My lungs are burning, sides screaming in protest with each step and breath I take, but I keep running. There's a thick cloud of smoke in the night air which isn't helping my efforts any, but I need to keep moving. Keep moving or die, and I'm not much interested in dying today.
I'm sure none of us were when we got on the school bus yesterday morning, laughing and teasing each other like we always did. There were thirty-two of us then and maybe we weren't all the best of friends, some not at all, but I doubt anyone imagined we would find ourselves in this situation. In this fuckass program.
Last time I checked, there was twelve of us left. Maybe less now after the explosion.
Gog, how do things keep getting more and more fucked up? Yes, the explosion was my fault. I was trying to find a way to get off this shitty island in one piece with hopefully my remaining classmates, the ones not out of their minds yet, unfortunately, I only ended up succeeding in blowing up two abandoned houses that may or may not have held two or three of my fellow classmates -- friends -- within. The resulting blast injured my shoulder, but that was better than my legs or hands.
I have to stop and rest because I'm almost positive I'm going to pass out if I don't. Shit. Fuck. Ass. Fuckass shit.
Tears roll down my cheeks from the effort as I force myself on, trying to break clear of the smoke before even thinking of giving in to my desire to rest. Eventually though, I slip, because why the hell not? Everything else has gone to shit and I might have accidentally just killed two or three of my friends, so of course, I should fall.
Seeing the rock I will clock my head on as I fall does not make it any less painful when I do slam into it.
*
I come to slowly. The sense of consciousness makes me immediately sick and an experimental twitch of fingers screams pain and achyness throughout my body, but, I'm alive. How the hell did I manage that?
Opening my eyes gives me an immediate answer. Violet eyes are peering down at me and the black painted lips beneath them are pressed tightly together in a thin line. It's rare for that face to show so much worry for anyone and it catches me more off-guard than the explosion did. Seeing me smile weakly at her brings a sigh of relief from the black lips before they move down and lock onto mine. She steals my breath away with that kiss and it's so delicious after all that's happened.
I don't deserve it though, but I won't look a gift hoofbeast in the mouth either.
"Rose," I try to say, but my throat is dry and I start coughing.
Twisting my torso to prevent myself from choking on my own spit proves to be one of the worst ideas I've had in a long time. Pain right now is not just a promise for bad kids, but the boogeyman leaping out of the closet and eating you up in it's broken, jagged teeth, slowly, so that you can feel every single puncture of teeth through flesh and bone. If not for Rose's quick reaction, I probably would have blacked out and fallen face first onto the ground. Instead, she eases me back onto the table I somehow managed to get atop of, where I gasp from the howling pain in my head. I want to press my head between my hands until the pain eases but I'm terrified to investigate the wrapping I can feel is wrapped around my forehead.
"You really shouldn't move, at least not quickly," she says. Her voice is scolding, but even worst is the amount of panic she's just barely hiding beneath her words.
I grunt in agreement and close my eyes, hoping to alleviate some of the pain pounding through my entire head and my previously injured shoulder - a flesh wound only, but not any less painful right now. Hell, even my teeth ache. I can hear Rose digging around in a bag, the canvas rustling as her hand moves until she finds whatever she's looking for and pulls it out with a small 'ah'. Risking a peek, I see her opening a small white bottle and shaking out two pills from within.
"I know you really rather not, nor do I really want you to, but if you could lift your head up somewhat so I can get these painkillers into you without fear of you choking on them, or water, that would be excellent."
"Okay," I croak.
With far more than a little effort, I lift my head as she asks and she feeds me the pills one at a time, following them up with sips from a water bottle. The water is ambrosia on my parched tongue and throat. She wipes my mouth with a swipe of her thumb and helps me slowly set my head back down.
"Lucky thing you got painkillers in your bag," I say.
"They weren't in my bag when we started."
Even with my glasses on, my vision is somewhat blurry, and I'm not really surprised by that because I do recall braining myself on a rock in the vicinity of my forehead some time ago. How my glasses survived that, I don't know. My hand finds Rose's as, despite my blurriness, I take in the look in her eyes she tries to blink away.
"How many have you killed?" I ask.
Her eyes refuse to meet mine. "A few."
"Rose, suppressing it really isn't going to help yourself, and if you're doing it to protect me, than that's even dumber because I have blood on my hands too."
This time she meets my eyes when she speaks again. "Eight. I killed eight of our friends." She pauses briefly and her face sags slightly when she speaks again. "But I found the painkillers in Kanaya's bag. I was too late to help her."
