Story: When A Bully Cries (chapter 4)

Authors: coures

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Chapter 4

Title: Chapter 3

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Chapter 3

 

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What do you do when a long time bully who tortures you, insults you, and sexually harass you from the time you met at seven years of age till your eighteenth year cries in front of you?

 

Answer:

 

I still have no idea what so ever.

 

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I didn't know what was happening to me really. I would always do my routine when going through my every day life thinking of nothing. I usually just think of nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I never considered anything, whether it was objects or people, to be much of an importance to think about. Except if they interests me enough, but not this much. I really didn't get it.

 

I didn't space out as much as I used to think of nothing. Now I space out thinking of something else. A person to be exact. I never thought that I could ever be in a situation like this. I didn't think anyone could even make me think about them in my head. How did this ever happen?

 

From the back of my mind I know what had happened. How could such a thing happen to me anyway? I didn't even notice it happening and I can't even begin to think of what others would feel about it so the only thing that I did was put it on the back of my head for a while.

 

I was fine with thinking of nothing, doing my normal routine like last week. I'd wake up from bed with my mom calling me to have breakfast. Even if it was a weekend she would wake me up to have breakfast. That really irritates me. It was like not having breakfast was lethal or something. She would talk to me like she always does and I would respond with monosyllabic words. That doesn't bother her much because she just keeps talking. I would take a shower after I get breakfast and brush my teeth. I wore panties back then until I was about twelve when I found out that I was more comfortable with wearing boxer shorts. Someone lent them to me at that time but let's get to that later. After that I would get dressed with my usual attire of a t-shirt and long pants that's actually two inches past my feet. Even with that I really like them long because I get to fold that part of the pants I don't know why, but I kind of like that style where they are seen folded at my feet.

 

The school wasn't that far so I would walk to school with my almost empty knapsack thinking of nothing. I would go through the school gates and look at the ground not taking in the sight of school kids running around doing their own business. I arrived at my classroom and would sit at the back and try to fall asleep. At lunch I would try to eat something other than anything sweet. I like my sweets fine but don't eat them much.

 

The school bell would soon ring after a while alerting us to go to our classrooms again. Again I would go to the back of the class and try not to sleep. After classes all the students go home still hyperactive. Not me though, I was still sleepy. Once in a while I would go to the park first before going home. Sometimes I could walk for blocks and not really notice where I was.

 

At home I would wait for dinner at my bed staring at the ceiling. Dinner was a little quieter because mother would be home tired from work. She didn't have much more energy like in the morning. She still talks, but not as much as earlier today.

 

Mother washed the dishes and I would help her by wiping them dry. I never helped her when it comes to other chores. She doesn't complain when I don't anyway and that's fine with me.

 

When it was time for bed, we'd separate to our own rooms. I'd take a shower, change into my large t-shirt and pajama bottoms, then I'd hug my pillow to sleep. If I didn't have something to hug, I won't be able to sleep.

 

I hate it when I was with somebody, but I seem to hate it when I was alone at night too. I always had a night light with me when I go to sleep. I still have and I never sleep without it having a substitute. I was scared of the dark. It showed when there was a blackout and I was left in my room nearly hyperventilating and bathed in cold sweat. That made my mother worried and I didn't want for her to worry that much. I tried to hide it and I hid it well. Another night and a blackout came again. My mother came to check up on me again. There was no more hyperventilating anymore and I assured her that I was alright. Even though I was screaming inside and still bathed in cold sweat, I kept a calm face. She didn't seem to notice at all, but I suspected that she was still a little worried.

 

I know why I was scared. At night, when nobody else was there, the dark was the only thing that can make a person want to have somebody to be with. It was the only thing that can make me realize that 'I' was alone. Most of all it was the only thing that can make a person realize that being alone was not something you'd ever want. I wanted that, but how could I when it was the one thing that I was most afraid of. Maybe that's why I don't want anybody too close to me.

 

I don't know if I could ever grow out of these fears of mine or if I could even be released from them.

 

I don't know anyone who could even relieve me from it.

 

But I found out that someone will.

 

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My life wasn't quite the same.

 

I no longer think of nothing when I walk to school. I no longer sleep in class. And most of all I no longer see everyone as a stranger. Now I see one person and classify everyone else as a stranger.

 

I was with my thoughts today and not attentive enough to notice that something was going in front of the classroom. The only thing I noticed was Kathy talking about something with her hand on the shoulder of a girl. That hand had me scowling there for a minute, but resumed my lovey dovey stare at Kathy.

