Chapter 20: The Fallen
“I love you, Ruki.”
IXH
When Haruka stepped out of the carriage with Isabella, she saw it in their faces as she carefully helped her down. Isabella smiled to greet them, and they smiled to greet her, but Haruka saw it in their eyes; they were shocked. Bella moved slowly and with little energy, capturing Suria in a hug with a soft smile, but the reactions were apparent. They hadn’t been there to watch her degrade day by day, Haruka knew, and so they hadn’t expected her to be so bad now. With sad eyes Haruka watched the reality finally hit each of them, and when Isabella turned back to meet her gaze Haruka knew that she saw it too.
Isabella didn’t mention it, though. She no longer had the energy to pretend nothing had changed, but she didn’t want it to be the focus of everything. Haruka did her best to pretend things were normal and the others tried to fall in line, but it was never anything more than a façade. Suria’s eyes watered as Isabella released her and moved to embrace Able, and even he looked depressed as he returned the embrace and cast his eyes to the ground. Dalgus looked less surprised as he set a hand on Isabella’s head in a friendly manner, and his smile was resigned; Haruka knew he had watched a lot of friends die, and she knew he was back there now, experiencing each death he had witnessed as they all did. Haruka had seen the look on Isabella’s face more than once. Ophelia, as usual, showed little emotion, but she was quieter than usual.
But Freya… Haruka silently thanked the pirate as she gave a grin and a shout, pulling Isabella into a bear hug that caused the knight to laugh out loud. Freya pulled back to arm’s length and tilted her head. “Yer back ‘cause ya missed me, aren’t ya?”
Isabella gave a happy sigh and a small smile. “I could never leave you for long, Freya.”
Freya turned her around and stepped up beside her, slipping an arm over her shoulders. “Yeah, no one could. How’ve y’ been, Ruka?”
Haruka could see Suria watching Freya, and imagined that she was wondering why the pirate was so happy. At least the others seem to understand what she’s doing, Haruka thought as she shook her head, giving Freya a smile and moving forward. “Better than I ever have.”
Freya caught her extended hand and shook it. “Good trip, huh?”
“It was perfect,” Isabella said softly, giving Haruka a look that singlehandedly justified every decision she’d ever made.
Haruka smiled and took her hand, looking back at Freya. “We’ve pretty much conquered the world. We did everything there is to do.”
“Are there pictures?” Haruka blinked at Suria, who had just popped up beside them with a beaming smile. Apparently she had judged the girl too quickly… As Isabella nodded, Suria grinned. “I wanna see!”
Isabella blinked. “Um… Well, you can see most of them, but not, um, all of them,” she said with a blush that caused Freya’s grin to nearly split her face.
“What? Why not?”
Freya smacked Suria on the head. “Ya really need t’ grow up, kid.”
“Ow!” Suria rubbed her head, glaring at Freya. “I’m not a kid, I’m nineteen!”
“Then you need t’ get more worldly.”
“Yeah, that’s why I left home.”
“Oh yeah! Ha, guess it ain’t workin’ too fast.”
Able stepped up beside Haruka, looking at her and Bella seriously. “Did you have any trouble?”
Haruka shook her head. “Nothing big. A few bandits here and there, a couple creatures. I didn’t have any trouble handling them.”
“I felt sorry for most of them,” Isabella said with a smile. “Ruki is a pretty bad person to get on the wrong side of.”
“Agreed,” he replied. “How long are you staying?”
Isabella glanced at Haruka. “Just one week,” she answered. “We want to finish our trip in… in time.”
He nodded, falling silent. Haruka didn’t trust herself to try and speak again, but fortunately Dalgus saved them by stepping up and speaking loudly. “Uh, we’ve got a lot of food ready in our tent, you know! I bet you two are starving after travelling for so long, and you don’t even have to deal with the rabble.”
Isabella turned and smiled at him. “Oh, yes, of course. Let’s move this there, then.” As they started walking she fell back behind the rest, knowing Haruka would keep pace with her. She slowed until she was beside Freya, speaking quietly so only the two of them could hear her. “I want to thank you again for your generosity… Because of you, we were able to do everything we could think of.”
