Story: Heart (all chapters)

Authors: YuriFanGirl

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Chapter 1

Title: Chapter One: System Dilemma

[Author's notes:

This was my first ever attempt at writing a fic and I can't believe I forgot to post it here!  I've given it a minor facelift to clear up some of the more obvious errors since I posted it on FP.

Ah Xenosaga.... why the game designers felt the need to tease us with a Shion x KOS-MOS relationship across three games, an anime series, interviews with the developer, advertisements for the game, concept art, etc.. only to slap us in the face during that craptastic ending I'll never understand. The whole series just leaves me feeling empty inside when I think about it now...

Heart was my attempt to alter the series enough that I could enjoy it. Many characters have been drastically changed or written out entirely. Basically the whole thing centers around KOS-MOS realizing she has emotions and learning to use them.

Shion x KOS-MOS




Chapter One



System Confusion




    'Erratic behavior detected, run diagnostic.'

    Even before the scanner ran through my systems I could predict the outcome.  The results of the latest scan turned up the same null results as before, all programming algorithms were operating within acceptable parameters, no abnormalities found.  Disappointed with the results, I did as Shion had asked me to do when disappointment and emitted an audible sigh.

    “Well KOS-MOS, are you going to explain yourself?” Shion asked, concern detectable in her voice.

    'Erratic behavior detected, run... cancel diagnostic.'  I knew it would be a waste of reserve power.

    “My apologies Shion, I do not know how to respond to your query.”

    “O-oh... okay,” she stammered, the concern from before had been replaced by confusion.  She thought for a moment then perked up with an idea.  “Well what are you feeling right now?”  My programming keyed in and responded with a standard answer.

    “The current temperature is seventy-three degrees, the current air density is...” she interrupted, exasperation replacing the confusion.

    “No no no.  I mean what do you feel with your emotions?”

     'Erratic... cancel and shut down erratic behavior detection.'

    “Judging by the slight increase in my skin temperature and the tension of my abdominal muscles, the closest terminology to what I currently feel would be embarrassment.”  Shion giggled, causing an increase in both aforementioned conditions.

    “That's understandable, silly,” the pitch and tone of her voice now expressing a form of happiness.

    “I do not understand.  I've committed theft without having any program directive to do so, and am only now experiencing embarrassment after you discovered my actions.  I do not understand the delay in my emotional reaction.”  Shion giggled again, it lasted four seconds longer this time.  I noted another slight increase in temperature, specifically to my face and neck.

    “You're only embarrassed because you got caught, KOS-MOS!  The reason you stole it in the first place is because you wanted it for yourself.”

    “The feeling of want is irrelevant, only my...” she interrupted me once more, annoyance taking over as her primary emotion.

    “What have I told you about ignoring your feelings KOS-MOS!  I want you to use them because they are unique only to you... they're what makes you special... special to me.”  Sadness had entered her voice during the last moments of her outburst.  Even without my Erratic Behavior detection functioning, I knew my reaction would be irrational.

    “I apologize Shion, I will attempt to rely more on my feelings if that would please you.”  Her eyes widened several centimeters before she attempted to speak, paused, and then ceased the action entirely.  I used the time gained from her delay to scan my memory disks.

    'Why did I want it enough to take action outside of my protocols?  It was only a hard copy photograph, I could have simply scanned it and stored the scan in my data banks.  Why the need to possess the physical copy?  Perhaps it was the image stored on the photograph that had caused my irrational action?'

    “KOS-MOS,” she started with apprehension in her voice, “who programmed that last line you spoke to me?”

    “I apologize but I am not showing such a response in my data banks.  It is probable that it came from my feelings.”  There was a slight tension at the side of her lips indicating that she wished to smile but was resisting.  Knowledge of this caused another slight increase in my facial temperature, as well as further contraction of my abdominal muscles.  Shion put a hand on her hip, tilted her head slightly, and stuck out her other hand expectantly.

    “Well?” she asked with mirth not dictated by her body positioning.  I was aware that she was asking for the return of the photograph, but I was unable to formulate a proper response.

    “I do not understand.”

    “Are you going to return it to me?” her smile had broadened several centimeters.

    “Negative, I desire to keep it.”  The response, while not being present in my data banks, felt very natural.  She was staring at me, and I judged from the minute trembling of her shoulders that she was struggling not to laugh.  “I apologize for my error, I will retrieve it for you immediately.”  I turned around and walked slowly to my recharging station.

