Mother Güse Must Die
Chapter 26 - Becky Wolfe: A Fuddled Fairy Tale, Part 2
Barrier, smarrier. Sex-Stringed Samurai Avril Lavigne smashed it open with one swing of Space Bass Guitar. Then again, it was an evil barrier, and an evil person like her could just walk through it easily. She just wanted an excuse to use her weapon.
She walked into a courtyard of an old and decrepit Japanese castle. It would be much nice if it weren\'t for the hundreds of demons that inhabited the area, many of which looked more like serpents with skull heads. No matter. Avril had dealt with many monsters in her career as a popular rock star and as an enforcer of the Blonde Order. Using her katana and the Space Bass, she made quick work of them as she made her way towards the front entrance. Whenever she struck a demon with her guitar, a cute and harmless creature popped out of their heads. As for the demon\'s heads, they exploded. They were already dead... two minutes ago.
That was the power of Space Bass Guitar. Initially, it was thought only robots popped out of heads, but truth be told, the guitar had the power of "Inversion". What this meant an "opposite" of the creature whose head was struck would pop out. For example, if she hit the head of a giant rampaging robot, a harmless human would pop out, etc. The effects varied, but all in all Avril had command of any creature that popped out of heads.
Anywho, Avril made it to the darkened receiving chamber where a handsome man in Japanese sat waiting. Beside him was red-eyed woman in a colorful kimono wielding a fan, and other was a white-haired white-robed girl of ten of so holding an ornate mirror.
"Donut-grinder," said Kanna the mirror-wielder.
"Don\'t mind her," said Naraku. "Clearly, you\'re not from this era."
"Of course not, but I have been sent by the Order of Rich, Dumb, Blonde, and Whorish to prevent a certain event from happening."
"What would a mere human like you have to offer me?"
"You heard about the demon sword known as the Tsukiseiki that sleeps at the top of Mount Yuri, have you?"
"Yes I have. Numerous times I have tried to penetrate the barrier and sent many of my detachments to break it. On the full moon when the barrier lifts, the demons go out of control, making it very difficult for me to climb."
"Or maybe you\'re just lazy."
"While the sword is powerful, it is not the reason why I want to climb that mountain."
"The Sacred Jewel Shard. I know all about your search for it."
"So you can help me retrieve it?"
"I know how you don\'t like to get your hands dirty, but I need your shards to help me break with my combined power. You can get the fragment, and I can get the sword. Is that a deal?"
"How will I know that you won\'t backstab once you get the Tsukiseiki?"
"I won\'t use the Tsukiseiki--I need to destroy it. The others who have arrived here have powers beyond the one known as Kagome. In fact, there is one whose evil rivals yours. But think about this: where I come from, you don\'t exist. Your so-called immortality is futile against that important fact known as inevitability. If you exist, then my employer will happily ally you in conquering this country--or the entire world if you will."
"Sound\'s tempting, but I prefer to have my own little spot to rule in Japan."
"As for me assisting you, I\'ll only send you my detachments. The first will be Kagura, the mistress of wind. The second is Kanna, wielder of the Soul Mirror. And the third will be Dufitsu."
Avril had just realized that there was fourth individual hidden poorly in black clothes and bandages at the corner of the chamber. He was tall and potbellied, and he had a mentally challenged look on his face. Prominent on his belly was a spider-shaped scar. His finger was in his mouth, and he muttered, "duuu" at random intervals.
"I studied one semester of Japanese in college," said Avril, "but Dufitsu sounds a lot like \'doofus\'."
"He\'s not exactly a detachment I\'m proud about," blushed Naraku, "but at least he doesn\'t piss me off like some others... COUGH-Kaguraisabitch-COUGH."
"Ass," Kagura muttered.
"As for the lending of my Shikon jewel fragments, I\'ll lend you half in order to break the barrier and walk on the grounds without being affected by the mountain\'s unique demonic properties."
With his femininely fine fingernails, Naraku broke his hemispherical half of the jewel and threw into Avril\'s hand.
