Story: Dark Angel (chapter 1)

Authors: Risa Kaijuu

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Chapter 1

Title: Surprise!

 

Dark Angel



I was finally doing okay. I had found a band that thought my weird gravelly voice went well with their music style, and it was just my kind of stuff. Edgy punk with plenty of frustration and pain. Gig's were few and poorly paid that first year, so I had to keep my part time job at the restaurant, which was hell. I never got enough sleep and felt shitty all the time. Of course with the stuff I was singing it didn't really hurt to feel shitty.


But now things were looking up. We had six weeks guaranteed for decent pay and the local college students loved us. It seemed weird to have fans though. I had to smile when I signed autographs, thinking about how unpopular I had been in high school just a couple of years before.


Then one night I saw a familiar face in the little group I was signing autographs for after the show. "Shit. That can't possibly be... Tiffany Roberts?" Her golden hair was longer but it sure looked like her; as beautiful as ever. The Princess of Huron High, with her rich family, her perfect face, perfect personality and her perfect boyfriend. So what the hell was she doing in a club like this? And what was weirder, in a line of my fans... She was the last one and approached me hesitantly. Just like I first approached her when I was trying to apply as her assistant on the student council. It was funny and I had to grin as I spoke.


"If you are who I think you are, what the hell are you doing here?" I asked in a not very polite voice.


"I guess that means that you are Agnes Bleaker then?" I snarled to hear my hated name even though it was the voice that used to make me melt. Then I smiled to think that her voice meant nothing to me now.


"I go by the name of "Angel" these days, Tiff. My shy stupid days are past. So do you really want my autograph? Or were you just checking to see if I was really your old boot licker." I finished sharply. The more I thought about it the more bad memories surfaced. I had made such a fool of myself, confessing my love for her. But at least she hadn't laughed, I had to give her credit for that.


"Please...Angel. I just wanted to talk to you for a bit, if you have the time?" She sounded so humble I could hardly believe it was the same girl. But she was still as lovely as ever, even without her usual sweet smile on those perfect pink lips of hers.


"Sure...anything for an old friend." I told her in an unfriendly voice. "Come on back to my dressing room and we can talk while I change." She followed me with her head down a little just like I used to follow her around. It was funny, I realized and I chuckled to myself, which seemed to make her look down even more. "She is embarrassed!" It dawned on me. "She is out of her element and our relationship has switched around. I'm the star here, and she is nothing more than a fan."


"Cool!" I thought with a grin as I opened the door to my little dressing room. I plopped down in my old swivel chair in front of the big mirror and smiled at her. "You can use that chair over there." I pointed to the folding chair against the wall. As she unfolded the chair I could see she hadn't lost the grace she had always moved with. The grace I had always envied. I still envied it. "So what's on your mind?" I asked a bit sharper than I intended as I started removing my stage makeup.


"I'm sorry for everything that happened in school-" she started and I promptly cut her off.


"You weren't responsible for most of that hell. In fact you were the only one of the "regulars" who showed me any kindness at all. For that, I thank you." I figured she deserved that at least even though my voice wasn't at all thankful.


"You don't hate me?" She asked and I thought about that for a moment.


"Hate you? Well... Yeah, I guess I did, but it's not important anymore. I didn't mind so much when you ripped my heart out, but it bothered me a lot when you kept walking back and forth over it... But what I really hate is the person I was back then." I continued before she could interrupt with another damn apology.


"I didn't hate the person you were back then. You had the courage to express your feelings even in the face of everything. I admired that. I never had any courage back then. I just did as I was told and behaved as I was taught. I was so afraid of disapproval."


"Cool." I said disinterestedly. "So did you marry Tad or whatever his name was?"


"Trent. Yes I did. Mom thought he was perfect. I really wanted to tell her to marry him herself if she thought he was so great, but of course I didn't. What he actually is, is a boring snob who is way too proud of how he looks."


