Forever In Neverland
Chapter Three
--
Shadow of despair...
--
If you had asked me but one day before I would have happily told you that I had never before wished myself dead... that I could no longer do. It should have been my life that was taken on that night, not hers. She was so brave, independent, and overwhelmingly selfless. With all my wealth and popularity I had never managed even one of the things a girl with nothing but the clothes on her back had been able to become. She deserved so much better then she had and because of me she would never have the chance to lay claim to it... because of me, she was dead...
--
“It should be me lying in this grave...” I whispered, tracing the words on the marble headstone with my fingers.
Petra Pan
My Savior...
Nobody had believed what she had done of course, they figured it was simply a child's passing fancy. I'd had to scream and cry for hours to get my father to purchase the burial plot and the headstone but it was the least she deserved.
“I'm sorry I wasn't able to visit yesterday,” I said quietly, removing a wilting bundle of roses and replacing them with fresh ones. “I've been busy with school and my music lessons and what have you. Between you and me it's all rather boring,” I whispered, giggling to myself at the image of her rolling her eyes. “You'd find me strange, wouldn't you? Sitting here prattling on about nonsense...” I smiled at a passing memory. “You were in my dreams again and they were even stranger then before. You were learning to fly from this hovering orb of light and...” I giggled, “I dare say it wasn't going so well. You kept bumping into this or that and falling on your bottom! Like all the dreams I have of you I awoke feeling so light at heart that I felt I too could leap into the sky.” I paused for a moment to imagine the two of us soaring through the clouds together. Sometimes I wonder if you dream about me as well... it's silly, I know. You probably have much more wonderful things to do then fretting away your time thinking of the foolish girl you rescued. Although I would be happy to call myself foolish if the kiss we shared still put a light in your heart as it does mine...” I finished, dabbing at my tears with a hankie. I could hear the faint crunch of leaves behind me.
“Wendy dear, it's time to be off,” my mother said quietly, I didn't even have to look at her to know how uncomfortable she was, they simply didn't understand. I sighed and collected the small metal thimble from the base of the stone.
“You've had it for two days now so I'll be taking it with me tonight, that's only fair right? We did promise to trade it whenever our paths should cross.” I placed a gentle kiss on the headstone before standing and brushing myself off. “Goodbye my sweet savior... when next I visit I hope to bring you a wonderful gift...” I whispered, smiling as a gentle breeze took up to caress my tear stained cheek.
--
“Wendy, I was wondering if I might... what the devil are you wearing?!” John asked incredulously, taking in the torn and soiled clothes I was currently garbed in. I stormed over and pulled him into the room and shut the door behind him.
“You must promise me now, John, on your love for me as siblings that you will not tell mother and father what you have seen!” I shouted, clutching him about the shoulders. I hated myself for the fear I saw in his eyes but I had no choice. I knew I'd push myself into madness if I went any longer without acting. After a time, his eyes softened.
“This is about that girl that got killed, isn't it?” he asked somberly. I nodded, tears burning in my eyes. “What mother and father say isn't true then, she really did save you like you say?” I nodded again, pulling him into an embrace.
“The ones who killed her are still out there and I cannot stand the thought of them being free after what they've done!”
“But Wendy...” I pulled away and pressed a finger to his lips.
“Don't worry, I'm not going to confront them directly, I just need to find them and then phone the police. Now, do you swear not to tell mother and father?” The boy considered it for a moment and then nodded. “Oh thank you, John,” I whispered, kissing him on the forehead before pulling away. “Tell me, how do I look?” He looked me slowly up and down while rubbing his chin.
“The clothes look right and filthy but you're all prim and proper,” he said, pointing at the mirror on my desk. I gave myself a quick inspection and noted the cleanliness of my face and hands really didn't match the clothes. With some trepidation I scooped some dirt from a potted plant and rubbed a bit of it on my cheeks and hands before turning to face him once more. “Better?”
“Hm, maybe... I've got it! I'll be but a moment!” he shouted, slipping out the door to run off down the hall. A trickle of fear that he might be running to fetch mother wormed it's way down my spine but was forgotten when he returned, holding the old page boys cap he'd worn as a paperboy. “To cover your hair,” he said, slipping it over my head and helping me tuck my hair in. The effect, I noticed after turning to look myself over, was astounding. I was virtually unrecognizable.
