Story: Ribbons and Rabbits (all chapters)

Authors: LolitaDoll

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Chapter 1

Title: Kahnna

[Author's notes: Main Character: Kahnna Renior
SevenTeen and a prisinor to her own home.]

Claire Will bring in the tea. And I will drink the tea with a fake smile to my father's guests. All of whom are men to be my possible betrothals. Men who are probably beyond thirty. Its not as if Father even has young friends. It's the same thing all the time.


Claire, my governess will bring the tea while my father would say "Isnt my Daughter the most beautiful girl you've ever gandered?" And I would pretend to be embarassed and then the man would say, "Oh yes. There isnt another like her. The man to her husband is a blessed man." And I will once again smile feeling hatred and disdain in my heart.


My Name is Kahnna Ameria Jennette Renoir. I am an heiress to the richest family in the whole world. The Renoirs are the most feared, respected, hated, and adored people to walk this earth. I was unfortunate enough to be stuck in it. I'm soon to be eighteen and that means I have to find a suitible husband soon.


This is the part when I finish my tea and asked to be excused. When permitted I go to my bedroom's terrace and sit and watch the sun go down. This time of day is the most beautiful yet the most depressing. The sun sets beautifully to mock me. It just means it will rise again to remind me that I'm stuck in this place.

The night sky is a heavy dark blanket overhead.


I sit in my bed sewing a patch onto my plush rabbit. I've had this rag since i was a baby. It is the only childlike thing I was allowed to keep. My father is very strict about my being practicle.


Claire walks in to tell me it's time for dinner. I will nod and fix my dinner gown. It is a red dress with black lace. In my hair I will wear a black ribbon. Father prefers me in darker shades.


I eat in silence. At least I always make an attempt to. I'm not one for subtle converstaion, especially with my family. My father sits at the head of the table, beside him on the right is my Step mother Antionette, and on his left is my brother Louis. I sit at the farest end. My Father grunts to clear his throat and then will say, "Kahnna, what did you think of my guest today? Is he suitable?" I dab my mouth with my napkin. "Of course father. All of your choices are impeccable. you know me so well." I say.


Dinner would then be silent the rest of the time.


I never fall asleep right away. There are different reasons every night. Tonight, the lace on my canopy is just far too ivory. The silk pink bows are hanging too low. The canaries in my cage breathe too heavy. Because of these distractions I decide to do other things. Tonight, perhaps I will play violin.


I grab the instrument by the neck and place it inbetween my shoulder and cheek bone. Gently, I caress its strings with the bow and begin to play. My fingers slide gingerly about the neck and I twinged it a bit for vibrato. I solemnly played my sad melody...the melody of

After awhile I do begin to grow tired.


Yes I do grow quite fatigued. So I lay my head upon my down pillow and close my eyes. But I do not sleep just yet. My eyes open a bit and I stare at my fingers. Its no longer even needed to think of this act. To me, this act is like eating...or breathing. It had become a natural part of my nocturnal routine.



My fingers dance about in silky folds covered by satin. It is a waltz that it is. A common waltz. At first the steps are careful, light, and airy. I lift my sheets to watch this dance at its best. Hoping that watching it might get me what I've been looking to achieve in these past few minutes. Soon the light waltz becomes more intense. Escaping the 1,2,3 pattern, it becomes a 1,2 pattern. It's becoming intense.


Past the dance floor I see my toes. They're all curled and clenched together. And they get tighter and tighter that they do. Soon the dance is done. My fingers escape the dampend ballroom floor. Now My eyes are heavier. I close them.


I'll repeat the method tomorrow.


[End notes:

okay here's the first chapter....I know its very boring with description and pretty slow...but people loved steinbeck and he spends 60 pages describing i hope u like and keep reading

Anime Gothic Lolita Pictures, Images and Photos


Chapter 2

Title: Gita ala Dahlia

[Author's notes:

One of the sadder chapters. I'm really sorry its slow at the beginning...but I do not believe in rushing the plot. I want to give it time to unfold and be a good story. I only have two of which was just me commenting my sister's c'mon guys! read and review!



Claire Brought in my breakfest like usual. She placed it on my burea`like usual. And I got angry she didnt put it on my nightstand like usual. I really hated that governess sometimes. I took my breakfest to the terrace and sipped my chamomele tea. I Looked into our courtyard and saw a limousine pull up to our front gates. Another suitor I'm sure I thought. A man did slip out of the car...but someone else did too. It looked like a gi- "Kahnna?" Louis said from outside of my door.


My stomach turned. "c-coming." I said. This wasnt too it still makes me nausious. Louis does this every so often. He'll come into my room and take advantage of me.


Louis is not my blood brother. He's Antionette's son from a previous marriage. He's older than me by five years. I shouldnt even exist. My father and Antionette Have been married ninteen years. However when the time came for my father to have children and pass on blood, she was infertile. That's where she comes in.


Ameria Jeanantria Rose Steigerwale...My Father's mistress, my mother.


My mother was the most beautiful woman in Germany. She was brought here to Briphonia to assist my father. Which of course was successful because here I am. But as soon as I was born they forced her home to germany. I never knew her, that I didnt. I'm very certain I never wil. My father never speaks of her and I do not think it is because of Antionette. Something happened...something ba-


 "Hello? Shall we get a move on? We dont have much time this morning."


Louis was getting impatient. I tend to do that though, go into another place as he enters my room with cruel intentions. All I can do is nod and oblige this act of impurity. I slipped my nightgown off without a word. My bare body faced him and without hesitation he shed his clothing as well.





It doesnt take him long to get off. He's in and out all in a matter of ten..sometimes fifteen minutes. Then he leaves me alone to be ashamed of myself. Most girls would cry about it. Most girls would be sick to there stomach. But of course I am not most girls.