"This was beginning to get interesting."


"So do you have perfect children now?" I asked with a smile.


"No. We don't. Living with him was the last straw. I exploded and told my mom what I thought of "my perfect marriage" and then left him. It took me a year and a lot of pushing, but I finally got my divorce three months ago. I think my dad secretly admired me for having the nerve to tell my mom what she could do with the 'perfect life' she had planned for me. Anyway, he's paying for me to go to college without her knowing and I'm studying what I want to study."


"And that is?" I asked, wondering about this very different Tiffany.


"I told you! Remember when we would have our little talks?"


"Oh yeah. You wanted to be an actress." I remembered now. We would talk for a little while after each student council meeting, after everyone had left. That was where I had confessed to her and had my nose rubbed in the dirt. She hadn't just said she wasn't interested and dropped it. I was expecting that. No, she had to explain why she couldn't possibly- But then I saw her lovely face break out in a smile and I felt the old flutter inside me. She still had the power to stir up my insides just like back then. I wasn't over her yet. And this made me angry; really angry. "GOD DAMMIT!!" I yelled at the ceiling through clenched teeth.


"What? What did I say?" She said in a frightened voice that barely penetrated the anger that tore at me.


"Get out of here, I don't want you around me!" I growled out like an animal as I jumped to my feet and headed towards the door. As she stood I hardly noticed the tears in her eyes. "Out!" I said sharply as I pushed her through the doorway. "And don't-" A crazy thought popped into my head and then out my mouth, "don't come back unless you want to date me!" With this I slammed the door and began to cry which really pissed me off, so I grabbed the steel folding chair she had been sitting in and proceeded to smash it against the concrete floor over and over until it was an unrecognizable ball of twisted metal. "They don't make these things like they used to." I laughed to myself which cooled my anger. Then with one more crash of the broken chair on the floor I felt good enough to sit back down.


"Well so much for your maturing and getting over her. All the girlfriends and all the sex and she can still mess you up."


"YOU STUPID ASS!" I couldn't help yelling at myself.


"If only she hadn't contacted me. What was she doing in L.A. anyway? This is a hell of a long way from our old school." I was still wondering about this when there was a quiet knock at my door.


I got up and jerked the door open ready to yell at whoever had disturbed me. But it was her. Her eyes were red and she looked miserable. "I told you I didn't want to see you." I reminded her in a level voice. My fit was over and I was kind of curious why she had come back.


"You said I could come back on one condition." She said hesitantly.


"What condition?" I snapped. It seems I had forgotten what I had said.


"You said I could come back if I wanted to date you. Well, I do. I want to date you."


"You're shitting me!" I gasped.


"No. I'm completely serious. Remember when you confessed that you liked me?"


"Entirely too well!" I remembered now that I was still mad at her.


"Well, I liked you too, but I was way too brainwashed to even think it, let alone say it. But now that I have broken out of my mom's programming, I'm trying to see if I can possibly recover from that horrible mistake. I like you and I want to date you."


"I thought you were so super straight?" I mumbled half to myself as I let her back into my room.


"I'm NOT straight! I never was. I've had one girlfriend already and it was okay, but it wasn't you. And that was only because she looked a little like you. Then one day I ran into Jill in the grocery store and she said that you had told her you were working as a singer in L.A. But she didn't know where exactly and she had lost the email. I knew then that I had to see you again. I searched the net but found you weren't listed in any phone book around L.A., and I figured that you wouldn't be working under your real name, so that only left one way to find you. I searched up a list of clubs with live music and girl singers and flew out here to check out each one. And I almost walked out of this one too. In your stage makeup and the way you were dressed and... Well you looked completely different from the girl I knew, but then I recognized your voice."


"Yeah, I have this weird voice." I said as I collapsed into my chair. As she looked for the chair she had sat in earlier, I chuckled just a bit. "Sorry, I smashed it."


