“I’m moving out...”
I had a talk with Blue yesterday in a gas station, then the talk moved to our house. I barely explained to him what I wanted to do, but I explained to him “Why” I wanted to move out. He still doesn’t fully understand how he and Alice broke my heart, because he doesn’t know that Alice loves me back. Or at least I think she does, anyway.
I have already planned what I’m going to do, and it took amazingly just one week and a half for me to prepare myself to move out. Of course, Mom was against it, but father approved. They got into an argument and then they gave me the green light! I said goodbye to my friends and that I will be back soon, and Freddie offered me to take me to my relative’s city. Blue isn’t talking to me much, but that gave me time to think about our relationship.
Blue, he was my very reason to wake up every morning (or so I thought). Blue was my best friend of them all, my sidekick, my teacher and student. As weird as it sounds we had our first kiss together (when we were babies), and he’s like one of my limbs. I don’t know how I’ll be coping without him, but then again I reflect about these last days.
I’ve met Alice since summer school, 9 months ago, and they’d started dating like 7 months or 8 months ago... I’ve been in love with her since 6 months ago, I’ve been fooling around with her since those 6 months until one and a half -almost two- months ago, and I’ve been heartbroken since the day I went to her house (like two months ago). And not one day of all those months I’d given a second thought to Blue. I love him, I adore him, yet I hurt him deeply due to my own selfishness. And in those months Blue hadn’t acknowledge me at all! We stopped hanging out; we stopped talking much, because both gained a best friend and a lover at the same time; something that we both couldn’t fulfill entirely. He started acting distant, and like a jerk, and I was being a whore with his girlfriend. It’s obvious we were ashamed all the time! We had damaged this relationship so much... I think it is a correct decision that we clear our heads for a few months.
I haven’t even seen Alice since the day that Freddie and I broke up, but I’m thankful, because I wake up in the mornings feeling all dry and it’s because of her, because I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and my rejection, and how much I wish I could regret it all, and go back to her arms, and make her break up with Blue, and be together forever! But things are different. My mother would never approve I dated a girl, neither will daddy do that, and I love them too much, I would be so bitter if they were to leave me alone. And then there’s guilt, I wouldn’t take completely away the girl Blue wants. I couldn’t finish the job.
So here I am, in Fred’s ride, just watching the road go by. I will move into a big city, so I am a little excited and distracted of everything.
“Change the song, Red.” He says signaling a small mp3 player.
“Okay, let’s see what you got here, big boy!” Everlong by foo fighters starts playing “Gee, Everlong” I say staring at him.
“What?”
“So you like alternative rock?”
“Some of it, just the popular stuff though.”
“Shame, alternative and grunge are my favorite genres.”
“Really? I took you as a metal head.”
“Oh I am a metal head, too... But I’m a Maynard maniac.”
“Really? Wow... So, who’s that?”
“What?! You’re kiddin’ right?”
“Whatever, just listen to the song, alright?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
That is about the only thing we talk. We stay in silence for the rest of the trip until we’re welcomed with high speed ways and huge buildings.
“We’re here” I couldn’t wipe the grin out of my face.
“It’s cool in here isn’t it?”
I just nod and stare in wonder, the view was amazing. But the excitement soon dies out. No offense to Fred but... I wish I could share this with Alice.
Stop...
I will not think about Alice.I will not spare her a single romantic thought, I’m here to focus on my grades, and have some fun at the same time and to rest from my problems.
“Yeah, it is” I’m down but I won’t show it.
“So, what you wanna do first?”
“Well! Let’s get you installed with your uncles and then we hit the mall, alright?”
“Okay, buddy” I’m starting with my “Alice” rehab.
Two months later
I’m in the end of my junior year, and I can say everything is just a little better. I haven’t seen Alice in these months, not heard about her, nothing. And I just talked to Blue like two or three times these two months, but Freddie’s been here four times. For the first month and a half I’ve been sulking around, depressed and negative. I cried myself to sleep every night and I longed for Alice when I’m awake. I can’t believe how someone could affect me in such a way. I even got drunk like 3 times. But I stopped the sulking to concentrate my final projects in school, and pass the exams, and I did it absolutely fine. I’ve made new friends: David, he’s a nerd, and Jessica, who is a nerd too. I like them because it’s fun to corrupt them. I took them to a hard rock and a crab core concerts. I also got them drunk! It’s really hilarious! Plus, it’s not like they say no anyways, they’d always wanted to become “cool” clichés.