"Don\'t fail me now," he said. "I\'d like to rule this pitiful land without effort if you\'ll please."
As an apology for causing misery to the men of Kagome\'s group, Becky and her crew decided to stop at the nearest inn rented at sharp discount thanks to Miroku\'s grifting and Becky wooing of the local womenfolk. It made Miroku envious of her skills, yet confused. Here was a pretty and tall tomboy whose breasts was the work of legends, but he says that about everybody. But the moment he was about to ask for advice from her (and put on the boom-chika moves on her), Miroku was promptly whacked by the ass-big boomerang wielded by Sango.
As best as she could, Becky explained to. Her newfound friends the reason why she was in the Japanese feudal era, although there were frequent breaks of her bawling over the loss of Red-chan and her groping every pretty young Japanese hostess, often at the same time. Kagome and her crew swore they have just witnessed a male Miroku, but I digress. However, the Inuyasha group were simply speechless at the trials Becky and her group had go through in past year.
"Who the fuck are you people?" Kagome exclaimed. "I can\'t believe all of you haven\'t been tried for genocide!"
"I\'m pretty sure the people I killed were rapists or child molesters," replied Becky. "Or both."
"How do you know for sure?"
"Um, they were attacking me? First rule yo. First rule."
"And you," said Kagome, pointing to Ginger the Calm. "You stole more money than the entire US debt!"
"Me?" Ginger blinked prettily. "But I realized the error of my error of my ways and donated it to charity."
"You used that money to build a space ark on the moon," Becky corrected.
"That\'s to save the all the animals and all the children of the world in the impending disaster."
"No, you were planning to sell them off in the black market in whole or in pieces."
"I am sad Miss Wolfe. We\'ve been best friends for years, and you still aren\'t convinced of my dreams of world charity?"
"I\'ve only known you for a year! Goddess, I\'m gonna spank your ass once we get back to our time."
"As you wish. If it will assuage your anger at yourself, I\'ll accept any punishment handed down to me."
"I think I might do that now. But first, I\'ll need to speak with the sexy innkeeper\'s daughter. Be right back."
From their bamboo tatami suite, Becky waltzed out. A few seconds later, Miroku, who had left to go to the bathroom (it was a lie), was booted back in the suite, much to the anger of demon-hunter ninja girl Sango who walloped him with the ass-big boomerang for fraternizing with the sexy innkeeper\'s daughter. Giggles from Becky and the girl were heard from the kitchen, along with the banging of Japanese pots and pans.
"So Kagome," said Mira. "You yourself are looking for a rare artifact."
"Here\'s the thing," said Kagome. "It was inside of me, and then I lost it, and it broke into pieces. You see, a long time ago--"
"For Goddess\'s sake," said Ginger. "How long have you been visiting the past?"
"A couple of weeks maybe."
"And you\'ve been meddling with the past all along? Look at all this: potato chip bags, cereal boxes, gum wrappers, yaoi manga. It\'s bad enough that you\'re here yourself and pooping Shikon jewels out of your ass."
"It\'s not my fault! Some centipede lady molested me to the past! Then stuff happened and the Shikon jewel broke into pieces."
"It was your fault by the way," said Inuyasha.
"Nothing I can do about it but get all pieces in order to destroy it." After burping and finishing a can of Pringles, Kagome threw the can out the window.
"KAGOME!" yelled an American man in a ragged military uniform. "YOU CAN\'T DO THAT! THE FUTURE WILL BE CHANGED! YOU\'LL CREATE A TIME PARADOX!"
"Holy mackerel of Mohammed!" Mira cried. "Who the fuck is this?"
"Oh, that\'s just Crazy Colonel," said Kagome. "He claims to have come from the same era as us, but no matter what we do, he keeps coming back here."
A snake crawled past him, and slithered into a hole in the mat.
"He doesn\'t like snakes by the way," added Kagome.
"Or time paradoxes," said Ginger. "Seriously, you should get your ass back to the present before you ruin it any further."