Once he's gone I put on my black dress and tie a ribbon in my hair. I stare at myself in my full body mirror.


My father has Claire get me from my room and bring me down for afternoon tea. I think about this morning. I think about the limo with the old man and who what I thought looked like a girl. Who were these two guests?


I come downstairs and head to my father's study.


It was just as I had thought.


A young woman sat in an armchair across the room.
She had blonde hair that waved down to her back. Her eyes were a brilliant amber colour. She was holding a parasol by her side and smiled warmly at me. I cocked a brow. I think her smile was genuine...


"Kahnna, This My old and good friend Professor Ivory and his granddaughter Gita." Father said.
I curtsied and offered the professor my hand. He gave me a strange look. My father laughed. "No darling, he's not here to pursue you." Embarassed for the first time in awhile, I drew back my hand. The professor smiled and nodded to me. I took a seat next to my father and Claire brought in cinnamon and chai tea.


"Now professor I understand you've been worried for Gita's welfare?" Father said. I looked back over towards the girl who just sat quietly sipping her tea. "Yes. I had her enrolled in a private academy, but she cant seem to work well with a class and apparently she didnt get along well with her roommate..." My father nods.

"This simply wont do since I'm going to teach abroad. I havent anyone to watch over my Gita." Gita was looking at me. Her eyes felt like stones hitting me. I was afraid to look into them.

"I see...Well perhaps we can look after her for you. She and Kahnna are the same age. I'm sure they will get along. What do you ladies think?"
Father looked at me. The professor looked at Gita. Gita and I looked at eachother. There was some sort of silent agreement between the two of us. I knew Gita did not like me, and I cannot say I'm fond of her that I cannot. But We decided within our eyes we'd agree.

Though neither of us can name why.


[End notes: Well that's it for this chapter! Here's a picture of Gita!
Parasol Pictures, Images and Photos]

Chapter 3

Title: A change of Schedual

[Author's notes: Small encounters]

Dinner wasnt quiet like it should have been, that it was not.
Father and the Professor were conversating about "old times".
Antionette showered Gita in compliments about her beautiful blonde hair. Antionette was a blonde herself...she didnt see many like herself.
Even Louis's eyes made noise. They were saying " can I fuck her now?" or maybe something like "Is the girl really staying here? maybe she's a good fuck."...

Gita, even when being drenched in the cascade of praise, spoke not a word.
She and I seemed to have that in common. We were both women of little words.

However even with this in common, I still felt the tension between us both.


It was so thick you could slice it with a knife.

Claire took Gita on a small tour of the manour.


I took this opportunity to take a listen to my father and the Professor's conversation. I made sure first, Antionette had turned in for the night, and Louis was no where in site.


I stood outside father's study and listened in on the conversation.

"Gita..she's troubled you see.." The professor said.
"Whatever do you mean Adam? I understand she may not get along with her peers, but she isnt a "case" is she?" Father replied...chucking when saying "case".

"Dear friend...I only wish she wasnt. You see, she had a very traumatising experience at such a young age. I told you of how my son and his wife were murdered?" The professor said solemnly.


"Yes..Yes I do. Such a terrible tragedy."

Tragedy? I thought. What happened to that girl?



I dont know why I had stopped listening to their conversation that I didnt.
But Something in my gut made me go to my room and stay there the rest of the night..

Maybe the words of "some things are better left unsaid" applied at that very moment.


I didnt feel like going along with my ending of the day.
It seemed as though my routine for the day was all disfunctional.


I didnt even feel like playing my violin tonight.
Something wasnt right.
And Gita was at the very centre of it...the very centre.

A knock came at my door.


"Who is it?" I asked looking at the door.

"Professor Ivory's leaving miss, Your father would like you to come down and say goodnight as well." Claire said.

I obliged.


"Thank you for taking Gita for the time being old friend." The professor said to father. "Not at all. She's more than welcome." Father said giving the professor a brief handshake.
Gita approached the professor with desperation in her eyes. She didnt want him to abandon her here. I dont blame her....
"Please behave yourself my sweet Gita. He's a nice man and this family is one of a kind." He said.
"That it is.." I mumbled under my breath.
"Kahnna?" father said.
"Nothing sir. Have a wonderful trip Professor. Dont worry about Gita." I said. Though, what i really wanted to say was "take her and run" But of course I didnt.

The professor left the manour and a distressed Gita.


The time was now half past one.


I lay awake in my canopy bed. Staring at the ivory lace, feeling the smooth silk, and scrunching my toes in the satin.
I almost went along accordingly to my schedual, yet I seemed to resist.


I looked at the canaries. They were silent. I looked at my rabbit. It was silent. I looked at the violin. It too was silent.


What wasnt silent were the questions in my head. Why is she 'troubled', where is she from, how long has she lived with her grandfather? I felt nervous for some reason. Strangely and unexplainably nervous.


There was a knock at my door once again...


"Y-yes?" I said and then cleared my throat.


"May I come in?" A honey voice sounded. Gita.
"....Come in.."

She entered.
She smiled.
She said, "Let's engage in an exchange of words."

I looked at her as if she were daft. "alright?" I responded sitting up.


She sat in a chair across the room. The chair the rabbit sat raggedy in.
"I'm sorry to barge in like this...But I feel like we havent been properly introduced. My name is Gita Ala Dahlia Ivory. My Full name anyhow. I feel like such an imposer here..."


I looked at her. "No such thing. You're fine. You can just call me Kahnna." I moved a little feeling uncomfortable, and not from the bed...


"You're not quite a talker no?" she asked with a small giggle.


"I believe less is more." I replied.


