MandyGirl: This is an important message from Yuuichi Tate (me rolling my eyes...)
Tate: This is Yuuichi Tate speaking and I got something important to say so please listen to what I have to say. As I was reading some of the Mai Hime stories that some of you people posted I was really disturbed as to how you portray me. In some of those stories you portrayed me as a fool, a buffoon, or a clown, sometimes all of them at once! In other stories you portrayed me as an insecure momma's boy that doesn't have a backbone. In fact in one story I read you portrayed me as a miserable drunk who beats up Mai. I mean what's up with that? You give me no love whatsoever!
All the things that you have written about me are not true. Yes I can be quite a funny guy but you're supposed to laugh WITH me not AT me! Plus I had my serious moment in the anime so don't forget about that. Also, you have never seen me lay a hand on Mai but then again you have never seen me kiss Mai either. Hmmm, there's something wrong there, I'll have to talk to Ohara-sama (the director of Mai HiME) about that. It's not like I'm still on first base with her, on the contrary I've hit many home runs... Anyways what really bothers me is that in these stories you have Mai leaving me for Mikoto. In most of those stories you make it sound as if Mai always had feelings for Mikoto but she was either too dumb to recognize it or in denial about it, and how you come up with the reasoning and logic behind them is a joke.
Why I find those stories hard to believe is because Mai is 100% straight. She would never give Mikoto the time of day. I mean look how socially awkward Mikoto is! What can Mikoto offer to Mai? Nothing! All she does is eat her food and grope her breast. She's not intelligent and she doesn't even have a body. Yeah she protects her from time to time but Mai is no damsel in distress, she can protect herself pretty well and she can kick some serious ass. Trust me I know that one very well... (Sweat starts to form on his head) umm because I've seen her done it to other people, yeah! She would never try to fight me because she knows what's up. She knows that I'm the dominant one in the relationship because... (His face starts to turn red from his constant lying.) Anyways back to the subject, you can fantasize about her and Mikoto getting nasty in the bed all you want but face it girls she will never bat for the other team.
You know what, fuck this bullshit! I'm sick and tired of being nice to y'all mutha fuckaz. Let me tell you the straight up truth, the reason why y'all writing these bullshit stories about me is because y'all nothing but a bunch of haters! Don't be hatin' cuz' my macking skills are on point. Y'all can't handle the fact that my pimping skills are like that! T-A-T-E is just another way of saying P-I-M-P. Man I'm so much of a pimp Snoop Dog comes to me for advice, fashizzle. The truth is bitches can't get enough of me cuz' I got all my shit hooked up, my clothes, my physique, my looks, and of course my hair. Speaking of my hair I'm sick and tired of y'all dissin' my hairstyle, y'all don't know this but girls be sweatin' this in Japan. Let me also remind y'all that Mai is hooked on me like crack! Sheeeeeet, she just can't enough of me cuz' I satisfy her right! And let's face it, the biggest reason why Mai is with me and not with Mikoto is because I got the "tool" to satisfy her, after all I'm the mack daddy of Fuuka Academy!
Mai: More like whack daddy to me!
MandyGirl: (Speaks to the readers) little did he know that Mai and Mikoto were behind him listening to his bullshit all that time. Mai's face had a furious fiery red that was close to matching her hair color. Mikoto wasn't please as well since she wasn't as dense as Tate made her out to be. As he turned his head around and looked at Mai's furious face sweat began to drip from his forehead as his face carried a shocked look.
Tate: M-Mai? H-Hey baby what's up?
Mai: Don't "hey baby" me you dickhead! Me and Mikoto heard all the bullshit that came out of your mouth.
Mikoto: I don't like what you said about me. I am not stupid! When Mai is angry I am angry.
Tate: (Heavily sweating and shaking nervously) look I was just kidding the whole time I was talking, yeah hehe. They were nothing but jokes. Don't take it seriously Mai. Please Mai, please!
Mai: (With a dead serious look on her face) all my friends told me that I could do better than you, they told me that you were full of shit and that you had other girls behind my back. Even my conscious was telling me you were no good for me. Mikoto sweetie what do you think?
Mikoto: I think he was never good to Mai and that he could never love Mai like I can.
Mai: I totally agree Mikoto.
Tate: Sw-sw-sweetie?
Mai: Oh I forgot to tell you, while you were busy being the "mack daddy" and all I was keeping myself busy as well. I've switched to the other team and I love it (a huge grin appears on her face). Me and Mikoto have been together for more than a month now and when it comes to "satisfaction" at least I don't have to fake it for her!
Tate: No! That's a God damn lie! No way could she ever be better than me in bed! You better quit lying to me girl or else I'll teach you a lesson.
Mai: (Laughing manically) Haha, that's real funny Tate. You're gonna teach me a lesson? Hmph, I don't think so buddy. (Grins evilly) Mikoto sweetie hand me the bat! This prick's going to get the beating of his life!
Mikoto: Okay Mai! (Happily hands over baseball bat).
Tate: (Has a terrified look on his face while walking backwards as Mai slowly approaches to him with her bat) look Mai can we talk about this? I'll make it up to you, I'll wash the dishes, I'll remember to leave the toilet seat down, I'll watch those chick flicks you like to watch with you, I'll paint your toenails for you, I'll even watch Oprah and The View with you, I'll...
MandyGirl: (Speaks to the readers again) however Mai didn't want to hear anymore of his bullshit so Mai let out a loud maniac scream and started to charge at him. Tate screamed like a little girl and then immediately ran like the punk he was. Mai was on his tail with her bat as well as Mikoto with her sword.
Tate: AAAAHHHHHH!!! Help me please! Anybody please save me! Mandy please save me!
MandyGirl: Go save yourself you dickhead punk! Anyways this has been an important message from Yuuichi Tate.
Mai: (While still chasing after Tate) Kagutsuchi, scorch that prick's ass and aim right at his pants!