Story: Was it Worth it? (chapter 1)

Authors: pretendeavor

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Chapter 1

was it worth it?

you had recently split up with another boyfriend because you grew bored of him, like you always did. you were upset because you couldn't understand why you never really enjoyed being with a guy.

i had heard all of this from you before and had the routine down perfectly by now. i would buy you either coffee or ice cream, depending on the season, and sit with you while you explained what went wrong. after the treat and the good crying session i knew you needed, the next step was to take you out, buy you a few drinks and forget about everything except the music and loud bass of your favorite club on the beach. step three began the next morning where i would hold your hair back from your face as you vomited all your problems away. you never could hold your alcohol well. after that, we would eat cookie dough ice cream and watch a couple of those sappy romance movies you loved so much. if all went well, you would have forgotten your confusion and gloom by that night.

the day we met i had assigned myself the task to be there for you in that way because i knew you had no one else to talk to about these sorts of things. most girls we knew didn't like you much because of the sheer amount of guys you went through, dumping every one of them, usually leaving them still hung up on you even if they moved on to another girl.

so there we were, going through the motions. we were sitting outside of your favorite book store, two scorching lattes in hand. despite my greatest efforts, i still found it hard to concentrate on what you were saying over the feeling that my heart was crumbling to pieces and falling through my rib cage. it had only started to hurt this way about eight months prior when you told me that you often thought about giving up relationships entirely and that i'm the only person you really savor your time with. i knew i should never confess, because i had grown to like the 'Casanova' reputation that preceded me but, i had always thought i could treat you better than any of those guys and that you wouldn't get bored with me. the only problem with my theory was that a) you were straight and b) i was allergic to commitment.

absorbed in my thoughts, i didn't hear you the first couple of times you tried to regain my attention.

"honey.. hello? anyone in there?" you were waving your hands in front of my face.

"what? oh.. yeah.. continue." i said trying to blink away the hurt i saw in your eyes.

"no, its fine. i know this must be so boring to you by now, listening to me rant about my lacking love life two or three times a month. i'm sorry." you looked down at your cup begging it to relieve you of your current embarrassment.

i honestly couldn’t stand it anymore. not only were you hurting over another failed relationship but i had just added to your mountain of pain by daydreaming while you were explaining it. now you were apologizing to me? exasperated, i sighed and let the next words slip off my tongue before i even thought to speak them.

"why don't you just be my girlfriend and we can be done with all of your break ups and all of my meaningless sex."

as i felt the realization of what i had just done crash over me like a suffocating tidal wave, i watched your eyes grow wider by the second and i heard you choke and sputter on your coffee.

when you caught your breath you asked me to repeat what i had just said to you.

"i said if you were with me, we could be done with the break ups and meaningless sex."

"what exactly are you trying to say, Riley?"

"i'm saying that maybe you should give the speed dating a rest for a while and try being with someone that you know you'll never be bored with. i'm saying that every time you tell me i'm the only one you enjoy spending time with and that i'm the one person you trust completely, something in my chest tears open and it feels like rocks are falling over my heart and bouncing off my ribs because those should be the two reasons telling you to be with me, not the reasons why not."

i knew you well enough to know that you would want a few minutes to gather your thoughts before you spoke. i put my head into my folded arms on the table between us in order to compose myself. eventually, my breathing evened and i was prepared for you to tell me to leave and never speak to you again.

i was about to raise my head when i felt a hand combing through my hair and another hand on my knee under the table. i looked up. you had moved over to sit beside me and let your head rest on my shoulder.

"how long have you been holding that in?" you whispered. your head still on my shoulder, i leaned back in my chair and placed my right arm around you like i had done so many times before.

"somewhere around eight months, now, i guess. since that day you told me you think about giving up on relationships all together."

"why haven't you said anything until now? you kept it completely hidden, i mean, i had absolutely no idea."

"you didn't see it because you weren't looking for it. besides, i couldn't say anything because you're straight. it wouldn't have made a difference."


" 'hmm..' what? it doesn't make a difference, right?"

"i thought you enjoyed your meaningless sex with those bouncy young girls?" she carefully dodged my question.