"Oh I see." she giggled...amused. Was she thinking illfully of me?


"May I ask a question Gita?" I asked hesitantly.
Gita looked at my rabbit. She gently picked it up, caring not to mess up the seams.


"I suppose..." She said with a sly smile. This girl was shisty.
"Why exactly did you not get along with your roommate?"
She started to play with the ears.
"She was nosy." She looked at me with a hard face.
"uh....oh well I see..." I think she was saying something to me.
She was only putting it in a different context.


What she was really saying was "Shut up you sneaky brown noser. Get out of my business."


Or rather, I thought so until she giggled again.
"Im kidding of course. Dont look so frightened Kahnna." She said.
I felt my face get hot.


I've learned one thing about today...

I do not like Gita Ala Dahlia Ivory

[End notes:

Picture of Louis
white, black, evil, anime, man, men, cute, hot, fancy Pictures, Images and Photos


sorry it took so long to update.
I will be sure to give u at least 2 chapters everyother weekend.


Chapter 4

Title: Change of Heart

[Author's notes: Here's chapter four.
More things happen between Kahnna and Gita

Itallic with Bold equal flashbacks]

Gita has been with us for a few days.
Father compares her to a breath of fresh air. He says she's delightful and charming.


I say she's quiet, sneaky, and whenever I'm around her she just stares at me. It's so irritating. I feel like she thinks she's above me in some way. Which is just absurd that it is. I mean, sure her grandfather is a well known scholar, but my father is a well known diplomat in our country. Nobility is his middle name.



Why on earth should I feel so inferior to this girl?



I shouldnt at all!




It had been awhile since I'd been in the garden. This seemed like a good place to escape that damned place.
From father trying to convince me tohave a ball, to Antionette complaining about my hair being too long and proper ettiquite, then of course Louis always undressing me with his eyes, to Gita smiling at me from across the room.


This garden has been my haven for times I needed to be alone.
This is one of those times.


I remember the last time I was here...



I cant stop crying. The tears wont stop falling.

I dont fit in this place. I cant believe Antionette would say such horrible things to me. This garden is all I have left isnt it?



Yes, I remember it clearly.
Antionette said I was of dirty blood..talking of my birth mother of course. And Father didnt believe me that he did not.


He told me that I shouldnt lie about my step mother.


So to avoid such another incident such as that, I just simply didnt say anything to her. I will awknowlage her. I am not rude after all. But I do not speak to her.


I hate her and Louis.



The garden was full of crysanthymums. They were my favorite flower. The colour, the scent, their soft petals,everything about them was beautiful.
The day Anionette said all those horrible things to me, I cried myself sleep in a flower bed of crysanthymums.


A soon fell into a sleepy was like deja vu...only i wasnt crying this time. Just sleeping...





I awoke to see Gita sitting and looking at me. I jumped with embarassment. "What are you doing here!?" I asked, heart pounding.
"Watching you sleep." She said if it were obvious, and I was foolish to even ask. "Why?" I asked. This was aggravating.
"Why? Because it was intresting." She looked quite serious.
"Excuse me?" was all I could say.
"heh heh. You're a very beautiful girl. I'm quite jealous." She smiled. Her voice still smooth as honey. I didnt see what there was to be envious of that I didnt.
Things got quiet...


"What do you mean?" I said finally. She rolled her eyes.
"I'm saying you're beautiful. What dont you understand about that?"
She picked a flower. "It was even more pretty because these flowers compliment your skin." She continued.
I knew I must've looked confused. "What's your problem Kahnna?" She asked studying me.
"I was just under the impression you and I werent associating." I said.



"And why would you think that? I came to your room the other night. I came out here didnt I? If I didnt want to associate with you I wouldnt. That is of you not want to associate with me?" She asked as her smile slowly faded.


"To be honest...I find you to be rather self-indulged." I said flat out. Which I hadnt meant to.
"I see then. I must apologize. I can come off that way. I dont make friends easily with others. I'm exactly a social butterfly." She said with a giggle.
"Oh, I understand. I'm the same. My father has been trying to throw me a ball but I wouldnt know what to say to anyone." I said.


I never thought I'd warm up to her, but I was.


"How about just smiling and thanking them for coming?" She suggested.
"Yes I suppose. But between you and I, I just hate crowds." I admitted.
"In other words, because you've been so sheltered you've developed a shyness." She explained. I guess she was right.


Gita and I stayed and talked in the garden for a long while.
She told me of her schooling before.
It turns out that her roommate had been loud and too talkative for Gita. Which I understand completely. Talkative people are brainless.
We continued to talk about things and before we knew it we were sitting in twilight.


"We'll be late for dinner." I said standing up. Gita nodded. "yes, you're right. But I must say...I enjoyed talking to you Kahnna." She said smiling sweet once again. There was something about that smile..."--Hnna---you--isening-e?" I snapped out of my daze. "What?" I asked to hear her repeat what she had said.
"I said Kahnna are you listening to me." She repeated. "Oh yes. Um..what did you ask?" I said embarassed once again.
It seemed to me that Gita tends to keep me on edge. I blush quickly around her.



"I said I was enjoying our talk...I dont want it to be over truthfully." She said as we started for the manour. I looked at her. She really did seem sincere. "After dinner maybe we can talk some more in my room? I'll have claire fix us some chamomele." I said quietly.


She giggled. "It seems you like my company after all." She placed her hand breifly in mine. "Tea sounds divine. Cant wait till dinner is over." She rubbed her fingertips against mine quickly.



I couldnt believe I've warmed up to Gita this quickly. Just the other day she had bothered me with just her presence alone. Now we are in my bedroom, drinking tea and conversating.
"You play?" Gita asked referring to my violin.
"Twelve years." I replied.



