Story: Messed Up (all chapters)

Toni Travis stood out the front of her new high school. She had only moved into the small town a week ago with her parents. The school being public had no choice but to take Toni. She watched the guys and girls walk passed her, some gave her a second glance whispering to each other.

Toni has an attitude problem, at least that was what her previous school put on her record. The school before that mention unresolved issues that reflect her stunted personality and failure to relate to her fellow students. It was all shit to Toni, just another new town, new school, but it won’t change the reception she will get.

Students will take one look at her appearance, dressed shabby, street clothes consisting of brown t’shirt, ripped jeans and a brown faded leather jacket. Her hair dyed jet black, style messy like it had been hacked short and never brushed. Because of this appearance she was assured that no one would want to take an interest in her which was how she liked it. What she was sure about, someone was bound to test her attitude, as well as take advantage of being the new kid, therefore susceptible to being picked on. It was only going to be a matter of time.

***

The morning went smoothly, her first class of the day pretty much guaranteeing anonymity from students.

Teacher walks in “Alright class quieten down, now we have a new student here with us today Toni Travis. Toni why don’t you tell us where you are from, likes and dislikes. Stand up please”

Toni ignored him at first, she lifted her eyes to him and looked around almost eyeballing each student. She got to her feet and sniffed

“yeh like he said, my parents travel lots, so come from nowhere in particular, likes.... nothing.... dislikes.... everything”

Toni sits down and drops her head doodling in her book

The teacher nods “ok... well thanks Toni... that’s very enlightening.”

Students giggled, one student who was sitting next to Toni especially. Toni leaned over towards the girl and just held her glare. “What’s so funny” she snarled

The girl stopped giggling and looked away.

Toni learnt a long time ago the quickest way to avoid confrontation was to be the one trying to incite it. This usually meant just staring someone down. Although she had attitude, she was not afraid to use it. She had if necessary given out beatings and also received her share as well.

Students by lunch time were talking about the new girl and the attitude she was giving off. Soon enough Toni knew someone would challenge her on that, thus giving her a reputation status.

At lunch Toni sat alone at a big table eating her meal. She looked around at students murmuring; she eyed off a group of girls staring and narrowed her eyes. They quickly turned around, but continued to whisper amongst themselves.

Toni’s eyes roamed again until they met with another set, a girl sitting with two boys. She was petite from a quick glance and looked like a girl with attitude. Part of her face obscured due to the fact she was wearing her hood up. Then the two boys turned around and returned the stare. Toni knew this was it, with no doubt in her mind she would be meeting them before the end of the school day. The boys turned back to the girl and dropped their heads as if listening.

Toni took a breath and stood up. “Best get this over with” she murmured to herself.

She walked past the group and out of the lunch room. She walked slowly down the corridor with students moving in and out of rooms. Toni was quickly grabbed from behind and dragged into an empty classroom. She was thrown against the wall, hand over her mouth. The two boys had paid her a visit, but the girl was not with them.

“Well well, we have ourselves a new girl” says the blonde kid

“Think your tough wearing street gear huh, lookin’ all messed up” the red haired kid flicked Toni in the head.

Toni remained calmed happy to take their crap.

“So what shit have you got on ya, mobile phone, money.” The blonde went to touch her

Toni struggled hard requiring both guys to restrain her “uhhhh a fighter....” the blonde pulls a knife on her and points it at her

“I’ll cut you up bitch” he trailed the knife down her shirt “or maybe I might just play”

Toni snarled, grabbed his hand with the blade and drove the knife straight into his thigh. Toni elbows the red head kid in the face breaking his nose, blood pouring down his face. Toni’s hand covers the blonde kid’s mouth to stop him crying out. He was trying to remove the deeply wedged knife, blood pouring through his pants. She now forces him to the wall

“No one touches me..... then no one gets hurt. You touch me.....” Toni hand grips the blonde kids wound, squeezing out more blood and inflicting more pain. “I will hurt you.”

The red head was about to pounce when Toni snarled “You move a muscle, I will take his knife and cut your fucking throat.”

He believed the threat and stopped.

The blonde kid tears flowing, his cries muffled. Toni still had her hand on his wound. She pushed back and he fell to the floor.

“ahhh fuck fuck fuck” he stammer grabbing at his knife.

Toni left the classroom and looked at the near vacant corridor. She looked down at her hand that was covered with blood. She headed back into the lunchroom and looked around. Sitting in the same spot was the girl who obviously sent her thugs to do the welcoming.

Toni casually walked up, the girl unaware of her. Toni put her bloody hand down in front of the girl, leaning on her magazine. Toni leans in closer and hisses in the girl’s ear.

“Don’t send others to do what you are afraid to do, that’s just makes you gutless and pathetic. Their blood is on your hands.”

The lunchroom had hushed watching the outcome of the quiet confrontation. The girl looked up at Toni not offering anything. Her eyes cold, she displayed no emotion or even acknowledging Toni had spoken. Toni removed her hand and walked away.

The girl scoffed at her comment then looked down at her magazine. The shape of a handprint in blood stained her magazine. She lifts her eyes again, this time fire raged in them and she got up on her table and ran across to the next one, and the next.

Toni was almost out the door when someone jumped on her back bringing her down. Toni tried to get up but was rolled over and punched twice in the face. Toni was about to retaliate when the girl was dragged kicking and screaming off Toni.

The lunchroom had come alive, jeering from the other students with commotion of the fight

Toni got up and was about to go after her when she was also physically restrained. Both were dragged by security to the principal’s office.

Both girls sat outside the principal’s office, opposite each other. They each had a security member not far to prevent any further confrontations

Toni moved her jaw around, it ached from the punches. She also touched her lip, after tasting the blood.

The girl smirked at her “more where that’s coming from”

“Is that’s the best you can do barbie doll” retorted Toni

“Ohh I can do fuck more than that, they just held me back” nods to the security

“Really, hey thanks guys for protecting me from evil barbie over there.” Toni laughs hard “oooohh evil barbie... I’m so scared” she throws her hands up in sarcasm.

The girl flew out her seat towards Toni only to be caught in flight. Toni didn’t flinch, remained calmed, seated and just smiled. The principal came in the middle of the commotion and ordered them both in to his office.

Both slouched down in front of the principal’s desk.

The principal huffed “it’s only the first day and I get you two idiots fighting.”

Both shrugged

“Lauren I don’t understand why you bother coming back to school.” He huffed “you hardly attend classes, you didn’t even pass last year... so why bother.”

Lauren arms firmly cross “well you have to provide me with an education, it’s the law. You can’t discriminate because”

“Oh shut up” barked the principal at Lauren. “As for you Toni, I was hoping we would get off on the right foot unlike your last school.”

Toni offered no references to her previous actions. “Your parents assured me that you would make more of an effort.”

“My parents shouldn’t make promises I can’t keep.”

“Do I need to get them down here to go over things we discussed last weekend?”

Toni shook her head

“I didn’t think so. You only have one more strike Toni.... then you know what comes next.”

Lauren looked over at Toni trying to get some read on her

“alright so what started it” he asked

Lauren said nothing, in fact looked away in defiance

“Toni..... I want to know what caused it.”

“Ok”

Lauren glared at her, although they had had an altercation, it was an unwritten rule, a code not to dob in the other.

“She made a pass at me, and I knocked her back... she was offended and jumped me.”

Lauren screamed at Toni “you fucking liar, I never did anything like that.”

“You jumped at me from the table”

“yeh, but it had nothing to do with hitting on you, shit head.”

The principal banged the table “quiet... enough” he took a breath trying to clam himself. “Regardless..... you both have an hour’s detention after school “anymore trouble and I will throw both of you out permanently.”

They left the office and wandered out into the corridor

“See you in detention Lauren” spoke Toni sweetly

“I don’t attend classes, and I don’t do detentions wanker”

“whatever” walks away from Lauren

“Next time we meet, it’s going to hurt” threatens Lauren

Toni faces Lauren “You have caused enough pain to your underlings today, let’s just keep out of each others way.”

They left in opposite directions

---

4.00pm Toni was sitting in a vacant classroom all by herself. It seems even the teacher didn’t bother to turn up supervise detention. She looked out the class window, the rain was pelting down. Her eyes focused on someone standing outside the window looking at her.

Toni got up and headed to the window. The girl she had a confrontation with earlier was standing in the rain, her hood up. Lauren was looking at her and of insolence held up her middle finger.

Toni grinned and opened the window

Lauren laughs at her “you’re a fucking wanker Toni..... nobody goes to detention....”

“I like detention.... it gives me extra time away from my anal retentive parents....”

“really.... my heart bleeds.”

Lauren’s clothes were soaked and Toni found it amusing

“You know Lauren, I might be a fucking wanker...... but I’m happy to be a dry fucking wanker.... than a wet idiot.... like you”

Lauren growled “it’s not over..... you and me will meet again. Watch your back”

Toni eyes narrowed at the threat “oh.... so this means you are going to take another gutless and pathetic approach to me again.”

Lauren ran off

---

If was after 5pm Toni was on her way home. The rain had stopped but it was still cold. She put her collar up on her old leather jacket and walked home. Her head phones on and head down as she trudged the 45 minute walk.

A loud, black sedan sped past her before braking suddenly. The car’s tyres spun on the wet road, then reversed. Toni finally took notice but it was too late and the car screeched to a halt in front of her.

Toni’s instinct was to run as she noticed heads in the car. The guy in the passenger seat got out and within a step grabbed her by the jacket and slammed her to car the hard. The guy seemed older than school age, stank of alcohol and extremely angry. He grabbed Toni’s face hard, then punches her in the stomach. She tried to double over but he held her up

“You little fucking bitch..... nobody messes with my girl.”

Toni anxious at the situation looks over to see the two boys she had an altercation with early. The blonde kid, pants stained with blood, the red head swollen eye.

The guy punches her across the face, sending Toni across the bonnet and onto the ground. “and you want to mess about with my boys, that’s going to cause you pain as well.”

Toni is dragged up and sees who is in the driver’s seat, it was Lauren. She sat there smiling and waved to her.

The guy pulls Toni around and takes a gun from his jeans and points it at her face. Toni in a daze just stares at it.

Lauren jumps from the car “Ritchie.... no.... c’mon that’s enough”

“Piss off..... I told you I’d take care of this little bitch.”

“yeh but you didn’t say anything about bringing a gun.” Lauren shocked at the loss of control by Ritchie

“Yeh Ritchie, you’re only suppose to scare her” spoke the red

“Well plans have changed” Ritchie sneers at Toni “someone needs to teach you a lesson permanently”

Lauren grabbed Ritchie “no.... Ritchie not like this”

Toni calmed her breathing and touched the gun

Ritchie hit her with it “don’t touch my piece”

Toni sucked the blood from her split lip “I was only trying to relocate the weapon to my heart... that’s all.”

“What... afraid mess up your ugly face.”

Toni still calm and serious “no.... I would prefer the heart because I know it would be a clean kill. It would be quick.... and you can be ... gone... that’s all.”

“huh” Ritchie looked at Toni, then at the other guys in disbelief

“I’m saying.... I’m ready.... Ritchie.....” Toni puts hands in her pockets and leans her chest against the gun

“You want me to kill you.” Sprays Ritchie

“Well it’s what you’ve come to do...... yes. Only my parents would miss me..... but then again” she shrugs as if it didn’t matter

No one moved, Toni eyed each one.

“Ritchie” spoke Toni calmly

“Ritchie, don’t do it” spoke Lauren

“You're bluffing” sneers Ritchie

Toni sat on the bonnet “am I, well there is only one way to find out......”

Ritchie cocked his pistol

“Ritchie noooo” yelled Lauren

“Will you shut up Lauren.” Growled Toni “fuck sake Ritchie.... tic toc.... “

Ritchie wasn’t sure he wanted to do it now, so he pulled back his gun. Toni grabs it with him, and squeezes the trigger.

Lauren screamed as the gun went off. Ritchie had quickly pulled it away from Toni, the bullet hitting the ground.

“You fucking, stupid, crazy bitch” spat Ritchie

Toni still sitting on the bonnet not surprised, devoid of any emotion towards what happen

“You could have shot yourself.” Ritchie gasped

“well yeh, that was the point.” Scoffs Toni

“You are one fucked up bitch” spat the red head

“Ritchie let’s just go” Lauren tried to drag Ritchie

“You are fucking crazy....” he laughs. He now eyes her over, impressed by her composure... her coolness. “Lauren tells me you been in trouble at school before”

Toni looks at Lauren “yeh....amongst other things”

Ritchie looks at Toni’s hands seeing her dirty nails, scars from burns on her hands. “Do you know how to boost cars?”

“Why? you lost your keys” Toni replied

“I have this business.... and need someone to do the job since I seem to be surrounded by idiots.” Looking at the two boys “so can you boost cars?”

“yep”

“Been caught”

“Few times, but I leant from my mistakes”

“How”

“Ritchie, forget her” whines Lauren

“Will you shut up bitch, this is business” spat Richie

“I learnt that when I steal a car, to make sure there is petrol in the tank.”

“Well you wanna earn some cash, meet me tonight and I’ll see if you got what it takes. You up for it?”

“Sure” Toni climbs down “so is that it”

“For now”

“Ritchie... she sticks me in the leg with a knife and you give her a job” whines the blonde

“Josh.... “ growled Ritchie

Toni smirked “Well you did pull the knife on me Josh” said Toni softly “and technically you were the one that stuck it in your leg”

“You forced it there” Josh yelled

Ritchie laughed “you stabbed yourself, with your own knife... “

“She helped” he whines, knowing it sounded lame

“let’s go” ordered Ritchie “see you tonight Toni, don’t be late.”

Toni sees Lauren about to walk away “hey Lauren”

Lauren looked back. Toni punched her, knocking her to the ground. Lauren put a hand to her lip looking at the blood. She jumped up, Ritchie got involved again.

“What is your fucking problem?” he spits at Toni

Toni points at Lauren “She knows.... it’s for the cheap shot she took at me during lunch. That only leaves one more”

Lauren went for Toni, but Ritchie grabbed “whoooa baby girl.... if that’s so then you deserved it. Pay backs a bitch”

Lauren sneered, about to say something when Ritchie orders

“Get in the car.” Ritchie turned attention back to Toni “As for you, don’t be doing that again. I don’t like my girlfriend in bruises, unless I’ve put them there myself.”

---

Under a street light Ritchie looks at his watch reading 10.20pm.

“Here she comes” said Josh

Toni strides over standing in front of Ritchie

“yer late” growled Ritchie

“uh huh... sorry”

They all get into the black sedan. Toni in back with Josh and the red head.

“So you got a name” Toni spoke to the red head

“yeh.... and it’s none of your business”

“fuck sake Seth.....” spat Ritchie... “this isn’t the secret service you tosser”

The car pulls up in a street, Toni and Seth get out. Ritchie nods over to a car other side of the road.

“Your fucking kidding, I’m not doing that” whines Seth looking at the car parked outside police station.

Ritchie looks at Toni “well”

Toni looks around then casually walks off, Seth follows but Toni stops him.

“You look suspicious, because you’re acting suspicious. I’ll do this alone and pick you up around the corner, now just keep walking.”

“You don’t tell me what to do” he spat

Toni leans into him and growls “If you don’t want to get arrested shit head, start walking now”

Seth looked at the black sedan as it moved away slowly. He followed it on foot. Toni walked slowly towards the car, she reached into her jacket pocket and pulls out her knife flicking it open. Her breathing quickens, her air was visible from the coldness. She walked up to the driver’s side, her eyes searched the door of the police station.

She felt the car and it was cold, so the driver didn’t seem to be coming back any time soon. She put the knife into the lock took a breath and punched it, followed by a quick twist, the driver’s locked popped open. Toni’s eyes still looking about while she opened the door slightly, allowing herself to sit in. She pulled the door close, then puts her knife under the steering wheel column and jimmied open the cover. Someone walked out of the police station towards the car. She swallowed nervously until the person walked by.

She ripped the cover off the steering column, pulled out her small torch and looked at the wires. She striped two sets and twisted them together. She jammed her knife into the ignition and twisted it. The car stalled on first go.

“fuck” she spat. She twisted the knife again and gave the car more accelerator. It came alive; Toni puts the car into 1st gear and drove off at sensible pace not wanting to draw attention. She rounded the corner seeing Seth waiting.

He waved to her. Toni drove passed a little then stopped. He ran to the car and as he went to open Toni drove off a little further. He started to get vocal so Toni let him in finally.

“You’re a cunt Toni” Seth growled

“I’ve been called worse Seth”

---

Toni waits outside an old storage warehouse as the door to large garage opened. Toni reversed the car in until it was parked next to Lauren’s black sedan.

Josh still limping pulled the door to the garage close, the lights came on.

“Took you long enough” laughs Ritchie

Toni gets out and shrugs

Seth went around the push Toni hard “you fucking cunt, making me run after the car. You could have got us busted.”

Toni laughs “Hey if you got caught, was because you were acting guilty dickhead”

Seth went to push but Ritchie grabbed him and threw him to the car “Get get a grip and get a sense of humour Seth”

They all walked up stairs through a door leading into Ritchie’s, messy, dirty apartment. The rooms contain boxes of stolen goods, TVs, DVD players, video consoles, bikes. The whole apartment was tiny, consisting of only TV room, kitchen, shower/toilet and one bedroom. Windows were blacken so no one on the street could see in.

Ritchie grabbed beers from his fridge and went to hand one to Toni “hang on, how old are you.... can’t serve alcohol of underage.” He grins

Toni laughs “18” and takes her beer

They sit down and drink. Lauren didn’t say much, she was not keen on Toni joining their little gang

“So tell us about you” Ritchie spoke

Toni played with her beer “parents moved to this town, I came too”

Seth grabbed the water bong from behind the couch and pulls out some hash. He lit up, sucking in all he could. They passed it around a few times. The mood had relaxed, all laughing except Lauren.

Ritchie’s hand was all over Lauren’s body, and down her shirt holding her breast “still waiting Toni. You ain’t getting another puff” holding back the hash

Toni rolled her eyes “fine.... I got kicked out of my school... so I’m here.”

Lauren scoffed “You don’t leave towns just cos you got booted from school. What did you do? hit a teacher.”

Toni looked at her. “I stole his car, drove it into the school building up to his room and parked it for him.”

Josh and Seth laughing “what... you what, through the building”

“yep... I was having a bad day.”

Ritchie still held the stuff back from her “Lauren tells me you have one more strike.... what’s with that.”

Toni looked at Lauren surprised she took any notice “It means if I fuck up one more time, I go to juvenile detention for the last 2 years of my probation”

Josh eyes widen “jail.... shit what did you do?”

Toni held her smirk but then laughed “I ran the teacher down in his car while I was parking it outside his classroom” she rolled over laughing “broke his leg, hip. I also hurt some other students during my PMT moment”

Ritchie gave her the bong “wow... but you’re 18 now , it’s no longer juvenile detention, it’s the real thing.”

Toni laughed “I know..... isn’t that hilarious” she cracked up again

All the boys laughed. Lauren got up “yeh hilarious.... “ walks off to the bathroom

Toni leans forward to whisper and all the boys did as well “I don’t think she likes me” points to Lauren

Throughout the night and early morning Toni found out that Ritchie was 25 and had already been to prison for receiving stolen goods, stealing and selling stolen cars. He had been out 6 months. Lauren was 17 and has been with Ritchie for 4 months. Seth and Josh were 17, and did whatever Ritchie and Lauren told them to do.

Ritchie grabs more beers, Lauren returned and sat in his lap.

“So what’s with the fucking death wish” asked Lauren

“We all have to die sometime..... I don’t plan to be around forever.”

“Sounds like someone’s not getting enough love from their mummy and daddy” she laughs

Toni lowers her tone, stares at her “what would you know”

She scoffs “As if you would try to kill yourself, huh.... I mean how do you plan to do it? You’re just bullshitting, give us a break”

Toni looked at each one “well I don’t plan on being here next year. What I can’t decide is whether to use my father’s pistol to blow my brains out while sitting in his beautiful leather chair, or use my mum’s sleeping pills and gas myself in her car.”

Seth eyes widen “You hate your parents that much”

“I hate everything” she looks at Seth

Ritchie laughed and Lauren scoffed “yeh right”

Ritchie stood up “right, out you lot.... you bitch, in my bed now”

Lauren got up “if you say so Ritchie” and walks off happily

Next day at school during lunch Toni rested her head on her arm at the table, she was severely hung over from all the alcohol and dope she smoked last night.

Seth, Josh and Lauren arrived at the lunchroom “there she is” Seth pointed and walked towards her, Josh in tow.

“What.... we don’t have to sit with her” spat Lauren

“Ritchie said keep an eye on her” Josh dragging his leg

Toni’s eyes shut when she jolted awake by people sitting at her table. She looked up and acknowledged the boys and glanced over at Lauren next to her.

Lauren didn’t acknowledge her, just ate her meal

“So tonight” spoke Seth excitedly

“sssshhhhh” hushed Lauren

“We meet at Ritchie’s tonight...... 9pm” said Seth

“What are we doing?” asked Toni

“You will do... what you are told to do” growled Lauren quietly

Toni smirked “are you still sick on me over that punch yesterday”

The boys scoffed and Toni looked around then back to Lauren trying to get a rise from her.

