Story: Crimson Regret (chapter 21)

Authors: Shadowflame66

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Chapter 21

Title: Epilogue

Epilogue

“I’m coming to see you now.”

IXH

 

Isabella’s Journal for Haruka Saito, Entry 1: Ruki

Who is Ruki? Well I like to think that her first and most defining attribute is that she’s my wife. After that she’s a hero, a fighter, a monk, an acrobat, a genius, a gentleman, and damn good in bed. And she’s also the type of person that’s going to blush when she reads that last line, which is half the reason I put it in. The other half is that it’s true, but she already knows that, she was there every time, after all.

I know I’m rambling, but this journal is a compilation of myself, and rambling is a thing I do, so it’s going to be in here. Another thing I do is complain, so that’s going to be in here, too. And if there is a god, Haruka Saito, may he help you if you dare get mud on this journal I’ve worked so hard on. I will come back and haunt you. And don’t try to use that to summon me because I won’t be a friendly ghost or anything, I’ll be some kind of evil, awesome spirit like a poltergeist or something, and I’ll throw things at you. Probably mud. I like irony.

When you’re reading this… which is now… I guess I won’t be there. That really sucks because I would love to watch and see your reactions as you read this, especially to Entry 42 (don’t flip ahead, you’ll get there when you get there. Just, um, make sure Suria or someone doesn’t get their hands on it and read that entry, okay? I kinda got a little carried away and… Look, just be alone when you read it, that will make everything easier.) I just realized that my parenthetical statement went on longer than the original sentence, but I never said I was a master of grammar, just of the sword. I tried writing in a journal using a sword, but that just made me have to buy a new journal.

Ruki… I’m being light-hearted about things now, but I’m scared. I’m really scared, but not for me. I’ll have you there until it’s over, but you won’t have me when it is. I would wish it was the other way around, but you’re stronger than me and you can take it. I can imagine how you’re feeling right now – just thinking about losing you makes my heart clench in fear. But I’m not gone – right now, if anything, I am watching you read this, so please… Smile for me? I know it’s hard, and I know you feel more like crying, but I love your smile and I can’t bear to think of it never appearing again. You have to show it, and let others see it, even if it’s just for me.

A lot of times I don’t know what to say, so in this journal I’ve just put down everything I’ve ever felt with you. I didn’t hold back anything. I have no secrets from you, Haruka, and I have been more open here than I have ever been with myself. Every part of my soul is laid bare within these pages, down to the tiniest details that I never let myself admit. Some parts are not going to be easy to read, because I’ve been through a lot of fear and pain and that is reflected within these pages like everything else, but Haruka, you deserve every part of me, and that is what you have. You have me.

Right now I’m sitting on the bed in our hotel room in the Imperial City. I’m about halfway done with this journal and I’ve written a lot of things that scared me to write, but I just looked up and noticed you smiling at me – you didn’t even know I was going to see it, you were just doing it. And the way you look at me – and the way your looks make me feel – gives me the courage to do anything. Now you’ve looked back to your book and I’m free to look at you as I often do. I could do so anyway, but I want to study you, to memorize every feature for the thousandth time. You’re so beautiful and you don’t even realize how much. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I look at you and I feel better about myself, because a woman like you wants me.

Just thinking about you makes me smile. Every time you laugh at something I say, I feel like I just won a huge victory. When you catch my hand as a habit you’ve developed, unthinkingly, natural – I feel a thrill run up my spine and I praise my luck another time. And when you kiss me… God, when you kiss me, I can’t think anymore. I lose perception of everything else and your touch becomes like fire, every graze of your fingertips lighting another flame of desire in my core. Sometimes it almost scares me because your eyes can have the same effect, your gaze controlling every facet of my body and forcing me to lose all of my will – but then I remember that it’s you, and I trust you to control me. I know you will never hurt me and you will forever be my protector, even from myself.

You’ve changed everything. Everything. Not a single part of my life is recognizable anymore, and all of it revolves around you. And I can never thank you enough for that, because I used to be in a dark place – my smiles were fake, my laughs were false, and my path was a lone, resigned walk to a solitary grave. I had given up. I was done. Before I met you, I had nothing left, and I felt empty. But then you came, and you didn’t fill up every empty hole – you made me do it. You brought back parts of me that were long dead, and you revived feelings I had thought I would never experience again. You gave me something to live for, and something to die for.

