Memoria
Alisha tumbled back in zero gravity, enjoying the feeling of floating in the spaceship’s cabin. Even though they had been in space for several years, it never got old to her. It was ship’s night, and the rest of the crew were sleeping, but Alisha felt awake and alert.
She saw the logo of the United States Alliance, her government, displayed on the computer’s screensaver, and inwardly sighed. Soon, their mission would be over and she would have to return to Earth. She hoped that in the years she had been away that some things had changed, but she supposed a repressive regime such as the one that had taken over Earth would not subside so easily. Perhaps she could take another space mission, since the Alliance was eager to find new worlds to suck the resources from, but this mission had been a failure and she did not know if they would fund another.
So, it would be back to the grimy streets of New York for her, hoping she didn’t have to return to the military to fight one of the many wars the Alliance was involved in. Perhaps she would finally settle down, find a husband, stop drifting through life -- or start drifting some more. She didn’t truly know what she wanted to do with her life, that’s why she had joined the Space Corps, for adventure that had turned out to be a boring routine of scanning planets for minerals. But at least there was zero-gravity, and as she did a backflip in midair, she realized that never got old.
As she lost herself in her reverie while floating, she never noticed the alien craft on the sensors, or heard the low humming sound as it glided beside the ship. She was completely unaware until a glowing light appeared in front of her on the bridge. As she fumbled for balance to investigate, the light took a humanoid shape and finally disappeared, leaving the most beautiful being Alisha had ever seen in her life standing before her, grounded to the spot, not affected by the lack of gravity. She -- at least Alisha could only define such a beautiful, curved being as female -- was tall and slender, with a bluish hue and silver hair that tumbled to her waist, and generous curves. There were ridges in her face, but they only served to make her seem more elegant, and her eyes looked as though they had been carved from sapphires, with large blue irises that looked straight at Alisha. She was dressed in leather - or whatever equivalent these aliens had - but it was designed for appearance, with designs carved and carefully crafted into it.
“I...” Alisha wanted to speak, but her mind was at once crowded with questions and devoid of all thoughts.
The alien spoke, but Alisha only heard song so beautiful that tears came to her eyes. She dabbed at her eyes, not knowing how she could be affected in such a manner so easily. The alien took a step towards her, and she did not step back, did not hide. She knew somehow with all certainty she had nothing to fear from this being, and so she let her - as she was relatively sure of her gender - touch her face. Her gentle fingers traced every inch of Alisha’s face, and Alisha felt comforted and moved like she had never felt in her entire life. She let herself surrender into the woman’s embrace, and felt no shock at all when she felt their lips coming close. They kissed, and Alisha saw and knew everything in a heartbeat - that this race was called Landari, that they had a home world not too far away, that they were a young race, looking to meet other races and learn from them, that they were peaceful and dedicated to knowledge, that love was the thing they held in highest regard, their only religion, and that all forms of it were celebrated on Landari.
“I wish... I wish I could show you my home world...” Alisha said, “You would know to stay away from it. It is an ugly place.”
“I am sure that is not true,” the alien said, speaking her language now (or perhaps, Alisha realized, she now understood the Landari language) “A world with such a beautiful being as yourself must be a magnificent place.”
“I am far from beautiful,” Alisha said, “But you... what is your name?”
“Valeria,” the alien said, “What is the name given to you?”
“Alisha,” Alisha said.
“Beautiful,” Valeria said, “I must confess, I am captivated by you, but my job is to spread the knowledge of Landari to as many races as possible, to extend the invitation to your leaders to contact our home world. It is not my job to visit home worlds, or to bring back travelers such as yourself... I am forbidden to interfere with your mission beyond imparting this specific knowledge to you... no matter what attraction I may feel.”
Alisha wanted to ask how Valeria could feel anything for somebody she had just met, but then, how could she explain her own feelings? Were their two races truly that magnetically attracted, or was it just two individuals, finding something unique in each other?
“Don’t go,” Alisha said, “There is so much more I want to learn... About you, about the Landari...”
“You have all the information you need,” Valeria said, “It may take you a while to process all the information you have, but you know all I can tell you.”
“Once you go, I may never see you again...” Alisha said, “Please, take me with you! I don’t want to go back to my planet... How can I, after seeing such beauty?”
“I cannot take you with me,” Valeria said, “but I can take you back to my ship for a little while. Embrace me, and we will transport aboard.”
Alisha rested her head on Valeria’s chest and held her tightly as the light embraced them, and she knew she had never felt so much at peace before. Her life had been filled with pain, fear and hopelessness, and now she was in the arms of a being who almost seemed to be the very essence of warmth, love and beauty.