My two uncles are brothers of my father. James—who is 28—and Horace—who is 24, they’re not married but they’re young anyway, and Uncle James has a pretty girlfriend. They work in an office, and they party on weekends; and they have talked with me about my problems. I only insinuate my situation, though; I’m still not comfortable enough to talk about this with relatives. They’ve been good to me and I’ll be sure to repay them one day. Yes, I’m leaving now, I’m heading back. I’ve been thinking about my situation this week. I changed my mind completely. In these past few months Uncle James made me realize that I shouldn’t run away from the one I love, not mattering who it is; and that I couldn’t just sacrifice my happiness for my family. I decided to act on myself again. I’m in love with her. I’ll fight for her, and even if I don’t get my brother back, I will still have no regrets.
“Hello beautiful!” Fred has come to get me out of this monstrous and lovely city. He kisses me in the cheek and puts an arm around me. “You’re ready to go?”
“Yeah, just let me say good bye to my uncles.”
“Alright, I’ll be here” he turns away to wait for me by the car.
I turn to look at my two uncles as they embraced me tightly.“Hey that gentleman over there, he’s quite fine for you, gal” Uncle James says.
“Oh!” I say blushing “He’s a friend! Only a friend... Anyways, thank you for taking care of me.”
“Take care, babe” Uncle Horace says “Don’t worry about Bluey! I’m sure he’s back to normal now.”
Well, the one who should be back to normal is me, but I’m not going to tell him that...
“I know...” I turn to look at Uncle James “I’ll miss you guys! Maybe I’ll be around here for college!” I threaten them.
“Hey, it’ll be cool, right? Blue can come, too, precious!” I kiss both their cheeks and turn to leave with Fred.
~~~~~
I arrive home with Fred and he helps me with my luggage.“You sure you’ll be fine on your own?”
“I’m not on my own; I’ll be here with Blue”
“What’s the difference?” he still can’t forgive Blue for hitting me.
“Oh, c’mon big man! I will be fine ‘on my own’” I say grinning “I love you Freddie, you’re a great friend.”
“I know... Well, good bye then. See you tomorrow”
“See you!”
I grab my keys and unlock the door to my house.“It definitely looks messy in here.” The house was a complete mess! Well, the cleaning staff only works on weekends and it was Friday, so it made some sense? Not really, the house was never that messy before “Seems like he really can’t live without me.”
I got my luggage to our room, and decided to put my clothes in a separate room; the one that was originally meant to be for me. I notice the house is empty, and that’s great because I can do some cleaning up.
After three hours of waiting, it has become dark. I don’t know what Blue’s schedule is anymore, but usually he’s here by this hour. Well, I think I’ll go to Keira’s so I can hang out with her a little bit.
“Red! It’s been so long! Two months without seeing us!!! What the hell were you thinking!?” As I arrived Keira’s house I was met with her, Kristine and Joe. They look like they were worried, or they have something going on that they don’t want to tell me.
“Well, yeah it’s not that easy to travel from town to town either. Anyway, Blue isn’t home so I came here to say hello and shit...” I say smiling. They still look worried “It’s something... Going on?”
They share a look to each other and Joe finally sighs “It’s about her, Red.” Joe looks at me with a frown.
I put on a sour face, and decide to just face it “Yeah, what about her?”
“She’s disappeared since yesterday. Well, I mean she didn’t go to sleep at her house; her mom went looking for her at school, says that she can’t find her anywhere. We were looking for her as well, but as it went dark we came here to take a rest.”
I’m dumbfounded, shocked. “What? Are you fucking serious?!”
“Yes” Kristine says “I think Blue’s still looking for her. They... broke up.”
I couldn’t believe this mess! They broke up?! She went missing?! Why this did had to happen just when I got back!