I grip her hand tighter and stupidly force myself to sit up. The motion makes me throw up, and I'm only just able to turn my face to puke off the other side of the table in time to prevent a pissed off girlfriend. When I'm done, I wipe my trembling lips on the back of my free hand and turn to face Rose, whose hand I've held on to the whole while.
"Gross." Rose's voice is slightly teasing.
"Ergh, yeah, really gross. I'm sorry you had to see that."
"It's not your best moment, but certainly not your worst. I forgive you."
"Oh, well that makes me feel so much better about puking in front of you." For a moment, we both laugh before I pull her into a slightly awkward hug. Which would have been less awkward if my breath didn't reek like vomit right now.
"I'm sorry about Kanaya," I blurt out. "I know you would expect me to be happy or mad or something, because she was your ex and all, but I never wanted her to die. I don't want any of us to die. But you two were close, and fuck, I'm not helping any, am I?"
Tears are falling down my cheeks now and I wipe at them angrily, not wanting to cry because I've managed not to do so thus far. I don't have time to waste on being weak in this situation, even though it's not the worst thing in the world to spend a moment to mourn the dead with a few tears. Actually, I know it's not the worst thing in the world because we're currently playing a game that is easily the worst thing in the world. The game of life or death.
"Unfortunately, it was inevitable. Either she or I, or possibly both of us, was eventually going to die during this ordeal as only one person can win this laughable thing they call a game. I hate that it sounds like I haven't been concerned about you because I've been anything but. Fate led me to find you unconscious and bleeding in the woods not too far away from here." She pauses, looking distant. "So much blood."
I notice she doesn't include me among those that could possible die during this game, but I don't dwell on it as I squeeze her hand. Wishful thinking on her part, but I would much rather it be impossible for either of us to die during this game. More her than I. She's too wonderful to die so young. Me, I'm just, whatever.
Rose kisses my cheek when she finishes, relief clear in her eyes behind the tears she's attempting not to let fall. A thought occurs to me, forcing me to frown slightly in thought.
"How did you get me here? You're not exactly the tallest, or physically strongest, person in the class, no offense, but even Karkat is -- was -- taller than you."
Karkat was in one of the houses I blew up, my stomach reminds me with a sick clench that I ignore.
"Roxy," Rose answers, the corner of her mouth turning down slightly. "I was traveling with Roxy and it was us that came across you. She picked you up like you were her bride-to-be and actually jogged here with you. I spent my whole time in her company constantly impressed by her physical capabilities given her leanness and alcohol addiction. Amazingly, she even managed to find alcohol somewhere on this island, that lush. Still, when I pried the bottle away from her, it helped me clean your wound."
"Where is she now?"
"She left some time ago. Said she heard someone out in the woods close by and was going to lead them off to help give you time to recuperate."
"Will she be back?" I asked, suspecting the answer.
"Doubtfully, and if she does, we'll be gone by then."
Because she'll probably be out to kill us, she doesn't add, but I can see the words clear in the way she purses her lips.
By now, Rose has helped me rinse out my mouth, gotten another painkiller down my throat, noticing I had yakked up the other ones, and had laid me back down on the table. As we spoke, I alternated between staring up at the ceiling and trying to pick out her various expressions as she spoke. When she falls silent, I playfully yank at her hand and scoot over despite the screaming protests that explode throughout my body at the simple action.
"Come and lay down with me."
"Someone needs to keep guard."
"Let's pretend Roxy is still out there somewhere nearby, keeping us safe from afar. Lay down with me, please?"
With a bit of hesitance, she stretches out her body beside mine, resting her arm beneath her head to look at me, a hand on my stomach. I smile my biggest and dorkiest grin at her, hoping I looked extra buck-toothed and silly despite my wrapped up forehead. After a moment of resistance, she grins back, the action more subdued and reserved than mine, but it was a victory nevertheless.
"Jade?" Rose says after a long time, during which I had closed my eyes as the painkillers began to work.
"Hm?"
"I love you."
Opening my eyes, Rose looks so much younger in that moment. More seven than fourteen. I pull her into me, placing my hand behind the back of her head and kissing her mouth. We kiss until we have to break away for air and even then I go back in for a second round of her lips, smearing her lipstick graciously with my tongue and lips. Her eyes are slightly hazy when I finally let her breath properly.
"I love you too," I say, because I do. Have since the first moment that we became friends in kindergarten and even moreso since we began dating.
