The Love Letter Lovelies
by Glee-chan
Part VI
31.
Kaede Ozawa stepped out of the temple where Maria's family were holding the funeral. She was holding Makoto's hand, who was sobbing. Kaede felt like crying too, but she had no more tears left to shed. The past few days had been filled with them. She and Shiho had taken to sleeping together at night, crying and holding each other. Then she would see Makoto during the day and cry some more. Worst of all was Yui. Everyone surrounded her like a blanket. Shiho had taken the brunt of the comforting duties, but Kaede found herself wanting to do more. All she could think about was Maria's last words.
"Yui-chan." A person behind Kaede had called.
It was as if the speaker had read Kaede's mind. She snapped back into reality and saw Emiko Morimoto go up to the tall girl and hug her. They had met when Yui was discharged from the hospital and had a private talk. Kaede and the other Lovelies didn't know the extent of the conversation, but ever since then Yui and Emiko looked as if they shared a bond.
"I still can't believe it." Makoto whimpered.
Kaede drew her eyes away from Yui and Emiko's embrace and squeezed Makoto's hand. Her mind returned to Maria's last thoughts. "I think… I think in the end Maria thought I was her."
Kaede didn't know why she said it. She had been thinking it all this time, but she hadn't told anyone. No one knew but Makoto that Maria's last word was Yui's name. Both of them decided that it might be too difficult to tell Yui so soon after Maria's death, but the choking voice of Maria kept Kaede up at night.
"Maybe." Makoto whispered in a slightly whiny voice. "But I think she wanted us to look after her."
Kaede nodded, not really agreeing. She wanted to be strong for Makoto. She wanted to be strong for Yui. But for the first time since she could remember, she felt like a little girl.
Yui walked over to them and they all exchanged hugs. When they pulled back, Kaede noticed that Emiko grabbed Yui's hand. Something was definitely going on between them.
"Everyone had such nice things to say about her." Emiko said after a moment of silence. "I wish I knew her longer than I did… she seemed such a great person."
Yui lowered her eyebrows. "That wasn't who she was at all."
Makoto gasped. "Yui-chan!"
"All those people talking about Maria, like she was some sort of saint. She wasn't. That wasn't her at all!" Yui sniffed, as a tear rolled down her cheek. "Maria was't perfect. She was a self centered, insecure, impulsive, and a pervert. She had a crush on her own sister. She liked phone sex. She drooled over every pretty girl she saw. She liked embarrassing people, but hated being embarrassed herself. She hated being a called a haafu, and she hated being different."
Like everyone else around her, Kaede wanted Yui to stop. She was getting louder and those around her were starting to eavesdrop. But Yui squeezed Emiko's hand tighter and kept going.
"Leaving these things out of her character detracts from who she was. Maria was a person, not a saint. She knew about her flaws and worked every day to become better. When she did something impulsive, she apologized right away. She hid her insecurity about her appearance by becoming beautiful. And she fought daily to not give in to her natural perverted impulses. Sometimes she failed, but on most days she didn't!"
"Yui-chan… enough." Makoto whispered.
"Maria was one of the most caring person I ever met. She might not have thought it herself, but when it came to others, she placed herself in the backseat." Yui paused then laughed a bit. "She would grumble and gripe the whole time as she helped others, but she would always go through with it before thinking about herself. No one really saw that part of her, just the grumbling. But I bet if all of you thought really hard, you could remember something Maria did for you that you hadn't thought of until just now."
"She's right." Shiho must of joined them when Kaede hadn't noticed. "That's how she was."
"It was because she was a pervert that she was compassionate. It was because she was self-centered that she was overly kind to others. And it was because she was impulsive that she did random acts of kindness. I tried my best to live up to her generosity. I realize that no one knew that side of her, but my personality is a direct result from Maria's. I wanted to be just like her. I love her. I always will."
Emiko and Shiho both hugged Yui, touched by her eulogy. Yui shook her head and wiped another tear from her face. " I just … I just wanted everyone to know the Maria that I knew. She's not perfect… she's Maria."