I’m not dead now, Ruki. I was dead then, and you brought me back to life. I will forever be alive thanks to you. You have given me a gift of eternal life, one that can’t be taken by the simple passing of my earthly form. I am in your debt, as you are in mine; we are a team, a partnership. We are the joining of two souls meant for each other, crossing at the end of my days, but with enough time to make the rest of those days paradise.

If there is no paradise on the other side, Ruki, I can accept that, for I have found it here, in you. I love you more than I can express, and I hope you can feel it every time I look at you, as I can when you look at me. I hope this journal eases your pain; I hope it helps you to feel me still with you, holding your hand. If I cannot remain with you here, then let this be enough – I love you, Haruka Saito, and that will never, ever change.

IXH

Twenty Years Later

A woman stood before a small grave as the wind whipped her brown hair around her. She reached out and touched the old, worn stone, tracing a finger over the letters inscribed on the front. There wasn’t a year that had gone by that she hadn’t visited this place several times.

She stood before the grave alone, as she always was when she came. She had students, she had friends, but there was no one she was willing to share this with. They heard all the stories, though, of the blue-haired knight that proved redemption was possible. They heard the stories of her infectious laughter, of her childish side, of her defeating her fear, of her strength and her courage and her life.

Haruka knelt before the cold stone, feeling the tears fall as they always did. She was there for another purpose now, a different one from all the times before. Haruka had never given up the life she’d led with Isabella; she’d continued fighting for a better future, for the protection of good people. It had finally caught up to her and her injuries were finally beyond the ability to heal.

She hadn’t tried to have it happen. Isabella would never forgive her for giving up her life. But still her time had come; she’d said her goodbyes to everyone that mattered, and told them they would not be seeing her again. With a small knife she began chipping at the stone, carving out four letters. After several minutes the stone bore two names; “Isabella” and “Ruki”.

She tossed the knife aside, having no use for it anymore. She turned around slowly, easing herself to sit down leaning back against the gravestone. Beside her she thrust the sword, Mercy, into the earth – a weapon she had carried with her for the past two decades. Next to it she laid a porcelain mask she would no longer need. She smiled softly as she looked up at the cloudy sky. “Always rain, with you… I think you have some sort of control over the weather. Always trying to match it to the mood.”

Haruka leaned her head back against the stone as her breathing grew more labored, watching the clouds drift by. “Are you waiting for me, Bella…? I’ve always felt you were. Wherever you are, I’ve felt your disapproving stare when I made the wrong decisions, seen your smile of pride when I made the right ones. I’ve felt your support every day. But…”

She sighed, shifting a little. “It’s just not enough. I’ve been… so lonely,” she whispered, tears escaping to roll down her cheeks. “I could’ve found someone, maybe, but I never wanted to. I only wanted to find you. Life has been… hard. But I listened to you. I’ve been as strong as I could be, fought as long as I could. And now…”

Haruka traced a finger down the stone beside her head. “Now there’s only one thing I want… Will I be able to find you? Are you… Is there something left, truly? Is there a way to meet you again? I wish I knew… I’m so scared right now, and I don’t get your reassurance like I did when you were… here. All I can do is… is wait, and hope.”

She felt her breathing grow shallow, felt her heart beginning to slow. “Is this how you felt at the end…? Slipping away, your grip on life failing… I’m glad I was there… Even though you deserved… so much more.” Haruka fought to keep her eyes open. Her hand fell to her side where her fingers weakly gripped the earth beneath her. “It hurts… But the fear is worse…” Her tears continued to run but she struggled against it, focusing on her trust, her love.

“I’m coming to see you now,” she whispered softly. “I’m… sorry it took so long… Bella.”

Haruka’s eyes closed for the last time as her breath escaped her. When she opened them again everything was different; the pain was gone, the feel of the grass and dirt, the cool air. She stood with a strange ease and looked ahead with awe. Before her was light, sun, and a flash of blue hair. She felt the hand slide into her own as Isabella looked at her lovingly, tracing a gentle finger down her cheek. “Ruki… You’re late. But I forgive you.”

