Chapter Six - Many thoughts, no actions
The heat was nearly unbearable when the early afternoon had arrived with a temperature that was a mind numbing one hundred and three in the shade anywhere around Keegan Lake. Shade or not, that stagnant heated air hung there like a heavy shroud, unmoving as it continued to baked us.
Despite the heat that was there, it was sort of a thankful thing in a way. My mind was not really noticing the world around me, not even the heat could penetrate my mind at this time. My brain was being way too busy doing some serious mental acrobatics inside my head for me to be noticing anything at all. It was a good thing, bad thing sort of think process... if you could follow my weirdness.
For the past two hours or so, I had just sat in the shade of a huge tree that was just a stones throw from my little cabin home. Even though I was fully shaded from the blistering sun overhead, I was not even close to being comfortable... and it all had nothing to do with the heat that was threatening to burn us off the land either.. The heat outside of my body was not even a factor... my mind was a little too screwed up for heat to be a problem for me... my mind was already starting to feel as if it was fried anyways... and did match the brutal scorcher of a day that we were having
I should have been excited as all hell because I had found that there was a message left on my cell. Sasha and Cassandra, the way out goth twins, were going to arrive here at their cabin tomorrow sometime. That was a great thing to hear, considering they were about the only people I actually wanted to hang with, especially out here at Keegan... but it never changed the mood that I was pretty much stuck in. It seemed that even that could not change my minds way of thinking.
Let me explain a little... I had known these two girls quite a few years by now, and did call them good friends. Their bleak yet very sarcastically warped sense of humour and unique way of seeing life in general always got me laughing. It always ended up as if I was on some really major sort of drugs or as if I really needed to have myself strapped into a straightjacket and put into a rubberized room for a me-on-me ping-pong tournament. They were some of my best friends, in all truth... and some of the few as well.
This year in hearing that they were going to be coming out to the lake after all, their imminent arrival was going to be tomorrow in the early morning, was the best thing that could be happening to me. With my summer already feeling like it was nearly shot all to hell... I was hoping that Sasha and Cassandra could turn this bad summer around, and get me in to a better place mentally. It would be a great thing to distract myself from things that made no sense to me ever.
That single, surprising... yet still so unforgettable kiss from Melody had made sure that my mind was going to not be able to make any rational type of thought pretty much impossible for at least two weeks. My lips could still Melody’s kiss almost as clearly as when it had happened to me... that was beyond freaky.
" What in the hell is going on with me?" I asked myself actually making the words a few times... luckily I did not end up answering myself out loud. I was feeling crazy enough as it was.
All of a sudden, I snapped myself out where ever my mind had started to drift off to. I looked at the can of coke I had cradled in the crook of my hand as it rested on my leg. I quickly came to realize something and just let out a long sort of groan. I could feel on my hand and even on the bare skin of my thigh... that the can was not even cold anymore. Actually, It felt almost hot... and the can had been almost frozen when it out here in the first place.
It was then that I realized that I had been sitting there long enough that an almost full can of cola had turned to being very warm to the touch. I looked at the can still gripped in my hand, and made a little face.
" Lucky, lucky me..." I grumbled to myself as I came to realize that the cola inside was warm and held not one hint of the coldness it once had.
I took a cautious sip to confirm my suspicions on the status of my pop, and found that it indeed was way too warm for my liking... adding to this was the fact that the Coke held not one hint of fizz to it either. Grimacing as the aftertaste assaulted every taste buds my body had, it was simply very warm and flat and just all around gross as well. I shook my head and sighed deeply, this was just the way my day has been going for me
" Awh... Fuck!!" I spat, realizing just how deeply I had been in my own sort of la-la land... and for far too long.
I stood up and walked to the main cabin, knowing that I needed a cold drink because of this surging heat that was hanging all around me... and this warm can of pop that was devoid of the slightest bit of coolness, would not do. I knew that my mother kept some cans of pop in the fridge... cans that were so cold that it forms little ice crystals in the cola itself without ever once freezing solid. I knew that sort of coldness was perfect for this heat. I never quite had figured out how she never got a cola-sicle our of it, as that stuff was very cold. And on a hot day like today, that was all important.