“Oh thank you so much, John! It's perfect!” I shouted, swooping down to kiss his cheek which he wiped away with mock irritation. I made my way over to the window and prepared myself for the climb down the trellis.
“Wendy...” I turned to see him wringing his hands nervously.
“Yes?”
“You fancied this girl... didn't you?” I smiled.
“Yes, yes I do...” I said before swinging out onto the woodwork and making my way to the ground.
--
The walk to the local soup kitchen was short but it was an experience I would not soon forget. The way people avoided me or cast foul looks simply because of the way I was dressed, it was like stepping into another world. You must of have been so lonely... Deep down I felt a bit of warmth in my heart for having done this. In a way it felt like I had drawn closer to her, even if just a little...
--
Despair set in the instant I stepped through the doors, nearly fifty people sat at the tables or waited in line for their serving. In my mind it had been the simple matter of walking in and pointing out the vile creatures that had taken Petra from this world. The thought that they might not even be here today, or may have left the city entirely was almost crushing. The idea that I might be letting her down by giving her murderers the justice they deserved began eating away at the courage I had gathered. The choice to flee was taken from me, however, when someone shoved me forward from behind.
“Move along there, some of us is wanting to eat,” a grizzled old man muttered as he shouldered past me to stand in line.
Swallowing hard, I took my own place behind him, casting my eyes at the gathered crowd in hopes of sighting my targets. I was practically trembling as the line continued to shorten and before I knew it I was collecting my own filthy bowl and waiting not three people back from receiving my ladle of soup. When it was my turn the man serving it set the ladle down and looked at me crossly.
“Now what's a young one like you doin' here?”
“Excuse me?” I asked nervously.
“It's not safe you being out so young, lost one your age not long ago.” My stomach tightened. “Murdered on a busy street and not a lick of care put into finding the one who done it. Is that what ye want for yerself?” I had to grit my teeth from shouting out that I was doing just that. “For the good of your soul, drag yerself home and forget this nonsense.” I took a deep breath to steady myself.
“I don't have a home.” The man's eyes softened a bit.
“If you like I could call someone that could maybe help you out, find a warm place for you to sleep?” he asked. Before I could answer the person behind me nudged me in the ribs.
“Don't listen to the lies, kid. He'll just call the police and make 'em send you home or lock you up.”
“Bah, shut it you, I'm only doin' what's best.” An idea struck me.
“I'll think about it... but I'd like to eat first, if that's okay?” I asked, hoping with all my heart he'd go along. A surge of elation flowed through me as the man nodded and filled my bowel with soup.
“Good on you! I'll be here when you finish.”
I thanked the man and turned to look for a seat, finding one a few rows in on the opposite side of the line. I settled onto the bench and grimaced at the greasy cabbage soup in front of me before casting a quick look around to see the others devouring it happily. I made a note to ask father to donate some money to this place when I returned home, it was cruel that this be their only source for a warm meal. I mimed eating a few spoonfuls as my eyes darted from face to face in search of the two that I sought. As the minutes drew on my hope was dwindling and I began chastising myself for being so foolhardy. It was right as I was about to leave that I heard a voice I would never, ever, forget.
“What say we do a lil'... shopping after the meal, eh Roger?” I turned around slowly to see the backs of two men seated on the bench behind me. My heart was threatening to beat itself free of my chest as my mind warred with the possibility that I might be wrong. The taller one turned then and there could be no mistaking the scarred cheek and piercing blue eye of the man that had attacked me... the man I know stole Petra's life. I stood, barely resisting the urge to leap on him and claw his eyes from his face, and made way up to the man serving the soup.
“Ah, ready for me to phone the...” the man began but paused upon seeing me trembling with barely concealed hatred, hands balled into fists.
“Petra... the girl that was murdered... her name was Petra.”
“Ai, it was, but how do you...”
“The men... those monsters that murdered her are sitting right over there. Please... for the sake of that sweet girl that deserved so much better then what she had... phone the police and tell them to hurry.” The man opened his mouth as if to speak but stopped short upon seeing the iron hard look I was giving him. He closed his mouth, nodded, and stepped into a back room. I leaned forward and gripped the counter so hard my knuckles were white, praying they would arrive in time.