The dark-haired pirate smiled. “That’s all I care about. Did you use it well? Spend all of it like I told you?”
Isabella laughed softly. “Yes, we did. We used it on really important things, and we used it on really stupid things.”
Freya let out a laugh. “Perfect! So you ‘ad fun?”
Isabella glanced at Haruka. “You wouldn’t believe how much. If I had a bucket list, I’d have checked off everything on it. It was just so nice doing that sort of thing and nothing else, with no dangers or struggles.”
Freya nodded, growing a bit more serious as she glanced from Haruka to Isabella. “How are you feeling?” she asked in a quieter voice, deciding it was okay to ask when everyone wasn’t focusing on them.
Isabella sighed, her eyes on the others up ahead, who were further ahead now as she was slowing Haruka and Freya down. “With anyone else but Ruki, I would say I’m fine.”
Freya kept her eyes on Bella. “And with me?”
Bella looked at her and smiled softly. “I’m dying, Freya. And I feel like I’m dying. I’m not in denial, though I won’t blame anyone who is.”
Freya’s eyes softened, looking at the quiet Haruka and back to Bella. “Is it…?”
Isabella shook her head. “It’s not always painful. Sometimes my chest hurts, usually my lungs. Sometimes it’s hard to breathe. Mostly I’m just tired and weak.” She looked down at the hand that Haruka wasn’t holding, opening and closing her fingers. “I feel… strangely disconnected. Sometimes I forget my condition. I want my body to do something, and it simply… isn’t able to. I try to pick something up and it just slips out of my hand because I forgot my fingers aren’t strong enough to hold it anymore. It feels like every day I can do one less thing that I used to be able to do.” She laughed softly. “Sometimes it’s more annoying or frustrating than anything.”
“You seem to be… handling it well.”
Isabella smiled. “That’s all Haruka. I get frustrated at being unable to pick something up, but then she lifts it for me. I get too tired to climb a set of stairs and she carries me up them. And I find that, each time it happens, a part of me is glad for my limitations. They’re like a gift because they allow me to be constantly reminded that she’s here.” Haruka looked away but squeezed her hand, and Bella smiled at her. Freya smiled and sped up to catch up to the others, leaving them alone as Bella leaned up to Haruka. “There’s not a single thing I’ve ever experienced that wouldn’t be improved by your presence, you know that.”
Haruka closed her eyes, remaining silent for a long moment before finally looking at her. “I’m trying.”
“I know.” Isabella stopped walking, slowly pulling her into a kiss and wiping the tears from her cheeks.
IXH
Isabella lay in her spot beside the fire, looking out of the open tent flap at the stars visible beyond it. With her were Suria and Able, who were speaking with her at the moment. Haruka was outside somewhere, taking a moment for herself. Bella was worried about her, but she knew that, sometimes, everyone needed a moment of solitary silence to think about things. Nothing about her situation scared her more than leaving Haruka alone. She had thought about everything she could do to make it easier for her, everything she could do to comfort Haruka after she was gone, but she knew none of it would be enough. More than anything she was relying on the friends they had made to support Haruka when she no longer could.
Isabella wasn’t scared for herself, not anymore. It was true that she didn’t know what would happen to her when she finally passed, where she would go – if anywhere – or if she would ever meet Haruka again. She hoped, prayed, and fervently wished that her time with Haruka would not end, and that they would meet somewhere. But there was nothing she could do about that if it wasn’t the case. She would be okay, she knew, when the time came. But when she died, she would be leaving Haruka behind. The hours after that moment would be the hardest Haruka had ever been through, and Bella wouldn’t be able to do anything to comfort her during them. That thought alone made her cry if she focused on it too long, and so she closed her eyes as Able and Suria spoke.
After a few minutes of focusing on her emotions, she ignored the silence that had descended on her two younger companions, likely due to them noticing her tears. That didn’t matter to her and they could watch all they wanted, because Isabella was far beyond worrying about what others saw. There was only one person she was thinking about as she pulled out the journal she had been writing in since the wedding. She ignored the fire and the low voices of the other two as they tried to restart their conversation, and she continued to focus on her emotions and encourage them as she put pen to paper and started to write.
