doesn't mean you should let them run your life."
"That's not what on my mind," said Dish. "Well, actually, it is on my mind, but not at this moment."
"What is on your mind?"
"Darryl Güse."
"Jeez, I know your marriage is falling apart, but this isn't like you."
"I'm not saying that I'm attracted by her. When I first bumped into Güse, she gave me an overwhelming impression that she is the type who would kill a man just because he looked at her."
"The way I see it, all women are like that."
"Maybe I'm just dwelling on it too much."
"I concur. Let's go to a bar and get your mind off it!"
"Uh, wait a second."
Spoon playfully gets behind Dish and then pushes him towards the exit.
"Hey, watch out!" cried Dish.
Suddenly, Dish accidentally bumps into a trio of women. One of them drops a hotdog she was eating.
"Hey, watch it asshole!" she cried out. The woman who was eating has short messed-up hair, is disheveled and a badly dressed drug-addict in her mid-twenties. Though her face is constantly twitching at random intervals, she is still amiable.
With her is a tall woman who is dressed in a man's suit and has a fedora hat covering her shaven head. She is very imposing, well built, and in her mid forties.
The last one, the youngest of the trio, is a true beauty at the age of twenty. She has long and permed blonde hair and exudes an air of refinement.
"I'm really sorry, ma'am," Dish apologized.
"You made me drop my fucking dick-dog!" she yelled. Immediately she kicks Dish hard into the stomach, causing him to fall back.
Spoon rushes to his aide and then stares angrily back at the women.
"Hey, he just apologized to you, wench!" yelled Spoon. "If you want to assault someone, assault me. I'm the one to blame!"
"Two for the price of one, eh?"
The drug-induced woman digs her hand into her pants pocket for her assault weapon. The youngest and the most beautiful of the women rush to restrain her older sister.
"Cecilia, let them be," she said.
"Charlotte, I'm gonna teach these fuckers a lesson," said the drug-addict named Cecilia.
"Cecilia," said the older woman.
"But mother!"
The older woman cracks her hard knuckles. Cecilia lets go of her weapon and pulls her hand out of her pocket.
"Yes mother," said Cecilia.
The young women join up with their bald mother as she makes her way to the security checkpoint gate.
"Sorry, gentlemen," said the mother as she tips her fedora hat.
"Please excuse my sister," Charlotte said to Dish and Spoon as she passes by them.
The three of them walk past the security gate while Dish and Spoon watch them disappear into the dark halls.
"You okay?" Spoon asked.
"I'll be fine, thank you," replied Dish. The two of them brush themselves off and then get back on their feet.
"I'm really sorry about that. But you know, that woman shouldn't get all pissy about dropping her hotdog."
Spoon bends over to pick up the hotdog and then suddenly stops.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Dish asked.
"The meat," he stuttered, "it's a..."
Spoon becomes sick to his stomach. He straightens up, covers his mouth, and runs to the nearest bathroom. Dish walks over and bends over to inspect the hotdog. Though covered with ketchup and relish, the meat is pink, fleshy, and has veins on it. Dish uses his handkerchief to pick it up, because he knows that the meat is of human origin.
Cecilia, Charlotte, and their mother soon meet up with Darryl Güse who is waiting just outside the interrogation room.
"You're late, Celeste," said Darryl.
"I am sorry Miss Güse," said the head-shaven mother, "but Cecilia had to be injected with a fresh supply of heroin."
"Why did you abort the order to kill Ginger?" asked Cecilia.
Celeste immediately slaps her daughter Cecilia.
"Do not question the orders of the Lady!" snapped Celeste.
"Yes, mother."
"I have plans for her and her friends," Darryl said. "Well, ladies; shall we?"
Celeste and her daughters nod. Darryl signals the guard to walk away. She and the rest of the women enter the interrogation room. Schumacher looks up and immediately shakes in fear at the sight of the four of them.
"Lady Güse," whimpered Schumacher. "I didn't tell them anything!"
Darryl smiles, and then nods off to Celeste.
"Cecilia," uttered Celeste.
"With pleasure," snickered Cecilia as she pulls out a long dagger with a very sharp side and serrated side.
The interrogation room has not been touched long after Darryl, Celeste, Cecilia, and Charlotte left. Eventually, the Hispanic female janitor unlocked the door to the room and opens it.
Immediately after turning the lights, she lets out a long blood-curdling scream and faints. Soon enough, the guards, at least the real ones run to the scene. They cover their mouths and attempt to avert their eyes at the horrible sight.
They find Schumacher ruthlessly mutilated. Her right hand has been ripped off, her limbs are broken, and her breasts and vagina has been ripped and sawed off while she was alive despite the coldly precise gunshot wound to her head.
And yet, there were no eyewitness accounts of the four women who were with her in her last hours...
The handsome Jack Stool walks out to the balcony on the back with a glass of water in his hand. The sight of the beautiful green hills never ceases to amaze him. However, the sight of the beautiful debutante yet mysterious Jill Ladder is also a sight to behold, as she joins up with him in a beautiful and sparkly dress.
"What a beautiful view!" said Jack. "Of course, you are ten times more beautiful."
"You're not marrying me just for my looks, are you?"
"It's not like I'm doing this for the money. Your holdings barely match one-eighth of my family's."
"So I'm just a trophy wife, huh?"
"Jill, I could have chosen trophy wives who are ten times richer than me. But I rejected them all just for you."
"Oh, Jack."