Lauren took a mouthful of her orange juice then poured the remaining contents on Toni’s lunch plate, soaking her food. Lauren got up and left the lunch room

Toni looked at the boys and laughed “I take that as a yes”

Seth and Josh laughed. Toni grabbed Lauren’s plate and ate her remaining lunch

---

The black sedan idled slowly into a street. All Ritchie’s gang were looking, waiting for the go.

“There... stop” ordered Ritchie

Toni got out and Seth went to follow. “I got this one” said Ritchie

They walked over to the car parked in drive way.

Lauren’s eyes narrowed, her eyes flaring with jealously

“Someone’s got a new best friend” teased Josh

Lauren turned around and punched him “shut the fuck up you prick”

Seth tried unsuccessfully to hide his snigger; one glare from Lauren made it happen.

Toni was about to drive her knife into the lock then stopped “shit” she hissed

Ritchie walked up next to her.

“What’s taking them so long?” asked Seth

Lauren gasped when she could see Ritchie leaning into Toni “he wouldn’t fucking dare”

Josh gasped “He’s going to kiss her; right in front of you Lauren... oh poor taste Richie

Ritchie leaned in for a closer look into the car. A red light flashing indicating it was armed with an immobilizer and possible alarm.

“shit shit” spat Toni again

“No problem Toni, give me your flash light”

The group in the black sedan waiting anxiously, Lauren finally breathed sigh relief when Toni handed her flash light to Ritchie, and no kiss became of it.

Both Ritchie and Toni were on the ground. Ritchie moved underneath the car quietly, the light flashing around. “Where is it....aahhh there you are.”

Toni looks around nervously “Ritchie, cmon”

Ritchie slipped out with a small box and wires. “Now you should be right Toni”

---

The silver Nissan skyline raced against the black sedan in game of cat and mouse. Toni tried to overtake Lauren but she kept cutting her off. “Fucking hell” laughs Toni

Ritchie laughs as well “she’s fucking good in bed... and fucking unbelievable on the road.”

Toni smirked at the comment.

Both cars now parked back in Ritchie’s garage and all stood around admiring the silver machine.

“I’ll get 15 grand for her.” Ritchie hits Toni on the back “good job Toni, ok guys let’s get her ready” nodding to the car

Seth and Josh went in separated directions. Toni didn’t know what to do. Ritchie kissed Lauren then faced Toni.

“Number plates..... change them with ones from the back wall.”

Toni walked away while Ritchie and Lauren kissed openly

“You don’t honestly trust her.... do you Ritchie?” asked Lauren

“Hey... she’s good at her craft, she has edge.... cool under pressure”

“So I guess you’ll be screwing her next huh” Lauren went to leave

Ritchie grabbed her roughly “hey... “ points at her “I am not screwing anyone but you baby... and she isn’t my type. Anyway Seth’s keen on her and he can have her.”

Toni grabbed the plates and turned around to have Seth in her face. “So you need a hand” touches her face.

Toni pushed past him abruptly causing him to step back into some paint cans.

Ritchie and Lauren watch the events “and he has a lot of work cut out before that bitch will give it up.”

Lauren kisses Ritchie “so you love me then”

“I let you sleep in my bed, right sweetheart. Now be a good woman and get us our beers.”

Toni was trying to get the number plate off the back of the car. The electric screwdriver would take the screws. She tried again.

“Get out the way” barked Lauren

Toni got up and grabbed her beer that was shoved into her hands “they are locking screws; you have to break them off.”

Lauren gets a large screw driver and hammer. She leans the screwdriver against the screw and smacks it hard twice. The screws snap and the numberplate falls off

“Oh” Toni wasn’t aware of that “ok then”

“Give me the number plate and screws. I don’t want to be here all fucking night.”

Toni looked up at the clock 10.40pm. She grins to herself and hands her the plate. Lauren without looking puts it in place, screws it down without a second look then stands up.

“Doesn’t take a graduate to do something like this” mocks Lauren

Toni puts a hand over her mouth to cover her smirk. She looks at Josh and Seth and nods them over.

Lauren grabs her beer and hears the chorus of laughter. She faces them “what”

Lauren hated it when Toni smirked and stormed over. She looked at the number plate, it had been screwed on upside down “what the fuck”

“I ummm think it’s upside down” says Toni as seriously as possible

The boys were sniggering

“You fucking handed it to me that way... you stupid bitch”

“Takes one graduate to know one I guess. I’ll just rearrange it for you... and Ritchie won’t even have to know” she continues on with the taunting.

Lauren explodes, smashes her beer bottle and holds it to Toni’s neck.

The boys back away “Shit Lauren. It was just a bit of fun” says Josh

“Yeh calm down” added Seth

Ritchie came out from his tool room to see the commotion

“what the fucks going on”

Lauren’s eyes bored into Toni’s, she never lowered the jagged bottle from Toni’s throat. Toni swallowed nervously, she didn’t doubt Lauren would have sliced her throat if Ritchie hadn’t come out.

Ritchie storms over and grabs the broken bottle from Lauren tossing it aside “fuck sake stop acting like idiots and get this car ready.”

The Skyline was all but done when Toni looked at the nice set of mag wheels on the Skyline and that of Lauren’s black sedan. “hey.... why don’t we put these wheels from this car onto Lauren’s, there ‘bout the same” yelled out Toni

Ritchie looked at it and thought about it “huh... ummmm hey baby you want new set mags for your car.”

Lauren nodded

“Ok it’s your birthday present.”

“My birthday was 2 weeks ago”

“Yeh and I said I will get you a present, and now I have.

Seth and Toni changed all the wheels and within half an hour Lauren’s car had sparkling new set of mags.

“Sweet” spoke Seth

“yeh... she looks fully-sick now” commented Toni. She smiles at Lauren.

Lauren just turned her back and walks away.

Seth leaned in “I wouldn’t wait for a thank you.”

It was after 11pm, the gang had been smoking dope and drinking. Seth tried to kiss Toni, but she just pushed him away. “Oh come on babe”

The next attempt he scored a kiss, Toni then pushed him away harder and he fell back laughing.

Lauren came from the bedroom dressing. She grabbed her keys and headed to the door.

“Can I jag a ride with you?” asked Toni

Lauren looked at her “get your own way home”

Toni nodded

“Lauren” growled Ritchie in the door way

“what.... I’m not a fucking taxi service Ritchie”

“fucking hell Lauren she bloody well changed your wheels, least you could do is drop her home.”

Lauren looked at Toni “fine”

Toni was pissed and stoned. She fell against Lauren’s car, finding it difficult to open the door. Lauren got out and shoves her aside and opens if for her.

“Get in dickhead” she growled

Toni watched Lauren drive

Lauren looked over “what.... stop fucking staring at me”

Toni laughed “I can’t help it..... you’re just so funny when you’re angry”

“Shut up” warns Lauren

“and how hot does your ride look with these new wheels.” She whistles

Lauren shook her head not wanting to listen to the rants of a stoned idiot

“Are you still angry with me Lauren?” whines Toni in small voice “you still can’t be”

Lauren looked at her passenger “just shut the fuck up”

Toni put hand over her mouth.... “Ok” she muffled “not another word, promise” talking into her hand

Lauren was trying really hard to stay mad. She was about to growl at her again when she notice Toni had fallen asleep. A smile had crept to Lauren’s face.

Toni was being pushed “wake up..... isn’t this your street”

Toni opened her eyes “huh.... oh yeh”

“Toni.... get out”

Toni yawns “ok ok”

Lauren not happy that Toni was not moving quick enough, leaned over and opened the door.

Lauren looked at her and Toni sneered “hey Lauren”

Lauren looked at her “what” and cringed when she saw Toni’s fist come at her.

Toni softly punched Lauren in the arm. Lauren scoffed “is that the best you can do” smiling for the first time

“Well the second punch you landed was a tad on the soft side, only fitting I give it back as soft.”

“Oh really, time you left” pushes Toni hard and she fell out of the car. Toni closed the door.

Lauren drove off laughing.

Toni went inside when mother called out “Toni where have you been.....”

Toni rolled her eyes “school project mum”

“ok” was her reply not wanting an explanation for her daughter being home near 1am.

Toni headed down the hallway to her room and closed the door. She collapsed on the bed smiling. She had broken through with Lauren and her parents still didn’t give a fuck about her. She was happy with her new criminal family.

Toni drifted from class to class as part of her usual school routine. She then sat on the toilet finishing her cigarette. When she left the toilet block she could see some guy getting in Lauren’s face. He had her trapped against the lockers, pointing his finger menacingly.

Toni watched for a moment, Lauren didn’t seem to be concerned in fact she just looked around then grabbed her earphones and stuck them in her ears and tried to walk away. He grabbed her and pushed her back to the lockers. She struggled this time

Toni clenched her jaw and strolled over.

“You fucking owe me 40 dollars bitch, now pay up” said the student

Lauren shrugged “I said I will get your stuff, just waiting from my supplier now bugger off.”

He was about to start again when someone grabbed him by the throat and rammed him hard into the lockers. Toni inches from his face “you got a problem.... huh”

The student stutters “she owes me my stash, fucking bitch”

The guy doubled over from Toni’s punch, she grabbed his throat again and squeezed tighter. His face going red

“And I’m sure she will get it to you, just have a little patience. I don’t want to be talking to you about this again.” Toni unclenched her hand.

The student took some deep breath. “now go” ordered Toni

Toni happy at her heroics faced Lauren expecting acknowledgment

“What the fuck do you think you’re were doing, huh, why can’t you mind your own business” she spat

“I was just..... helping, you looked like”

“I don’t need your help, so stay out of my way. Just cos you’re Ritchie’s favourite flavour of the month doesn’t mean you and I can be friends. Stay out of my way.” Lauren pushes passed her.

Toni watches Lauren storm off and smirks to herself “you’re welcome”

---

It was after 10pm one night, Ritchie, Lauren and Toni were leaning against a wall looking at the black SUV they had spied as their next target. The street was still busy so they just waited.

“Where’s Seth and Josh” asked Toni

Lauren shrugged “Josh leg still hurting and Seth had to visit sick grandma”

“tossers” spat Ritchie.

Toni was resting against the shop still waiting for a clearing of traffic. Toni faced the shop window, a jewellery shop. The windows were empty. She walked along and looked at the illuminated sign advertising gold, diamond bracelets. She tried to peer through the window

Ritchie looked over “what are you doing, there is nothing there. Focus on the car Toni”

Toni looked around “right.....”

They all walked over to the SUV, Ritchie opened the door and Toni got it started. She looked back at the shop.

“What is it Toni” asked Lauren. She had never seen Toni focussed on anything but cars. Tonight she seemed distracted by this shop.

“I bet there is jewellery behind that advertisement in the window”

“There isn’t, now get in.....” barks Ritchie

Toni looked again and at Lauren.

“Well only one way to find out” says Lauren and goes over to the window.

Ritchie got out and tried to grab Lauren. Toni also over at the window when Lauren threw her small iron bar at the window. It shattered, she brushed away the glass.

“Jackpot” says Toni

Both Toni and Lauren grab handfuls of the jewellery putting it into their pockets.

Sirens were heard in the distance. They all jumped into the car and drove off.

Once back in Ritchie’s workshop both girls emptied their pockets. “Fuck me” says Toni, “look at this stuff.” Admiring watches, bracelets, chains and rings

Toni was grabbed and thrown to the wall “don’t you ever pull a stunt like that again. It’s about the cars.... not shit like this”

“Ritchie.... let it go.... this stuffs worth more than your car.” Lauren held up gold and diamond bracelet “don’t you think this will look pretty on me” holding it against her hand

“Nothing looks pretty on you bitch” he growls. He grabs the stuff and puts it in a bag

“Hey I want that” whines Lauren

“What I want is for this car to be stripped” points at Toni “do it” he turns his attention to Lauren grabbing her “and as for you, you know what I want ....” drags her up to his apartment

Toni finished the car and heads to Ritchie’s apartment. She creeps quietly into his kitchen, helps herself to a beer and as she leaves, sees the door to Ritchie’s room was slightly ajar. She watches for a moment as Ritchie was riding Lauren hard. Thrusting in and out, his hand grabbing Lauren’s head

“Fuck yeh, that’s it baby....I’m gonna fuck you hard.” Ritchie hisses to Lauren

Toni thought he saw Lauren flinch as if in pain. She walked off towards the TV room “animal” she whispered under her breath. She watches TV until she fell asleep

Lauren climbs out of Ritchie's bed. She was in discomfort from Ritchie’s forcefulness. She dressed and crept out. She walked towards the door, stepped back to see Toni asleep on the couch.

She pushed her “hey.... Toni.... Toni”

Toni opened her sleepy eyes “huh, what”

“cmon let go, I’ll drop you home”

Toni followed.

Toni occasionally glanced over at Lauren, she looked wasted and sad.

“are you alright?”

Lauren didn’t answer at first “yeh, just tired...”

They sat in silence until Lauren pulled up in her street “your stop I believe”

Toni didn’t move at first. “Give me your wrist”

“what.... why”

Toni reached for it; Lauren pulled away “what is your problem”

Toni growled and reached into her pocket showing the bracelet that Lauren liked, which Toni had swiped from Ritchie’s stash.

“Are you crazy, he’ll kill you”

“so..... what’s one more death wish.” Toni grabs Lauren’s wrist and puts it on.

Lauren smiles “it’s....” she looked at Toni

“Ritchie’s right you’re not pretty”

Lauren face scowled

“But when you where this, it’s just beautiful.... on you.... you are.” She stammered her words

Lauren smiled and looked at it again, then back to Toni

“You’re not hitting on me are you?” she asked

“What... me.... fuck noooooo..... look I was just.... look forget it” Toni stumbling over her words.

Toni opened the door when Lauren grabbed her jacket “thank you, at least someone has taste”

Toni watches Lauren drive off. She eventually crashes into bed and moans as she replayed Lauren’s question. She had no feelings for anyone, but when she thought about Lauren she was beautiful when she smiled. Although she didn’t smile too often, when she did it was genuine. She drifted off to sleep with Lauren on her mind

---

One afternoon Toni was sitting up in the stands of the school’s basketball stadium. She was waiting for Lauren to collect the money she had got from selling the bags of dope.

She was a little anxious, not the fact she was carrying around nearly 800 dollars, not the fact it was all illegal, that gave her a buzz. The fact was Lauren was going to sit next to her closely and they would exchange the money secretly. Her hand would have to touch Lauren’s in the exchange and that excited her more than anything. Her eyes divert to the doorway waiting for Lauren and she walked in, she nodded at Toni

Toni could feel her heart racing.

Lauren walked along the court while the school’s senior girl’s team were training. She bumped into one of the players and knocked over their water bottles. “watch out you idiot” spat Lauren

The taller girl walked over “hey... you need to watch where you’re going, and pick up the shit you knocked over”

“Fuck off” Lauren standing her ground.

A few more girls moved in on Lauren

Toni watched “uh oh.” Even if she intervened, she knew her and Lauren would be no match against the 8 or so players.

Toni walked down towards the heated situation

“Bout time someone bought you down a peg or two Lauren” said the defiant basketballer

“yeh bring it on shit for brains” antagonised Lauren

Just as the girl went for Lauren, Toni got between them and held them apart. “ok ok, lets just take a moment. This was all a misunderstanding... we’re gone” Toni grabbed Lauren and pulled her away

Lauren shook Toni away “I’m not letting that big, fucking bitch push me around”

“Lauren, she won’t push you around, she will bury you now come on” Toni grabbed at her again

“I am not afraid.” Lauren fights at Toni

“and you’re not very smart, now come on” Toni pushes Lauren harder, then ends up dragging her bodily into the change room

Lauren wasn’t strong enough to get free of Toni “let me go..... I can take care of myself”

Toni pushed her to the lockers “I know that..... but sometimes you just need to let things go”

“Fuck off, just cos you’re afraid”

“I’m not afraid Lauren, I just didn’t feel like taking on the entire women’s basketball team ok. “

“I don’t need your help” she went to leave but Toni put her hand against the locker blocking her exit

Lauren stared at Toni not sure what to do. Toni took a breath then leaned in and kissed Lauren for a brief moment. She was sure Lauren was returning the kiss then she was shoved away hard.

Toni then doubled over and fell to her knees from the hard punch Lauren had delivered to her stomach. She was gasping for air

“What is your fucking problem” she wiped her mouth “you are so fucked up Toni, do I look like a guy?”

Toni still trying to catch her breath, she was blushing from embarrassment for her lost of self control

“You stay away from me” Lauren ran out the change rooms

Toni got to her feet and rested against the locker regretting what she did. She was more afraid that Lauren would tell Ritchie and the other boys. She hoped that Lauren was too embarrassed and would keep Toni’s indiscretion to herself.

---

Toni rocked up at Ritchie’s warehouse wanting to test the waters. She banged on the door and was let in. Ritchie and Josh were working on the cars and nodded

“Hi Toni... how was your day” asked Seth. He handed Toni a beer

“ummm ok Seth”

“Look we heading out to get some number plates, you wanna come?”

“umm ok”

Ritchie walked over “wait up” he digs into his pocket and hands over some money to Toni “get some more beer.”

“ok... sure” Toni went to leave

“and one more thing”

Toni faced him “yeh”

Ritchie grabbed her and rammed her to the wall, her head hitting it hard “you ever touch, kiss, try anything to my girl and I will kill you. I will pull the trigger you can be sure of that.

Seth spoke up disappointedly “are you queer or something”

Toni trying to catch her breath and talk, Ritchie’s hand around her throat “No.... no way... I wanted to stop Lauren from trying to take on the whole women’s basketball team. She wouldn’t listen”

“Oh so kissing her was your way of stopping her” Ritchie sneers “next time punch the fucking bitch, don’t kiss her.”

He released Toni and went back to working on a car. Toni looked up to see Lauren standing at door to Ritchie’s apartment. It was the first time Lauren’s eyes ever submitted to Toni’s glare.

“Now fuck off.” growled Ritchie

“You kicking me out” whines Toni, feeling devastated Ritchie was throwing her out of their little gang

Ritchie looked at her “noooooo, cutting you adrift would be me putting you in a grave. Get me the number plates and the beer.”

“ok”

---

They finished up for the night, and sat around watching TV. Toni never once looked at Lauren. She did allow Seth to pay her more attention and they kissed on and off.

Ritchie came up to the apartment and grinned at Lauren “you know what..... just thinking about you two girls has given me the biggest hard-on.” He grabbed Lauren “now tell me again, word for word how she kissed you, and don’t leave out the part about the tongue.”

Toni eyes flared at Lauren, she never did anything like that to her. Lauren said nothing; she just got up and went to Ritchie’s bedroom.

Toni was furious at Lauren’s exaggeration of their exchange. She played it over and over. It was only a quick kiss, nothing else. She then felt a hand on the inside of her thigh and Seth near her ear

“You know, the thought of you kissing Lauren is such a turn on.... why don’t you and me.” He stopped when he felt the blade of Toni’s knife at his throat

“Don’t you ever fucking touch me again Seth.” Toni got up and left, slamming the door.

It was an hour and half walk home, she had no money for a bus. She stomped along the pavement, still fuming over the events. She heard the sounds of a slow idling car, pulling up on her. She didn’t look, she knew who’s car it was and kept walking. The rain was starting to get heavy

“Toni get in” ordered Lauren

Toni ignored her and just kept walking. Lauren closed her eyes and groaned. She drove up again

“Look, get in out of the rain, so we can talk at least”

Toni stopped and faced the driver’s window “talk... what about.... oh how I stuck my tongue down your throat. That was load of bullshit and you know it Lauren”

“I know... just I wasn’t expecting you to do that, I was angry and.”

“I bet you left out the part where you kissed me back”

Lauren shook her head “no I didn’t”

Toni yelled at her “you did, you know you fucking did.... it was a big mistake, ok so just forget it because I have.”

“alright, calm down and get in, I’ll drive you home...”

Toni walked off down a side street “fuck off Lauren”

Lauren watched Toni disappear into the darkness.

Toni avoided her group for a few days. She wasn’t in the mood and was back to thinking about the ways of ending her life. She could feel it was going to happen soon, the exact trigger still hadn’t been identified to her, but she felt it was coming.

She sat alone in an empty classroom reading.

“She’s in here” came a male voice

Toni eyes lifted to see Josh, Seth and Lauren enter, then closing the door. The sat the chairs around Toni

“hey.... where were you last night.” Josh spoke

“Mind your own fucking business, you’re not my mother” spat back a surly Toni

Lauren spoke quietly “Richie wants us over early tonight, he’s got a job.”

“Ritchie this Ritchie that” spat Toni “I don’t fucking care, I’m not available tonight so you can go and shove your job up your arse.”