    “You put it in there!”  Shion exclaimed from behind me.  I chose not to respond to avoid further feelings of embarrassment.  Upon opening the hatch the picture was brought into my line of sight.  I reached out to remove it but found myself pausing three centimeters from the photograph.

    'This is irrational, the photograph is unnecessary to my functions.'  I ran a scan of the photograph to attempt to locate any anomalies within it's structure.  I noticed an odd sensation had formed deep in my stomach as the image was displayed across the field of my vision.  The image was of myself and Shion standing side by side on the beach.  I was wearing the swim suit that Shion had provided for me with the explanation that I would look more appealing visually while wearing it.  I noted that she had her arm around my waist in the picture and was smiling in a way that was unfamiliar to me.  

    Upon noticing this a peculiar desire for further personal contact with Shion entered my mind.  Without any input of my own, my systems began scheduling interactions that would lead to close proximity to Shion.  Most surprising of all was the shift in my battle algorithm that placed Shion's safety above even directive completion.  The changes were happening so quickly and in such number that I couldn't keep track of them all.  In a matter of seconds everything I had come to accept as standard had changed.  I was so occupied with my internal systems that I failed to notice Shion's approach until I felt her hand on my lower back.

    “Shion, I... I...”  A new and unfamiliar emotion had entered my processes, fear, and with it came uncertainty.

    “It's okay KOS-MOS, if you want to keep it so badly then I want you to have it.  Consider it a gift.  I'll simply ask MOMO to print another copy so that we both have one.”

    “I understand, thank you Shion.”  She was silent for twelve seconds before speaking.

    “You're so beautiful KOS-MOS...”  She had moved closer, pressing her body against my frame and wrapping her arms around my waist.  The unfamiliar emotion in my system was  rapidly changing into something else I could not recognize.  My feelings told me that Shion's proximity should have made me feel happiness, however, I felt an unfamiliar sadness.

    “Shion...” I was experiencing a vocal anomaly that caused my speech to tremble audibly.  “I do not understand...”  I managed before by breathing vessels convulsed and the system regulating my tear ducts activated.



What we are now...



    'It had felt so good to hold her like that... just like old times.'

    I'd been laying in bed for hours, unable to sleep after the day's events.  This had only been the latest in a series of bizarre interactions with the beautiful android.  Right from the very first time she woke up I've known she was somehow different.  It wasn't just the fact that she was obeying orders and displaying abilities that I never programmed into her.  It was something else... almost like she really was...


    For the hundredth time I questioned my decision to comply with her final wish and continue to design KOS-MOS according to the original plans.  I shook my head to attempt to clear those thoughts away.  She must have felt it would bring me comfort to see her likeness after she was gone.  Comfort, yes, along with a whole slew of other emotions that were confusing and, with the onset of KOS-MOS's odd behavior... a little frightening.”

    'I love you...'

    No, it hadn't taken long to realize that she was more than just an android, more than just something I created, but how much more I wasn't quite certain.  What exactly was hiding behind those crimson eyes... so unlike hers and yet... so hauntingly familiar.

    “What's happening to you KOS-MOS?” I whispered to the darkened room as I drifted into sleep.



What we once were...



    “Shion, you want some coffee?”  No response.  “Hey Shion, I said do you...” noticing that Shion was furiously typing away and oblivious to the world, the woman quietly made her way behind the girl and leaned in real close to whisper directly into her ear.  “Shion!”

    “Wha!” the young researcher screamed, nearly falling out of her chair at the sudden interruption.  Breathing deeply for a moment to calm herself, she put her hand over her heart and sighed.  Looking up to glare at her would be assailant, she instantly regretted it as her eyes met with the woman's beautiful cerulean pools.  She had to fight down an involuntary shiver before lowering her head, “I wish you wouldn't frighten me like that!”

    “I think you need to relax a little, hon,” the woman said with with a lighthearted laugh as she set the coffee she had brought onto the young woman's desk, “or am I really just that scary looking?” she asked, quirking a dark blue eyebrow.

    “Oh goodness no, you're absolutely beautiful!” Shion squeaked, causing another laugh.  Realizing what she'd just said the girl buried her head in her hands in an attempt to hide her blushing face.

    “Oh no need to be embarrassed hon, I already know you think I'm sexy beyond words.”  All humiliation forgotten, Shion stood and faced her tormentor.