She smiles, true and large - a rare sight, and snuggles her face into my side with her hand holding my hip. Kissing the top of her head and resting a protective arm against the small of her back, I fall asleep pretending we are taking a nap on the grass of my backyard.
*
When I wake up this time, Rose is gone and there are gunshots ringing out in the air. Shit.
It's a relief to find that sitting up does not immediately cause me anywhere near the amount of distress from the last time I tried it. My rifle is resting against the table and with some relief, I find I can take it up and stand without the world spinning too much around me. I'm out the door by the time someone screams and then silence rings deafening in my ears.
The body on the ground is thankfully not Rose's. She's standing a few feet away though, still staring down the barrel of the magnum gun in her hands at the unmoving body. I'm not sure whether I find myself suddenly terrified in that moment because she might be injured, might shoot me, or because her body is trembling violently, her eyes blank. Keeping a hold on my rifle, I slowly skirt around the body and come up to Rose from her side.
"Rose... Put down the gun."
With a careful hand, I reach out and gently push down on it so she can understand what I'm trying to say. After several more pleas and pushes, she manages to woodenly drop her arms, but tension is still buzzing wildly beneath her skin as I pry her hands off the gun. When it's out of her hands, I put the safety on before tucking it into the back of my jeans. I had had a dress on the day we boarded the school bus that would seal our fate, but when I woke up after being gassed, I found the skirt part of my dress cut away crudely and my legs in jeans. Bastards. At least I was able to do things like tuck a loaded and powerful gun that I had just pried out of my girlfriend's hands into a place where it would still be handy in case someone else tried to get the drop on us.
"What happened?" I ask, pulling Rose into a hug.
I make sure her hands hold my shoulders as opposed to my waist.
She's silent for a long time before answering. "I heard someone outside and had hoped they would just pass on by, but he looked in through one of the windows and managed to spot us. I rushed out to subdue him before he caused any trouble, but he hit me in the side with a club. The asshole laughed when I fell to my knees in pain and then he attempted to... To... Fuck, Jade. I was so scared and all I could think of was not that I was about to get raped but that once he was done with me, I would be helpless to stop him from going after you."
Her face is a wreck of tears and barely contained sobs. Never once in all the years I've known Rose have I ever seen her this broken and emotional. It broke my heart in ways I thought only possible by the death of my dog, but this was ten times worst because this wasn't my dog. This was my girlfriend. This was Rose Lalonde, Ice Queen of Skaia High School. She was witty and sharp and unbreakable. beautiful in all the ways I wasn't. Only, now she was beyond broken. Wrecked. Destroyed. Obliterated.
To put it in the words of a possibly dead friend (he had been alive last I had checked, but I didn't know anymore) of ours who had been excellent at this kind of metaphoric diarrhea:
she was a plane crash about to happen
spinning wildly in the air
tail and wings on fire
pilot asleep or dead at the wheel
cockpit locked and someone accidentally flushed the keys down the toilet
and the stewardess is refusing to shut off the shitty in-flight movie
so you have no choice but to die watching nic cage try to attempt a southern twang
and keep a bunch of convicts from causing all kinds of bad shit
while conveniently aboard an airplane
Yeah, Dave had had quite a way with words and irony.
"Oh gog, Rose. Relax, please. It's... It's okay now. You killed him. He can't hurt you or me or anyone ever again. Oh gog, please, Rose. I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I'm so sorry. Please, Rose."
"I had to protect you," she said before falling apart.
I hold her tight and cry against the top of her head as she cries into my chest and neck. For a long time, we don't move. We just stand there and cry. Sitting ducks, easy for the picking.
Lucky for us, no one came hunting.
*
Turns out, the dead body belonged to the big guy no one talked to in class. He had been left behind two or three times and was quite large and intimidating. No one was positive of his real name because everyone knew him only as GHB, and no one dared try to figure out what it stood for. We think he was Kurloz's older brother, but the two never said anything about it.
Rose tells me later that by then, there was only six of us left, five now that he was dead.
I don't ask who has died since I last checked so I don't have to know exactly who was left aside from her and I. I enjoy that semi-blissful ignorance at this point.
After we grab his bag and check his body for anything useful, we collect the rest of our stuff and decide it's time to move on. The gunshots have probably attracted others to the area and if no one has found us yet, it's only a matter of time before they did. I set the club GHB had used to hurt Rose on fire and leave it burning near his body. If the wind picks up and blows the flames onto the body, then all the better, but I wasn't going to outright set a body on fire because that was a little much, even for this game.