“wow look who’s little miss attitude today” laughs Josh

“piss off”

Lauren wasn’t getting anywhere with Toni and knew she had to get her back in the game “Josh, Seth.... leave us”

Seth grinned “why, you girls gonna kiss again”

Toni was out her seat grabbed Seth and was about to punch, but Lauren got in-between “ok ok, calm down, Seth, Josh piss off now. You sit down” pushes Toni back to her seat “jesuz christ”

Toni picked up her book, sat back down and read. Lauren took a breath and sat opposite, her arms crossed

“Look I’m sorry I told Ritchie, but can we move on from this please”

Toni didn’t look up or respond.

“How long are you going to sulk for, it’s getting kinda old?” she had hoped she get some bite from Toni but it was ignored.

She decided to try a different tact. “If you come out with us tonight, I’ll.... I’ll let you kiss me again”

Toni stiffens and sneered “I would never kiss you, even if you needed to be revived so you can shove that in your cunt as well” she spat.

Lauren shook her head “fine.... lets do it the hard way, shall we.”

Lauren stood up and pushed Toni’s desk aside, then shoved Toni back off her seat. Toni sprang up only to have Lauren shove her hard again causing Toni to stumble over chairs and desks and fall to the floor again.

Lauren stood in front of Toni “If this is how you want it Toni, then come on.... nows your chance, I’m facing you.... no cheap shots”

Toni launched at Lauren, they fall over tables and chairs rolling around. Toni drags Lauren up, but Lauren just slips her leg behind Toni and flips her down. Toni grabs her shirt and tosses her over. She jumps on Lauren who stuck her foot up and kicked Toni off.

They go at it for a few moments longer, neither punching, just tossing each other until Toni started laughing. She eventually was too weak to fend off Lauren and was eventually pinned to the floor. Lauren sat over her, forcing her weight onto Toni.

Lauren was also laughing “so are we feeling a little better now”

Toni rolled her eyes “maybe....ouch... my back hurts.”

Lauren stands up and holds out her hand, Toni takes it and is helped up. “I knew a little gentle persuasion would help. So tonight.... you’re in.”

Toni thought about it “yeh.... whatever” Toni was taken back when Lauren kissed her cheek

“and I won’t tell Ritchie about this little kiss, promise.”

Toni and Lauren were just leaving the room when the teacher came in and growled. “What did you do to my class room”

Chairs and tables were strewn around the room “nothing, it was like that” spoke Lauren. Both girls left quickly

---

Ritchie, Toni and Lauren hid behind some bushes outside a suburban home. In the drive way was an Audi turbo waiting to be nabbed.

“I don’t think I’m going to get that started in a short time.” Said Toni

“That’s why we will roll it down the road, away from neighbours”

Ritchie jimmied the window down then opened the door. He took the handbrake off and they rolled it down the driveway. They then pushed it down the road and off into a side street.

“Right, try it again” said Ritchie under the hood.

Toni put the wires together but was not getting any life “fuck.... I hate European machines.”

“Keep trying” ordered Ritchie

“I’m telling you..... it’s not going to happen”

Ritchie flew around grabbed Toni from the car and pushed her against the car “and I’m telling you, keep trying”

“Ritchie calm down” Lauren trying to pacify the situation

“Shut the fuck up” spat Ritchie

Toni squatted down and looked at the wires again. She tried to reach further into the steering column; it had to be another set. She couldn’t get her hand in.

“Lauren, see if you can reach. You should be able to feel a bunch of wires.”

Lauren reaches in and grasps something. She pulls it out and Toni puts the torch on it. “That could be it”

Lauren excited about boosting her first car “so what do I do now”

Toni pulls out her knife and hands it to Lauren “slice back the cover on the wires, don’t cut the wires tho.”

She waited for Lauren to finish. “good, now twist both together. Ok, turn the dud key in the column and see if it starts up.”

The car roared to life “yeh.... well done” praised Toni

They both stood up “ok, well lets go” Lauren was about to get behind the wheel

“Not tonight hun, she’s mine”

“c’mon Ritchie, let me have a go” whines Lauren

Ritchie unceremoniously pushes Lauren aside “get in the passenger side now”

They climbed in, Toni sat in the back and Ritchie took off. They drove around, Toni noticing Ritchie getting up to speeds of 180 km/hr.

“Love the sound of that turbo eh honey” says Ritchie

Lauren looks over to Toni and notices her a little nervous. Lauren grabs her seat belt and puts it on, making sure Toni got the message.

Toni also does the same, she glances at the speedo as he hits 200. “hey... umm Ritchie, shouldn’t we get back, or at least slow down.”

“Why, you ‘fraid Toni.... don’t be such a pussy.” He looks at her “you said you weren’t afraid to die”

Toni looked out the window “on my terms tho Ritchie”

Ritchie turned the corner sharply, both girls having to grip the car for support. “ok Ritchie, enough” said Lauren “just slow it down”

“Shut up... fuck you are always whinging at me bitch” he looks at her

“Watch out” screams Toni

Lauren also screams “get over, get over”

Ritchie had swayed on to the wrong side of the road into oncoming traffic. He over corrects too much and mounts the kerbside. As he tries to regain control they hit a bus shelter and the car flips and rolls 3 times, finally landing on its roof.

No sounds or movement came from the car

Toni opens her eyes slowly. The picture registering to her brain was blurry and upside down. She moans as her focus gets clearer. The next sense to come on line was smell, and diesel fumes were filling her nostrils.

She unclicks her belt and fell to the roof. She kicked out her window and crawled out slowly. Everything was sore, her head still groggy. She then heard a moan and saw Ritchie trying to get free.

“Toni..... “ he called out

Toni staggered to her feet and collapsed next to the car. She grabbed Ritchie by the jacket and with all her strength pulled him clear of the wreckage.

Toni wipes her eyes, blood was coming from a gash somewhere on her head. As she became more alert “Lauren”

Ritchie got up seeing the diesel all over the ground “shit shit, c’mon Toni... lets get out of here” he tries to drag her away from the vehicle

“nooo Ritchie we have to get Lauren....” pushing him off

“no.....there’s no time.... she’s probably dead anyway, come on” he tries to grab her again.

Toni pushes him away and runs around to the passenger side, she peers in. There was no movement from Lauren

“jeezus, Lauren..... Lauren can you hear me.....Lauren” yelled Toni in a panic

“I told you she’s dead, the cops will be here, and it’s going to blow.”

A voice came to them “please..... please help me Ritchie....”

Ritchie grabbed Toni “leave her, there is no time.....” she dragged Toni away

Toni struggled “NO....” she punched him in the face and he let go.

Toni dropped to the ground and slide inside to the passenger window “Don’t leave me Toni” pleaded Lauren in tears

“I’m not going anywhere. But we need to get you out now.”

Neither could reach Lauren’s seatbelt clip so Toni grabbed out her knife and cut the belt.

“ouch.... ouch.... “ Lauren cries out as Toni dragged her from the car. Toni dragged her when the car exploded up in a huge fireball.

Lauren screamed, Toni fell down ontop of Lauren covering her from falling, hot debris. Lauren shaking and crying underneath Toni

“shhhhh you’re safe.”

Toni was looking around for Ritchie, but he had already taken off.

---

Toni had her arm around Lauren to support her as they walked to the hospital. Lauren was bleeding and couldn’t put a sentence together. She eventually collapsed into Toni’s arms and was carried the rest of the way to the hospital

She put Lauren on a bed, the doctors and nurses gathered around the bleeding young girl. Toni stepped back, hand over her face. Shock had now set in at the sight of Lauren in a bloody mess. Shock that if Ritchie had his way she would have been left in the car to die. Her eyes filled with tears of anger, fear, confusion, she didn’t know what to do.

After 3 hours Toni was allowed to see Lauren. She had been cleaned up, bandages on her hands, around her head. Her face had scratches and was bruised. Toni just stared at the sight.

“She has a mild concussion. I would like to keep her over night, just need to contact your parents.”

“No... I don’t want to stay.”

“My dear, you need to be monitored” pushed the doctor

Lauren sat on the edge of bed and grabbed her ribs “ouuuch no..... I’m leaving”

The doctor looked at Toni for some help “I’ll take care of her” she says quietly

Toni helps Lauren dress and they walked to the door. Lauren looked at Toni “you forgot your jacket”

“It’s no good, it kinda got melted when the car blew up.... “

“It’s cold outside” showing concern towards Toni for the first time

“At this point, I don’t feel anything.... except numb” admitted Toni

Lauren agreed and they left the hospital. Lauren stumbled a bit and Toni caught her and supports her.

“You rest against here and I’ll boost us a ride.”

Toni squatted and went from car to car, trying to avoid security cameras and guards. She opens a car door quietly. She goes back to Lauren who is sitting on the ground sobbing.

Toni squat next to her “hey hey hey..... it’s ok”

Lauren leaned into Toni. Toni put her arms around, holding Lauren to her chest

“He was going to leave me to die. I thought he loved me..... why did he do that?”

Toni just held her “I don’t know.... cmon we should go”

It was after 2am, they dumped the car not far from Toni’s home. Toni opened the window to her room and climbed in quietly. Toni shuts the door to her bedroom and went back to the window. She helped Lauren in and sat her on the bed.

Lauren groaned from every movement, her body felt like it had been pounded. Toni grabbed some headache tablets from her bedside table and gave them to Lauren. She gently took Lauren’s shoes and socks off, then carefully removed Laurens pants. She pulled back the covers on her bed.

“Lay down.... cmon”

Lauren did as she was told and Toni pulled the covers up. Lauren watched Toni as she went to her wardrobe and grabbed her sleeping bag and pillow. She threw it on the ground next to her bed and stripped down. She climbed in and looked over at Lauren. Her eyes were already closed.

Toni lay on her back hand over her face still going over the nights events and still couldn’t believe how lucky they both were. She also felt like killing Ritchie.

“Toni” came a small voice

Toni looked over at Lauren “yeh”

Lauren smiled “thank you for saving me.”

Toni smiled, “ok.... get some rest”

Next morning Toni was woken abruptly by her door opening and mum coming in

Toni sat up focusing on her mum

“When did you get in? and who is that?” pointing to Lauren

Lauren also woken, pulled the sheet up

Toni wiped the sleep from her eyes “mum...this is Lauren.... I’m working on her...”

Lauren looked at Toni

“I mean I’m working on a school project with Lauren.”

Lauren smiled and thought to herself, ‘nice save’

“What happened to your face.... where did you get all these scratches? Please don’t tell me you’ve been fighting..... we can’t go through this again Antonia.”

Toni growled “mum.... I fell over at school, nothing serious.”

“Right.... well good. Now I have to go to work and as it’s a Saturday please do some chores to help me and your father out.”

“yeh mum”

Lauren watched the two interact, nothing like mother and daughter, more like strangers, no feeling. From impressions she expected Toni to live in some rundown apartment block like she does with her father and step mum. Not some perfect little suburb house, a mum and dad with good jobs. This didn’t seem to fit in with Toni’s persona

“Right well see you later today. Your father won’t be home until tonight either.”

“yeh right....”

Toni’s mother left and Toni lied down and closed her eyes. Lauren looked around the room expecting to see a dump but it was nice.... even girly like. She watched Toni

“Antonia”

“Don’t call me that”

“It’s cute”

Toni sat up and glared “I said don’t call me that, I hate it.”

“Chill...”

Toni gets up and puts her pants on. She stretches her back, feeling cramped from the hard ground.

“You could have shared the bed with me, I don’t take up that much room” said Lauren softly

“What and have you say I tried to jump your bones, no thanks... been there done that scenario”

Lauren winces as she sat up, pain from every part of her body “are you ever going to get over that. Fuck sake Toni, build a bridge.”

Toni looked at Lauren and burst into laughter “yeh... whatever, come on lets have breakfast”

Lauren gets up “actually I’m going to pay a visit to my arsehole boyfriend.” She puts her pants on

“Why, what’s that going to achieve......”

“I don’t know.... but once I beat him up, I probably feel better for it.”

Toni huffed “if you say so.”

Toni heads out her room calling back “I’m making pancakes, see you Monday.”

Toni was cooking when someone appeared in the door way. Toni didn’t look up just handed over the plate of pancakes to Lauren. Lauren smiled “thank you”

They both sat down, Toni rolled up two pancakes filled with syrup and cream and fed her face.

Lauren laughed at the sight of cream and syrup running down Toni’s face. She wanted to get up and wipe her face,..... lick her face. When that thought popped into her head Lauren blushed brightly

“What” said Toni

“What...” said Lauren back

“You just went red.”

Lauren shrugged her shoulders.

After they dumped their plates into the sink, Toni took Lauren into the lounge and set up the X box. After a few hours Lauren gave up

“I’m bored.... let’s do something else.”

Toni thought about it “Hey I want to show you something”

Lauren followed Toni outside. Lauren’s eyes widened at the pool. She didn’t know anyone with a pool, she didn’t believe kids that went to public schools had pools.

Toni opened the shed door and walked in. Lauren followed curiously. She noticed the red sports car and whistled.

“Wooow, now let’s take that for a spin.”

Toni looks at it “naaaa....”

“Excuse me, this is a beauty. Why does your dad keep it here?”

“It’s mums and she only takes it out on special occasions. It’s her pride and joy. Dad collects expensive scotch whiskeys and mum has her car.”

“and what does poor little rich girl have” looks at Toni thinking she had some huge trust fund waiting.

“This” holds up a rope with a noose

Lauren stares at it. “You’re kidding, you still going through with killing yourself. My god, look at this place, why.... you have everything.”

“So I would use the beams in the shed, tie it up there and kick that stool out.” She continued on ignoring Lauren’s amazement

Lauren chuckled “what happen to the pistol”

“yeh, I’d hate to shoot myself wrong and die a slow death. No something quick, clean”

“You are joking....” Lauren scoffed “what if the noose slips, you left dangling, choking a slow death.”

“oh.... I never thought about that.” Toni throws the rope under the car “guess it’s the sleeping pills and gassing myself in mum’s car.”

Lauren shook her head “you love talking about this, so when’s the big day.... when is your big day Toni?”

“well.... I haven’t decided when my big day is.”

“You know.... I hear you talk about killing yourself, and yet everything I’ve seen of you, what we just went through, you could have easily stayed in the car to die in a fiery ball of flames. An yet you fight to stay alive.

“You don’t.... know me” her tone changes to low growl

“Then talk to me.... tell me.” pushed Lauren

Toni left the garage and headed inside. She heard the sounds of splashing and looked over. Lauren had stripped to just her shirt and panties and was swimming in Toni’s pool

Toni walked to the edge of the pool. “What are you doing” arms folded

“Taking some time out, why don’t you try it, c’mon Toni.... join me. You need to have some fun”

Toni shook her head

Lauren smirked “Antonia”

Toni leapt into the water at Lauren who screamed and swam away. Toni surfaced and splashed after her. “I told you.... don’t call me that”

After playing about they held onto the side of the pool, Lauren looked over at Toni’s sad face

“I don’t understand Toni. You have a beautiful house, two parents who obviously earn a shit load of money.... and yet you act like it’s the end of the world, like nothing matters. You must care about something in your life.”

Toni eyes glisten for a moment. She looked at Lauren. Lauren brushed away hair from her face....

Toni climbs from the pool. She walked over to a box and opens it pulling out two towels. She takes her shirt off and wrings it out. Lauren watches Toni, looking over her semi naked body. It had bruises and scratches from last night’s events, but she never once complained. Lauren had her problems, yet she didn’t feel dead inside, but when she looks at Toni, she sees no life in her.

Toni wraps the towel around herself, drops her pants and leaves them. She walks inside.

Lauren paddled around a little longer and did the same thing. Once inside she found Toni sitting on the couch drinking a beer.

“Toni...”

“There is clothes up in my room” she said nothing more

They watch a DVD while drinking beer and eating chips, occasionally laughing. Toni gets up

“I need to take a piss” she announces

Lauren throws a chip at her “oh like I need to know about that, go away”

Toni laughs

She washes her hands and looks at her scratched face. She was actually having a good day for a change, enjoying Lauren’s company. She walked out “ok what shall we do now”

Toni stops and catches her breath. Lauren was look at something... Toni sees the book.... she was cemented to the spot

Lauren looks up “hey.... cute photo album, I never knew you were a blonde.... “

Toni eyes drifted across the photo, she wanted to throw up.

Lauren looks up to see Toni was pale, her chest heaving “Toni.... what’s wrong?”

Toni stepped closer, focussing on the album.

“You must be 10... right, cute bathers” Lauren said with a giggle.

Toni went to touch the photo but couldn’t, she instead closes the book, swallowing what she regurgitated. Lauren went to Toni, fearing she was going to pass out.

“Toni.... what is it.”

“That’s not me.....that’s my sister” she caught her breath as images ran through her head.

Lauren guesses this was the pain in Toni’s life “so where is she” as calmly as she could

Toni swallows “She’s dead...” Toni turned around as if to leave.

Lauren cut her off “Toni....”

“I can’t Lauren.... I can’t.....” tears started to well, her anger flared up “I won’t”

“What’s her name?”

Toni tried to block out Lauren’s question, she didn’t want to talk about it but couldn’t help herself “Hailey.... she’s 2 years.... she was 2 years older than me.”

“She’s cute like her younger sister” Lauren trying to lighten the mood

Toni shook her head “no.....she was beautiful... golden, blonde hair to her shoulders.” Toni puts a hand on her shoulder as she reminisces. She was popular in school, smart... loved music, makeup..... life.. She was my best friend, my entire family and she was taken from me.”

Lauren listened, she squeezed Toni’s hand “go on”

Toni took a breath “she died 2 years ago, in my arms....”

___

2 years ago

“See Antonia.... told you putting your hair up makes you look gorgeous. Although you have just turned 16.... you look closer to 20.”

Toni looked in the mirror “yeh”

“Or we can just put them into two little pig tails”

Toni got up and pushes her sister away playfully “I’m not 6 anymore.”

They collapsed on Hailey’s bed. Hailey gets out her makeup and lightly puts it on Toni. “See what I mean about using only a little.... makes it look like more. You have a beautiful skin, you’re a natural blonde which means you can wear just about anything, and you don’t need a lot of makeup..”

Toni was painting her sister’s finger nails, enjoying her company before Hailey was to return to college.

“Hailey can I ask you a personal question.”

Hailey blew onto her fingers to dry them “Hmmm nice colour, good choice sis.... sure you can ask me anything.”

“Have you.... had....”

“Had what...”

“You know with your boyfriend...”

Hailey pretended not to know what her younger sister meant “no I don’t know, so how about you stop beating around the bush and ask me”

Antonia blushed “have you had sex... with him”

Hailey thought about it “you going to tell mum”

“Noooo I never tell her anything we do.... even when you snuck out on school nights.”

“ook... yeh... I have... a few times now.”

“What’s it like...”

Hailey made a face not sure how to answer “ummm”

“Was it beautiful, did it hurt.... my god you’re not pregnant are you, because you have been sick lately.”

“Whoa and back up little sister. Yes it was beautiful.... John was really sweet and gentle. I was a little uncomfortable at first, but after that... it was fine. I’m not pregnant because.” Hailey gets up, heads to her draw and pulls out some items putting them in front of Toni.

“I’m on the pill.... and he uses these.... condoms.”

Toni blushes....”ok.... so if I was to say... have sex I would need all this stuff.”

Hailey gasped “oh my god, you’re having sex, you’re barely 16.... who is he Antonia?”

Toni collapses on the bed laughing “I’m not having sex, I was just teasing.... but if I was...”

Hailey sighs “Well he must wear a condom, no matter what he says... You can go on the pill, but you’re a little young at the moment.” She hugs her sister “I don’t want you growing up yet, I want you to stay my baby.”

Toni hugs her “well for a little while”

They both heard a crash downstairs. Hailey puts hand to Toni’s mouth. They knew their mum and dad were at a work function and not expected back until after midnight. It was only 11pm.

Hailey gets up and listens at the door. She couldn’t hear anything now, but they both had heard something. She grabs her softball bat, Toni creeps behind her.

“Stay here Antonia...” whispers Hailey

“Nooooo way.... I’m with you” she says in a scared whisper

They creep downstairs.... and enter the dining room. Hailey first noticed the broken window and Antonia sees something from the corner of her eye. “Hailey” she screams

As Hailey looks around she is hit and falls over. Toni screams but someone grabs her mouth closing it “shut up you little bitch”

There were two masked men, the one who hit Hailey grabbed her. Hailey tried to fight so he hit her again, then pushed her to the dining table. “I’m gonna have me a piece of this sweet little thing”

He rips her night gown partly exposing Hailey’s body.

Antonia fights harder, but is punched and collapses to the carpet. The other guy was now ontop, had her pinned “you are all mine.... I’m going to split that little cherry of yours wide open.”

Hailey scream, was slapped again. She could see what was about to happen to her sister and struggled. She was momentary dazed when she felt him push inside hard, thrusting deeper each time, she was crying.

Antonia fought her attacker again, but her punched her and ripped at her panties. He pulled himself out, Antonia still groggy from the punch wasn’t lucid. Hailey saw what he was about to do and closes her eyes, but couldn’t shut her ears to the screams from Antonia as she was being raped

Antonia felt him inside her, the pain, burning, she struggled but he was too strong. His hand over her mouth, ramming in and out.

Hailey reached up and around, she could feel the guy ontop was about to reach his peak. She grabbed the glass vase and with all her strength hit him in the head. He fell to the ground.

