Dreaming of red
I ran as fast I could in the void as the tsunami of time desperately tried to assimilate me into itself. I was outside of its dominion and I longed to be outside of it, being uncontrolled by the destiny that someone out there clumsily scribbled on a torn notepaper for me.
Even as tongues of flames licked at my bare feet, I continued to go forward, although I winced at every step as I went on.
I lifted my head up and willed my gaze as hard as possible while trying to pierce through the darkness that replaced the blue heavens with my sight.
My chest ached and I was gasping for breath but I didn’t want to stop.
If I stopped, I would be swallowed by the flood of time. That unknown substance would eat my heart and my soul while I watched, piece-by-piece.
The more I ran, the more I was suffocating. My lung was filled with the air that I couldn’t describe. I was charging forward and lunging at the enemy without a name and face.
My hands sideswiped and missed its throat. Instead, I fell forward and touched the burning earth. The black sky stopped being black. It turned red without warning.
The next thing I knew, red fluid was pouring onto me.
It was raining red.
I gasped, wondering what was going on. My hands trembled and my mind was a blur.
As the smell of iron saturated my nostrils and smothering my sanity, I lifted my head up. Staring forward, I saw Ryoko.
A column of blue seawater (?) was surrounding her, protecting her from the onslaught of bloody rain, which was quickly flooding my surroundings.
She reached out with her hands and I could swear with all my heart and hope to die that she was reaching out for me.
I paused. Something inside me was pulling me backwards and away from her.
I had no capacity for her. My heart was filled with burning fire and I was burning my stares into her.
Her smile slowly turned to sadness, and then bitterness. She slowly retracted her hand. As she did, my chest ached more and more and my breathing became more and more labored. My lung was filled with poison and I coughed.
Next thing I know, I was puking copious amount of crimson fluid.
Ryoko turned her head away and her face became downcast as she turned. Slowly, she began to walk away from me.
“No! Please!” With all the strength I could muster, I uttered. My hoarse voice scared me.
As I stuck my hands out to her direction, she seemed to fade into the distance. The more I reached out for her, the faster she retreated.
I started running again. Mustering my last strength, I was spring and hoping to catch up to her.
But she ran even faster, until she was just a shadowy figure in the darkness.
I was left alone, blood-soaked in the utter darkness. The only sense I had left was my smell.
My world smelled like blood.
“No!” I screamed in the red world that finally swallowed me whole.
My eyelids must have retreated into their respective slots quite fast because suddenly I found myself staring at my outstretched right hand right at the moment when I became awake.
My fingers were pointing like arrows toward the ceiling of my room, which was blue. It didn’t quite resonate with the color of the sky outside.
The sky was grayish-white with a tint of brown, like the color from a desert that I saw on a special on National Geographic.
I blinked a few times trying to remember why happened, and then shuddered at the thought of trying to recall a nightmare – it had to be a nightmare because I remember screaming out and trying to get a hold of something as I…fell?
I closed my eyes. No, it was no use trying to recall it. Oddly, I attempted to do just that, but every time a fuzzy image came along I quickly shove it out of my mind. I think the only thing I remember was red.
I blushed. Not the color I want to think right now.
Sitting up, I let out a strong sigh. I was soaking wet as if I was doing a marathon in the rain despite the irony that I wasn’t even into exercising. I was wet down to my underwear. Shoving the cover aside, I proceed to get off my bed. I didn’t bother to check my alarm clock because I knew I didn’t set it, but it wouldn’t matter anyway because I always managed to wake up when necessary.
It was a Thursday morning and that meant school. Shaking my head, I sat still for a moment. It wasn’t quite chilly in my room and I was in no hurry to get ready for school. Taking in a deep breath, I swept whatever lingering thoughts and fears left over from my dream out of my mind, and proceeded to take off my T-Shirt, leaving my bra on. I threw the shirt away from me, stopped in my track, picked the shirt up, and then ended up folding it neatly like a store display piece. Without thinking much of it, I placed it in my laundry basket. I stopped again and started laughing at myself. Then I took off my sweat pants and just threw it into the basket.
I unhooked my bra and got out of my panties and left them on the floor on my way to the bathroom.
I stopped at the body-length mirror on my way to the shower. The girl in mirror was looking back at me blankly, as far as I could tell without wearing my glasses. Cursing myself, I went out and grabbed my glasses and went back inside.
I finally got a good look at myself this morning.
My hair was unusually smooth and fine. The raven-colored strands rested softly against my shoulders and I played with the ends. My face was still red presumably because of my nightmare. My lips were dry but soft. I touched them. Next, I proceeded to check out my collarbone, which my mother used to praise a great deal when she wasn’t so busy with her work. When she used to be home more often to talk to me about girl things.
Letting my hand drift, I took hold of my right breast. Being frail and thin offered me the problem of underdevelopment, or so I thought. My cup-size was small but my breasts were perky. I had nearly half-dollar-sized areolas and pink and decent-sized nipples, I guess. Knowing there was enough time for me to get ready, I played with my lips with my left hand and teased my right nipple with my right. Did I mention I was pale? But my pale skin took on a pinkish tint, not unlike the days when cherry blossom petals were being caressed by the wind, before it left them wither on the ground and trampled by careless drunk men after a flower-watching party.
I let out a soft moan. The tingling sensation was starting to saturate my brain. My eyes were closed. Teasing and gently pinching the erected nipple a few times, I moved on, grabbed my left breast and then started tracing circles around it.
Images of frolicking with Ryoko in the cerulean waters took hold of my mind and refused to let go.
With the other hand, I started tracing slowly down my belly, slowly past my belly button. My hand brushed against my pubic hair. It was edging closer and closer to the tender places that begged to be caressed.
I held my breath for a second as an itching sensation was starting to form in my private sanctum. The feeling was like when the attracting ends of two magnets are held at a certain distance and you could tell that they would stick together as soon as you let go.
I wanted to let it go...
My middle finger was less than a hairline away…
“Sayoko! You’re gonna be late!” Suddenly, my mother’s voice came from downstairs.
My body jerked violently as if struck by lighting and I nearly slipped and fell, but it felt like my heart was literally jumping out of my mouth.
Damn it! That was not the right time to call out to me!
Then my eyes widened.
My mother was home? What did she mean I was late?
I rushed to my bedside and took the clock in my hand.
I had less than 10 minutes left and my bicycle was being repaired at a shop. But even if I had it, it’d take about 12 minutes to get there.
I bit my lower lip to prevent the cuss word escaping from my mouth while throwing on my uniform and nearly falling down in the process. Soon, I ran down the stairs and was through the front door, passing my mother on the way.
My mother and I exchanged no greetings. Everything in the house was a blur swooshing by me as I rushed out into the streets.