We walk through the woods in silence, heading away from the explosion I had caused close to twelve hours ago. I didn't dare ask too many questions about Rose's fight with GHB, but she eventually divulges the information on her own, likely in an attempt to free up the thoughts churning in her mind. She tells me that she had used her secondary gag weapon on him - knitting needles that she had sharpen with a rock to be lethal weapons. They allowed her enough time to get away far enough to use the magnum that had been her primary weapon from the beginning of the game. Lucky for her because my original weapon had been a single grenade and my secondary gag weapon were Chinese fire snaps, which I hadn't used a single one of because they were kinda useless. I ended up having to use a rock to defend myself the first time I got into a fight. It was lucky I ended up going against that creepy pervert Eridan. He was all talk and even though he could use the rifle he had, in the end, he was ridiculously easy to get the upper-hand on.
Score one for the girl with the crazy grandfather that had a thirst for hunting, blue ladies, and making sure his only grandchild knew how to defend herself.
I'm glad he was dead though and wasn't being forced to watch this unfold on television like the other parents were - the ones that had survived the initial news of their child's fate.
I force myself to stand tall as we walk, trying to keep the slight blur around my vision from continuing or slowing me down but despite all the rest I had, I was still a mess. Still, I'm sure I had more rest than any of the others left have managed to have, including Rose, which makes me feel a bit guilty. Especially considering what happened and what almost happened.
Some time later, about two in the afternoon, according to the sun, we stop and have a shitty meal of granola bars, collected berries, and water inside an overturned car. It looked like people had just flipped it over for the hell of it because there were no signs of it being in a collision and most of the glass was still in place. It was unusual, but it kept us hidden and allowed us to eat peacefully.
"I always imagined my final meal would be a bit more elegant than this," Rose says, wiping her mouth on a handkerchief.
"Don't talk like that."
"Jade, I hold no illusions that I have any actual chances at surviving this game."
She doesn't sound upset, just worn out.
"I'm going to make sure we survive."
"How noble. And perhaps this will be the year they allow two psychologically scarred teens to walk out of this nightmare, hand in hand. We'll walk straight into the sunset like they do at the end of a fairy tail. It will be a wonderful story to tell our children before they go to bed at night."
"Rose, please don't give up so easily. I need you."
She takes a long drink of her water and refuses to say another word.
*
There's an announcement around six that says if there isn't only one survivor by midnight, we are all going to die. I finger the metal collar around my throat nervously while Rose remains so silent that I begin to wonder if she'll ever speak again. We're sitting in the upstairs of a house on the northwestern end of the island. The sun still has less than an hour before it will disappear into the horizon. She takes my hand a little after the announcement and leads me outside onto the roof of the house.
"It's going to our last sunset together," she finally says, her words full of conviction as she entwines her fingers with mine. "We should watch it."
I nod sadly and together we get comfortable beside the chimney stack; my back presses against the brick and Rose nestles between my legs. She tucks her head under my chin and holds my arms closer to her when I put them around her, and we wait in the silence.
*
There's another announcement at nine. It wakes me up with a start and I'm surprised I had fallen asleep at all. We're still on the roof but now Rose's front is pressed again mine. After the sunset, she had turned around and kissed me before putting her arms around me and settling her head against my shoulder. I guess that must've been around the time we fell asleep because now we're both yawning, but listening to the rest of the announcement.
'I strongly suggest the remaining players should meet up in the D4 zone before it's too late for all of you, and I'm sure no one wants that. So yes, all of you should head to D4 and let's get on with the show!'
The voice is too cheery as it nudges us to our demise.
"It's probably a trap," I say.
"To a degree. The trap really is that we will finally be face to face with those that are left."
"How many do you think are left?"
"Early this morning, it was six, before I shot that one person." I don't comment or react to the fact that she doesn't name GHB. "With it being the final day, or rather, night, I'm sure there's significantly less than that by now. Possibly, it could just be the two of us left."
She says it so matter-of-factly, as if the possibility of it just being her and I subtracts any from the fact that one of us will have to kill the other to win. My stomach knots and the food I had eaten earlier that day threatens to make a reappearance. I open my mouth to argue, because I've always argued about finding the silver lining in everything, no matter how dire the situation, but I close it with a cold lump in my throat.