    “What do you mean by that Dr. Magdalen?!” Shion squawked indignantly.

    “I hacked your diary,” the taller woman said with all seriousness.  Shion's eyes flew wide open.

    “You... how could you do that?!  It's double encrypted and sealed under two separate security protocol measures and...” the woman was simply staring at her with a smug expression.  Hanging her head in shame, Shion accepted her defeat.  “How long have you known?”

    “A while,” the woman said simply, flipping a lock of dark blue hair over her shoulder, a hint of mischief in her eyes going unnoticed by the shorter woman.

    “What... what are you going to do about this?  I don't think I can stop love... I don't think my feelings will change.  You're the most beautiful and intelligent and charming person I've ever met.”  Shion was silent for a while, struggling against the urge to turn and flee.  “But... this project means so much to me, and I know how much it means to you.  If you feel it's in the best interest to remove me, then I guess I'll have to respect that.  So... what are you going to do?”

    “Hm,” the woman said thoughtfully before leaning down and giving Shion a quick peck on the lips.  “I was thinking of something along the lines of dinner, then I was going to kiss you many, many times to make up for the last year I've spent not doing so, then I was going to take you back to my room so we can have a nice long talk about just how much I love you, Shion Uzuki.”

    “I... I... oh my.  I just... I never... I never even...” Shion babbled mindlessly, unable to take it all in.  The woman laughed a sweet musical laugh and put her hands on Shion's shoulders, leaning in to give the stunned woman another quick kiss.

    “Well don't think too long on it or I'll leave you here and go eat dinner by myself,” she said before spinning on her heel and taking a few steps toward the exit.  She stopped and turned her head, eyes gleaming with mischief.  “Oh and just so you know, I never hacked your diary!”  Shion's eyes nearly popped out of her head.

    “But... then how did you know I was in love with you!”

    “I didn't, my cute little assistant just told me all about it!”  The implications set in and Shion began sputtering in outrage.  “Oh, and now that we're an item, you'll have to let me read those entries that describe me as sexy beyond words!” she called over her shoulder as she made for the exit.

    “Oh!  You... you're horrible Dr. Magdalene!” Shion shouted while running to catch up to the woman.  Despite her outrage she couldn't help but giggle at the blue haired woman's antics.  The woman stopped suddenly and spun around, forcing Shion to skid into the womans waiting arms.

    “You know,” the woman said, cupping Shion's cheek in her hand, “if we're going to be together then it just wouldn't feel right being referred to as “Dr.” by my lover.  From now on,” she leaned in close and brushed her lips against Shion's ear, “call me Mary,” she whispered softly before pulling back and capturing the young woman's lips in a long, passionate kiss.



System Dilemma



    I entered her room fully aware that she may view my actions as an invasion of her privacy.  I was not concerned as there was only a twelve percent chance that she would be upset with my actions.  I was, after all, merely complying to her desire for me to learn to act in a more human like manner.  With the new option implanted in my data fields, I had decided that she herself would be the best subject.

    My programming regarding interior decoration was limited, however, I found Shion's style to be efficient as well as pleasing to look at.  As I made my way around the room, using stealth patterns to avoid waking the sleeping woman, I took note of each individual item and it's possible functions in my database for further examination.  I did hesitate slightly when I reached her closet, the probability of creating an uncomfortable situation greatly increased if I should look inside.

    I issued a notice to apologize for my actions when she awoke and opened the doors to take a cursory glance.  My newfound sense of apprehension was building so I quickly scanned the styles and sizes of her wardrobe for further inquiry and closed the doors.  Three seconds later I could detect her stirring and made my way to her bedside.  Upon looking down at her sleeping face the now familiar twinge in my abdomen appeared.

    I decided that the most efficient course of action would to ask her about my current situation and explain to her my desire to become more human for her.  I sat down on her bed slowly to keep from disturbing her and waited for her to wake.  Upon closer inspection of her face I noticed that a strand of her hair had fallen across it.  I was surprised to find that the urge to reach out and brush it aside was nearly able to overwhelm my programming that prevented me from interrupting her sleep cycle for a non-emergency.  In the end, the addition of yet another uncomfortable emotion was more than I was capable of withstanding and deemed it acceptable to wake her and apologize for my actions.



What we may become...




    “Not now... sleepy.”


    “Leave me alone, I'm tired!”

    “Shion, I request that you wake up.”