Jill runs into Jack's arms, and then they kiss.
Meanwhile, Becky situates herself behind the couch of the drawing room connected the balcony. She puts her walk-talkie to her ear.
"Shinseiki in place," radioed Becky. "How are things going?"
At the garage, Ginger, disguised as an electrician, finishes cutting the cables of a rack-mounted computer system.
"Gingerbread Grrl, here," answered the bespectacled Ginger. "Security and telephone systems have been disabled. Cell-phone jamming is all green."
At the courtyard just below the balcony, the last guard dog falls unconscious. Mira, dressed in a French-maid's uniform, is inside the elaborate dining area where all the wedding guests and their servants have passed out.
"Chemical Girl reporting," Mira answered. "All guards, guard dogs, maids, and guests have fallen asleep. The potion is in effect."
About a hundred meters below the mansion is a steep hill lined by trees and large rocks. The guards who are supposed to be patrolling the area are all shot dead. Red, dressed in her usual crimson riding hood and a t-shirt that reads "I'm an Angel, and I did your wife!", stands behind a tree with her gun and silencer ready. She looks up and sees Jack and Jill on the balcony embracing each other.
"Crimson Hood, in position," Red spoke to her walkie-talkie.
"Wait for my signal," Becky radioed. She holsters her walkie-talkie and quietly unsheathes her Shinseiki katana.
Jill lets go of Jack and leans on the balcony rails.
"It's such a beautiful day," said Jill.
"And quiet too," added Jack.
"Is my mansion that scary?"
"Well, it seems a little too quiet."
"Hey Jack."
"Yes?"
"If you look in the distance, you can see Shania Fau Biggs' house over there."
"Where?"
"Over there."
"I can't see."
"Look closer."
It so happens, Jack is a fan of the rock group The Hair, one of the Shania's former acquisitions. Jill gently pushes Jack closer to specific spot on the railing.
Jack squints his eyes trying to find one of Shania's many houses. He leans on the railing and notices that it seems lose.
Jill smiles sinisterly. She quietly takes a couple steps back. She makes a running start and shoves Jack hard from behind. The section of the railing collapses easily and Jack falls down into the hills.
Satisfied, Jill turns and heads back to the drawing room. Becky starts to creep out until shots are fired at her. She quickly looks up to see Jill with her gun drawn at her.
"Shit! She knows!" Becky cursed.
"Gingerbread Grrl!" Mira cried to her walkie-talkie. "What's going on?"
Ginger looks at a live video feed being fed to her black IBM laptop. "Jill is shooting at Becky!" she yelled.
"Crimson Hood! Crimson Hood!"
Red runs up the hill shoots at Jill. Jill dodges all the shots and runs after Becky. Becky jumps out of hiding and dives into the hallway.
"Jill is after Grandma!" cried Red.
"Ow, my head," groans a voice.
Red looks down and sees that Jack has landed safely on the camouflaged inflatable mattress, although he has hit is head on a rock.
"Who are you guys?" he asked.
"Mister Jack Stool," Mira said as she comes to his aide.
"Hey, you're that maid."
Mira silences him by sedating him with a shot from her tranquilizer pistol to the neck.
Inside the house, Jill keeps Becky at bay with her gun while heading towards her bedroom.
"You're not getting away!" she yelled. Jill presses the panic button located on the wall next to her bed. It does not light up and none of her guards respond.
Then she tries to dial a number on her cell phone. Then she looks at the screen and finds that there is no service due to Ginger's jamming.
"Damnit!" she yelled. Jill grabs her keys, reloads her gun, and makes her way downstairs.
She barely dodges two throwing knives at the last step. Becky is fast on her trail. After shooting a couple of shots, she then runs into the garage. Jill spots Ginger and begin to shoot at her. Ginger shields herself with her laptop and drops down to the ground. The garage door opens. Jill jumps into her Mercedes convertible and drives off. By that time, Becky makes it into the garage.
"She's getting away!" Becky cursed.
"I'll take care of this Grandma!" radioed Red.
Red drops her walkie-talkie as she quickly slides and runs down the hill until she reaches the only road leading up to Jill's mansion. She stands directly in the middle, throws off her silencer, and takes aim at the incoming convertible. Jill pushes down on the accelerator hoping to run over Red. Red stands her ground until suddenly an expensive SUV quickly exits from one of driveways of the large mansions. The Mercedes convertible hits the SUV and sends the unbuckled Jill flying out of the vehicle and onto the incline of a steep hill. She rolls and rolls until she slams into a tree, upon which breaks her neck and lands a serious concussion to her head. She is killed instantly.
Red runs over to check on the occupants of the SUV. They are still dazed. Red begins to knock on the driver's side window.
"Hey, are you guys okay?" Red asked.
The windows roll down. The driver happens to be Rosie O' Donnell. Sitting next to her in the passenger seat is her friend Kelli Carpenter.
"Uh, what just happened?" asked Rosie.
Before Red could explain anything, the passenger files open, and Mira sedates Kelli with her tranquilizer pistol.
"Move aside," said Ginger as she pushes Red out of the way. Ginger immediately sedates Rosie with her tranquilizer pistol.
Becky jumps out of the recently painted blue Volkswagen New Beetle and heads down the steep incline where Jill rolled to. Mira and Red follow her while Ginger pilfers Rosie and Kelli's money and credit cards from their purses.
"Wait for me!" Ginger cried. Right before she left, Ginger places Rosie and Kelli's hands straight into each other's crotches, and then runs away chuckling.