"i didn't say i don't like it. all i'm saying is that it never means anything. i want it to mean something"

you stood up and grabbed your purse. i thought you were going to leave but instead you asked me what kind of coffee i'd like. "we have a lot to discuss." you said and smiled down at me. the landslide in my chest was put on hold for a while.


so there we were, with a new set of cups containing the blazing hot caffeine we lived off of, sitting on opposite sides of the table again so we could look each other in the eyes. we were finally discussing the flirting, the innuendos, the inebriated kisses, the glances, the casual touches, the things we normally kept swept under the rug, and the things we pretended not to notice were sprinkled throughout our two year friendship.

you explained to me that most guys you had been with were jealous of how close you and i were. when i asked why you had never told me about that before you answered with, "because your ego doesn't need any more stroking, honey." i just smiled because you were right. i certainly wasn't lacking when it came to women or affection from them, for that matter.

you told me that you frequently were asked, by admirers of mine, if you were my girlfriend. i laughed and asked what you would say to them. you explained that you purposely wouldn't answer their questions directly, leaving them to think the answer was 'yes' when really, you hadn't actually confirmed or denied. i was enjoying hearing those kinds of stories and seeing the faint blush in your cheeks when you turned the questions onto me
"so, Riley, it’s your turn to spill. i want to know what kind of relationships you've had and with whom."

it was my turn to choke and sputter on my coffee and blush from your blunt statement.

"wow, Krys. you don't waste any time do you?"

"hell no. especially not now that i realize eight months have already been wasted. now get to it." you ordered.

"um, well okay.. i don't know how many, but there have been quite a few one night stands. only a couple that i saw more than twice. then, there are a few i keep around in case i get bored or if i think they are actually fun to have around. that’s basically it. i never bring them to my place, it’s off limits, but i usually buy them breakfast."

"so, you've never really cared about any of them? that’s horrible.."

"no, no. i think you're getting the wrong idea. i always make sure they don't expect any more from me than i'm willing to offer. of course, that doesn't keep some of them from calling for the next couple weeks, but i never lead them on."

"but.. you've never grown to like anyone enough to attempt a relationship?"

i leaned back from the table and looked down at my keys in my hand. i played with the pot of gold key chain my first girlfriend gave me.

"well.. yeah. there was a girl i was really into for a while but we were really young and it never would have worked out, anyway."

i think you could tell that i really didn't want to discuss the subject.

"Riley, honey, it’s okay if you don't want to talk about it right now. i just think that we should be completely honest with each other in order to keep our friendship intact if we're going to take this thing between us any further."

the fact that you said there was 'a thing' between us made me feel alright about telling you the rest of what happened with Katie.

"her parents were insanely strict and when they started to suspect something was going on between Katie and i, they took her and moved away. we wrote each other every week for almost six months and then in the last letter she wrote me, she said she had met a boy she really liked and that she wouldn't be writing to me anymore."

"that little bitch. you're such an amazing person, how could she just toss you aside like that? why didn't you ever tell me about her before?"

"i want to just forget it ever happened. it was a long time ago." i put the keys back in my pocket.

i guess the tone in my voice told you i wanted you to drop the subject, and you did. you asked me where we should go from there. i drew a blank because i didn't want to treat you the same as anyone else. you were special and i wanted to act accordingly. we decided to have a date that night. "a trial run," you suggested. i offered to bring you over to my place and cook dinner for you, since that was something i wouldn't do for someone i didn't care about, and you cautiously accepted.

"you cook? i don't ever remember you cooking anything. ever."

"my mother insisted on teaching me at least one feminine thing. i hear i'm actually not that bad."

we stood to walk to my car since you wanted to go home and change and i needed to hit the grocery store. you were right; i rarely cooked for myself so there was hardly any food in my house. you wrapped your tiny hand around my index and middle finger, guiding me towards my car like i might not know where i had parked it. i was lost when you kept tugging me past the driver’s
side and over to the passenger side with you. when we reached your side of the car, you turned around and leaned your back on the door, pulling my arm around your waist and effectively bringing me to eye level.

"what are you doing, Krys?"

"i need to make sure you're a good kisser before we try a date."

"we've kissed before, you know, or were you always so plastered that you can't remember?" i couldn't believe what i was hearing.