Arguing is pointless now. Maybe if I had been successful in my endeavors yesterday, Rose and I, and maybe even Roxy and Karkat and whoever else that wasn't getting their rocks off playing this game, would have had a chance now. I fucked up though. It was my fault only one of us was going to survive in the end. There's a burn behind my eyes where I know tears are trying to well up, but I push them down with my anger. Anger for this whole mess. Anger for a government that didn't care about its' people. Anger for that asshat Scratch and the way he was so jovial as he suggested the survivors meet up to kill each other already.
But mostly, I'm angry at myself for failing.
*
According to our maps, the D4 zone is only an hour's walk away from our current location. We wait until nine-thirty before we give up pretending as if we're not about to march to our own deaths. I take Rose's hand when we exit the house, and give her a nod before we head off. We force ourselves to talk because we need the distraction. Silence would feel too much like a funeral procession.
"Remember when we were kids," I say, smiling at the memory, "and we had to write those essays about what we wanted to be when we grew up? I wrote I wanted to become an explorer like my grandpa and you said you wanted to be a witch."
"Yes, I remember." Rose says with a hint of embarrassment. "Everyone teased me until you, John, Dave, and myself pulled that prank on the entire class."
I laugh at the memory. "We didn't do much. You were the genius mastermind behind it all."
"Partially. John was the pranking expert, I just elaborated on one of his ideas and, well, I hadn't meant for it to be quite that successful."
"Hee hee! Remember how scared the teacher was and how Karkat started bawling when he thought you really could levitate the desks?"
"And Equius broke the classroom door trying to get out!" Rose giggles. Gog, I almost forgot how sweet her giggling was.
"If it hadn't been for Aranea and Terezi being such killjoys, we would have totally gotten away with it."
"Yes, but it was definitely worth having Meenah and Vriska lose their shit in front of everyone like that. Even if they did chew us out for months afterward about embarrassing them in front of everyone."
"That was the best," I say, smiling.
"Yes." Rose agrees. "But not better than the first time we kissed."
My smile becomes a sly grin, blush rising to my cheeks. "No, definitely not better than that."
It was final period of the final day of seventh grade when it happened. We had been getting really close at the time, closer than we already were as best friends. Rose was sitting in the back of the room where she always sat beside the window. Her profile against the bright blue sky outside was just so perfect and beautiful. Something in me had clicked, like a puzzle piece falling into place. I was out of my seat and beside her without even realizing I had moved. Like space had bent around me and moved me closer to her. When she looked up, her violet eyes catching flakes of gold from the sun, I knew I had to kiss her.
"It was a good thing Porrim and Roxy told off the rest of the class when they started to leer and jeer or whatever it was they had been doing," I say. "I don't remember hearing much that day other than your surprised gasp and the teacher congratulating us but could you please Miss Harley go back to your seat and stop disrupting the class the bell will be ringing shortly enough."
Rose giggles again. I want to bottle the sound.
"You certainly knew how to sweep a girl off her feet."
"Knew? Ha!"
I set my rifle against a tree and scoop her up into my arms. Rose squeals and locks her arms around my neck so she couldn't fall. It makes my body ache everywhere but I don't care. I could have broken every bone in my body and still would have done it just to see her smile like that. One twirl around and I lean my back against the same tree my rifle is against and kiss her. We laugh and kiss and I feel no pain.
I would have given anything to freeze that moment forever.
*
D4 was a large zone, as was most of the other areas on the map, but it wasn't hard to figure out where everyone should meet up at. There was a large park near the center of the zone that could be seen clearly because it was atop a hill. Something about it drew the eye, and the legs, to it -- maybe it was because of the large floodlights surrounding it. The sort of good thing about the area was that the whole zone had been off limits until today, leaving it fairly new terrain for everyone. One of the few equal chances given to us in the game.
Vriska is sitting on a swing when we arrive, her blonde hair flying through the air as she swings back and forth carelessly. She laughs when she sees us and stops herself from swinging by digging her red sneakers heavily until the dirt beneath her. It's impossible to miss the fact that her left eye has suffered some kind of injury as the bandage covering it is dark brown in roughly the area of her eye. Her left arm too, has been injured pretty severely, with cuts running up and down its' length. There are only stray bandages here and there, likely covering the worst of the cuts, but there is no way she isn't in serious pain every time she moves it. Still, she uses it to wave at us in greeting and doesn't even flinch when she does so. Either her pain tolerance was amazing, the wounds were more superficial than I thought, or she had swallowed down a massive amount of painkillers.
