Story: The Daughters of Lilith (chapter 4)

Authors: bleeding.blade

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Chapter 4

Title: Doctor Ritsuko Akagi

When they told me that they'd found an Eva and that I was being reassigned, all I could think of was how far away the Arctic was—how far away I would have to be.

Aren't you pleased, Doctor Akagi?

I turned to look at Maya and noted the gleaming satisfaction on her face. The Evas were not just my work; they were the children I never had. Now one of my "children" had just been found and I was discovering—just like my mother had before me—how bad a mother I could be.

We'll need to pack quickly, Lieutenant Ibuki. They tell us we're leaving at first light.

Yes, of course, Doctor Akagi.

It was only after Maya had gone that I noticed the trembling in my hands.

~~~~~

They told me that you were going.

She was standing at the doorway, an unreadable expression on her face.

It'll be a short-term reassignment, maybe six to eight months at most.

Did it ever occur to you to say no?

Would it have occurred to you to say no?

Just answer my question, Ritsuko.

You know as well as I do that I really don't have a choice.

And you know as well as I do that you're really not answering my question.

I stopped in the middle of packing and looked outside my window.

I don't want to go, Misato.

I felt her arms wrap around me.

That's all I needed to hear.

I leaned back into her embrace.

You're not going to stop me then?

You know as well as I do that you really don't have a choice.

Lieutenant Ibuki is coming with me.

I felt her arms stiffen. After a moment, she withdrew. At least there'll be someone to look after you. You tend to neglect yourself when you get lost in your work.

I called her back when she reached the doorway. And who's going to look after you, Misato?

She glanced back at me with a hooded smile. No one. Not at least until you get back.

Half a year would pass before I would see her again.

~~~~~

When I saw the figure waiting for me in my assigned room, things fell immediately into place. After the initial moment of shock, all that was left was surprise: surprise that he had taken so long and that I hadn't immediately guessed.

You look well, Ritsukowell enough despite the tedium of the work they've given you all these months.

Just because the world isn't ending doesn't mean I'm bored, Gendo. What do you want?

What I've always wanted, Ritsuko.

Just because the world isn't ending doesn't mean I have time for your games either. I'll ask again, Gendo: what do you want?

A new beginning, Ritsuko, and your help in creating it.

You expect me to help you after you betrayed me?

If I had succeededif we had succeededevery betrayal, every sacrifice, every death and every loss would have been redeemed. You know that as well as I do.

What makes you so sure you won't fail again?

Because we've already failed once, and that failure's taught us exactly what we need to avoid.

I looked at him closely then, this man I'd worshipped, feared and loved with an intensity bordering on insanity. Strange that after the world had ended, some delusions still survived.

Alright, Gendo. I'll help you revive the Evas. I'll help you restart Instrumentality.

~~~~~

I said yes because there was no one who could oppose him—no one who could refuse him in the face of his obsession. He had found supporters in the new government, supporters powerful enough to conceal his agenda and theirs.

And even if the world had already ended once, I still understood the lure of what he was trying to achieve. It was the lure of a world where the illusory boundaries that separated people were dispelled, where all human beings were one, where, as he had said, "every betrayal, every sacrifice, every death and every loss" could finally be redeemed. It was a vision that had called to me once—a vision that had proved every bit as compelling as the science it had demanded I create.

But somewhere along the way, the attraction of that vision had faded; faded to be replaced by a vision of a world where people were free to dispel the illusion of separateness in their own flawed and fumbling ways—a world where love was a choice rather than a given, a world where the risks were ridiculously high only because the rewards were ridiculously higher, a world where happiness could assume the sound of one's name on a resurrected beloved's lips.

There was only one way such a world could survive—and that way meant stopping Gendo.

~~~~~

It took me three months to create a way to communicate with the outside world that wouldn't raise any suspicion. Every two weeks we were allowed to leave headquarters to spend time on any of the neighboring leisure bases. I quickly established a pattern of frequenting a particular bar—and of having one-night stands with different men.

As soon as I felt that my routine had become predictable, I sent an untraceable and encrypted message to the one man in the world who was capable of ruining my remaining happiness.