IXH
Haruka was looking at a specific constellation in the sky, and for the life of her she couldn’t remember its name. She had been taught it on many occasions and even used it to guide herself by, but at this moment, as she stood leaning against a stack of crates a short distance away from the tent her wife was in, she had no idea what it was. Her mind refused to focus on anything else and refused all of her attempts to distract herself or change the course of her thoughts. It seemed she had reached her limit of denying or ignoring things, and now she had no choice but to think about them.
Had anyone walked by her at that moment, they wouldn’t have noticed anything was wrong – Haruka had long ago made it a habit not to show what she was feeling or thinking about. She looked to be casually stargazing and thinking of nothing in particular, but in truth it was the opposite. Most relationships in life had an unknown quality – you met someone, you got to know them, and things just sort of went along with no real guide or destination. With Isabella it was more like a book – Haruka had picked up the book and known from the start exactly how long it was. No matter what point she was at in the book, she was always able to see what page the ending was on. Every page she read was one page closer to the ending, and no matter how much she wished otherwise, that ending was solid and permanent – as soon as she reached it there would never again be another page to the book, never again would she see a single new word of the story.
That limitation nearly drove her insane. The mere fact that she would be able to catalogue all of her experiences with Bella in one thin book, definitively, with nothing else beyond it… It made her want to rage against something, but there was no target for her anger. They had won. Despite all the odds they had broken through an impossible wall and achieved victory, and Isabella was still going to die. Haruka couldn’t bring herself to go inside, even though she felt strongly that any moment not spent in her presence was a wasted one. She couldn’t bring herself to move from her spot – she was frozen, and clueless.
“Now you look intense.”
The voice shook her free just enough for her to lower her eyes to Freya, who was looking at her with that unique expression of concern without pity. Freya was a hard person who had led a hard life, and though she was as friendly as anyone, that friendliness wasn’t why Haruka was glad she was the one who had appeared now – she was glad because Freya was the only one here who had suffered as much as she and Isabella had, and she was the only one who could not just sympathize, but understand. “I’m trying…” Haruka started before her voice cut off, drawing a flicker of surprise from her that Freya only noticed because she was so observant. For the first time in months Haruka’s voice had reverted to its old ways. She had made it a permanent habit to use her energy to strengthen her vocal chords to the point where it wasn’t even a conscious thing anymore, but it appeared that, at the moment, her mind was so distracted that it hadn’t even remembered to do that.
She did it actively, allowing her to speak once more, only now it was difficult for other reasons. “I’m trying to think,” she continued, looking off in an empty direction. “A way to stall, a way to avoid what I know is coming… I know there isn’t one. I know there’s no answer. Not everything has a happy ending.”
Freya nodded, moving to join her and leaning against the crates. She tossed off her captain’s hat and let her dark hair out of its usual ponytail before folding her arms. “I’ve seen a lotta bad endings. Hell, I’ll prob’ly ‘ave one myself.” She glanced sideways at Haruka. “But yer story ain’t over. This ain’t yer ending. It’s Bella’s ending, but if you think it ain’t ‘appy for ‘er, yer blind.”
Haruka looked down. “I know I make her happy… She’s not even afraid, you know. All she’s worrying about is me.” She sniffed, adjusting her folded arms. “I just… I already miss her, even though I know I can, right now, go find and talk to her, hold her, all of that. How much harder is it going to be when that isn’t an option anymore? How much more will I miss her when she’s not there?”
Freya sighed, looking up at the stars. “It’s going to be bad. I can’t lie to you. But we’re gonna be here. You aren’t gonna be alone.” Freya leaned her head back against the crate. “I’m gonna miss ‘er, too; we all are. An’ no one’s ever gonna replace ‘er – we all know you aren’t even gonna try t’ be with someone else.”