"Can you tell me just why you were so angry?" She asked hesitantly as she looked at the twisted metal. I thought before I answered.


"No. No just now. So you think I'm hot?" I asked her with a smile. This got a wonderful pink blush which really showed up on her fair complexion. Then she firmed her lips and answered.


"Yes. I think you are the hottest thing I've ever seen. I'm... I'm crazy for you. There, does that help?"


"You have got to be shitting me." I said with a raised eyebrow.


"It's true! I s...swear it is." She stammered still blushing like mad.


"Then kiss me." I said with a smile. I didn't know if she was lying or not, but I figured I'd win either way. Until she put her hands on my face. And slowly came closer and closer. I was dying inside as I stared at her perfect face... But then I was saved, I felt her lips on mine and it seemed to release something that had been wound up really tight. And with the release I put my arms around her and grabbed on. As she continued to gently and sweetly make love to my face I realized I was crying which upset me. But when I noticed that she was crying too I felt better.


I was tired of standing so I sat down on the floor. Without letting go of her. Then we were both laying on the floor with me on top taking full advantage of my position to explore that amazing figure of hers.


That's when, just like in a sitcom, there was a quick knock on the door and Mary, the cleaning lady stuck her head in to see if I had left yet. We just looked at each other for a few long seconds before she spoke. "Next time you want to do it in here, lock the door for gods sake! Now you got me all hot." She finished as she slammed the door and we both started laughing like crazy.


I rolled off of her and just laid there, laughing at the insane things that had suddenly invaded my life. "This whole thing is impossible! Things like this don't happen in real life. Particularly in my real life." ran through my head. But when I rolled up on my side, my dream was still there, laying on her back, chuckling at the ceiling. It was a sound I had never heard from her. "But there she is. And she wants me!" That was enough rational thought for the moment, I figured as I got back on top of her.


"Ag! I mean Angel! Remember? The door is still unlocked? And this floor is hard. I have a motel room..."


"I have an apartment. And I want you there... In my bed..."


"This is so unfreakin' believable!" sang in my head.


"That's fine. Now if you get off me, we can go." She reminded me with a smile.


"Right." So I started changing my clothes as she 'helped' me, and we wound up back on the floor. "You know? I think the door is still unlocked." I commented as I nuzzled her neck.


"And this floor is still hard." she reminded me.


"So, this time don't help me, okay?" She agreed and locked the door as I finished changing out of the leather and chain outfit and into jeans and a tee shirt. "There! My car is out back-"


"Mine is out front." She interrupted. "I can come around-"


"Go out and wait." I interrupted her firmly. "You will get lost if you try to get into the alley!"


"I will not!" She insisted.


"You will too! It's not an easy place to get to. Now go-"


"Wait!" She interrupted again. "Here is my cell number. Just in case, okay?" The piece of paper already had a phone number clearly written on it. That was Tiff. Always thinking ahead and prepared and organized and all that crap instead of stumbling through life like me.


"Yeah sure." As I scrabbled through my bag for something to write with she handed me a little notebook with a little gold pen attached by a silky red string. I rolled my eyes as I wrote down my cell number. "Okay, now we won't lose each other." I agreed, slightly miffed that I hadn't thought of it first. "I have an old purple Saturn, keep watch for me, okay?" I instructed rather sharply.


"You've changed." She said quietly as she went out the door.


"Of course I've changed, damn it! I was a total idiot back in that damn school!" I yelled at the closed door. "Well, this is beginning to feel more like real life anyway... Now don't be a total ass and drive her away, remember you are crazy about her." I reminded myself quietly as I turned the lights out and headed for the alley.