"Ruin it? You four being here are making it worse! And that dog..."
HLS was shagging a healthy female dog with canine-sized strap on. Looking at the prosthetic nose HLS was wearing, Kagome was reminded of a song:
I want to change the world
Kaze wo kake nukete
Nanimo osorezu ni ima yuuki to
Egao no kakera daite
Change my mind
Jounetsu tayasazu ni
Takanaru mirai e te wo nobaseba
Kagayakeru hazu sa
"Ooh, I got to get V6\'s latest single!" Kagome cried.
"Wobblefett!" HLS barked, and she covered her mouth like Scooby-Doo, but sexier.
"Stop trying to ignore me!" Ginger cried. "I\'m here trying to save Japan!"
"No you\'re not!" cried Kagome. "You only want to preserve Mount Yuri!"
"Kagome, you just want to use the Jewel just to make Mount Yaoi bigger," said Inuyasha.
"Shut up! That\'s not canon!"
Becky had finished her "business" with the innkeeper\'s daughter, and the two entered while tightening their jeans belt or yukata sash.
"I miss Red-chan," sighed Becky.
"Did you have to shag every girl you see?" Ginger asked.
"When I\'m lonely and sad, I get horny and have sex with women."
"BECKY!" cried the Crazy Colonel. "YOU CAN\'T DO THAT! THE INNKEEPER\'S DAUGHTER IS UNDERAGE!"
In the Sengoku era, or rather, in any medieval era where the sword is the law, there is one saying regarding womanhood: When you get the tits, you accept the bits. In the case between two consenting females, the bits are the tits. And pussies. You couldn\'t blame Crazy Colonel. He was raised like all good white Christian Americans in America in the sixties, which is being raised like a white Christian America in the sixties.
Unfortunately the gang became tired of him, Kagome and Inuyasha\'s group especially. With one subtle nod from the Becky, Mira fired a blow dart, quickly putting the white man to sleep. They tied him up, and dropped him into the Bone Eater\'s Well.
"I hope grandpa can keep him busy," said Kagome.
"That takes care of one problem," said Ginger, "but what about all your stuff? I mean, because of you, the people of the past was forced to build landfills for all your trash."
"I\'m environmentally responsible! I sort all my burnables!"
Not far and past the trees were many giant holes, each filled with trash from the modern era. One pile were filled with empty snack bags. Another had a pile of broken pink bicycles. There was also one pile filled with Yakuza corpses. Since Japan in the Sengoku era was like a third world, there were scavengers and children playing and mining the landfill respectively. Especially the Yakuza pile. That was topped off by corpses of the real Herbert Hoover and J. Edgar Hoover.
"They were paying for my tuition," said Kagome, referring to the Yakuza pile. "Besides, I\'m not lugging all the trash back to the present! It\'s already polluted!"
"Why not send it to a well that goes to the future?" Mira asked.
"I tried, but the trash in the future goes to a well that goes to my time, and I have to take that trash along with the trash in my time back here!"
"Then why not dump the trash into a well that goes to the past here?"
"Shut up!" cried Ginger. "We\'re not solving the problem of saving the past! There\'s got to be a well that leads to a gravitational singularity. Is there one in this era?"
The group looked around, thinking hard, whistling softly.
"I do have a hole," said Miroku, raising his right hand.
"I\'m pretty sure we can stuff more than one Yakuza thug in your ass," said Ginger.
"I mean, I have a curse where my right hand sucks anything into the abyss."
"You mean a black hole?"
"Kagome says it acts like that."
"How does that work? Does it compress into a singularity? Do you actually absorb and digest the things that goes into right hand?"
"In that case, grab him guys!" Ginger cried. "We\'re going to do some Hoover-on-Hoover cleaning action!"
"Wait!" Sango cried. "If Miroku absorbs anything poisonous, it will affect him!"
"Then why the hell does still need to eat if he absorbs trees, cows, and all that shit? By the way, I saw him hitting on the women in the village. Including the one-eyed crone."
