Maybe that was it; maybe I wasn’t worthy enough to be loved by anyone.
I couldn’t believe I’m actually in the arms of the one that I longed to be with all this time.
She was my light. As dark as my school life and in extension, my life, was, she had always dispelled the crushing darkness that was weighting on me.
I think I had a dream. I couldn’t remember much of it. But I thank God that for that, because when I woke, tears were streaking down my face.
“You’re awake, Sayoko?” She said.
For a moment, I was unaware of anything around me. I shivered, thinking that I was alone in my bedroom again. Fighting all these demons in the back of my mind.
I couldn’t help but press my face against her bosom. She was warm and slightly wet in the cold morning sun.
Before I could utter any word, I sobbed. My mind was racing and my thoughts were being smashed into little pieces. Something was struggling to break free from my subconscious; it was rising out of the ashes of what was a wholly constructed façade of completeness. I had always upheld it in my mind, refusing to let anything to get to it, and refusing to let anything to threaten it.
She wiped my tears away. Her fingertips were soft as clouds.
All that covering crumbled before her probing fingers, proverbially and literally.
I gasped as I realized her hand was slowly caressing my breasts as her lips were in my left ear. I silently cursed her intuition because my left ear was one of the most sensitive parts of my body.
“Don’t…” my voices sounded tiny in my ears.
“What is it?” Her voice dropped another octave. It was magnetic, feminine and attractive. It was the maturity as a grown woman that really took me by surprise. No sharp tones, no shrieking notes, just mature, deep and sexy. My god…
“What?” she teased my ears with her soft tone and breathing “Are you really awake?”
“No. None of that formality.” She cooed.
“Eh? But…but I…”
“R-y-o-k-o.” She demanded in the softest but most tempting voice possible. “Repeat.”
“Ah…in the same way?”
“No silly, say it all at once. Not too fast, not too slow.” She softly whispered in my left ear. God…I wished she didn’t breath into it.
“All…all right…” I stammered. “Ry…Ryo…”
“R-y-o-k-o.” She insisted. “Let me hear you calling out my name.”
“But it’s so…” I whispered.
“So…what?” She wouldn’t let me off the hook.
Oh, she’s such…such a devil!
“What? I can’t hear you.”
She gently bit my left ear. “What…?” I managed.
“Say my name or I’ll tease your ear.”
What was a frail but horny girl supposed to do?
“I…Oh, you…” I sighed. “All right.”
I took in a deep breath. “Ryo…Ryo…”
“Kyyya! Ok, ok…don’t…Ryo…Ryoko!” I finally called out her name as my body twitched a little. “My ear...earrrr!” I croaked and them almost screeched.
“Not good enough.” She said.
I realized how totally defenseless I was in her arms. “What do you mean?” I said.
Her grin told me everything. I bit my lower lip as her left hand traced my neck and then proceeded to undo the buttons of my jammies.
“Wait, wait a minute! We’re…”
“We…are…what?” She spoke softly and her breath actually smelled like the ocean wind. “If you don’t say it I won’t know!”
I took a deep breath. “But we’re…girls…”
“Yeah so?” She said. Then she proceeded to undo the first button of my jammies. Her tongue was on my collarbone before I could protest. “So nicely shaped.” She cooed.
What? She liked my small frame? My mother shook her head when she saw my body and said: “Sayoko, you looked like a 10-year-old child.”
I nodded and then cried in my bed later when I returned to my room later that night. I was 15 then.
Her arms caught me before my legs gave in and my body fell. I gasped. She was undoing more buttons.
“Wait…please…” was all I could mange.
I returned her gaze. Her ocean blue eyes were not to be denied. I sighed.
“I…My cup size is small…”
I was surprised when she sped up and exposed my chest.
“Never. I repeat, never,” she took in a deep breath and said: “Never be ashamed of your body. You’re a woman, which is a wonder that the world must accept, admire and adore.”
She smiled broadly. “No matter how stupid or prejudiced everyone in the world is.”