I was not really wanting to go into the cabin to get the can of pop, but the heat forced me to do so. I was in such a state in my head that I was not really wanting to be around anybody or to even interact with anyone at the moment... wanting to figure all of this crap out without anyone knowing... especially the case for my parents. This damned heat was not gong to let me just hide away... I really needed that frosty can of cola... and I needed to go into the tall A-framed cabin to do it. My day’s luck once again kicked me in the ass.
Stepping in the sliding doors that faced the beach, I found Mom sitting in living room just off of the deck. She was reading a pretty large book while a enormous floor-fan blew on her to beat this heat. Dad was no where to be found as I took a glance around, but that was not too unusual. He probably had went to have a cold beer down at the beach tavern, a favourite thing he always did.., or he was volunteering to help set up the Country Jamboree that was looming to start in a few days.
I started to walk past my mother and to the kitchen, then I saw my mother move a little. I was caught... I froze there, like some idiot
" His Sweety..." My mother said, looking up from the page she was reading. She had obviously heard me enter, even though I was trying to be sneaky.
I swallowed hard, I had not wanted to interact with anybody... especially my Mother
" Hi Mom..." I said.
" Is it hot enough for you today?" My mother asked, eyeing me.
" Yeah, it is.." I said, not wanting her to get even a little clue to all of the shit that was in my head. " ... too hot."
" Did you come in here to try and cool down?" My mother asked, pointing to the large floor fan that was only a yard or so away from where she sat.. " I do have a rather large fan club that you can join... it is free to join up..."
My mother giggled at her little pun she had delivered... and I had to admit that she had done it rather well. For a humour challenged person like my Mother usually was, she had clearly did one joke right. It was more than just a little surprising that I had found my Mom’s attempt at humour to actually be funny.
" I think I’m gonna pass on the whole fan club thing, Mom..." I said, with a laugh. " Just needed to come in and get a new cold drink... this one I have here has went both warm and extremely flat."
My mothers face suddenly twisted and contorted as if she had bit down into the worlds bitterest lemon. I heard her make a little noise, then she looked right at me
" Flat and warm cola??" She said, with a sour tone.
" Yeah..." I nodded, seeing her play things up with a funny face.
" Not a very good combination to have..." My mother said, reacting to my statement with playful over-the-top gestures and a funny face as well. " That would be a very untasty combination:"
" Guess I sat with it out there too long.." I chuckled, surprised that my mother had ended up tickling my funnybone a second time in a few seconds.
She shook her finger at me, but I knew she was really hamming it up in an attempted at continuing to being funny... which surprisingly was working.
" Your suppose to drink your cola, not just sit there and watch to see how long it would take for it to evaporate clean away." She smirked, suppressing what seemed to be a flurry of giggles..
" Oh my god..." I laughed, and rather hard I might add... she had combined her nerd side and her usually hidden humourous side to actually produce a good laugh... pretty amazing that I actually found it funny.
This was a refreshing change that my mother’s normal nerdiness she always had exibited, she had actually used that dorkiness for a very funny purpose. I could only hope that my father would learn to use his own nerdiness in this way... it would be a little less embarrassing than what he normally was. Brilliant was the word for my father... but nerdiness also defined him.
Giggling at my mother who was clad in a real gaudy bright coloured flowered sundress, I actually enjoyed hearing my Mothers somewhat off beat attempt at being funny. Even though it was a groan inducing sort of ha-ha she had laid on to me. It actually made me feel a little proud to be her daughter... at least for a few short moments. She was a nerd, but she had some ‘normal’ tendencies
I exited the main cabin about ten minutes later, a very cold can of coke in my eager hand. It was way to hot to stay inside as it was outside, and I was not wanting to just sit with my mother and bake in the front room area. To tell the truth... I was not wanting to be sociable to my mother, or to anyone else for that matter. I felt guilty that I felt that way even to my own mother, but it was a very honest feeling... I just needed to be left totally alone for awhile, and I knew it. I wanted to think this thing out... or at least find a way to bury it deeply in my mind.