Angrily, Sango whacked the monk with her ass-big boomerang.
"Let\'s stuff his hole," she growled.
And so, Ginger rigged up wheeled carrier using parts of broken pink bicycles in order to turn Miroku into a bottomless vacuum cleaner. After undoing his beads (prayer beads, not the non-anal kind), they cleaned up the trash Kagome carried over from the future. Sure they might have accidentally sucked up some trees, endangered animal species, and a few unlucky children, but the clean up was necessary.
It was night when they finished. They celebrated at the inn by the munching on the crispy onion rings and beer Kagome had stuffed in her big yellow backpack, and their beloved vacuum cleaner, Miroku, finally woke up as if he was in a very bad hangover.
"Ungh, what happened to me?" Miroku groaned. Suddenly, he threw up semen.
"Sorry about that," said Kagome. "We had to suck up the Crazy Colonel\'s mess in his room."
"How the hell did it go from his Windtunnel to his mouth?" Mira asked.
Once again, Becky did her "business" with the innkeeper\'s daughter, and came back to the suite.
"I miss Red-chan," sighed Becky.
"Holy Moses Sis!" cried Ginger. "We can\'t go anywhere with a bitch shagging another bitch! And we\'re not talking about HLS here! Seriously, you\'re going to get someone pregnant."
"Well, there was that one time in college..."
"Now that I think about," said Sango, "Naraku sent out a female demon who wanted to fuck Miroku\'s holes with a Shikon-enhanced strap-on."
"Yeah, it was nice," said Miroku before he threw up semen again.
"That came from Bill and Ted!" Kagome quipped.
"That reminds of me of the antique Japanese strap on my Jean-chan had during college," said Becky. "I wonder how she\'s doing..."
Meanwhile in the present, Jean Owen Biggs was strolling down Seoul feeling lucky. An American uncle who earned a fortune in South Korea left her a sizable, but not vast fortune right when she landed on the peninsula with her kooky sister, a practitioner of Holistic Cunnilingus, and a female armless gynecologist. Since leaving them in North Korea, her luck couldn\'t be any better. She got rich. She became an honorary citizen of South Korea. She hooked up with a famous Korean actor. She got a new dress. She also won the StarCraft competition.
"I don\'t know if you understand me Sang," said Jean. "All my life has been rife with misfortune. My mother died when she was young, leaving me to be raised by my sisters. I couldn\'t get a boyfriend because everyone thinks I\'m gay ever since preschool. I mean, how could a pretty sista like me be gay? Just because I admire female athletes, read lesbian novels, cross-dress at my birthday party, and watch all-female Japanese musicals doesn\'t make me gay. Right?"
Jean\'s boyfriend replied something to her in Korean, something about him dating Jean just to cover up his homosexuality from the media.
"I love you too, Sang," said Jean.
A black swirling cloud appeared above the couple, opening up a hole from another dimension. From that hole, was of used toilet paper fell on sang, followed by an avalanche of discarded snack bags, yaoi manga, broken pink bicycles, Yakuza corpses, a few Japanese children from the medieval era, etc., eventually topping off with the corpses of the real Herbert Hoover and J. Edgar Hoover. Sang was dead, and Jean hated looking at yaoi manga.
It was just like college, when an antique Japanese strap-on fell on top of her during her sorority initiation. It also reminded her of the demonic wasp infestation during elementary school where everyone but her was stung and had to be seriously hospitalized. The incident killed her teacher, but that was okay because he was a pedophile.
On that moment, Jean\'s luck vanished. Her new and expensive dress was permanently stained. Blizzard Entertainment stripped her of her StarCraft trophy, citing sabotage (it was Ginger\'s fault). Then she was arrested and charged for murder and littering, the latter of which levied the heaviest penalty that required payment equivalent to her uncle\'s inheritance. She was stripped of her honorary citizenship, and when she was being transported to be processed at the U.S. Embassy, the driver got drunk during the drive and inadvertently drove her over the cliff that went over the 38th Parallel. Everybody but Jean died, but don\'t worry. Her escorts were either drug smugglers, persistent wife-beating drunks, or both.