As I got in my car I realized I had no idea what she was driving, so I couldn't look for her. "Stupid!" I yelled at myself as usual. "Oh well, I have her number so it doesn't matter... But you wouldn't have that if it weren't for her." I reminded myself with a groan. "But it would still help to know what kind of car she is driving." I continued talking to myself as I took out my cell out of my purse and looked for the paper she had given me with her number on it... And couldn't find it. "DAMMIT!" I yelled at the roof of my car. Then with a growl I backed out and drove around to Twelfth street which ran in front of the club. Then I drove real slow so everyone was passing me as I headed south until I was well past the club. No sign of her, so I pulled into a restaurant lot to turn around. As I was about to back up a blue convertible pulled up beside me and she waved. "GREAT!" I yelled with a forced smile as I waved back.


<<<>>>


When we got to my apartment there was only my reserved spot left; all the guest spots were full. And since they loved to tow illegally parked cars around here, I pulled into my spot and then just sat there trying to think of a place she could park...


"Well? Are you waiting for something?" she asked me through my open window which startled me.


"I'm trying to think of a legal place you can park." I informed her as I was stressing out.


"I just parked on the street-"


"That's illegal!" I informed her.


"I know, I saw the signs. But I called the car rental company and they will come and get the car. I don't need it now, right?"


"Yeah... Uh... They will do that?"


"Yes of course." She replied as if I should know that.


"What if it gets towed before they get here?"


"The tow company will call the rental car company and they will take care of it."


"But won't that-" I stared to say, "cost a fortune" but then I remembered her family had money.


"Won't what?"


"Never mind." I sighed as I got out and made sure my car doors were locked. "Remember, she is the girl you were madly in love with, that you were torturing yourself over. The beautiful and unattainable. And now you have her..." This reminder improved my mood a lot as I went up the stairs and pulled out my key. "However the first stop is going to be the bathroom."


When I came out she was waiting just outside the bathroom door. "My turn." She said with her stunning smile. I stared at the door she had just gone through then felt a bit dizzy for some reason. As well as thirsty. After filling a large glass with water, I went in the living room and sat in my favorite chair as I pondered what had just happened.


"Well, unless I'm hallucinating, I've got Tiffany Roberts in my bathroom and she wants my body." I reminded myself in a normal speaking voice. I was still having trouble swallowing that bit of info. "Oh god, am I glad I didn't pick up that redhead bimbo yesterday!" went through my mind. "That would have been really bad."


As I took another sip of water I heard Tiffany's voice call out. "Ag-Angel? I'm waiting!"


"Waiting for what?" my confused brain wondered as I went back and looked in the bathroom.


"No, silly, in here!"


"Bedroom." I mumbled to myself as I turned around. She was on my bed. Naked. With her long golden hair spread on my pillow. Like the Playmate picture I had on the inside of my closet door. Only better...


I shed my clothes with each step towards her and in a matter of seconds I was on top of her. I usually leave only a little lamp I have on my computer desk on. I like to call it my sex light. But this time I left the big light on, since I wanted to see exactly who I was making love to. I wasn't disappointed. Every time I drew back a bit and looked at her I bubbled over inside. Every single time... It was even better than my dreams... I saw daylight on the drapes before I passed out from exhaustion.


<<<>>>


When I woke up I had hair in my face. I knew it wasn't mine, since mine is short and curly. Then I remembered. Tiff...and me... And she was still there. And some of her hair was in my mouth. I really wanted to see her face but she had her back to me. "Well, that's easily to correct." So I gently got up and went around to the other side of the bed where I just stood and watched her sleep for a while. "The great and wonderful Tiffany Roberts is in my bed. And now I know every square inch of that beautiful body." I was grinning with tears in my eyes. She looked so young and innocent as she slept, but I knew better now. I had taught her a few things but she had taught me a couple of things too. "Priority interrupt." I said softly to myself as I turned and headed for the bathroom to take care of pressing business.