“Well, I don’t know what to say... I think I’ll go look for her as well” I say and hug my friends. “Thank you for telling me”
“We’re coming with you.” Joe says “It’s dark and you could use some company.” I can see his real concern behind what he said, he’s afraid I’ll do something stupid.
To their surprise I don’t object and we start to look for her at places she frequented. But wait, why didn’t Fred tell me anything about this? It’s like he didn’t even know. I guess he didn’t go to school, to go get me but still, there was something fishy about this.
“Guys let’s separate a bit, I’ll meet you at the park in an hour or so.” I say and leave to Fred’s house.
~~~~~
“Fred, what’s up?” I say greeting him on his doorway.
“Oh, what’s up Red? Why you here?” he says looking down at me. Well, he is taller after all.
“Oh well, I just found out that Alice is missing and my bro’s looking for her in the streets right now...” I say while looking at him and he’s nervous as shit! “Why didn’t you say anything?” I cut to the chase.
“Oh well, I didn’t know because...”
“Cut the crap Fredds, I know that you know something about this.”
“I really don’t” he says not looking at me in the eye but close to it, trying to hide the grimace but I can see it, he’s lying.“Fred, I can tell when a person’s lying to me... Are you going to cooperate? Or do I have to beat you up to get my info?”
“Red, I don’t know anythi...” Too late, I punched him in the face, and then the stomach and he drops to the ground.
“I say CUT THE CRAP!” and I kick him, but not so hard, because I don’t really want to hurt him, I just need my answers. Why? I don’t know I just want to find Alice to make sure she isn’t hurt and that I can talk to her.
“FUCK, RED! What the hell--?” I kick him again in his side and he growls “OKAY! OKAY I’ll tell you... She’s at my sister’s house.”
That makes so much sense, really...
“Why? What the fuck happened? Why with your sister?”
“Will you just let me explain without kicking my ass?!” he’s already mad but I got my answers! Well, half of them anyway.
“Okay, explain.” I say coldly.
“She was so broken; she started hanging out with me because she knew that I knew where you at.
At first she was so annoying, she would always ask me how were you and things like that. Then she was well, she was all smiles and going around with Blue, everywhere. Like the sweet couple she thought they were. This went on for about three weeks. But then, she started to sulk around the school, being depressed all the time.
Keira and Kristine took care of her because she was a mess. Blue didn’t know what to do with her and their thing, so he just tried to help her, the best he could. But it wasn’t enough, Alice is a stubborn one. Eventually, they broke up on Tuesday; Blue did it because she told him that you lied... She told him the truth, that she was in love with you, and that you didn’t take advantage of her, but it was mutual.
Of course, Blue was livid with himself and with her, and with you, so they broke up and she got even more depressed.” He makes a small pause and sighs “She told me on Wednesday that she just wanted to disappear, as she was troubled with this, and her mother found out about her breaking up with Blue, and there was drama in her house. I feared for the worst, so I told her my sister has a house, but she doesn’t uses it as much because she has an apartment close to her work where she stays on weekdays. So I gave her the key and she’s been there since then.”
“Have you seen her?” I ask out of my shock, I can’t believe this.
“Yesterday, but she’s still a mess. I told her that you would come today, but it was like she was in a trance, she just nodded sadly and went on lazing around the house.”
“That’s never a good sign, Fredds” I say seriously “You can’t leave a person like that, well, just like that! She needs to be supervised” I say getting up. “As I see it she needs some help, even if it’s not professional.”
“I don’t think it’s wise that you go to her.” He says standing up.
“Sorry, but I think that me going is just ideal.” I say getting out of the house.
“RED, WAIT!”
“What?” I say annoyed.
“You don’t even know the address.”
. . .
“Oh...” I blush.
“Let me take you there.” He says grinning.
~~~~~
So we arrive to Fred’s sister’s house. As I get in with the spare key I notice that this house isn’t that messy. I walk silently inside the house, as my heart beats so loudly. I’m finally seeing her again, even though I don’t want my heart to get excited, I know I can’t deny it. This is what I really am, who I really am. I am a person in love, and even though I didn’t want to have anything to do with Alice before, I can’t deny her when she’s in trouble, I do want to have everything to do with her.