"Do play something. I love music." Gita said taking a sip of her tea.
"Alright." I got up and went over to the instrument. I took the bow and played a 'G', then I played a 'C'. I started to play a soft melody. I played better than usual. i think I did because somewhere inside me I wanted to please Gita. I wanted to impress her. Once I was done I sat back down. Gita clapped.
"Wonderful. It was beautiful. Did you know that the violin is the closest they got to imitating a human voice?" She asked. I thought about that. I thought hard about Gita's voice....

[End notes: I know it's not so long but I wanted to work on the relationship of Gita and Kahnna...I'm building the foundation of their relationship. Here's a picture of her father.
anime man Pictures, Images and Photos]

Chapter 5

Title: Things you cant dig up

[Author's notes:

This next chapter is deticated to my 9th reviewer Rixingyue
You inspired this chapter with your kind words...

What is Lolita doing right now:
Listening to Tender Sugar by Mary Elizabeth McGlynn
Eating ritz crackers with easy cheese...
did you know that easy cheese is a good source of calcium???


enjoy the chapter


Gita and I sat in with our tutor Vincent studying. Our lesson was just about complete for the day.
Vincent closed his lesson book and smiled. "You two are done for the day. Have a good evening." he bowed his head and gathered his things.

Gita and I had become great friends that we have. We seem to have everything in common.

"What do you think of the Marie Antionette woman...that queen?" Gita asked. "I think she was selfish and uncaring of the French peoples. She and her family did nothing for the people in need that they did not." I said. It was quite a coincident that Antionette was exactly the same and shared the same name.

"Isnt it funny how your step mother is exactly the same?" Gita said reading my mind. I smiled. She knew exactly what to say that she did. Antionette was extremely selfish. She makes father invest in the finest kimonos in Japan. She sure doesnt care about anyone but herself.

"Let her eat cake." we said in unison. We stopped and looked at eachother, intrigued by this exchange. We laughed.

"Gita...I decided to have the ball after all." I said to her.
"I knew you would..." She said.
We laughed again.

Louis was smittened with Gita, I could tell. He seemed to always have something to say to her. This truly bothered me that it did.
I knew better than anyone his true colours. He's dangerous. He looks at Gita the way he used to look at me.
But I've decided to keep Gita close to me. I wont have him spoiling anything good. I like Gita and I wont let him defile her.

Father was excited about my change of heart concerning the Ball.
"My dear whatever made you change your mind?" He asked me. I shrugged. "Just decided to do it I suppose.
"Well I'm glad. Josuite will come and fit you for a new gown." Josuite was my dress maker. I nodded and went to my room.

Out on my terrace I could see many things. I could see the courtyard, where I saw Gita and the Professor for the first time.
I could see the garden, where Gita and I became friends.
I could see the windows of father's room, Louis's study, The secondry parlour, and I could see Gita's room.

I drank tea and within boredom I placed my cheek in my palm. I looked at the drapes Gita had in her room. They were a lilac colour. I could see a sillhouette...a femine figure. It was Gita of course. She was approaching her curtains and I watched to see what she was doing. Suddenly the drapes pulled back and there was Gita....

My face got hot, a lump formed in my throat, and my eyes widened.

Gita stood infront of her window naked as the day she was born.
The afternoon sun had a brilliant glow against her bare body.

I couldnt believe what I was seeing...

I couldnt look away though.
I just sat there staring in disbelief.

This had to be the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed.
Gita was gorgeous...but now she was even more gorgeous exposed.
I gasped. She was looking at me now.
I feared she was going to be angry.
Maybe she wouldnt speak to me again.
But Gita is full of surprises and this surprise I wasnt expecting.


Gita Just smiled and waved to me...
And I waved back...blushing redder than a tomato.

I went to my room after the exchanged outside with a nude Gita.
I was so embarassed.
Did she have no shame at all?

Later that evening Father was preparing a guest list for my ball.
"And the Marions...possibly the Azalias...Antionette what do you think?" I heard father say from his study.
"I think this whole thing is rather strange." She replied dry and bitter.
"And why is that?" Father said with a sigh.
"Kahnna has never shown intrest in these things. You dont find this a bit odd?" She asked with high suspicion in her voice. It was as if she thought I was up to no good. Why?

"I think its strange yes, but Kahnna needs to branch out. She needs to associate with people other than suitors and-" Father stopped. "--And...I have a daughter outside my study listening in on my conversation." He said. I walked in. "Sorry for eavesdropping Father. It's not becoming I know." I said in apology. He nodded. "Sit down darling." Antionette said fakely. I sat down.

"Kahnna Your mother--" He stared and I cringed slightly at him call her my mother. I think she just might have cringed herself. "Antionette and I are worried for your welfare. Is everything alright? You've been acting differently." Father said. "Is this a bad difference?" I asked confused.
"No dear its just...its not--" Father began.
"Its not you." Antionette finished flatly with a slight cough.

I looked at the two of them.

"I see. I'm sorry if I've been acting strangely. I guess after seeing what having company...true company was like, I wanted to experience more."
I said trying to convince them.
"See Dear? Kahnna is just branching out as I said." father said with a joyus approval in his voice. Antionette however, remained unconviced.

"She's quite unruly isnt she?" Gita replied to my story of Father and Antionette. "er..yes she is. Gita may I ask why you were naked infront of the window earlier today?" I asked.
Gita giggled. "That was quite straightforward. That's different." She teased.
"Sorry if I have some sort of modesty." I said a tad sharp.
"...I'm sorry...are you implying something kahnna?" She asked squinting her eyes.

