Story: If You Build a Better Monkey (all chapters)

If You Build a Better Monkey (13)

By Allaine

"That - was - fun," Shego panted as she leaned her hands on her knees and bent over.

Kim wanted to keep moving, but her body felt like it was made of cement, and she slumped against a wall. "Just rest for a minute," she gasped.

They'd just completed a suspenseful race through twisting passageways dimly lit by torches, if at all. Sometimes the only light had come from Shego as handfuls of green fire splashed through the air. When Kim and Shego had fled the chamber they'd been trapped in, their monkey attackers had become emboldened, and they screeched as they scampered after them, some leaping about the walls and even popping out of - yes, more of those hexagonal openings. For a monkey temple, it certainly had reminded Kim of a beehive.

"I don't like running from my enemies," Shego growled.

"Think of it as running toward Monty," Kim said.

They'd bought themselves some time by racing through a small arched doorway. Shego had then used her fire to destroy the keystone, causing debris and rubble to cascade down, blocking the entrance. A few monkeys that made it under in time were summarily knocked out, leaving the two women in a long, sloping corridor free of those pesky monkey holes. Their only two choices were up and down.

"I thought the Balrog was going to show up any minute," Kim added.

Shego looked at her strangely. "The what?"

"Balrog - you know, Lord of the Rings? Ron, um, may have gotten me to watch the movie with him," Kim admitted.

"Sorry," Shego said. "I always let Doctor D translate 'geek'." She looked up. "Guess we should move to higher ground."

"But Ron could be anywhere!" Kim said urgently. "What if we go up and he's down?"

"And what if we go down and he's up?" Shego replied. "At least maybe we can get a signal on your Kimmunicator and reach Wade. He could scan a layout of the temple, detect heat signatures - I don't know, nerd stuff like that."

"You want to go up, fine," Kim said. "But I'll go down."

"All right, all right, fine," Shego muttered. "Sheesh. We'll go down."

"I'm not trying to be difficult, Shego," Kim answered. "I think we should split up. Cover more ground."

"You think I'm going to let you go off by yourself?" Shego asked, surprised. "What if you get jumped by another monkey horde? You're not in very good shape, you know. Some of these bites are going to be infected by tomorrow, I bet."

"I'm Kim Possible. I can do anything, remember?" Kim said. "Including saving Ron."

Shego looked at her. "Okay," she finally said, "but you go up. I'll go down. If you're in really bad shape, you find an exit and get the hell out of here. And take this." She reached over and started scratching at her left wrist, a gesture Kim recognized as unlocking the mechanism that kept her glove in place.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Kim asked, alarmed.

"Giving you one of these," Shego said. "Nothing like a little fire to give the monkeys a fright. Just snap your fingers - " she explained as she started pulling the glove off.

Kim slapped her hand down on Shego's arm, stopping her. "Don't," she said. "This means a lot to me, considering it seems like you're always losing your powers as soon as you get them back, but I'll stick to what I know best."

"What's that?"

"Beating the odds."

Shego scowled as she slipped her glove back on. "Fine," she said. "You're so stubborn, Princess."

"Pot calling kettle black there. Shego?"

She'd turned away to head down. "Yeah?"

"You be careful too. I don't know what I'd do without you."

When Shego blushed, she turned a darker shade of green. "Yeah, whatever," she mumbled. "See you topside."

Then she disappeared.

Kim wiped her forehead with her arm. Truth be told, turning down Shego's offer had more to do with keeping HER safe than anything else. But she had to trust now that Shego could take care of herself, just like Shego trusted her.

Now she just had to find Ron.

Still, he could really go for a naco right then.

"Rufus," he said to his little buddy as he crouched warily to one side of the room, "I'm still floating like a butterfly, but I'm still stinging like one too." His knuckles throbbed, but if he'd managed to hurt the creatures through their thick, furry pelts, he couldn't see it.

"Eh?" Rufus asked.

"Sorry, guess you slept through that episode of ESPN Classic," Ron said.

"Awwww."

Kim - or his old Sensei, for that matter - would probably be aghast to see Ron mixing Japanese fighting techniques with American boxing slang, but right now his best strategy appeared to be "rope-a-dope". The two hulking "morillas" looked more tired than he did. Even with monkey agility and speed, as Monkey Fist had claimed, they were still slow, and you couldn't really ask the animals to fight as long as they had, and not show signs of exhaustion. Ron was dodging strikes that had lost a lot of quickness, and hoping they finally keeled over, comatose.

As long as someone with fresh legs didn't enter the picture . . .

"Monkey pretender! I challenge your claim to the position of master!"

"And you just had to think it, didn't you?" he thought.

"Morillas, leave me with the false prodigy," Monkey Fist hissed as he loped through a door that hadn't been open before.

The two genetic mutations seemed all too relieved. One gave Ron a wordless gesture as he shambled out. Ron chose to see it as a sign of respect, although it could have also been a vicious insult.

"Dude, just let it go already," Ron said wearily. "I mean, sorry I got some of your special mojo. You want to be Monkey Master? Take the title, it's yours. I don't even want it!"

"Bad enough that you steal what is mine, but you can't even appreciate it!" Monkey Fist howled.

Ron put a hand over his face. It was like going in circles.

"Come, Stoppable," Fist continued, sneering. "Let us test each other, and see who is the TRUE master of Monkey Kung Fu!"

"Yeah, okay, just one second," Ron said. He reached under his chin with both hands, unbuckled the collar he'd been wearing all this time, and tossed it onto the floor. "I gotta tell you, I've been waiting for a chance to take that off forever!"

Monkey Fist stared at him, stunned. "You - you - put that back on this instant!"

"Why? You going to blow me up if I don't? Oh wait, that's right. You can't blow me up without blowing yourself up too. Uh huh, who's the man now, that's what I'm talking about!"

"Oh really? Well, I'll just go back to the control room, and then we'll see about putting it back on!"

"And then when you come back, how are you going to stop me from taking it off again?"

Monkey Fist spluttered. "Well - you see - I - "

"Besides, dude, you issued the challenge. Winner takes the title," Ron pointed out. "You run out of here now, you forfeit, I'm still the Monkey Master." He frowned. "Yay for me."

Left unable to answer, Monkey Fist finally screamed at the ceiling, jumping up and down and slapping the floor with the palms of his hands. "Ooo! OOOO!"

"Congrats, Monty. You are officially speaking worse English than my little buddy here," Ron told him.

Rufus poked his head out again and guffawed. "Ha ha, busted!"

"Fool!" Monkey Fist finally snarled. "Your powers will be mine!"

Ron smiled. "I've traded punches with Kim Possible, Monkey Fist. Compared to her, who the heck are you?"

"I let HER win!"

"That is why you fail," Ron said sagely.

Possessed by an insane rage that made him look nothing like the English explorer he'd once been, Monkey Fist leapt through the air.

Ron heard the bell and stepped into the ring once more.

There were thirty monkeys or more facing her in a half-circle. They faced her, but they did not approach her. They kept a good five yards away from her, in fact. Kim liked to think it was because they were afraid of her, but she didn't think that was it.

She risked a glance behind her through the doors she'd been backed against. The room through the doors appeared to be filled with large machines. One in particular looked very familiar. It looked like something she'd seen used to combine Rufus years ago with Mr. Barkin.

