Jeanne was a naturally beautiful woman, but she had a habit of smothering herself in unnatural quantities of make-up, to the extent that, sometimes, she closely resembled a porcelain doll. Watching her now, Cereza thought: if she gets any angrier, she’s going to explode into a thousand pieces of ceramic.
I suppose it would be fun, gluing her back together.
“I am a wonderful woman,” Jeanne declared. “I am attractive, intelligent, sophisticated, talented. A delightful conversationalist. It was my destiny to inherit the Umbra Throne! I’m one of a kind! I deserve a partner who appreciates me. I deserve a lover who recognizes what a tremendous person I am. But most importantly, I deserve better than this!”
Apparently Jeanne was far too swept up in her speechifying to notice Cereza casting a bored glance at the clock on the far wall.
“Do you ever stop to consider my feelings, Cereza? I have needs, also, although my needs are apparently not nearly as shallow as yours. I need companionship. I need intellectual stimulation. And what’s more, I have so much to give to a person that’s worthy of me. I’m caring, and loyal, and pleasant to be around. There are innumerable men and women who would kill to have me as their girlfriend, Cereza!”
Cereza sighed. The thing was, she really quite liked the arrangement she currently had in place. Cereza had forgotten how much fun it was being single. She had forgotten how much she enjoyed not having to inform her partner of her whereabouts every single moment of the day. She had forgotten how much fun it was not being forced to come up with opinions on outfits and hairstyles and interior décor and countless other silly, irrelevant things. She had forgotten how much easier life was when she had to deal with only one monthly cycle.
Best of all, when the evening came, if she happened to be horny (and Cereza was that type of creature), all she had to do was saunter on over to Jeanne’s apartment for a night of unemotional, guilt-free and very loud sex. What was the point in going to the bother of breaking in a new lover, when Jeanne already knew how to satisfy her?
There was only one downside: before she could get to the good part, she was forced to sit through a nightly speech.
“I am not a piece of meat that you can just rub yourself against whenever you’re feeling bored! I am not your booty call! How dare you just come over here every single night and expect me to simply service you!”
Cereza shifted impatiently. Always a speech. Not that it ever made any difference; Jeanne predictably succumbed to her will.
Jeanne went on: “You’ve made it perfectly clear by your actions how little regard you have for your Umbra Sister! The next time we meet, the first words that fall from your lips had better be an apology, for I am owed one by your treatment of me!”
“An apology?” asked Cereza. “You want me to apologize for all the times in the last week that I let you climb on top of me and tear my clothes off?”
“No more! I finally see how little you value me. I’m better than this.”
Cereza rolled her eyes. “Jeanne, dear, I’m going back to my place, now. Would you like to know what I’m going to do when I get there, hmmmm?”
“Whatever you choose to do, it will not concern me!”
Cereza stepped closer to Jeanne, and met her eyes with a firm gaze. “I’m going to run myself a bath. There’s a nice, big tub in my new place – plenty of room to stretch about – and I’m going to fill it with salts and have a nice, long soak. I’m going to put scented candles all over the room,” and here Cereza closed her eyes and inhaled deeply through her nose. “Mmmmm, I can already smell them!”
“Now, I can’t have my skin getting dried up and wrinkly, can I? When bath time is over, I’d better make sure to rub plenty of lotion into my skin.” There was no need for illustration, but Cereza glided her hands over her stomach and waist anyway. “Every inch…” she said, her eyes never leaving Jeanne’s.
“After that, I’m going to get into my big, queen-sized bed. I’m going to lay down on that fresh cotton – but, ooh, what will I do if I can’t get to sleep?” Cereza feigned concern, and placed a contemplative finger on her lips. “How will I get rid of all this energy?”
Jeanne smiled brightly. “Well, Cereza, you do possess the most extensive collection of vibrators known to womankind, so I’m sure you’ll find a way.”
Cereza laughed harshly, and then wiggled her hips. “I have a buzz in my body, and I’m going to have to find a way to burn it off. One way or another, Jeanne, when I fall asleep tonight, I am going to have a blissful smile on my face. Whether you decide to play a part in the proceedings or not, is up to you.”
The air crackled with electricity as a portal opened up in the middle of the apartment, a portal leading to Cereza’s own dwelling, across the city. Before she turned away, Cereza gazed at Jeanne, a wordless challenge passing between them. Cereza stepped through the portal, and disappeared from view.
The portal did not disappear. It hovered in the air, waiting, daring Jeanne to step through.
