Story: Matters of the Heart (all chapters)

Authors: DarkMistress

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Chapter 1

[Author's notes:

Yet another of my slow to build writings,  But let me know if you liked because if not ill probably ditch this one and just stick with my other two for now.

]

The cool spring breeze wafted through the air kissing my cheek like a long separated lover, the last remnants of winter and lost love, the summer that was to come, a burning reminder of my pain. She was beautiful, a porcelain skinned goddess whom I held higher than the gods of old, even they stars of foreign worlds would weep in shame at her presence or so I thought. Every night we would sit together behind the school and I would read her my poetry, she used to tell me "Shakespeare would weep at my words and beg for me to teach him". A true show of her arrogance, but like a fool I ignored such things because I thought I loved her. I shared my only true secret with her, I was a boy, a cross-dressing boy, an effeminate cross-dressing boy and she shamed for such things. I put the emphasis on was but that was a few months behind me, and still the pain hadn't left me I often wondered if she would recognize me, would she accept me now that I was a girl. Such notions were childish but even at 18 I am still but a child in the eyes of the world. Still I was only myself and had only myself, at least that was the way it felt.

 

           I wasn't a strong person, I was very weak at least in matters of the heart, often I found myself breaking down over simple things. I had no interest in sports, no ambitions of worldly greatness; I like romance and loved poetry. I was always bullied for it when I was younger, I was called things like fag, girly-boy, princess, it didn't matter names were just names to me or so I thought. After a while I began to realize I had no common ground with males, all my friends were sweet and innocent geek girls. I came to an epiphany I was really a girl trapped in a boy's body, it wasn't shortly after that I became a cross-dresser. Thankfully it fit me well with my small size and rather androgynous body; I could easily appear to be female even though I was male. It just seemed more natural of course it did make life fairly complicated at certain times, dressing down was certainly one of them, so I changed in the bathroom before hand to avoid any real suspicions. It was a little stressful I was glad I wouldn't have to do any thing like that again now that I was no longer in school. I was free and I was myself finally, it didn't matter whether or not anybody understood it wasn't about them it was about me. Let family be damned, at least my sister supported me, even still that was not enough to fill in the barren hole in my heart. Even three months later the pain managed to resurface on this particular day, the day I happened to reveal my secret to her. I sat under the side of a tall pine the wind rushing by me, a sullen single tear dropping from my cheek landing with a thud that reverberated like a thunder storm in my mind. Such a thing was pointless and that tear that had fallen stemmed what could have been a tidal wave with a wall of realization, who was I to wallow and drowned in waves of self pity. I picked my self up from the trunk of despair forcing one step after another in any direction away from that damned tree. It wasn't long and I found my self once again sitting in a rather solemn and quiet place, I liked such places they offered solitude and privacy. 

 

Flipping open my laptop which I had pulled from my red and black messenger bag, the screen read "Hello Rei", "hello Shinigami" I typed back to my computer, my own little ingenious version of computer security.  I took a moment to stare at myself in the computer background, was that short girl dressed in a black cat-eared hoodie, a knee length black skirt and, combat boots really me I wondered for a moment. I realized something a little stupid and silly, I was cute, with my long black hair and small rectangle framed reading glasses. It brought a sort of somber happiness to my heart but I couldn't stand to be alone for too much longer.

 

[End notes: Alittle Work in progress for a friend, I hope you like it even if you don't know it was for you he he. Also give me your thoughts, it seems very few actually comment on what they read. Following chapters pending my possible strangulation at the hands of my lover. Jk!]

Chapter 2

[Author's notes: Hope some one like this, please some one write a review!]

"Good Morning Rei" my computer's Alarm kicked on, it mattered little I was already up before the sun rose and my alarm was set for six. I had spent the last hour staring at it's blank black visage waiting for the alarm for no real reason in particular. I oppened my mail checking for anything new, all that was there were a group of "do not reply" emails from various sites I had joined. Nothing was new it was the same old rut, I got up before the sun, checked my mail, ate a cold breakfast of leftovers went on a walk then came home and started up my job. This monotony had to come to an end or it would be the end of me.

I Left as usual after a breakfast of pizza, seemed that was what my sister had ordered for dinner last night. I don't see why she never asked me to cook, but she always said "let me take care of you little sis". Was my pain so obvious? I sat on a bench resting, halfway through my two mile walk, my face was glued to my computer screen as my eyes dashed through lines of binary coding I had been working on for a friend just some basic eight bit coding. Something basic and obnoxious, and absolutely nessecary unfortunately boring, I had to keep readjusting my my glasses as they slipped down my nose. My bright emerald green eyes blazed a path of destruction fiding and solving errors until all that was left was a blinding headach in my fore head.

I fell back against the bench my head tilting up, I froze when I probably should have jumped out of my skin. There was a person staring down into my face, her eyes were of a blue-gray shade that seemed deep and somber. The exact opposite of her face which reflected some one of a happy nature with her cheshire cat like grin, her skin was slightly tan with a hint of cream even so, I could see a few light freckles so light I wouldn't have seen them if she were just an inch or more back. I couldn't move away all I could do was stare back into those deep eyes, "What's wrong with her, what's wrong with me, why can't I move" I thought. I started to quiver and tried to speak and only managed to mouth the words hello, no sound ever left my lips.