Ginger finally joins up with the rest of her colleagues at the bottom of the incline just as Mira finishes checking Jill's pulse.
"She's dead," she said.
"Aw, man," exclaims Ginger, "I wanted to do her in."
"Let's go girls," announced Becky. She, Red, and Mira climb the incline back to their car. With them gone, Ginger kicks Jill's body twice in the stomach.
"Cunt," she cursed. Ginger immediately joins up with the rest of her group--after one good stomping on Jill's head.
With Jack's safety and Jill's death secured, Becky and the girls drive back home on the long, desolate highway.
"Another job done thanks to my leadership and expert hacking skills," boasted Ginger, who was sitting the back seat with Red.
"Ahem," coughed Becky, who is sitting in the front passenger seat. Mira is driving.
"Almost forgot--thanks to the help of sword-wielder Sis."
"Sis?"
"Who's Sis?" Red asked.
Ginger points to Becky. "Sis is Sis. No question about it."
"Kind of like how Mira sometimes calls Grandma 'Becky' or 'Miss Wolfe'?"
"Something like that."
"Jeez, I gotta find that glass slipper," groaned Becky.
"Not to worry Sis. The Gingerbread Grrl is on the case!"
"No one asked you to come. In fact, you were supposed to watch the store."
"Ha! You girls can't get by without my superior Assassin-Mercenary skills!"
"You don't have any skills! All you do is piss people off, hide behind my back, literally piss on people, and then let me do all the work! Besides, you're a lousy shooter."
"If you only you would have given me a real gun," Ginger grumbled.
Becky can recount Red's impromptu training of Ginger a couple of days ago. Ginger was given a rapid-fire assault rifle to use against a line of targets, most of which consist of old Robotech toys--more precisely they were the transforming mech-robot figures plucked off from the old school anime room of the cabin. Sure, Ginger can disable the safety and pull the trigger, but she did not hit any of the targets. Ginger complained that she needed a smaller gun, and so Red gave her a Berretta pistol. Ginger fired all the shots and cannot hit a single target. Then she immediately got angry and started smashing the Robotech toys with her gun.
Back on the road, Ginger continues her boasting.
"You're just jealous of my superior intellect, Sis," said Ginger.
"Stop calling me Sis," Becky complains.
"Not unless you admit that I'm the top Assassin-Mercenary."
"You really think this is game, do you?"
"As long as I have fun, life is a game. Pow! Pow! Pow!"
"Fine, but don't cry to me when you get tortured by a cannibalistic sadist."
It is going to be a long eight-hour drive back to their secluded cabin in Tennessee, so the girls take four-hour shifts as drivers. It is customary for the driver to listen to their own music as a means to keep their focus on the road. Mira, who is the first driver in the shift, listens to incomprehensible Pakistani pop music. The rest of the girls did not mind Mira's music--yet.
Becky's shift soon came up. Likewise, so did her taste in music, which consists of hard metal and goth rock. This makes her drive fast.
Hours later Becky gives up the wheel to Ginger. Luckily, Ginger and Becky's taste in music overlap, so there was no need for a disc shuffle at the shift change. However, Ginger's preferred music genres is a little more broad and diverse, as evidenced by the hip-hop, alternative rock, and a sample of reggae at the last two hours of her shift.
But the worst riding experience came when it was Red's turn to drive. Along with not having driving experience or a driver's license, Red's music consists of shallow pop musicians and pop groups. Everyone was wide-awake at and scared beyond their wits. Becky had to restrain Ginger from attempting to claw out Red's face with her prized Britney Spears CDs. Mira became a bit jealous since Becky had inadvertently been groping Ginger's breasts the whole time.
Combined with Red's bad driving and bad music, Ginger sometimes screams, "We're gonna die!" That basically sums up that whole ride.
Before she realized it, they arrive home in the evening. Ginger is the first to leap out of the car to kiss the ground. Then she runs inside to get stoned on Red's hallucinogenic cannabis. HLS runs from her doghouse and greets the other girls.
Mira quickly reheats leftovers and the girls eat dinner. After that Becky, Red and Mira had a threesome. HLS watched. As usual, Ginger films the entire action, but she is starting to fall asleep. This probably has been the fifth or fifteenth time she had recorded the threesome, and she is getting bored.
After that, HLS and Ginger retreat to the living room. Ginger begins to upload the latest clips to the external hard drive of the Apple Powerbook. While the video is being transferred, Ginger executes a program to launch a denial-of-service attack on various websites such as Amazon.com and some national cat-lover's site. While all this is being done, she sits down on the couch and starts to fall asleep. HLS jumps and lies down on the other couch.
Soon after, a tired and quasi-naked Mira lumbers downstairs and makes tea in the kitchen. She then takes her tea into the living room and spots Ginger snoring. Mira quietly puts her tea on the living room table where all the computers and guns are at and sits on the same couch as Ginger. With her heart beating rapidly, Mira slowly scoots over to Ginger and then puts her arm around her. Right when Mira gropes Ginger's breast, Ginger snaps out of a dream, throws her arms outward and hits Mira's nose, thus causing it to bleed.
"Don't touch my stuff, n00bs!" Ginger cried. She looks over to the quasi-naked Mira who is pinching her bloody nose.
"Oh, it's you Mira. You know, you shouldn't sit next to a sleeping person. They usually have a tendency to hit things and stuff."