“No…” Haruka shook her head, looking up with Freya. “No, I’m not. I’ll still be with her even when she’s gone. But I… So many little things are coming to mind now, things I never would have worried about before.” She stared at the distant stars, examining them in the silence that flooded in between every word. “You know what I realized when I woke up yesterday?” She glanced at Freya to see her shaking her head, then looked away to continue. “She isn’t going to make it to our first anniversary.” She gave a dry laugh. “Such a… stupid thing to notice, isn’t it…?”
Freya noticed her voice fade away with the last few words, and she moved to pull her into a hug that Haruka didn’t try to resist. As she felt Haruka begin to cry she let out a sad sigh, gripping the back of her clothing. “It’s not stupid. It’s not fair, either. Neither of you deserve this,” she said with conviction. After a minute she released her and sat her down. “Wait here, huh?” Haruka nodded and Freya left, rubbing her eyes tiredly as she walked. She wasn’t good at this sort of thing, and her main emotion was anger at the situation, which just meant she would say things that wouldn’t help. That was what she did – curse, fight, and struggle. She was having a hard enough time dealing with something that she couldn’t fight herself.
She stepped into the tent and looked over the three inside. “Bella.” The knight lowered the journal and sat up, noticing Freya’s expression. “You’re needed.” Isabella stood immediately and moved past her, and Freya gave a look to Able and Suria that told them to stay there. She leaned back outside the tent and pointed Isabella in the right direction before going inside herself to keep Able and Suria company.
Isabella came around the corner and sighed. “Oh, Ruki…” She knelt in front of Haruka, laying a hand on her cheek and brushing away tears with her thumb, even though they kept coming. “What’s wrong?” she asked despite knowing the answer; Haruka needed to talk about this, not listen.
Haruka met her gaze and held it, not bothering to try and control her emotions. “I don’t… I’m trying,” she said, taking Bella’s hand and squeezing it but not looking away from her eyes. “I’m trying to stay strong and just be happy, but I can’t. I don’t want this to happen. I don’t want you to leave.”
Isabella smiled, sitting beside her and pulling Haruka’s head down onto her shoulder. “I don’t want to leave you, either. If I could stay I would, but it’s not my choice, and it’s not your choice. There are some things that we can’t change.”
“But it’s just… so soon. We barely got any time at all.” Haruka closed her eyes. “Less than a year… You won’t even… I won’t even be able to get you an anniversary gift.”
“I’m going to try to make it to the anniversary of our meeting,” Isabella said softly, looking at her. “That’s the day that my entire life changed, so that’s the most important. The day I met you will always be the most important day of my life. Besides… I already have your gift, though it isn’t finished yet.”
Haruka opened her eyes. “What…?”
“You can’t read it yet,” Bella said as she set the journal in her lap. “And I’m still writing it. It’s a book, almost completely full of things I’ve written – when I’m done, it will be full.” She looked at her. “It’s not our story, Haruka – I know you’ll always know every detail of our story by heart. Every page, every line is something I’ve written for you – every thought I’ve had about you, every emotion I’ve felt throughout this whole journey, every dream. Basically, this journal is me, for you to have so that I can be there for you in spirit when I can no longer be there for you in body.”
Haruka picked it up gently, running a finger over the cover as if it were a treasure made of solid gold. “You… You did this?”
Isabella laid a hand on her cheek and turned her so that she met her eyes. “Haruka Saito, you mean more to me than I could ever describe in words, but I did my best because, since the day I met you, not a single thought in my mind has been about anything but making you happier. I will never stop regretting having to leave you so quickly, but not once will I regret meeting you in the first place. I hate the pain I’m going to cause you, and I swear I am going to take away as much of it as I can.” She shifted onto her knees and put her hands on either side of her head, making sure she didn’t look away. “We are not done. Do you hear me? I may die, and I don’t know the rules after that, but I’ve never cared for rules and I promise you that god himself is not going to keep me from seeing you again, okay? This book… This book is just to get you through until that happens.”
Haruka laid her forehead against Isabella’s, closing her eyes and swallowing. “I don’t believe there’s another person like you in any realm in any universe.”
