Story: But I'm A Girl (chapter 9)

Authors: Glee-chan

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Chapter 9

9.

"Her what?" I asked, forgetting to keep my voice low.

The girl's cheeks were pink. "Please don't make me say it again. We only just started going out and I'm sort of new to all of this."

I was dumbfounded. Before I knew it, the girl swept passed me and was by Miyu's side in an instant. I turned around and saw her holding a sleeping Miyu's hand. She had utter concern on her face, and was looking down on her like I imaged I was earlier. With pure love. A pinch started to form in my heart. This wasn't real.

"Uhmm." Miyu moaned, then blinked her eyes heavily awake.

I saw her look at her hand holder, being slightly confused for a moment, then full alertness. Then I saw her eyes shift towards me. Those eyes which I feel in love with were looking at me in panic. And I knew. This wasn't a joke.

"Well… I-I guess you'll be alright with… h-her here. So I-I'll just go now, okay?" I tried to sound natural.

"Akira-chan!" Miyu mumbled weakly.

It was cowardly of me to just leave when she couldn't get up, and was too weak to explain herself. But I couldn't take it. I didn't want too. I left, acting as if nothing was wrong. But as soon as the door was shut behind me tears fell down my cheek.

I ran. I ran as fast as I could. I didn't know where I was going, but it had to be somewhere, anywhere that was away from Miyu. Somehow I found myself at the public park where Miyu and I went on a date. It was like I was trying to torture myself. I walked over to the tree where I placed her hand up my shirt, fell to the ground and cried my eyes out. People were watching me, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore.

I got home late. I guess I must of looked scary because Mom didn't scold me for being out so late. Even my brother didn't try to tease me. I went to bed with my dirty clothes on, not caring. All I could see was that girl holding Miyu's hand, and Miyu's scared face when she realized I knew what was going on. How could she do that to me?

I skipped school the next day. I left the house so my parents wouldn't get worried about me, but I didn't go to class. I just found myself walked around town until school was out, then I returned home. I had left my phone home, so when I arrived there was about 50 messages from Miyu. I didn't bother checking them. I didn't want to hear it.

The next day I knew I couldn't avoid going not going to class anymore. I knew I'd see her. I returned to my brother's clothes again, I needed something comforting now. Being in school was nerve wracking. Any moment I expected Miyu to pop up and want to have the talk I was dreading. I didn't want hear it.

At lunch I decided to eat somewhere that I never had been before. It would lessen the chances that I'd see her. As I started to unwrap my bento, I saw Akiko join me, as if I had invited her. I wasn't in the mood for this today.

"What do you what?" I asked her gloomily.

"What happened?" She asked.

"I just wanted to wear this today is all." I informed her, thinking that's what she was on me for.

"No. Something happened, you look horrible."

"Not as pretty as you thought, huh?" I grumbled and munched on something in my bento. I didn't even know what it was.

"I didn't mean it like that." Akiko said, not giving up. "Just tell me. I won't judge you."

"It's none of-"

"-my business, yeah yeah yeah. It's like you're go-to line. You need new material."

"Can't you just leave me alone? I don't want to deal with this today."

"Ugh. You're acting like you got dumped." Akiko rolled her eyes. But something in my face gave me away. "Oh God, you got dumped didn't you?"

"I told you to leave me alone." I couldn't swallow whatever was in my mouth, there was a lump forming in my throat.

Akiko placed her bento down and gave me a hug. I pushed her away but she hugged me again. Just like out of a stupid manga. I cried again.

"S-She has another girlfriend." I told Akiko when I pulled away from her embrace.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Thankfully Akiko had nothing more to say on the matter and just sat with me in silence while I tried to choke down my lunch. Even though I hated her guts sometimes, it was nice to have someone just next to me. When lunch was over she tentatively told me I could talk to her whenever I wanted, and gave me her number.

I finished out the rest of the day in somewhat over a daze. I couldn't really concentrate on anything, I just kept thinking of Miyu. I forced myself to focus on other things, but if it wasn't Miyu's face I saw, it was the other woman. The other woman… how preposterous. I thought.

When I left the school I had a feeling in my stomach that I'd run into Miyu at our usual meeting spot. I stopped, unsure if I wanted to face her just yet. But dread filled me. Eventually I'd have to face her. I swallowed and summoned all of my courage and went on.