Haruka’s smiled as she hadn’t in years, and she didn’t even try to fight back tears now as she looked on a face she’d never known if she would see again. “I tried to… get here sooner, but… as it turns out, I’m really hard to kill,” she said with a laugh, sniffing.

Isabella smiled brightly, moving up against her and wiping the tears away. “It doesn’t matter now. You’re here… I’m here.” She grinned, looking over her shoulder at what awaited before her eyes moved back to Haruka, beginning to tear up. “We have a lot of catching up to do.”

Haruka was torn between crying and laughing as she felt Bella begin to tug her along. “With no deadline…” She could scarcely believe it.

Isabella looked back at her as she continued walking, her smile only widening. “It’s even better than that, Ruki – there’s no mud.”

And that was it. Laughing was all she could do, and soon Bella joined her as they dissolved into hysterics. And still Isabella dragged her along, as she always would, and Haruka didn’t mind at all.

IXH

Isabella’s Journal for Haruka Saito, Entry 64: A Wish

I had a dream not long ago. In it, we were traveling when we got separated. I was lost in a dark forest and unable to find you, or anyone. I was terrified, and for some reason I thought I might never see you again. As I began running, calling out your name, I tripped, falling into a gaping abyss that seemed to appear out of nowhere. But you caught my hand and pulled me out, telling me I could never fall as long as you were there to catch me.

I believe this goes for death as well. My fear is slowly being replaced not by hope, but by trust in you, and in us. We are something special, Ruki. We’ve fought and suffered so much, but neither of us ever gave up on the other. That can’t just change. I don’t want a year – I want forever. I want you. I know that we’ve been denied a happy ending, but I want one anyway. If we fight for it, Ruki, like everything else we’ve achieved, we can get this, too. Don’t let go of my hand, because I’ll be holding tightly to yours. We’ll write our names on the stars themselves – “Isabella x Haruka Forever.” Nothing is going to stand in our way.

I know not everything has a happy ending, Ruki… But sometimes, you’re lucky enough to get one.

The End

[End notes:

Author’s Note:

I want to thank everyone that read this story. I believe that this is the best thing I have ever written, and I am quite proud of it, but I feel like I had very little to do with it. These characters wrote themselves – they decided what to do, they said what they wanted to say, and they felt what they felt. To me, they feel real, like friends, and I am truly sad to see their story end, but everything must end. I could have changed the ending – I could have dragged it out, or had them stumble across some sort of cure, and kept the story going indefinitely, but these characters deserved more than that – they deserved something real.

A note on this Epilogue – At first, I was conflicted about whether or not to do this. I wondered if it devalued the impact and the meaning of Isabella’s death – an event heralded from the very first chapter – to have them be reunited after death. But then I realized that these characters are more than plot points, they are people, and I care about them, and I wanted to know their future myself. And perhaps you don’t believe in an afterlife, or perhaps you would rather the ending remain dark and bleak, but this is my world, and my story, and my characters, and I believe they deserve this. Yes, in life, we often don’t get what we deserve, but the purpose of fiction is not to be a replica of life, but to be an enjoyable tale that causes you to experience a wide range of emotions and ends as it should.

This ending is not a dream, it is not a hallucination, it is not a wish – Haruka really did find Isabella waiting for her, and they really are reunited for eternity. These characters fought and suffered for it, and they held together despite the worst pressures and dangers, and they earned this ending with their blood and tears. This is how the story ends. I didn’t want it to end, and I hope you didn’t either, but I hope you liked the ending you got, for if you read this, it belongs to you as much as it does me. If I made you feel even one emotion throughout the entirety of this story, then I believe I have succeeded. And if you remember these characters even after you have finished this story, then I have achieved my highest goal.

Thank you again for reading this, and please give me a review if you have anything to say. I’m done now. More stories will be coming, from different time periods about different people, but Isabella and Haruka are finished and off doing their own thing. And I think they’ve earned it, don’t you?

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