Well, that was awkward.
I’m sitting right now in my couch, thinking about what just happened. Alice and mom met and while it wasn’t unpleasant, mom sure knows how to intimidate people. Alice was becoming one with the sofa while I explained mom that Alice was my best friend and Blue’s girlfriend. And when that came to mom’s ears that’s when the staring contest began… Well, if mom staring at Alice while Alice was looking everywhere else can be classified as staring contest, anyway.
After a while chatting, I walked Alice to her house and came back only to have mom’s cooking waiting for me at the table and Blue sitting in front of the TV with mom. Now mom’s cooking was my favorite food after granny’s cooking, but I wasn’t that hungry after all the stress of mom’s meeting with Alice, so I just put my plate in the fridge and sat down with mom and Blue.
“So where’s pops?” I try to start a conversation that hopefully won’t have any Alice on it.
“Your father’s in Louisiana for a business trip and I missed you guys so much I came over!”
“What about granny?” Blue asks almost uninterested.
“Oh she stayed with your Uncle, said it was time she spends her free days with her other grandsons”
“Well, we’re her favorite ones after all” I say grinning. Well, it was a fact, I AM her favorite.
“So, Blue, I’ve met your girlfriend” aaaaaaaaaand there we go.
“Alice was here?” He looks at me with a tiny frown. Oh, he’s adorable when he’s confused… Not.
“Well, yeah we were studying for math… She’s having trouble with the new topics....”
“Oh so she has trouble with school?”
“No! She does very well in other subjects.” I interject before she starts with the weird assumptions. “It’s just math, everyone has a problem with it.”
“Oh, I see. So she’s bright?”
“She’s intelligent, yeah” Blue says.
“You should start some study sessions with her, Blue! After all she’s your girlfriend, and she should be willing to help”
“Well, lately we don’t have a lot of time to hang out, with the practices and tutoring…”
“But she was here watching TV with your sister! I’m sure you could find some time, you’re going low in history and chemistry, and I’m just worried about your grades…”
So I stop listening here because talking about school is just really uncomfortable for me. I just want to know what mom thinks about Alice. But then again, that should be Blue’s issue, right?
~~~~~
Ever since my mom’s visit Alice had stopped being herself. She started avoiding me and putting up silly excuses whenever I want to hang out or go out with her. Of course I’m saddened by this! She started hanging out with Blue again and had left me lonely.
I don’t know why I keep getting sad about this. Well, sure I have feelings for her, and I miss my best friend also, but I knew all along that she was dating HIM not ME, plus it’s not like I need them or anything! I’ve got my silly loser friends! And while they would never avoid me or say no to me, I think Keira has been feeling down that I rather hang out with Alice instead of her.
“So why are you down again?” We were in Keira’s house and she has been asking me this all along since Alice stopped being Alice and went being an avoiding bitch. Did I just think that?
“I’m not down Keira! I’m perfectly fine!”
“Then why are you fighting with Miss Alice in Redland?”
“What? I’m not in a fight with her, she’s just… done having doubts about math.” I frown sadly, if that’s even possible.
“Then why are you frowning?” she says smirking.
“It’s involuntary” I pathetically excuse my frowning again. “Wait what did you call her?”
She giggles and sits down beside me.
“You know, from the overprotecting bitch you were to your trophy brother you went to a softy! And you stopped hanging out with him, too. If I didn’t know you best, I would think she’s more than just your friend.”
My eyes widen at that, and I spill the carrot juice I’ve been drinking… from my nose.
“You know you make weird assumptions”
“Oh! Come on! I’ve noticed the way you look at her! The way she looks at you! And the way you guys TOUCH each other when you think no one’s looking” Geez did somebody gave her freaking observational powers?
“I don’t look at her! She’s a bitch!”
“Oh! What a surprise, miss Red Biermann is in denial even after I’ve discovered her little secret!”
“You haven’t discovered anything” I scream accusingly pointing a finger at her.
“Well you’re calling her a bitch and you said there was nothing wrong with her at the beginning”
“…"
“Keira 1 – Red 0” She says smirking.
“ARGH! Why do you have to be right at fucking everything?!”
“Well, I don’t fuck everything” She just giggles and hugs me, at this I try not to freak out and successfully I just shrug a little and return her hug.
“I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but I can tell you’re suffering because of it.
I’m sorry for you, Red.” She says seriously and I can’t help but feel moved.
“Well, I want to… talk about it.” I say looking at her eyes, trying to projecting all my loneliness and need.