In other words, Kim was about to enter DNAmy's lab.

"You guys probably have some bad memories of this place," she said as she backed inside.

Judging from how they didn't pursue her, she was probably right.

Going deeper into the laboratory, she took out her Kimmunicator again. Maybe this time she could get a signal. "Wade, come in, please," she said, activating it.

And her persistence was rewarded. "Kim, is that you?" Wade asked, his face appearing on the display.

"Wade!" Kim said. "Things are pretty messed up right now."

"You're telling me," he replied. "I've been trying to raise you for a while. What happened?"

"The usual," she sighed. "Trap door, long chute, fall down. I don't know where Ron and Shego are - Ron's fighting for his life, Shego's trying to find him. And DNAmy's mixed up in all this."

"Genetically mutated monkeys, huh?" he guessed sympathetically.

"What else?"

"IS there a monkey Cuddle Buddy?"

"I could have told you that five years ago, Wade, but not any more," Kim said.

"For shame, Kim Possible. For someone who once owned a Pandaroo, you must remember the Goraffe?"

Kim closed her eyes. "Of course. Thank you, mad scientist." She turned around.

"Should I also reacquaint you with THIS model?" DNAmy asked her, waving her arm at the beast that towered over her.

Kim looked at the all-too-familiar giant rabbit with the rhinoceros horn. "No, I remember. Wade, let me get back to you. I have a plushie to take care of."

"Ohh-kay," he said. "I'll give Sappho a heads-up on your position. She's been worried."

"I'm worried about Shego too," Kim murmured before she shut it off. "Rat monkeys, woolly mammoths, saber-toothed tigers - you know what?" she asked DNAmy. "I'm in the mood to kick a human's ass right now."

DNAmy chortled. "You'll have to get past - "

"Yeah, yeah," Kim said, running forward. Shego had tangled with this beast earlier in the year. She'd also told Kim what happened.

And once again, the monstrosity tried to pounce.

Once again, its intended victim ran between its legs.

The last time, Shego had wounded DNAmy with a cutting remark. Kim used a more straightforward approach - a shot to the jaw.

"Now," Kim said, turning to face the Cuddle Buddy again, "you still want a piece of me?"

It whimpered, looking at the unconscious DNAmy, and plowed through the exit. Kim heard frantic monkeys outside.

She wanted to feel better, but there was no time to feel better. She pulled out her Kimmunicator once again. "Wade, can you still read me?"

"Loud and clear, Kim."

"I'm in DNAmy's laboratory."

"And where's she?"

"Well, Wade, you know," Kim said, glancing at the out-cold scientist, "when you have a really metabolism and you miss a meal or two, you tend to pass out."

"DNAmy has a high metabolism?" Wade asked dubiously. "What does she eat, fifteen meals a day?"

"Long story. Look, if I patch you into DNAmy's computers, can you give me access to any other computer systems Monkey Fist has? Blueprints, security cameras - "

"Kim, come on, who are you talking to?" Wade said. "I don't give you access, I give you control."

"Right, sorry," she said wearily. "Get bit by enough rabid monkeys and a girl can get a little sluggish."

On the other hand, for all his failings, Monkey Fist was one of the best hand-to-hand fighters in the villain community, and if she happened to find Ron getting his clock cleaned - well, she could take some measure of satisfaction in knowing she was going to win her little wager with Pumpkin, couldn't she?

That was predicated on finding him, though, and right now she was bored. She hadn't seen one solitary monkey, even. There was concern that the little simians were focusing their attention on a stubborn SOMEONE who refused to arm herself with glowing plasma flames that terrified the rodent chimps.

Being bored was preferable to such thoughts, though, and she ruthlessly ignored them.

Turning a corner, she skidded to a halt. There was a larger chamber in front of her, better lit than most corridors she'd run through. Inside were two gorillas swaddled in ragged scraps of black cloth. They appeared to be fast asleep.

"Either this is an ambush," she thought, "or ol' Monty is going to have these two peeling potatoes for a month."

"Shego!"

Shego almost leapt out of her boots. "Yeah!"

"Sorry."

She turned around and saw nothing. "Kimmie? Where are you?"

"DNAmy's lab. Wade hacked me into the security system. I'm watching you through the security camera over your left shoulder. Monty has the whole temple rigged with them, as well as an intercom system. So he can summon his minions, I guess."

Shego looked where Kim said and, sure enough, a camera with a blinking red light was mounted there. Shego waved her hand hesitantly, and the camera matched her movements. "Are you all right?" she asked.

"Could be worse. Listen, Ron is in the next room."

"What room? There's no door."

"Secret door. Hold on a second."

Shego waited impatiently, and then she remembered the - morillas, they had to be. They were still asleep, despite all the noise Shego had made. They must have been exhausted.

Weren't they supposed to have been fighting Ron? Why the hell were they out here? And why were they so beat?

The wall slowly slid aside, and when Shego looked through the opening, she understood why.

"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas any more," she murmured.

Ron Stoppable appeared to be winning.

She couldn't say for sure, because both men had frozen when she appeared. Monkey Fist's legs were wrapped around Ron's waist. Ron had a hand around Fist's neck and a fist in midair.

"Should I come back when you two have had your alone time?" Shego asked sardonically, leaning against the wall.

"You! Why aren't you dead?" Monkey Fist demanded.

"Seems to me the 'plan' isn't working out, Monty," Shego said, crooking her fingers in the universal "quotation marks" gesture. "Why are you surprised the other part failed?"

"Shego, where's KP?" Ron asked.

"DNAmy's laboratory, apparently. Looks like she's in control of temple security now. I realize you have to be a monkey to qualify for that position, Monty, but since all humans basically from apes, I'd say she gets in under the grandfather clause."

"I'm not a big believer in intelligent design," Ron added, "but if it means we didn't evolve from apes, I'm for it."

"You dare make jokes at a time like this!" Monkey Fist thundered. "And what have you done with Amy?"

"Don't know, didn't ask, didn't care," Shego said, shrugging. "So, steal his monkey mojo yet?"

"Which of us are you speaking to?" Ron asked.

"She means me! And no, not yet. Either the artifact was flawed, or Stoppable . . . no longer has the power," Monkey Fist muttered.

"Steal whose mojo? Mine?"

"Yeah," Shego told him. "Apparently he's been - " She chuckled. "Letting you win all those times so he could take your powers when you turned twenty-one. And I've officially heard everything."

"It's true!" Monkey Fist howled.

"Hey, if that's what you have to say to yourself so you can look in the mirror in the morning," Shego said indifferently.

"So you think my Monkey Magic is gone?" Ron asked.

"Obviously a buffoon such as yourself lost it without even knowing it was gone!" Fiske snarled.

"Hey, you hear that?" Ron said. "Sounds like this mission comes with a bonus! Although not liking the B-u-f-f word."

"Doy," Shego mumbled. "I'm starting to think I shouldn't have come in."

"Uh, while you're here," Ron replied, "could you maybe give me a hand?"

Shego frowned. "Actually," she finally said grudgingly, "it looks like you're handling him pretty good by yourself."

"Excuse me!" Monkey Fist said.