As they re-materialized, Alisha looked around her in awe. Plants grew up the walls of the ship, sprouting beautiful flowers that gave the air a pleasant smell. In stark contrast to the utilitarian ugliness of her ship, Valeria’s ship was beautiful, calm, a soothing environment. Alisha saw a Landarian male pass by, and while he was handsome in his own way, none of the Landarians she saw on the ship seemed to compare to Valeria.
Valeria led her to her quarters, which seemed almost like a dream. A window was open over a false environment, and light was flowing in. A synthesized breeze made the curtains move slightly, and the hangings on the luxurious four-poster bed rustle. She somehow knew how all this worked, and realized the knowledge that Valeria had given her was revealing itself every time she had a question.
“I... am embarrassed,” Valeria said, “Among my people, love is valued above all else. Yet here I stand, desiring the most intimate acts with somebody I barely know.”
“I understand how you feel,” Alisha said, “On my planet, love and sex with members of the same gender is forbidden by law. For a while, we had rights, but when the Alliance came into being, it was all stripped away. I... knew I was attracted to members of both the same and opposite sex, but I settled with neither, never knowing if I would find happiness not knowing what was on the other side of that divide...”
“May I ask something of you?” Valeria asked, “You must refuse if you find it to be at all offensive.”
“Go ahead,” Alisha said.
“I want to know you,” Valeria said, “We of the Landari are telepaths, but we forbid reading others’ minds’ without their consent. I was able to give you information, but I could not read. Will you let me see you, read your mind?”
Alisha stood there for a second, uncertain, but then she realized: what did she have to hide from this woman? She had already revealed her deepest secret, and perhaps it would help to warn the Landari away from Earth, which would surely rape and destroy such a magnificent race.
“Go ahead,” Alisha said, “See for yourself who I am and who my people are. I think it’s important that you understand.”
Valeria put her hand to her face, and leaned in to kiss her, “Are you sure?” she whispered.
“Yes,” Alisha said, “Please, Valeria.”
Valeria kissed her and then pulled away, and stepped back, thinking out loud, “You were born in a city called New York... You have never found your purpose in life... Your government oppresses you, but controls most of the world and is considered invincible...”
“That’s why you must stay away from our world,” Alisha said, “If my people find out about your people, they will destroy you. We are not beautiful like you. Humans are ugly beings sometimes. We kill each other, torture, steal, wage war...”
“You have love, though,” Valeria said, “All people are redeemable through love.”
“I wish that were true...!” Alisha said, “But sometimes I fear... that love is not enough to save us.”
“You’ve wandered in darkness for so long,” Valeria said, “Seeking purpose in a world that did not want or love you, yet you wanted to be loved, so much. I can feel that yearning almost as if it were my own, and I want to fulfill that desire to be loved, because you are loved... I feel such warmth in my heart for you, knowing you as I now do.”
Alisha felt tears welling up in her eyes, and Valeria came to her, gently wiping the tears away. They kissed fervently, filled with passion and love for one another, even as they explored the lifetimes of facts that had been dumped into their minds. Alisha saw a field of flowers from Valeria’s memories, a place that she had shown Alisha as typical of the Landarian home world. She wanted to go to that place with Valeria, but here was good enough, here was more than good as she felt Valeria’s lips exploring her body. Their hands roved, removing clothing from each other and letting it fall into a heap on the floor.
Alisha let the world slip away as she let herself enjoy the greatest moment of her life. Never had she felt so close to anybody, so loved and worshipped, and she had never wanted to give love to another so fervently. She enjoyed every moan that Valeria elicited as she explored her body, which was at once alien and familiar. Valeria was much like any human female, except for the blue-ish hue of her skin, and Alisha let herself express every repressed desire she had to touch another woman.
Afterwards, they lay together on Valeria’s bed, curled up in one another’s arms. Alisha stroked Valeria’s silver hair, and Valeria rested her head on Alisha’s chest, listening to her heart beat.
“What do we do now?” Alisha asked, “Please tell me I can stay here. I don’t want to be parted from you.”
“I can’t allow you to stay,” Valeria said, tears welling up in her eyes, “You are the only one on your ship who was open to telepathic communication... the only one I could impart my message to. You must take that invitation back to your people.”
“Didn’t you see for yourself? My people are ruin to yours! I can never give them that information, or they will destroy your beautiful world, rape your people... I can’t let that happen!” Alisha cried, “I want to spend my life with you, Valeria.”
“Then I will ask the commander if I can take you with me... if we can be married if you so wish. His rule is absolute though, Alisha. I cannot disobey him, or I will be on my own, and we cannot survive in this empty space alone. There are no planets within light years that we could run to, only yours, and I sense you do not wish to return.”