My resolve is wrought from steel, thought Jeanne. For the last few nights, I went along with her little game, because I wanted to. I exploited her just as she exploited me. I am of Umbra blood, I would not submit my flesh to any person unless I so chose! But I will submit no more! I’m not going to let that woman lead me around by the nose! I’m not going to live at her beck and call! Cereza wants to have sex with me, and I’m going to refuse!
Cereza wants to have sex with me, and I’m going to refuse…
Cereza wants to have sex with me…
()()()()()()
Jeanne’s head was in her hands. “I was Cereza’s best friend when she was a child. I was her only friend. We grew into women together. I sealed her away to save her life. After Jubileus was defeated, we were lovers for an entire year. I shared everything with her. And after all we’ve experienced together, suddenly she sees me as nothing more than a…a fuck buddy?”
Jeanne threw up her hands in defeat, and fell back into the couch. “Everything that I ought to represent to her…I…how can she be so unfeeling? How can she treat me as nothing more than some…convenient sexual outlet, after everything I’ve done for her? She knows how I feel about her. She knows how much work I put into trying to keep our relationship intact. How can she be content with just…doing…what we’ve been doing lately?”
Kaufmann mused for a moment on the latest developments, and then said: “You know, Jeanne, in your and Cereza’s case, I think this ‘friends-with-benefits’ arrangement is a bad situation. I really don’t think you should continue to have sexual relations with Cereza anymore. Break-ups are followed by periods of emotional healing, but, in your case, by continuing to see Cereza, you keep sending yourself back to Square One. You’re not going to be able to get over this split until you remove Cereza from your life. Altogether, Jeanne.”
“Well, of course, but…I still don’t understand how she can be so cavalier about me! Do I really mean so little to her? Am I really just a meaningless screw to her? Nyx, I…I told Cereza things that I would never tell another soul! I’ve never, ever allowed anyone to be as close to me as she was! When Cereza’s memories returned, and she remembered how terribly the Umbra abused her, I was the one who tried to be her rock. I was the one who tried to keep her sane, no matter how angry or distraught she became! And despite all of this, now she thinks of me as nothing but her whore!”
Kaufmann nodded vigorously. “You see, Jeanne? Do you see? You’re dwelling on all these horrible ideas and emotions, and all because of this woman! You need to recognize that this is a really unhealthy relationship! You need to keep as far away from Cereza as possible! Run away! Don’t answer her calls, don’t read about her in the news, don’t do anything that could remind you of her!”
“Yes, yes, but how in Paradiso did it get like this? Friends don’t just…did she change, somehow?”
Jeanne’s face scrunched up, and for a moment, Kaufmann thought that she was going to burst into tears. Jeanne glanced frantically around the office, her gaze darting here and there, as if desperately searching for something to focus her gaze upon.
“She tricked me, didn’t she?” she said, her voice becoming increasingly mournful. “Oh, Nyx, she tricked me. The Cereza that I knew and the Cereza of today are two completely different people. I was wrong all along. I wanted to believe that she was the same woman, I wanted to believe that there was some of that spirit left, but I just deceived myself. The old Cereza died when I sealed her in that casket, and the new Cereza just saw someone she could take advantage of. Oh, Nyx, I’ve been such an idiot…”
“Now, Jeanne, there’s no need to jump to conclusions…”
“What other explanation is there? I wanted my friend back! I wanted my oldest, dearest friend back, and that impostor, that conwoman perceived my weakness and pounced! She spent twenty years working with hoodlums and thieves, she knew precisely what she was doing! Oh, it all makes sense, now! I’ve been such a gullible fool! All those secrets I told her, all the intimacies I shared with her, and all along she was just using me! I told her that she was my entire world, and all that time I was nothing to her but a delectable piece of…” Jeanne’s face twisted into a knot of revulsion. “…arse!”
Kaufmann groaned. You know, he thought to himself, this is probably the easiest way to keep those two away from each other. If you have any sense, you’ll let Jeanne believe that Cereza really was taking her for a ride. Jeanne will have nothing more to do with Cereza – and then with Cereza out of the picture, Jeanne’ll be free to deal with her own mountain of neuroses without that other woman making things worse.
But Jeanne was still in full-on lamentation mode. “How could I have been so naïve? I thought that we were Sisters. I thought that she was my other self. I thought that we would rebuild the Umbra Order together – and she thought that I was nothing more than a piece of choice totty! My goddess, I’ve been such a fool! My ancestors would be so ashamed of me! I’ve disappointed all my Sisters, I’m unworthy of my lineage, I’m unworthy of the legacy of the Order, I never deserved the Umbra Throne…”
Before things get out of hand, Kaufmann decided to interject. “Look, Jeanne, you’re jumping the gun, here.”