    “Oh!  I said leave me alone!” I shouted, throwing off the sheets and sitting bolt upright only to meet KOS-MOS halfway in an impromptu kiss.  At that moment I couldn't tell you what surprised me more, the fact that I was kissing KOS-MOS, or the fact that from the look in her eyes she was just as surprised as I felt.  After a few tense moments her eyes seemed to harden back into their normal state, yet she made no move to pull away.

    'Warm... her lips are warm...'

    I shook the thought away and, with some reluctance I noticed, pulled away from the kiss to lay back down on the bed.  She sat there leaning over me slightly, braced on one hand with her usual semi-emotionless look on her face.  No, that wasn't quite right, there was something different in her eyes.

    “Good morning, Shion,” she said, her voice jostling me from my chain of thought.

    “G-Good morning, KOS-MOS,” I said, her standard waking response had thrown me off a little.  “Um, may I ask what you're doing in my room?”

    “I am here to inform you that I wish to use you as my example for learning to act more like a normal human.  I also feel I must apologize for entering your private space and looking through your belongings without your permission.”

    “I... okay... wait, what?  Why did you look through my stuff?”  My mind was spinning with everything that was happening.

    “If you are to be my example I felt it was necessary to better understand how you live, Shion.”  She seemed to hesitate for a moment.  “Also, I was... I believe the proper description would be that I was curious.”

    “And what did you learn?”  I asked, quirking an eyebrow.  This was just too good an opportunity to pass up.

    “You're style of design for your living area is simple and efficient, I found it to be satisfactory.  While examining your clothing I discovered that other than the swimming suit you wear on occasion, your fashion style is modest and appears to be assembled for comfort rather than accentuating your appearance.”  I certainly hadn't been expecting that.

    'Modest and assembled for comfort... KOS-MOS just called me frumpy!'  “Well sorry for being such a poor example,” I said in mock outrage.  “I wish I could pull off those skimpy outfits you wear!”  The incredulity of the conversation had caused me to forget that she probably wouldn't understand.

    “I do not understand, Shion.  You wish to remove my clothing?” She asked, her head tilting very slightly to the side in a manner I did not recognize and found utterly adorable.

    'What the hell is wrong with me?  Trying to goad her like that...' I thought sullenly, shaking my head a little.  “I'm sorry KOS-MOS, I'm still a little tired, ignore what I said.”  The silence that followed brought the kiss back to the forefront of my attention, causing a blush to creep across my cheeks.  I couldn't imagine a situation where her programming would have called for something like that so it had to of come from her growing sense of emotions.

    “KOS-MOS... why did you kiss me?”

    “It was a coincidence.  I was trying to awaken you by shaking your shoulder, your reaction upon awakening brought our lips into contact with one another.”  It was slight, but I noticed a small twitch in her eye.  “I apologize for failing to prevent it,” she said, her voice again adopting the smallest hint something that sounded like apprehension.

    “Oh...” I said quietly, finding that I was surprisingly disappointed.

    “Your lips...” she said, then paused for a moment.  I noticed that the eye twitch had returned.  “Were they damaged from our... kiss?”  The last word had come out as a throaty whisper that actually surprised both of us.  My eyes went wide and she looked away with a hint of red in her normally pale cheeks.  I couldn't help but smile.

    “No KOS-MOS... it was wonderful.  You're a very good kisser!” I said, giggling slightly.  My happiness melted away when I saw her lower her head and sigh.  “What's wrong KOS-MOS?” I asked, sitting up and sliding next to her.  I had to lean down so I could look up into her face, she was crying.  “Are you okay?”

    “I'm,” she hitched, “confused, Shion.  I am unfamiliar with these new emotions.  I... I am afraid that I will not be able to become more human for you.  The thought of disappointing you makes me feel sad and I am unfamiliar with this sadness which causes me to be confused and I am unfamiliar with confusion so it makes me afraid and I am...”

    “Oh KOS-MOS!” I shouted, wrapping my arms around the crying android.  “You could never disappoint me, I'm so proud of you for even trying to learn these things!  You're doing something that no android has ever done before, and the fact that you can even feel all these things means you're doing a wonderful job!”

    “Are you certain?” she asked, her crying stopping almost immediately.

    “I'm certain,” I whispered, wiping the tears away from her cheeks.  “Now, do you want to do go out and do something that may help you learn some things about being human?”