"i know that," you slapped my arm with your other hand, "but we were drunk every time we kissed before. i need to make sure you're a good sober kisser or i'm afraid this won’t work out, honey." you winked after you said that, which clued me in that you were just playing around.

i kissed you. whether you were playing or serious, i'm not sure. of course, i was gentle at first, i was a bit nervous. when you opened your lips to let my tongue in, however, i lost any train of nervous thoughts i might have been entertaining. i moved your legs apart with my knee and filled the space with my thigh. you let out a whimper. i heard it, though it was barely audible, but i didn't think you even realized you made the sound until i felt the arm that wasn't holding my hand behind your
back, snake around my waist and press my body further into yours.

eventually, we needed to breathe, so you withdrew your lips and leaned back against the car once more. catching your breath, you just stared at me for a moment then said, "okay, now open my door." we both burst out


you said you didn't want to wait until the food was in the oven for me to come pick you up, so i went to get you after i bought the groceries for the evening. you changed from the regular t-shirt at the bookstore to a fairly low cut, black, sleeveless shirt. i couldn't tell if you chose such a low cut on purpose or if you just didn't think a t-shirt was date attire. i definitely enjoyed it, either way. you changed into heels, as well, making you the same height as me. you knew i loved you in heels so i couldn’t help but think you wore my favorite pair on purpose.

you had been to my apartment before, but not often, and it had changed a lot since you last saw it. i let you in ahead of me and told you to make yourself comfortable while i set the food in the kitchen and changed my clothes. i came out in dark jeans and a white, collared, button down to find you thumbing through my cd collection. you were so engrossed, i don't think you heard me go into the kitchen and retrieve two hard lemonades. i watched you for a couple of minutes then i plopped down onto the couch next to you.

you jumped, "jesus, don't sneak up on me like that, Ri." but you smiled while you said it so i figured my offense would be easily forgotten.

"hey, it’s my place; i can sneak up on you if i want."

you whipped back to the cds in mock frustration and i kissed your neck to make you smile again.

"pick out some music then you can come watch me cook if you want. just to make sure i don't screw up your food, because i know you're thinking it." i walked away and smiled when i heard you giggling.

you came into the kitchen and sat on the counter drinking while you watched me chop things and put them all into a big pan. you asked what i was making and i explained it all to you. i think you were surprised because you had a disbelieving look on your face.

"stop looking at me like i'm from another planet, loser. just because you didn't know i can cook doesn't mean i'm suddenly a strange life form."

i finished with the chopping and put the dish into the oven and set the timer. i leaned against the refrigerator when i was done and crossed my arms. looking at you sitting on the counter, drinking your hard lemonade with your pinky out, i couldn't stop the smile spreading over my face.

you set your empty bottle down and said, "honey, this isn't my 'strange life form' face. this is my 'i can't believe my best friend can cook so well and i've been eating out four times a week since forever' face. you might actually qualify as a good catch." you winked at me again and motioned for me to come over to you.

i stood between your legs and looked up at you. sitting on the counter the way you were made you a few inches higher than me. you wrapped your arms around my neck, pulling me as close as possible, and let your chin rest on top of my head. i stood there for maybe ten seconds and pulled away.

"hey, what’s wrong? i like hugging you. did i do something wrong?" you said it with a pout.

"um. no. nothing. you didn't do anything wrong. i'm fine." i said and backed away until i ran into the island in the center of my kitchen.

"Riley, why are you backing away so fast if i didn't do anything wrong? why are you acting so nervous?"

"i'm not nervous. i'm just.. it’s just that.. i'm not used to that kind of.. stuff." i was stuttering which you knew i only did when i was really uncomfortable about something. but you recoiled like i'd just thrown something at you.

"if you want a relationship with me, i hope you don't think we're just going to be fucking around, Ri."

you jumped down off the counter, walked to the living room and sat down on the couch, head in hands.

"Krys.." i started. you interrupted me, though.

"i can't believe you. i can't believe you would tell me all of that and bring me here just to get me in bed."


"i mean, i know you go through a lot of girls, but seriously, there must be some left out there."


"why would you use me like that? i trust you..."

this time i interrupted you, "Krystal! shut up for a second and listen to what i'm about to say, okay?"

you were shocked, you just nodded.

"i can understand why you would think that i only wanted sex after what i just did and what i told you today but, i can assure you, that is definitely not the case. i really, honestly, care about you. i'm sorry i backed away when you were.. holding me," i was getting nervous now, "it's just that.. shit, okay. no one has ever held me like that before. i've never let anyone get that close and it was just a little overwhelming for me. so i'm sorry."

you had a blank look on your face. "no one has ever held you before? i don't believe that. you've been with how many people?"