<<<>>>


As I drank coffee and waited for her to wake up, the bliss slowly faded and I began to think a bit more rationally. "Now we need to talk. About our future... If we have one. I shouldn't just assume that she is going to move in here with me and be my sweet loving wife for the rest of my days; wonderful as that thought is. She said something about theater arts, but I don't remember if she said she was in a school for that or what. But if she wants to study acting, LA has got to be the best place to do it! So there shouldn't be any reason she should want to leave." It seemed logical and I tried to convince myself that it was nearly certain that she would stay, but deep inside there was another voice. "Remember this is your life Agnes Bleaker." I tortured myself with the name I hated, just like I used to do in high school. "And good luck is something that other people have."


<<<>>>


Two hours later I was still torturing myself when I saw her come out of the bedroom and go into the bath. She was back out in a minute. "Want to join me for a shower?"


I, of course, didn't hesitate. Not surprisingly the shower started something that we finished back in bed.


<<<>>>


"Want me to warm up some coffee for you?" I called as she closed the bathroom door.


"Yes please." She answered in her sweet voice which sent a shiver down my back. "She will stay. There is no reason for her to leave. She obviously wants me and I sure want her, so why should she leave?"


She took her coffee with lots of cream and sugar just as she used to, but then she just sipped it and then grinned at me, and then sipped it again. And each time she grinned, I bubbled inside. It was really neat, but after five minutes of this, I overcame my joy and asked the question. "Are you going to stay here with me?" It came out strained, but I was lucky to get it out at all.


"Sure!" She grinned and the joy flashed through me, "I don't have to be back to school till Monday. We have plenty of time to arrange things."


It took me a few seconds to accept what she had just said, then I had to confirm it, "You are leaving Monday?"


"Sunday morning actually. I said I was studying theater arts. I'm in the best university in New York city for theater! It was tough but I got in and I'm doing really well. I love it! And I love New York City! It's like a Magic land." She hesitated for a moment looking at me. Must have been my expression. "You will come back to New York with me won't you? I mean you don't have anyone important here do you?" she added hesitantly.


"I have my career here. I have a band of talented guys who depend on me." For some reason it hadn't occurred to me that there was an option other than her staying or leaving.


"She wants me to go to New York of all places?"


"I'm sure there are lots of bands in New York who would love to have you sing with them." She said confidently.


"You have any idea how many bands I tried to get into before I hooked up with Maggot? It's not easy to get a singing job! Particularly with my kind of voice. And we work well together and I'm somebody here. People know me in this neighborhood. I would be nobody and nothing in New York! Why can't you switch schools to one around here? There have to be some great acting schools here in LA." I finished weakly.


"Aggie. I am in the best school there is and I am doing well. I like my teachers and they like me. There is no way I am going to switch to a different school... And I'm sure my dad wouldn't mind... Well, maybe he would..." She faded out.


"You haven't told him you like girls, right?"


"Well, no. I didn't think that was necessary just now. Not till I graduated and am on my own. He may not... approve. But I could just tell him you are my best friend and I'm sure he would try to help. You could sing with a decent band and not have to play "Dark Angel".


"I don't -play- Dark Angel Tiff. I -am- Dark Angel. This is me. And somehow I have a hunch your dad doesn't have much influence with the kind of bands that would like my singing. He just doesn't seem the type." The pain was burning, but I could take it. "So it seems she will leave me. In what...five days... Well this is the real world Agnes, not one of your fantasies, so you really should have expected it." The pain hadn't reached my center yet, but I knew it would after I had some time to really appreciate just what I was losing.


I looked back at Tiff and she didn't look happy anymore. "Come on! Don't be unreasonable! Don't you love me?" she pleaded.


"Of course I love you! I am so damn crazy about you I can hardly stand it! But my singing is me. It made me a person I can respect. It made me somebody. Do you have any idea how hard it was to get where I am? It was HELL! But I did it, and I'm proud that I didn't give up, and finally forced fate to give in and let me have something good for a change. How can I toss all that and start all over? Particularly in a big city. I never liked big cities." I finished weakly.