    “Affirmative, Shion.”  Her usual tone had returned, I had to struggle to hold back a frown.

    “Good, then we're going shopping for some new clothes!  A good friend of mine recently pointed out that I need to update my wardrobe...” I muttered sullenly.  If I didn't know any better, I'd swear she was trying to hide a smile.

[End notes:

There's one other chapter I wrote which I'll post when I get around to editing it.

Whacha think?  Kind of a cute idea but poor planning and raw, seething hatred for the ending of the series left me completely unable to finish it.  Oh well, it was still fun to write and it'll be fun to see what you think.


In Loving Memory of Kasumi Lien Li Masters


Chapter 2

Title: Chapter Two: System Deception

[Author's notes:

Here's another one of the teaser pics they used to lie to us.  Yeah... that's not misleading at all... *rolls eyes*

Shion x Kos-Mos


Oh and here's a photo that I based KOS-MOS' outfit on.  Not sure who made it but they kick ass! 




Chapter Two



System Deception




    “It'll be okay KOS-MOS, you look wonderful!” the tiny girl squeaked.  I looked at myself in the mirror and frowned slightly to express my distaste, I was beginning to doubt the Realian's ability to pick out clothing.

    “Do you think Shion will approve?” I asked.  The little girl immediately proceeded to emit a long series of giggles.  “If my appearance is so humorous then the probability is high that Shion will not approve, please select something else.”  This only brought further laughter from the girl.  I sighed and began feeling behind me for the zipper so I could remove the outfit.

    “You really care about Shion, don't you KOS-MOS?” she said suddenly, causing me to pause a moment before responding.

    “Shion is my creator and my caretaker, as well as the only person under my highest priority of protection.  She is...”

    “I didn't mean it like that and you know it, KOS-MOS!  You can't trick me so easily, I'm a 100-Series, remember?  Come on, I'm not gonna tell anybody, I just wanna know.”

    “I do not understand,” I said quietly, she looked as if she wanted to say something but stopped, realizing I was hiding nothing.  “Something has awakened within my processor, a consciousness that is capable beyond what my programming should allow.  Forty-eight hours and twenty-three minutes ago, this new consciousness altered the majority of my systems, allowing me to care for Shion outside of my directives.”

    “Do you love her?”


    “Is everything okay in there girls?”  Shion's voice cut in, she sounded very happy and excited.

    “Everything is fine Shion, I am coming out now,” I said, stepping toward the curtain.

    “KOS-MOS I...” she began.

    “When I know for myself, I will tell you,” I said quietly before stepping out of the curtains.

    “KOS-MOS!” Shion exclaimed, eyes wide, one hand covering her mouth in surprise.  “You look...” she appeared to be unable to speak.

    “See, I told you she'd...”  MOMO began.

    “Hilarious!” Shion blurted out, falling to the ground and rolling back and forth while laughing hysterically.  I could feel my right eyebrow twitch slightly as my facial temperature increased a full degree as I turned to return to the dressing area.  I had suspected the Realian girl's choices were somehow incorrect and Shion's laughter had confirmed it.  From behind me came the recognizable hum, click, and flash of a photograph being taken which served to heighten the level of my embarrassment.

    “Oh my gosh, I just love the way the skirt poofs out at the butt!”  Shion exclaimed in the form of a giddy squeal.  Hearing how happy she was caused me to shift my tactics slightly, if Shion was pleased, I felt I could handle the embarrassment of the situation.

    “Shion, I...” I began as I turned to face her, only to be met by another flash of the camera.

    “Oh and the way the short jacket and corset accentuate the chest.  So cute!”  I noticed the twitch in my right eyebrow had returned, and at a higher frequency.  I decided to implement Plan B.

    “Shion, by advancing two meters closer you would be able to increase picture quality thirteen percent,” I said, trying to sound as monotone as possible in light of my new emotions.

    “Oh, really?!” she said excitedly, advancing three steps forward and raising the device.  “Strike a cute pose, KOS-MOS, this'll be great shot for a scrapbook!”

    “What position would you prefer to take pictures of me in, Shion?”  I asked.  I noted that my answer had caused her to blush and filed the data away for further inspection.

    “Umm, let's see...” she said, tilting her head and tapping at her chin in a manner that caused an unusual reaction in my body.  I filed it away for further inspection as well.

