Story: The Robin Outside (all chapters)

Sweaty. 

"Scherese..." I mumbled.
"Lonna." she mumbled back.

"Did you know I love you?" I asked her.
"All too well." She whispered.
She wrapped her arms around me and rested her head in the nook of my neck and shoulder.
I smelled her strawberry-red hair.

"I have to go away Lonna. I can't stay. You know that." She said.
I Nodded. I knew.
I knew.

"I'm really sorry. I wish I didnt have to." She said tightening her grip. I nodded again.

We lay there the rest of the night...Not sleeping.
So I said once more,
"I love you Scherese."

No reply.

I drove her home to her nasty homophobic parents.
She didnt kiss me goodbye. She didnt even hug me. Her parents were watching through the window. She did caress my knee and smile though.
"Thanks a bunch Loni, I appreciate it...everything." She opened the car door.
"Yeah. No prob Reese. I'll miss you." I said.
"Same here." She said.
Once more,
"I love you Reese." I said hoping for a response.
"Me too." She said fast and rushed away.

I never saw her again. Not a call. Not an email. Not even a post-card from her new home in Maui.
Years went by.
I waited for her.
I loved her.

Something did come.
An invitation.

To Miss Robin Lonna:

You have cordially been invited to
Celebrate the marriage of Mr. Steven Raykell and Ms. Scherese Mckay.
The date is promptly set for October 25th.
Time: 11:00
Please RSVP as soon as you can by August 30th.
Thank you.

I went.
She was beautiful.
I cried.
Her parents were happy.
I drank.
She never said hello til the end.

"Hello Robin." She said with a smile. "Glad you could make it."
I shrugged.
"Guess that makes at least one of us."

I left.

sweaty

I remember.

I remember the scent of her strawberry hair.
The touch of her fingertips sending a fire through my veins.
A Fire in my veins which triggered those butterflies.
The butterflies who tumbled restlessly within me.
The butterflies that flew to my heart.
My heart full of love for Scherese.

That was years ago, seven to be exact.
I regret to say that I've lost her.
Her friends stole her.
Her family stole her.
Society stole her.
Her husband stole her.

Here I am

Remembering how she was stolen from me.
Day in and day out She holds to my soul like a leech.
And you can bet that she's sucking all of my life away.
I cannot escape her hold.

Can you love someone and Hate them all at once?
No I take that back. Its not hate.

Resentment

I awake in cold sweat. My heart pounds like a drum.
Pounding so hard I feel as if I'm getting a headache from it.
I groan. I moan. I stretch and yawn.
"work..." I mutter. I yawn once more and look at the opposite bedside. No one...

Resentment

I'm a twenty-eight year old women.
A journalist trying to go author.
Yeah a real bang-up job I'm doing.
Here I am stuck in shitty magazine job
full of bullshit articles.
Sometimes I think my co-writers make stuff up...
all they want is their salary and their name on something.
Well I want my name on something real.

"Mornin' Lonna." I hear. I look to see Garrett.
Typical journalist guy.
Scruffy hair. Thick black glasses.
Wearing a scarf even though its dead August.
And surprise, surprise...wearing a v-neck.
"Morning Garrett...you know what I'm about to tell you right?"
His startling amber-eyes light up with satisfaction that he's already irritated me.
"V-necks are faggish on men?" He laughed.

Not exactly how I would have put it...ugh.

I dont completely hate my job.
I have friends like Garrett to keep me entertained.
I am doing what I love. Just now how I wanted to do it.
And I'm not taking the jounery of getting there quick.
I've lost drive.

Drive...

January

New York City is always bitter this time of year.
The streets are blocked up by traffic, snow, and People.
The people are bundled up in their coats...
Walking the bone-chilling streets if unfortunate enough.

Sitting at my desk by the window, I have the perfect view.
In the inner workings of my mind I'm almost like god.
Watching life unfold below me.
Judging and Ridiculing them.
I type it all into my laptop.
Not for work of course.
Work wouldnt give a flying fuck about anything real.
They want media, money, fame, and power.
Not for work...for me. I save it in seperate documents.

January

I sigh.
I stretch.
I yawn.
"Tweet Tweet..." Garrett taunts.
"Shouldnt you be working Garrett?" I say.
He smiles and rolls his eyes.
"Shouldnt you?" He replies looking at my laptop.

"Is this city cold?
Or is it the people that makes it so?
The hard determination to succeed,
They slowly forget they once had-"

I close the laptop to stop Garrett's sudden intrusion.
"Lighten up Robie." he says walking away.