Minutes later Mira slows down her nosebleed to a stop with a tissue from a tissue box that was meant to clean up masturbation stains.
"Did it stop bleeding?" Ginger asked.
"I think so," replied Mira.
"I'm surprised to be in a presence of a Pakistani lesbian--let alone a Muslim lesbian."
"I guess I am a rare breed."
"Well, after looking through the footage, I noticed that you don't seem to be enjoying the threesome."
"What? What are you talking about? Of course I enjoy having sex with Becky and Red."
"Most of the time, you three are always in a position where Becky pussy-grinds you while you give oral to Red. And I can see in your expression that you are getting tired of it."
Mira looks around, hoping that Becky and Red are not nearby and listening.
"You're right," Mira started, "I haven't been enjoying threesomes lately."
"So are you getting tired of the two? Becoming straight again? Did they blackmail you or something?"
"Neither. I owe them my life, and I love them very dearly. It's just that..."
"What?"
"All I want is to have a serious one-on-one sexual relationship with another woman!"
"Um, that doesn't explain anything."
"I just want to have sex with Becky or Red, but not Becky and Red."
"Then, threesomes are not your thing."
"No, I don't mind threesomes. But doing it three times a day on almost everyday of the week just gets redundant and boring. Sometimes, the two of them miscount and we end up doing four threesomes a day... sometimes five... or six... or fifteen."
"Fifteen? Damn! You girls must've been using some Double-E to achieve that number."
"I am the one who manufactured the drug."
"You did?"
Ginger quickly turns away from Mira and using the To-Do List application she writes a quick little reminder on her new 3com Palm Pilot device:
Note to self: exploit the profit potential of Pakistani Girl's ability to make Double-E. Also, ask her if she can make knockoff Viagra pills. I smell a moneymaker here.
"Ginger?" Mira called.
Ginger turns back around and smiles.
"Mira, you need to have more confidence and stand up for yourself," she said. "If you don't want any more threesomes, you need to tell them that."
"Well, I..."
"You're not gonna get what you want with that attitude. I want you to march back up to their bedroom and tell them 'I'm Mira Rama, and I'm not gonna be in any more of your stupid threesomes ever again!'"
"You're right! Even though I'm a dropout college student with an expertise in chemistry and maybe in biology, I still have to set rules and boundaries for myself and others!"
Mira throws herself forward and hugs Ginger tightly while rubbing her face against hers.
"Ginger, you've been a great help!" Mira said.
"Yeah, sure," said Ginger.
Mira continues to hug Ginger. As she does so, the quasi-naked Mira starts to rock herself and Ginger back and forth while making quiet moaning noises.
"Mm, mm."
"Okay."
"Mm, mm."
"Okay, Mira."
"Mm, mm."
"You can stop."
"Mm, mm."
"You can stop now."
"Mm, mm."
"Stop hug-humping me."
"Oh, sorry! I'll be on my way."
"Go get 'em."
Mira leads off the couch and rushes up to the master bedroom to declare to Becky and Red that she will not have another threesome--for a while at least. Ginger listens carefully.
"Miss Wolfe, Red," Mira said. "I have to tell you something."
"Hey, Mira," said Becky. "Would you like to go for another round?"
"...oh, okay."
Ginger sighs and groans.
"Jeez," she said. With the video already captured into the external hard drive, Ginger gets back on her feet and then grabs the digital camcorder and the tripod.
"Ginger!" yelled Becky.
"I'm way ahead of you!" Ginger yelled back. She looks at the yawning HLS. "Let's go."
HLS leaps off the couch and follows Ginger upstairs as she starts to film another threesome of Becky, Red, and Mira.
There had been two or maybe three more threesomes for the remainder of the night. Becky, Red, and Ginger lost count on how many was done, and Mira simply gave up counting.
One next day, the girls (minus Ginger and HLS) had another threesome after breakfast. After that, Becky takes the Beetle over to the Soul Food Bar to receive her payment from Gottmutter for saving Jack from Jill, thus preventing him from rolling down the Hills and mortally breaking his crown. At the same time, Becky asks her on the status of Glass Slipper.
"My people are very close in narrowing it down," Gottmutter replied.
"Hmm, where have I heard that before?" Becky said.
"You can't rush these things, dear Becky. It's not easy looking for a rare glass slipper."
Becky then hugs Gottmutter goodbye, tips Julie the pretty bartender, and leaves the Soul Food bar. She immediately drives straight back to Red's General Store and passes by the front.
The store now has a flashy red neon sign spelling out "Red's" in a stylized script. Most of the store remains intact, except for a few additions such as a special CD recording kiosk for making custom mix CD's, a more diverse magazine rack, and more exotic foods. Business is booming partly because of this.
The main attraction, however, is the cute little owner dressed in a cute Catholic schoolgirl-like uniform who is humbly sweeping her broom endlessly as well as smiling and saying hello to anyone who passes by. The reason for this is because this is the only thing Red can do after the many mishaps that plagued the grand opening.
