She's watching you quietly, you don't have to lift your head to know it. It's a weight you can feel and while it's not heavy or hostile, it still effects you enough that you read the same sentence ten times before you give up trying. Setting the book down and lifting your gaze to meet hers, Kanaya flushes a light shade of jade and quickly bows her head, pretending to be busy with the sewing she had long ago abandoned. You lift your eyebrow at this, curious about this panicked display - not that Kanaya wasn't prone to them, but something felt very different about this one.
"What?" you ask.
"Nothing," she replies, not looking up.
"Tell me," you say, your voice stern.
She looks up at this, not afraid of your tone so much as whatever is on her mind. "I was just... thinking."
"Anything in particular or is it that kind of thinking where you're not really thinking, just blankly staring at people and freaking them out?"
Kanaya was blushing, a lovely jade brightening up her otherwise white face. "No, I was thinking of... You."
"Certainly not a strange thing I'd hope?"
Shaking her head, she fiddled with the fabrics in her lap for a long time and you keep your mouth shut because you've learned it's better to let her get it out on her own, unless it becomes painfully clear that she won't. This time around, she sets her fabrics to the side and looks up at you in something that could pass for sheepish on her features.
"It's... Well... You and I..." she stops herself, takes a deep breath to calm herself and looks you square in the eye. "As, matesprits - well, 'girlfriends' is more appropriate for you as I recall - I would like us to take part in the more delicate aspects of our relationship."
"'Delicate'?" you ask, surprised. "You mean sex?"
She nods, biting her bottom lip and blushing brighter if that's at all possible. You're pretty sure you're blushing a bit yourself now because while you've gotten to second base with Kanaya, several times in fact, heatedly, it had always seemed like you were both content with just that; little thought as to anything beyond. Thinking about it now though, it had been awhile since you two had begun dating and if things were perhaps different, you two probably would have long ago gotten down and dirty between the sheets. As it was, you've been a little busy trying to save worlds, learning magic, the entire Scratch headache, meeting the teen version of your mother, and dealing with the horrorterrors that came with going grimdark - let's not even mention the horrors of trying to get that shit out of your system - which is something you still have nightmares about even now at god tier. Suffice it to say, sex has been the furthest thing away from your hormonal, adolescent mind, including even the more simpler act of self-loving.
Okay, so maybe now you might be blushing completely as you realize that you two are actually having this conversation and you've neglected your own self to the point where you know for a fact that you would have no idea how to even go about making it work. There's a vague idea, of course, you're not dumb and growing up with a mother like yours hasn't exactly kept you sheltered from that type of knowledge as she was more than happy, on several occasions, to try to get into the details about it before you had to actually get on your knees and beg her to stop - secretly, you think she just liked to make you break down and beg like that from time to time.
You push your mother's highly questionable, and more than likely inappropriate, parenting practices to the back of your mind as you fidget with your book, unsure how to answer your girlfriend. It's a little too quiet for your liking until Kanaya speaks up.
"We don't have to--" she starts, her features beginning to school themselves to hide her worry that she may have said the wrong thing.
"No," you cut her off quickly. "It's not that I don't want to, I just never really gave it much thought before. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what would we... you know. Writing about gay male wizards having sex is completely different from having real life lesbian sex with my alien girlfriend."
There's something about her smile that hits you pretty hard between your legs - a familiar throb you've never paid much mind to before now.
"I have never done it with a human before, but I can't imagine the mechanics are too much different between our different species."
"Are you positive about that?"
Her smile faltered slightly. "No, not completely but we can learn as we go. If you are willing?"
Getting up from your bed, you smile despite the growing anxiety building in your chest and slip down beside her on her pile of pillows. While your heart is now pounding in your chest, your nerves screaming at you to abscond this whole idea, you lean into Kanaya and kiss her lightly on the lips. Hand slipping into hers, you pull away to take a deep breath, feeling embarrassed and flustered now yourself.
"I'm willing," you say.
"Are you sure?" Her fingers tighten on your hand, worry etched in her face.
"Yes. Better to learn with you than someone else."
Kanaya's face darkens slightly at that and you offer a small chuckle to let her know you're joking.
"Relax, I couldn't imagine wanting to be with anyone other than you." Straddling her lap, you look up at her as your fingers twirl into the bottom of her black hair. "You're perfect for me in every way and I would love nothing more than to explore the more delicate aspects of our relationship with you and only ever you."