Alisha only sighed and dressed, “Please, let us find out. I have to know if I can stay.”
They went to the commander’s office, and Valeria went in first. Alisha felt her gut filling with fear as time went by.
Finally, Valeria emerged from the office, “He will see you now,” she said, but her face was grim.
“Alisha,” the commander said, “It is admirable that your heart is so filled with love, and that’s why we need your race so much, no matter what its current status is. We need trade with people who can understand us, and knowledge from those who have experienced love, even if only in the past and not the present. Also, there is always hope for redemption, Alisha. Your people need you and your heart to guide them towards the future. I cannot allow you to stay here, no matter how noble your love for Valeria is.”
“You don’t understand!” Alisha cried, “I love Valeria! I want to be with her, I want to see your world. How can I return to mine knowing I have seen perfection but can never again experience that feeling? That I have been surrounded by love but must again endure being surrounded by hate? That I have learned to acknowledge myself, only to have to hide once again, to evade torture and destruction? I beg for asylum, Commander! My people may know love, but many have twisted and abused it and to use love as a weapon against people is the most egregious offense one can commit against another being!”
“I cannot allow it,” The commander looked firm, “It pains me to break you two apart, but I have no other choice. Valeria could come with you if you wished it, however...”
“No,” Alisha was firm, “Do you know what they would do to her? They would cut her into pieces for experiments! If I cannot be with her, then fine, but promise me you will not let her follow me. If I cannot hold her in my arms, then let me return to Earth at least knowing she is safe. Promise me, Commander!”
“I will look after her,” the Commander said, “She is my daughter, after all... This is a sad state of affairs, Alisha. Go back to your Earth before any more hurt is caused.”
Alisha nodded, “Can you return me to my ship? I cannot say goodbye, for I would not have the will to do what I must. I must go now, so she cannot sneak on board my ship.”
“Good luck, Alisha,” the Commander said, “You have a noble spirit. I believe your people are good, deep down. Extend our invitation to them.”
He raised his hands and Alisha felt light enveloping her. When she emerged, she was on her ship, surrounded by accusing faces. She saw Valeria’s ship disappear in a flash before her crew rounded on her and placed her under arrest.
~
“Tell us about the alien ship!” A fist crashed into her face and blood spilled out into the air, floating away in droplets.
“Don’t do that, her blood is a biohazard!” one of the other crew members said, “We don’t know what she was exposed to on that ship.”
“We make for Earth, anyway,” the man said, “It’ll be years before we get back. Let’s hope she talks before then.”
~
In her solitude, locked in a room alone for months at a time, Alisha had plenty of time to process all the information that Valeria had given her. She spent most of her time remembering all the wonders that she had been shown, trying to recapture the feelings she had experienced in her short time with Valeria. Sometimes she cried for her loss,her tears floating in tiny droplets across the room, and wondered what Valeria was doing now. Had she found love again, or was she wandering the universe, wondering what had happened to the woman she loved? Alisha only hoped Valeria knew that she loved her, and that her exit had only been to save both of them some pain.
Sometimes, she dreamed, and they were bittersweet dreams, of marriage to Valeria and life on the Landari home world. She would wake to find the reality of a boot in her face, but she never talked. She would never tell them about the Landari if she lived for a thousand years, would never let them crush such a beautiful and innocent race, or hurt her beloved Valeria. They could kill her and she was fine with that, so long as they couldn’t touch the Landari.
The years were long, but eventually they reached Earth. Alisha knew that she was only sane because of Valeria, but she didn’t know if that was a blessing or a curse. She was transferred to a military cell with no lighting, and was interrogated three or four times daily.
“Then we’ll have to use the serum,” she heard one of the guards say out in the hallway one day.
“It’ll destroy her mind! We’ll get scraps of the truth, but lose the greater picture. We know that she met an alien race on board that ship, and we need to know their location. It will undoubtedly be filled with natural resources if it can sustain an alien race. We can’t afford to lose that information!”
“We can get that one piece of data with ninety-nine percent accuracy,” a voice chimed in, “We won’t get other details about the race, but we can learn once we have the location. Any other ideas?”
“Let’s try one more thing,” another voice said, “We’ve tried the stick but not the carrot. Let’s set her free for a while, show her how nice we can be if she cooperates. If that doesn’t work, then we’ll use the serum. I’d rather know what we’re up against before we go on a mission. They might turn out to be heavily armed.”