    “Blow Shion a kiss!” MOMO suggested with a large amount of enthusiasm.  I ran the suggestion through several simulations but none of them seemed logical.

    “I do not understand that action.”

    “Here, it's like this,” Shion said before pressing her lips to the fingertips of her right hand before flattening it out and blowing in my general direction.  Both Shion's action, and the thought of performing the action myself caused my facial temperature to increase yet again.  I was beginning to suspect that Plan B was an inefficient method to accomplish my goals.

    “I will try for you, Shion,”  I said simply before I slowly set about to repeat the process.  As I brought my fingers to my lips I felt an odd connection to a previous event and quickly did a scan of my memory banks.  By the time I had leveled out my palm and blown I was witnessing the recording from my earlier interaction with Shion.  I found it unusual that kissing my fingers in this manner could create a feeling similar to the emotions I felt when I had accidentally kissed Shion.

    “Shion, you forgot to take the picture!”  I looked from my fingers to Shion and noticed that she was staring at me, the camera held in her right hand at her side.  She looked to be deep in thought, and if my sensors were correct, slightly fearful.  She suddenly shook her head and her facial expression returned to the previous one.

    “Oh, sorry, how clumsy of me!  Can you do it again KOS-MOS?”  I nodded and repeated the action, this time she was ready and took the picture accordingly.  I had to resist the urge to smile, it was time to implement Plan B.

    “Shion, the flash function of your recording device has a slight malfunction that will reduce photo quality six percent.  If you would like, I could fix it for you in exactly twenty-one seconds,” I said, again using a monotone voice, and held out my hand to receive the camera.

    “Really?  Thank you KOS-MOS,” she said with a wide smile as she removed the secure strap from her wrist and stepped closer to hand it to me.  I could not prevent the smile from forming at the success of my plan.  At the last moment, however, she hesitated and appeared to be studying my face.  She pulled the camera back to her chest and looked at me inquisitorially.  “Wait a second here, you're just going to smash it, aren't you?!”

    “Affirmative,” I admitted in defeat, knowing with absolute certainty that I was unable to deceive her directly.

    “Oh!” she said indignantly, shifting the camera back into it's sub-space pocket.  “You're such a brat!  Just for that little attempt KOS-MOS,” a very large smile spread across her face, “you're going to buy me lunch!”

    “It that would please you, Shion, but on one condition.”

    “O-Oh? What is it?” My response had clearly not been what she was expecting.  I had decided to cut my losses and retreat.

    “Allow me to change into my standard clothing.”



Our first date...




    The look on the panicky teenagers face when KOS-MOS threatened to commandeer the food stand was priceless.  It was sweet in a way that she was willing to go so far to fulfill a promise.  I did, however, make a note to avoid getting her to promise anything too extravagant, we didn't need another war.

    “My apologies Shion, I will attempt to locate a source of income so that I do not create a scene and embarrass you next time.”  I was just starting to ponder the words 'next time' when MOMO's giggle interrupted.

    “I think it's adorable that you'd be willing to go so far just to be able to go on a date with Shion!”  I promptly choked on my drink.

    “Date?” I managed to rasp through the sputtering coughs.

    “I do not understand,” KOS-MOS said from beside me as her hand began patting me on the back in a surprisingly gentle manner.

    “It's..” the tiny girl began but I cut her off with a stern look as my wheezing finally ceased.

    “How are you liking your drink KOS-MOS?” I asked quickly in hopes she would let it go.

    “It is... interesting,” she said thoughtfully, taking another sip.

    “I'm still surprised,” the little Realian chirped, “I've never heard of an android that could eat before.”  I smiled.

    “It's not like she digests it all the way or anything, it just gets vaporized after it goes down.  We felt it would be a pleasant way for her to interact with people.”

    “We?” MOMO asked with an adorable head tilt.  I noticed KOS-MOS had put her drink down and was looking at me.

    “KOS-MOS's co-creator, her name was Ma.. Dr. Magdalene.  She actually did all the initial work on the KP-X project and I came along later.  She was an amazing woman...” I began to drift off in the flood of memories and had to shake my head to stay focused.  “She was also the model for KOS-MOS's body, you know.”

    “Wow,” the little girl exclaimed with wide eyes, “there was a human as pretty as KOS-MOS?!”  I nodded, noticing the statement had caused KOS-MOS to blush out of the corner of my eye.

    “I am grateful for your and Dr. Magdalene's efforts,” she said, taking another sip from her drink, a brief look of wonderment flashing across her face.