 

The girl was a little tall to be a first grader. Blonde hair and the darkest pair of black eyes that I would have seen if I had been paying attention. Those eyes contrasted her hair well. She was dressed like one of those rich chicks who were bred to be southern belles with dresses and hats covering her neat pinned up hair. The only difference with her state of dress was she wore short socks and sneakers instead of sandals. She had a nice smile, a heart warming smile that can reach the soul. Everyone but me chattered and gossiped as to why such a kid who looks, and obviously is, rich attend a public school. I didn't care about someone like that. It's not like she was boring and all. I just wouldn't have cared because I didn't care about anyone other than Kathy right now. After she was seated two chairs in front of the kid to my left, the class began. Not that I really noticed since I was in my own little world adoring my lovely Kathy.

 

I didn't notice that it had been two weeks since that day that I had been like that. Not noticing anyone was normal for me, but not noticing anyone because of thinking of another person was different. Too different.

 

It was not long till I figured out that I have this crush for my teacher. After wondering every time why I always had thoughts of her, it wouldn't be a surprise. I didn't even consider that she was a person with the same gender as I. Only considering the age gap that separated us and the thought that she would think of me as a child which I still am by the way. I didn't know what to do about this crush of mine, like whether to confess my undying love for her in front of everyone or just keep quiet so as to not ruin my already non-existent social life and embarrass myself. I'd rather go with the latter and went through the day like any other day. Only this time I stared at Kathy with love. I didn't know when I started calling my teacher by her first name in my head, but why would I care. It was so much better when I could call her Kathy.

 

"Clair." someone said.

 

I was so busy calling her name in my head that I didn't hear someone calling me.

 

"Clair."

 

Now I could make Kathy sound like her in my head. I had to respond somehow.

 

"Yes, Kathy?" I said in a voice soft enough to be considered loving.

 

There was some laughing in the background.

 

"Um, Clair. Are you alright?" said Kathy.

 

I jerked from my daydream and saw that Kathy was in front of my desk.

 

"Yes, Kathy- I mean, yes, Ms. Mitchell." I blushed from embarrassment and tried to shrink myself in my desk.

 

There was another bout of laughing and after looking around I found out where the laughing came from. I tried to shrink myself more in my desk.

 

"Ok Clair, I'll let this go, but you should pay more attention next time." she said and after she noticed some of the kids snickering she announced "Now who would like to have two assignments for the day?"

 

Everyone groaned then except this girl who I've never seen before in my class.

I got confused as to what she was doing here or what her name was. I didn't think that I was that forgetful that I couldn't remember a face such as hers. Was I that occupied with my thoughts of Kathy that I don't even remember a beautiful face like hers? I didn't think that this crush of mine would make my condition worse. I looked at her with questioning eyes and she just looked back at me and smiled. It wasn't like her smile before on her first day coming here. It looked more like she was mocking me. And when she knew that I noticed this she started to make a sinister like grin.

 

I turned away after that, trying to concentrate on the details for the assignments. She still stared at me for a minute before turning her attention back to the front. My thoughts didn't go back to Kathy after that girl creeped me out, but that wasn't the last of it.

 

The bell rang again signaling the class over and done with. I gathered up all my things and waited as the other students left the classroom. I didn't see the new girl step out of the room but she was definitely not there when I finished picking up all my things. When all of the students were already out I got one last look of the room and set out.

 

I thought about that girl again, I can't figure out why she intrigues me so much. I wondered why she smiled at me like that. I was never the target of something like that before. My mind was really nagging me about that. Like a warning or something. I shrugged at that. Nothing really happens when someone stares at you like that so I just ignored it like it was nothing. Nobody got hurt by just being stared at anyway.

 

Well, that's what I thought.

 

All of the students were already out of the school leaving me to listen to my own footsteps echoing down the hall. I turned the corner for the exit when something, or someone, tripped me. I was too occupied with my thoughts to be prepared and I fell hard on the floor. I tried to saved myself by landing on my left hand and ended up spraining it. I pushed myself up when my left wrist started to throb. I raised myself with my right hand, ignoring the pain from my other hand. I closed my eyes tightly trying to shut out the pain but some tears still escaped from my guard. I heard someone behind walk towards me. Maybe it was the one who tripped me to see if I was alright. I was kneeling now my hands still on the floor. I opened my eyes slowly when I someone stopped in front of me. I found myself staring at a pair of legs. I raised my eyes to the legs' owners and to the person's face and met a familiar smile that creeped me out more than the last I saw it.

 

It was the new girl.

 

"W-who are you?" I uttered.

 

"I am your worst nightmare."

 

And she was.

 

[End notes: Sorry! I just can't write my chapters long enough... Although when I compared the word count to my other three chapters this one is technically longer... xp]

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