"I'm just saying exposing yourself like that isnt ladylike at all. Only lowly, loose women do such things." I said...then realizing what that sounded like I looked up at her immediatly. She looked angry.
"Well let me ease my way out of your presence Princess. Sorry I'm such a floozy." She said leaving my room.

"Lady Kahnna you're still slender as ever." Josuite said to me as he took in the material around my waist. The dress he made for me this time was quite lovely. It was a lavender laced, black gown. The material was silk as usual. Josuite said the silk appealed well with my "pale" skin.
"Tonight you will be gazed upon all night." He said to me.
"You think so?" I asked in a bored tone.

Gita hadnt talked to me since I had said those horrible things to her.
I felt bad..I dont think I said those things to her in spite. I said them perhaps because I was so embarassed about it.
Tonight the manour was filled with strangers and I couldnt find Gita.

I was forced to dance with men that would all pursue me soon.
I was forced to smile and sip my wine with pleasure.
I was forced to pretend I was intrested in conversations that made no sense to me.
I wasnt allowed to be myself tonight.

I soon slipped away outside to the courtyard to get some air.
There Gita was, the moonlight dripping tears into her wavy tresses. She seemed to be gazing into space. Almost as if she wasnt there at all.
"Gita...a word if I may?" I said. She broke from her trance. Her face grew hard and bitter.
"I suppose...make it quick." She said with venom.
I drew back a little. "Gita I was wrong to say those things to you yesterday. May I be honest?" I asked her. She raised a brow.
"Seeing you like was so...overwhelming because I've never seen anything like that...except that of my own body." I said sitting next to her on the steps.

"Is that right?" She said turning her head. "Yes it is. I'm asking for your forgiveness...may I Have it?" I asked trying to see her face. She turned to me. She smiled her sweet smile. "Of course you can."

The ball had been a success in my father's eyes.
It was a waste of an effort in Antionette's eyes.
It was a bore to Louis.
A night of forgiveness and friendship...thats what Gita and I thought.

Gita explained to me that her mother told her it was always good to air the body once and awhile. Constricting the body with hoop skirts and corsettes werent healthy.

I guessed it wasnt horrible what she did any longer.

Still I couldnt explain the feeling I had...when I saw Gita that day.

"What about you Kahnna? What your mother tell you when you were young? I mean your real mother." Gita asked.
"I never knew my real mother." I said.
"Did she die when you were born?" Gita asked.
"I dont think so. You see...My father and Antionette have been together since before I was born. She already had Louis from another marriage. When my father needed to have children...she couldnt concieve. So He went to find the assistance of a mistress."
I explained. Gita seemed very intrested.
"MY father never speaks of her. I dont know whether she is dead or alive. All I know is that once I was born, they took me away and sent her back to Germany." I said.

Gita looked at me with pity. "I'm sorry Kahnna. Do you wish you had known her?" She asked.
"yes...yes I do. But sometimes I think its better than I dont because if I had known probably would have hurt even more to be taken from her. What happened to your parents Gita?"
Gita's eyes had a shot of pain in them.

A few moments of silence passed.
Finally after that moment she spoke...quietly.

"My Mother and Father were killed. And I was the culprit..."


The room was silent again.

"What do you mean Gita?"


"These men wanted my father dead because he was an activist that would have revealed some ugly things about my country's government. They kidnapped me. I was about five or six at the time.
They told him to bring the files and they would exchange. Me for the files...a fair trade." Gita seemed very distant at this moment.

"Then when my father and mother came to get me...the men decided the files werent enough. They decided my father's death was immenant.
They gave him and my mother the courtesy of a last request. They asked to die by my hands..." One tear slipped from her eye. "I had shot them both before help could have arrived..."

Before I knew it I was holding Gita.

"I'm so sorry must have been painful for you." I said stroking her hair.

She was full of surprises.
But this surprise really got me.




[End notes:

thats it for this chapter Here's a pic of Antionette

anime woman Pictures, Images and Photos


Chapter 6

Title: Realize

[Author's notes:

Here's the long awaited chapter 6.
I hope it was worth the wait.

I've decided my chapters need some sort of song theme.
So this chapter's song is....

Satillites by Karmina

Look it up...very pretty song...and it fits Kahnna in this chapter.


Gita and I...we were very much alike.
We became women without our mother's guidance. We both did strange things. For example, Gita's random nudity, or my waltz through silky folds.
We both loved music and flowers. We both enjoyed our tea with a sprinkle of cinnamon.
We preferred to be in the company of few people. The list could go on that it could.

But also, contridictingly, there were plenty of things I just didnt understand about her. For instance, Gita tends to make this odd face. It was a face that if it had been her normal look, people might turn away. Her eyes squint, her nose would wrinkle, and she'd purse her lips. She would do this when she thought no one was around. Perhaps it was a thinking face...perhaps she was mocking someone...I havent the foggiest. Then there are also moments when she looks as if she's counting. Counting something specific. She nods her heas like she's doing so with her eyes.

These may be small things. But all in all still odd. Not that I mind...but I still would like to comprehend it.


Vincent was on an absence of leave because there was some sort of
emergency with his wife. This gave me and Gita sometime off from our studies. This time was spent in the garden.

"Kahnna, have you ever loved anyone?" Gita asked. She was so randomly blunt.
"I dont know what you mean." I replied picking a peony.
"Like a boy? Family?" She asked.
"No...never. I dont love anyone. But..." I started.
"But...?" she urged.

I looked down.