"just because i've slept with a lot of people doesn't mean i was.. what’s the word? intimate with them. i've never let anyone touch me that way before." i was looking down now, ashamed for some reason.

"but.. why? i don't understand."

"sometimes i tell myself it’s because i'm saving those moments for someone i actually have feelings for. other times i think it’s just because i'm scared to let my guard down."

you came over and sat in my lap, slowly moving your arms around my shoulders, looking me straight in the eye to make sure i was okay with it. i'll admit, it was still a little uncomfortable, but not as horrible as i imagined since it was you doing the hugging.

"you know, you're going to have to get used to me touching you right? if i fall for you i'm going to give you every piece of myself that i've been saving. but this time, i'm willing to wait it out. i have a feeling i'll never lose my patience with you."

"hey, what is that supposed to mean? you act like i'm a handful or something."

"oh, i'll have a handful soon enough, don't worry." you whispered it into my ear but i swear it sounded more like a growl.

you heard my breath catch in my throat. "what i mean is that you act like you're trying to tame an animal."

"oh, aren't i?" you growled again right before you took my earlobe between your lips and began nibbling.

i just let it happen for a little bit, enjoying the moment. then i moved your left leg across my lap so that you were straddling me. you had moved down to my neck by then and i ran my hands over the length of your arms, over your shoulders, down your side, and under your shirt. i was gently dragging my nails over your spine when i realized you weren't wearing anything under that paper thin shirt. you sat up on your knees, hands on either side of my head bracing yourself, and we just looked at each other. i had seen that look before, i knew exactly what you wanted, so i tilted my head up and let you kiss me the way you wanted to.

it was like you thought you would never be able to kiss me again. i returned your embrace with my own urgency while i brought your arms around my neck again and told you to hold on. you complied and twisted your hands into my hair. i moved your left leg around my waist and slowly laid you down onto the couch, never breaking the kiss. you growled when my hip introduced itself to
your soaking center and raised yourself to continue the greeting.

i'm not sure when it happened but, soon enough; none of our hands were visible. you unbuttoned my shirt and quickly latched onto a nipple, making me let out a hiss of pleasure. i buried my face in your neck and continued the rhythm with my hips. we were kissing each other again when you encircled my waist with your legs and had your arms under mine, gripping the tops of my

the whole time we were on the couch you kept saying my name in this low, sexy, husky voice that was driving me mad. finally, i couldn't take anymore so i stopped my thrusting and unclenched your legs, earning a groan from you, and unbuttoned your pants.

"ha. of course you don't wear underwear Krystal." i said, sliding your pants down your legs.

i leaned back over you. i could clearly see that you wanted me but i wasn't ready to obey just yet. i slid my hand up your perfectly toned legs, your thighs, and to your hip where i lightly squeezed. only after i acquired a moan from your lips did i curve down and kiss you. you pressed into my lips and sat up on your elbows.

"stop teasing. you know i want you."

"oh, do you?" i asked.

you grinned at me and pulled on my neck for me to come back down to you. you ran your tongue over my ear and breathed, "i want you inside of me. right. now." i shivered and went to obey. i slid my hand down your stomach, over your belly button and barely hovered over your opening. i slipped my tongue into your welcoming mouth and was about to glide into you again when the timer for our dinner beeped, surprising us and you squeaked.


you started to wiggle under me but i held you in place and continued my exploration.

"mmm. honey?"

"just leave it, Krys."

"it's going to burn down the entire complex."

"i don't care." i restarted my hand's trek down your stomach and towards where i could feel you

wanted me but you reached down and stopped me.

"as much as i would like that right now, i would also like to live long enough to appreciate it."

"uhg. fucking ravioli!" i lugged myself off of you, surrendered your pants, and headed for the oven. my shirt was still open and my jeans falling off hips.

you came in fully clothed after a trip to the restroom. you snuck up behind me washing my hands, pulled up my jeans, zipped, and buttoned them. you left my shirt open, though. you wanted to set the table while i put the food together, so i let you. i thought it was cute.

again, we sat at adjacent sides of the square table so we could see each other. you were finding it increasingly hard to hold a proper conversation with all of the attraction in the air. i was used to it by now.