I wished I knew what such a strange girl was thinking invading my privacy like this, reading over my shoulder, making me into a nervous wreck. Wait nervous, some how my mind slipped back to the last time I ffelt this particular type of wracking nervousness, "Was it when I had first slipped that note into her locker, or when she had first said hello and took my breath away" I thought. "No it can't be not again, I won't allow that to happen twice" I ran with out saying a word, I tripped several times but I kept running. I didn't know why I was running or where I was fleeing to. I stopped, I couldn't run any more, I felt like my heart was once again in that gripping vice and I was dying inside once again. The ground rushed up to meet me for the last time, and tears welled up in my eyes, and from some place deep inside another emotion arose anger. I was angry, truly angry at myself, I hadn't been angry really in the past it felt strange.

I was angry at my self wasn't that wrong to hate your self, only I didn't realize it at the time. I didn't hate my self I was simply angry at myself for being so stupid, I ran from a beautiful girl, I left my computer bag behind. What could I possibly do with out my computer, it was my life literaly, it was how I made my money, it was my only real friend, Shinigami. Was that so strange, it was a thing but it was a thing that I had made with my own hands like poetry it was special. I picked myself up from the ground, I must have been rather ragged looking, I had torn a little of my skirt and lost a few studs, much less my braid had fallen apart.

It didn't compare to what I had discovered, my bag and laptop were gone, and a note was tacked to the bench, "Sorry for scaring you, I picked it up because I didn't want any one to steal it, from Jubei" the note read. "What the hell was that I" wondered as I dragged my self home, note clenched in hand.

I walked head first into the door of my sister's and my home, one more thing to go wrong I thought as I rubbed my fore head, my sister Amy must have thought some one was knocking on the door because she anwsered it. Amy pulled my into her arms, "O my god, what happened to you baby doll" she asked holding me tightly. I thought how I must have looked, blood shot eyes, crooked glasses, a tear streaked face, it probably looked like the worst day I had ever had, even growing I rarely managed to scrape a knee. "Nothing happened I am fine" I said brushing her off of me, all I really wanted was to be alone.

As I headed upstairs I heard my sister calling after me, something about dinner and that there was a guest in my room, did I seriously hear her correctly. What could have happened, I didn't expect it to be that strange blue-gray eyed girl, and Amy knew I didn't have any friends which saddened her to no ends.

I rushed the last six or so steps, my boots reverbrated through the house who ever it was would know I was coming, even so I burst into my roomm I couldn't stand any one else violating my most private sanctuary. Immeadiatley after I busted in I busted out slamming the door shut, I peeked back inside slowly only to slam the door once more. Every time I looked those mysterious eyes were peering at me no into me, it was as if she was looking into my soul. "Was this her own little way of mocking me" I wondered my back pressed to the door, I felt hot really hot "am I blushing" I raised my hand to my cheeks they felt warmer than normal.

I regained my compusure, it was laughable really, she was in my room where I should feel the most secure and here I was slumping against the door hiding from her. I thought back to the park, she really was adorable, her tight odly curved lips, high cheek bones, those almond shaped blue-gray eyes, those strange freckles that you had to be up close to see. "What was her hair like, ah yes green she had lovely apple green pigtails," I thought my hand firmly pressed onto the door knob. I could easily tell she wasn't normal any one could, no single normal person behaved in such an odd carefree manner.

My mind was made up I was going in, I oppened it once more stepping in staring at her a little too much, I froze one inside her chery voice must have been some strange ice ray or something. "Hello Rei" that was all she said, it was in a meek voice, but even still I was stopped dead in my tracks. "Uh..um..hi Jubei" I said in a broken voice, even I couldn't stop my nervousness but such things were beyond a weak girl like me. "You frightened me back there running like that" Jubei said to me, who could she sit there so nonchalantly as if the events of this morning never happened. And all I could manage to say was "yeah, sorry", "what was wrong with this picture the girl practicaly ambushes me , takes my stuff then invades my room, who did she was" I thought to my self. Inside I was fuming, raging and all I could manage was this weak appearance.

"I wanted to appologize, about what happened earlier, what you were dooing loked so interesting, and I couldn't help myselt you looked cute half bent over your computer screen" Jubei chuckled lightly bringing a hand to the back of her head causing her to rock ever so slightly in her cross legged form. I was on the verge of melting, I was defenseless and she knew it, she walked over to me brushed her lips to mine gently and patted my but in a wierd form of a low five. I was so shocked that i had no clue what the hell I was doing or what she had just done, she managed to leave me there stooping on my knees shaking in apprehension, fear and wanting. A wanting I hadn't felt since way back then, had it been so long, suddenly it felt like years ago instead of month and I was scared.

[End notes: A fateful meeting?What is with the strange green haired Jubei, you will just have to read to find out. MUHahahahaha!!!]

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