She wandered towards the border checkpoint, where the border guards engaged in an epic stare-down. She needed to get back to the embassy, so she bribed the North Korean guard with a canister of Altoids, and prepared herself to bribe the South Korean guard with the Rolex watch she inherited from her uncle. Unfortunately the South Korean guard shot the watch to pieces.
"Spy!" cried the South Korean border guard, and he began shooting at Jean.
"Damn you Becky!" Jean yelled in utter reflex. She ran away to avoid the gunfire from the guard, flailing her fists as if she wanted to beat a certain woman\'s breasts.
"거부에서 이다!" yelled the North Korean guard.
Jean tripped over a ledge and into the bed of a truck carrying black market goods bearing towards Pyongyang, the North Korean capital.
"Ah, that was a wonderful memory," said Becky. "Since then, the girls in the sorority started propositioning her for sex."
"Warren Buffet!" barked HLS.
"HLS is right," said Ginger. "Now that we cleaned up the trash from the future, we\'ve got to get rid of the cause."
"Hold on!" Kagome cried. "I need to be here to find the Jewel Shards! Only I can do that!"
"All you do is nag Dogboy!"
"Yeah!" Inuyasha cried. "Ever since we met, all you\'ve been telling me is \'Inuyasha, don\'t kill the humans. Inuyasha, don\'t scratch your crotch. Inuyasha, don\'t be a necrophiliac. Inuyasha, don\'t pee on my yaoi manga\'."
"You\'re one to talk!" Kagome retorted. "Every time I\'m gone, you\'re like, \'Boo-hoo, I miss Kagome. I won\'t have pork rinds, so I\'ll starting screwing around with a zombie.\' If you feel that way, then fine! I\'m going back to my era!"
"Just like a married couple," said Mira.
"Yeah," said Miroku, stroking the ninja-girl\'s butt. "I wonder if we\'ll be like that, eh Sango?"
Miroku was thrown to the floor by Sango, and whacked in the head by the ass-big boomerang. Ginger took the boomerang and continued whacking him until he regurgitated more semen.
Then the door to their suite suddenly slid open, and the Crazy Colonel came in, yelling:
"KAGOME! YOU CAN DO THAT! THE FUTURE WON\'T BE CHANGED! YOU WON\'T CREATE A TIME PARADOX!"
"Just like he said," said Ginger.
Mira sedated Crazy Colonel again. The group tied him up and took him to the Bone Eater\'s Well, but when they arrived, the area surrounding was filled with body bags containing Yakuza corpses and one clone of Joe McCarthy. It was so bad that the well\'s opening was clogged up.
"I forgot!" said Kagome. "It\'s Monday, and that\'s when they drop off the bodies!"
"Shit, where is that Miroku guy?" Ginger asked.
"He ran away," said Sango.
"Hopefully flirting with a certain sexy innkeeper\'s daughter."
"That bastard! I\'ll go get him!"
She ran off, riding on top of a demonic cat that breathed fire. Sango was taking too long to retrieve the lecherous monk.
"Is there any other well around this area?" Ginger asked.
"We have something like them," said Kagome. She showed Ginger and her group to another clearing filled strange and exotic machines that weren\'t just from the future (present), but also from alternate universes.
Ginger first knocked on British phone box, and whoever was inside replied curtly in a London accent, "Occupied!"
"Well, Mira nevers!" Ginger remarked.
She went over to phone booth and dialed the number of Esteban, her go-to smuggler, but someone else answered on the other line with single "whoa."
"Who\'s this?" Ginger asked.
Ginger quickly hung up and stepped out. She knocked it over and threw one of Red-chan\'s grenades inside to make it explode.
Then she found a dusty old book written in ancient Chinese, which she had a basic understanding of, and dryly read the latest written page.