The discussion is closed as soon as she moves in to capture your lips, her tongue sweeping at your lips until you allow her entrance. You both fall into a familiar makeout session, tongues fighting for dominance as fingers tugged at clothing but didn't try to disrobe until Kanaya nips you and your hands ball up in her shirt. It takes you a moment to remember her sash and your fingers hasten to rid her of it before you get the chance to remove her shirt. Despite the hole in her stomach, you do enjoy the sight of Kanaya without a shirt and you take the briefest of moments to appreciate it. In retaliation, however, she grabs your shirt and pulls it off of you. Her jade painted lips are at your throat in a flash, fangs dragging against your pulse point, biting it enough to make you cry out but not to penetrate.
Becoming lost in a heated fog, it takes a moment before you realize she's massaging your breasts, having slipped her hands up the front of your bra. Sliding your own hands to her bra clasp, you undo it and slide the straps off her shoulders, taking over some control by pushing her down into the pillow pile. Kanaya's eyes are somewhat wild, a common appearance after a makeout session, but this time it sends a shiver through you. Removing your bra, you blush as she smiles and pulls you down so she can take a pink bud into her mouth. Fangs brush against the sensitive flesh and based solely on the feeling that washes through you in that moment, you wonder how you've never even considered going further than this before. Maybe the thought had strayed through your mind once or twice before but you never had the gull to voice anything, worried that perhaps it was just a spur of the moment thing you shouldn't indulge in lest you ruin things. Now you realize that this might've been one of the more interesting ideas the two of you have had.
She's sliding her hands down to your ass, something not completely new but it still makes you jump a bit, reminding you that she has other things in mind now. Kanaya takes it slow though, her hands tracing the curve of your hips and ass as if she's attempting to memorize it. While her mouth is unforgiving on your breasts, all fangs and tongue just the way you like it, her hands are impossibly gentle as they slide down to your thighs, material lifting up so nails can lightly graze the revealed skin. As her hands begin to slide back up, she pulls her mouth away, much to your chagrin, to look at your face as her hands slip beneath your skirt. A playful smile tugs at her lips when you gulp and then blush - dammit, is it suppose to be this embarrassing? It's not even a question of whether or not to do this, it's only a question of how much can you blush before you both finally achieve that rumored pleasant afterglow?
"We can still stop," she tells you, serious now.
"That doesn't seem fair to you."
Shaking her head vigorously now, she's frowning as she says, "It's not about what I want, especially if you're not comfortable with it." Her eyes are soft as she adds, "This is your first time and according to what I understand about your human customs and sociology, the first sexual experience is very emotional to an individual, especially of the female gender."
"I didn't really think you would read those books I gave you about sociology," you say surprised.
"I read everything you give me."
You appreciate this and then take a moment to take in her words before kissing her. "Let's continue with whatever you were planning to do with your hands. I want to, honestly."
The tone of your voice must be enough for her because her hands are moving again, your skirt rising up to your hips slowly. For a moment, you're not sure what to do as her fingers slide into the elastic of your panties and with a slight pause she bites her lip and pulls them down. The first thought that flashes through your head is that you're glad she can't see too much from where she's at, and it seems so silly of a thought at this point but there it is. Moving to help her remove your panties though, you purposely shift so your skirt slides back into place and let her kiss you reassuringly. She's seen you at your worst and yet all you can about think is that it's really embarrassing to let her see you all the way naked, even though you know you have nothing to be embarrassed about. At least, you hope you have nothing to be embarrassed about.
The thoughts you're having are ridiculous, you realize, as she reaches for the sash at your waist that you use to keep your skirt in place, so you do your best to put them out of your mind. The sash gives way and you can hear nothing for a moment but your blood pounding in your ears as the skirt falls away and maybe it isn't so bad, but fuck, she's looking now to see what she's working with, curiosity and interest bright in her eyes. You realize that while you've possibly given her a vague idea of what human females have between their legs in the past, she had still never seen it. Not without panties in the way. Balling up your fist, you lean back so she can get a better view, bringing the fist up to your mouth so you can bite your knuckle under those watchful dark eyes as she explores. Her fingers trace the V in front of her from top to bottom, thumbs flicking at the blonde curls on your mound, and as her fingertips brush against your clit, you inhale sharply. Okay, so maybe this is a little bit more embarrassing than her seeing you in all your glory. Observant eyes flick up to your face as she repeats her actions, trying to decipher what exactly made you react with a gasp. Trace, thumbs, fingertips brushing against your clit, gasp - ah, yeah, you're pretty sure she gets it now.
As her fingers begin to play with your clit, you become aware of the fact that you're still biting your knuckle, rather hard too, so you let it drop to your side just as Kanaya drags her finger stiffly against your clit. It takes a lot not to fall forward, but your breathing has noticeably hitched and wow can your nipples get any stiffer right now? Kanaya observes this all with interest as she scoots herself up so she's leaning up against her pillows as opposed to lying lost in them as she was before. Repeating what she had done with her finger, you can't help it this time when your hands shoot out to grab a hold of her shoulders.