"But I might have loved my mother, if I had known her that is..."
I said. Thinking of Ameria made my stomach drop with confusion and yearning. It was that painful feeling of longing that caused this churning.
"You said before.. your father doesnt like talking of her...correct?"
Gita said showing her pondering face.
"Yes... Gita what are you thinking?" I asked.
"Nothing. So why dont you love your family?" Gita asked looking toward the manour.
"Well Antionette hates me so I'm making it mutual. Father is more concerned with passing on blood rather than me. And Louis..." My stomach dropped again...only this time not with longing.
"Well that goes without saying Kahnna. He's done things you'd rather not name." Once again, Gita was spot on. "How do you figure that Gita?" I asked...taken aback a bit.

"You show it on your face. kahnna you wear your heart upon your sleeve. You dont understand a thing about yourself..heh but I do." Gita said with her impeccable talent to read me. She prevails again.
"And I cant seem to get you at all Gita." i said with a sigh. She giggled. "You over analyze me. If there are things you want to understand...ask me. You try much too hard." She said coming closer to me. "O-Oh?"I said feeling intimidated.

She slid and layed her head in my lap.
She took a deep intake of breath. She sighed.
"Something wicked this way comes...was that MacBeth or Omelete?" She asked closing her eyes.

"That's "Hamelet" and I dont remember. I dont like Shakespeare..Overrated." I sated. She chuckled her breath.
"Why doesnt that surprise me?" She asked looking up at me.
"Because nothing ever know me so well Gita...remember?" I said with a smile.
"That I do. Heh oh so true.." She giggled at her rhymed words and continued.

"The sky is blue..My heart is too. Why do humans do what they do? making you ache through and through. My heart is blue. the sky is too. Why do they do what they do..."
She then looked at me strangely. "you swear?" she asked.

"I swear what?" I asked confused.

"That you dont love anyone. Do you swear that there isnt a suitor...or a friend that you might love?" She seemed quite distraught for some reason that she did...
"First of all Gita, I hate all suitors. And secondly aside from you..I ahve no friends. but where on earth is this coming from anyway?" She sat up at that.
"Listen Kahnna...I want to make a promise with you." Gita began. She placed my hands in hers and held them tightly.
"Let's promise that we'll always be together. Can you do that?"
I was confused. Though of course I wouldnt object, but there was something that wasnt clicking right.

Why was Gita so frantic on making this promise?

"Okay. I'll promise. Just us." I said reassuring her panicky face.
"Forever?" she said.
"Yes...forever and always...."


Father called me down for the first time in almost a month to have tea with a suitor.

The suitor was exactly like the others. He chatted away with my father, not making eye contact with me. After all, why? The only reason he wants to marry me is for my father's fortune. Sex and money, that's what our world revolves around.

Money and Sex.

Sex and money.




"Kahnna, show Lord Bennett your appreciation." Father said breaking me from my thought.

I gave the man my hand and said; "I appreciatted him coming here all the way from London."

I pretended to care when he choked a little drinking his tea.

I faked a laugh when he tried to make a joke.

I told him I enjoy his company.

When he left, I thanked father.


I headed towords the stairs when I heard Clarie and Antionette's voices. I thought I heard her say my name.

"Kahnna will never chose a suitor, and there's a simple reason for it, Clarie." She said to Clarie chuckling.

"Why's that ma'am?" Clarie asked.

"The fact that she's a lesbian. You can see it. The way she acts when she's with Gita. It's that of a lovesick puppy." She said. My breathing grew heavy.
"I'm telling you Claire, it's all that gypsie blood in her. If it hadnt been for that whore's genes she'd have turned out to be a well-breeded girl." She and Claire Chuckled.
"Well ma'am the same is said of dogs you know. If there's something wrong with the bitch, it's sure to be passed down to the puppies." They laughed Hysterically.


I ran to my room. I hugged my patchy plush rabbit with all my might. I sobbed.

They called Ameria a whore.

They compared me to a dog.

They called me a...

They called me a lesbian.
Just because Gita and I got along so well?
Gita is the only friend I've ever had. How dare they!

How could they twist something so good into that? Gita made me happy! She's the only thing in this hellhole life I lead that makes sense. She made me smile and laugh when I wanted to cry and hide. That she does.

There's nothing wrong with that was there?

Does it actually seem like I want that from Gita? That's when suddenly I realized something. Everything I just thought... it... Made perfect sense why Clarie and Antionette thought these things...


"Gita makes me happy." I whispered.
"She makes me feel good." I gasped.

Gita... I was falling for her.

Everything made sense.

Antionette was right. And it was because she was absolutely right that made me angry. I'm not angry because I love Gita. I'm angry because I've made it a habit to show.

All those times I had been embarassed by Gita's actions...
Like when I called her "loose" for being nude. When she came into my room for the first time.
When we first made eye contact in father's study. It hadnt been friction I felt.
It was love.

I am in love with Gita Ala Dahlia Ivory. I am in love with a woman. This might be a good thing. This might also be a horrible thing. I now understand it at the very least.


Of course Gita comes in as I'm falling apart in my anguish and confusion.
I must have looked pathetic clutching a rabbit with patches and the ribbons falling out of my hair.

"Kahnna?" She walks over to me. She sits next to me. "What's wrong? Don't cry. Tell me what happened." She said taking her thumb to wipe my tears away.
"I overheard Antionette saying I was..." I cried harder.
"You were what?" Gita asked. She was caressing my face now. It felt good, warm, loving...something I've never known.
"She called me a lesbian." Gita stopped. She paused. ".....Why?" She asked after a few moments.
"She thinks I spend too much time with you. I'm finally happy and she's ruined it." Gita hugged me tight.
"She hasnt ruined anything. I'm still with you." She said.
"But...she said I was-" I began only to have her stop me.
"And are you? Are you attracted to me?" She asked. She's so good at being straightforward.
Yes I was very attracted to her. I loved her. But I didnt want to scare her.
What if she'd be angry? What if she were repulsed? I wont lose Gita.
"N-no.She's wrong." Gita looked to the floor.
All was silent and still. I heard her sigh. Then she looked up to me and smiled.
"See? There you go. You're fine then." She said.
But something wasnt fine.