"What he said," Ron said, although he was mainly surprised by Shego's vote of confidence.

"Yeah, I'm going to go find Kimmie. Maybe have a banana milkshake or something. Come find us when you finish with his sorry baboon ass."

"Now see here! Baboons are - "

Ron interrupted him by finishing his punch, which cut Ron's knuckle but also knocked out one of Monkey Fist's teeth.

"Shego!" Kim said, stopping her as she went back to where the morillas lay. "What are you doing!"

"He's not in any real danger," Shego sighed. "But I'll wait out here, just to make sure. How about you come down and watch? Check out your student's progress."

" . . . Well, okay, I guess."

"Fine," Shego said. She sat against the wall and looked at the sleeping apes. "So, you boys up for a game of gin?"

To be continued . . .

If You Build a Better Monkey 14

By Allaine

Spoilers: Takes place after "But for the Grace of Ron".

Feedback: Some of you have been extremely helpful, and I hope you'll continue to do so. New reader opinions are encouraged too!

Disclaimers: Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, Shego, Wade, and all other characters from the Kim Possible television series belong to Disney, its television production arm, and the creators and producers of the animated series. All original characters are my invention. I seek no profit from writing this, and expect none.

"Is this how you were with Drakken?" Kim asked.

"Hm?" Shego replied, half paying attention.

"Feet up, filing your nails?"

"Oh, yeah, pretty much constantly." She looked over at her. "Although I didn't usually have my feet resting on the back of a 'morilla'."

"Shego!" Kim burst out, exasperated. "Those are genetically engineered killing machines you're using as furniture! And Ron's in the next room fighting for his life!"

"Please," Shego said. "Stoppable's only in danger if he makes me wait much longer. Maybe if you trained him a little better, it wouldn't take him so long to polish Monty off."

"How can you tell?" Kim asked. "You closed the door! Which I opened for a reason, you know."

"So Monkey Fist could escape?"

"Excuse me?"

Shego sighed. "I was watching. He tried to make a break for it. I singed his fur a little, he decided he was safer with Stoppable, and I had to figure out a way to close the door so it wouldn't happen again. Which, of course, then left me with nothing to do but wait for you to show up."

Kim hadn't been able to watch the fight since she'd left DNAmy's lab, having used her Kimmunicator to download the temple layout and find Ron's location. "So - he's doing well?"

"Well enough that this fight should have been over a while ago," Shego said.

"Oh . . . but the morillas!"

"Shh," Shego said, raising a finger to her lips. "You'll wake them."

Kim clapped her hands over her mouth.

Shego laughed. "Just kidding, Kimmie. You could set off firecrackers in here and it wouldn't wake them. These boys are going to be hibernating for quite a while, I think. I guess Monty didn't train 'em to fight for extended periods of time. Unlike, say, you and me." She frowned suddenly and crossed her arms.

Kim scratched her head. "This didn't end quite the way I expected it to," she admitted.

"Swooping in to save the sidekick?"

"Well, kinda - I knew Ron was getting better, but I didn't think he could compete with Monkey Fist, with all his experience AND his new monkey ninjas," Kim said.

"He can," Shego said simply, still scowling. "Which is why you win," she grumbled.

Kim blinked. "What?"

"The wager. You win. I'll - wear your stupid mission clothes next time."

"But - there's still a couple weeks left! And Ron and Monique have to - "

Shego interrupted her. "Look, princess, I watched Ron fight the Supreme One not long ago. And I was giving Monique lessons before that. I know how good they were before this bet started. And I was watching Ron before. Right now, he's better than Monique. And I say that knowing just how good she's gotten."

"You mean it?" Kim asked, startled. Monique had been fighting hoodlums while she and Ron were still attending college and Shego had been in a cell.

"Yeah, I do," Shego said. "And if he's gotten THAT much better, THAT much faster than Monique, then you must be a pretty goddamn good teacher. Much better than me, anyway." She looked disappointed. "So there's no reason for us to wait another few weeks. You win."

Kim had beaten Shego many times over the years. Having Shego concede defeat was - strangely unsatisfying. "I'm sure you've done a great job with Monique," she said awkwardly.

Shego shrugged. "I thought so. Maybe you should take over, though. Monique's got skills, and I don't want to be slowing her down."

"Shego - "

"Ah-ba-ba-ba," Shego said, holding up a hand. "I'd appreciate it if you could save the gloating for when I show up in baggy pants."

"I wasn't going to gloat!"

"I know, Kimmie, I know," Shego sighed. "I do, uh, reserve the right to wear these, of course." With her hand still raised, she snapped her fingers. Once again, it was alight with black plasma.

"They show no sign of weakening, huh?" Kim asked, suddenly eager to change the subject.

"Nope," Shego said, sounding hopeful again. "It'd be nice if we knew how it happened, though."

"Do you still think it was Thomas?"

"Well, it's possible if he was in the building when you carelessly left my door unlocked while I was alone sleeping," Shego replied, grinning.

Kim smiled. "Oddly enough, I'm not feeling sorry about that any more."

"Ooh, naughty, are we? Anyway, it's possible, but according to Dr. Director, his reinventions are pretty random. And I think it's strange that a toddler who wasn't even conceived yet the last time I had plasma gloves would, by sheer coincidence, give me back my old powers," Shego reasoned.

"Still," Kim reminded her, "Thomas and Sappho can communicate in binary. We could always have Sappho ask him, just to be sure."

"Whatever," Shego said, shrugging. She stood up. "Where's Amy?"

"The device she uses to combine her subjects' DNA? It makes an excellent holding cell," Kim told her.

"Hm, really?" Shego asked idly. "Does it separate them too?"

"It did years ago. That's how we saved Rufus when he was spliced with Mr. Barkin."

"Mister who?"

"High school principal."

Shego chuckled. "How do I get out of this dump?"

"Here, give me your Kimmunicator."

"I really need a more appropriate name for this thing," Shego said as she removed it from her leg pouch.

Kim pointed hers at Shego's. "I'm transmitting you a copy of the temple layout. You can use the keypad to identify the key points, including the exit."

"Thanks," Shego murmured. "Think I'll head up. Tell Stoppable - " She paused. "That I said his fighting wasn't half-bad."

"That kind of exuberant praise? From you?" Kim said. "He'd never believe me."

"Ha ha," Shego said. "I'll check up on Amy before I leave." She started to walk past Kim, but she stopped and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "And you're getting those bites looked at when we get back."

"You too," Kim answered, smiling at the show of affection.

Once Shego was gone, Kim went over to the door mechanism Shego had used to close it. As she got closer, though, she heard a light pounding. She put her ear to the wall.

"Shego! I can't open it from this side! Are you going to let me out!"

Kim put a hand over her face. "Such a gracious loser, Shego," she muttered.

"KP!" Ron said once the door was opened. "You're okay!"

"And you're - looking more than okay. Victory suits you," Kim said. "Monkey Fist doesn't look so good, though."

"Yeah, well, I know you probably wanted to beat him, so I waited as long as I could! But I had to knock him out finally. Just between you and me, KP," he said, leaning forward, "when he's really close? Smells like poo."

"Aw, gross, Ron!"

"So where's Shego?"