"what are you saying? i can't think right now."

"i said eat, you'll need it later." i replied grinning.

you gasped. "my word, Riley Jensen, you think you're going to bed me after only one dinner?" you spoke in mock astonishment.

"i think you're forgetting that i almost had you on my couch before the date even began, Miss Rivers."

you only winked and slithered your bare foot under my pants and over my leg. the action made my leg jump and hit my knee on the table. you found it hilarious, of course, and stood to take your clean plate to the sink. we set the dishes in the dishwasher together. when we were finished i handed you another drink and opened my own, leaning against the refrigerator for a second time.

you tilted against the counter with the bottle at your lips. you kept it there, against your mouth but not drinking, and sighed. you never broke eye contact and i was content to just watch you until you sighed even louder. i stepped over to you and asked if you needed help with that. you sighed again and tilted the bottle higher so i pushed it up even more, surprising you, and spilling it all over your face and down your shirt.

"aw, honey, what are you going to do about this mess?" you winked again which i took as my green light.

"well first, we should get you out of these sticky clothes right?"

i proceeded to remove your drenched shirt. i pushed you against the ledge and licked every inch of your chest and neck clean, collecting the moans and gasps i had missed out on earlier. i stepped back to admire my work and you immediately grabbed the front of my pants and pulled me back to you, circling my neck with your slender arms. i realized the ledge was pushing into your back so i easily lifted you and placed you on top of the counter so you could be taller than me again.

"i like the view from up here." you said and rested your cheek on top of my head carefully.

"i know, baby." my reply was a bit short and that worried you.

"are you okay? like this, i mean?"

"yeah, i'm okay right now. this actually feels nice."

"good. i really loved dinner. thank you." your voice was soft but i could hear your rapid heartbeat through your chest.

"are you trying to cool yourself down or something, Krys? i can hear your heart but you're practically whispering."

"um.. no. i'm just, you know.. savoring the moment." you stammered.

i stepped back, "what’s wrong?"

"nothing, it’s just.." you blushed and looked down.

"oh my heavens, Miss Rivers! you are such a tease. you're all for the foreplay but you're shy when it comes to the real deal, huh?"

"n-no.. i am not a tease, Riley. geez."

you were still blushing. i could sense you didn't feel like joking about it.

"wait, Krys.." i lifted your chin with my finger and saw your eyes were watering, "you have been with a girl before right?"

"not really. i mean, there was some groping and kissing in college, but it never got any further than you and i on the couch earlier."

"shit, shit, shit."

"Riley, calm down. it’s not a big deal, really."

"it is a big deal! i don't know if i can do this Krystal. i don't know anymore."

i was pacing back and forth in my kitchen running my hands over my face when i heard you hop down from the counter and walk over to me. i stopped pacing and stood there with my hands in my pockets looking at you. you pulled my hands out and held onto them. you asked me to sit on the couch with you and i followed, hanging my head.

we sat in the middle of the couch, legs crossed in front of us, facing each other. you were still clutching my hands and you said, "i want you. do you believe me?" i nodded yes, my words caught in my throat. "then there isn't a problem right?" you said. i watched something like realization and fear clash together and settle over your face. you said, "oh god. you don't want me anymore. of course. i'm so fucking stupid."

seeing you cry over that broke me out of my stupor.

"Krystal, no, stop. please stop crying. of course i still want you. i've been thinking about you for almost a year now. i actually prefer that you haven't been with another woman so you aren't expecting anything from me. i just really don't want to mess up your first time. you're far too important to me. i want to be the one but i'm not sure i can handle the responsibility tonight. i don't know. i need to prepare or something. i don't even know what i'm saying.." i rambled on until you put your fingers to my lips to quiet me.

"Riley, i'm having a hard time believing that you could have trouble with this. the number of women you've been with far exceeds the number of men i've been with. if anyone would be good at this, i thought it would be you." you laughed and moved closer to me.

"you're different than them."

"how? we've all got the same parts, am i correct?" you were in my lap now, lying against my chest. you smiled when you felt my heartbeat quicken.

"because i want to see you tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. you're just different.

i'm not going to fuck you and forget about you. i will never do that to you."