I would've leaned toward the painkillers if it weren't for the fact that she was her same old annoying, somewhat cheery, but all bitchy, self.
"Of all the people I would have never imagined to make it this far, it's you two dweebs!" She looks equal parts amused and confounded by this. "Been shacked up somewhere and keeping a low profile?"
"Fuck you," I growl. "We've been out there just as much as you have been."
"Whatever, pup. I doubt you've done more than trip over your own two feet out there. Bet that's how you ended up hurting your head, right?"
I growl again, my earlier anger returning threefold at the way Vriska smirks and laughs at me. I was use to being teased, and I was super friendly, but some people really got under my skin. Like Vriska. I clutch Rose's hand tighter and only let go when I catch a glimpse of pain twitch over her face from the corner of my eye. Letting her hand go, I grasp my rifle tightly.
"Ah, I guess I touched on a sore spot, huh?"
I think about aiming at her and shooting her, but the truth is, aside from Eridan, I hadn't killed anyone else. Not on purpose. I was so useless and weak, I know, but I still intend to protect Rose anyway I can. She looks at my rifle and gives me a smug, uncaring shrug.
"So you gonna wait to see if anyone else shows up or what? Last I checked, there was six of us still alive. Whoops. I mean five."
I frown. "What do you mean?"
"I may or may not have found a certain blind girl wandering around in the woods earlier today, and I may or may not have thrown a noose around her pretty neck and strung her up in a tree."
"You killed your best friend?" I was floored by the news.
"Terezi understood that once we walked out of that school building with our bags, there was no such thing as friends, or lovers, anymore. We were all enemies that just happened to know each other on personal levels. Plus, she did this to me." Vriska gestures at her left eye and arm as if expecting sympathy from us.
"You're horrible."
"And you're a dweeb. At least we're honest with who we are." Vriska smirks at Rose. "At least, some of us are. Ain't that right, witch?"
Rose glares at her but remains otherwise silent.
"Am I too late for the reunion?"
We all look up to see a thin figure step out from between two floodlights nearby. Knocking back a bottle in her hand, Roxy gives us a lazy smile when she drops it down to her side. "Hey girls! How's it hanging?"
"Four of five makes it to the party," Vriska comments.
"No, this is the full party."
Vriska gives Rose a questioning look. "Don't tell me you two managed to kill someone?"
"Does that frighten you?" Rose asks.
"Ha, no. Whatever idiot it was probably was too stupid to have the commonsense to run away, or they just figured you two weren't worth the energy of being cautious around and you two got a lucky shot in."
"Would you like to test that theory?"
There was my Ice Queen again. A chill races through me as she steps forward, her weapon still concealed in her belt beneath her jacket but still managing to seem threatening. It was nice getting to see Vriska look somewhat uneasy by the motion. A bottle smashes between the three of us as Roxy laughs and holds her rifle at the ready.
"I think we should get this party started!" She exclaims, clearly plastered off her ass. But the way she smiles makes me step back slightly. There's something scary about the way Roxy sometimes smiled that often made me think of the way Rose's glare can freak someone out. They were really good friends, the two.
"Fine by me," Vriska laughs.
She takes out what look like blue dice from her pocket and throws several of them at the ground. They explode on impact and the whole place becomes a smoke filled choking mess. In the time it takes for me to adjust and cough, something slams into me and I'm on the ground with a grunt of pain. There's enough clear air down on the ground that I'm able to see a flash of silver coming at me. I slam out against it with the body of my rifle and there's a sharp clang of metal meeting metal. Rolling up to my feet immediately, I try to abscond to the edge of the smoke and almost miss when Vriska comes up beside me, her fist flying through the air at me.
Fist meets stomach and I almost double over but there's that flash of silver again, just on the edge of my peripheral, and I instead throw myself to the ground in a roll. She makes an annoyed sound as gunshots begin to ring out behind me. I remember Rose and it throws me off long enough for Vriska to finally slice my face. Luckily for me, she either misses her exact target or purposely aims too low, because all she does is cut my cheek from my jaw toward the corner of my mouth. It's a shallow cut too, another lucky thing for me, but I doubt my luck will last forever.
I roll away again and jump up to my feet, spinning around and firing my rifle at her. I miss her the first time, which is just insane because I always hit on my first shot, but the second shot rips apart her cut up arm. The close proximity of our fight allows my already high-powered rifle to literally leave only a strand of skin to connect her arm to her body. She drops to her knees and howls with pain as I watch on horrified by what I've done. There's blood all over her left side now and I step back when she grits her teeth in determination and brings the dagger in her right hand up and slices away her arm from her body.