Hailey got up, the guy ontop of his sister was about to react when she hit him in the head

“Antonia get out, run.....” Hailey screamed

Antonia was up and at the door, she pulled it open and ran to the street screaming. Hailey was almost at the door when the guy who raped her sister grabbed her and threw her back into the living room. Hailey's rapist was back on his feet, took off his ski mask and looked at the blood on his fingers.

He sneered “you fucking slut”

Antonia was on the other side of the road screaming, and then it echoed around the neighbourhood. Two gun shots. Antonia faced her house shaking. She heard two car doors closing and car racing off.

She started to walk back to the house “nooo Hailey....Hailey” she screamed.

She ran back into the house and on the floor in a pool of blood was her sister. Antonia collapsed beside her and picked her up “Hailey please...don’t die.....please.....”

Hailey looked into her young sister’s eyes and held her hand squeezing it “Antonia” was her last words as she died in her arms. Toni cradled her sister screaming

---

Toni was about to fall when Lauren grabbed “Toni... Toni...it’s ok, I’ve got you.”

Toni couldn’t focus on Lauren, her eyes were all blurry. She couldn’t remember the last time she had tears like this.

Lauren look at the broken shell of Toni, and her heart broke too. She brushed aside the tears, but they were quickly replaced with more. Lauren looked at her, a different feeling washed over. Toni was gorgeous, her tears of pain staining her face, her sudden vulnerableness caused something to happen inside of Lauren.

Lauren launched at Toni’s lips, her tongue going down Toni’s throat. Toni was taken by surprised almost gagging at the sudden forcefulness but didn’t push her away. She embraced Lauren and kissed her back, snatching kisses between breaths, and tears. She back up and collapsed against the couch. Lauren didn’t relent, and eventually Toni was on the floor with Lauren on top kissing her all over.

Toni pushes her back a little trying to get air, but Lauren didn’t stop and attacked her lips again. Toni’s hands grasps Lauren’s back, pulling her hard to her, running under her shirt.

Lauren sat up immediately, still straddling Toni. Toni also sat up and both girls grabbed at Lauren’s shirt and removed it in one movement. Toni wrapped arms around Lauren’s back and kissed her deeply, her tongue darting inside Lauren’s mouth. Lauren broke the kiss, and arched back as Toni’s lips trailed down her neck and she latched onto her breast, licking it, sucking on it.

Lauren felt a sudden rush deep inside her, not like anything before. She wanted to explode, scream, and yell. She began to collapse backwards, Toni following her down, still kissing her, fondling her.

Toni couldn’t think straight, she had gone from the pain of remembering that night again to sexually attacking Lauren, she couldn’t stop herself, she wasn’t being stopped and didn’t know how far to go

“Toni.... Toni”

Toni stopped and looked down at Lauren. She had gone too far and was scared “I.. ummm” and started to back away

Lauren stopped her, kissed her, she lifted her hips again “Do something.... I need more....I need you inside me somehow....”

Toni broke the kiss, grabs at Lauren’s shorts pulling them down. Lauren was lying naked on the floor in front of her. She felt unsure,.... she had never done this before.

Lauren grabbed for Toni again, her tongue teasing outside Toni's mouth “cmon Toni I know you have wanted to do more than just kiss me, you know what to do... please

Toni had never thought must passed kissing, but now she wanted Lauren more than anything. She let her hand drift down between Lauren’s legs, massaging her patch. She slipped her finger into her wet slit and almost collapsed onto Lauren from the sensation it gave to her.

Lauren closed her eyes feeling Toni’s finger invade her. She lifts her hips and opens her mouth letting Toni’s tongue back inside. She maintains Toni’s passion, and grasps tightly when Toni penetrates her slowly.

Toni snatches hard at Lauren’s lips, as she thrusts quicker and deeper into Lauren, every spot she touched produced sounds of pleasure from both of them.

Lauren turns her head “oh my god.... yes.....” her body starts to shake, her voice quivering. She holds Toni begging for some sort of end “Toni.... please"

Toni removed her finger and felt the little tightness higher it up. It made Lauren buck and scream under her in a most wonderful way. She felt Lauren clamp down, then shudder again.

Lauren held onto Toni for a long while, head buried into her shoulder. She had no words, and didn’t think she could even speak at what just happened. All she knew was nothing like that had ever happened to her before, even when she was with Ritchie.... “

Toni was afraid to look at Lauren. Lauren pushed her up and Toni rolled over, closing her eyes, ashamed of herself. She put a hand over her face trying to hide.

Lauren gently stroked her face “Toni it’s ok....”

Toni completely turned away and cried

“Toni.... I’m not angry....please look at me, everything’s alright.”

Toni looks at Lauren through tears, she was now sobbing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this” stuttered Toni “I don’t know what came over me, I’m soooo sorry.”

Toni sat up as did Lauren and held her “Shhhhh it’s ok.....you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Once Toni had regained her composure Lauran stood up pulling Toni with her. She took her hand and walk to Toni’s bedroom. Toni closed the door to her room and faced Lauren.

Lauren touched Toni’s cheek then pulled her into kiss. Slow, no expectation, just reassuring Toni that everything was still all right.

Lauren removed Toni’s shirt and touched her chest, hand caressing along her breasts and down her stomach. Toni’s body slightly shudders. Lauren couldn’t help but touch her again. She had never been with anyone sexually other than Ritchie, and now she was touching, caressing Toni. She didn’t feel confused, or ashamed of what she was doing, just the sense that Toni really needed her and she wasn’t going to abandon her because Toni didn’t abandon her, or because Toni was a girl. It didn’t matter to Lauren.

Toni backed away but Lauren wrapped arms around her “its ok”

She unbuttons Toni’s pants and pushes them down. Toni steps out and stands before Lauren naked. Lauren wraps arms back around Toni, who does the same and they stand holding each other, rocking against each other. Toni nuzzles down and takes Laurens lips, her intentions clear that she wanted more than just this and Lauren obliged kissing her back, snatching her lips.

Toni groans when Lauren takes hold of her breast and sucks at her nipple. Lauren felt it harden in her mouth, she let her tongue flick across it causing Toni to groan louder and grasp her tighter.

Lauren pushes Toni back until she is on her bed then climbs on top. “lie down” she encouraged

She had no idea what to do except to imitate what Toni did to her. Lauren’s hand felt its way down and rubbed her fingers into Toni’s blonde public bush. It felt soft to touch, she could now smell Toni’s scent.

Toni opens her legs, her breathing quickened. Lauren watches Toni expression when her finger slips down into her pussy. Toni looks at Lauren “that feels good”

Lauren started to lose her senses from feeling Toni’s wetness around her finger, making her own desires flare again.

Toni pulls Lauren into a kiss, unleashing her tongue. Lauren’s finger was at Toni’s hole and pushed inside. Toni’s opening was tight, so Lauren pushed in harder. Toni moaned and gripped Lauren’s tighter

Lauren stopped, remembering the forced intrusion of her rape. Toni touched Lauren’s face.. “its ok... I’m fine, just go a bit slower.”

Lauren push in as far as she could, then withdrew, then each thrust deeper than the last, quicker than the last.

Toni body lifted with each stroke and groaned with each penetration. Lauren wasn’t sure if she was doing anything right

“Toni.... I don’t know what I’m supposed to do...how to”

“You’re doing fine, just don’t stop....” she reassures

Lauren continued to stroke harder, deeper, longer. She slipped out and rubbed the swollen spot which ignited Toni. She cried out, wrapping her arms around Lauren and kissing her neck. Lauren didn’t remove herself, drawn to the pulses from Toni’s pussy. She slowly touched at Toni’s spot again, causing her to buck into Lauren, while Toni’s tongue was down Lauren’s throat sucking all her air.

“oh god. Oh god” repeated Toni as she felt another wave

Lauren rubbed harder until the final release and the pleas from Toni for her to stop. Toni eyes were closed, breathing deeply. She slowly open her eyes, they were blurred again.

Lauren wiped the tears away with her hand, then kisses the others. She rested on Toni’s shoulder, stroking her face. She kisses her gently, to reassure her again that everything they did was all right. Toni closes her eyes and they fall asleep.

***

Toni woke to the sound of the front door closing and someone calling her name “Antonia, get in here”

“shit... Lauren.... wake up, you have to go”

Lauren opens her eyes and yawns “huh... what”

“My mum’s home, you need to get dress and go quickly.”

Toni already had her clothes on.

Lauren smiled “why don’t you just tell your mum you are.... working on me.... as a school project” she joked

Toni put hands to her head in frustration “Lauren please.... this isn’t a time to joke.”

Lauren dressed and was mostly out the window when she turned around.

Toni was peering through her partly closed door when someone was behind. Toni turned around and was met with a pair of lips. Toni held the kiss until she heard her mum.

Lauren smiles “I dare you to call that a cheap shot” she leaves via the window

Toni sat on her bed with a book, but was just replaying over the whole afternoon. It was the happiest day of her life and couldn’t believe that one person, that Lauren could be that person to lift her from her doldrums.

Toni’s door open and her mum stood there furious “all bloody day and what do I get, your clothes all over the place, dishes in the sink. Life isn’t a free pass you know; sometimes you have to put a little effort in. So how about you get off your throne Antonia and help us out, life’s not all about you.”

Her mum left and Toni’s good day already started to slip away, she threw her book at the wall as the darkness moved back into her life.

Monday morning Lauren was inside her locker getting some books. She decided to attend class today, try something new she thought. Someone pushed passed her and usually she wouldn’t hesitate to have a go at them but she didn’t want to spoil her good mood.

She closed her locker and waiting was a pair of eyes and a smirk. Lauren smirked also.

“What’s with that?” asks Lauren

“What” says Toni innocently?

“That” points to her smile “that’s new”

“Hmm found it Saturday, hasn’t left me since.” Gloats Toni

“hmmmm, well I’m late for class.”

“You are going to class, really.... why? you haven’t been all year.”

“Well thought if you can try something new like smiling, then I might attend a class.”

It was close to lunch time when Toni dumped her stuff in her locker. She couldn’t concentrate on anything except Lauren, Saturday and life.

“Wow... that’s a big sigh”

Toni turns to see Lauren standing near her “hmmm”

“You are still smirking”

“uh huh”

Lauren sneers, looks about to make sure no students could see. “Going to have to do something about that, and right now.”

She drags Toni by the arm into the toilet block. All the cubicles were empty so she dragged her into the furthest one and locked the door.

Toni laughed “what’s up” but she knew.

Lauren grabbed Toni’s face and launched her assault, kissing her, tongue exploring Toni’s mouth. Toni accepts it and returned the passion.

Lauren had more than kissing on her mind and rubbed between Toni’s legs, feeling her heat. She then unbuttoned her own jeans and unashamedly grabs Toni’s hand forcing it down her pants.

Toni broke the kiss and forced down and inside Lauren. Lauren head dropped back as Toni stroked her slowly, fully.

Lauren went back to kissing Toni, this time putting her hand into Toni’s pants and stroking her intimately. The cubicle filled with moans and groans as both worked inside each other. Their breathing had hit a pinnacle, both releasing within moments of each other.

Toni leaned against Lauren, “oh fuck” she whispers quietly between gasps of breath

Lauren kisses her cheek “hmmmm my thoughts too”

Toni removed her hand from Lauren’s pants and looks at the wetness on her fingers. Lauren was tidying herself and watched Toni, wondering what she was thinking.

Toni put her finger to her mouth and tasted it. She liked it and now knew what she wanted to do next.

Lauren scoffed at the sight then pushes her hard “hey... why did you do that...” screwing her nose up.

“I wanted to know what you taste like, now I do... and I like it.” Toni’s eyes widen at her growing thoughts. She tried to take Lauren’s lips again.

Lauren held her back “stop it, c’mon tidy yourself up.”. Lauren chuckled at her “you still got that smirk”

“uh huh, that didn’t work, got any better suggestions”

“Just do your pants up” Lauren although impatient, was enjoying the moment. She now loved Toni’s devious smirk

Lauren opened the door and stepped out. Toni was happy to keep her smirk but it dropped when a girl was standing in the room just staring at them as they both left the same cubicle.

Toni's smirk turned to a snarl and she launched at the girl, her hand over her mouth and she was shoved to the wall “you fucking say one word.... I’ll cut your pretty fucking face bitch.” She spat

Lauren felt sick that someone had seen and probably heard them. She quickly left, leaving Toni to sort it out.

The girl’s eyes widen and nodded

“If you do.... I will find you” points menacingly at the girl

Toni went looking for Lauren, but her black sedan was not in the car park.

***

It was 9pm Toni dressed in usual dark, street clothes. She didn’t know where Lauren lived; her phone number, their only connection was Ritchie. So that’s where she was going, to his place.

She walks to the front door when her father called out

“Where’re you going?”

“out.... school stuff”

“Right don’t be late”

---

Toni stands outside Ritchie’s garage. Part of her hoped Lauren wasn’t there, but she just needed to know if she was alright, that they were alright. She bangs on the door, Seth opens it for her.

Toni heads up to the apartment where Josh was sitting and watching TV along with Ritchie and Lauren. Toni takes a breath.

Ritchie gets up “hey..... how you been?.”

Toni shrugs

“I’m sorry, what I did to you, both of you” he looks at Lauren, touching her face. “I am going to make it up to both of you, I promise... right boys”

Seth and Josh “huh, yeh right.”

Toni sat once Ritchie gave her a beer. Ritchie was all over Lauren, even though she wasn’t returning his affection, she didn’t back away. Toni occasionally would glance over, a new emotion she was feeling, jealousy and it felt more powerful than anger.

“Hey babe, why don’t you come to my room and I will make it up to you.... “ he nuzzles in and kisses her gently

Toni tried to watch TV calmly

Lauren pushed away playfully “naa Ritchie.... I’m good”

Toni was watching the pair now and Ritchie looked at her “You want to come and watch Toni?” he asked.

Toni jaw tightened and she took a breath

Toni’s body language seemed to show her agitation loud and clear to Lauren. Lauren just hoped she was the only one reading it.

“She’s not watching, because nothing is happening, so drop it Ritchie. I am still angry at you for leaving me to die” she stresses

“ok ok.... look I have a present for you... come with me, you can take it and I won’t bother you for the rest of the night.”

Toni felt uneasy with that. Lauren didn’t think any different, got up and went to the bedroom.

“I’ll leave you guys to keep yourselves amused.... right” Ritchie looks at Josh and Seth for a moment longer, then leaves.

Toni drains her bottle, eyeing off Josh and Seth. Neither very talkative, both edgy, she knew something was up. Toni looked down the hallway to Ritchie’s room, giving Lauren 2 minutes before she would go in there.

Lauren goes into Ritchie’s room. Ritchie follows quietly closing the door and goes to his pocket in his jacket hanging in his closet. He pulls out a gold chain and moves to the bed holding it in front of Lauren

She went to grab it but he held it back slightly

“I heard a little rumour today, actually it’s quite funny.”

“What Ritchie’ she reaches for the chain again

“That you are involved with someone else, is this true?” he says calmly

Lauren didn’t move

“It also involves that little fucking cunt Toni, she’s screwing you behind my back?.”

Lauren didn’t say anything, surprised he would hear a school rumour.

“Well....” he demanded impatiently

“What... I’m supposed to owe you something, you left me to die. I owe you fucking nothing. “ Lauren gets up for the door. Ritchie snaps and slaps her, Lauren cries out.

Toni hears the cry and jumps up towards the hallway. She was jumped by both Seth and Josh.

“You queer bitch, we know about you fucking Lauren. You were warned about messing with Ritchie’s girl.”

Josh punched her in the face, Seth grabbed, preventing her from struggling and Josh hit her in the stomach.

Lauren fell on the bed struggling. Ritchie thumped her “shut up, I’m going to teach you, that only men fuck women.”

Ritchie takes his belt from his pants. Lauren tries to struggle free but Ritchie slaps her again, then pins her arms down

“At this very moment, your bitch is about to get the same lesson out there”

Lauren felt ill, she had been fucked and raped by Ritchie numerous times and accepted that, but felt sick she had landed Toni straight back into her nightmare.

Toni struggled, they pinned her to the ground. Seth removed her knife and tossed it across the room. “don’t want any nasty accidents”

Josh licked at her neck, grabbed her breast “I’m going to enjoy fucking you bitch” boast Josh

Toni struggles, her screams muffled through Seth’s hand. Her legs kick about trying to buck Josh off.

Ritchie grabbed Lauren’s pants, trying to rip them free as Lauren struggled to hold them on “Stop it Ritchie..... stop it...... don’t” screamed Lauren

Toni could hear Laurens cries and felt powerless; the same feeling like that night she and her sister were raped. Tears flowed from her eyes as Josh went to kiss her. Toni head butt him, breaking his nose.

Toni shakes Josh from her and now fights Seth. She hits Seth in the face, he punches her back.

Toni reaches around for anything.

“That’s it bitch, fight me, fight me” yells Seth

Lauren cries as she hears Seth’s rants to Toni. Ritchie almost had Lauren’s pants off

Toni reaches around, finding something, a glass ashtray that was under the couch. She swings it down hard on Seth’s head.

He cries out, blood pouring from a gash. Toni pushes him and punches him down. Josh staggers to his feet and is pushed against the wall, Toni hits him with the ashtray, kicks him and punches him on the ground. She wanted to kill him, but her intentions were stopped when she hears Lauren scream again.

Ritchie grabs Lauren by the hair and bites her neck “oh I’m going to fuck you till you bleed bitch.”

The door to Ritchie’s room opens with a bang

Ritchie looks over surprised who was in the doorway

Toni sees Lauren on the bed, face bleeding, clothes ripped. Toni launches herself at Ritchie, dragging him from the bed and tossing him to the wall. She punches him in the face and the stomach but it didn’t seem to register with Ritchie who was stronger. He picked her up and threw her across the room, jumped on her, dragging and throwing her against the wall. He punched her in the face, grabbed her throat in a death-like grip.

“You fucking cunt.... I’m gonna teach you a lesson”

Lauren gathers herself and jumped ontop of Ritchie “let her go”

Ritchie reached around and tossed Lauren off, she hits the wall knocking her head. She doesn’t move.

Ritchie went to return to Toni, but she was already on him and punched him in the balls, he doubled. She bought her knee up into his face.

“You fucking prick.... “ she screams

Although in pain, Ritchie managed to pull himself up and sent a volley of fists at Toni.

Toni collapsed slowly to the ground, her strength all but gone, her face covered in blood. She couldn’t focus on anything.

Lauren had stirred to see the final blow from Ritchie and Toni collapse to the floor. She watches Ritchie go to his jacket again and knows what’s coming next.

She screams “Antonia... Antonia run.’

Toni heard the scream, her head trying to focus. She looks at the door and her instinct is to run. She tries to focus on the other girl “Hailey” she cries to Lauren in confusion.

“Toni get out of here” screams Lauren

Toni looks at Ritchie, in his hand is a gun and aiming it at her. Toni’s head cleared and she jumped at him, grabbing the gun. They struggle, bouncing off the walls. Toni with all her strength was trying to keep the gun from being aimed at her.

The gun gets forced down; Toni screaming, then the sound of two shots echoes the room. Both Toni and Ritchie step back looking at each other.

Toni has the gun, looks at the blood on her shirt, Ritchie looks at her in shock then down at his bloody shirt.

Toni screams and pulls the trigger continuously, emptying the gun’s clip into Ritchie. He slides down the wall.

Toni continued firing no rounds in Ritchie’s dead body, screaming at him. Lauren gets up and grabs Toni as she collapses still screaming into the floor, her body shaking

“I killed him.... I kill him” she screamed over and over

Lauren rolled Toni over, seeing the blood that stained her shirt, she was in tears at the sight and lifts Toni’s shirt fearing the worse. There were no bullet holes in her. Lauren pulled Toni and cried into her “oh Toni...shhhh shhhhh it’s ok it ok”

She drags Toni up, who stumbles still groggy from the beatings. She leans Toni against the door and gets the gun from the floor and puts it in her pants. The TV room looked like a war zone of upturn furniture and blood, but no sign of Seth or Josh. She supports Toni’s body as she walks her to the car.

Lauren drives off in her black sedan, glancing over at Toni how hadn’t said a word since the shooting, her face badly bruised and still bleeding.

“Toni”

Toni didn’t respond.

Lauren stopped the car and got out. She walked over to a drain and wiped the gun clean then threw it down the drain. She got back into her car and drove off.

***

Lauren pulls up at a rundown block of apartments. She helps Toni out and drags her to the entrance of her building.

Toni focused briefly “where are we” she says through bruised lips

“My place”

The walls covered in graffiti, and building smelt of rotting food and urine.

Lauren helped Toni up 3 flights of stairs and into her place. A woman came towards them

“Where have you been, you can’t bring home your friends, you know what your father said. Oh my god is that blood”

“Shut up, dad’s not home and you are not my fucking mother”

She pulls Toni into her room, closing and locking the door. She slowly eases Toni onto the bed and squats in front. She went to touch Toni’s face, but Toni pulls away.