"Are you okay?"
"That really feels.... different than anything I've ever felt before."
She repeats the action and you squeeze her shoulders. "I take it you enjoy it?"
"So much so that I'm wondering why we're even talking about it. Also, stop stopping," you say quickly, wishing you could make that command sound less cryptic than what it probably sounds like.
Kanaya is merciful the next time she moves her finger. Instead of sliding a single finger against your clit, she begins to rub at it with two fingers, long fingers sliding your clit back and forth against their length, making you whimper and sigh. There's too much friction though and you grasp her wrist as something begins to buzz between your legs and bring her fingers to your mouth, licking them thoroughly before replacing them. You try to avoid her eyes, full of surprise at your actions (like you aren't?), and nod for her to continue, which she does, and whoa - much better. She experiments with different speeds until you tell her which one you like the best and buck against her hand, your lips crashing against hers. You do it mostly to contain the surprised cries that are bubbling in your throat, but also so you don't have to see her watching you as you squeeze your eyes shut and your skin is bright with a blush you can't contain.
Her fingers move too far back and she brushes against the wetness you were only dimly aware of having gathered between your legs. Kanaya abandons your clit in favor of discovering what this wetness is and your confused and anxious as you pull away from her mouth to look at her. There's a question on your lips but it's extinguished when you feel her fingertip slip inside you and whoa, that's new. She sits up a little straighter now, almost cradling you in her lap, though her arm is trapped between your bodies.
"What is this?" she asks and your already too pink to tell whether or not you're blushing, though you still can feel a new flush of heat spread across your face.
"It's where human female genetic material comes from," you answer in a soft voice, knowing that answer would be much simpler to explain right now between your arousal and the heighten level of endorphins crashing against your nerves like a pleasant tide.
"It's very wet," she comments, wiggling her fingertip at your entrance and making you clutch her shoulders a little tighter than you had been.
"Yeah, that's suppose to happen if what my mom used to attempt to tell me is any indication."
Retracting her finger, she studies you for a long moment, possibly gauging your words or perhaps waiting for further explanation, which you have none to offer. Finally, she pulls you close, arms wrapping around your body, and kisses you so sweetly that you feel like you might dissolve into a puddle right there and then. She slides her arm back inbetween the two of you, her fingers teasing your clit lightly as she releases your mouth. Jade lips kiss along your jawline and your breath shudders as her fingers slide over your opening and back to your clit. Pushing blonde strands of your hair out of her way with her other hand, Kanaya sets her mouth against your ear, licking at your lobe, her fingers falling still now.
"Are you certain you want to proceed?" she whispers into your ear.
Her breath sends a shiver across your skin, goosebumps rising up and down your arms and back. All you can think is, 'How can I not possibly be at this point?'
"Yes," is all you can manage, your breath hitching before she's even moved her fingers.
Kanaya remains still for a moment longer and it sends a wave of conflicting emotions through you, then you feel the light pressure of her fingers prodding, a fingertip slipping into you. Oh man, oh man... Breathe, you remind yourself as her finger delves in deeper. One knuckle, then the other, and then she's all the way in, just one long, slender finger, a foreign intruder in this once untouched no man's land. You both fall deathly still, you just can't find it in you to move, too surprised. Possibly Kanaya's stillness is caused by her own surprise.
The word 'move' is on the desert wasteland that has suddenly become your tongue, but you can't find the moisture to speak, instead meeting her dark eyes in a look your glad you can't see but imagine it's probably as desperate and embarrassed as you feel. Getting the hint, the finger slips out and back in again making your breath shudder, and fuck, this is the most amazing kind of feeling in the world. It's on the next entrance that she switches it up again on you like she had done earlier with your clit, adding a second finger, and the breath goes out of you completely. She looks alarmed by the way you react and if you could speak you would assure her that you were fine - if fine meant that your body was setting off flashes of pleasure and pain in a way you've never felt before. There's a subconscious murmur of laughter in the back of your head that finds amusement in the fact that she's only halfway in and your acting like the tender young virgin you are. Dave would have snickered at you.
Closing your eyes, you find enough spit in your mouth to swallow and open your eyes again to give her a small nod of assent to continue. She moves slow, forever slow it seems today, bringing her fingers out before sliding them back in, and that slowness drives you crazy in such a way that you roll your hips, inhaling sharply but doing your best to keep your eyes locked on hers. It's important that you do, though you're not sure why right at this moment. The thing you love about Kanaya is that while she doesn't always understand the things you say, she gets your actions, although sometimes she has to take a moment to figure them out, but not this time. In, out, in, out - her fingers pushing a little further in with each motion, picking up a gentle speed. Then she's all the way in, her fingers restricted from going further by her hand and your hymen - though you suspect her nails might be stabbing at it a bit because there's a bit of pain down there that doesn't quite make sense.