"We know, Yui-chan." Shiho comforted her.
After they all said their goodbyes, and Emiko volunteered to take Yui home, Kaede, Shiho, and Makoto all headed for the Ozawa Inn. Kaede thought about what Yui had said. She wondered why everyone's opinion changed on a person when they died. Kaede herself was not very fond of Maria. She had once seen her as a rival because she was so beautiful. She even felt a certain satisfaction when Makoto chose her over the Maria. But when Maria was lying dying on the street Kaede had prayed with all her might, begging for God to save Maria.
"Who is that girl that's suddenly been hanging around?" Makoto asked, breaking Kaede from her thoughts.
"She's in the Kendo Club." Kaede answered with the only information she had. "I think she and Maria were close."
Shiho looked uneasy, obviously having more information then the two of them had. "She's Maria's girlfriend… well ex-girlfriend I guess."
"Since when did that happen?" Makoto asked.
"I don't know, Yui-chan didn't tell me the details. She was just happy that Maria found someone before she died."
"But… wasn't Yui-chan in love with Maria also?" Makoto pressed on.
"Yeah, seems you noticed that too. I guess the only one who hadn't figured it out was Maria herself."
Kaede wondered about that. Obviously Maria cared a great deal for Yui, her last thoughts where of the girl. "I'm quite surprised that Yui-chan didn't shut down."
"That's right. After Maria's death she worked extra hard so she could leave the hospital and everything."
Shiho smiled a bit. "I thought she'd freak out too. But I think Maria gave her a little bit of her strength when she died. Yui-chan seems determined to live now. Maybe that's not such a bad idea… living for the moment and not being so worried about tomorrow. You never know when a bus will run you over."
Kaede hated the way Shiho worded that, but didn't disagree with her. She looked down at Makoto who seemed like she was in serious thought about something. She was entering into one of her spacey-moments, so Kaede left her to it. They all walked in silence for the time being, each thinking about Yui-chan and Maria. As they entered the Inn, Shiho went to her room to grieve on her own. Kaede took Makoto into her room, but the two remained quiet.
"I've decided." Makoto said after a long moment. "Kaede-chan, I want to come out to my family now."
"Hmm?" Kaede found the subject change jarring a bit, though she didn't show it.
"It's what Shiho-chan said. You never know when you're going to die. Who knows what unfinished things Maria wanted to do but can't now? What if I die tomorrow and my parents don't even know the real me?"
"Are you sure this is what you want to do?" Kaede asked her.
Before Makoto had played with the idea. Then Shiho moved in. With all the dramatics of Shiho's coming out party, Makoto had shied away from the thought, fearing a similar fate. But now she was singing a different tune. Kaede didn't want Makoto to do something impulsive simply because Shiho thought it was a good idea.
"I'm scared… but I know if coming out is as bad as how Shiho-chan's family reacted then I can come here…. right?"
Kaede nodded silently.
"Then… then I have nothing to worry about." Makoto said, then rambled. "Just the hatred of my family… no big deal."
"Do you want me to come along?" Kaede wondered if her being there would be easier.
"I don't know." Makoto thought about it. "If things go bad then … I don't know… It might be a bit much if I push a girlfriend on them at the same time as me saying I'm gay, right? I don't know… " Makoto whined.
Once again Makoto was being her indecisive self. Normally Kaede would step in and sort things out for her. But coming out was too important of a decision for Kaede to do that with. Makoto had to figure this out on her own. Feeling she could do nothing else she leaned over and kissed Makoto on the cheek.
"I'll do whatever you need me to."
"Oh Kaede-chan." Makoto hugged her. "I'm so scared."
"You can wait a little while longer if you want." Kaede reminded her.
"No, I can't keep this from them any longer." Makoto looked determined at least on this point. "Yui-chan is using Maria's strength, so I will too."
Not sure how to answer to that Kaede just held her. Makoto slipped into her own mind again. She always had this look on her face when she did it. Kaede liked watching her.