“Need to get you cleaned up, I’ll be right back. Don’t leave my room”

Lauren put some water into a bowel and grabbed antiseptic cream. She turned around to be confronted by her step mum

“Your father is going to hear this when he gets home, about you bringing home your criminal friends.”

“Well he isn’t home until tomorrow, so piss off”

Lauren went back to her room. She hadn’t planned on being home tomorrow, she was going to let Toni rest, then pack some things and they leave town. She knew if they were to have any chance of surviving, to be together they had to get away from here.

Lauren closed her door and looked at her bed. Toni wasn’t there, she looked around and found her huddled up in a corner rocking, sobbing.

Lauren put down the bowl and knelt in front “hey Toni....it’s going to be ok...”

Toni shook her head “no... no its not, I killed him... I shot him, he’s dead......it’s my fault” she cried

Lauren tears fell as she stroked Toni’s head.

“You didn’t have a choice. He would have killed you then me. You didn’t have a choice” Lauren held Toni as she sobbed, her body shaking from shock.

Toni sat on Lauren’s bed. She let Lauren carefully remove her bloodied shirt. She gently dabbed Toni’s face of blood. Her body looked like it had been pummelled.

Lauren eases Toni down and got in behind her, pulling up the covers. She stroked Toni’s hair and kissed her ear “rest now... tomorrow we are going to leave this place and start somewhere new..... together.” She held Toni

Toni carefully moved from Lauren’s arms. Her clock read 7.09am. She gingerly dresses herself, her body felt like a truck had run over it, then reversed back over. She had to get away from everything, everyone. She looked down at Lauren, she was peaceful. Toni wanted to touch her, but withdrew her hand. She quietly left Lauren’s apartment.

Toni’s head was replaying the night’s events over and over. She knew it was never going to end, she brings all her problems on herself and she had had enough of the pain. The physical pain she was feeling didn’t even register like her emotional pain, and now she had taken the life of someone. It needed to stop and she was the only one that can make it stop.

---

Lauren rolled over and felt nothing. “Toni”

She sat up and looked around the room but Toni wasn’t there, her clock was just after 8am. “fuck”

---

It was 8.20am when Toni’s mum went into her room and found her bed not slept in “stupid child”

She heads into the dining room to find a note waiting for her, reads it then screws it up. She gets into her work car advertising and slowly reverses.

Lauren pulls her car to a screeching halt in front of Toni’s driveway.

Toni’s mum slams on her breaks and gets out “what’s going on”

Lauren went over to her “is Toni home still” trying to gauge if Toni’s mum knew anything.

“umm who are you? and will you move that black thing out of my way, I’m late.”

“I’m Lauren, I was in Toni’s room the other”

“Oh yeh, no.. she is not here, she’s at school”

Lauren thought about it “school... are you sure?” she doubted Toni’s mother knew anything about her daughter

“She left me a note saying it was a big day, and I guess she left early.”

“Big day, what does that mean?”

“How should I know, obviously something at school is happening. You do go to the same school right?”

“well yeh, just... I wasn’t aware”

“I need to go, catch up with her there.”

Lauren pulled into school, her mind unable to recall anything that was supposed to be happening at school. She didn’t rule out the possibility as she didn’t attend many classes. She looked all over the school, twice, but no Toni.

She did something that she would hardly ever do, and that’s talk to other students. No one had seen Toni, there was nothing special on that day. Lauren even lowered herself to talk to teachers. She was no closer to working out what Toni meant and it was sending her crazy. She couldn’t do anything except sit in class and mull over it.

It was 9.12am, Lauren just scratched the desk not listening to her teacher, just thinking over and over... what big day.... what’s so special about this day, about her day.

Lauren stopped scratching the desk ‘her... big... day’ “fuuuuck” Lauren scream loudly, jumped up and ran from the class room.

Toni waited for her mum and Lauren to drive off. She crept back into her room, clutching the pain in her ribs as she landed on the floor. She walked into her mother’s room opening her top bedside table. She fingered through the bottles until she found the tranquillizers. She took the bottle and walked on into her father’s study, she looked about in all his bottles of scotch

“Yes... .this one, we’ll drink this on a special occasion” impersonating her father’s pompous tone. She heads into the kitchen and looks around. Everything was so picture perfect, so sterile. She opened the bottle of pills and took a mouthful washing them down with scotch.

She leaves the pills and takes the scotch bottle outside. She grabs some of the pool hose and snaps it from the filter. She opens the garage door and closes it behind her.

Toni hums a tune while she tapes the hose to the muffler of her mum’s car. Her eyes blur and she collapses for a moment.

“wow... they kick in quick”

Toni drags herself to the driver’s side and pulls the hose in, closing the door. She turns the key and starts the car. The car soon fills with carbon monoxide. Toni takes another drink of scotch and closes her eyes.

---

Lauren car slams into the driveway of Toni’s house, wheels screeching. Lauren jumps out yelling for Toni. She bangs on the front door and window but gets no response. Lauren goes over to the big gates that lead to the back yard but they were locked as well. She jumps up and hangs on but could only get up to look over. She yells for Toni then sees it, smoke coming from the shed, she could hear the faint sound of an idling car.

Lauren screamed Toni’s name. Lauren jumps back into her car, puts it in gear and drives through the gates, smashing them down.

A neighbour across the road sees the events and is on the phone immediately.

Lauren opens the garage doors and is brought to her knees coughing from the fumes. She opens the car door, Toni falls into her arms motionless. Lauren coughing turns the car off and drags Toni into fresh air.

Lauren tried stirring Toni, but got no response. She found Toni’s not breathing and started CPR, but every exhale from Toni made Lauren to cough until she nearly passes out. In the distance sirens were getting louder.

Lauren shaking hand touched Toni’s neck for a pulse. Lauren bit her lips when she couldn’t feel it. She didn’t give up trying to breathe air into Toni over and over again.

Lauren saw two police officers creeping up. She cried at them “I can’t get her to breath.... she won’t breath”

The police took over and worked on trying to breathe life back into her. Lauren was crying, calling to Toni "don't give up"

Moments later paramedics had Toni’s body. They got no life signs, so injected her with something, then used the paddles, eventually getting a weak pulse. They put her in the ambulance with Lauren and raced her to the hospital.

The doors crash open with people working around Toni. They lifted her from the paramedic’s bed, to the hospital and went to work.

Lauren just stood and watched, all she knew was Toni had not moved.

The doctors were all yelling at each other for things

“Her pulse is weak again, like something’s suppressing it” called out the nurse

The doctor looked over his shoulder at the girl waiting “you came with her”

Lauren stepped forward “yes...I found her... in the car”

“What did she take, I can smell alcohol, but what else?”

Lauren couldn’t think, she wasn’t there “I.... I don’t know”

“Doctor we losing her again, ahhh shit her breathing stopped.” yelled the nurse

Lauren tried to process every conversation she had with Toni

“Sleeping pills, her mum has sleeping pills.” Yelled Lauren

The doctor nods and once Toni was breathing they injected something into her stomach.

Lauren smiled when Toni’s body convulsed

“Here it comes, roll her, roll her” yelled a nurse

Lauren couldn’t see, but heard Toni throw up, and her faint cries then it went quiet again.

---

It took over an hour to stabilize Toni’s condition, then she was moved to a private room. Lauren sat next to her, holding her hand and stroking it. A machine was breathing for her.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner, but I’m here now.... I’m not going to abandon you.” squeezing Toni's hand tighter

Lauren heard other voices and looked up at the doorway. A doctor, Toni’s mum and another man came towards them. Lauren thought it would be the father

“I have been working in this hospital all day, why didn’t someone come and get me.” growled Toni’s father. I am a fucking doctor for christ sake, and this is my daughter you should have paged me.”

Lauren got up, feeling invisible. The doctor faced Toni’s parents as they moved closer to Toni.

“We don’t know if there is any permanent brain damage until we run more tests. At the moment we just want to clean out her lungs of the carbon monoxide and let the sleeping pills work through her system.

Toni’s mum cried and went over to her “oh my baby... what happened to you. Why is her face all bruised?”

The doctor shrugged “I don’t know, her body is also badly bruised. It looks as if she was in a fight.”

“If it wasn’t for this young lady, Antonia would be dead.”

Toni’s mother’s eyes lifted to Lauren and recognizes her immediately. Lauren stood still as Toni’s mum came towards her. Lauren wanted a hug so much, but what she got was a firm grip and being shaken

“What did you do... what did you do to my baby”

“Nothing.... I”

“She was not messed up until you came into her life, what did you do to her?”

“This wasn’t because of me....you have no idea what goes on in your own daughter’s life. If you did, you would know of her pain, her guilt... about Hailey. You go about like it doesn’t exist and Toni just held it all in until today. How did you not know she was in pain? That she needed help.” cries Lauren.

“The first time I met her she had pain written all over her fucking face. Why do you think she would get into fights, do dangerous things? It was to try and feel something... to feel anything, other than the dead, loneliness she was feeling inside.” Lauren shakes her head, sobbing loudly “it was you who messed her up”

Toni’s mother pushes Lauren away “get out, get out of my daughter’s room and if you come anywhere near her again I will call the police.”

Lauren ran from the hospital, into her car and drove away

---

Two weeks after her suicide attempt Toni was at home lying on her bed reading a book. She didn’t go to school anymore; she was home schooled and was regularly seeing doctors, psychiatrist, psychologist and blood tests.

A small knock came at her window. Toni shifted her head to look. She got up and opened the window. The visitor crawled in and gently closes the door to Toni’s room.

“C’mon, get your gear... lets go.” Lauren grabs a bag from Toni’s wardrobe and throws it on the bed “pack some stuff”

“Why?” Toni was confused

Lauren looked at her “because you are leaving with me tonight”

“ummm I don’t know, I’m not allowed to go out after dark, I don’t think my parents will let me”

Lauren looks at Toni. Her face softens, hugs and kisses Toni then breaks apart “we are not going to tell them”

“I don’t’ know” Toni sits on the bed. She rubs her head feeling in a daze

“What’s wrong, Toni....” Lauren could now see Toni’s glassy eyed look, and confused state.

“What have they done to you?” She looks at the bedside table where two bottles sat. She picks them up

“What are these?”

Toni closes her eyes to concentrate “ummm that’s for my depression... and that is to keep me calm, stop me from doing bad things.”

Lauren’s eyes filled with tears “They’ve drugged you, this is the help they are giving you. They are doping you up.... oh Toni....this isn’t right” Lauren kisses Toni, touches her face tenderly

Lauren’s shakes her head, now feeling anger towards Toni’s parents. “You have to leave, if you stay here.... this isn’t a life. They can’t keep you prisoner and drugged for the rest of your life, it’s too cruel.”

“I don’t’ know..” Toni couldn’t make a decision one way or another

“I’m leaving, tonight” said Lauren

“How long?”

“I’m not coming back.”

“Lauren.... no” Toni whines

“Then come with me, you don’t need fucking pills. I will take care of you”

“I......” Toni stutters not sure what to say “ don’t know Lauren, I just don’t know”

“Can you tell me something you do know.” asked Lauren wanting to hear it

Voices disturbed the moment. “You have to go Lauren”

“You have 5 minutes, meet me at end of the street. If you are not there, I’m going.”

The door to Toni’s room is opened. “Honey, remember what we talked about, no closing of your door.”

“yeh, sorry forgot”

“Have you taken your pills?”

“yes father, both.”

---

Lauren looked at her watch, it was nearly 6 minutes. She started the car and drove off. She wiped the slow dropping tears when something appeared in front of her car. She jumped on the brakes bring the car to a screeching stop. She stared at the person standing in front of her car. Lauren leans over and opened the passenger side door.

Toni climbed in and closed the door. She looks over at Lauren “Lauren” she whines

Lauren took the rest of Toni’s words in a kiss. “I know.... and it’s going to hurt for a while. But by loving and letting someone love you is better than taking any damn fucking pills Toni” she touches her face

“Lauren” Toni wipes away Lauren's tears

“yeh”

“I rather feel this pain of loving you, than the emptiness of the past two years. I want to feel it, cos it means I’m still alive”

“Yes....you are.”

 coming soon Messed Up part 2 - New Beginnings

Lauren drove on into the night. She occasionally glanced over to her passenger who was asleep, although from time to time would whimper as if she was in a bad dream. Lauren’s eyes grew heavy and knew she had to get off the road. She found a motel and drove in, cutting both the lights and engine freewheeling.

She helps a groggy Toni out and they find an empty room furthers from reception. Lauren tried to jimmy the door but was having no luck. Toni stepped in with her knife and chipped away before slamming her shoulder into the door to forcibly push it open. The door gave way a little too easily and Toni still doped up and unsteady on her feet, fell in. Lauren closed the door and helped Toni up and onto the bed. Lauren closed the blinds and turned bedside lamp on. She looked at Toni who had her head in her hands looking miserable.

Lauren went to her and dropped down in front holding her face. “It’s going to be alright, this crap will wear off. C’mon lets have a shower.”

“I don’t have any energy”

“I’ll help you, c’mon stand up”

Lauren undresses Toni and puts her in the shower then joins her. Toni clung onto Lauren, dropping her head onto her shoulder. Lauren’s holds her for a moment then washes her gently.

After the shower Toni sat on the bed while Lauren dries her hair. Lauren raided the fridge and grabbed drinks and chocolate bars. Toni drank but refused to eat.

“C’mon you haven’t eaten anything,”

“I don’t want anything, I’m not hungry.”

Toni eventually climbed into bed. “I feel I’m trapped Lauren, everything is so fuzzy. I feel so miserable.” Toni sobs

Lauren crawled in behind and rolled her. She touched Toni’s face and kissed her softly. “You’ll get through this.” Lauren wrapped her arms around Toni, holding her throughout the night.

Lauren stirred to the sound of heavy vehicles roaring along the highway. She rolled over and found Toni’s side empty. Lauren sat up and called out. She noticed Toni’s clothes were gone and swore.

She dressed quickly and was almost to the door when it opened. In front was Toni carrying various food items from MacDonald’s.

“Hey... I wasn’t sure what you liked and well I’m really hungry so I just got 3 of everything.”

“Toni”

Toni put the stuff down on the table and drank her orange juice “hmmm, c’mon it’s getting cold”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going? You shouldn’t be crossing that highway by yourself”

“I feel fine” Toni with a smile “honest”

Lauren hadn’t seen a smile on Toni’s face since that day they fooled about with each other in the school toilet cubicle.

Toni sat down and started munching into her hamburger. Lauren eventually sat, they ate and talked.

“So where are we going?” asked Toni with her mouthful

Lauren wipes Toni’s mouth of excess food “I dunno... I just wanted to get you far away from your parents. I can’t believe they thought doping you up was the answer”

Toni nodded “yeh as well as chaining me up at night time.”

“What.. that’s bullshit, those bastards” growl Lauren. She noticed a smirk appearing on Toni’s face “You bitch, you’re lying” hits her.

Toni grabs her hand “thank you.... for taking me with you.”

“I told you in the hospital, I wouldn’t abandon you.”

Lauren was dressing while Toni packed all she could steal from the motel room. She looked over at Lauren as she brushed her hair. She went over and put her hands around Lauren’s waist.

“You know, since we don’t have to be anywhere... I guess there is no hurry to leave.”

Lauren went to say something but was stopped by Toni’s lips, and then her tongue drifting in and playing with Lauren’s. Lauren had all but given in to Toni.

“I don’t think” Lauren went to speak

Toni ignored and picked her up, placing her down on the bed. She pinned Lauren underneath her, looking into her eyes.

“I promised myself if I ever saw you again, I was going to do what I’ve been fantasizing about since that day in the toilet.”

Lauren engrossed in kissing Toni didn’t know what she meant but didn’t care as she wanted more of Toni. They pulled their shirts off and their lips tasting, licking, exploring each other. Lauren impatiently wanted more and had already opened her pants and trying to pull them down. Toni helps her.

“How ever did you cope when I was in hospital” tossing her pants to the floor, Lauren laying naked

“Cold fucking showers” her tongue finding the depths of Toni’s mouth again, groaning when Toni’s hand and fingers worked into her.

Toni’s mouth moved from Lauren’s nipples to her stomach. She moved further down grasping her hips.

Lauren suddenly aware of Toni’s travels and stopped her

“hey... whoa what are you doing?”

Toni smirked “what I’ve wanted to do ever since I tasted you”

Lauren blushed, something Toni had never seen her do before “you can’t... you shouldn’t”

Toni pushed Lauren’s hands away “I can.... I must....and I am, trust me”

Lauren head dropped back down apprehensive about Toni’s expedition south.

Toni nuzzled closer to her prize, part of her wanted to literally dive in and take her. However she decided to take it slow so they can both enjoy the moment. She drifted her tongue into Lauren’s wet slit, licking up the sweetness oozing from Lauren’s anticipation. She ate hungrily, swallowing more, searching and finding all the spots that made Lauren’s body come alive

It started out as a slow rush for Lauren but quickly built into a runaway train. She looked down at Toni who was busy working. Her senses lost in the wetness between her legs. Every spot Toni found with her tongue made Lauren want to cry, scream, to do something physically. The feeling was more intense than her first time with Toni and crazy thoughts that if Toni stopped at this point she would literary kill her.

“Oh fucking hell Toni” groaned Lauren between panting and grunting. She felt her body slipping, her peak reached

Toni felt it and licked continuously at the spot Lauren had forced her to. “Oh fuck... oh fuck”

She screamed through her climax and in frustration grabbed Toni by the hair and dragged her up. Toni although in pain did as she was commanded and found Lauren’s lips to hers in a fiery, uncontrollable kiss. Lauren slowly came down from her high and just lies on her back puffing, staring up at the ceiling. Toni looked over smirking, proud of her success. There would be no going back to the old way.

Lauren eventually looks over at Toni “there’s that damn smirk again”. She laughs at first then turns serious. “What you did to me.. I don’t think I can do it to you, I don’t feel comfortable”

Toni although disappointed nodded “that’s ok... doesn’t mean I’m not going to do it that way to you again. It was amazing, satisfying and definitely arousing.” Giving off a hint

Lauren sat up “and it doesn’t mean I’m not going to fool around with you either” and launched at Toni, within moments bought her to a much needed climax.

“I guess we should go” announces Toni as she starts to rise

Lauren grabs her before she could leave the bed “we are starting a new life.... right”

“yes... just you and me”

“Never going back to our old lives”

“Lauren I am not going back.... why? What’s this about?”

“I want us to leave our old ways behind, no more stealing anything. We start a fresh.”

“No more stealing, you mean go straight?” confirmed Toni

Lauren thought about it “Ummm Toni.... we aren’t straight... I mean you and me”

Toni jumped from the bed and started dressing “Lauren... we are what we are at this moment, at this point in our lives. We are two people that want to be with each other, that need each other. ”

Lauren got the sense Toni didn’t want to get into talking about their situation and let it be.

Toni took a breath “But I agree, a fresh start, no more stealing anything”

Once in the car they counted out their money

Toni huffed “ $110.60 is all we have. Not going to get us far”

Lauren turns the car on “why don’t we fill up, and when the tank is ¾ empty that’s where we stay.”

Toni shrugged “ok”

They drove to the closest service station and filled up. Toni went in and paid, she then waited in the driver’s seat for Lauren. When Lauren eventually returned, she opened up her shirt dropping out a bottle of cola and packet of chips.

“Please tell me you paid for that?” growled Toni

“We haven’t got much money Toni”

“But you said we are making a fresh start, no more stealing.”

“well yeh, but this”

“no buts.... we are not going back to our old ways, so take it back inside and pay for it”

“no....”

“Lauren”

“I said no” Lauren growls defiantly

Toni hissed “fine, I’ll fucking do it” grabbed the items and went back inside to the attendant. She put stuff on the counter “my friend forgot to pay for this, so I’d like to fix it up thanks”

The guy looked at her then the black car in the drive way “you mean she stole it”

Toni took a breath “no.... it was a misunderstanding. She thought I had paid for the stuff when I paid the petrol.”

He laughed “that’s crap... she stole”

Toni growled “fuck sake mate if she stole the stuff do you think I would be in here paying for this shit. No I would be down the road with my finger in the air. Now either let me pay for the shit or I leave it here.”

Toni got in the car and threw the stuff at Lauren, then drove off. No words were spoken for ten minutes followed by Lauren laughing. Toni looked over and was about to growl but was nice to see Lauren happy and relaxed

Toni looked at her briefly “don’t do that again”

Lauren nodded “ok.....as from now, no more stealing, I promise”

Toni dropped her head back hoping it was going to be easier done than said.

The tank was at ¾ empty and the next town had no accommodation so they half filled the car and kept driving. They pulled over and rested, Toni started thinking about the last few weeks.

Lauren watched Toni’s body language change “talk to me” worried she might slip back into her depression

“What if they come looking for us..... for me, after what I did.” Toni becoming scared

Lauren grabbed Toni’s hand squeezing it “No.... it’s not going to happen. I caught up with Seth and Josh. They ran when they heard the gun shots that night. Both told the police they had been mugged and beaten up. Anyway I told them I’d killed Ritchie and they would be next if they said anything”

“But you didn’t... I did”

Lauren held Toni’s hand with both of hers. “yeh and if you hadn’t fought back you would be dead. It was just like that night with your sister, you fought your attacker and you lived”

Toni tears feel “but Hailey didn’t, sometimes I wish our places were reversed”

Lauren didn’t like where this conversation was heading “I know this is going to sound horrible, but I’m glad they aren’t. Call me selfish but if you hadn’t come into my life, I probably would be in jail or worse, dead.”