"And Miaka stood on the railing watching as her beloved Tamahome stroll into her view. \'Tamanome!\' she yelled. \'Miaka!\' he yelled back."
The page was filled with nothing but the two principal characters yelling out their names to each other. In fact, many of the other pages were filled with the couple yelling each other\'s names. Ginger grew bored and pissed, and promptly burned the book, causing Zombie Alec Guinness, who was retiring in Raccoon City at the present time, to quote:
"I felt a mild disturbance in the force, as if a million fictional characters suddenly cried out in terror and nobody gave a damn. Brains."
There was also a dusty Delorean in the field, but unfortunately Ginger couldn\'t start the car, and it would be pain to go through a well and get gas. There was however a mummified corpse who looked suspiciously like Michael J. Fox in the passenger seat. After she got out, she forgot to apply the parking brake, and the Delorean rolled down the hill, running over a mad and suicidal bandit in the process.
In addition, there were other wells. Very suspicious wells. There were wells made of wood that could only be found in foreign forests. There were naturally forming wells of black wood, and wells that looked like a pulsating sand worm, which as it turns out be a sarlacc pit that swallowed a sand worm part way. Kagome named a few, such as the Hair Sniffer\'s Well, where it leads to a world of Portuguese Missionaries--filled with men who only have sex in the missionary position or else they\'ll die during intercourse. The Pubic Scratcher\'s Well led to a world populated by people afflicted with either hemorrhoids, groin leprosy, or P-Scratcher. The Nose Picker\'s Well led to world populated with bearded women and men who could not grow facial hair. And the Sarlacc Well led to a world populated by pasty and obese Jedi and Jeremy Bulloch.
There was one well that was colored in a fruity yet straight way, and it happened to be the only well that was boarded up.
"Might I ask what this well is?" Mira asked.
"That\'s the Skin Licker\'s Well," replied Kagome. "They say it leads to a horrific world."
"Cool, let\'s open it!" cried Ginger.
"You can\'t! Who knows what evil will cross over!"
"Why can\'t you dump Crazy Colonel in the other wells?" asked Inuyasha.
"Judging by the success you guys have with the usual well," said Ginger, "you\'ll need to dump him in a well that he won\'t be able come back from for at least two days."
"You have a point. Crazy Colonel always show up at the wrong times."
Thus the colorful boards from the Skin Licker\'s Well were removed--carefully. And the unconscious body of Crazy Colonel was dumped in without ceremony, save for the colorful teleportation that occurs when you reach rock bottom. Strangely, the teleportation had a hint of hip-gyrating vide complete with the hissing of maracas and the banging of cuíca drums.
Sinisterly, Ginger had an ulterior motive. In order to preserve the past in its current state, what better way to do so than to send the cause of all this mess, Kagome, down the most colorfully evil well in all of ancient Japan. Pretending that her hand slipped, Ginger punched Kagome into the well.
"Kagome!" Inuyasha cried.
"Aren\'t you going after her?" Mira asked.
"Hell no! I\'m not going down there! Plus she nags at me. I\'ll miss this pork rinds."
"In that case, problem solved!" said Ginger. "Now, we can begin our mission to preserve Mount Yuri!"
"Weren\'t we going to help Becky retrieve the Tsukiseiki of the feudal era?" Mira asked.
"Do what now?"
Now, there were two jiving teleportation flashes on the bottom of the well, not including the one caused by the dropping of Crazy Colonel. The first occurred when Ginger punched Kagome down the well. The second was probably caused by another Ginger who occupied the world that the well led into. All of a sudden, Kagome appeared once again. She seemed different for some reason.
"Ah shit!" Inuyasha cried. "Kagome!"
"Hey, did you get a tan?" Mira asked the schoolgirl.
Instead of speaking modern Japanese, ancient Japanese, or Canadian English if you were watching the dub, the tanned Kagome rolled her R\'s and yelled:
Her oversized backpack, which had been regular yellow, was now banana yellow. Inside was now filled with thongs, fruits, and small boom box playing rhythmic Brazilian Samba. Thus, Samba-Kagome began moving around, dance perhaps and shaking her hips left and right like she just didn\'t care, while waving her hands in the air.