Red initially volunteered to be the stock girl for inside, but instead she ends up breaking almost every item she got her hands on. The acting store manager, Becky, decided to reassign her to be the storeroom girl, and again Red ended up causing a mess by toppling, breaking, and sometimes igniting the stacks of boxes. Red was then assigned to be janitor, but she ended up creating a bigger mess instead of cleaning. She tried to assist Mira in the café kitchen, but she ended up blowing up most of the store. After a hasty repair, Red was assigned to be a cashier, but that didn't work out too well due to this one and only incident:
A young couple had finished shopping and took their items to Red the cashier. After grossly miscalculating the total, Red tried to open the cash drawer by randomly pressing button after button. This amused the couple because Red looks cute when she is frustrated. Their amusement soon turned to shock and horror as Red decided to pry open the cash drawer with a shotgun. Red blasted the cash register, and the paper bills flew and fluttered about. Red jumped and caught the falling bills so she can give change to the young couple. However, she was short a couple of coins. Red then puts away her shotgun and grabbed her rocket launcher needed to open the safe and get more change. By that time, Becky and the other girls prevented Red from destroying the store for the second time.
Becky parks the Beetle at the back of the general store and goes inside. After changing into her store uniform, which also looks like a Catholic schoolgirls outfit, Becky does a quick survey of the storeroom, and then goes through the kitchen where a batch of cornbread is currently cooking while Mira is away taking orders at the café. She then meets up with Ginger who is judiciously performing her duties as a cashier.
"Yo, Manager Sis!" Ginger greeted.
"How's everything going?" Becky asked.
"So far, so good. Red has not broken her broom yet--or manage to catch it on fire."
"Has the magazines arrived yet?"
"They're in the box over there."
"All right."
Becky hauls the box over to the magazine rack and opens it up. She immediately stocks the second top-most row with the new issues of Maxim, a popular men's magazine that accounts for a good chunk of the sales. Also on the racks are Penthouse, Playboy, Hustler, Animerica, XY, Girlfriends (Mira's favorite), High Times, 2600 (Ginger's favorite), and Highlights (Red's favorite).
"Thank you, come again," Ginger smiled at the leaving customers she had just rang up.
As Becky organizes the magazine rack, she looks over to Ginger, who seems to be enjoying her position very well. Little does she know that Ginger is discreetly ripping off every customer that makes a purchase for she has installed a special mod chip that slightly overcharges the grand total. Almost every time a customer leaves while reading a receipt, they would often stop in front of the store and stare at it for many minutes. Then they look at the smiling and cute Red who is sweeping away in blissful delight. Thus, they shrug their shoulders and walk off thinking that it was their imagination that they have been overcharged.
Sometimes, there are customers who have noticed this and kindly complained to the cashier, Ginger. Ginger would use many tricks to convince them that the total is absolute, such as ringing up the item that was just purchased, which ends up being slightly more expensive than market value. She would often use this opportunity to squelch a couple more cents from them.
Sometimes, the moderately aggressive customers would attempt to talk down to Ginger. Ginger would then call in the owner (Red) to the register to mediate the issue.
"Red," Ginger would say, "I tried to tell them, but they still say that the grand total is wrong."
"The grand total is wrong?" Red would say. "Oh no! How could this be? I'm such a bad owner!"
Red's eyes would start welling up with tears as she beats her own head. The moderately aggressive customer would then receive stares from others and become embarrassed and guilt-ridden for making Red cry. They then apologize to her, pay the slightly overcharged grand total plus a generous tip and then go off on their way. Afterwards, Red stops crying, and Ginger quietly high-fives her.
Once in a while, there is an aggressive customer (most of which are women) who would not believe Ginger's convincing lies and Red's puppy dog eyes. Today is one of these days as an irritable white middle-aged woman with a grossly large butt engage in a fierce shouting match against Ginger over the actual price of a bag of Tootsie Rolls[i].
"I've been Tootsie Roll fan for twenty years," screamed the large butt woman, "and you are overcharging me five cents for this bag!"
"Let me put it to you in simple words," Ginger said. "You're a--cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt!"
"I demand to see the manager!"
Becky sneaks up from behind Ginger.
"What's the problem?" Becky asked them.
"Thank God you are here," said the large butt woman, "this brat is overcharging me five cents for this pack of Tootsie Roll bag!"
"Is that true?"
"Of course not!" replied Ginger. "That bitch is getting the prices off some crappy price comparison web search engine!"
Becky looks at Ginger, then at the large butt woman, and then back at Ginger. She puts her hand on Ginger's shoulder.
"Excuse me," said Becky.
Becky pulls Ginger from the cash register and pushes her into the office. She slams the door shut and closes the window shades. As the large butt woman and the other customers watch, they suddenly hear a succession of loud smacking noises and the painful whelps of Ginger. One minute later, they emerge from the office. Ginger walks towards the register while rubbing her butt. Becky follows her while flexing her right hand. Ginger then rings up the correct price of the Tootsie Rolls bag and the large butt grudgingly pays up and leaves without saying a word.
"Come back again you bitch," Ginger said.
"Next time, don't get caught," Becky whispered to Ginger.
All of a sudden, they hear a snap. Red frantically runs into the store.
"Grandma! Grandma!" she cried as she waves two wooden sticks in the air. "I broke my broom!"
Becky and Ginger groan. Becky immediately gets another broom so Red can go outside and look cute and attract customers.
As closing time draws near, one of their frequent customers, Ms. Mumbles, arrives to buy her copy of the magazine Redbook along with her two identical twin female poodles. The reason she is called Ms. Mumbles is that whenever comes out of the general store, HLS would spring from hiding and immediately penetrate the two poodles with her double dildo strap-on. Ms. Mumbles would then start yelling and whelping incoherently. Red, who is a constant witness to this strange act, would continue sweeping and smiling. Sometimes, she would nod and attempt to converse at the babbling Ms. Mumbles. Despite all this, Ms. Mumbles continues to shop at Red's General Store. It is the only place to buy Redbook due to an outdated Cold War-era town statute banning that particular magazine for supposedly spreading Communist propaganda.