Then I waited.

~~~~~

I didn't know they sent beauties to the Arctic.

And I didn't know they sent idiots.

You're not very friendly, are you?

It's not my job to be friendly.

Mine is. Care to leave this joint?

Thought you'd never ask.

It was only when the motel door closed behind him that he chose to speak again.

Never thought you cared for these kinds of places, Ritsuko.

I sat down on the only chair in the room, crossed my legs and shrugged.

If you've done your homework, Kaji, you'll know that It's one of the very few establishments in the area that's guaranteed to be bug-proof.

Do you actually sleep with all the men that you bring here?

I can't see how that question's relevant to your investigation.

So tell me, since you're the one who asked me to be here, what questions are actually relevant to my investigation.

Start by asking me what I'm doing and who I'm working for.

I already know the answers to those questionsthe official answers at least. I know you're resurrecting the Evas and I know you're working for the government.

Surface answers to surface questions. I'm reviving Instrumentality and I'm doing it with Gendo.

The sardonic smile on his face vanished. I've spent the last year hunting Gendo, Ritsuko, and I haven't come up with a single trace. And you're telling me that he's been here all along, behind the scenes of the single most prominent project being undertaken on the planet?

I looked at him coolly. How else do you think he's evaded you all this time? He has backers in the highest levels. He's always had them and he always will.

The look of angry despair that flashed across his face almost made me pity him.

Why did you ask me to come here?

Because we're the only ones who can stop him.

How?

I gather evidence from the inside; you find support from the outside. Not everyone shares Gendo's obsession for world annihilationyou're the only one I know who can figure out who doesn't.

Why do you even want to stop him? Didn't you use to be on his side?

Maybe the fact of the world ending can change people just a bit.

He looked at me for a long and thoughtful moment before finally nodding his head.

Does Misato know anything about this?

Would it help matters if she did?

He shook his head and gave me an ironic smile.

If the day ever comes that she finds out, we'll both have hell to pay.

I smiled back at him without humor. I can only entertain one thought of hell at a time.

On his way out, I called him back.

What'll you do when this is all over?

He didn't look back as he replied. What I've always wanted to do: go home to wherever Misato is.

I spent the rest of that night the same way I'd spent all my previous nights in that motel: alone in a chair, wishing I were a thousand miles away.

~~~~~

It was a few weeks later, and I was just about to enter the room with my companion for the night when a heavy thud behind me caused me to whirl around in alarm.

The intruder had me in the room and pinned against the wall in seconds, while my companion crumpled to a heap in the hallway.

Is this why you never wrote me, never messaged, never called?

The hood slipped away from her face; the coldness in her eyes made me involuntarily shudder.

No one's touched me in the last six months, Misato. I looked down at her hands around my throat. At least not until tonight.

She stared at me for a long, uncertain moment until I couldn't take it anymore and kissed her—kissed her with all the lust and longing that had been building up over several wretched weeks. She responded by shoving me into the bed and tearing off my clothes, ravaging every expanse of flesh she managed to bare. She spent the next hour fucking me senseless on every available surface, using her fingers, her mouth and her tongue.

And when she was done, I flipped her over and fucked her until her moans finally subsided into whispers and she lay spent and quiet in my arms.

Why didn't you write or call me? The look of anguish on her face caused a lancing pain in my chest.

I kissed the palm of her hand before answering. Hearing anything from you would have made me come straight home.

What did you end up doing with all the gigolos you hired?

I shrugged. Had them wank off in front of me, do a striptease on the bedwhatever would have them think that I was a rich and harmless pervert.

Why?

Because it got people to leave me alone.

Did it make Maya leave you alone?

Lieutenant Ibuki's not a concern. How did you know where to find me?

There was a brief moment of silence before she spoke.

Kaji told me. He told me he ran into you here during one of his assignments.

You saw Kaji? I marveled at how neutral my voice sounded.

We...chatted briefly two weeks ago. It was the first time I saw him since he left.

Any particular reason for the visit?

He said he could see the end of his search coming...He said that he'd be able to come home to me soon.

I waited for her to say more—waited for her to say that it didn't matter anymore whether Kaji came home or not. I couldn't bring myself to ask, and as the silence stretched, couldn't bear the uncertainty either.

So I made a decision then: a decision that broke the heart I was reputed not to have. As Misato drifted off to sleep, I stared at her profile in the semi-darkness, memorizing every single detail. Then when I could feel the sun beginning to rise, I kissed her tenderly on the lips, slipped out from underneath the covers, and left without a single word.

The world was not going to end again—not if it had Misato in it. My mother had made the ultimate sacrifice; I was about to make mine. Both of us had been scientists through and through, but we were women, above all, in the end.

Strange that after the world had ended, some legacies still endured.

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