"honey, we're just talking about sex, right?" you looked up at me and i could see the confusion in your brown eyes.

"no. no it’s not just sex. it wouldn't be just sex with you, Krys. i've had tons of sex before, but i've never.. made love to someone. i never cared to but now that i do, i'm not sure i know how."

it all just rolled right out of my mouth before i had a chance to filter the thoughts in my skull. i let my head hit the arm rest of the couch and let out a long sigh.

"i don't really like hearing that you've had 'tons of sex', honey."

"i'm glad you can find some humor in this situation." i groaned.

"you're right, i'm sorry. it’s all very gallant and noble but, Riley, i've made my decision about being your girlfriend. i know we have to smooth out a few kinks but, i want you," you didn't have to look behind you to know where my heart was and place your petite hand over it, "i want this."

you turned around to face me and tugged until my neck met your mouth. you were kissing my pulse and i was trying to focus as you whispered, "the last thing i want to do is rush you and ruin this. you've been waiting for so long while i was oblivious but i'm not in the dark anymore, i know what i want, and i'm here waiting for you to make me yours."

you pulled back to lock eyes with me and asked me again to make you mine. that was what i needed. i felt like i had all the time in the world to get it right.

i put my hand behind your neck and barely brushed your lips with mine as i curved you down to lie on the couch. your legs automatically locked around my back and i just smiled at that. i pushed myself above you and stared down at you. your pupils were dilated, indicating arousal, but i thought i saw some fear mixed with hesitation, as well.

"trust me?" i breathed.

"with my life." you replied and everything but adoration vanished from your face.

i smiled and resumed my duty to make you mine in the best way possible. i leaned down and kissed you. we were soft and tentative at first until i bent my arms and let my body press into yours. you moaned into my mouth so i pressed my hips down harder. your fingers crawled into my hair and knotted themselves there, pressing my lips forcefully into yours. i flicked my tongue over your bottom lip and when your mouth opened, i took your tongue captive and i slowly sucked at it.

the tiny hands in my hair gripped even harder and your hips leaped forward.

"Krys, don't rush it." i panted.

"i need you. now." you demanded.

i still wasn't ready to give in to your demands but you slid your hands over my chest and around my shoulders, letting my unbuttoned shirt fall to the floor. your right hand confiscated my breast and your left pushed its way into my back pocket, nudging my hips back down. while you were stroking and licking my nipples i was kissing and nibbling at your neck. you had moved your right leg down to grip around my thigh but your left leg was still keeping my hips exactly where you wanted them. i increased the speed of my grinding but i was growing tired of the fabric separating our skin.

"oh. god. Riley. don't stop. don't stop." you exclaimed between breaths.

but i did stop. i sat up and wrapped your legs around my waist and stood, holding you in front of me.

"what the hell are you doing?"

"bed." was all i needed to say.

you giggled all the way down the hall and kept giggling when we reached my room. still holding you, i turned around and pressed you against the door. i circled your left nipple with my tongue and, before i knew it, a hand of yours was in my hair again. you pressed my face into you and caused my teeth to graze over your nipple. you broke out into goose bumps and let another signature growl escape your lips.

“Riley, take me.”

i knew what that growl meant, i knew what you wanted. i moved us over to the bed and laid you down. i stood looking at you for a moment, memorizing everything in front of me, until you said my name, breaking me out of my head trip. i crawled over you. starting with your earlobe, i began to pepper you with soft kisses and cautious tongue strokes pausing at your open mouth to plant an agonizingly slow, passionate kiss. it took an effort to break away from your lips, but i managed. i continued my trail down to the top of your pants, unclasping them with my teeth and returning to your skin as i dragged the barriers away from your legs.

i glanced up at you. your eyes were closed and you had a vice grip on the sheets. i looked down at my goal and smiled. again, it was quite apparent that you wanted me. i reached around your right leg and lifted it up and over to rest on my shoulder. i leaned in to kiss your more southern set of lips. a contented sigh found its way out of your mouth. my tongue traipsed its way up and down your slit. up and down. from the very tip and unhurriedly down to the very ending. it only took a couple of trips for your hips to begin rocking in the same tempo.

