Among the Loves
I sit here sometimes, on the edge of a roof of an apartment, parallel
to the apartment in which she and her partner...make love every night.
Every night since she has saved her partner from the doom I fortold
would come upon her, they have been with one another.
I believe it is for comfort, from the darkness outside, and from the
darkness within themselves.
Or perhaps desire, one of sexual need. To feel one moving against
another, in pain and pleasure.
Or perhaps, even love.
But it doesn't matter...soon she will come to understand the truth,
and she will journey through the desert, and learn her true path once
again. A path with me, and only me.
This type of..love, was never told to me by Altena. Perhaps it was
something she wished for me to find out on my own.
Why do I watch this? Is it because I am..because I am jealous that I
was not the first one to lay my hands upon the parts of my partner
which only I should touch?
When she understands, I wish to feel her against me, as her partner
has. It will be something beautiful I look forward to.
Yet I still watch, unblinking. My pulse beats faster and faster as
their lovemaking gets ever more intense...I don't know and have never
known this feeling..
Tonight, I see their silhouettes through the red sheets which hang
over the glass windows. The Blond cups her partner's breasts in her
hands, while proceeding to draw her into an intense kiss. Her partner
responds equally as well, returning the same passion as the Blond,
while her hand goes slowly along the Blond's breasts, down her stomach
and past her navel to the place she most desires.
Drawing one another towards the bed, I see them writhe and gasp,
never letting go of one another.
It was more...softer and gentle last night. Tonight it is hard and
intense, like rushing water. Tonight it must be of desire and release.
Murder is something no one can forget. I may kill without hesitation,
and not think of it anymore, but I know that the sin is still there,
but Noir, Noir is not complete without sin.
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We woke up in each other's arms again. Her petite body seemingly fit
with mine. As though we are parts of a puzzle, and the way we fit
together completes it.
Last night, she truly desired me, but I..I..I'm afraid of her. I'm
afraid that she loves me. I see the look in her eye when we are alone
- does she really want to love me? Do I deserve _her_ love?
I don't understand any of this. I never could. Maybe..one day I can
though.
But right now, I am just a coward when I am with her.
It's all a facade, a mask. It's the life we have chosen to live, but
now, we live together, and now, I don't know the meaning of 'our',
'us' or 'together'.
Our mortality lessens every day. One day, we may never be together
again, for one of us may inhabit a grave. No one but the one who
survives will weep for the other. I just wish I knew whether the tears
will be for the one who loved the other more than life itself or
simply a lost friend in the day-to-day job of murder.
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She was finally the one to say it, maybe not face-to-face, but in the
end, it didn't matter.
"Mireille, whom I cherish"..my heart stopped at those words, those
words I longed to hear but could never say myself. Kirika once again
proved to be the strong one.
I was weak because I could not kill her. I love Kirika so much, so
very much. Maybe things were supposed to be this way?
I don't believe in destiny.
Maybe I should?
It doesn't matter now. She's gone, because I wished for her to suffer
a misery worse then death.
But I'm going to get her back, because even though she did kill my
parents, that was far in the past, and I can tell she is different
now. She's someone beautiful and caring, and she's mine, because I
can't be with anyone else ever anymore, because now, I don't want to
be. Only her, and only her alone.
I need to find Kirika now...
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Noir.
The True Noir. This is what we are, and always will be. Our Destiny
is intertwined in the darkness that is Noir. A black thread.
If Love can kill, then hatred can save.
My Partner has finally understood who she is now. A part of me, and
me of her.
As she slips off her monk like robe, I can only gasp at her beauty.
She is a goddess.
My Goddess.
I now stand before her naked, and yet, I do not blush...because..this
is our destiny.
Taking her hand into mine, I gently lead her to the lake. We shall
purify ourselves to become the True Noir, wholly as one.
As we walk to the lake, she disentangles her hand from mine, and I
feel cold without her.
I can see she is empty...is it..because of _her_? No..it can't be,
our destiny is the true one. The Third, she does not understand.
As I wash myself, I feel the need to touch her growing by the minute.
I walk over to her, and look her into the eyes, baring my soul to
her...yet she is the same..still empty.
I gently give her a passionate kiss, one full of desire, need,
comfort, understanding...
She does not respond...why? Why doesn't she respond...
Then..I see why.
She senses the Third Tree.
As the Third comes upon us, after we have just finished putting our
clothes back on, she stares my partner right in the eyes.
Love...
I see it in her eyes.
Things...can never be simple, can they?
As the Third and my partner begin to duel, I realize that they have
already chosen each other.
Why...why...is it not me..
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Kirika is painting a portrait of me. Each brush stroke of her gentle
hands expressing her thoughts. She, in my mind, is a master artist, a
good as Da Vinci, Michelangelo and all the others.
I do believe in destiny now.
The things that happened to us, have brought us together are like no
other.
The guns we once carried, the harbingers of death and eternal
damnnation we once were, are no more. No more loud gunshots, the smell
of sulpher and smoke no longer fills our nostrils.
Once engulfed as in the darkness, as Noir, we now seek the light, as
Kirika Yuumura and Mireille Bouquet. Always hand-in-hand, never
seperating.
When we hold hands, I feel something that I've never felt before, not
with anyone else. We share a connection that transcends even our
understanding.
When we kiss, I feel so needed, so wanted, so...loved. I never
thought I would say that word again. "Love"...something I've wanted so
long, and now, I've found it, with someone who understands my past, my
present and maybe even my future.
When we make love, it is an indescribable feeling. Two of us. We
become as one, and I can hear her breath and gasp my name, as I do
hers.
"Mireille?" That look, a gaze that always peirces to my inner soul.
"Kirika, what is it?"
"I love you, Mireille." She says, smiling, in a voice that is full of
emotion, but no longer filled with sorrow, no longer self-hate, no
longer doubt.
Slowly I begin to walk towards her, as I near her, she smiles even
more.
I bring her into a lovers embrace, and let everything I feel pour out
me as look into her eyes. She does as well, and we forget time exists,
enraptured with one another.
"Mireille?"
"Hmm?" I say, knowing that sometimes, she asks the hardest questions.
But that is what makes her strong, always wanting to find the truth,
no matter how hard the answer may be.
"Lie to me. One day, they will come back for us, won't they? And then
one of us may die from their hands. Say they won't, please say it..."
"I can't lie to you, I never could...but I will be there with you, if
you go. I...I will take my life. Because being with you is all that
matters to me now."
"Love certainly can kill, can't it?" She says in a small voice.
"Yes, but hatred can never, ever save..." I say, hoping that indeed,
we can be together on this earth forever, even if this earth is filled
with pain, sorrow, destruction and death...
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Authors note: I wrote this back a few years ago, I thought I'd republish it to a wider audience. Thanks for reading!
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