Alisha found herself transferred to a luxury apartment in lower Manhattan, with every convenience at her disposal. Looking out over the city, she felt a deep sorrow fill her heart as she understood the choices now facing her. She could cooperate, and save herself at the cost of Valeria and the Landari, or she could have the truth taken by force. At least the second option would destroy her mind so she would not have to face the guilt, but either way, Valeria and the Landari were doomed.
She felt tears come to her eyes as she thought of Valeria and her dreams of their life together. Rage filled her, every cell in her body rebelling at the idea of giving the information to the government. There had to be another way...
Then she remembered. As a child she had been on the streets of New York, and for a while she had made a living by selling drugs, a dangerous occupation in a heavily controlled society. One such drug which had been popular at the time was one that gave you the ultimate high, but made you lose your memories. Some took it for the high, some to erase their former lives, some to evade the police and the things they had done, or simply to erase who they were, so they could start over and try to be a better citizen, try to better fit into the mold they were forced into.
It was a huge price to pay... to lose the one thing that had kept her sane for all these years, to lose the sweet memory of Valeria and their love for each other. It would be as though they had never met, as though that flame had never been ignited within her. She would lose her love, lose her reason for living... but she would save the one she loved and the beautiful Landari race, and that was more important then her own feelings and memories.
She knew if she was to do it, she had to do it fast, before they realized the incentives were not working and they decided to use the serum... if it existed. She knew there was a possibility that it wasn’t even real, that it was a ploy to have her overhear the conversation and persuade her to tell, but she couldn’t take that risk. She had to protect Valeria, no matter the cost.
Leaving the apartment, she knew cameras and bugs were all over her, watching from every corner, recording every word she spoke, so she could not even mutter to herself. She had taken grocery bags, as though she was going to shop, and the hard cash in her pocket burned a hole. She hoped it would be enough to buy what she needed.
Walking calmly, she made a beeline for a grocery store before veering off into an alley she had once frequented. She knew that as soon as she entered this place, the authorities would be alerted and her plan exposed, so she acted fast, entering the first hovel she came across.
“I need some X,” she said to the first punk she saw. She pulled out a chunk of cash, “I’m willing to pay, but I need it now, and as pure as possible.”
“You want X right now? Are you crazy? That stuff’s super rare these days!” He kicked the dirt below his feet, then called up the stairs, “Yo, Andy, bring down the last X! We got good money for this one!”
“We ‘aint sellin’ that shit!” a voice rang back, “Go to hell! That’s my getaway ticket when this shit gets too bad!”
“Oh hell yeah we are! There’s 4k at least here! I’ll take any risk for that! I’m the boss, so bring it down here now!”
The man called Andy came out of the top room and jumped over the banister, down the steps, which crunched and cracked below him,”Piece of shit house,” he muttered, “It better not be a setup, lady,” he said, throwing her the bag and taking the money. He scuttled away like a roach up the stairs.
Alisha ran with the bag, wanting to get away before the cops arrived, to think about it for one more moment, to revisit her sweet memories one more time, but then she heard the buzz of a police chopper and the sound of cars approaching and realized they were already there, probably had her surrounded. There was no time for thought or reminiscence.
She found a flat surface and snorted the contents of the bag as fast as she could. She felt a nosebleed coming on, but she didn’t care. She just had to hold them off until it had an effect, then it would be too late for them...
She said goodbye to Valeria, and then the tranquilizer dart hit her in the neck, and she went down.
~
Time flies, they say, and for Alisha it certainly had. It had been three years since the car accident that had taken her memory away so badly she didn’t even remember it, but that wasn’t surprising. The doctors had said the brain injury had been so bad that she had had almost total memory loss, and had needed to relearn her alphabet. She had gotten a job in a factory, and spent her life doing mundane things.
There were times when she wondered if there might be some greater purpose in her life, but if there was, it certainly had not come her way. She left those kind of things for dreams. Her life was boring and devoted to being a good citizen, but she often had wild and beautiful dreams in which she met a woman beyond all her wildest dreams, and they made love. She would wake from these dreams feeling aroused, but would quickly feel embarrassed. Homosexuality was a sin, after all. But she did like the nice, warm, fuzzy feeling that those dreams left her with, that feeling of giving kindness and receiving it, of wishing for another’s safety above one’s own, of sharing something intimate and wonderful.
She supposed that was what love was, but she had never been in love, and never would be, she supposed. She was just an ordinary worker, after all. Perhaps she should find a man and settle down, start a family... Wasn’t that the greatest ideal to adhere to, to have a family, to keep the world strong?
Alisha thought there might be something more for a second, as she felt a spark of emotion rise up in her. Then the thought was gone and she dressed for work, thinking of all the things that she would do today.
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