As expected, Ms. Mumbles leaves the store and HLS springs out from hiding to fuck the brains of out of her poodles.
At the same time, the resident crackhead Joe and his extremely masculine transvestite boyfriend (er, "girlfriend") Davina catch sight of this as they proceed to check out. They are purchasing a bondage magazine, some cigarettes, beer, and Red's hallucinogenic cannabis through Ginger.
"Whoa," said Crackhead Joe, "that Doberman pincher is doin' two poodles at once."
"I know," Ginger droned as she rang up his items.
"That would mean he would have two dicks," added the deep-voiced Davina.
"Yep. 'He' does have two dicks."
"Man, I wish I was a dog with two dicks," exclaimed Crackhead Joe.
"I wish I had two dicks, honey," said Davina.
"Wait a minute--the two of us have two dicks all together!"
"But it would rock if we had two dicks each."
"That would mean we would have four dicks all together!"
Though tempted to smack them up, Ginger quietly restrains herself and declines to comment on the use of four dicks in an already sickening gay relationship between two famished drug addicts.
The girls finally close the store around 7 o'clock. Sometimes they close it earlier if there are very few people left. Usually, they leave Red continually sweeping outside in the front as reminder that the store is closed and that they should come again.
After closing time, Becky and Mira join up with Ginger who is counting their profits and balancing other budgets.
"I think we still need to swindle a thousand dollars more from them," Ginger said.
"You're such a greedy brat," said Becky.
"The uneducated masses deserve to be exploited!"
"Fine. I'm not backing you up when the angry mob arrives."
"There's no way they can catch me! I'm the Gingerbread Grrl!"
Ginger proceeds to sit down on the stool in the café. Then suddenly--
"Oh fuck! My butt!"
Becky turns back to Ginger, Mira inadvertently becomes wet and red-faced.
"Damnit Sis!" cried Ginger as she rubs her ass semi-seductively. "Why did you have to spank me so hard?"
"Sheesh, I only tapped you."
As Mira's hearts starts beat passionately, Red comes running into the store with two flaming sticks.
"Grandma! Grandma!" Red yelled. "The broom's on fire!"
No one bothered to ask how the hell Red ignited her second broom, as they are busy preventing her from putting it out with propane fuel. For the second time, Red blows up a good portion of her own general store. Luckily, everyone survives the blast unscathed.
It's a good thing we have Gingerbrat, Becky thought to herself as she writes down the damage and repair estimates.
Usually, a day in the general store went like that.
They took the next day off, which is a Friday--a day which they usually make a lot of sales. However, the girls take a lot of days off and they cite real excuses such as the reconstruction and the repair of the store, assassination/mercenary/protection jobs, or lame excuses as indicated by the amusing handwritten "We're Closed Because..." signs. Some examples of these signs include "Don't Feel Like It", "Not Sober Enough", "Too Stoned", and the often used "Havin' a Tribade Orgy" (very few people in town know what a Tribade is, and at least half know what an orgy is). Despite these frequent and irresponsible store closures, Red's General Store remains very profitable thanks to Ginger's "financial" genius.
So Becky and the others decide to goof off all day in between the usual threesomes. Everyone is outside. Becky sits on the picnic table mediating with gummi bears plugged into her ears. Mira is doing laundry, HLS chews and rips apart a realistic-looking dildo given by Joe the Crackhead, while the newly formed playmates of destruction Ginger and Red play with Robotech action figures. At the same time, a flashy high-powered CD boombox blares out a frequent mix and a deadly combination of American and Pakistani pop music.
"Hey there, Lynn Minmei!" yelled the Rick Hunter doll, played by Ginger. "Let's get it on!"
"Fuck off!" cried the Lynn Minmei doll, played by Red. "I found someone better than you!"
"Fine! I'll go see Lisa Hayes!" Ginger moves Rick Hunter over to the Lisa Hayes doll, which is also played by Red.
"Hey there, Lisa! How 'bout you and me?"
"No way!" said the Lisa Hayes doll. "I'm gonna have hot tribade sex with Minmei!"
The Lisa Hayes and Lynn Minmei dolls start making out.
"Fine!" cried the Rick Hunter doll. "Then I'll just fulfill every fangirls' wet dream by having hot Yaoi sex with Roy Fucker--I meant, Fokker!"
Rick turns around to see a mess of charred melted plastic.
"Roy? Nooo! What has happened to you?"
"A cruel fate this is!" moaned Roy Fokker, which is voiced by Ginger. "The Zentraedi bastards done me in with their new weapons: Battleship Blow Torch and the Battlepod Magnifying Glass!"
"Oh, woe is me! I have no choice but to commit suicide--by bat!"
Ginger takes up a wooden bat and starts to demolish the Rick Hunter doll mercilessly. Soon enough, Red takes her bat and starts whacking the Lisa Hayes and Lynn Minmei dolls. Even though it is thoroughly melted, Ginger also beats the Roy Fokker doll. It breaks into charred pieces.
Red and Ginger then use their bats to sweep the broken action figures into a hole where the rest of the demolished Robotech toys lay.
"Now let's go blow up the Voltron dudes with firecrackers!" said Ginger.
"Okay!" said Red.
Red and Ginger drop their bats and start heading back to the house. However, they stop before a meditating Becky.