[End notes: well there you guys go! Hope you liked it!]

Chapter 7

Title: Silent all these years

[Author's notes: The love letters have tidbits of beautiful love quotes that my boyfriend sent to me. They mean alot to me so I wanted to use them. Enjoy the long awaited chapter.]

I awoke this morning feeling wrong.
I was feeling as if someone cut me deep. Deep enough to draw blood. So deep that you could see inside me. See my blood, see my organs, see my heart, see my soul. My soul which is wavering with regret. The regret that I didnt say what I wanted to Gita.
Last night I was sad.

I heard Antionette and Claire talking down upon me. I thought that hurt me. I thought that it was they who held the knife that was tearing my flesh. No.

No, it was the fact that I had an epiphany. I realized that I loved Gita deeply. Unconditionally. Irrevocably.

It was only months ago I lead a droll, depressing, dark life. Gita had brought life to me. She was the angel that graced me with love and light that I had never known. Everything I knew before had become warped into her vision some how.

The garden held mercy on me once.
It wasnt just full of mercy and Blood Roses anymore.
Crysanthemums were glowing now.
Violets became like dusk, warming me.
This is all a result of her gentle care and touch.

And I lied to her.

She asked me...
"And are you? Are you attracted to me?"
I was. But I said...
"N-no.She's wrong." 
But she was right. Antionette was right.
"Goddammit all..." I murmered.


I arose from my bed of contemplation and disappointment.
"You sure stare off alot huh?" A ginger and honey filled voice said.

Gita was sitting in a chair across the room from me.
"How long were you watching me?" I asked.
"Would it be cliche' if I said Long enough?" She said with a giggle.
"I'll change the question then, When did you get in here?"
She pondered a moment.
"Perhaps a little before sun-up." She said looking out my window.
The sunlight of the morning lit her face beautifully.
Her eyes even warmer than usual, gazed at me...and I was falling

"Say...Gita..." I began.
"Say, Kahnna." She said with a smile so sweet my mouth quaked with temptaion.
"I...I have something I want to tell you today." I said showing her meaning in my eyes. For some reason...I feel as if she disreguarded it.
"I do as well. But I need to do my business immediately. Come downstairs once you've gotten dressed."
And she left without another word of it.


In an emerald green dress I headed downstairs.
I was greeted halfway down by Claire.
"Good morning Lady Kahnna." She dared to say to me. I sent her a look of daggars.
She looked confused but hurried to her duties.

I met up with Gita.

Her eyes today were glowing. I believe the ivory dress made this so. She wore it well too...

"I have something to show you Kahnna...will you come with me?"She asked. Of course I'd go with her.
"Yes." I replied.
She took my hand and we headed outside.
We walked along the path which lead to the garden. The smells of yesterday filled my lungs with sweetness. We were heading to the back house.

The back house was used for storage. Old pictures, books, and other things we didnt use found a home in this cluttered place.

"Why are we here Gita?." I asked her quite confused. Gita turned away from me. It looked as though she were ashamed.

"There's something I found when I first came here to live with you and your family. Something I should have shared with you a long time ago Kahnna." She said solemnly.
"What is it Gita? Whatever it is it can't be as bad as what I've been hiding from you too." I sad truthfully.
"I think it is. Here."
Gita was holding a box in her hands.
"What is it?" I asked taking it from her.
"Open it up." She said hiding her face.

I gasped when I saw what was inside.

It felt as thought my heart was being pulled at.  

Inside the box was a diary, countless letters, and small bottles of perfume. The diary read, Ameria Jeanantria Rose Steigerwale. 
The letters were all from my father to my mother.
"You have to know..."Gita started.
"You have to know how much your father adored your mother. Read the letters, then come to me, we can talk then."

She left without another word.

My heart was quaking. My fingers trembled as I opened the first envelope.
I pulled out a crinkled piece of paper. I took a deep breath and began to read.

The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it.  You and you alone make me feel that I am alive.  Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen you and you are enough. I love you more than words can express my dear. I swear to you on all that is Holy, I will find a way for us.
My Family will never understand the love I feel for you! I will cover you with love when next I see you, with caresses, with ecstasy.  I want to gorge you with all the joys of the flesh, so that you faint and die.  I want you to be amazed by me, and to confess to yourself that you had never even dreamed of such transports.... When you are old, I want you to recall those few hours, I want your dry bones to quiver with joy when you think of them. For if there is a way, I will find it. You and I will live forever in the passion that is us. You will bare me a child and we shall raise it in our love. We shall watch it grow old as we do. And when the time comes, I shall pray that God takes us away from this cold earth together. Ameria you are my sky, my ocean, and the stars! Never forget that.
You are the beat of my heart.


Your Friedrich

My eyes were filled to the brim with tears.
How could a man as brittle as my Father say such words of passion?
How could he dare to speak of love?
And how could he love my mother?

The next Letter was from my Mother.
My heart was thudding again. I settled myself and read on.

My Dearest Friedrich,

There are no words to express the gratitude I feel in my heart, that our hearts have come to dwell together, as one. You are my life, my heart, my soul. You are my best friend. 
You are my one true love. The day we met was fate. Our lives intertwining was fate. You are my destiny. I love you more today than I did yesterday, and I'll love you more tomorrow than I do today. Loving you is the only thing that makes life worth living.
Please forgive me for all the hurt that my family might have caused you in the past; I love you and I always will until I die. Hopefully, when that day comes, I will still have you by my side and you will be that last angel face I see. I will be able to hold you in my arms one last time and tell you how much I love you and how much you really mean to me.