Toni started to smile “But I didn’t come into your life, you came into mine.. It was you who jumped me in the lunch room remember, evil barbie”

“Toni” she warned

“You so wanted to scratch my eyes out in the principal’s office, e v i l...baribie” taunted Toni

“I think you should drive on Antonia “

Toni started the car and they drove off.

It was after 9 pm when they made it to a little town called Langford. They pulled up at a small caravan and cabin park. The sign displayed vacancies although not lit up too well. They drove in and stopped at reception.

Toni knocked on the door and a man opened the door. “l was wondering if you had some cabins available.”

The greying man gruffed “don’t get many stopping in this late”

“oh.... well just need a place for a few days” stumbled Toni, hoping he was going to let them stay

He looked at the car “you got someone in there?”

“umm yeh my friend, she’s very tired, we both are”

“hmmmm well cabin is $20.00 per night”

Toni groans. They only had $60.00 left

“Caravan is $10.00 per night”

“I only have $40.00 until we can find jobs. Do you know of any place in town hiring people?”

“No idea, don’t go into town much. You have 4 days, $40.00. Caravan is down the end.” He grumbled on “ Any trouble I will evict, that means no revving that thing to annoy the patrons. I will call the police if you give me any trouble.”

“There will be no trouble, just want a place to stay”

Toni left with the key. Toni looks at her reflection in the reception window. He was right to stereotype her, she looked exactly like someone that would cause trouble. She drove down towards the back of the park, it looked like most cabins and caravans were vacant. He could have rented them one closer thought Toni. They pulled up at a rundown looking van.

Toni stepped inside first and turned the light on. The van was small with an electric stove and fridge on side and a small table for two opposite. The place included a small TV and a double bed with two bed side cupboards for their clothes, not that they had much in the way of clothes.

Lauren stepped in and put her bag on the table “what a shit..... hole” she looked around

Toni walked to the bed, turns around looking at the place “well.... it’s our shit hole for at least 4 days. This is the first real thing we own and it’s legit.” She sits on the bed, kicks her shoes off and sits back “it’s all ours Lauren”

Lauren nodded as it sunk in “yeh.... it’s not so bad. It has TV.” She turns it on and got nothing but static at first. The only station they got was in Greek. She laughed. “oh well”

Toni was on her back rubbing her face. She was tired from all the travelling “hmmmm, we worry about jobs and stuff tomorrow”

Lauren looked at her lover just lying there. She kicked off her shoes and crawled up the bed and over Toni whose eyes were closed

“Toni”

“hmmm” her eyes still close

Lauren kissed her and Toni kissed back but didn’t offer any more effort

“hey.... I think we should christen our new home” she says mischievously

“yeh, but tomorrow babe... I’m tired”

“I have a cure for that” she slipped her tongue into Toni’s mouth and kiss her again..

Toni didn’t return it at first but found her body slowly waking to Lauren’s persistence, returned the kiss slowly but still wasn’t making a big effort.

Lauren lifts Toni’s top and played with her breast, squeezing it before devouring it. She teased the nipple, running her tongue around before sucking on it harder. Toni’s body started to react, her breathing laboured. A groan passes from her lips as her body arches to Lauren’s touch.

Lauren’s hand played with Toni’s pants, unbuttoning and pulling down the zipper. She rubbed her hand inside, massaging Toni. Toni body was waking up, becoming more involved, although too slowly for Lauren.

Lauren got from the bed to pull off Toni’s pants then climbed back. Her hand was massaging through Toni’s patch. “I bet I know what will wake you up sleeping beauty” she went back to flicking at Toni’s nipples before moving down.

Toni’s eyes still closed enjoying the moment “yeh what”

Lauren got off Toni for a moment and onto the floor. Toni’s eyes suddenly flew open when she felt Lauren’s tongue inside her. “Lauren, what the fuck”

Lauren was spearing her hole and Toni was bucking into her. Lauren had thought about doing this all day to her. She didn’t think she could go down on her, but the more she thought about it, the hornier it made her.

Toni hips moved away but Lauren grabbed them “you aint going anywhere until I’ve finished fucking you with my tongue” growled Lauren

Toni’s body melted with her words and grabbed her own head in frustration. Lauren licked up and down, taking in Toni’s juices, washing over her face. She remained at Toni’s spot, as it produced the most sounds.

Toni groans and grunts, coming quick and loud. She called out Lauren’s name as she climaxed. Lauren slowly removed herself from Toni’s pussy and wiped her face.

“I do believe I enjoyed that.....” smirks Lauren

Toni now blushing put hand over her face to hide her embarrassment. Lauren jumped on top and they just tussled with each other, laughing, eventually falling asleep.

Lauren woke first, feeling hungry. She wasn’t in the mood for chocolate bars or chips. She poked at Toni

“Hey... I’m hungry... how much money we got.”

Toni still tired grunted and rolled away. Lauren rolled her eyes, got up and reached inside Toni’s pocket pulling out a handful of small notes. Enough for shared breakfast, maybe some fuel. They needed to get jobs.

Toni felt the covers disappear from her semi naked body. She sits up and growls

“What’d you do that for?”

“I’m hungry, we need to get jobs, you can sleep tonight”

“ohhh Lauren I’m tired” whines Toni

“ohhhh Toni” imitates Lauren “ toughen up princess, get dressed and lets go.”

“Bitch” Toni snarls

Lauren didn’t take kindly to Toni’s retort “if you ever want me to go down on you again shit head, I’d watch the attitude”

Toni apologies then smirked “but it’s my attitude that made you fall for me”

Lauren eyes narrowed “Trust me it had nothing to do with your attitude, I still hate your attitude... it reminds me of Ritchie.”

Toni was quiet at the comparison “then why did you fall for me? Or was I just an excuse to get out of town?” starting to feel like she was being used

Lauren could see this was heading into a fight “You know, I can see we both are not morning people. So get dressed, get in the car and let’s get some coffee before I kill you.”

Toni softens her tone “you wouldn’t dare”

Lauren held her hands open “I’m wearing your jacket, it has the knife”

Toni dressed but she was cold “can I wear my jacket”

Lauren left the van “no... it’s mine now, deal with it bitch”

Toni could see the smirk from Lauren’s face and followed her happily to their car.

The town was only 5 minutes up the road so they parked and sat inside a cafe. They only had $20.00 between them until they could find jobs.

They ordered 1 serve pancakes and large coffee. They shared it between them while Toni looked through the paper for employment.

Lauren looked around the cafe and notice some change just sitting on the table. She thought about it, the extra 3 dollars.

“Don’t even think about it Lauren” warned Toni not looking up from the paper

Lauren chuckled “I was only thinking, not....” she saw a sign wanting waitresses “ hey they want staff, we can get a job here”

“You try for that, there’s a job here at a crash repair. I can fiddle with cars, at least something good came from Ritchie.”

Lauren grabbed Toni’s hand hard. Toni flinched “ouch”

“Nothing good came from him... you remember that. In fact I don’t want his name mentioned again.”

Toni face showed sadness “If you think nothing good came from it, then why did you fall for me, if you did that is?”

Lauren groans but when she saw the pain in Toni’s face dropped her eyes in shame.

“Toni.....despite what you were going through, all your pain, the way I treated you... you still saved my life. Then that day in your house you needed someone and I wanted to be that someone. I wanted to be the one to save you.”

Lauren dropped her head back and sighed

“I don’t know how to put my feelings into words, but I’ve never felt like this about anyone Toni... I mean anyone. I’ve never wanted to be with anyone like I want to be with you. You are my strength, my....weakness and...... .”

Toni looked away “a girl”

Lauren nodded in agreement “yeh I know that” she laughs “I don’t know what more to say, except it doesn’t feel wrong if that’s what you’re asking. I don’t have any regrets and I don’t care that you don’t have a dick between your legs”

Toni blushed and couldn’t look at Lauren after that comment. Lauren pushed her plate towards Toni “eat the last bit, I’m going to try and get this position.”

Toni grabs her “good luck. I’m heading over to the garage and see if they’ll take me. Ummm should I kiss you or something?” Unsure on whether she should display her affection

Lauren pinched her cheek and smiled “not unless you want my fist in your face”

Toni nodded her head and made a mental note that Lauren didn’t want to display their affection in public.

Toni went to the garage and spoke to the owner Al. He wasn’t looking for a mechanic or panel beater but someone that could spray paint cars. Toni had some minor experience in that which she picked up from Ritchie. Her preference was for mechanics but she accepted the job. She asked for some pay in advance just to see her through the week. He gave her $50.00 and she started tomorrow

She waited outside the cafe when Lauren came out with a smile

“You got it” asked Toni

“Yep, and you”

“uh huh, and upfront $50.00, we need petrol, food and lets just have a look around this lakeside town.”

They got back to their van late afternoon with minimal groceries and put them away. Toni eventually got a channel in english and they watched the black and white show from their bed. Eventually they became disinterested in the TV and more in each other.

In between long kisses Toni spoke “We are going to make it babe, this is a great start”

Lauren snatched at her lips agreeing. “hmmmm uh huh”

“I can’t wait till we saved enough money and we can go on a holiday, get a house.” Continued on Toni

Lauren tongue moved in and out of Toni’s mouth “hmmm I was thinking more on a better van, better TV.”

Toni smiled “If we get a better TV, means we wouldn’t be doing this.”

Lauren agreed then told her to stop talking and provide more of the action.

Once Lauren was satisfied “so what’s for dinner”

“Well we have a can of chicken soup, we have a can of spaghetti, can of sausages and sauce, I can boil some eggs.”

“Why didn’t we get some meat” she groans

“Well... we couldn’t afford it”

“But you got beer”

“Hey only two cans, one for you and”

“I don’t drink beer you idiot” growled Lauren

“Hey I didn’t know... I don’t know much about you....” Toni sat up “We don’t really know much about each other. What we like or dislike.”

Lauren grinned before snatching another kiss “but you know what I like”

Toni got up and dressed “apart from sex, there’s got to be more to us than that.”

Lauren sat on the bed “are you going to cook dinner”

Toni folded her arms “me... what about you, what’s wrong with you doing it.”

Lauren shrugged “you’re older” she justifies

“You’re more of a girl than me” sends back Toni

“You will not get sex tonight” said Lauren seriously.

Toni glares at Lauren for a moment longer before conceding “Fine spaghetti on toast then” huffs Toni, but with a slight grin

“hmmm my favourite. I’m going to have a shower back in 10 mins”

Lauren was on her way to the shower block when she bumped into the old guy, the owner. She nodded when he stopped

“I’ve had some complaints about the noise you two have been making”

Lauren looked around, there was hardly anyone in the place and their van was parked furthest away.

“What noise, we haven’t been making noise. The TV is kept low, we drive the car in slowly.”

His eyebrow raised and she nodded “ooooh that noise.” Her eyes narrowed and she sneered “maybe you shouldn’t be listening in on people when they are making those noises.” She looked at his name tag “George, but in future I will ask my friend to keep it down.” She leaves quickly

Toni was just dishing up when Lauren came back all clean and fresh. She sat down to her meal and couldn’t look at Toni, just smiling to herself

Toni was trying to work her out “what... what’s going on in that little mind of yours”

“I bumped into old George”

“George, who’s that?”

“I guess he’s the owner of this run down joint. I don’t know how it makes money, everything is falling apart.”

“Oh well, so what did he say”

Lauren was trying not to laugh. “He says you make too much noise, and you have to quieten down”

“What the fuck, I don’t make any noise. I make sure the car just idles into his god damn park. The TV is fucking useless so what the fuck is he on about” she starts eating her meal

Lauren held herself from falling apart “No he was referring to something else. So what other possible noises do you make?” Lauren wanted to collapse with laughter because Toni wasn’t seeing it.

Toni shrugs “I don’t know”

Lauren throws her head back “Oh Lauren.... Lauren, yes yes don’t stop, don’t stop baby”

Toni went red and pushed her food away. She got up, and stormed from the van.

Lauren wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction.

Toni had tears of embarrassment. She walked down the park, kicking the stones. She found a swing in the playground and sat there. She didn’t know why she was crying, she was so confused. She started to feel unsure of herself, leaving her parents, whether she had made the right choice with Lauren. She started to shake from cold and bad thoughts, she wrapped her arms tightly around herself as if holding herself back from something.

She felt a jacket put around her shoulders and someone standing in front. A hand went on Toni’s head, stroking her hair

“I’m sorry Toni, I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

Toni stood up and wiped her face “It’s alright, just bit of fun I guess”

Lauren was starting to read Toni’s moods a little better ”No... it wasn’t. But something is bothering you and we should talk about it.”

“No it’s not”

“You say we don’t know anything about each other, like we were just thrown together and yeh we were. So let’s get to know each other. I know when you are going to that dark place, you wrap your arms around your body, like you are trying to stop something.”

Toni shrugged “I just feeling a little....”

“A little what”

“Scared....It’s just all of a sudden this world got really big, life got really hard.... really quick, I don’t know if I’m doing it right. And now some old codger is listening to us having sex, we have no privacy.... I can see that hole again Lauren and I get scared I’m going to slip down into it and never come back.”

“You’re not thinking of killing yourself again.”

Toni didn’t say anything

“Look it’s ok, just tell me, I can make it go away without any drugs.”

“yeh... taking your car and driving into the lake.”

Lauren shook her head, clenched her teeth and punched Toni in the face sending her to the ground. She stood over Toni menacingly and grabbed her shirt.

“I’m used to bringing myself up and I’m not afraid of this big world, not anymore because I have you. You make everything all right and we are doing it right, because we are living the way we want and if that old codger wants to listen to us have sex, well good for him. I hope he enjoys it half as much as we do. “

Toni touched her lip it was bleeding. Lauren helped her up “Now.....do you still want to drive my car into the lake”

“If I say yes, are you going to punch me again.?’

“Fuck yeh, I said you wouldn’t need drugs to get through this.”

“So beating me up is your way of helping.” Whines Toni

Lauren walked off and laughed loudly “fuck off Antonia... you loved it. Now are you coming, I want to make sure George hears every one of your orgasms.” Lauren screams around the park.

Toni walks after Lauren with a smile. She did only need one drug, and it was called Lauren.

Their four days were up so Toni went to reception to pay for another week. When she walked in an oldish woman came to the counter. Her name tag said Dot.

“Can I pay for another week please” she asked quiet tone

“Are you planning to stay permanently?”

“umm well we have jobs, and we trying to save a bit. Can we stay?”

The woman smiled “Of course dear, how is your young friend feeling?”

Toni blushed “Ummm fine, why? How much for a week”

“$40.00”

“ummm that was for 4 days.”

“$40 will be fine pet. Well I heard her throwing up this morning.”

Toni shrugged “Must be my cooking”

2 weeks passed by and Lauren was more irritable than usual. Toni wanted to take her to the doctor but both knew they didn’t have the money. Lauren said she was tired wouldn’t talk about it.

One morning Toni had already caught local bus into town since Lauren had a late morning shift she was left the car. She just got in her car when she wanted to throw up. She opened the door just in time. She got out and leaned against the car and threw up again. As she hadn’t eaten or drunk much all she could do was heave.

She got into work late and quickly started her shift. After a short while Lauren retired out behind the cafe where the staff would go for smoke breaks. Lauren was still being sick. One of the other waitresses came out

“Hey we really need you in there.” Said Josie

“I’ll be in, in a minute. I just....” Lauren was about to heave again “I can’t stop, all morning and the other morning. I can’t get rid of this stomach virus.”

Their boss came out and growled at them both

“We have customers’ ladies, no time for gossiping, do it on your own time”

Josie nodded “she’s just taking some breaths, she’s sick Cheryl”

Cheryl walked to Lauren. “Josie, she doesn’t need you out here”

Lauren was nearly in tears “please don’t fire me, I just need a few moments. I really need this job”

Cheryl looked at the gaunt thing “Lauren... when was the last time you had your period”

“huh, I don’t know...look I’m fine. I’ve been a little stressed lately, just broke up with my boyfriend so please cut me some slack”

“How long has this nausea feeling been going on?”

“I don’t know... few days, a week.”

“Honey, I’m no doctor... but I’d say you’re pregnant”

Lauren head spun “what... no... no..way, not..... possible” she groaned

“Not possible.... so you haven’t had unprotected sex in the last 4 to 6 weeks.”

Lauren closes her eyes and Cheryl took that as a yes “you need to take a pregnancy test Lauren”

“shit shit... this can’t be happening.”

“After your shift, go to the chemist and get a preg test kit.”

Lauren shook her head “I can’t, I haven’t got money to spend on that, I’m not pregnant” she says unconvincingly

She goes back inside and works out remainder of her shift. She was just about to leave when Cheryl came to her with $20.00.

“Here, get yourself a test kit”

“I don’t need it”

“Fine, if you’re so sure you haven’t missed your period, that you haven’t been throwing your guts up every morning and you just want to scream at people for no reason, then don’t take the money.”

Lauren looked at the twenty dollar note, then takes it putting it in her pocket.

She walks into a pharmacy and looks at the different kits.

“Do you need help?”

Lauren jumped “ummm” she wanted to burst into tears for no reason “I would like a test kit, I only have 20 dollars.”

She paid for it and went to the nearest public toilet. She followed the instructions and waited. She paced the small toilet cubicle looking at her watch pleading the result to be negative. She looked at the indicator and discarded it into the bin immediately.

She took another test and waited for the results. When she looked at the indicator again confirming she was pregnant, she sat down and burst into tears.

Lauren parked her car outside Toni’s work. She went into reception and asked to speak to Toni. She had no idea what she was going to say, or what Toni’s reaction would be. She just wanted her.

Toni appeared and before she could say anything Lauren burst into tears. Toni grabbed her and hugged her “Oh my god, what’s wrong... you lost your job... let me guess you tipped coffee over someone.”

Lauren pushed her away and spat “I have not lost my job. You must think I’m a total fucking loser.”

Toni kicked the ground “sorry... no... just you’re upset”

“Well you aren’t the only one that has moments of darkness, who feels the whole world is against you. But I guess I have to be the strong one all the fucking time.”

“Calm down Lauren, what’s the matter?”

“Just fuck off, like you care.” Lauren stormed off leaving Toni bewildered.

Toni went back into the paint room, her head still reeling from Lauren’s outburst.

“Hey Toni is that your girl” sniggered a fellow worker

“Shut up Alex.” She went back to finishing the car when her boss came in

“Don’t let me see that foul mouth bitch come in here again. I don’t want my customers having to put up with that.”

“Ok Al.” nodded Toni, nervous she could lose her job

“She’s a feisty one, real nice piece” laughs Alex

Toni felt the heat explode and stormed over to Alex grabbing him by the overalls, slamming him to the wall

“You ever say anything like that again about Lauren and I’ll fucking cut your balls off.”

Alex swallowed, nodding ok

Al came over and broke them up “Get back to work both of you, anymore trouble out of you Toni and you’re on your ear. You’ve had your first and last warning.”

Toni finished up her day and was sitting on the bus thinking what had gotten into Lauren.

She got off at the park, now fuming at the way Lauren came at her, nearly costing her job. She was definitely going to have it out with her.

Toni stepped into the van and threw her bag to the table. She took her jacket off and threw that down as well. Lauren was lying down on their bed; she didn’t acknowledge or say anything to Toni’s dramatic entrance. The van was in darkness so Toni switched the light on.

Toni stood at the end of the bed “well.... don’t you think you owe me an explanation about today. I nearly got fired because of your antics.”

“I’m sorry” mumbled Lauren

“You’re sorry, well that’s just fucking fantastic. Now can you give me a reason why you came in and ripped my fucking head off in front of my boss and his customers?”

“I was just having a bad day, I’m sorry” Lauren showed no real empathy

“A bad day... how bad could it possibly be. Lauren will look at me.”

She sits on the bed and tries to roll Lauren but she resisted. “Lauren” her tone on the rise again

“I’m sorry....” bursts into tears “ just leave me alone”

“No.... “ rolls her again, this time pins her “Tell me what’s wrong, right now”

“I can’t, I’m so ashamed.... oh god I’m so sorry I’ve messed up.”

Toni stood up and backed away almost tripping over her feet. She feared this day and her eyes were stinging with tears

“You’ve met someone else. You’re dumping me for some guy, just tell me and get it over with”

Lauren shook her head “No.... Toni.” Lauren groans “I’m..... pregnant”

Toni didn’t move as she processed the information. “How did that happen?”

Lauren gave her a look

“I mean,.......I know how, didn’t you use protection, condoms and stuff.”

Lauren rolled her eyes “I tried to get the pill, but no doctor would give it to me on the account I was too young. And yes Toni we used condoms sometimes.”