"Are you well?"
There's such a tone of concern and worry in her voice that it actually makes you feel a little guilty even though you have no reason to be. You touch her face lightly, cupping her cheek before pressing a kiss to her lips. She relaxes slightly, her fingers still between your legs until she shifts her hand and her fingertips accidentally wiggle inside of you. There's no way of controlling the gasp that doesn't so much as slide out of your mouth as it leaps from it. That surprise and concerned look returns to her face and you quickly shake your head.
"It's good," you reassure.
"You humans are so fragile and confusing."
"That's what makes us interesting," you chuckle, voice somewhat raspy. "Now do that wiggle of your fingertips again, and move your fingers in and out as you do it."
So she does and it's amazing until her fingers start to cramp a little from the position and Kanaya's fingertips get stuck slightly curled as she moves in and, oh shit. Fuck. Holy fuck. Your eyes roll up in your head as your body taps into latent human instincts and your body is rocking against her fingers without thought. You're just barely able to communicate that she needs to leave her fingers curled like that. If you were more in control of yourself, you might have smirked at the confounded look on her face, but instead you couldn't give a shit about anything but the feel of Kanaya in and against you as your body begins to tighten up and a delicious pressure builds up in your abdomen. As things begin to reach a cresendo, you press your face against a deathly white throat and dig your fingernails into naked flesh, your hips bucking out of control somewhere below. Kanaya shifts her body to make you more comfort and instead hits you in exactly the spot you need to finally come.
"Kanaya!" you cry out against her throat, voice surprised and desperate, fingers locking onto her as your body stiffens.
She stiffens too, perhaps confused again by your actions. It's not until she feels the gush of fluids on her fingers that she kisses your shoulder, understanding now that this is suppose to happen. There's so many tingles vibrating against your skin, inside and out, that you begin to wonder if this is normal yourself, but your body falls limp and yeah, this sated feeling that's now seeping in feels perfectly normal. She removes her fingers and you moan softly, body still sensitive, and nuzzle her neck as she holds her hand up for observation, tears prickling your eyes though you're again not sure why.
"There's no color," she comments.
Turning your face to look at her hand too, swiping your eyes against your arm quickly, you can't help a tired smile.
"Sorry to disappoint you."
"No," she says. "I just didn't know what to expect really."
There's a pause, an odd one that makes you quirk up your eyebrow. "You can taste it if you want. It's not toxic and trust me, it's not a waste of my genetic material. I still have plenty of that dampening my thighs and your skirt as we speak."
Her cheeks have just colored jade, yet again, as she mumbles something in her embarrassment before touching her fingers to her mouth. It's hard not to watch, it's even harder to not find the sight of your girlfriend sucking on her fingers like a child discovering candy for the first time incredibly adorable. Looks like transparent is a color a rainbow drinker can appreciate.
When she's done, you both fall into a comfortable silence, yet tears again begin prickling your eyes as you hug her middle and bury your face into her shoulder. You can feel her hand press against the back of your head, and you don't know why but a sob rips from your throat, your arms holding her tighter. If Kanaya is surprised by this or not, you have no way of telling as she only slides her arms around you and holds you close, letting you embarrass yourself even further today.
What is wrong with you today with all these embarrassing out-of-character, too-vulnerable displays? You're a young woman that's battled hell with two knitting needle wands as your weapons. You've delved into darkness that not even Lovecraft could have fathomed and came out of it smiling victoriously. You've touched madness and tamed it as your pet. You, Rose Lalonde, are a young woman of substantial character and gull that few other humans could possess without gaining a hernia for their effort. Still, whenever you look up into those dark eyes, jade eyeshadow and black eyeliner making them far more beautiful than you've ever admitted aloud, you feel cracks in your armor. The loving way Kanaya always looks at you does things to you that you can't understand because you've never had someone so openly and freely love you like she does. It breaks you down so you feel your soul bare and you realize that all this embarrassment you've been feeling is because Kanaya can now see it clearly from where you had tried to hide it beneath your clothing. This is where your anxiety and tears are coming from you finally realize.
Your normally unbreakable emotions have broken at the direct touch of love to your very soul from the woman you love more than anything else in your life, creating a dam of once repressed feelings to sweep you up and drown you. You think Kanaya knows that, because she seems to always know you better than you know yourself. She lets you cry in silence, offering nothing more than an unspoken promise to never tell and the comfort of her loving arms.