I always seemed to need that sort of thing to get things clear in my head, when everything was going pretty much to hell. By how jumbled I was in my mind, it might take a long time to clear out my mind. I had been told that I think way too much, and that was from most people that knew me well. Perhaps they are right with that... but the reasons for my clutter thoughts were not clearly defined.
That single kiss I had been given was weighing heavy in my mind, and in my heart as well. The reality that I was trying to fight off was that I found myself more than just liking the kiss, and the sensations and feeling that it was bringing... I was now admitting to myself that I was really feeling an attraction the one who had given me the kiss in the first place. Talk about being confused.
The truth was, I found myself yearning to have Melody deliver another kiss onto me... and that did scare the hell out of me. It was inexplicable... I told my self how wrong that was to even feel like that, but that never mattered to what ever it was on the inside of myself. I had not a clue to the question of the moment... why was I yearning for something like this, and so strongly as well.
I could feel it on my lips, and my mind conjured up the memory of her soft perfume that she had been wearing earlier today. As clearly as anything, I could remember just how that wonderful scent had lightly wafted to me as we sat out at Crowsnest, and preceded the kiss that rocked me to my very core. That memory made me shiver in pleasure.
" I gotta get this out of my head..." I mumbled to myself as I shook my head to dislodge the image of Melody from my mind, but that feeling I was having was now getting stronger.
I decided to go and find myself another shady spot somewhere, and hoping that it would be even more hidden from the intrusion of others....where I could try and get myself more level headed than I had been. Only been here for a little over a day and a half at this point, this has became a different vacation all together.
The nighttime was a little cooler...but by very little. The day had been sweltering, but like the days before... night time held no promise of relief.
I sat in my little cabin, sitting on the bed fully naked with a fan that I had stolen from my parents before they had gone out for the night going full tilt... and that damned fan did little to nothing to even help. Even being there in the blasting stream of air from the fan hitting right on to me, I still was sweating like I was a fountain.
The cheesy sounding voice of a overly stimulated DJ blared out from the radio on my boombox on the side table radio.
" Keegan Lake it a cool place as it has gotten down to now ninety seven out there a ten o’clock at night... but by mid morning it will shoot right back up into the triple digits again."
There was not one report of any rain in the forecast, or a hint of a cool down. The overly caffeined DJ continued on and told about at least three more days of this heat will be in store the surrounding area. I groaned with the report that had been delivered... I was just hotter than I ever have been.
I decided to ignore the DJ and his banter pertaining to the heatwave that was upon us all... don’t you just hate when they say things like that and they seem happy about it? Of course he is happy... the man is in a radio booth right now, and more than likely it is air conditioned as well. The Bastard!
I had successfully shot the day away by hiding away from everyone, but had not gotten even close to getting my head straight. For hours on end, I had threw around all of these feeling and emotions inside of myself, and never once ended up like I could have felt that I had a handle on this situation. To my frustration... it now felt like I had even less of a handle on all of it than what I had just after Melody had planted that kiss on me.
For good or bad... I did succeed in totally wasting a whole day with out any real accomplishment of something...but I had just told myself that the day was not a total loss because it had been intentional. I did not even believe myself with that one, but I did make myself at least laugh at the stupidity of my thoughts.
I was just reading, as the local flavour of rock station I had tuned in on was mindlessly playing... the irritating DJ was finally gone from the airwaves. The low music was helping me with calming my mind a little... but music can never help with my little sweating problem, because it was still too damned hot in here. Even though I was completely naked, with a fan and laying on top of the covers while reading... I was still sweating like I was a out of control lawn sprinkler.
I was thinking about strutting out to the larger room and seeing if my cans of cola were cold enough yet.... when I heard a knock at the main door of this little cabin. It was faint sort of a knock, but it was a knock. I grabbed my long t-shirt that I had layed out ‘just in case’ and hurried out of the bedroom and to the door... if it was my mother who had happened to come home early, she would knock and then just barge in on me. I hated when she did that.
I was a little surprised when it was my father who was at the door. He was holding two bottles of wine in his hands, and a big grin on his face.
" Are we now reduced to drinking with both hands Dad?" I asked with my sarcastic humour.