"It's Robin..."

Monday through Friday.
10 to 11.
The building is my hello, good-bye, good-morning, and goodnight.
It is my life. It is my death. It is my hell. Never a heaven.

I put a column on Lucifer's desk.
My boss.
White blouse, tight suspended-skirt.
Tall and curvacious. A tempting sight.
That is until she opens her mouth...

"Is that all?" She says to me.
"Yes Angeline...That's all."
I hold back a chuckle from irony of her name.
She passes a fake smile and says,
"Then get on home." I smile. I nod.
"Have a good-night ma'am." And I turn my heels and leave.

I work long hours but I'm not ready for sleep.
So I drive.
And I always have a destination.
Far from the crowded hustle and bustle from Times Square.
Far from the blocked highways.
Far from my flat in Manhattan.
To a sheltered little suburbia.
A little development.

January

It all looks the same but I know where she is.
Last house on the left with the double garage.
I park across the street and I turn off the car.
As usual she's sitting on their couch.
She's reading a copy of Jane Eyre.
A smile. She always loved that book.

I wait and watch her Husband pull up to their house.
She immediately closes her book and smiles.
She's happy.
Of course she's happy.
He can do all I couldnt for her.

She rushes to the door holding something out to him.
He looks at it.
He looks at her.
She smiles and nods.
He drops his things and embraces her.
She squeals and laughs with delight.

It was one of those things I couldnt do.
Bet her Ma and Pa would be proud...

The ride home would be a little blurry.
Cant see too well with tears.

Beer and ciggarrettes seem like an excellent solution.
I dont even smoke, Rarely drink.
I drive downtown trying to find a good place to feed these cravings.
I pull up to a little joint called Foggy's. 
Excellent name for a club like this.
Jesus Christ...

Inside people are dancing, laughing, drinking and loving.
I groan inside of my head.
I take a seat at the bar and wait for some service.
This place would be some real good writing for dead time at work.
"What can I get you hon?" A man says cleaning a glass.
How cliche'.

"What will get me in about two glasses?" He chuckles.
"I've got you...Wait a few minutes." And he's gone.
Suddenly the crowd breaks into wild cheers.
I look to see them circling someone dancing in the middle.

CHARLIE
CHARLIE
CHARLIE

Well whoever this Charlie guy is...
Must be the life of the party.

"Here you go baby." The guy says handing my drink.
Its a murky blue substance that looks promising.
"Thanks.." I mutter.
"Anytime baby." He says turning to leave.

"Jay! I'll have what she's got."

I look beside me to see true beauty since Scherese.
Whispy black hair that stops at her jaw.
Deep dark eyes that show the knowladge of everything.
The skin-tone of coffee with a little cream.
The body of a goddess...a pure greek goddess.
Aphrodite.

"Hey there..."

She smiles.

Who is this Black Dove?
January

Heavy with mood

"Drinking hard tonight eh? I\'ve never seen you here before."
She says.
Her voice is rich and thick like honey.
"I\'m Charolette. My pals call me Charlie."
she extends a creamy arm.
I can only stare.
She stares back at me.

.....

....

...

"I\'m sorry...My Name is Robin."
I take her soft hand in mine and shake it.
She smiles.
Even in this terrible lighting I could tell her teeth were sparkling.
Her eyes were dark and inviting.
Her skin was smooth and soft...I didn\'t want to let go.
To my dismay she retracted her hand.
"Nice name Robin..." She said, genuinely meaning it.

Heavy with mood

Jay came back.
Blue liquid in hand with Charlie\'s name practically stamped there.
Her eyes lit up with sudden fun.
"Down the hatch." She winked at me and gulped it down.
I was only minorly sipping it.
I felt embarassed.
"You know something...I remember reading an article By some woman named Robin Lonna...ah..I love the burn from the liquor..."
Charlie placed her finger on her throat.
Slowly she traced it down her neck to her chest.
"mmmmh..."She groaned.

All I could think about was her intense beauty.
...
Wait...
"I"m Robin Lonna." I said softly.
Charlie was in mid gulp when I said that.
She had her head tilted up letting the alcohol slid down.
Her eyes darted down at me.
Slowly Charlie sat her glass down and her face lit up.
"Well then, You should come home with me."

She grabbed my hand.

She slapped down a fifty, paying for both of our drinks.

She practically dragged me through the bar.

Out the door.

"Got a car? I sure as hell dont!" She chuckled.
I nodded.
We walked to my car and all the while I thought.