"Say, Red," said Ginger. "Have you ever disturbed Sis during her meditation?"
"I'm not sure."
"Let's see if she'll respond."
Ginger picks up a small rock and hurls it at Becky's head. Becky does not flinch.
"Damn."
"Miss Baker," Mira said, "it is futile to break Miss Wolfe's meditation--ow!"
A rock hits Mira's head.
"Did you say something, Mira?" Ginger asked as she retracts her throwing arm.
"Grandma, Mira, and I have found a way to rub our clits together simultaneously," said Red.
Ginger glares at Red for uttering such a perverse revelation. Then she decks her head with another small rock.
Becky breaks free from her meditation. She gets on her feet and flexes her whole body. She then takes the gummi bears out of her ears and tosses over to Red.
"Here ya go."
"Ooh! Gummi Bears!" cried Red. She immediately eats them and grosses out Ginger.
"I guess I should start preparing supper," said Mira.
"Then we'll have another threesome!" cried Becky.
"Threesome! Threesome!" cried Red.
"Uh, sure," said Mira.
"Isn't this like the 20th time already?" said Ginger.
At that moment, Becky's favorite CD comes up on the boombox.
"It's my favorite song!" she cried. "Mosh pit!"
Becky leaps off the picnic table towards Mira, Ginger, and Red. The three girls step back to allow Becky to land face down on the ground. She slowly lifts her head up and wipes the dirt off her face.
"Jeez guys, you were supposed to catch me."
"Like we're gonna catch your fat ass, Sis," said Ginger.
One of Becky's pet peeves is being called "Olde Wolfe Ears." Being referred to as a fat ass is another. Immediately, Becky sweeps Ginger off the ground, pulls down her pants and underwear, places her in a prone position, and starts spanking her exposed butt. This went on for minutes, and soon Ginger's surprisingly amiable butt became red. At the same time, Mira becomes wet, and Red goes inside to get explosive fireworks.
The spanking is thus done. Ginger pulls her pants back up and starts rubbing her swollen butt.
"One of these days, Sis, I'm gonna get back at you!" cursed Ginger.
"Whatev'," said Becky.
Suddenly, they hear multiple crackling explosions. Almost instinctively, Becky, Mira, and Ginger run into the house to quell the destruction. Luckily, the damage caused by Red's mishandling of anything explosive (or flammable) is minimal, although one of the couches in the living room have finally given up the ghost and then collapse into mess of charred wood and upholstery. This is probably the fifth couch they went through. The third one had to be replaced due to numerous female ejaculation stains.
On the next working day during the opening of Red's General Store, Red puts up a whiteboard next to the bulletin board. Ginger notices this and sees that it has already been written with the five rules of Assassin-Mercenary Methodology. However, rules number four and five are left blank.
"Why are rules four and five blank?" Ginger asked.
"That's for Grandma to fill out," replied Red. "She's always thinking about adding to the three existing ones."
"I see, I see."
Ginger picks up the green dry-erase marker that hung from a string and fills out the blank rules. The fourth rule now reads "The smartest and the prettiest, the Gingerbread Grrl, gets 60% of the profits." The fifth rule now reads "Ginger r0X0rz!"
"Much better!"
"What does R, zero, X, zero, R, and Z mean?" Red asked.
"It's leet-speak for..."
"Ahem," coughs Becky.
Ginger and Red turn around to see that Becky is behind them.
"About the new rules," Becky started.
"Huh? What do you mean?" asked Ginger.
Ginger looks back the Assassin-Mercenary Methodology rules. She reads through number four and five again.
"Sorry about that, Sis," she said. "I guess I got carried away."
Ginger completely erases number five. Becky is still not satisfied.
"What is it now? Something wrong with rule four?' said Ginger. "I guess I was a little too carried away."
Ginger erases half of rule four, the part that says "The smartest and the prettiest."
"There!"
"Come with me to the office," Becky ordered.
"Oh, no," said Ginger. "I'm not gonna fall for that again."
Ginger's resistance is futile as Becky successfully shoves her back into the office. Red stands nearby listening in.
"Is Becky spanking Ginger again?" asked a delightful Mira.
Red nods. Minutes later, Becky emerge out of the office with Ginger, who is rubbing her swollen butt. Neither of them realized that Mira has both her hands soaking in her wet crotch.
After masturbating or something similar, Mira would always forget to wash her hands before she cooks food to serve in the café. Though her cooking is nothing special, every one of her customers unanimously regards her food as superb. On the rare occasions where she does wash her hands, her patrons will find something wrong with her cooking, and the complaint would be that the unique taste was somehow gone.
Today is a slow day, despite the repeat appearances of Ted the record store storeowner, Commissioner White, Deputy Black, Crackhead Joe, Davina, and Ms. Mumbles. This is the time when Ginger is at her worst, because there is not enough people to swindle.
"This day sucks," she would say.
As she was doing her "job", Red notices a light blue Mercedes sedan pulling up to the parking lot. Out comes the well-dressed and pretty black driver, Julie, who is also the bartender of the Soul Food Bar. Julie then walks over to open the rear doors. Out comes a large black woman, Venus Gottmutter. Julie then leads Gottmutter over to the front entrance of Red's General Store.
"Good afternoon, Princess," Gottmutter greeted to Red.
"Hello, big black lady!" Red said.
Meanwhile, Ginger starts scratching indecipherable messages on the checkout counter with a hobby knife. The bell on the front door jingles. Ginger looks up see Julie holding the door for a well-dressed Gottmutter.