I love you forever,

It was absolutely amazing.


Chapter 8

Title: The Bridge

[Author's notes:

So it's almost been a year since I've updated...I'm sooooo sorry. I have very little time since I'm a student with a lot on her plate. <3 enjoy this chapter


A big thank you to my reviewers.
I take your construcive criticism and try to apply it to my writing!



A letter.
A love letter from exchanged between my parents.
A letter filled with such tenderness.
My mother's words scrawled across the parchment.
How it must have filled my scrict Father's heart!

I read more and more letters from the box Gita gave me.

My parents were so deep in love.
My Father and Mother loved eachother!

Of all the news I could have recieved in this world, This was truly the best.

The last letter made my hands quiver.
Tears formed in my eyes.

 "Hey Kahnna..." A familiar honey voice said.
Gita smiled but it wasn't her usual genuine smile. If there was one thing I now knew well about Gita was that her facial expression said it all. She felt guilty she hadn't shared this with me.
The guilt was plain across her face.
I wasn't angry. In fact, I understood why she may have waited to inform me of this.
Gita knew me. She know I may not have reacted positively in the beginning of our friendship...Friendship, would that be all that lived between us?

"Hey Gita." I replied with a smile to reassure her I wasn't angry.
"They're beautiful letters no?" Gita asked sitting down next to me.
"Beyond that. Now I know my Father truly loved her. And mother loved me. Now I can make my decisions.." I said holding the last letter close to my heart.
Gita looked up at me with confused eyes. Decisions?"
I nodded.
"I'm going to find my mother...I need to think things over. I'm retiring to my room."

Spending time alone can be a daunting and scary thing.

Your mind collects thoughts you'd rather not listen to,

Making the decision of going to Germany to find my other was a lovely thought....
But in reality it was only just a thought.

Making it a true reality would be easier said than done.

Getting there wasn't the only obstacle.
I was a problem as well.
Would Ameria even like the person I am?

How could you like, let alone love, someone who quesitons her own humanity?

I was a constant ticking clock ready to sound my alarm at any moment. I felt like this monster ready to burst with anger and sadness.

The anger from the abuise.
Antionette for never caring for me truly. For her snarky and sneer comments that she bombarded me with since I was a small girl.
Louis for the kissing, touching, and penetration filled with true venom.

The sadness from neglect.
This came soley from Father.
Father never hears my voice. He never once asked what my heart felt in regards to anything. He never, ever told me about my real mother. And he surely never told me he loved her so much.

Looking at my hands, my small and frail hands, I pondered.
What would it take to cross the bridge that lay between my true heart and my personal demons?
The demons forever attacked the bridge. They obsessively try to burn it and cut all ties from my emotion.

That is why I run from Gita.
It must be.
But I was done with running from her.
It was time to run to her.

I stood outside of Gita's door.
I knock once and she opens up immediately.
She gave me her honey smile. My body felt warm with that sensation of true admiration.

"I thought you were never coming out of that room love." Gita embraced me and giggled.
I wrapped my arms around her small frame.
She was wearing a thin silk nightgown. I'd never noticed how small Gita in actuality was. I was always around her and I had seen...many...sides of her, but never had I realized how tiny her body was. I realized at that moment that we never held eachother like this before.

"Please, do come inside." She said taking my hand and leading me into her domain.

She pulled me onto her bed and continued comforting me with her smile.
"What did you think about Kahnna?" She asked. I stared at her. I noticed at that moment the way she said my name. When she spoke it, it was like it was the most beautiful sound in the world. And it wasn't just how she said it, but also the way it flowed from her lips. Her lips parted ever so delicately, taking great care to deliver the sound oh so perfectly.

I looked up at her.
"What's wrong with me Gita?"
I said trembling. I crumbled into her wrapping my arms around her midrift.
"Your heart's too big and You're scared. But you needn't be. I'm going to help you."
I shook my head.
"You've helped me enough. You've been at the end of the bridge waiting for me." I whispered.
"What do you mean Kahnna?" She asked stroking the small of my back with her delicate finger tips.
I sat up and looked into her eyes.
"Gita..."I said. The sound of her name alone made my heart pound.
"What is it Kahnna? Say what you must. No more hot and cold."
I caressed her face.
"Thank you. If I had never met you, I'd never of found myself. I would never have seen those letters. But most importantly.."I kissed her cheek lightly and sweet.
"..I never would have found real love."

Before I knew it, Gita's silk nightgown lay on the floor next to mine.
Gita was above me.
It was like looking up at an angel. The most beautiful and the purest of all angels.

Her hands linked with mine as she tenderly kissed my neck. Her staggering breath created a syncopated rhythem with mine, as well as our own heart beats. I lifted my head to let our lips meet.
She tasted like I thought she would, like sweet and sticky honey.
I let my hands roam her gorgeous frame.
Her soft, heaving breasts felt like a treasure in my hands. Soft moans escaped from her trembling mouth.
Her fingers met my folds, my fingers met hers.
This was the first time I felt something new, beautiful, and exciting all in one moment. Stimultaniously our fingers caressed the other\'s area. She was damp from the pleasure I was giving her. This made me yearn to give her more.
"Kah-ha-nna..."She groaned.
"Mmms" and "Aaahs" escaped from our lips as we continued exploring eachother. We were on the most erotically stunning journey ever...
"Gita..." I whispered.
"Yes?" She breathed.
"I love you..." All movement ceased. Slowly Gita kissed me.
"I know it. And how I love you Kahnna Renior. Now..." She started to move herself to face my folds head on.
"Feel my love..."


[End notes:

That's it for this chapter!

sorry it's taken so long!


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