Isabella smiled. “No, you got the only one.” She slipped into Haruka’s lap as the monk’s arms encircled her. “Promise me you’ll be strong for me, okay? Promise me you’ll fight. Promise me you won’t just give up.”
“I’ll try,” Haruka said as she buried her face in her hair. “I promise you I’ll try. But you better be there when I come looking.”
“Ruki… When have I ever let you down?”
IXH
One Week Later
The morning was grey and overcast, and the mood across the camp was somber. Haruka stood beside a carriage with Freya, watching with sad eyes as Isabella smiled, wiping away Suria’s tears as she stood before her. “Come on now, you’ve only just started. A young girl like you shouldn’t be so focused on the end of anything.”
Suria sniffed, wiping at her eyes. “I’m going to miss you, though. I feel like we only just met, but I won’t… get to see you again.”
“Nonsense,” Isabella said firmly, laying her hands on the younger woman’s shoulders. “You just have a long time to wait, that’s all. And when you see me again, you’ll be the one telling the stories. And you better have some good ones or I’ll be very disappointed.”
Suria smiled. “I will. I’ll become a new legend, and I’ll spread your name as well.”
Bella laughed softly. “I used to care about that… Now, I’ll be happy as long as you remember it.” She hugged her tightly before looking at Able and moving to him. Able wasn’t crying – he didn’t cry. This caused Bella to smile as she inspected his blank expression. “No tears for our goodbye, huh? You’re a tough one.”
Able tilted his head. “I could attempt to make my eyes water if you wished.”
“Oh, no, that’s alright.”
He nodded, but he held her gaze. “I’m disappointed that I won’t ever get a chance for a rematch when I’m strong enough to be able to beat you.”
Isabella smiled. “It’s probably better this way – it would be very sad to beat you after you worked so hard.”
Able smirked. “Sure.” Isabella laughed and turned away. “Bella.” She paused and looked back, and he glanced down before looking away, obviously irritated. “I’ll miss you,” he forced himself to admit. He jerked in surprise as she hugged him tightly, which seemed to irritate him further, but it didn’t bother her.
She pulled back and smiled at him. “I’ll miss you too. You look over Suria, ‘kay?” He nodded and she left him to stand before Dalgus and Ophelia. “You two… We never would have made it without your help,” she said. “Thank you for everything you did.”
Ophelia shrugged, looking away. “It wasn’t troublesome… You deserved it.”
Dalgus laughed and rubbed the back of his head. “Y’know, we only did what we’d do for any worthy friend.” He lowered his hand and smiled at her. “Honestly… Good luck, Enyo. I’m honored I got the chance to meet you.”
Isabella smiled at him. “I’m honored to have met a real leader. You’re going to create a lot of good in the world, even if you don’t know it…” She turned away, taking a few steps towards Haruka and Freya before looking back over her shoulder with a slight smile. “Stay.” Dalgus just smirked as she turned away once more, climbing into the carriage with help from Haruka and Freya. They climbed in after her and, as the door closed, she looked out of it at the others and began crying herself as it started moving. No one looked away until the carriage was out of sight.
IXH
Two Weeks Later
Isabella stood before Freya on the deck of the Black Wake, and this time she was unable to keep from crying. Even Freya, for once in her life, wasn’t bothering to prevent the few tears that left her eyes. She didn’t give a damn if anyone thought it odd. Finally it became too much for her and she stepped forward and pulled Isabella into the strongest hug she could, blinking rapidly. “I knew the second I saw you floatin’ on that dead ship that you were gonna cause me trouble.”
Isabella laughed, closing her eyes and hugging the pirate tightly. “I always heard stories about pirates – I didn’t expect my closest friend to be one.”
“The saltiest, toughest pirate on th’ seas,” Freya responded.
Isabella pulled back and smiled at her. “Then why are you crying?”
Freya ran a sleeve across her eyes. “That’s jus’ what you can do,” she said with a smile. “I ain’t never met a person like you, Isabella, an’ I don’t expect to again. An’ I gotta say, I’m a little relieved at that, ‘cause it ain’t good for my reputation.”