"Someone!" said Ginger. "Push her back into the well!"
"I can\'t!" Mira cried. "Her hips move with too much rhythm!"
"This can\'t get any worse!"
Just then, a swarm of dog-sized hornets with sinister red eyes appeared.
"Not to worry," said Inuyasha. "That\'s just Naraku\'s Saimyosho. He sends this after us once a week."
Then a gust of wind blew around them, and a red-eyed elfish woman in a colorful yet conservative kimono.
"Yeah it\'s me," sighed Kagura. "I\'m after your jewel shards, blah blah blah."
"Is Naraku bitching at you again?" asked Inuyasha.
"Like he always does."
"AAAAAHHH SAMBA!" rolled Samba-Kagome. "AYIYIYIYIYIYIYI!"
"Whats with her?"
"Don\'t ask," replied Inuyasha.
"Hey, what did I miss?" said Becky as she arrived while pulling her pants up. At the same time, Sango arrived dragging a beaten Miroku by the hair. I don\'t think his bruises were caused by the usual ass-big boomerang. Most of it anyway.
"Oh god, Kagura," said Sango. "Is this going to be one of those lame battles? I mean, I\'m surprised Miroku hasn\'t, as Kagome puts it, \'Tapped that ass\'."
"Oh, you\'re going to regret saying that ninja-bitch," Kagura growled.
"Hey, you should leave Becky, Mira, HLS, and I alone!" Ginger cried. "We don\'t want to interfere in a battle that would kill both sides and leave Mount Yuri alone."
"Ginger! Don\'t be a heroine!" cried Becky. "At least not right now!"
"Oh yeah," said Kagura. "I have to kill the evil girl as well, \'cause you know, my boss is evil, and there is only room for one evil in the world, etc."
"I\'m standing my ground," said Ginger. "Bring it on!"
They battle. At least for Inuyasha\'s group anyway. Miroku remained lying on the ground relishing in the masochism caused by Sango, and he was useless anyway due to a stupid reason that poisonous insects he absorbs poisons him, but as it turned out, he was simply allergic. Inuyasha did his Wind Scar thingy, Sango threw her ass-big boomerang, and Samba-Kagome danced the Samba--again.
But things went wrong. Because Ginger was bravery than usual, the ass-big boomerang struck Ginger in the ass, this causing her to yell her catch phrase, "Aw, fuck! My butt!"
Before Mira could acknowledge that she became wet from Ginger\'s words, the evil Ginger tripped one hundred paces and fell into the river. Not just any river. Of all the rivers, she fell in the Shinjuku River, which led after a sharp drop over the Akihabara Waterfall into treacherous waters of Tokyo River running through Tokyo Canyon. Mira, after screaming her beloved\'s name, jumped in after her.
"Mira! Don\'t be a heroine!" Becky cried. "At least not until we get the Tsukiseiki on Mount Yuri!"
Somehow, the battle ended, no thanks to Samba-Kagome or Inuyasha and his group. Kagura, after seeing the Saimyosho decimated, said "fuck it" and left.
"Um, can you help me guys?" Becky asked.
"No way!" cried Inuyasha. "Your friends are evil. And gay to boot."
"At least take Kagome with you!"
"That\'s not our Kagome," said Sango.
So the main characters in the relevant series left Becky, HLS, and a Brazilian-Japanese schoolgirl to fend for themselves and annoy each other.
"AAAAAHHH SAMBA!" rolled Samba-Kagome. "AYIYIYIYIYIYIYI!"
"Ah Samba," said Becky, dryly. She joined Samba-Kagome in a half-hearted dance attempt, and as best she could, HLS danced too.
"HLS!" cried Crazy Colonel as he danced into the scene. "YOU CAN\'T DO THAT! DOGS AREN\'T MEANT TO DO THE BRAZILIAN SAMBA!"