My stomach churns, threatening vomit again, but I haven't eaten since early that afternoon so there's nothing to puke up. I get to evade the embarrassment to only further face the horror folding out in front of me. I have to give it up to her persistence and what I now know for a fact to be a high pain tolerance as she clenches her dagger between her teeth and pulls out a rag from her pocket. Somehow, she gets it around her bloody stump and ties it tightly with amazing dental and finger dexterity even despite the dagger in the way. I know I have plenty of time to finish her before she can fix herself up, but I'm still reeling in surprise by the whole horror show before me.
"Okay, Harley," she grinds out. "You want to play like that, fine."
There's more gunshots popping out just beyond the dissipating haze of smoke that's still lingering, but I try to tune them out and focus on Vriska. She removes more dice from her pocket and I'm too slow in aiming my rifle to stop her. They hit the ground, one even hits me in the leg, and I'm blind and choking once again. I shoot once at a rough guess of where Vriska might be standing at and then swing the butt of the rifle in hopes of hitting her before she can hit me. Her luck, unfortunately for me, takes a turn for the better and something sharp pierces my thigh just above the knee. I scream as its yanked out and hop backward awkwardly on one leg, trying to avoid anymore hits.
An elbow slams into the back of my head and for the second time in two days, my head explodes in pain. This time I do vomit as I drop forward on my hands and knees. Shit, shit, shit. I have to do something or I'm going to be killed. I get to my knees and roll away, but it's not as graceful as my earlier rolls. It gets the job done as I put a little distance between myself and Vriska. If I can't see through this smoke, than she can't either, but she probably had an idea of where I was standing which helped her find me. I roll again, tears spilling down my cheeks at the pain of moving like that, and put a little extra distance between us for safe measure. I turn around and find the edge of the cloud with a bit of relief.
But I pause before I get too close to it, rummaging through my pockets quickly. Dropping to my belly, I get my rifle in position and throw a Chinese fire snap outside the edge of the smoke. It's a risky move because I still can't see all that well through the haze, but I can definitely see when bright red sneakers jump out into sight. I doubt Vriska can see me as I pull the trigger and blow a hole through her legs even though she's close enough to kick me. It's way more grotesque than her blown away arm, because she screams and falls onto her face with a disturbing smack of nose breaking and her legs just below her knees remain standing.
I gulp down the wave of nausea as she groans and just barely manages to roll over. Now she sees me where I'm still laying, panting hard through my mouth so I don't puke again. Her nose is not a pretty sight and blood is splattered all over her skin. She smiles at me with a mouth full of bloody teeth. I feel awful, but I know it's for the best.
"Fair enough, dweeb" she rasps awkwardly, blood choking her nose and throat. "Have the decency to finish me off at least though, could you? I dropped my dagger and I really don't want to bleed to death."
It takes me a moment to pull myself to my feet, leaning heavily on my rifle the whole way. The smoke is dissipating and I can see Vriska's dagger a few feet away. Without a word to her, I limp over to it and pick it up before returning to a spot she can look at me without drowning in her own blood. I place a kiss on the blade and toss it down next to her.
"Do it yourself, fuckass."
I turn and limp away as she explodes into a bout of expletives that would have made Karkat proud. I leave her there knowing she'll bleed out soon enough if she doesn't cut her own throat. With a sinking feeling, I realize I haven't heard any gunshots in awhile now.
"Rose?" I call, hefting my rifle up into a ready to kill position in case... In case.
Nothing.
"Rose!" I call again, growing anxious as I move past the last of Vriska's smoke haze.
There's a figure just on the other side of the floodlights, on the ground, not moving. Blonde hair and a pale, blood-splattered hand are all I can see. I move as fast as the pain in my leg allows, fear and panic bubbling in my chest.
It's not Rose.
I stare down tearfully at Roxy's corpse. Her face is turned away from the light, painting it in much appreciated shadows. The front of her white shirt is bright red and all I can remember is her laughter and her always bright smiles. I remember the time she hugged me when Rose was angry at me one day after we had a rare fight. The way she smelled like booze and lavender as she told me that everything would be fine once Rose calmed down and how nice it was to know I could always turn to her if I needed her.
Knitting needles are sticking out of her chest above her heart now.
"Jade?"