“Sometimes” scoffs Toni

“yeh and sometimes Ritchie didn’t use them. Don’t you get it; it was always on Ritchie’s terms. If I wasn’t in the mood for sex, he would make me have it anyway. You’re not the only one who’s been raped Toni. The only difference, I was repeatedly raped, which meant no condoms. So now can you see how it happened?”

Toni sat down and rubbed her face trying to think. Lauren cried openly “I’m sorry Toni, but you don’t need to worry.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to get rid of it. I’ll find a clinic and have it terminated”

Toni went over and sat next to Lauren “why.....”

Lauren looked at her in disbelief of that question “Because I don’t want his child. I don’t want to have anything to do with him.”

“But it wouldn’t be his child, it could be ours” Toni said quietly

“Are you kidding me? You want me to keep this, are you crazy? I don’t want to have anything to do with him, that means I don’t want his baby.”

“Ritchie was an arsehole”

Lauren scoffed at the understatement

“Just hear me out. But this isn’t a bad thing, it’s something good. With everything we’ve been through, we moved on, we got jobs and now we have a chance at being a real family.”

“I don’t believe what I’m hearing.” Lauren shakes her head “you want to play mummy and daddy. Well news flash Toni you can’t be a father.”

“yeh but”

“No no no, I don’t want this child, I am not having this child. I’m only fucking 17, what do I know about having a baby.”

“We will learn, it will be so beautiful Lauren” Toni tried to take Lauren’s hands, but she was fended away

“No... I don’t want to, I could never love it. It’s my body, it’s is my choice and I’m getting this thing out of me.”

“I can love this baby because it came from you. I will look after both of you, I promise” She holds Lauren

Lauren cries into Toni... “But every time I look at it, I will see Ritchie and it will remind me of all those times he forced me. What if you got pregnant to that guy who raped you, would you have kept it knowing he was responsible for killing your sister and stealing your virginity. Could you love a hideous thing like that?”

Toni didn’t say anything further, just held Lauren while she cried.

Neither ate anything that night, they just laid in bed. Lauren cried on and off, Toni just held and soothed her. Lauren pulled Toni’s arms around her tighter.

“It’s ok.” Comforted Toni

“You’re angry.” Whimpers Lauren

“no... no way. We will get through this. It’s just a hurdle.”

“So you will come with me to the clinic.” She looks over at Toni

“Yeh sure, if that’s what you want to do.”

Lauren was back at work the next day feeling better and relieved. She told Josie she was pregnant.

“Wow did you tell your boyfriend”

“oh ummm it’s.....”

“It’s not his”

“no...” wanting to get away from the conversation

“So are you going to keep it?”

“No...way, I don’t have the money to raise a child by myself. Plus how I can support myself when I’m pregnant

“Your boyfriend”

“I don’t have one.”

“Oh then who picks you up in the black car with the nice wheel trims.”

“Just a friend Josie, now come on we are busy”

“Is he good” she smirks at Lauren

“What do you mean” serves up breakfast to a customer

She returns to the counter to make the coffees

“You know, is he good in bed? You always come to work happy, except for recent”

Lauren thought about the question and nodded “I’m satisfied, and not just in the bedroom Josie, my life is finally on the right track and Toni. “ she curses herself for mention her name “ I’m in a better place.”

“ahhhhh Tony, is he Italian”

“Shut up girls and get back to work” barks Cheryl

Lauren put her jacket on and put her pay and tips in her jeans.

“Lauren can I have a word” asked Cheryl

“ummm yeh”

“Is it true, you are terminating your baby?”

“yeh... that’s right. I should only need a day off work.”

“Have you ever thought about adopting out?”

“No.... not going through this pain for nothing”

“What if I told you I know of a couple who can’t get pregnant, and would pay up to $10 000 for you to have it. Come and have a chat with me.”

Toni got home at the usual time and smelt something cooking. She doesn’t usually smell cooking because Lauren never cooked. It didn’t smell too bad either.

Toni steps inside to see Lauren bustling in the kitchen. “I’ve got some left over lasagne from the cafe and” opens up the fridge and hands Toni a beer. “beer for you. Dessert is apple pie”

“Wow someone’s happy” kisses Lauren. Lauren didn’t let the kiss go and continued

“Fuck I want you, right now” announces Lauren unashamedly

Toni stopped her “not at the expense of burning my dinner”

All through dinner Lauren smiled and wouldn’t let Toni in on her secret. Once in bed Lauren still wasn’t going to give it up until Toni satisfied her needs, and did so twice.

Lauren stretched as Toni surfaced finally

“Oh I’ll never tire of that” she giggles

Toni sat over her and pinned her. “allllll right you’ve had your fun. Now tell me”

“I don’t know, think you should go down”

Toni snarled playfully “the next time I go down I will tease you to the point of it, then leave you and I will keep doing that.”

“alright.... I’ve found a way of getting us money, a lot of money. We can then move out of this dump, rent a place. I won’t have to pay for medical or anything”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m not going to terminate this baby”

Toni got excited but it was short lived

“My boss has a couple of friends that can’t have children. They will pay me 10 thousand, pay for my medical and put us up in a unit.”

Toni sat back

“Isn’t that great, why aren’t you happy. We could really use the money”

Toni got up and dressed, she couldn’t look at Lauren.

Lauren didn’t understand Toni’s change in mood

Toni rubbed hand through her hair in frustration “yesterday you said you didn’t want it because it’s his baby, even though I think it’s something good, something we can share, you made it clear that you didn’t want it.”

“I still don’t, but at least it will work out in my.... in our favour. Oh c’mon why can’t you be happy?”

“Because I wanted the baby, for us” Toni’s tone rising

“I told you I didn’t want it” Lauren growled back

“Then terminate it”

“What... it can get us 10 grand no way, I’m not giving that up”

“But you are happy to give up a piece of you, throw it away like it’s some unwanted piece of trash. How can you live with yourself? How are you going to feel 20 years down the track when this unwanted trash rocks up wanting to know why you gave him or her up. How do you think he/she will feel when they find out you only did it for the money.”

“Toni” groans Lauren

Toni was now in tears of anguish “I don’t care about the fucking money. I care that I’m going to lose a piece of you, a good piece and I’m already grieving.”

Lauren dropped her head.

Toni continued “I know you are too young to have a child, we both are, I get it, but I would have done all I could to make it work. I would rather you terminate the cluster of cells you are carrying, than give away a piece of you.”

Toni sat on the seat head in her hands “I don’t want to lose you piece by piece Lauren.”

Few days later Lauren and Toni were standing outside an abortion clinic. Toni felt sick at the sight. Lauren was nervous, the more she thought about Toni’s words, the more she agreed. The last thing she wanted was to fall in love with Ritchie’s child and be stuck with it as a reminder of the bad times.

“Will you come in with me” asked Lauren

“Of course. We do this together.” Squeezes her hand and they walk in.

They sit in the clinic with various other women. Most of them looked scruffy, unwashed, types you expect that would want abortions. She looks at Lauren, she fitted into that category as well. She was starting to see Lauren as the 17 year old girl and felt bad for putting pressure on her to keep the baby.

Lauren’s name was called and she left Toni sitting there with the other women. Toni was feeling sick with each minute, now having trouble breathing. She needed to get out of the place. She sat outside on a bench waiting for Lauren.

Lauren eventually came out and sat next to her. “I needed some air, the smell. Are you ok?” asked Toni

“No... “ cried Lauren

Toni put an arm around her shoulder “you made the right decision, because it was your decision to make.”

“Antonia, I feel like shit”

Toni wrapped her arms around Lauren and let her cry “I know, cmon lets get you home”

The next morning Toni was getting ready for work. She looks over at Lauren sleeping peacefully and drops next to her, strokes her head then kisses her softly on the cheek “I love you” she whispered

She left to catch the bus.

Lauren opened her eyes and smiled before rolling over and back to sleep.

That night Lauren dragged Toni into the shower closing the curtain for privacy although no one was in the communal complex. She loved showering with Toni, washing her hair, she loved the way Toni would hold her, caress her but never anymore than that. Toni washed the soap from her hair and wrapped arms around Lauren’s neck.

“You’ve been a little quiet tonight, is everything alright?” Rests head against Lauren’s

“I wasn’t sure if I made the right decision, but as of this morning I knew I had.”

“What are you talking about?” she turns the shower off and grabs the towels

Lauren put her fingers to Toni’s lips “You told me this morning you love me”

“yeh... it’s true, you practically make me show you every night” removing her fingers

“It’s nice to hear it though, just when I really needed to hear it the most.”

“Ohhhh are you going to a dark place now, do I need to hit you” holding up her fist

“Now how bad would you feel hitting a pregnant girl?” Lauren waited for it to sink in.

Toni lowered her fist and swallowed “what...”

“I couldn’t go through with it, dump it like it was trash. It’s not his/her fault this happened.”

Toni dropped her head “so you are going through with it, to sell it”

She pushed Toni’s head up “No... I’m having it for you.”

Toni suddenly felt the weight of the world hit her and her faced showed it.

Lauren could see the fear in Toni’s eyes “This is not the reaction I wanted Toni. I thought you want this, to be a family. All I see is you wanting”

Toni grabbed Lauren’s face and kissed her hard, pressing her to the cold wall. Lauren was confused. Toni broke the kiss and hugged Lauren.

“I love you, your child, all of it.” Drops to her knees and rests against Lauren’s abdomen.

“This will be our child Toni, and will please get up I’m really not in the mood for sex.”

Toni stood up “so this is why you rejected me earlier.” Kisses Lauren’s cheek.

“Toni be serious, we are going to have a baby. I have no fucking idea what to do and I’m scared so please, I need to know you are going to cope, that you are not going to freak out on me because I couldn’t cope, and I can’t do this by myself.” Catches her stutter

“Yes honey I can cope, and no to freak out, well yes freak out OH MY GOD we are having a baby” she screamed around the shower block.

“Congratulations” came a solitary voice.

Toni and Lauren stared at each other not believing anyone else was in there. They quickly dressed and went back to their van.

They sat up and wrote a list of baby names, as well as a list of what they needed. While Lauren slept Toni counted out how much money they had saved which only amounted to 15 dollars.

Saturday afternoon they drifted around a department store in the children section. Lauren was looking at all the baby clothes, toys.

Toni looked at the rows of nappies, the different types of nappies. Then baby formula, bottles and on it went. She mainly took in the prices and swore.

Lauren came up behind her “what’s wrong”

Toni swallowed “I need to get a second job”

Lauren looks at her “me too.”

“No... you’re fine where you are.”

“You can’t do this by yourself Toni......”

“I said I would take care of you both”

“Antonia this is a team effort” she warns

“Don’t call me that, you sound like my mother when she’s fighting with me”

“Well we are going to have a fight if you keep this up.”

“Don’t say it again” warns Toni firmly

“Antonia, do as you are told” she grins, then sticks out her tongue

Lauren’s grin was wiped off her face when Toni grabbed her and kissed her in front of everyone. She backs away and looks at the people who were staring at the scene she’d made.

Toni looked around “she’s having my child” and walks off leaving Lauren feeling embarrassed.

Lauren refused to talk to Toni on the way home after Toni threatens to kiss her in front of anyone if she called her name like that again. It was a cold night as the silent treatment wore on.

The next night Lauren was sitting on bed watching TV. Toni came home and kissed Lauren on the cheek. Lauren grunted, still sulking.

Toni pulled something from her bag and put it in front of Lauren. Lauren looked at the little bear with a love heart that says 'I love you'.

“I thought this would be a nice present for the baby.”

Lauren smiled and looked up “which one” she gets up and hugs Toni

“Jellybean baby, not grumpy mummy baby”

“It’s my hormones” she whines

“Oh how long you going to play that one” teases Toni

“Nine fucking months”

Toni puts finger to her mouth “no more foul language.”

“ohhh who’s all clucky, and righteous” hugs Toni tighter.

Toni hated it when they fight, but like making it up to her. She kisses Lauren and starts rubbing between her legs “I’m about to show you.”

“We shouldn’t, it might hurt the baby”

Toni smiled “you know that’s what I thought and then I got this”

Toni pulls a book from her bag “got this from the library, tells us the dos and don’ts of pregnancy. And sex is good.”

It was all Lauren needed to hear and pushed Toni to the mattress.

At the end of the week Toni went to her boss wanting extra work, shifts, anything but he turned her down. She was just finishing up her day when Alex came over

“I hear you want to earn some cash.”

“yeh... “

“I have a friend who wants his car sprayed.”

“Really...I don’t do stolen stuff Alex” wipes her hands and throws the rag at him

“It’s not, honest. Fine I’ll offer someone else 200 dollars.”

Toni closes her eyes and takes a breath “No, I’ll do it”

Toni got home close to 11pm and was almost dragged through the door

“Where the fuck have you been? I’ve been so worried.. I went to the workshop and it was closed.”

“yeh I..”

“Who is she, huh, I know you’re fucking someone else... so don’t even deny it.” Lauren starting to fly off into a fury

Toni wanted to laugh but knew Lauren’s was capable of thrashing her when she was in one of moods.

“My pocket, reach in”

Lauren pulled out 200 dollars. “You pimped yourself, oh my god.... could it get any worse.”

“Lauren I did a private job. I was not and am not fucking anyone. Will you relax before you give birth here?”

“If I did, it would be all your fault”

Toni didn’t feel like laughing anymore, “sorry” she whispered

Lauren groaned, she knew she was over reacting. “I’m sorry, I just got worried and I thought the worse.”

“You thought the worse is me cheating on you. Not death, but cheating.”

“I can deal with death, cos I can’t do anything about that, but with cheating, well I can do” picks up a knife.

Toni takes the knife from her “ok ok ok , lets just calm down baby.” Says Toni soothingly

Lauren burst into tears “I was worried”

Toni hugged Lauren and kissed her head. Toni wasn’t sure if she was going to survive 9 months of Lauren’s moods.

---

Toni had been working for Alex spraying his friends’ cars. One night Alex approached Toni while she was spraying.

“Look I can’t find my keys and I need to get my mum’s car home.” He points

Toni turns the gun off and takes off her mask and steps from the workshop. She looks at the car and back at Alex.

“That’s your mum’s car.” Looking at the little sporty Honda

“yeh and she doesn’t know I have it, so I need to get it home, get the spare keys and give it back.”

“Alex”

“Please, Toni”

She reaches into her pocket and pulls out her knife flicking it open. Alex jumps out the way and lets Toni passed.

Toni was in the car within seconds and the car started in under a minute. Alex pat her on the back “atta girl, lock up once you’re done.”

A week later at work during Toni’s lunch break Alex sat next to her. “Hold out your hand”

“What the fuck” growls Toni

“You either want this or you don’t”

Alex hands over $500.00. Toni looks at it almost chocking on her sandwich. Alex pats her on the back. “Mum says thank you.”

Toni sat on the bus, her eyes closed. She knew, every inch in her body knew she was boosting a stolen car and was angry, disappointed with herself but they really needed the money. Lauren needed to see a doctor for her first check up, there would be vitamin pills and eating better meals. It all cost money and she felt she had no choice but be pulled back into that world she had agreed to leave behind.

When she got home a note was left to say she was washing their clothes. Toni decided to hide the large sum or else Lauren would get suspicious. She wrapped it in a bag and put it in the small freezer.

After a few weeks Lauren had her first check up and found everything to be normal, except that she needed to eat more and the doctor gave her a prescription for some vitamins to help with baby’s development. The doctor did warn they were expensive, but should make every means to have them.

Toni pulled up at pharmacy, Lauren grabbed her “we can’t afford this. After the doctors bill, this will have to wait.”

“It’s fine, just relax... you’ll stress the baby.”

Lauren looks proudly at her growing belly

“No” says Toni “this baby” points to herself

The script costed $180.00 and Toni handed over the last of her saving. When they got home, someone was waiting at their van. Toni eyes narrowed

“Who’s that” asked Lauren

“Alex from work”

Lauren gets out and acknowledges Alex.

Alex grins “you’re handy work” nodding at Lauren’s stomach

“What are you doing here?” All but snarled Toni

Lauren looked at the pair.

“Lauren can you go inside” spoke Toni, but her eyes didn’t leave Alex

Lauren sensed trouble and stood her ground.

“I said go inside” insisted Toni a lot more firmly

Lauren never heard Toni growl at her in that way. She obeyed, slamming the door.

Once she was inside Toni took Alex aside

“What the fuck are you doing here, just piss off and don’t come back here again.”

“hey I just”

“no... I’m not doing it again, I can’t get involved Alex.”

Lauren had a bad feeling about Alex showing up and from watching Toni’s agitation not all was well.

“c’mon I know you can do it Toni.... he’s going to give me 2 grand and I’ll give you 500.”

“You are so stupid, I’m not busting my balls for 500.”

“Have you got any idea how funny that sounded?”

He soon found Toni’s hand around his neck and her knife at his throat..

Lauren was watching through the window, now nervous from Toni’s reaction. Toni hadn’t shown this type of behaviour since she was involved with Ritchie’s gang. She had a bad feeling she was losing Toni again.

“ok ok ok, I’ll split it, one thousand each.”

Toni stepped back and took a breath

“c’mon man what do you say.”

Toni closes her eyes as all the good she had done was starting to slip away. They needed the money badly and she had no other means to support Lauren and their child.

“fine, fine, when”

“tonight.... meet me outside the bar.”

“Alex...”

“Yes....”

“This is the last time... and I don’t do European cars.”

He nodded and left.

Toni stepped into the van and crashed onto the bed watching TV. Lauren wanted to ask

“I just fucked up at work, he was making fun of me so I got a little rough. Let’s just leave it at that. Oh I have to go out later.”

“ummm where”

“just out.” She didn’t say any more, just watched TV

Toni was about to step out the van when Lauren called to her

“Toni.... be careful”

Toni smiled “always, get some rest....”

Toni had boost the car, fixed it up and ready for Alex to resell it.

“Something tells me you’ve done this before.”

Toni was about to get in her car when Alex grabbed her. We can really make some money Toni.

“I told you no, now give me my money and fuck off.”

Within a week Toni had gone from someone who loved life to being disinterested. She hardly talked, or ate. Lauren tried to gently coax it out of her but Toni clammed up. She wanted to know what was going on in Toni’s life that made her change back to her old self.

One morning Toni was almost out the door for work when Lauren groaned and doubled over.

“you little shit”

Toni looked back “what’ve I done now” she growls

“Not you, this little jellybean in here is kicking the shit out of me.”

“Really” Toni smiled

“Yeh come here, give me your hand”

Lauren grabbed Toni’s hand, lifted her shirt and put it to the side. “Wait for it.”

Toni jumped back in horror “oh my god... that must feel, ummm.. How does that feel?”

“Like I’m being kicked from inside to out.”

“Are you going to be ok?” Toni’s face lights up with a big smile “that’s amazing, I haven’t told you that recently but you’re amazing Lauren.”

“No you haven’t, I know you got stuff on your mind.”

Toni looked away

“and I know you will tell me, when you are ready” she kissed Toni “go on, you’ll be late for work. I need to have a word with our kicking jellybean”

Toni was ecstatic that she had felt their baby moving about. The day had gone by without incident until Alex paid her a visit.

“No.. don’t ask,.. “ she warns

“It’s not that. I’m meeting this guy tonight about a car. He’s been giving me a hard time and well I think he’s trying to swindle me.”

Toni laughs “well that’s the game”

“He owes me 5 grand tonight I know he wants to beat me down to 2. I need help in persuading him, and possibly protection. You know how to handle yourself in a fight.”

Toni groans “Alex... those days are over for me, I have a...”

Alex looks

“I have a baby on the way and Lauren”

“So how’s that all going for you both. Has she had the ultrasound yet, those tests costs $700 easy? Do you know they can tell you what sex your baby is?”

Toni shrugs

“Also if there are any problems with the baby and mother. So has she had one yet?”

Toni closes her eyes, she knew all that. The pressure kept building up inside

Alex leaned in “If we can get this guy to cough up 5 grand, I’ll split it with you. You can walk away clean.”

Toni nodded, it all felt wrong... she didn’t want to do it, but again she had no choice.

She couldn’t wait to get home and see Lauren, she needed a hug, some reassurance that the risks she was taking was all worthwhile. She wanted to feel their baby kick again.

She steps into their van to find Lauren sitting at the small table. On the table was the bag of money that she had hidden in the freezer.

Toni felt sick

“I’m thinking how is this possible Toni for you to come up with 1200 dollars. And then it hits me, the private jobs... you’re stealing cars again aren’t you?”

“Lauren... don’t” growls Toni

“Don’t what... “ spat back Lauren “we promised we wouldn’t do this again. We left our old lives behind, you promised me.”

“yeh well I didn’t have a choice ok. I tried getting other work but this was the only thing that fell into my lap.”

“You stupid, selfish, fucking bitch.” Screams Lauren

“Lauren stop it, I’m doing it for you... you need an ultrasound, there’s more pills. Not to mention nappies, clothes, formulas do I need to fucking go on.”

“I know alright... but this isn’t the way” picks up the money and throws it at Toni.

“It’s the only way I know.” Toni was in tears as she felt everything slipping from her.