“Your reputation is different with me,” Isabella said softly. “You’ve been with us since the beginning. You put your life on the line for us more than once, you helped us through everything you could, and you set aside everything to keep us safe. You helped us out of every situation and you gave us a chance to fit in all the happiness we could. Everything we’ve had we owe to you, so while others might fear you, to me, you’ll always be a hero.”
Freya sniffed and wiped her eyes again. “Damn it, girl, stop doin’ this t’ me! I ain’t built for this,” she said with a laugh. She pulled her into yet another hug. “I’m gonna miss you more than I can say.”
Isabella returned it with what strength she could muster before stepping back and smiling gently. “So will I. Promise me you’ll look after Haruka for me, okay? She’s going to need you.”
Freya nodded. “You ain’t gotta worry about that. She’s got a place on my ship, an’ I’ll leave it for ‘er anytime. You just…” She trailed off and looked away.
Isabella smiled and kissed her cheek. “Goodbye, Freya,” she said before turning away, taking Haruka’s hand as they stepped off of the ship.
“Goodbye,” Freya responded quietly, keeping her eyes on the deck. She stood there for a long time before finally moving to the edge of the deck, gripping the railing tightly and hanging her head as her tears fell into the ocean below. “Damn it…”
IXH
They arrived in Stahl late in the morning, under an overcast sky that threatened rain later in the day. Isabella was walking slowly, but she smiled as they stepped into the borders of the town. “The banners and lights… Ruki, do you remember?”
Haruka smiled. “It’s the same festival.”
“It’s exactly one year to the day since we met,” Bella said with a fond look, guiding them through the town. They ended up in a familiar whitewood gazebo that was devoid of people, and Isabella smiled as she leaned on the edge, enjoying the cool air with tired eyes. “Haruka Saito,” she said softly. “I like it. It fits you, Haruka Saito.”
Haruka smiled, closing her eyes as she leaned on the rail beside her. “Fits?”
“Sharp, dangerous… A name for a fighter,” Isabella said with an adoring look at her. “But it also has a lot of promise.”
“Promise?”
“Haru,” Bella said with a nod. “Ruka.” She gave a soft smile, speaking very softly. “Ruki.” She leaned into her as Haruka slipped an arm around her, sighing. “I love you, Ruki.”
“I love you too,” Haruka said, kissing her head gently.
Isabella moved to straighten up, but couldn’t; she tried to take a step and nearly fell, but Haruka’s panicked hands caught her. Isabella felt the world swim and her breath catch as she lost feeling in her body. “Haruka…”
Haruka lifted her fully. “Bella?” She checked her eyes, but they were closed. She checked her pulse – weak, but still there. With a speed born of fear the monk sprinted through the town and opened a door she’d opened once before.
The shock of the woman inside was familiar as well, but this time it was soon replaced with greater emotion. “Back room.” Haruka followed her directions and laid her wife down on the first bed they had shared, backing away from it and pacing as Vivian Heart checked over her. After a minute Vivian lowered her head, standing slowly and turning to Haruka. “I’m sorry… It seems like this is it. There’s nothing I can do.”
IXH
Haruka stood outside, waiting for Isabella to wake up. She couldn’t stare at her like that; she couldn’t watch her lay there so still and unmoving. Unsurprisingly, the expected rain had begun pouring, soaking the earth around her. She paced back and forth; she clenched and unclenched her hands. Without warning a scream of rage erupted from her throat as she spun and punched a wall, wishing it was something that would make a difference.
Shouldn’t she have accepted this by now? She’d known this was coming from the beginning, so why wasn’t she any closer to being ready for it? She wanted to push it back a year, a week, a day – anything, any extra time she could get she would take. But there was none.
She collapsed against the wall, crying, and stayed there until Vivian stepped outside. “She’s awake.” And Haruka stood and went inside, feeling her heart break further with each step.