For a very brief second, I almost believe it's Roxy that called my name but I whirl around and see Rose standing uncertainly a few feet away. I limp to her and she rushes over to me and we're both battered and abused but still alive. It's wonderful even though the reality is absolutely horrible.
"You're bleeding, I say, pulling my hand away from her side where it's sticky and wet. Her black shirt hides a gunshot wound.
"So are you." She runs a thumb over the cut on my face with concerned eyes.
"I don't care about me. It's all flesh wounds. You have a gunshot wound though, from a rifle. That's bad and... Rose... I..."
"What time is it?" she asks, ignoring my stumble of words and regrets.
"I don't--" There's a clock I hadn't noticed earlier beside one of the floodlights. "11:46pm."
She's quiet as her gun suddenly appears in her hands. I don't bother to step back.
"Well, we have two choices now," Rose says quietly. "Either one us of kills the other or one of us kills ourselves."
"I can't!"
She smiles sadly. "Can't what?"
"I can't do either! It's just... It's not fair!"
"Fate is a cruel mistress, Jade. We are all nothing but her slaves."
"Fuck fate! Rose! Just!" I'm trembling now and words refuse to come to my lips. Rose only shakes her head and puts her gun to her temple.
"It's okay, I'll choose for you."
"Stop!" I try to push the gun away from her head but she steps away from me quickly, using my injured leg against me. "Don't!"
"You have to realize, Jade, that survival for me will be pointless. I've killed far too many of my friends to ever be okay ever again. Without you, I'm going to lose my mind and end up in white, padded room for the rest of my life, screaming bloody murder as my mind replays the moments over and over until the day I finally manage to choke to blessed death on my own tongue. I can't stand the thought of being like that."
"I won't be much better."
"Yes, you will. You're stronger than I am, Jade. We both know that. You'll hurt for a long time but you'll be able to get on with your life in time."
"No, that's not true. Rose, I'll be a wreck without you."
She shakes her head and smiles that small smile she uses only when someone has said something dumb. It's part pity, part are-you-serious?
The clock reads 11:51pm by now.
My hands tremble as I lift them in surrender.
"Okay, Rose. Okay. You're right." I swallow thick around the words. "At least... One last kiss?"
I blush because it's better than curling up into a ball and crying. Tears fall from her beautiful violet eyes as she nods and puts the gun down. "Yeah, okay."
We kiss soft and gentle, trying to savor the moment even though it won't matter to one of us in a moment or two. She hugs me and I hug back. I don't grimace when I feel the weight of her gun against my back. I cup the nape of her neck instead and deepen the kiss, sliding my hand down her side that doesn't have a bleeding wound in it. Her fingers clutch my shoulders and back, nails digging into my shirt when my tongue slides against her. It feels too soon when she pushes me away gently and now I am crying; so is she.
She lifts the gun to her temple again and it's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair.
Rose is smart and beautiful. She's funny and witty. She loves the Squiddles as much as I do and writes dirty fanfiction about wizards. She kisses like a goddess and her skin always smells like someone left potpourri in all her clothes. She cries when no one's looking and dreams about becoming an author with a house full of cats. And it's not fair that she has to die.
I press the end of my rifle beneath my chin.
"What are you doing?" she asks, her voice confused.
I am nothing. No one. My parents died when I was too little to remember what they looked like. Grandpa spent a lot of time away traveling before he died, leaving me alone in a big empty house with Bec, my dog. And Bec was sick, three paws in a grave already, if not dead by now. Maybe I had dreams of exploring like grandpa and building cool science things like robots and mini teleporters, but they are all selfish dreams of a child. Rose is someone. She was born to be Somebody and in the grand scheme of things, I was Nobody.
Rose is Light, while I am Space.
"What does it look like?" I ask, getting everything aligned right so I can pull the trigger, though it takes a lot of straining and twisting before I feel the little bit of metal against my fingertip.
"No, this isn't right."
"I know! But neither is you killing yourself." I pause and smile sadly at her. "If you die now, I'll be all alone in this world. At least you have a mother waiting for you back home. Maybe loneliness isn't as bad as going crazy to you, but for me, it would be like going crazy. I've touched that sorrow and madness my whole life and I can't stand it anymore."
"Well... I guess we've both made our decisions."
Rose smiles beautifully at me and I return her smile with one of my own big, goofy ones. We close our eyes at the same time and pull our respective triggers.
*
In the silence that follows dual gunshots and bodies dropping, a weak voice cries out into the night.
"I wiiiiiiiin."
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