" I had forgot to bring some wine to the Peterson’s pre-jamboree party..." He sighed, while chuckling under his breath at himself. " And they were wanting some of our better vintages...."
" And now they will have it, I see?" I giggled.
" Precisely, Sparrow..." He smirked " I got the Vino for the Vino-lovers!"
" Don’t you mean winos?" I came back with.
" You could say that..." He laughed.
I nodded as I laughed, then looked at my father.
" Then why are you here?" I asked.
" Ah, yes..." He said, his nerdy stuffiness returning to his voice. " I was getting the wine, and someone called Melody phoned up for you on the cabin’s line... guess she does not know your cell number..."
" Melody?" I stammered a little, shocked to hear that name and the image that came with it for my head.
" That was what she said her name was..." He said, nodding as he tucked a bottle of wine under each arm as he stood there.. " I told her your number and such... come to find out that she is the Steelman’s niece, did you know that?"
" I did.." I replied instantly to my fathers babbling, still trying to fight my shock.
My father seemed not to even notice my reaction to him telling me this. He seemed to be content to just stand there with his smile on his face as usual.
" Anyways..." He said, just passing off everything "... she said that she wanted to talk to you really badly... and as soon as she could... she was hoping for tonight sometime... she seemed upset." .
" Upset?" I echoed with a tight voice, although my echoing was not done on purpose.
" Yeah... really upset." My Dad said so dryly.
" Did she say why.." I blurted out inadvertently, already knowing that answer for myself.
My father took a second to think, standing there looking silly with the two bottles of wine in his armpits.
" No... she never said anything like why.." He said, his voice ever so flat and toneless. " Just that she wanted to talk to you and was hoping that it would be tonight for some reason."
I was unsure of just what to say, feel or anything else for that matter. I could feel myself trembling as the image of the pretty girl bounced right back into my head... to add to its return, that image was one hundred percent naked. A imaginative mind like I always have had is a serious drawback... it was sometimes a real curse as my decision to work a little avoidance on the matter... poof, was gone like a flash.
My Dad just turned and walked out of the doorway of the little cabin, probably heading back down the road to the Peterson’s cabin with the wine still tucked neatly under his arms. You could hear the party going on even from here. The country music blaring from that party was as deafening as it was bad.
" Don’t wait up for your ol’ Mom and Dad here, Sparrow... we will be back home rather late I’m afraid!" he said, walking off into the super heated night.
" I wont!" I answered, but he seemed not to hear my humoristic reply... and that was not uncommon of him.
My Dad looked so relaxed as he headed off to the party... and I was envious that he was enjoying the whole lake thing. I found myself wishing that I was old enough to take a real stiff drink without my parents grounding me for life or killing me. I was half wondering if a drink of whatever that could make me forget for a little while, which just might be a welcomed break... and if your too drunk in the end, you wont care anyways. I sighed and put that out of my mind... already knew that drinking would not solve anything.
I closed the door of the cabin and locked it back up and just went back into the bedroom, my first instinct was to just out and out hide from everyone again... but there was a difference in this sort of hiding as to what I had done all day earlier. It seemed that this hiding may just have a purpose...although for the life of me, I could not say what that purpose might have been.
I made sure that my cellphone was with me, but I never did turn it on... something inside of me would not let me. I was caught between wanting Melody to phone me now that she had my number so I could go over there to see her and try to work out my feelings... or me just running the hell away from here.
Two sides of myself were literally battling it out inside of me, and there were no answers to either of these things I was thinking on. I was beginning to think that I was pretty much screwed for getting a answer to my dilemmas. It was becoming a constant sort of thought that perhaps I was the one that could be so screwed up, and not the situation. Here I was a young girl, who was kissed by a girl... and seemingly had really liked it despite myself. That made no sense to me either.
Officially, my situation really, really stinks! That was what was constantly running through my head... and I wondered where my mind’s off switch might be located to stop it from doing it.
I shucked off my shirt again and returned to laying on my bed, the heat making my temporary article of clothing expendable. I was laying back, but I was not in any way resting... my mind made sure of that much.
Nothing made any sense at all, no matter how much I was trying to straighten out things in my head.