"From the time I decided to come here and spend my break looking for you I have been telling myself that I had lost you. Too much time had passed and you must have forgotten me by now. You would be happy with a girlfriend and wouldn't want me anymore. Or worse yet, you would just tell me how much you hated me and then kick me out. I was prepared for that. And then I would fantasize finding you still lonely and hurting and dreaming of me and I would rescue you. I would pull you out of your darkness and into the light and pour my love on you so you could open up and start enjoying the world. But I never expected...this. You don't reject me, but I can't rescue you. You love me, but not enough. Not enough to go with me."


"The same goes for you!" I came back. "You told me you loved me quite a few times last night. But you won't stay here with me?"


"This school made me a person. A real person separate and distinct from my mother. For the first time I wasn't following her. I had gotten in on my own and I'm doing really well without a bit of her "help"... Remember last night when you said that we had nothing in common but sex? You were wrong. We both have a life we made ourselves and are proud of."


"And don't want to lose." I added sadly.


"So it seems." she nodded. But then after a half a minute of sad silence she suddenly smiled and got perky. "I'll just clean up in here, okay?" It grated on my nerves but I just grunted and nodded.


But after watching her happily moving around my filthy kitchen for a bit I began to smile again, and even chuckle. I couldn't help it. The "Student Council President Homecoming Queen" was scrubbing the crap off my stove. It just struck me as funny...


"And we do have five days. We could have a lot of sex in five days. I might even be tired of her by then..." But the icy knife that suddenly twisted in my chest reminded me that this wasn't likely. "I finally have her. She loves me. I CAN'T give her up now! I just can't! But I can't imagine quitting maggot either. Those guys were like-" I started to think "brothers" but even thinking the word brought back hellish memories of my real brother. "Really close friends. Yeah. And I can't just dump them, no way!" It was an impossible situation. I knew that I couldn't stand losing Tiff but I also knew that I couldn't just drop my life when I had just climbed out of the sewer. "I don't want to suddenly be nobody again. Not when I've finally pulled myself up and made the world accept me as somebody. I'm Dark Angel and people look up to me. They love my singing. And they love me? Is that what scares me about leaving? Is it just losing my adoring fans? No. There is a lot more to it than that! I have a life that -I- built here! It was mine."


But then I went back to watching Tiff cleaning my kitchen and had to sigh. "She is so beautiful. And she could be mine. And she will no doubt be a famous actress one day... And then she is going to stay with the likes of me? Keep cleaning my kitchen? Not hardly. How the hell is a roach suppose to hold on to a butterfly? Sooner or later she will dump me. It was obvious. She may have this irrational attraction to me now, but she is still growing up. And when she grows out of this...crush...she'll be gone anyway. So why not be glad that I have the chance to give her up of my own free will instead of throwing my life away and then getting dumped back into the sewer." I had convinced myself. I was sure that this was best. I just had to get used to that damn icy knife in my chest.

<<<>>>


Once she had the kitchen looking respectable and had thrown out all the garbage in my fridge she dragged me to the supermarket, where she seemed to be buying the place out. "We only have five days, what if-" I stopped suddenly but it was too late.


"If you come with me?! Do you think you might? Even a chance?" I couldn't look at her face as I answered.


"No." It was tough talking with that knife twisting. "I'm going to stay here. It's best." I knew I had stuck my foot in it as soon as I said it, but it was too late.


"What do you mean, "It's best"? What's "best" about it?!" I looked back at her and she had tears in her eyes. "DAMMIT! I can't stand this!" exploded in my head and I turned away from her.


"You are going to be an actress! And you will be a good one too. And...I really don't see the famous actress keeping -me- around."


"You don't trust me?! You have no idea just how much I love you!" She announced to all the shoppers in the aisle who were now staring.


"This is a different Tiff than the quiet conservative girl I knew." rang in my head and twisted it. "And the way she is looking at me..."


"Please! Please Tiff. Don't look at me like that. I do love you! I really do!"