H
When Isabella looked at her as she stepped into the room, she could see that the knight already knew the truth of it. “Ruki…” she said softly, giving a weak smile as she lifted her hand. Haruka approached and grasped it tightly and Bella moved a bit, inviting her to share the bed with her one more time, like they had in this very bed so long ago. Haruka climbed in, doing her best to keep control of her emotions as Isabella looked at her with loving grey eyes. “You’re crying already… That’s not supposed to happen yet.”
Haruka looked away, unable to stop the tears from falling. “This isn’t… supposed to happen yet, either.”
Isabella laid a hand on her cheek, guiding her gaze back to her own. “We knew… This was never avoidable… This was always going to be the way it ended.” As Haruka began crying Isabella moved closer, squeezing her hand. “Shh… There’s no need to be so sad. I’d always thought I would die alone… I thought I deserved that. I didn’t think anyone would care when I was gone except to say, ‘I’m glad she’s not here’. I envisioned myself collapsing in the dirt and just… fading away.”
She lifted Haruka’s hand, kissing it softly and giving her a genuine smile despite the tears in her own eyes. “You changed all of that, Haruka. I haven’t wanted to die since I met you.”
“I don’t… want you to,” Haruka managed to whisper.
“Neither do I,” Bella said with the best amused smile she could give. “It’s because of you that I want to keep living. But even though I can’t… Haruka… You’ve made this last year of my life the best one I’ve ever lived. You gave me reason to hope, reason to laugh, reason to love, and reason to live. You’ve been my reason for everything. Because of you my life ends here, in the arms of the person I love more than I ever thought I had the ability to.”
Isabella ran her fingers through Haruka’s hair. The woman continued to cry but she kept her eyes on Bella, determined not to miss a moment. “Because of you I no longer believe I deserve death. Because of you… someone cares. You’ve made me so happy… This past year has made everything else in my life worth it. All of the pain, all the depression, all the madness, all the tragedy… I’d go through all of it again just for another day with you. I’m so sorry it has to end this way… I’m sorry I have to leave you alone. I know the pain it will bring you and I wish I could take that away.”
She traced a finger over Haruka’s cheek. “But every day you feel that loneliness… Every day you wake up alone, every day you go to sleep in an empty bed… I want you to remember that you made my life worth it. I want you to remember that, wherever I am, you are forever in my thoughts, and my heart. You are strong, Haruka. I believe you can get through this like everything else you have overcome. I’m so… proud of you. So truly grateful I was lucky enough to spend this time with someone so incredible. And I will always… always love you.”
Haruka wrapped her arms around her, holding her as tightly as she dared. She wasn’t ashamed as she wept, and Isabella hugged her back with a strength she shouldn’t have. Haruka curled her fingers in her hair, whispering in reply, “I love you… I will never forget you. For the rest of my life you will remain as important to me, the center of my world, as you have always been.” She closed her eyes, shaking.
Isabella smiled as she pulled back enough to look at her, using her thumb to wipe away her tears before she kissed her. Haruka deepened the kiss before it ended and they stayed there, lying in silence as the final hour passed.
It went far too quickly. Isabella’s breathing slowed and Haruka moved to look at her. Isabella looked weak now, weaker than Haruka had ever seen her, but there was a strength in her grey eyes that burned as brightly as it ever had and seemed as if it would never fade. “I have to… leave you now, Ruki,” she said quietly, trying to sound light-hearted.
Haruka placed a hand on her cheek as if she could keep her there. “Just stay a bit longer… Please…”
Isabella laughed softly, giving her a sad smile. “I wish I could… You have no idea how much… It’s not my choice, though. Even if I was given a thousand years this would still come too soon…” Her eyes closed but she took another breath a few seconds later, forcing them open.
“I love you,” Haruka said in a voice overcome with emotion.
The smile on Isabella’s face was genuine. The happiness was visible in her eyes as her hand weakly clasped Haruka’s. “I love you too… Ruki.”
She managed one more breath, brushing her thumb over Haruka’s hand before her eyes fell closed for the final time. Her fingers gave one last squeeze and then loosened. Haruka watched the last of her life leave her and then, with a shaky hand, pulled her close, burying her face in Isabella’s hair.
And Haruka cried.