I walk down to a room and realize that there’s somebody inside. As I got in, my heart breaks at what I see. It seems like these two months hurt her badly, there is a bottle of alcohol in the floor. The sheets are messy and it smells like vomit in here. There she was, lying in the floor. She has horrible bags under her eyes and she’s stripped down to her panties and a large shirt. She was awake, crying, in some kind of a trance, she looks like she’s been crying for days, and she has black bruises on her skin.
This is wrong. What did I do? Why did I leave her? Well, I didn’t know I was going to affect her like this. Yeah, I got drunk and I cried while staying with my uncles, but this is a whole different level. I could understand because she broke up with my bro, and with her family, as well.
I have tears in my eyes as I lay down in the floor beside her. I grab her chin and pull her face towards me. She looks like she’s seen a ghost. Like she didn’t actually believe that I was coming here.
“I’m sorry.” I start “I’m sorry that I hurt you, precious.” I look at her eyes and she looks like she’s going to cry again. “I don’t even feel right apologizing, cause’ I know this is my entire fault. I don’t want you to think I’m a fake.” She’s still dumbfounded and I took advantage to talk more. “I’m sorry for trying to escape; I realize I can’t and that I don’t care anymore about anything. I want you to take me back.” I say truthfully. “If you don’t want to take me back, it’s fine. But I won’t give up on you, not as a lover, and never as a friend. You’re stuck with me until you go to the extreme and get a restriction order” she chuckles a bit and I get my hopes up “and maybe not even then.” I touch her nose with my finger tips and then her soft cheeks. “I’m in love with you, Alice. And not even my bond with Blue could break that love. It’s damaged now, yes. But it’s not broken. Not inside of me. And I want to repair it the best I can. I want to mend you and make it up for you.”
Just like that, my conflicts vanished into thin air. After all, I can’t escape who I love.
I kiss the top of her nose as she closes her eyes.
“I... I smell like vomit” She finally says in a raspy voice.
“I still love you, babe.” I kiss her lips softly and snake my arms on her hips. She whimpers because of the bruises but she sighs and let some tears fall from her eyes.
“We are some pair of abused and bruised bitches.” I say and she laughs and smiles.
“I can’t forgive you.” She says seriously.
“I don’t expect you to” I say sadly “but I want you to give me the chance to make it up to you.”
“I don’t have anywhere to go, either.”
“Its fine, you can stay here for a while until I prepare my house.” At this she darkens.
“No, I don’t want to live where Blue does.”
“Oh, that’s right.” I forgot about Blue. “Well, we’ll think of something, together, yes?” I ask her.She stares at me and hugs me tightly.
“You promise me? That you’ll never leave me? Not even if I run out of love, or if you do? Even if we’re only friends?”
“Yes I do. I’ll never leave you again.” I say holding her back while rubbing her hair and comb it with my fingers.
“I have to tell Blue and the other’s that I found you, though. They must be worried.” I say as I got up but I feel her hand holding me back.
“Don’t...”
“I won’t go. I’ll call them from the living room.”
“Okay.” I get her up and lay her down on the mattress and exit to the living room where Fred is waiting for me.
“I’ll stay the night.” He was about to talk but I cut him off “No objections. It’s my final decision.” I say looking to his eyes to make sure he knows it’s not something he can argue about. “Please, can you tell Joe, Keira and Kristine that I found her and that we’re fine and I’m taking care of her? They’re at the park close from Keira’s house.”
He sighs and just nods.“I love you Fred, thank you for being you.” I say happily and kiss him on the front.
“Yeah, well I had to take a beating first” He says grinning. “Love you too, girl. See you.”
I blush and wave at him as he exits the door. There’s only one thing left for me to do.
I dial my house and my dear brother answers the phone.
“Who’s this?” He seems nervous and tired.
“It’s me Blue” I say calmly “She’s fine.”
There’s a moment of silence and then “You’re with her?”
“Yes...”
“I see.” I can tell he’s angry.
“Well, aren’t you going to bring her along?”
“I can’t. She doesn’t want to see you.”
“Of course not, she has YOU there...”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow” I say as I hang up. I really didn’t want to hurt my brother but, I know now my priority. It’s always been her.