"Off to make sure DNAmy is still in her cage," Kim said. "She tried to kill us with a swarm of rat monkeys."

"Wait, she tried to kill you? And you're letting Shego near her? Especially after DNAmy and the other villains wrecked her old apartment and tried to capture her?" Ron asked, surprised. "You must really trust your girlfriend."

"I do," Kim agreed.

Then she thought about it.

"Or maybe we should hurry."

"Still gotta drag Monkeybone upstairs, Kim."

"Oh well," Kim sighed. "It's not like she'd beat DNAmy up or anything."

"Aw, but she and Monty make the perfect couple now."

"Team Possible shouldn't do that sort of thing to people intentionally!"

"Apparently me not being a villain any more doesn't mean I can't still hold a grudge for a long, LONG time," Shego said casually. "Don't forget I removed her hummingbird DNA first. I wonder how many calories it'll take her to realize her metabolism has changed again."

"Fat monkey Amy," Ron said, shuddering. "I may not be able to eat tonight."

Rufus made a face. "Uh-uh, no way," he wailed.

"I wonder what DNAmy's pelt would go for on the black market," Shego said thoughtfully.

Kim stared at her. Sometimes her sense of humor could be so, well - evil!

"Monkey Fist may not be in Africa long," Dr. Director said. "Wade contacted me earlier. He found plenty of evidence in Fiske's computer server that shows he ordered the hit on Irma Newcastle last week. Massachusetts state authorities should issue an arrest warrant for murder within the next forty-eight hours. Of course, after being in an African prison, an American penal facility could be 'so not the drama'."

Kim and Shego both looked at Dr. Director. "So not the drama?" Kim asked in disbelief.

"I'm not allowed to say it?"

"No, no, it's just strange hearing it from someone else."

"Someone older," Shego said.

"Look, I'm sorry you lost, now get over it!" Kim shot back.

"Um, am I missing something?" Dr. Director asked hesitantly.

"Nothing, just a little tension," Kim said, while Shego folded her arms sullenly.

"Ah. Well, I called ahead," Dr. Director told them. "Your mother will see you in the emergency room once you're done here. You were scratched and bitten multiple times by wild monkeys whose DNA had been altered. There's no telling what you could have in your systems right now."

"We know," Kim sighed. "Before we go, though, we wanted to get your permission for something."

"Oh?"

"We want Sappho to ask Thomas something."

Dr. Director's one eye widened. "You what?"

Shego held up her hands and activated her gloves. "The one thing we didn't tell you is that my plasma powers are back, and I don't know why. But one of the only people who had any opportunity to do anything to my gloves was - "

"Thomas," Dr. Director finished for her. "He DID show an interest in your gloves the last time you were at my house. I guess it's a good idea. Vivian and I have been talking about having Thomas and Sappho talk more anyway. Let me get him."

"I'm not in a bad mood because I lost," Shego muttered.

"You're being snarky."

"I'm always snarky. Speaking of which, where's Stoppable?"

"He left Ruby with Sadie," Kim said. "He went to get her. And Shego, I think you should continue teaching Monique."

"She'd do better with you."

"I don't have time to teach two people - "

"Teach them both at the same time."

"Even then, I won't be giving either of them my undivided attention. And I don't know what Monique does and doesn't know," Kim went on. "There could be any number of things you've taught her that I haven't taught Ron and vice versa."

Shego looked at her intently. "Are you saying this because you don't want to hurt my feelings, or because you honestly believe Monique would be better off with me?"

"I honestly believe that," Kim said. "And I won't believe that Ron is sure to beat Monique in a match until I see it. I mean, when we fight, is the outcome EVER preordained?"

"Well, if I really want to win, yes," Shego replied with a wicked smile.

"You ALWAYS want to win."

"One of many things we have in common."

"And here I thought we only shared a size in clothing," Kim said dryly.

Shego started to pout. "Oh, Kimmie, you look so good in a catsuit. Why do you have to wear those baggy pants of yours? And make ME wear them?" She grabbed Kim around the waist. "Are these bodies meant to be hidden by big pockets?"

"Well, not when you look at it that way," Kim admitted. There really WAS no reason why she couldn't change her mission gear. She'd been wearing the same thing for seven years - why not debut something new to coincide with the emergence of Team Possible, Inc.? Something tight-fitting, something that Shego would just love - but not green and black.

Of course, she somehow doubted Ron would want to go on missions in a cat suit. Still, no reason why he couldn't go on wearing -

Dr. Director coughed in the doorway. "Ladies, if you're free?"

Kim blushed a little as she realized Thomas was staring at them. She backed out of Shego's light embrace. Shego smiled and shrugged, and it seemed the tension was gone.

Shego had deactivated her powers when she put her hands on Kim, but she turned them back on now. "You like, Tommy?" she asked sarcastically, waving her hands around.

Thomas Director made a little squealing noise and struggled in his mother's grasp with an arm outstretched.

"Well, THAT was suspicious," Shego said.

"It's almost like he wants you to hold him, Shego," Dr. Director said.

"Yeah, well, bad girls like me aren't much for being maternal, Doc," Shego replied. "Especially when someone's been playing with my things."

"I'm sure he didn't mean any harm if he did it, Shego. It was what you wanted, in fact."

Shego's eyes sparkled, and Kim had a bad feeling about it. "What I want is a night with Kim filled with nonstop sex, but I don't see how - "

"LA-LA-LA-LA!" Kim screamed, putting her hands over her ears as her cheeks started flaming. "I'm not hearing this!"

If Shego was hoping to get a rise out of Dr. Director, though, she was sadly mistaken. "I'm afraid they frown on carnal bliss in the ER, Shego, which is where you'll be an hour from now. Getting shots, perhaps."

Shego grimaced.

"AND?" Ron finally asked.

"I'd rather not say," Sappho mumbled.

They all looked at each other. "You're worrying me, Sappho," Dr. Director said. "Is Thomas all right?"

"Oh, he's fine! He's just - well, he's young. He doesn't understand computer etiquette yet."

"Etiquette?" Kim asked.

"Well, electronically his brain is very advanced," Sappho explained. "More advanced than I, in fact. But he's also very new. There are a lot of things he hasn't learned yet."

"Like what?"

"Like scanning my memory files without my permission," Sappho said gingerly.

"Excuse me?" Dr. Director asked.

"It appears Thomas' cybernetic implants allowed him to bypass my firewalls and access my memory banks when we first made contact," Sappho told her. "Apparently I'm much more advanced than any other machine he'd encountered, and he wanted to see more of me. So he saw all my memories . . . plus some other things."

"What other things?"

"I told you."

"Told us what?" Shego asked.

"That I'd rather not say."

"Sappho!" Dr. Director exploded. "You are on Team Possible's payroll, which makes you an employee. And if Kim Possible wants you to share information she needs, then you give it to her. Understand?"

"I'm sorry!" Sappho pleaded. "It's - embarrassing."

Kim groaned. "Well, how about you just tell one of us, and that person can tell the others outside?"

"I guess," Sappho finally agreed. "I'll tell Dr. Director."

"Kim," Dr. Director said, "since Shego isn't the mommy type, could you take Thomas and wait outside the hangar for me?"

"Sure thing," Kim said.