I turned my head away from her, but she cupped my chin and turned my face toward her. “Never be ashamed of yourself, you hear?” She demanded.
“Y…Yes,” was all I could utter.
“Good girl. Now relax and let me take care of you.” She said in a quiet voice. “Close your eyes, and take a deep breath. The time is short before we’re discovered.”
“All…all right…” my eyes were already closed. “…I…Please take good care of me…”
I could hear her soft laughter. I gasped when I felt her breath on my right nipple. I cursed myself for not wearing a bra.
I was falling so quickly that I couldn’t form a safety net to catch myself as time went on. The sun was coming out in a strong way and I was blushing hard.
What if someone saw two girls’ bodies intertwined under the morning sun? God, that’d be immoral, wouldn’t it?
I was so close to releasing all my energy at once and she wasn’t even near my sex. Not yet, anyway.
Her tongue teased my right nipple in a circular motion. But she didn’t stop there. Her tongue savored every inch of my right breast. I gasped. She sped up and then grasped my right hand and then placed it on her left breast.
I nearly jumped but she held me down and I couldn’t go anywhere. “Move your hand.” She demanded. “Don’t stop until I tell you to.”
“Do it now.” She nibbled my left ear and spoke through her teeth.
I swallowed hard and started to stroke her left breast gently. I didn’t know what to do so I grabbed the soft mound of breast flesh, which was underneath her baby-T and cupped her.
“Oooh. You like that? You like how it feels?” Ryoko cooed. “Come on, don’t hold back.”
I vaguely remembered about her ticklish stomach and my hand drifted down. Settling my hand on her belly, I gently tickled her belly button. My action seemed to change the dynamic between us a little; I was no long just the subservient; I gained some dominance.
I could sense her surprise. She was squirming and withdrew her body away from me in an instant. Though she was not far away from me. My hand stayed on target and my fingers wiggled as if I was playing the piano.
She giggled and nearly slumped to the ground. “What are you…?” she managed.
I must’ve had a huge grin on my face. My tickling finger increased their frenetic pace while tracing the lines of muscle structures on her belly.
“Coochie coochie cooo…” I said. I tried to keep my voice as breathy as possible.
Somehow, I just did what I did. My chest was bare in the early morning sun and I was shining in a way that I didn’t recognize.
It was Ryoko who turned on the other me, who was fading in the dark, wishing to be revived.
She laughed furiously and thrashed around without displaying any signs of holding back, even though we were technically in the public view.
There was still no one around yet.
Just when I thought I had the upper hand. I felt her hands gripping mine. Before I could react, her arms held me down and she was sitting on top of me.
She grinned; I panicked and my eyes grew wider.
Ryoko was back in control.
She gently shook her head. “Nice try.” She said quietly. “But I’m the athlete.”
That mischievous glint in her eye told the whole story.
“Should we continue as we were?” She said.
I bit my lower lip for the umpteenth time.
I closed my eyes…
“Hey!” Mari’s voice came from a distance. “What are you doing to my Sayo-sayo?”
I held my breath for a brief second. Turning my head, I saw Mari running toward us with a couple of men in black suits and dark sunglasses. I gasped, remembering that she always had security personnel around her whenever she stepped out of her family limo.
“Hmpf.” Ryoko said. A sardonic smile crept on to her face. She gently kissed my right cheek and stood up while helping me back on my feet “Alas, I must go, my kitten.” She said. “I’ll see you later.” She winked and started running the opposite direction of Mari’s group.
I didn’t realize that she could run as well as she could swim.
My eyes lingered on her backside until she disappeared from my sight. Then, I realized that my breasts were still naked.
Everything happened in less than a couple of seconds.
Before I could scream, Mari came to my side and threw a big long coat over my body. With that, I disappeared into heavy clothing. Though my heart was still beating fast, my mind retreated and I was myself again.
My frail body shivered and my head hung low.