all the while, my name and only a few profanities rolled off your tongue. i waited until i felt your hands in my hair again holding my face to your pulse, until i allowed my tongue the satisfaction of lunging into your opening. that alone earned a strong gasp and the bucking of your hips. i maintained the cadence until i felt you creeping towards your breaking point. i gently eased out and replaced my tongue with two fingers, which slid in easily. i changed the present rhythm and began to pump in and out to the beat pounding in only in my head.

you were screaming and panting by then. i knew you were getting closer. i inched back down and explored with my tongue, never breaking the tempo of my fingers, until i found your prized jewel. i circled your clit three times, making your scream my name, and then my lips enveloped it. i sucked and thrust, gaining speed, until finally you bucked and moaned one last time and fell to the bed. i patiently waited for your inner walls to release their hold on my fingers before i cleaned my plate.


you didn't speak. i don't think you even remembered what words were used for. i crawled up next to you and observed as you stared up at the ceiling, catching your breath. eventually, you rolled over into my arms. i held onto you feeling like the planets had aligned as i ran my fingers through your thick caramel hair. it never crossed my mind that i'd never held anyone that way before.

i thought you had fallen asleep so i pulled the covers over us and pulled you closer.

"Riley, that was.. amazing."

"thank you." i laughed.

"i've never.. that was.." you shivered, "that was the best i've ever.."

"shh.. i know, baby." i buried my face in your hair.

"Riley, i think i.."

i knew what you were about to say. i felt my heart clench. i thought the rock slide in my chest was going to start again. i didn't want this to happen so quick, it would only hurt more when you realized i wasn't good enough for you.

"shh, Krys. just rest for now."

the next morning i woke up before you. i looked down at your sleeping face on my stomach, you were smiling. as amazing as i felt that morning, i was scared to death that you might finish what you started to say the night before. i carefully crawled out of bed and started to make you breakfast. i knew omelets were your favorite.

the pans must have woken you up because you sauntered out, clad only in my unbuttoned shirt from the night before, and snaked your arms around my waist rubbing my stomach. i turned around and you were standing on your toes, stretching your neck out for a kiss. i obliged.

"what are you doing out of bed?"

"i woke up and you weren't there." your pout was back in full force.

"i was going to surprise you with your favorite omelets."

"really?!" your eyes got wide and a huge smile invaded your face, bringing out your dimples, "thank you so much, honey, you're the best!"

you were bouncing up and down and kissing me. you sat on top of the counter again. you looked like a little kid about to receive a present. you were so adorable and perfect in every way, i mentally slapped myself for running from what you were about to say the night before. i decided i would absolutely let you finish if you began that sentence again today and that i would tell you exactly how i felt.

after breakfast you begged me to take you to a new movie you wanted to see. you had always kept me wrapped around your finger so i gave in quickly, anything to keep the smile that lit up your face. we showered separately, i don't know why, and went downstairs to the parking garage holding hands. this time, you were confused that i didn't stop at the driver's side door. i lead you over to your side, pressed you against it, and kissed you for a long time. when i finally broke away to breathe, you were grinning up at me.

"what was that for?" i could hear the smile in your voice.

"just for being so awesome.”

"oh, i wouldn't say that, honey."

you winked and i thanked whoever was up there that i hadn't just given up and let my feelings go unvoiced. we jumped in my car and drove towards the theater. at the first red light, you pulled me over and kissed me. when the light turned green you allowed me to face the road but you leaned into my ear and whispered, "Riley Jensen, i love.."

you didn't get to finish the sentence that i wanted to hear so badly, though, because that’s when the truck crashed into us.


"he had completely missed the red light on his side of the intersection. he slammed on his brakes but it wasn't enough to keep his truck from smashing into your side of my car. because of the way you were sitting at the moment, your head hit the steering wheel, knocking you unconscious." i explained. i was crying now.

"wow. i don't remember any of that. all i remember is waking up in this bed and seeing you asleep in the chair by the window." Krys told me.

"i know Krys. you've been unconscious for four days now. the doctors said you won’t remember anything recent because of the amnesia. they said you might not regain your memories either." i cried covering my face with hands.

"i'm so sorry i can't remember anything, Riley. honey, please don't cry."

my head shot up. "you just called me honey."

"well, yeah. i don't want you to cry, it’s not your fault. i was just trying to calm you down. what’s wrong with 'honey'?"

"i'm the only person you've ever called by that name."

The End.

[End notes: what would you do in Riley's situation?]

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