“Of course, what are friends for?” She says smiling.
I told her everything, every fucking thing. And she listened with a neutral face, occasionally nodding when I asked her if she understood or whatever. I feel so ashamed of myself, like I’ve never been. I feel guilt hovering all over me. I finally see all of the things I’ve done are wrong in every single fucking way. And she’s not even telling me anything. Until I’m done that is.
“Red, I think it’s wonderful that you feel like this for somebody. But I think it’s awful, what you’re doing to your brother. It’s wrong. I’m saying that you do whatever you want to, but she’s still your brother’s girlfriend. And even if they eventually broke up, it’s not that simple for you to be with her either.”
“Yeah, I’m so ashamed, Keira. But I can’t help it! Every time she comes around I just lose it all and my brain just shuts down… and all I can think about is her. You get it? It just feels right. And even when she’s gone I don’t regret anything!” I pull on my hair all stressed out and confused. She grasps my hands and pulls me in for an embrace again, but this time I just start sobbing into her neck while she pats my head.
“Hey, this shit is never easy, but in the end everything will work out. Even if it takes some time, I’m sure you can figure this out.”
“Thanks pal” I say grinning with some tears in my eyes.
~~~~~
The next day I was determined on fixing things with Alice. I don\'t care for a conclusion I just HAVE to confess my feelings about her, and Blue, and everything else.
So I\'m just going straight to her house because it was a Saturday.
I knock on her door and her father opens up to me. He is a rather short man with tanned skin and really thick brows. Now, I know little about her family, but one thing I know is that she doesn\'t get along with her parents really much, especially him (something about him being an asshole), and he doesn\'t look like her... at all.
"Hello Mr Giullachi! I mean Giulliacci" I\'m kind of nervous because I\'ve never met her dad and he\'s looking at me like suspiciously.
And then he talked. I don\'t understand a single thing because he\'s just mumbling things. If I didn\'t have any reason to be nervous, now I have one.
"Dad! Stop it, she\'s my friend" I spot Alice in the kitchen with a tank top and bottom pajamas.
"Um... Alright!" he yells at Alice and then turns to me with a neutral face "You can come in" and he steps aside to let me pass. He closed the door after I come in and then retires to his room mumbling something like "that skank" and "early". I really don\'t appreciate that man now. He\'s a twat.
“Hey Reddie” She says almost smiling “Sorry about my dad, he’s just grumpy in the morning, aside from being a total jerk...”
"Hey, um... I guess you guys just aren’t early risers.” I say grinning to her. But all I could see in her face was a really small smile. "I kinda have to talk to you" I say erasing the grin out of my face.
"Red, can this um, wait?" She says not looking at me in the eyes.
"No, I\'m afraid it cannot"
“Okay, then follow me...”
The house was small, one floor, therefore there was only about a room or two. She takes my hand and leads us to some kind of messy den, but it has doors and it conserves its privacy. I take a close look at the room and see some kind of a futon rolled up in a corner; in the couch there were comforters and two pillows, and there were some clean clothes piled up on a small table. She sleeps here. This is her room! Oh if I wasn’t going to break it up with her I would ask her to move in with me. Then again that might not be a great Idea... I could be charged for kidnapping, right?
She looks at me finally with regret all over her face and I\'m trying hard to remain neutral and indifferent, I can\'t help it! Her father called me a skank and she\'s been avoiding me all this time!
"I\'m sorry I\'m avoiding you, Red" She says looking down to her tiny feet. "But, it\'s just painful to be around you..."
"What is that about, Alice? Is it guilt? Or revenge?" I say looking at her coldly "Why are you still with Blue if he cheated on you, and you-" I sigh "And we cheated at him, too."
"I don\'t!" Alice starts but shuts up for a moment. "Red, I\'m... I’m in love with Blue."
"I know" I say trying to be softer now "I\'ve noticed things, Alice. Look, I know that you love me too!" I get close to her and grab her chin to make her look at me in the eyes "I don\'t know how much, but if it\'s painful to be around me, then that is because you love me"
"It\'s not that, Red! It\'s just that you\'re my friend, and..."
"I’m just your friend, then?" I cut her off coldly and rudely. "I can deal with that" and the ire I had been building up just fires to my face and ears. It\'s because of my anger management problem, I\'m sure of it.