Lauren grabs Toni’s collar “and what happens when they catch you huh, what happens to me”

“I’m not going to get caught”

“You will... and then I’m going to be alone. I don’t want to be alone Antonia, please.... I can’t do this without you.” Lauren almost collapses to the floor.

Toni grabs her and rests her on the bed stroking her face.

“I bet you regret me keeping this now” cries Lauren

“No... absolutely not Lauren, I’m glad...I love you.... both of you.” She rests her head on Lauren’s stomach and cries too. “I don’t want to let you down, and it’s what I’ve done, I’m sorry, I just didn’t know what else to do.”

Lauren strokes her head “if you keep this up.... you won’t be around for the birth.. and I can’t look after this baby by myself. It’s all our lives you are messing with Toni, and the two of us really need you and really love you.”

Later that evening Toni was standing at the door. She had her dark, street clothes on, her hood up. Lauren wouldn’t look at her, knew what she was going off to do.

Toni left and drove towards town. Their fight played over and over, she felt trapped. She parked the car a block away from the scene where she’s was to meet Alex. All she had to do was look menacing, but all she really wanted to do was go home and have Lauren hold her.

She looked back at her car contemplating it. “Fuck sake Toni it’s one last time, just get it over with” she growls at herself.

She slowly walks along the dark street, took a breath and peered around the corner. Alex was standing there already talking to someone. She wanted to step out into the light, to let Alex and the stranger know she was there but she didn’t. Something wasn’t right, she pressed back against the wall and peered around again.

The car parked just in front of the corner she was peering around had two people in it. She looked across the street to another parked car, also had two people sitting in it, one was taking a drink from his coffee. Toni closes her eyes and remained flat to the wall. Her breathing came in short pants of panic, the cold air giving it away. She wanted to run but was afraid of drawing suspicion on herself.

All of a sudden cars started up, sirens and lights flashing and people yelling. Toni peered around the corner only to see Alex on the ground surrounded by police. Toni ran towards her car, didn’t look back. She got in her car and drove off fast, looking nervously in her rear vision mirror if she was being tailed. Once she felt safe she pulled off the road, fell out the car and threw up.

She turned into the park and stopped at reception. It was after 10pm and all closed up, the surroundings quiet. Toni went to the public phone to make a call.

A pair of eyes peered out from a curtain by reception.

“Mum... it’s me Antonia... no I’m fine, I “ Toni’s tears were flowing as she rested her head against the phone booth wall. “Mum listen please, I need... help, my friend’s pregnant and I need money.”

Toni shook her head “No mum I’m not pregnant, my friend is and I’m helping her. I can’t make enough money and I need. It’s Lauren....”

Toni kicked the wall by the phone in frustration “mum she’s my friend, she’s special and I can’t abandon her and just come home.”

“Hi dad... I am fine, I just need some money, I will pay you back. Lauren she needs medical.” Toni was shaking her head

Toni raised her voice to match her father’s. “No you listen to me I am not leaving Lauren. You know just forget it... now you have no daughters to worry about, have a nice fucking life dad.” Throws the phone at the wall. She then puts it back on the receiver and slides down the wall sobbing loudly.

She had no idea what to do now. Her parents wanted her to come home and it would be easy just to get in the car and go but she couldn’t. Her life was a mess, everything was a mess. She wanted control back in her life, but with no responsibilities, she could get that if she went home. At home she can be an 18 year old girl with no responsibility.

She gets up and goes to the car. She looks at the road and knew in 3 days she could be home. All she had to do was get in the car and go. She opened the door and got in. She jumped out slamming the door shut. She kicked the door and the tyre.

The pair of eyes watched Toni’s antics

Toni paced the road yelling to herself “You gutless, pathetic piece of shit. You should have blown your fucking brains out then none of this would have happened.” She rested against the car, arms folded around herself. All she could do was cry

“I need to grow up, I need to get a grip. I need.” She knew what she needed, what she always needed when she was having bad thoughts.

Toni cut the engine, lights and drifts by the van. She didn’t want to wake Lauren, but knew she probably would be.

Toni quietly crept into the van and changed into her shorts and night shirt. She climbs in under the covers and spooned into Lauren. “I’m sorry, there will be no more late nights. I’m done with that.” She kissed Lauren’s cheek

Lauren grabbed Toni’s hand and held it to her stomach “Good, now can you do something about your kid kicking me please, he’s been driving me insane all night. Every time you and I fight he acts up.”

Toni touched Lauren’s belly and caressed it softly while talking to it. “How do you know it’s a boy?”

“He kicks like Ritchie used to kick me” she huffs

“That person doesn’t exist, remember.”

Eventually all three fell asleep.

A sharp knock came at the van door. Toni groans and rolls over ignoring the intrusion. Lauren sat up and shoved Toni

“go see” she pushes at Toni again

Toni dresses slowly, she knew it was the police and sadly faced Lauren not sure how she was to break the news.

Lauren threw her hands up. “What.... just get rid of them and come back to bed” looked at the clock reading Saturday 7.50am.

Toni opened the door slowly and was surprised to see George. “Umm I’ve paid up”

“yeh, not ‘ere about that.”

Lauren could hear his voice “Can’t be about the sex, she aint been getting any” she yelled out

“Lauren” snapped Toni

Toni stepped out of the van, shivering from the crisp morning air. “what’s up George?”

“It’s me truck, it’s not running too good. Keeps stalling and well I know you work for a mechanic.”

“I spray cars George”

“Don’t you know anything about mechanics” he asks gruffly

“yeh a bit.”

“Well can you have a look at ‘er, I need to get some stuff from town and don’t want it breaking down on me.”

Toni yawns “sure George, when”

George stands in front his arms folded “now”

“Now...” Toni eyes still sleepy “it’s not even 8am”

“Not my problem you like the sun to burn your bum, but I have work, so yes now.” He stresses.

“Fine let me get dress and I’ll meet you at your place.”

Toni goes back inside and puts on her old clothes. Lauren sits up “Where’re you going”

“George wants me to look at his truck.” Toni yawns again “go back to sleep”

“and you are doing this why?”

“Because I’m a nice person, you should try it sometime.”

Lauren curls up her nose and pokes her tongue out. She went back to sleep.

Toni was looking in the engine when she told George to turn it over. She was almost over come with fumes then the vehicle stalled.

“jezzus George when did you last get it serviced.”

“Not long, I’ve put oil in it.”

“A proper service, spark plugs, carburettor, air filter. When was the last time you got a new battery?” The vehicle only clicked now when he tried to start it

“10 years give or take.”

“Do you have a current meter, so I can test the battery George?”

After she tested it and poked around she closed the bonnet. “George you need to get it service, new battery, sparks oil. All that shit?.”

“uh huh...so you can do all that”

Toni yawns “Well yeh, but I need stuff like batteries, sparks etc.”

“Ok here’s 500 dollars get the stuff and service my truck. You can keep the change. Tools are in the shed”

“George” calls out Toni

“I need it by this afternoon too.” George walks off inside leaving a bewildered Toni

Later on that morning Toni got up from under the vehicle, her shirt dirty from oil. She closed the bonnet and started it up. I kicked over easily to a slight purr. “perfect”

George came over “hmmmm sounds good.”

“Just needed some timing and a little care” she stresses to George.

He huffs. If that was his way of thanking her she accepted it. She also hands over 300 dollars. “This is what’s left”

“I said keep it” he growls

“Not that much, look I take 50 dollars for my time.”

George growls “you know a bit about fixing stuff.”

Toni wiped her hands “yeh, picked up on bits and pieces, know my way around tools and shit.”

“gud, you can earn the 300, come with me.”

George takes Toni to another caravan. “Some stinking kids trashed this and I need it repaired.”

Toni looks at it. The door was almost off its hinges, the fly screen ripped. The vinyl flooring had been burnt.

“So yeh fix the door back and screen, pull up the vinyl and fit down new stuff. All you need is in workshop behind my place.”

“I don’t know about lying vinyl George.”

“Oh well come and get me when you up to that. Are we good on the 300.”

“yeh, sure.”

Later on George was instructing Toni on brushing out the glue then pressing down the vinyl.

“Put bricks on to keep it from rising at the edges.” Instructs George

“What’s happening here?” came Lauren’s voice

Toni stepped back from the van “I’m fixing up this van, George this is Lauren” she introduced

He looks at her and she smiles sarcastically “I was wondering when you were coming back. It’s lonely in there by myself.”

Next minute they were joined by Dot “Wow what’s with the gathering. Oh you fixed the van, see darling I told you she knew how to fix things.” Talking to her husband

“uh huh”

Dot faces Lauren “and when is this little one due”

“4 months I think. I hope soon, he kicks like a mule” she tries to walk off, nodding to Toni to follow her

“Oh lovely, is it a boy or girl?

Lauren faces Dot about to tell her to mind her own business, but she did want to talk to someone else about it.

“Oh it’s definitely a boy... it kicks around something shocking.”

“Have you had an ultrasound?”

Both Lauren and Toni looked at each other and stuttered “well, no... we are saving for it.”

“Oh dear, you really should”

“Mother don’t get your nose messed in it” growls George to his wife

“Hush you old fool.” She berates him openly

Lauren and Toni were amused as the pair fought.

Lauren grabbed Ton “I’m tired, I’m going to lie down, hopefully something descent is on that one channel TV.”

“You can get 6 channels on it.” Says Dot

“Really” Toni was surprised

“Well not ours Dot?” shrugs Lauren

“Well go and tinker with the aerial please.”

Dot looks at George and Toni “who” they both chorused

Lauren held in a chuckle as Toni pointed to herself “me”

“I don’t care, one of you. The girls got to have her TV if she’s home all day.”

“I’m working during the day, so only night. We need the money. But more channels would be nice.”

Lauren left and so did Dot. “So about those channels George”

George faces Toni and growls “the ladder is in the shed, just twist the aerial around a bit. If you can fix a flaming door, you can fix an aerial. Why you’re at it, van 2 needs a globe replaced.”

George left “no worries George” she laughs.

Next morning Lauren and Toni were enjoying their time together. Lauren decided to relieve Toni of some sexual tension she’d been holding onto for weeks. She was almost at her peak when a knock at their door disturbed the moment.

Toni growled into her pillow

“Ignore it” Lauren kisses Toni as she’s rubbed her harder

Toni closes her eyes, concentrating as she was about to erupt.

“I know yer in there.” Came George’s gruff voice

Toni got dressed and opened the door none happy at his intrusion “yes George”

“wanna talk to yer, come to the house, both of you” yelling in the door.

“Can it be in a few minutes, it takes time getting her dressed” hurried Toni

He nodded

Toni shut the door, stripped and jumped back into bed kissing Lauren “C’mon baby, where were we”

“Ouch.. I can’t, he’s at it again.” she sits up

Toni growls and talks to Lauren’s stomach “you little bugger, you’re not even born and you’re already causing me grief.”

Lauren smacked her “hey...don’t upset him”

They walked over to Dot’s and George’s place and were invited in. Dot made Lauren some herbal tea. “It will help keep the baby calm.”

George grabbed his coffee “so where’s the father”

“George Alexander Thomas , close that trap of yours” snapped Dot

“I’m not with him.” Lauren smiles and looks at Toni “Toni looks after us”

“Toni.. is that short for something dear.”

Toni didn’t say anything, so Lauren did “Antonia”

“Lauren” whines Toni

“What, it is your name”

“and it’s lovely, you shouldn’t be ashamed of what’s yours dear. Now sit” offered Dot

Toni continued to stand “sit down Antonia” Dot a little firmer

Toni sat ignoring Lauren’s smirk

“Right I’ve set up an appointment for you Monday lunch time to see my doctor. She’s a lovely lady and will be happy to see the both of you. She will also conduct an ultrasound and you won’t have to worry about the account. I’ve taken care of it all.”

Toni got up “thank you, but Dot I can take care of this myself. I can arrange this”

“I understand, but sometimes a little help is needed.”

“I don’t need” Toni started to argue

“You help George” nods Dot to George

“I don’t need ‘elp” he moans back

“and I’ll help you dear” smiles at Lauren, squeezing her hand “you must have a million questions, and I have time on my hands”

Toni was about to argue when Dot clapped her hands “ok... well I’m glad that’s out of the way. Why don’t you two go out and fix something, while Lauren and I have a nice long chat.”

Toni felt uneasy about someone stepping in.

That night while in bed Lauren kept talking about Dot and everything she said about raising the baby, breast feeding.”

“Let me guess, she wants to deliver it as well” snaps Toni

“Hey she was only helping”

“We are fine, we don’t need her help. Unless you think I’m not doing a good enough job”

Lauren grabbed Toni to roll over but she refused. “Will you face me?”

Toni’s eyes gave away her sadness “Ohhh Toni you don’t need to be jealous”

Toni leapt out of bed “I am not jealous, but I can take care of my own thank you. I don’t need her coming in and taking over. This is my family, you and the baby are mine, not hers.”

“ok ok, calm down.”

“and when he’s born, what then.. Dot’s going to want to do everything and me. I’ll be.. hanging out with old George.” She spat and sat down in a seat, head in her hands

Lauren rolled out of bed and grabbed Toni “come here, get up”

Toni does and drops her eyes.

“You are central to all this Toni.” Lauren kisses her, strokes her face “shit if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be in this predicament” she laughs at her humor, trying to cheer up her partner.

Toni smirks “that’s funny and true...”

“Now will you come back to bed, its cold and I have work in the morning.

Toni and Lauren waited in the doctor’s clinic during her lunch break. They were next in and she watched while the doctor checked out Lauren, then took her into a separate room. Toni sat still when the doctor came back “don’t you want to see”

Toni sat next to Lauren; she was excited and wanted to take her hand. Lauren sensed that so she pulled her hand further away. She didn’t know if the showing of affection would jeopardise her treatment.

Toni watched in awe at the black and white screen. The doctor showed the heart, body.

“Now for the sex, do you want to know?” looks at Lauren

Lauren looks at Toni “Toni..”

“I don’t know... yeh.... no wait... no I want it a surprise.”

“Lauren, it’s your baby” says the doctor

Lauren smiles “as long as it’s healthy, I’m happy for the surprise although I know it’s a boy cos it kicks like one.”

The doctor took her blood pressure “its a little low, have you been feeling sick”

“I’ve been feeling a little nauseous, light headed.”

“How long?”

“Few weeks”

Toni grabbed Lauren’s hand “why didn’t you tell me, I would have had you in here sooner.”

Lauren shrugged “you had your own problems, I didn’t want to add.”

“Oh Lauren.” Toni shook her head “please don’t keep things like this from me”

“Well you need to start taking it a little easier. When you feel light headed please sit and remember to eat and drink lots of fluids Fainting is not good for mother and baby.”

Lauren dropped Toni at work and she went home.

Lauren drove up and was waved down by Dot. Lauren rolled down the window “Hey Dot”

“Come inside and have some tea, I want to know everything.”

“I’ll just park the car”

“Nonsense... George” yells Dot “park Lauren’s car darling”

George grumbles “want me to wash it too”

“Don’t be so grumpy, it gives off bad vibes for the baby. They absorb everything that goes on around, good and bad.”

Lauren walks inside “I know, every time Toni and I fight, he acts up.”

“See... they know, so tell me everything the doctor said. Oh wait I bought something, it’s not much but”

Toni comes home from work, steps into their van to find Lauren sitting on bed reading. Toni looked at the clothes on the table. Lauren got up “look at this cute little top, and jumpsuit. I love these little bibs.”

“So now she’s buying stuff... fuck sake when does it end? I can’t even afford to spoil our kid. I’ve had enough of this, I’m telling her to stop this right now.”

Lauren grabbed Toni, but missed and fell. Toni caught her and lifted her “Lauren, I’ll get help”

“No I just need to sit.”

Lauren rested on the bed “please don’t be upset, Dot’s just trying to help. She’s lonely.... she lost her only son 10 years ago and the thought of having a baby around excited her that’s all.”

“Lauren”

“and...... she has offered me to work in reception. Take calls, make bookings, help with some minor cleaning of cabins.”

“So she can keep an eye on you, great”

“ohhhhhh you....” hits Toni with a pillow “Sometimes Antonia I could just beat you stupid. She’s sweet and George although he acts grumpy, he likes you.”

“me... he doesn’t know me”

“Dot says we remind her of them when they were our age. She got pregnant really young and he had to work 3 jobs. Unfortunately they lost their daughter during child birth and it was years before they could have another. They really are nice people.”

“Fine, ok”

“I kinda said you would help George out on Saturdays with maintenance”

“Terrific, yay for me” Toni says sarcastically, still sulking

“He needs all the help he can get, have you seen the state of this place.”

---

Toni was at work one day when her boss grabbed her. “Phone, make it quick”

Toni took the call and went into panic “When.... she’s going there now. I’ll be there”

Toni removed her overalls “Al I need to go to the hospital, my.... friend is sick”

“You can go after work, finish the job”

Toni was frantic “I can’t, I have to be at the hospital now.”

“You walk out that door Toni, don’t bother coming back”

.

Toni got in Al’s face “screw you” and ran out.

Toni ran down the corridor of the hospital until she sees George and Dot.

“What is it, what happened” Toni in fear, stumbling over her words

“Calm down dear” soothed Dot

“Just tell me what happened.”

“She had a little fall”

“What, how....... you were suppose to be watching her” spat Toni

“Don’t talk to Dorothy that way” berated George

“hey don’t come at me George, I have a right to be upset”

“I know dear” says Dot “the doctor is with her now so pull your self together. You don’t want her to see you upset, it will only stress her out more.

Toni fixes herself, wipes her eyes and walks in. Lauren sitting up, her eye bruised and hand bandage.

“Toni” she cries

Toni holds her “shhhh it’s ok, I’m here. Are you ok? Is the baby ok?”

The doctor talked to them both “Her blood pressure is really low and she will need bed rest for most of the remaining 8 weeks of pregnancy. The baby is fine, no stress, but I would like to keep you in for a few days to monitor that.”

Toni cringed, but she didn’t want to risk Lauren or the baby

The doctor left the room and Toni went after him.. “umm we don’t have insurance, can I set up some type of payment arrangement.”

“I’m sorry but account must be paid in full.”

“But... but... I can’t....” Toni looks back at the room “isn’t there some other way.” She pleads

“You can bring her back every day for a few days to have a check up in our outpatient’s clinic.”

“She’s staying put, and that’ll be the end of it” growls a voice behind her

Toni faced George, she could feel it all closing in on her again. She’d lost her job, now hospital bills. Tears started to well in her eyes again. Toni sat and put head in her hands feeling defeated

“I will see to this, you go and check in on Lauren.”

Toni didn’t fight George, she obeyed him.

Toni returned to the room to see Lauren and Dot laughing, with Lauren was holding Dot’s hand. Then it suddenly hit her, Lauren was bonding with Dot like mother and daughter. Toni realised she had been feeling threaten and insecure for no reason. Lauren called out for her.

“C’mon look what Dot gave the baby”

Toni left the hospital late once Lauren had fallen asleep. She pulled up next to her van and found a note on it. She trudged slowly and knocked on the door. Dot let her in.

Toni sat at their big dining table while Dot reheated her dinner for her. “Get this into you.”

Toni picked at it, she wasn’t hungry and dropped her fork, then dropped her head into her hands crying

“Oh dear child, everything is going to be alright”

George came out to see what was going on

“Antonia, she’s going to be fine. You don’t have to worry.” Reassures Dot

Toni just shook her head “There is always something else that goes wrong. I got fired today because I had a family emergency. I have no job, nothing... every time I think I’m getting on top of things, something else hits us. It’s like it’s not meant to be.”

Dot pulled Toni to her and cuddled her “My dear child, you need to stop all this worrying, it’s not healthy. You just concentrate on Lauren and the baby. Now go get some sleep.”

“Yes Dot”

Toni heads to the door and looks George. He pats her shoulder, then nods her out.

After few days Lauren was released with strict instructions to rest up. They drove into the park and rather than drive towards their van, Toni turns the car not far from main reception next to a little cabin, right next to Dot’s and George’s place.

“Where are you going?”

“A surprise, not my idea... but a more practical one.”

George opens the door and Toni helps a very pregnant Lauren out. They head inside the quaint little cabin and Lauren is amazed.

Dot standing in the kitchen making tea “welcome home, to your new home”

“What”

Toni nodded “uh huh... a queen must have her palace”

George nods Toni outside while Lauren looks around. The cabin had its own toilet, bathroom with a bath and shower. It had 2 bedrooms, kitchen, dinning and TV room in one big open area. They also had a paved carport for their car.

Dot shows her their new phone “and all you need to do is pick up your phone and call if you get into any strife.”

Toni stood outside next to George not sure what to say

He sniffed which was always an indication that he was about to say something

“Well... this place could do with a second pair of hands. Lots to be done, and Dot doesn’t think I can do it all by myself. The pays not much, but then you’re not paying for accommodation and stuff so I think it’s a good deal, right, good... see you tomorrow morning at 7.30am.”

George walks off to his house

“yeh... thanks George” Toni said to him happily, but he had already gone inside his place

That night Toni relaxed in bed. She looked over and gently stroked Lauren’s face, she was fast asleep. Toni for the first time felt in control, and the darkness she used to feel, no longer an issue.