Shego looked from Dr. Director to Sappho. "I can't believe she won't say what this is," Shego grumbled. "I thought I was your favorite pilot."

"You are!" Sappho said. "But I can't tell you most of all!"

"This is sounding weirder by the minute," Ron said.

"Yeah," Ruby agreed.

The three members of Team Possible, plus their two mole rats, were forced to wait outside with Sadie like students outside the principal's office. "Who knows what my cousin has done this time?" Sadie asked. "Her parameters are completely irrational!"

"Leave her alone," Shego said. "I'm sure there's a good answer."

"I'm sure there's an answer too. 'Good' isn't the word I was going to apply, though. 'Deranged', perhaps," Sadie replied.

Dr. Director's arrival forestalled any further bantering. "Okay, I know what happened now."

"Was it Thomas?" Kim asked.

"Yes, he told Sappho he did it."

"And was it a coincidence?" Shego asked.

"No," Dr. Director told her. "It was definitely NOT a coincidence." She paused. "Apparently, when Sappho has no one to talk to, she spends a lot of time on the Internet."

"And?" Shego asked, her voice growing dangerous.

"Sappho has downloaded a great deal of security and news footage showing you and Kim fighting, Shego," Dr. Director told her. "Actually, Kim has nothing to do with it. She just likes watching footage of you."

Shego stared at her. "You're kidding."

"I don't believe I could make this up, Shego. She's absolutely fascinated by you. And when Thomas saw all the footage of you with your plasma gloves, he decided to change them back as a favor to Sappho."

"Where do you GET security footage of Shego?" Ron asked.

"Villains Digest Online, where else?" Kim told him.

"I should be more surprised, but I'm not," Sadie muttered.

"I'm not entirely surprised either," Kim said. "She's always flirting with you."

"She just does it because Sadie likes you more," Shego said.

"Perhaps at first," Dr. Director said, "but Sappho tells me that if she were human, she would want to be just like you."

"This is what happens when you give machines personalities," Ron said.

"Hey!"

"Sorry, Sadie."

"It's not like you don't flirt back, you know," Kim grumbled. "Always 'grabbing her stick' and 'taking her for a spin'."

"Look, I am NOT in love with a spaceship!" Shego shot back.

"How come you don't flirt like that with me?"

"Hello? Did you really not hear me say the words 'night with Kim filled with nonstop sex' earlier?"

"Whoa, penalty, fifteen yards for too much information!" Ron said.

"Could everyone just settle down for a minute?" Dr. Director asked. "Now we know what happened. And judging by Thomas' other inventions, your gloves should continue to work for quite some time, Shego. And Sappho has promised to delete all the downloads and tone down on the spicy talk if you promise you'll keep flying her."

Shego ran her fingers through her hair and grunted. "I've never exactly had an artificial intelligence crush on me, but I'm all right with that if Sappho promises to stop talking that way when Kim's around. And if she recognizes that Kimmie's the only girl for me."

Kim smiled in spite of herself. Suddenly complaining about robotic flirting didn't seem to matter any more.

Dr. Director smiled as she took Thomas from her and saw that Kim was barely paying attention. If a woman with one eye could see they were meant for each other, then so could Sappho.

To be concluded . . .

If You Build a Better Monkey 15

Author: Allaine

Spoilers: Takes place after "But for the Grace of Ron".

Feedback: Some of you have been extremely helpful, and I hope you'll continue to do so. New reader opinions are encouraged too!

Disclaimers: Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, Shego, Wade, and all other characters from the Kim Possible television series belong to Disney, its television production arm, and the creators and producers of the animated series. All original characters are my invention. I seek no profit from writing this, and expect none.

Ron didn't realize things were strange until he fell backwards and broke through something.

Once he discovered he was lying on his back in a dark hallway with pieces of a paper-like substance on either side of him, then he knew. Strange.

"I knew I shouldn't have had that hospital burrito, Rufus," he said, patting his pants pocket.

It took him a second or two to find that the reassuring bulge created by a tiny sleeping rodent was gone. The other pocket was similarly flat. Rufus and Ruby were gone.

"Rufus!" Ron called, stumbling to his feet. "Ruby!" He ran blindly in the dark, heading toward a rectangle of dim light.

The light turned out to be moonlight shining through a frail door like the one he'd already broken. He broke this one too, as he accidentally ran into it.

"All right, getting tired of those!" he cried out.

Once he was outside, however, he understood why things were so different - including the doors. Ron had been here once, years ago in high school.

He was in the courtyard of the secret Yamanouchi school in Japan.

"Sayonara, United States," he murmured.

"Good evening, Stoppable-san."

Grappling hooks had been stealing his pants for years, but now he almost jumped out of them. "Gah!" he screamed, leaping around.

"I apologize. I did not wish to frighten you," the old Japanese man said.

"Sensei?" Ron asked, staring at him. "How did I get here?"

"I do not believe 'here' is what it appears to be," his temporary sensei said. "The last thing I remember doing was retiring for a short nap."

"So this is a dream, right?" Ron asked.

"It would appear so," Sensei replied.

"Thought so."

"Of course, I seem to be having the same dream. Which doesn't usually occur." The Sensei looked at him piercingly. "Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

Ron blinked. "Dude, I mean Sensei, if I could control my dreams, I would have had those 'naked in math class' nightmares a LOT less frequently. Maybe once just for the novelty of it, but that's it!"

"Then it must have been your Mystical Monkey Power, Stoppable-san."

"Can't be that," Ron told him. "I don't have it any more."

Sensei raised an eyebrow. "Indeed? And how did you come to this conclusion?"

Ron summarized the events of the past day, culminating in his fight with Monkey Fist. "And let's face it," he finished. "The Monkey Man knows a lot more about Monkey Power than I do. I mean, he built his very own temple!"

Sensei sighed. "Lord Fiske was once a very great man, Stoppable-san," he said. "His education, his bravery, his dedication to the monkey arts - he could have been a great Monkey Master. But his ambition and greed corrupted him, and now he has become utterly insane. At times I can almost feel his madness moving through the air like waves, when he is delving too deeply into what he should not. That being said, he does not understand the Power as well as he thinks he does."

"Why not?" For some reason, Ron had a bad feeling about this.

"He believes the Power rests inside its host like a flame inside a lantern, or liquid in a vessel. He need only draw it out, and it is his. The Power is nothing like this," Sensei explained, as one hand emerged from the overflowing sleeves of his robe. He placed it on Ron's chest, as Ron stood motionless.

"Your Power is here," Sensei said, "and it is not. It is here, and here, and HERE." His hand moved, briefly touching Ron's arm, than his forehead. "It is everywhere, in truth. Stoppable-san, when the Power entered your body, it became a PART of your body. Lord Fiske could no more remove the Power than he could remove your heart - "

"I think Monkey Fist would love to remove my heart," Ron said anxiously. "And the rest of my organs."

"I mean your heart in the literal sense," Sensei corrected him. "Your soul. The necklace around your neck might as well have tried to take your sense of humor."

"Well, good thing it didn't!" Ron said. "He can have the Power. But the sense of humor stays with me."