"Would you ladies like to this this discussion outside?" came from behind me, but I hardly heard the guy. My brain was frozen. No more words came to me so after a moment I grabbed her and kissed her. When we finally parted I noticed that no one was shopping in our aisle anymore.


"We'll talk about this more later, okay?" Tiff offered and I nodded glad that she would let me off the hook for now.


When we checked out I insisted on paying for half the food in spite of her protests.


<<<>>>


Back in my apartment, I kissed her some more but we didn't say much until the groceries were put away and she had started making us omelets. "So you still think I'll dump you if you come with me?" Since she sounded like she was honestly asking and really wanted to know what I was thinking I calmed myself and took a deep breath.


"Well, I was trying to look at our situation rationally. We are really different people. We grew up in different worlds. Every time I look at you the thought that creeps into my head is, "Why is she loving me? What could she possibly see in me?"


She gave a big sigh before answering. "I was hoping that now that you are a successful entertainer your self image would be better. But I guess it doesn't change that easily. Just like in school, you are blind to your own positive qualities."


"Right. What positive qualities?"


"To start with the obvious, I think you are very attractive." She said as if she was serious.


"You're kidding. I'm a too tall string bean with no figure, a big nose and a big mouth."


"You are just the right height for me, remember I am tall too. And I love your nose and mouth, along with your cute pointed ears they give you a magical elfin quality."


"Oh sure. I'm a little dark for an Elf and Elves don't have curly black hair and black eyes either. And my ears aren't that pointed. I think I look more like an Orc than an Elf."


"No way! I think you are very attractive. You're not just one of the ordinary people. You're special."


"Well, I'm different, I'll grant you that."


"That's a plus! Take me for instance."


"You're like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way!" I assured her with a painful smile.


"Stuff and nonsense!" She played the bit back at me. "I look like a plastic Barbie Doll. Just like all the other pretty girls. We all look the same. It's like I don't have any individuality. And I don't have my own personality either. I just play different parts depending on what the situation requires. I feel like there isn't any "ME" inside here!" She finished with both index fingers pointing at her forehead. "The only thing I have that is my own and special is my love for you. My magical Elf girl."


In spite of all the blackness and pain inside me I was stunned by her performance. For a moment there I almost believed her. Believed that I was special. But then I came to my senses. "Bullshit." I said calmly but she ignored this comment and continued talking.


"And then there is your poetry. I still have all the poems you gave me and I still read them over and over. They are so powerful, filled with a blackness darker than anything I could imagine as well as a beautiful light that fills me with joy. Do you still write them?"


"Sort of. I do the lyrics for Grunt's songs."


"Who?"


"Grunt. He's the song writer, and the drummer. Didn't you notice the short bald guy behind the drums?"


"Not really. I was just watching you. Once I recognized your voice, I was stunned by your performance. You certainly have lost your shyness."


"Oh yeah, that I did, and I developed a tough skin too. I've been kicked in the teeth a lot on my way to where I am now."


"So now are you beginning to understand how I see you? How very special you are to me?"


"It's still kind of difficult for me to swallow. Being special to you."


"Well, you are." Then she sighed and looked away before continuing. "What I am afraid of is that you are going to realize just how flat and uninteresting I am and get tired of me. All I really have is my looks and they won't last."


"Oh come on! You are my wildest fantasy come true! I bubble inside every time I look at you."


"Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. You are in love with my looks. That's a very poor basis for a long term relationship."


"So you are afraid that I will stop loving you! And that's why you don't want to mess your life up for me. You don't trust my feelings for you."


"Well...yeah." she admitted reluctantly. "And it seems I was right. You feel bubbly when you look at me. That is going to stop one day. Maybe one day real soon. And then you won't want to look at me anymore."