And now: Sarcasm. "Well, bestie" I say way too sweet for her to not notice my anger "Let’s hang out! Why don\'t we go shopping, to the mall and see if there\'s some cute guys out the... oh wait! You already have a boyfriend, no?" I say grinning sweetly and the look in her eyes is of pure hurt. "A really sexy and beautiful boy who loves you as much as you do... And has a DICK! So nobody can judge you or look down on you! I\'m sorry hun’, but it seems like I’m going to have to go without you” I turn to leave but she grabs my wrist.
"Please, Reddie." she looks at the floor intently while grabbing my arm with all her strength. "I\'m sorry. I admit it... I love you as much as you do, but please, understand that..."
"That I\'m the plaything..." I say softly but still somehow roughly. "I know this is my fault too, Alice. I know that since the beginning I was asking for this bullshit! I knew this was going to happen one day" I say almost whispering "but I don\'t have the will to stay away from you, or touch you, or kiss you..."
I look at her in the eyes once again, and I try to stay calm, and it was really killing me because my mood was really violent.
"I\'m in love with you Alice, with you at my side, I don\'t feel lonely anymore. I just want to keep you for me and for me alone. You don\'t know the things you do to me, the things you make me feel." I grab both of her hands and lean towards her. "I\'ve never felt this way before, well I have, but it wasn\'t this intense, this... this need for somebody else. No one else before was perfect to me, except for you, Alice." I kiss her forehead and finally let some tears fall of my eyes. "And it hurts me greatly that even though I get the chance to hold you and kiss you, you\'re still his." softly, I lifted her chin to meet her eyes and they were full of tears, too. "I\'m sorry, but I was never one to share things with my brother" I smile a sad smile. "That\'s why I think we should stop this... whatever it is, affair or I don\'t know.... before it is too late."
"I don\'t want you to leave me alone" She says truthfully.
"I won\'t, I promise. But I need some time alone to get through this..." Suddenly I don\'t have the time to finish my sentence because she\'s pressing her lips to mine. My mind went blank and I find myself responding the kiss even though I know I shouldn\'t.
She pushes me down onto the sofa and straddles my waist with her legs. I feel so weak and stupid but I really can’t fight it back. I want this so much... I need this. I felt so lonely all these days, even though they were few.
My fingers travel along all her body, messing her hair, caressing her thighs, touching her breasts while she kisses my neck and leaves red marks wherever her mouth wishes to and returns to my mouth. I snake my arms around her back and pull her to myself, pressing our bodies together and making us moan.
"Ehem" I hear a slight cough and break the kiss to stare at Alice\'s mom.
"Crap, mom\'s here right" She whispers to me into my lips.
"Umm, yeah"
Alice’s mom is a tiny lady as well; she’s barely in her thirties. She has white skin and curly hazelnut hair that reaches to her shoulders. I know that she’s a slacker. She doesn’t work nor do any house chores, she just sits all day long on her sofa, reading magazines and scolding Alice for whatever reason she can think of. Alice has told me before that she’s good with her sometimes, but that most of the time she’s envious of Alice’s youth, having wasting hers. She has wrinkles in her front, maybe she frowned too much when she was younger. I really need to stop frowning.
"So, a friend of Alice\'s..." She says sarcastically with an annoying as hell voice. "Visit time is over, and you" she says pointing at me "Out of my house, now" She says menacingly and I can\'t help but to feel upset with her.
"I certainly will, ma\'am" I say coldly to her, like taunting her. "I will see you some other time, Alice" I got close to her and whisper in her ear "This can\'t happen again, I\'m sorry Alice... And I’m sorry for getting you into trouble" and I kiss her forehead for more than 10 seconds, looking straight to her mother\'s stare. "Goodbye, dear" I stare at Alice’s mom rebelliously, raising an eyebrow to her mother, taunting her again.
“You know, there’s something so exaggerated in this house, and it’s how poorly you treat your wonderful daughter... I may not be a social worker, or a mother, but your daughter deserves a room in this house, a place to sleep and keep her clothes. I don’t know about your economic problems, nor is it my business, I know. But for what I can see, you’re not poor, and if you are and if I were you, I would work my ass off to get her a nice home.”
“How dare you talk to me like that and say those things to me, you little bitch? You don’t know anything at all! You have no respect...”
“I have respect for the people that deserve it!” I glare at her with all my might and could tell that she is intimidated by me. “And for the people that respect me back!”
I storm my way out of the house while careful to not break or touch anything.
“Well, what a good impression I have made!”
As soon as I\'m out of her porch, tears start to fall down my cheeks.