I was in Mari’s arms as the morning sun finally shot all its rays onto each inch of every surface that I could see. I could not lift up my head to catch any of its rays with my eyes and I was ashamed of my appearance. Each ray seemed pierce a different part of my body and pieces of my broken heart.
I turned my face away from the sun and from Mari, whose eyes were trying to search my face but I betrayed no emotion to her.
The noises of cars, people talking, children and people our age chattering gradually drowned out the sound of my still-pounding heart.
I pushed my glasses up and I could swear that Mari couldn’t see the excitement left in my eyes with light glaring off the glasses.
A Unknown interlude
“Are you all right? Did she hurt you anywhere?” Mari said.
I shook my head. This was the 3rd time I was in her arms. I thought. “I’m fine.”
Mari’s frown slowly eased but her eyes narrowed slightly, which made me shiver a little. I never liked it whenever she got angry about something; I had a nightmare where I dreamt that Mari cast her katana-sharp gaze on someone and that…guy, I guess, was instantly cut in half.
Blood gushed comically but I was not laughing. I really hated it that dreams like that always managed to lodge in my memory without my permission.
Fortunately for me, she had never gotten angry with me.
I closed my eyes for a brief moment. I did make her worry many times. Opening my eyes, I darted my eyes on her face and saw her frown deepening.
Little by little, I started to shrink into myself.
She sighed. “What happened last night? You just…” She shook her head. “You just got upset and left. We…we were having a nice conversation, remember?”
I don’t know!
I’m weird, why can’t you see it!
“Well…” I shook my head. A certain image shot across my brain and I thought I saw Mari’s hand up my skirt. I shook my head again.
Mari stood still with a concerned look on her face.
I was still in my jammies.
The air between us slowly thickened; the silence was deafening. Mari shook her head in return. Taking a breath, she turned and gestured to toward the line of the men in black. One of them leaned slightly forward as if to inquire further. Mari waved her hand in an exaggerated motion. He snapped his head back and then the entire group bowed in unison.
They left as quickly as they came. With that, Mari and I were left alone.
The morning breeze was one of the loveliest things that I loved in the wretched world. It was always wonderful when I knew the cars weren’t yet lining up the road in a heavy traffic jam and people were still outside running, doing Tai chi and other kind of gentle exercises. Sometimes, there would even be the fragrance of flowers in the air, accompanied by birds singing their good mornings and in the spring time, their songs of lovelorn.
It was still a little chilly toward the end of April. Earlier, I thought we’re close to summer but I was far off the target. Most of the time, dates and weeks would just past by with me in them, flowing with the rhythm of traffic, the crowd and…
“Sayosayo.” Mari said. Her voice was quiet. “I think we should change for school.”
I shook my head; the bright morning sun made me dizzy. “Where’s Keiko?” I said.
“I had some of my servants send her home.” Mari said.
“I see…um…” I looked aside for a second while playing with my hair. I hadn’t done my braids and I fidgeted a little. Thank God I still had my glasses on. “I guess I need to go home and change…”
Mari’s soft but warm smiled dazzled me even more than the glory of the morning sun. “No need, I got your uniform in my limo.”
My eyes widened as I realized that her family limo was parking just outside the park. She must’ve had saw my confusion because she beamed. “Still feeling a little disoriented?” she said.
With that, she proceeded to take my arm gently.
The same image earlier flashed in my head and I took a step back with my mouth slightly agape. “Uh…Maybe I shouldn’t…”
Mari winked. “What’s wrong? We’re both girls, right? I’ll roll up the divider between the back and the front. Don’t worry about it.”
Before I realized that the strength of her grip increased, we were heading toward her limo.
“Wait a minute…” I said. “But I’m not used to being naked in front of another person…”
“What are you talking about? We were naked in front of each other when we were kids, remember? You’re just a little bit older and so am I!” Mari said. Her pitch was usually high and her pace was a little bit more frantic than usual.
I was inside her limo before I could finish my protest. Deep inside me, I had to admit that I wanted to see her in her underwear. I was dying to see her blossoming lithe body in its full glory.
She had always been the goddess from my past.