I awoke this morning feeling wrong.
I was feeling as if someone cut me deep. Deep enough to draw blood. So deep that you could see inside me. See my blood, see my organs, see my heart, see my soul. My soul which is wavering with regret. The regret that I didnt say what I wanted to Gita.
Last night I was sad.
I heard Antionette and Claire talking down upon me. I thought that hurt me. I thought that it was they who held the knife that was tearing my flesh. No.
No, it was the fact that I had an epiphany. I realized that I loved Gita deeply. Unconditionally. Irrevocably.
It was only months ago I lead a droll, depressing, dark life. Gita had brought life to me. She was the angel that graced me with love and light that I had never known. Everything I knew before had become warped into her vision some how.
The garden held mercy on me once.
It wasnt just full of mercy and Blood Roses anymore.
Crysanthemums were glowing now.
Violets became like dusk, warming me.
This is all a result of her gentle care and touch.
And I lied to her.
She asked me...
"And are you? Are you attracted to me?"
I was. But I said...
But she was right. Antionette was right.
"Goddammit all..." I murmered.
I arose from my bed of contemplation and disappointment.
"You sure stare off alot huh?" A ginger and honey filled voice said.
Gita was sitting in a chair across the room from me.
"How long were you watching me?" I asked.
"Would it be cliche' if I said Long enough?" She said with a giggle.
"I'll change the question then, When did you get in here?"
She pondered a moment.
"Perhaps a little before sun-up." She said looking out my window.
The sunlight of the morning lit her face beautifully.
Her eyes even warmer than usual, gazed at me...and I was falling
"Say...Gita..." I began.
"Say, Kahnna." She said with a smile so sweet my mouth quaked with temptaion.
"I...I have something I want to tell you today." I said showing her meaning in my eyes. For some reason...I feel as if she disreguarded it.
"I do as well. But I need to do my business immediately. Come downstairs once you've gotten dressed."
And she left without another word of it.
In an emerald green dress I headed downstairs.
I was greeted halfway down by Claire.
"Good morning Lady Kahnna." She dared to say to me. I sent her a look of daggars.
She looked confused but hurried to her duties.
I met up with Gita.
Her eyes today were glowing. I believe the ivory dress made this so. She wore it well too...
"I have something to show you Kahnna...will you come with me?"She asked. Of course I'd go with her.
"Yes." I replied.
She took my hand and we headed outside.
We walked along the path which lead to the garden. The smells of yesterday filled my lungs with sweetness. We were heading to the back house.
The back house was used for storage. Old pictures, books, and other things we didnt use found a home in this cluttered place.
"Why are we here Gita?." I asked her quite confused. Gita turned away from me. It looked as though she were ashamed.
"There's something I found when I first came here to live with you and your family. Something I should have shared with you a long time ago Kahnna." She said solemnly.
"What is it Gita? Whatever it is it can't be as bad as what I've been hiding from you too." I sad truthfully.
"I think it is. Here."
Gita was holding a box in her hands.
"What is it?" I asked taking it from her.
"Open it up." She said hiding her face.
I gasped when I saw what was inside.
It felt as thought my heart was being pulled at.
Inside the box was a diary, countless letters, and small bottles of perfume. The diary read, Ameria Jeanantria Rose Steigerwale.
The letters were all from my father to my mother.
"You have to know..."Gita started.
"You have to know how much your father adored your mother. Read the letters, then come to me, we can talk then."
She left without another word.
My heart was quaking. My fingers trembled as I opened the first envelope.
I pulled out a crinkled piece of paper. I took a deep breath and began to read.
The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it. You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen you and you are enough. I love you more than words can express my dear. I swear to you on all that is Holy, I will find a way for us.
My Family will never understand the love I feel for you! I will cover you with love when next I see you, with caresses, with ecstasy. I want to gorge you with all the joys of the flesh, so that you faint and die. I want you to be amazed by me, and to confess to yourself that you had never even dreamed of such transports.... When you are old, I want you to recall those few hours, I want your dry bones to quiver with joy when you think of them. For if there is a way, I will find it. You and I will live forever in the passion that is us. You will bare me a child and we shall raise it in our love. We shall watch it grow old as we do. And when the time comes, I shall pray that God takes us away from this cold earth together. Ameria you are my sky, my ocean, and the stars! Never forget that.
You are the beat of my heart.
My eyes were filled to the brim with tears.
How could a man as brittle as my Father say such words of passion?
How could he dare to speak of love?
And how could he love my mother?
The next Letter was from my Mother.
My heart was thudding again. I settled myself and read on.
My Dearest Friedrich,
There are no words to express the gratitude I feel in my heart, that our hearts have come to dwell together, as one. You are my life, my heart, my soul. You are my best friend.
You are my one true love. The day we met was fate. Our lives intertwining was fate. You are my destiny. I love you more today than I did yesterday, and I'll love you more tomorrow than I do today. Loving you is the only thing that makes life worth living.
Please forgive me for all the hurt that my family might have caused you in the past; I love you and I always will until I die. Hopefully, when that day comes, I will still have you by my side and you will be that last angel face I see. I will be able to hold you in my arms one last time and tell you how much I love you and how much you really mean to me.
I love you forever,
It was absolutely amazing.