She's black, thought Ginger, but look at the bling bling[ii] she's got on. That means she's a Republican!
"Welcome to Red's!" smiled Ginger. "Is there anything you need?"
"I would like to see the manager," said Gottmutter.
Ginger is on the defensive.
"Uh, don't blame me for the price of the shrimp I sold," exclaimed Ginger. "That was my manager's idea! She made me do it! I take no responsibility for the death of Bubba-Gump's senior financial officer!"
"We just wanted to see Miss Rebecca Wolfe," said Julie. "Miss Venus Gottmutter is a friend of hers."
"Oh. Um, I'll go get her."
Ginger heads over to the office and finds Becky finishing another bottle of beer.
"A Venus Gottmutter is here to see you," Ginger said.
"Close the shop," slurred Becky as she stumbles to the door.
"What excuse should I write down?"
"Make somethin' up!"
"Gotcha."
All the customers are herded out of the store, and all the girls are called inside. Ginger locks the front door and puts a sign that reads "Go Away! We're havin' a 'business' meeting!"
Gottmutter and Becky sit across from each other on the café table while Red, Mira, Ginger, and Julie surround them. Julie quickly explains to the other girls that Venus Gottmutter is the undisputed "Godmother" of the underworld and contract killings--at least in the western world.
"I usually don't go out of my way to see you, but I bring you great news," said Gottmutter.
"You've found the whereabouts of the other half of the slipper?" Becky asked.
Gottmutter nods. She then signals to Julie to hand over to Becky a sheet of paper. Becky looks over it and becomes confused.
"What is this?" she asked.
"It's a list," replied Gottmutter.
"List of what?"
"A list of places where the scattered fragments of the shattered glass slipper."
"Fuck, you've got to be kidding me!"
"It was a lot of work to find those locations. At least three of my operatives were killed and many others wounded when obtaining information on the locations."
Becky sighs. "Well, I guess we'll have to put it together ourselves."
Becky looks at her compatriots and decides that Mira or Ginger should reassemble the glass slipper fragments.
"Since this is a personal job, you know you won't get paid," said Gottmutter.
"I'm aware of that," said Becky.
"However, I will fund the travel expenses at the very least."
"That is fine."
Julie and Gottmutter bid Becky and her friends adieu. Just as they come out of the general store, they come across HLS shagging Ms. Mumbles' two female poodles with her double dildo strap-on. Ms. Mumbles is at the scene yelling something incoherent at the two black women. Julie and Gottmutter shrug their shoulders and walk away.
Back inside, Becky and the girls are nervous at the anticipation of their new quest.
"A glass slipper, huh?" said Ginger. "I hear that it is the key to some treasure."
"You're staying here to watch the store with Mira," said Becky.
"No way I'm gonna pass this up, Sis! Besides, like Gottmutter says, getting the fragments is going to be dangerous, and you need all the help you can get."
"You'll just get in the way."
"Please reconsider taking us with you, Miss Wolfe," pleaded Mira. "We still owe a great debt to you. I know I'm a non-combatant, but the least I can do is cook and take care of you on your quest. I do have some knowledge in medicine and on how to fix bullet wounds."
"Wait, I almost forgot that you're a chemist."
Mira nods.
"Okay, you can come along."
Ginger eagerly awaits Becky's approval.
"All right then, let's get prepared," said Becky.
"What about me?" asked Ginger.
"Forget it. You're loud, anti-social, and plus you can't shoot."
"Why you..."
"It would really be nice if Ginger came along," Mira pleaded as she puts her arms around Ginger. "She can come in handy when dealing with security systems and social engineering. Don't you agree Red?"
Red stands silent until Mira discreetly hits her from behind.
"Oh, yes I agree!" Red said.
Suddenly, HLS trots into the café and sits in front of Becky. She gives her the usual puppy-dog eyes.
"HL-Snagglepuss wants to come too!" announced Red.
"When and how the hell did we form this ragtag group of Assassin-Mercenaries?"
"Because we love you Grandma!"
"She didn't ask 'why' dumbface," muttered Ginger.
"I only allowed you guys to tag along because I felt the jobs were easy," said Becky, "this time, however, I can't make any guarantees. Some of you will get shot, cut, or worse. Are you sure you want to come along?"
"We're with you all the way, Miss Wolfe," said Mira.
"The fools will soon know the full extent and wrath of my unparalleled genius!" roared Ginger.
"Bark!" said HLS.
Red is silent.
"Red-chan," said Becky. "You're supposed to deliver the last line."
"Why Grandma?" asked Red. "Why are you doing this for me?"
"Didn't I explain it to you back at the Ginger Ale House?"
"I forget."
Becky walks over and pulls Red into her bosom. She tenderly brushes her hair.
"I'm doing this because I love you," said Becky.
"Oh, Grandma."
Red melts away in passion. Mira watches them with awe while Ginger gags.
Throughout her life, Becky usually works alone. She would always reject any offer from anyone (most of which are beautiful female assassins) who wants to partner up with her. However, meeting up Red seemed to change everything. Now she's partnered with the unlikeliest albeit flawed girls and a homosexual female dog.
Her ulterior reason for finding the glass slipper is so that Red will stop calling her "Grandma".
--
[i] Tootsie Rolls are small cylindrical chocolate candies that look like [expletive removed].
[ii] Bling bling is a hip-hop slang term that refers to expensive jewelry and other accoutrements (source: wikipedia.org).
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