What are you doing, you idiot?, cried a part of Kaufmann’s mind, the part that liked to keep things simple. She’s one step away from banishing Cereza from her life forever!
“Jumping the gun?” asked Jeanne. “How so?”
Pretend you said nothing! Tell her she’s hearing voices!
Kaufmann grimaced, but went on: “I already told you that Cereza has little experience with meaningful relationships. She doesn’t know how people behave when they’re together. She doesn’t know how to handle differences or compromise. She doesn’t know how to handle break-ups.”
Jeanne was leaning forward in her seat, paying the doctor rapt attention. There was eagerness in her eyes – and something more, Kaufmann noted with dismay. He thought he could perceive a glint of hope.
Kaufmann took a deep breath, and sealed his fate: “Since Cereza doesn’t know what normal relationships look like…it’s possible that she thinks your current situation is a romantic relationship.”
Jeanne’s cheek twitched.
“I don’t know this for sure,” he stressed. “Cereza stopped attending our sessions when she broke up with you, and I haven’t seen her since. I can only guess at what’s going through her head. But when I did have her as a client, I learned very quickly that Cereza cuts out anything in life that makes her uncomfortable. She has an amazing ability to ignore anything that she doesn’t like. When she was up all hours, boozing and partying, her behaviour caused you immense distress – and she just ignored it. Now, you two have settled into a casual sexual relationship, which you find unfulfilling, not to mention hurtful. Once again, Cereza’s just ignoring the fact that she’s hurting you.”
“Do you remember when I explained how Cereza felt so oppressed by the expectations that you had for her, how she felt so burdened by the demands that you were making of her, that she was unconsciously attempting to destroy the relationship? Well, now that she doesn’t live with you anymore, she no longer feels this expectation weighing on her. She probably thinks that the relationship has improved! She has more freedom, she no longer has to put up with your complaining, and she can get sex and intimacy from you whenever she feels like it. And you oblige her. From her point of view, all the problems that you two had have been solved, and all she had to do was move to another part of the city. If someone asked her, she might say that your relationship has never been better.”
“But it’s not a relationship!” Jeanne protested.
“Yes, but she can’t see that,” said Kaufmann. “You need to make her understand this, Jeanne. Cereza is far too thick-skulled to work it out by herself. You need to leave this woman behind. You’ll never be able to address your issues as long as you have this woman piling her own problems on top of yours.”
“My issues? My problems?” Jeanne raised a dubious eyebrow, and then gave a forlorn laugh. “And to think, I originally sent Cereza to you because I thought that she was the one needing healing.”
“Oh, she does. She clearly does. But, like I said, I haven’t seen her since she walked out of this office, weeks ago.” With a shrug, Kaufmann added: “I guess not going to my therapy sessions is another bonus that comes with this new, improved relationship that Cereza thinks she has with you.”
Jeanne shook her head, disbelievingly. “Was I truly that bad? Was I such a nag that she came close to killing herself with alcohol, just so that I would leave her?”
Jeanne thought: Every night, Cereza comes knocking on the door. We argue for a while, we make love, and when I wake up in the morning, if I’m lucky, she’ll still be there for breakfast. I see her for two hours a day, three at most. Can she really bear to see me for only three hours a day?
Jeanne brooded for a full minute, Kaufmann patiently waiting, and then two words slipped out: “Poor thing.”
“Yes,” said Kaufmann. “Cereza has a long and hard road ahead of her. But she can’t be fixed until she’s ready to be fixed. The important thing, now, Jeanne, is worrying about your own mental happiness. We’ve got to focus on your wellbeing.”
“My wellbeing…” said Jeanne, and as Kaufmann watched, a light came into her eyes. “Yes. I’m not happy, am I, doctor? Deep down, in my heart, I’m very unhappy.”
“And we’ll work on that, Jeanne, you have my word!”
Jeanne continued, as if being carried along by some train of thought that she could not escape: “I punish the people around me, because I am so miserable. It’s true, isn’t it? I make people suffer because I feel so wretched.”
“Yes, but you’re a fighter, and you’ll prevail over this.”
Jeanne nodded eagerly, and a strange smile crept over her face. It was as if this train was taking her somewhere that she really, really liked. “Yes. Yes. I’ll confront my melancholy head-on. I’ll resolve these problems of mine, and when I do, I’ll no longer punish others for my own unhappiness.”
“That’s the spirit.”
“I’m going to be a kinder, more thoughtful woman…”
“Great!”
“…and when I am, Cereza and I can be together!”
If Kaufmann had the strength and recuperative powers of a witch, he would at that moment have launched his forehead into a wall.