Sure enough, there she was. She still looked slightly pale from her illness, but was just as pretty as ever. My stomach was doing flip-flops when her eyes turned to me, zoning in on mine. Those eyes that betrayed me.

"Akira-chan… can we talk?" She spoke in a slightly shaking voice.

I nodded.

She took me by the hand. I wanted to swat them away, but as she led me away I just followed quietly. She took me to an outdoor cafe. Maybe so I couldn't cause a scene and just leave on her… I don't know. We ordered some tea, but sat in without saying anything as I saw her trying to work out how to explain everything to me. I just wanted to leave.

"Who was she?" I forced myself to say, just trying to get Miyu to hurry up and get it over with.

"Risa Fukuyama." Miya said automatically, as if she was on some kind of truth serum. "She's in some of my classes."

"I see." I looked away, unable to take her gaze.

"She confessed to me a week before I c-confessed to you." Miyu went on. "I accepted her, but I was scared. I thought maybe I should ask out a boy because-"

"-you didn't want to be a freak." I finished bitterly.

"Nothing like that… I told you I'm fine with girl relationships. But I never thought I'd be in one. I thought I'd try out asking a guy. Only he turned out to be you. So here I was, dating Risa and starting to get to know you. I only was just going to go on that one date…but…"

"So you were trapped huh?" I tried not to sound angry, but I wasn't doing so well at it.

"Y-Yeah. At first I just went along with what Risa wanted because I didn't have the courage to say no. I never went out with anyone before and it was really nice. But our date turned out so great and when we kissed… I knew there was something there. Things just kept leading to another and before I knew it I had two girlfriends."

I couldn't say anything. I wanted to hate her, even if I could understand her reasoning. She was the shy type, it must of been hard for her. But at the same time she should have just picked one of us. I couldn't help but be angry at her.

"Both of you are special to me." Miyu was still staring at me. "It kills me that I hurt you."

"Who are you going to pick?" I blurted out. Even now, I'm insensitive about this sort of thing.

"I'm sorry, Akira-chan." Miyu's eyes were away from me now. I found I missed them. "I care for you a great deal, but Risa was first… and I love her. I already told her I was going to..to… to break up with you."

"I see." I started to get up. "Sorry if I messed things up with her."

"Akira-chan…" Miyu looked at me pathetically. "I'm so sorry! Can you ever forgive me?"

"I don't know." I couldn't look at her anymore. "I changed everything for you… I… I.."

I don't even remember leaving. I was just walking. I can't even remember if Miyu said anything to me as I left, or if I paid for the tea, anything. My life was shattered right then and there. I didn't even know where I was until I was snapped back into reality when I saw the other woman, sitting on a swing looking throughly depressed and red eyed. She saw me, and both our tear stained eyes met. Somehow I ended up sitting on the swing next to her.

"She dumped you then?" Risa asked.

"Yeah."

"You hate me?"

"Not really." I told her. "You didn't know about me."

"Yeah." She muttered. "I almost told her to go to hell when she begged for me to forgive her."

I looked at her, oddly feeling connected to her. Out of everyone in the world, only us two knew what the other felt like at this moment.

"I gave myself to her." Risa spoke softly. "Everything. And she did that to me."

"Why'd you take her back?"

"Because… I'm an idiot. I love her too much." Risa looked depressed. "It's her eyes."

My heart stung. "Yeah…"

There was a small a long time of nothing but birds chirping when finally Risa spoke. "Did you… did you ever…"

"Sleep with her?" I asked."

Risa only nodded.

"No. I'm not lying. We never got to that point." I assured her.

"I hate her so much." Risa sniffed. "But can't live without her. I'm such an idiot."

I looked at her feeling a sting in my heart. "No you're not. If she picked me… I'd stay with her too."

We both cried. I hated myself but I took a slight comfort that Risa hated herself more. When I left her, I wished her good luck, and meant it. In my mind she was a sweet girl who deserved better than what she got. I deserved better. Miyu wasn't as shy and innocent as I thought, and my whole world was different. Now what was I going to do? I reached into my pocket and felt a piece of paper then and remembered what it was. It was Akiko's number.

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