--
“What's your name, lad?” the lead officer asked me, confusing me for a moment until I remember how I must look. I thanked my lucky stars that it was the same officer that had questioned me before.
“Wendy Darling.” The man squinted in disbelief. “You questioned me before... about the girl that was murdered near my father's estate.” The man peered at me closely for a moment before his eyes widened in shock.
“By the saints, what are you doing here, girl?! I doubt George Darling would allow his only daughter to go...”
“I found them!” I interrupted. “None of you believed me but I found them! The ones that murdered her, they're here, right over here! Just like I told you before, a man with bright blue eyes with a scar under his right one with a short fat man who's missing a piece of his left ear! You have to arrest them!” The man gave me a long hard look before nodding.
“If this turns out to be a prank...”
“It's not, I swear! They're sitting right there at the far table!” The officer nodded at two of his fellows and stepped into the main area.
“We're conducting a search! Anyone caught trying to leave will be arrested immediately, is that understood?!” The room was silent but for the clicking of their boots as I followed along behind them to the table where the two of them sat. “You two fit the description of suspects in an attempted robbery and a murder investigation. You'll need to follow me to answer some questions.” A rush of nervous excitement rushed through my body, it was really happening, I'd done it.
“That's them... I'll never forget those faces for as long as I live!”
“What's this little pisser on about?” the taller of the two muttered, I never seen this kid in me life.” I glared daggers into the man.
“Check his left arm, there'll be a scar on his forearm from where she slashed him.” The man's eyes narrowed as his sleeve was pulled up to reveal a thick scar right where I'd said it to be.
“Search them at once!” the officer ordered.
“This is rubbish, I got this diggin' through the bins at...”
“This one has a knife!” one of the searching officers announced, my heart fell at the sight of it.
“You stole it from her!” I shrieked, barely restraining the urge to hurl myself at him. The man sneered.
“I've had that knife for years, this little git's off the rocker!”
“There's something carved into the stock, looks like... P.P.” Trembling, I reached up and removed the cap, letting my hair fall free around my shoulders. The man let out a growl, recognition filling his eyes.
“You little bitch! Should have slashed you up when I had the chance!” he roared, throwing off the officer holding him and lunging at me. All my hatred and nervous excitement combined together in a surge of adrenaline I used to kick him as hard as I could between his legs. He let out a gurgle and toppled over clutching himself.
“Her name was Petra Pan... and she was a thousand times more deserving of life then shit like you!” I shouted, spitting on his face before turning away, never wanting to lay eyes on the man again... not even to see him hang.
--
Nearly everything had settled down in the days following the arrest. Mother and father had greeted me with a mixture of apology and chastisement, sorry for the way they had treated me yet disappointed that I would take such a risk. The police had also apologized for not believing me, and after the trial they'd even let me take home Petra's knife after being informed of how I'd cared for her resting place. In the end the only thing that hadn't sorted itself out were my feelings. The sense of guilt and shame at being the cause of her death still ate away at my conscious. As the weeks went on it was becoming unbearable, the sweet and happy dreams I had of her only adding to my despair...
--
“You'd think me strange, wouldn't you?” I asked to the knife in my hand. “Being so distraught over a girl I'd known but an hour... but I cannot help the way that I feel. You changed me that night... showed me the emptiness that I did not know had laid claim to my heart and continue to fill that lonely pit in my dreams. If only I could but understand why I still think of you every moment whether I wake or sleep. I thought my guilt would leave after I found them... after I made them pay for what they did to you... but my longing has grown only stronger! Were we fated to be together only to have it torn asunder and left to dangle? Are you still out there somewhere wishing as much as I to be at your side... or to fly together hand and hand through the sky? Or am I just a silly girl who cannot let go of a fleeting hint of romance?” I sighed and laid the knife on my dresser so I could ready myself for bed, pausing upon noticing a bitter chill had crept through the room.
“If you do not wish to remain in this world...” a man's voice whispered slowly, “I would delight in removing you from it.” The hair on the nape of my neck rose on end as my eyes darted between the bolted door and the locked window, finding both of them undisturbed. Trembling with a fear so deep it sucked the air from my lungs I turned slowly to face a cloaked and hooded figure standing at the foot of my bed...