    “You'd better be!” I said with a giggle, “it took three weeks just to program your taste buds!”

    Simple conversation set in around the table, mostly MOMO grilling me for details about Mary.  I noticed that the little Realian girl was extremely good at picking up subtle hints and before too long I had to give her another silencing glare to keep her from blurting out that we were lovers.  Eventually I would tell KOS-MOS about all the feelings she stirred within me, but now simply wasn't the time.

    “Shion, what exactly is a date?”

    “Damn it!” I hissed under my breath.  I noticed KOS-MOS had heard my outburst but did not comment.

    “It's when two people who care for, or love, each other as more than friends go out of their way to spend time with each other,” MOMO chirped happily.  I really hated the little Realian girl so much right then.  I turned to KOS-MOS and smiled sheepishly.

    “I understand,” she said simply, then smiled and went back to sipping her drink.  I certainly had been expecting more of a reaction than that.

    'Does this mean she approves of the idea?' I thought to myself, pondering all the possible implications.

    “Shion, are you finished with your meal?” KOS-MOS asked so suddenly that I almost jumped out of me seat.  “Are you okay, Shion?”

    “Oh, yeah, I'm fine, you just surprised me is all.  Yes, I'm finished,”  KOS-MOS went to collect my tray but I put my hands on hers.  “You don't need to do that KOS-MOS, I can get it.”

    “I do not feel the need to do it, Shion, I simply want to do it for you.”  There was such a compassionate tone in her voice that I let go of her hands and allowed her to collect the tray.

    I sighed and looked down at the tabletop, my mind awash with confusing emotions.  MOMO must have noticed my discomfort and nudged me under the table.  She mouthed the word 'sorry' and made a zipping motion across her lips, indicating that she wouldn't say any more pushy things.  I smiled gratefully, just as KOS-MOS returned.

    “KOS-MOS!  What happened?” I shouted, she looked to be carrying the majority of a combo meal on her clothes.

    “A young woman lost her footing, I calculated a thirty-four percent chance that she would sustain injury if I had evaded her.”

    “Well that was nice of you!  But not so nice for your clothes, you're a mess!”  I said, breaking into a fit of giggles.  She looked down at herself for a moment and looked to be considering something.

    “My external appearance is down forty percent, Shion, I need to be cleaned.”  My giggles promptly ceased, and I found it difficult to swallow over the lump in my throat.



System Anticipation


-Sexy Android-chan-

    I found it odd at first, that I could be grateful for having been spattered with various kinds of food.  My probability calculator could tell me nothing about the coming situation, but I had a feeling that something very important was about to happen.

    “Are you finished with your shopping, Shion?” I asked, noting that I was already carrying over a dozen bags of varied clothing and appearance altering apparel.

    “Aww, I think someone's just grumpy that they offered to carry our bags,” Shion commented to MOMO, the little Realian turned and grinned.

    “She won't be grumpy for long after she sees some of the things you bought her,” she said and followed the words with a low whistle, “Shion... you naughty woman!”  I frowned at Shion's coy expression.  They had asked me to wait outside of several stores so they could purchase some items that were to remain a surprise.  I found myself nearly glaring down at several of the bags I was holding, the sensation of curiosity was bothering me more than I had predicted it would.

    “Yeah, we're finished shopping KOS-MOS,” there was a noticeable drop in her enthusiasm, “let's go get you cleaned up.”

    “Are you okay, Shion?”  She looked at me, slightly surprised at first, but settled into a slight smile.

    “I'm fine, don't worry about me KOS-MOS.”  I didn't even need to analyze her vocal patterns to know she was lying.  I decided to spare her feelings and not press the issue, I did after all have a lot of thinking of my own to do.

    During our return to the Durandal I had noticed something that was worth documenting.  Two women were sitting at a secluded table, one with lavender colored hair and the other blonde, facial recognition was made impossible from the angle I viewed them from.  From my perspective I was, however, able to see that the blonde had her hand in the other's lap and was stroking the inside of the other woman's thigh.  Something told me this information would soon become valuable so I made no move to bring the two women to Shion or MOMO's attention.

     “No I don't want a mochachino, ya moron!  Give me a cup of coffee, normal coffee, black!” The sound of Captain Matthews arguing with the hallway beverage dispenser welcomed us as we arrived on the ship.  Noticing us, his scowl softened only slightly.  “You girls enjoyed your shopping I see,” he said, pointing at the numerous bags I was carrying.