"Stoppable-san," Sensei replied quietly, "why do you fear this Power so? I realize that you do not exactly enjoy the company of apes, but - "

"It's not that," Ron sighed. "I mean, you tangle with monkey ninjas enough times, and you learn to live with the fear. When someone mentions monkeys and I overreact, it's more of an old habit than anything else."

"Then why does it trouble you? The Power is a blessing as well as a responsibility."

"Like you just said, it's the responsibility," Ron said.

"You assist in saving the world on a weekly basis. You recovered the Lotus Blade when you were only in high school. I have never found you to be someone who shirks responsibility."

Ron looked down. "I'm just - I'm afraid of how it's going to change my life. I do good things, great things, the way things are now. Becoming the Monkey Master, it's going to change everything."

Sensei nodded slightly. "Why don't you tell me what you want?"

"What I want?" Ron asked. "I want to help Kim. I want to support her. What I don't want is for the roles to be reversed."

"I do not understand."

"Well, what happens when I become a full-fledged Monkey Master?" Ron asked plaintively. "Kim doesn't have super powers. What if I become - better than her?"

Sensei rubbed his beard. "Lord Fiske was too ambitious. Perhaps you are not enough."

"It's not that. Believe me, I want to be the best fighter I can be," Ron said. "I've had this role for years, and it suits me really well, Sensei. KP is a hero, a world-saver. I'm the sidekick. I help out, play the decoy, take out the last henchman while she's dealing with nine others. Every so often, I'm the one who pushes the button that saves the world. Or the one who saves Kim instead of the other way around every once in a while. She's like a sister to me, Sensei, as well as a standard to live up to, and an object of the greatest admiration. If I became . . . better than her, I think my head would explode. It's not who I want to be. It's not who I was MEANT to be. This magic, it was just an accident. Ron Stoppable isn't supposed to be the Monkey Master. He's supposed to be the guy who watches Kim Possible's back."

"I see," Sensei said after a moment.

"I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me, but - "

"Disappointed, Stoppable-san? Of course not. As you say, you are not the expert on the Monkey Master. You were not condemned to life servitude to some kind of unbeatable power when you became one with the magic. Your destiny is still what you choose to make it. You could settle down, take a wife, and live out the rest of your years as a gourmet chef like you dream about - don't look surprised, Stoppable-san, I heard things about you in the school kitchen," he said knowingly.

"Right, sorry."

"Anyway, you could do all these things and never intentionally draw upon your powers again, and it would be all right. It would be a power wasted, but you are free to do with it as you please."

"Really?" Ron asked hopefully.

"There ARE two things you need to understand about your gifts, however."

Ron stiffened. "What two things?"

"One, as I have said, the Power is a part of you. It is in every cell of your body. It flows through you like blood. As such, it touched you from the moment it first bonded with you. You are not the same person, Stoppable-san. In many ways, you are stronger, faster, and tougher than you would have been otherwise. Before, you were human. Now, you are just a bit superhuman. You say it was Kim Possible's training that saved you when you discovered your Power was 'gone'. You are correct in thinking so, but I suspect it wasn't the only reason. Lord Fiske has the Power as well. If you did not have it, I think the outcome would have been quite different."

Ron looked at himself. "Wow," he said. "There IS no spoon."

"Pardon?"

"Never mind. So it's made me a better fighter. I can deal with that. If it means I can help Team Possible that much better, I'm for it. What's the second thing?"

"The second thing is that I would not worry about surpassing Ms. Possible any time soon. The Monkey Power is not some kind of instant superhero pill, where you need only say the words and be bathed in an otherworldly light that gives you incredible strength or speed," Sensei told him sternly. "It is only a key that allows you to attain a level of skill in Monkey Kung Fu and other fighting styles that mere humans cannot. It requires years of study and intense discipline. If you came to Yamanouchi as my personal pupil, I could make you Kim Possible's equal with - oh, ten years of intensive training, perhaps. Assuming she doesn't get any better during that time. Otherwise, it could be twenty years or more."

"Twenty years?" Ron asked. He gulped. "You know, uh, that sounds like a lot of fun," he said, backing away slightly, "but I'm going to be busy with the whole hero-sidekick thing."

"So be it," Sensei said. "I am sure Kim Possible will do an adequate job in my place."

Ron wondered if Kim was planning to keep training him for three hours a day over the next twenty years, and he decided they needed to discuss a firm timeline with a definite endpoint when he woke up.

Which didn't seem to be happening any time soon. "So, uh," he finally said, "how are Hirotaka and Yori?"

"Hirotaka has become a top teacher here at the school," Sensei answered. "As for Yori, she left two years ago to become a 'secret agent' for the Japanese government. Very secret, of course, and I probably shouldn't have told you, but since we are both dreaming, it is not as if I have actually said anything. Both are well, though, and if this wasn't a dream, I would tell them you asked."

The Sensei had never struck him as an especially jovial man, but Ron suspected that he too had a sense of humor which no magic device could steal.

"Oh, there is one other thing," Sensei added. "Something I should give you, but obviously now is not the time. Later, after you wake up."

"How do I do that exactly?" Ron asked. "If my Monkey Power brought you into my dreams, that is."

"As you have not mastered control of the Power yet, it is not something you can end on your own. I shall have to help you."

"Is there a ritual?"

"Not exactly. They say that if you go to sleep in your dreams, you wake up in real life, Stoppable-san."

Before Ron knew what was happening, Sensei was behind him and had an arm around his neck.

"Sleeper hold, what else?" Ron thought. "Steel Toe could learn from - "

And then he blacked out.

And the curtain across from him was still drawn, shielding Kim's bed from view. All of these things suggested that he had been sleeping in a chair in Kim's room at the hospital, that he'd been dreaming, and that he'd been nowhere near Japan.

Of course, it wasn't like Sensei didn't say it WASN'T a dream. But there was no way to prove that his mind hadn't created the whole thing.

Then again, why would he dream of being told he was still the Monkey Master, and would be until the end of his days? A nightmare perhaps, but then why be told that his destiny was of his own making? Why condemn him and liberate him at the same time?

Maybe it would be easier if he just went with the dream scenario anyway.

He scratched the back of his head with his other hand and let it drop. It brushed against something leaning against his chair. Curious, Ron touched it - and it vibrated.

Ron's eyes widened, and he grabbed it. He knew what he held in his hands, but he still had to draw it a few inches out of its sheath to believe it.

Somehow, while he slept, someone had placed the Lotus Blade at his side.

Or - it had appeared on its own.

"Looks like I'm a monkey's uncle after all," he whispered.

"Ron?"

He let out a strangled gasp and almost hurled the Lotus Blade across the room before realizing the curtain was still closed and Kim couldn't see the sheathed Japanese sword in his hands. For the moment, anyway. "Yeah. KP?" he whispered, looking around frantically for a place to stash it. If she saw it, she'd obviously want to know why, and he wasn't sure if he could explain it away without breaking his oath of secrecy to Sensei and Yamanouchi.

"You were talking in your sleep," she murmured sleepily from her bed.

"Was I?" he asked, moving toward the room's private bathroom. He hung the scabbard by the strap from the hook inside the door.

"I distinctly heard the word 'monkey' a few times," she told him. "Nightmare? Reliving the fight with Monty?"