"Wait a damn second here! My feelings aren't all that shallow! It isn't just your looks. I mean if I met someone who was even more beautiful than you, it wouldn't matter. I get bubbly, not because you are so damn beautiful, but because you are you! You are really really special to me. I mean... last year I had this gorgeous girl who was nuts over me. Or rather over Dark Angel. But she was stupid! All she wanted to do was watch TV. You read books, write stories, always know what is going on in the world. And you can cook, right?"


"Right." She replied as she was checking the frying pan. "AHHH! I just burned your omelet..."


"Okay, then I guess you can't cook." I commented with a smile and she pretended to throw the frying pan at me. Then she was in my lap and kissing the hell out of me. "Oh, and you can sing too. I remember the junior class play, you sounded like an angel."


"I'm not a singer, I'm an actress! And don't you forget it!" she yelled at me then kissed me some more. "DAMN! I could get so used to this. But I can't. She's gonna leave."


<<<>>>


"So when did you decide you liked me?" she asked as we ate.


"Freshman year. Every time I caught sight of you, my insides flipped over."


"I noticed you. You weren't exactly subtle about it." She informed me with her usual sweet smile. "So you fell in love from afar?


"Nope. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you performing on a stage. I loved your voice and how expressive it was."


"Well, I was an actress even back then." She said with exaggerated smugness so I flipped a bit of my egg in her direction with my fork. "Missed!" she informed me of the obvious. "Then why didn't you say anything to me then?"


"That's a dumb question." Informed her.


"Yeah, I guess it is. You did seem rather shy back then."


"Shy and bullied. I didn't look like the other girls or sound like them so I was fair game. And I put up with it until my senior year. That's when I moved out on my own and developed a backbone."


"And you came up to me and asked if you could be my assistant."


"Yeah, I had just heard that some student council members had assistants and you didn't have one. So I gathered up all my nerve and asked.


"You still sounded really shy though."


"Only with you. By that time I was playing tough girl... So why did you take me on?"


"I liked your looks." When my eyebrows went up she continued. "Of course I didn't admit any such thing to myself. Not back then. I wouldn't dare. I knew that you were in the top ten percent of our class and I used that as an excuse to myself. But actually, I noticed early on how you would watch me and sometimes I would watch you. You seemed special in some way I didn't understand. And then there is your pointed ears."


"Yeah, everyone noticed them as soon as they made me take my hat off. That's how I got the nickname of "Spock." I didn't admit it to anyone but I liked Spock more than being called Agnes."


"You told me to call you Agg?"


"Well, I was trying to not seem too weird for you. Which was a waste of time of course since I'm a lot weirder now than I was then, and you don't seem to mind much." With this I waggled my eyebrows at her and she waggled her tongue back at me. I almost jumped her right there, but I was still hungry...for food that is. "So just when did you decide that you loved me?"


"That's real hard to say. I was shocked when you confessed to me, and it made me feel really guilty but I didn't know why. Or rather I refused to admit to myself why I felt so bad. But even after that disaster and the loss of my assistant I managed to maintain my control and keep playing my part. Young Miss Perfect."


"You were really good at that."


"I can still do it if you like." she offered with a grin.


"You better not! I like you much better as a real person."


Suddenly she lost her grin. "I'm not sure if I am a real person."


"Stuff that crap! I will testify in front of any court in the land that you are indeed a real person, and I have checked every square inch of you." I finished with a smile.


"I'm playing a part right now. I'm trying to be someone you can love." She said wistfully.


"It's working. I love you like crazy. But I also loved you back when you were playing "Miss Perfect" remember. So maybe it's not the part that you are playing that I love, but the "you" that is inside you."

 

"I wish that were true. I really do..."


"You were telling me about when you fell for me!" I distracted her from her stupid worries.


"I don't really know. Perhaps the first time I saw this exotic looking girl watching me with a strange look in her eyes. Perhaps not until we started talking. Or maybe I didn't really fall until after graduation when I tried to contact you and your dad said he didn't know where you were. That news seemed to stab me like a knife. All I know is when I finally knew for sure that I loved you."