    “It was an interesting experience, but not at all unpleasant,” I commented, earning me a surprised look from the man.  It was probable that he had not expected me to be the one to respond.

    “Not at all unpleasant, eh?  Well what do you call that mess?” he asked, pointing out the food particles that were still attached to my clothing.

    “The accident at the food court was unrelated to the shopping and thus did not effect my enjoyment of it.”

    “Well... good then.  Just clean yourself up, I don't you mucking up my ship with any of that.  And for god's sake don't use up all the hot water again!  I swear every time you women come on board it means icy showers for the rest of us!  And you!” he pointed at MOMO causing her to squeak in surprise, “see if you can find out what's wrong with this damn drink dispenser, the moron never gives me what I want!”

    “It's only because you're so mean to it all the time,” MOMO said, obviously insulted by the man's tone.

    “Of all the stupid...” he started as MOMO walked over to the machine.

    “One apple juice, please,” she asked the machine using her sweetest tone.

    “One apple juice,” the machine's vocal system replied, it hummed for a moment, then opened up and extended a cup of juice to the girl.

    “Thank you!” MOMO said, taking the cup from the machine and drinking it in an overly exaggerated fashion.  It was obvious from her demeanor that she was teasing Captain Matthews.  “See?”

    “Come on KOS-MOS, let's go get you cleaned up,” Shion said from beside me.  I nodded and walked with her down the hall, still listening to the interactions behind us.

    “Oh is that how it works?”  He cleared his throat.  “One coffee, please.”

    “One mochachino,” the machine replied, it's monotone voice seemed to have taken up a hint of humor.

    “Ya moron!” was the last thing I heard before the door to the crew area closed behind us.


    I noticed an immediate change now that Shion and I were alone.  An unknown anomaly had changed the feelings brought about by our interactions but I could not determine the cause.  Unable to think of a way to start a conversation, we made our way to Shion's quarters in an oppressing silence.

    “You can just set them over there by the closet,” she said quietly from the doorway.  I deposited the bags but made no move to leave the room.  I decided that discussing the situation would be the most efficient course of action to take.

    “Did you enjoy our date, Shion?”


    “When two people who care for, or love, each other as more than friends go out of their way to spend time with each other.  Was MOMO incorrect in her assessment?”  I asked.  Shion walked into the room, sealing it shut behind her.  She took my hands in hers and looked up into my eyes.

    “KOS-MOS... do you...”  I shook my head.

    “I do not yet understand enough to accurately express what it is that I am feeling.  However, I can say with one-hundred percent certainty that I care for you very much Shion.  I would protect you even if I had not reprogrammed it as one of my Primary Directives.”

    “Oh KOS-MOS,” she whispered, leaning against me and wrapping her arms around my waist.  “I wish I could say something that sweet to you... but my feelings are so complicated.  You look so much like her... but it feels so different.”

    “You and doctor Magdalene shared an intimate relationship, correct?”  She nodded against my shoulder.  “Does my appearance upset you?” She shook her head.

    “It's just confusing is all.  I know you're not Mary... but it goes further than that.  You're not just an android KOS-MOS, I don't know what it is, but there's something special about you.  I'm scared, scared of these feelings I have for you growing only to lose you like I lost her...”

    “Would you prefer it if we... we didn't...”  A pain that was not a part of my physical structure prevented me from speaking the words.  She pulled away and looked up into my eyes, she was crying.

    “No KOS-MOS, that wouldn't be fair to either of us.  These feelings you and I have are there for a reason and it would just be wrong to ignore them.  We'll just... take it a little slow, okay?”

    “If that would make you happy Shion,” I said quietly, my voice thick with pent up emotions.  I reached up to wipe away her tears, noticing that during the time she had held me some of the food particles had transferred onto her.  I giggled, surprising Shion and myself with the action before saying, “Shion, your external appearance is down thirty percent, you need to be cleaned...”

[End notes:

And so ends my first steps into the fantabulous world of shoujo-ai writing ^_^

I doubt if I'll ever pick this one up again but you never know.  I write wherever my inspiration takes me so if you're a fan of this, hope it brings me back here!  Review, tell me what you think, chit chat, strip naked and do a happy jig... whatever floats your boat ^_^


In Loving Memory of Kasumi Lien Li Masters


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