"Uh, sort of," he said, closing the door again. Once Kim was asleep again, he could bring the sword home.

"Ron? Do I have to talk to a curtain all night?" Kim asked with a trace of irritation.

"What? Is that still there?" Ron said with a forced laugh. He brushed the curtain aside. Kim was lying there, looking at him with a question in her eyes. She was dressed only in a hospital robe, with an IV dripping antibiotics into her vein. The doctor Mrs. Dr. Possible had referred had prescribed them mainly as a precaution, much as he had requested Kim and Shego stay overnight for observation.

"What were you doing? I heard you walking around."

"Just, uh, had to step inside the bathroom, if you know what I mean."

"I didn't hear the toilet flush."

"Didn't want to wake you, KP," he said brightly. "I'll be right back." Quickly he went back into the bathroom and flushed the toilet.

"Ron," she sighed, shaking her head. "So what was the dream about?"

"Well . . . " Ron considered making something up, but what he'd learned had been really important, and it wouldn't be right to keep it from her, especially considering how it impacted Team Possible. "It seems I still have the Monkey Mystical Power after all."

"What?" she asked as she sat up straight, startled. "How do you know!"

"I was told in a dream."

"By who?"

"S - some higher power, I guess," Ron said, having very nearly undone his hiding of the Lotus Blade by dropping Sensei's name.

She stared at him doubtfully. "A higher power told you while you were sleeping that you were the Monkey Master?"

"Pretty much, yeah," he said.

"Are you sure this wasn't a nightmare?"

"Maybe I should start from the beginning," he said, pulling his chair closer and sitting down.

He told her everything. Everything, that is, except for the old Japanese man and any reference to anything at the Yamanouchi school where he'd once trained in high school. Instead he told Kim that he'd been back in the African monkey temple, where a disembodied voice had spoken to him.

"Wow," Kim said when he was finished. "Still, you should be careful. It could have been a trick. Maybe Monkey Fist is using some kind of meditation trick from prison."

"It's possible," he acknowledged, "but explain for me how what I was told could play into any villain's hands. I mean, I have great power and I can use for any purpose I choose? Not exactly a real spirit-breaker."

"True," Kim said. "So you're okay with this?"

He wasn't exactly thrilled about the legendary weapon in the bathroom, since there was no way he could use it on a mission without blowing his secret. "Ron the Monkey Man? Yeah, I guess if I've got to be the Master, this is the best-case scenario. I can go on being the sidekick - "

"Sidekick is a word that applies to you about as well as it applies to Shego these days," she corrected him.

"Junior partner, then. I can be the person I want to be, AND I can be better at it. For that, I can live with a little extra responsibility," he said. Ron smiled then. "Especially since I might need a little extra Diablo sauce to go along with it."

The muffled word "cheese!" could be heard coming from both of his pockets.

"Good," Kim said softly. "Any idea how Shego's doing?"

"Uh, no. Frankly, the idea of being alone with her in her bedroom if she wakes up made me soil myself," Ron said. "Anyway, she's got Monique 'guarding' her door. Either she's really security-conscious, or she doesn't like the night nurse very much."

"She's very security-conscious," Kim said. "Plus she was a little snarkier than usual today." Then she paused. "Ron, this 'voice' told you that the Monkey Mystical Power is a part of you? That it's made you stronger, faster, things like that?"

"Yep," he said, leaning back. "The Ron Factor is now the Ron Max Factor. Might not have been able to win today if it wasn't for that. Well, that and your training, of course," he added.

"So your powers have been making you a better fighter," she said. "Because, you know, I've been meaning to tell you just how quickly you've been learning your lessons. Even Shego thinks you've come a long way from a few weeks ago."

"She said THAT? No wonder she's been snarky," he muttered. "She's been regretting it ever since!"

"Ron," Kim said.

"Sorry, KP. And yeah, thanks, that means a lot to me. I did feel like I was picking up what you were teaching really easily - well, if you consider hours of relentless exertion followed by pure exhaustion 'easily'. But I just figured it was because you were such a good teacher." He stopped. "That didn't come out right," he added. "I didn't mean you're not - "

"Don't worry, I know what you meant," Kim said. "Must be nice having super powers."

"You're not going to ask me to wear spandex now, are you?" he asked.

"Too bad Monique doesn't have powers like that," she went on, almost to herself.

"What about Monique?"

"Oh, nothing," Kim said cheerfully. "I guess none of us knew what an edge you have."

Ron wasn't sure what she meant by 'us', but he accepted the praise just the same.

"Don't think of it that way," Vivian Porter told her as they watched Thomas interacting with Oliver. "Think of it more as having his cybernetic parts 'reprogrammed'. His human brain still has a lot to learn from you."

"Do you suppose this will work?" Betty asked. "I'd hate to think that Thomas will be downloading classified government secrets when he's five because they look 'interesting'."

"I wouldn't be worried," Vivian replied. "When I first designed Oliver's artificial intelligence, I programmed him quite thoroughly about what he was and wasn't permitted to do. I've never had any problems with him since then, except for a minor glitch or two."

Dr. Director widened one eye. "Minor glitch?"

"Very minor," Vivian assured her quickly. "Anyway, he can explain to Thomas' robotic brain the necessary concepts better than I can now. It just may take an hour or two."

"I've always got time for my son," Dr. Director said. Then she smiled at Vivian. "For you, too."

Vivian blinked. "Huh?"

"Vivian," Dr. Director said, "you know that I've never had many meaningful relationships over the years. My twin brother Sheldon and I were not close, even before he became Gemini."

"How does one decide to become a megalomaniacal would-be tyrant just because you don't treat him like an 'older brother' anyway?" Vivian asked curiously.

"It's really very simple."

"Oh?"

"He's insane. Anyway, what I was trying to say is that until I adopted Thomas, I had no family. As head of Global Justice, my work became my personal life, and I was strictly professional with my fellow GJ agents. Oh, there was this one man," she admitted wistfully. "He wasn't exactly a GJ man, mind you. But we . . . at any rate, it couldn't work out. And of course, I didn't exactly have friends when I was a prisoner of the Acceptables," she added.

"Now, however," Dr. Director continued, "I have Thomas, and more. You and Holly have become the best friends I was never able or allowed to have, and that means a lot to me."

Vivian was briefly taken aback. "Wow," she finally said. "That was a surprise. Thank you, Betty. My only friends were my machines for years, and of course you know all about my dating troubles. But my time spent with you and Holly is important to me now as well."

Betty smiled and, reaching forward, squeezed Vivian's hand gently.

"Dr. Director?"

She turned, hearing Oliver speak her name. "Yes?"

"I am making progress with your son, although I cannot estimate at this time how much longer it will take. His circuitry is very advanced."

"Thank you, Oliver."

"And I believe you are about to receive a transmission."

Dr. Director's Kimmunicator went off a millisecond later, and she drew it from her handbag, letting go of Vivian's fingers. "I never thought years ago that I'd be using one of these," she murmured to Dr. Porter.

"Uh-huh," Vivian said absently, studying her hand where Betty had touched it.

"Yes?" Dr. Director asked, answering the device.

"Hey, Dr. Director," Wade said. "Just letting you know that I've received a couple eyewitness sightings of Duff Killagan in Thailand."