"I think you should come." Makoto said after a moment. "I won't say you're my girlfriend until I scope out the situation. If they get mad, they might take it out on you if they know who you are."
"You shouldn't deceive to them while you're attempting to be honest." Kaede pointed out.
"But they might say bad things to you."
"I don't mind." Kaede said, knowing she wouldn't. She didn't even know them, it didn't matter what they thought of her.
Makoto kissed her. Kaede wasn't expecting it, and once again it was more like a headbutt. Thankfully they both were sitting so they both just fell over onto the bed. Rubbing her head, Kaede gave her small smile at Makoto, reminded of their first kiss. Thankfully there was no bloody noses this time.
Makoto laughed. "I really need to stop doing that."
"I don't mind." Kaede told her then pulled Makoto's body over hers. "Try again."
Makoto kissed her softly this time. Kaede wrapped her arms over her neck and kissed back. She loved it when Makoto took the lead. Truth was that in regards to romance, Kaede felt more bashful, even if she put on airs. She could talk about how she loved kissing and having sex with Makoto all she wanted, but once they were alone, Makoto was in charge. Kaede loved surrendering herself to her.
As Makoto's hand was reaching down to her leg, a knock came from Kaede's door. Swearing Makoto pulled herself off of Kaede, and straightened her hair. Kaede sat up, slightly frustrated as Makoto slide open the door. Shiho was standing out in the hall, red faced with her glasses sitting on top of her head as her eyes were wet and puffy. She came in uninvited and sat next to Kaede, sniffing loudly.
"I can't be alone right now. I'm sorry if I interrupted anything."
"No, it's okay." Makoto spoke kindly, but Kaede could tell she was a bit frustrated.
"What are you two doing." Shiho said after a beat.
"Making out." Kaede said truthfully.
"Right." Shiho, laughed awkwardly. "I thought so. Sorry."
"No, no…" Makoto sat down next to her. "I said it was okay, didn't I?"
"Why am I so sad about Maria?" Shiho sniffed again. "I mean, I liked her alright, but out of everyone in the group she was… I don't know… to me she was the odd one out."
"Perhaps you feel guilty for excluding her?" Kaede suggested.
"Maybe." Shiho thought. "If you think about it, we were similar in a lot of ways."
Kaede disagreed. "Other than being loud you're completely dissimilar. She was a pervert and you're a prude."
"Gee, thanks for being so blunt Kaede-chan." Shiho rolled her eyes. "I'm not a prude…"
"I feel a bit guilty too." Makoto admitted, ignoring the prude comment. "After she hit on me, I sort of just wrote her off. But when you think about it, it was her who saved me from Izumi-chan… and helped me out when things were going bad between Kaede-chan…"
"She's the one who told me to give up on you when you told us you loved Kaede-chan" Shiho remembered. "She didn't want me to get hurt trying…"
Kaede had nothing to add. Maria had made a play at Makoto, and that was the extent of their relationship. She just remembered her broken body on the street, choking on her own blood calling for Yui. That's the Maria she saw in her mind. Not the girl they did.
"I'm going to take a bath." Kaede stood up. She didn't want to think about it anymore. The image of the bus slamming into Maria pledged her mind enough.
"Are you alright, Kaede-chan?" Makoto sensed she was upset.
"I'm fine." Kaede lied, then glanced at Shiho. "I'm not so good at talking about these kinds of things."
"Yeah." Shiho glanced at her. Even though they had been sharing a bed and crying together there was much talking going on. "If you don't mind I'll just borrow Mako-chan for a bit then."
Kaede nodded, feeling a lump form in her thought again. A flash of Maria's flying body hit her brain hard. She couldn't stand it anymore. She left the room without a further word.
"Yui-chan…Yui-chan…" Kaede's brain echoed in Maria's voice. Closing her eyes she shook her head, trying to clear her mind. Maria wouldn't shut up. She opened her eyes and went to the bath, ignoring Maria's final words play over and over in her head.
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