Who is she?
Why me?
Does she like my shitty articles?
Is she into chicks?
Are we about to hookup?
Am I making a mistake going to her place?
Why does she smell like orange blossoms?
How does she get her hair to flip like that?
Do I take a left on fifth?

As my thoughts danced a dizzy tango I nearly hit a curb.
"we\'re here!" She sang. She Sang!
Even in a playful sing-song tone her voice was beautiful!
"C\'mon Robin!"

Up the stairs.
The many, many stairs.
The oh so dizzy stairs.
With softness in my palm.

Heavy with mood

Hours upon hours we talked about writing.
We talked of rich American literature.
I learned she was half Greek,
So we talked of European literature as well.
Hours upon hours passing by.
We spoke of language, music and art.
Her favorite music was folk and acousitc.
So we talked and I learned.
But then I thought of how this entire evening had been random.

How did I get here?
Why did I agree to go with her?
Did I even really agree?

I chuckled.
It was the first laugh I had in awhile.
"What is it?" Charlie asked smiling sweetly.
She had such pronounced dimples!
I stared for a second and came back to my senses.
"It\'s kinda funny. I thought we were going to...I dont know...haha."

Charlie started to laugh. Her laugh sounded like a song.
"In all honesty You\'re not my type! But there was something
intriguing. I dont know...Sleeping with you would be like...
sleeping with an infant."

I wasn\'t as insulted as one might think.

For some reason those words made me feel happy.

"What\'s your favorite book Charlie?" I asked softly.

I havent a clue why I felt the need to ask her this.

"Jane Eyre. No contest."

Slow like honey,
Heavy with mood.

I will posess your heart

I wasn\'t sure how much time had passed since we left the bar.

Charlie\'s stories went on and on. My ears remained open.

The moment she said that \'Jane Eyre\' was her favorite,

I was all for listening.

It seems silly I know.I even thought so myself.

It was such a laughable thing.

I felt like a grade schooler admiring an upperclassmen.

The whole scenario was funny...

But for some reason I didnt seem to mind.

Charlie was entrancing.

I had never felt so compelled by someone...

..at least not since...

...

"Robin? EARTH TO ROBIN! BATMAN IS SPEAKING!"

My head shot up to see a 

rather perplexed Charlie.

"Sorry.. I zoned..." I said solemnly,

Tucking loose strands of hair behind my ear.

"Yeah I noticed... Hmmmmm?"I looked at her questionably.

Charlie Looked quickly to my ear where I had tucked my hair.

I knew what she was looking at.

The tattoo.

I will posess your heart

"What does S.M stand for?"

I placed my finger tips gently behind my ear.

I could feel the ink in its place.

The little indentation from the needle.

I sighed with eyes closed.

"Scherese McKay... Though, she\'s not Mckay any longer."

I felt Charlie examine me.

"Old friend?... No... She\'s your ex isnt she?

You should NEVER tattoo anyones name on your body."
Charlie chuckled, then placing her index finger to my nose said,
"Kids these days..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember when I said I didnt completely Hate my job?

I lied.

I Hate my job.

There are so many reason for this.

I really HATE Garrett lately.

He continues to rave about his constant hookups.

He drones about how exhausted  he is.

Must be hard drowning in revelry with your friends 24/7.

Oh and I have I mentioned.... 

I HATE Garrett\'s V-necks?!

I would rather hang from the nearest noose

than to continue to write For this place.

For her..

I swear Angeline thrives upon my misery.
Where\'s my story Robin?

There\'s a typo in this Robin!

This article\'s inadequate!

Do you want to keep your job?

No I didnt really want to keep my job.
But what I want and need are two totally different things.

Evaluation

Charlie said I need to look at myself from the Outside.
Holding grudges and hating things...
It would only cause me more misery.
I can\'t help it sometimes though.

Charlie and I became fast friends.

I needed it.
I havent had a real friend in a long time.
Not since....

...

Anyway, Charlie and I have been hanging out every night.
She asks to see articles I\'m drafting.
She looks through old compositon books from college.
She tells me I\'m great without actually saying it.

She kind of treats me like a child.

I like it...

Funny thing is, She\'s younger than I.

She much younger than I had imagined....

Yet it seems almost appropriate.

I don\'t know why she does what she does.
I don\'t care to be honest.

I just want to keep being her friend.
No... I need to be her friend.

What I want and what I need are two totally different things.
I may have wanted Scherese....
But maybe I Need Charlie...

I will posess your heart