"Excellent," she replied. "Have you notified Kim?"

"She's being checked out of the hospital right now," he said. "Anyway, he's already left the country, but it gives me a lead I didn't have before. It's only a matter of time before I track him down."

"Wonderful," she said. "Thanks for the sitch." She turned it off and looked at Vivian. "Something else I never thought I'd use - the word 'sitch'."

"People change," Vivian said.

Being a 'naked' mole rat in every sense of the word, she looked quizzical.

"Come on, KP," he called upstairs. "The deranged Scotsman isn't going to just wait forever, you know!"

There was a noise from above. "Keep your shirt on, Stoppable," he heard Shego's voice come floating down. "For all our sakes, keep your shirt on."

For a typical Shego retort, it lacked some of its pep, Ron thought.

A few moments later, he thought he understood why.

"Don't - say - a fucking - word," Shego snarled as she stormed in.

He couldn't have spoken if he wanted to. His jaw didn't seem to be working. Rufus rubbed his eyes and stared harder.

Shego had come downstairs wearing cargo pants and a tight black turtleneck that bared her toned midriff. Other than the black and green gloves on her hands, and the dark olive shade of her pants, she was dressed exactly like Ron.

"Um, Shego?" he finally asked nervously.

"I lost a bet, satisfied?" she growled.

"Completely!" Ron replied, putting up his palms.

"Let's just get this over with," she said. "We fight him, we beat him, and I ask him to say 'ah' with a five-wood. And then maybe I'll be able to enjoy myself," she added, folding her arms.

"There ARE other ways to have a good time, you know," Kim said from behind.

Ron saw her first. "Has someone been changing the past again?" he asked, astonished.

Shego turned and saw Kim was dressed in the green-and-black cat suit that had been folded in her bedroom drawer since the time she'd worn it in Boston. She didn't let the fact that Kim looked damn hot distract her. "What are you wearing?" she demanded.

"I didn't think this left much to the imagination," Kim said.

"I think I'm going to wait outside," Ron said, "before Monique walks in wearing feathers and heels." He disappeared before either Kim or Shego could say anything.

"We had a bet," Shego said angrily. "I don't need your pity!"

"The bet was flawed," Kim replied.

"What?"

"According to Ron, he still has his Monkey Power," Kim explained. "It's become a part of him, and it makes him a stronger and faster fighter. Unlike Monique, who has no powers of any sort."

Shego nodded slightly. "So he had an advantage over her. He could get better faster."

"That's what I think," Kim said. "Ergo, his improvement was not entirely my doing, and it's possible that Ron would still be fighting at the same level whether it was you or I training him."

"And that's why he's better than Monique!" Shego understood. "The bet's off!"

"Well, you already conceded, so it's too late for that," Kim said slyly. "I say you're still stuck with that outfit today. Still, since there's no way to tell who the better trainer is, I decided that it's only fair if we BOTH pay the penalty for losing."

Shego pouted. "I hate these pants."

"Look, it's up to you. Do you want to go now, or do you want us both to go back upstairs and change into our usual attire?" Kim asked.

Her impatience to hunt Killagan down as soon as possible, combined with her pleasure at seeing Kim wearing something that suited her FAR better than loose-fitting pants, proved even greater than her distaste for the Team Possible mission uniform. "Let's just go," Shego finally grumbled.

"Look at it this way," Kim said as she walked out with Shego. "You'll be able to undress faster tonight."

Shego purred in spite of herself.

But it was silly and dangerous for Kim to be laid up overnight at a hospital for observation last week because of monkey bites. An ordinary shirt and pair of pants was no longer acceptable for a full-time heroine in this day and age. His inventions had paid off dozens of times over the years. Something like this could go on reaping dividends for Kim for years.

Of course, it WAS several years old. He'd put his prototype away, still unfinished, when the Acceptable Family arrived and Kim had hung up her spurs.

But Wade had made several years' worth of upgrades to Kim's latest Kimmunicator. Why not here too?

He fingered the skintight outfit hanging in the closet, white with blue stripes. "Clothes do make the woman," he murmured.

Wade made up his mind. After he finished using the treadmill, at long last he'd get back to work on his variation of the Centurion Project.

Hands grabbed her by the arms roughly, and she tried to fight them off until she felt a gun barrel pressed against her forehead. "Come with us or be shot," a man ordered.

"Fine," she said, her voice raspy. "I didn't like prison anyway. And my roommate had a flatulence problem."

"Really?" the man said. He turned and pumped three bullets into the other woman, who had been trapped under her collapsed bunk. "Now she doesn't."

Jaqui was struck speechless for a moment, although not for any love of the woman. "If I'd known you were going to do something about ALL my problems," she finally said, "I'd have given you the name of a guard or two."

"Funny," he said. "We are leaving now."

Two other men in visored helmets hoisted her up by the armpits and physically dragged her from her cell on the third story of the Texas state penitentiary she'd been housed in since her extradition. A helicopter gunship was waiting for them. Complaining all the way, Jaqui was unceremoniously tossed inside even as searchlights trained on the chopper and the sound of shotguns being fired could be heard.

"Who the hell are you guys?" she demanded as the helicopter began ascending. Shots pinged off the underbelly of the vehicle.

"Your - vacation leave is over, Jaqui," someone said from the rear of the gunship. "I have need of you."

Jaqui turned cold. "You couldn't just leave me there, could you?" she asked bitterly. "You had to drag me to whatever lair you're using these days just so you could pull the floor out from under me yourself."

"Nonsense," Gemini said as he emerged from the shadows. "I haven't dropped someone into a secret pit in . . . oh, three weeks or so. Kappa knew he wasn't supposed to be singing rap music in the halls. It upsets Pepe so."

She heard a lot of things besides her employer's penchant for punishing minor offenses by dropping people into death traps. Like his dog Pepe - apparently a lot of things upset him.

"So why did you bust me out? Is E-Cool coming too?"

"Well, my dear Jaqui, I'm afraid you'll be operating on your own from now on. E-Cool will go on using computers in a prison library under tight supervision for some time to come," Gemini said smoothly. "I have no need of thieves at this time, especially those who are defeated by Kim Possible and her crew."

"Look, about that - "

"Think nothing of it," he interrupted. "I don't expect people to beat Team Possible on their first try. You've had your nose bloodied - "

"It was worse than bloodied."

"Figure of speech, Jaqui. What matters is that you've faced them once already. The second time will be entirely old hat for you."

"I have to fight them again?" she asked dubiously.

"Probably. You are about to become my newest Alpha. You will be my personal guard from now on."

"What happened to the old Alpha?"

Gemini raised a finger. "Ah yes. I almost forgot. He'll be dropping out of sight . . . now." He pressed a button on the wrist of his robotic hand. "Where were we again? Yes, Alpha. And when one is about to threaten the Earth with global destruction, generally one expects Kim Possible to poke her nose where it doesn't belong."

"And where doesn't her nose belong this time?" Jaqui asked. "Underwater base? Cloaked airship?"

"Not exactly, but it DOES involve a ship. A spaceship, to be precise."

"What?"

"Don't worry, Jaqui, the moon is quite lovely this time of year."

The End. (To be concluded in "Under the Milky Way Tonight")