I couldn’t believe it. It couldn’t be happening. Four years with someone and they just break your heart for no reason! This couldn’t be real, no way. My life was totally, completely, and utterly over
It happened about forty-six hours ago. My girlfriend broke up with me. We were happy, nothing was wrong. Except clearly something was. I felt messed up and broken. Aren’t girls supposed catch on to that sort of thing? I thought hard about what I could have done. I wandered endlessly through the lost corridors of my memories. Moment after moment of what I had shared with her. Every eternal second of ecstasy. All the times of anger, and confusion. I couldn’t find anything. Any logical explanation was either lost or hiding from me like a child seeking shelter from an imaginary monster. I wished more than anything I could talk to the memory of what I had done wrong. Ask it to show itself and come out of hiding.
I sat motionless in my bed, my position the same in my mind as in my body in the place where I sat, unmoving. Empty, defenseless, and naked. I was unaware of the time. It meant nothing to me. I was oblivious of the fact that my best friend Andy was knocking on the door of my apartment. Nothing mattered. Without her, my life was like my mind, blank. I paid no attention to my friends standing in front of me.
"Jesse, Jesse hello? Anybody there," I could hear my friends attempted shouting at waking me from my stupor. My best-friend Andy in particular was very loud.
"Jesse, sweetie, you gotta tell us whats wrong. Baby, wake up!" I felt a hard slap against my leg. It wouldn’t have hurt so much had the blow not hit my bare flesh. I was like an open book to be read, or in this case slapped. I let out a grunt of a combination of pain and acknowledgement.
"She’s alive," my friend Gabe yelled sarcastically from the small group in front of my bed.
" We almost really did think something had happened to you, you’ve never been completely out of contact for two days. What happened?" My eyes had been closed for so long, it was time to open them. As I did so I saw my friends; Gabe, Andy, Dani, and Teri all in front of me.
"Shut up Gabe, of course I’m alive." I answered in a tone of the utmost annoyance.
"Jesse, honey, whats so wrong to keep you in a daze like that? It can’t- not- oh I'm so sorry!" Andy flung her arms around me. My other friends caught onto what had happened in the following seconds. I couldn’t take anymore. Before I knew it I was sobbing the hardest I ever had in my life. It felt good to cry, especially with my friends crying along for me. After a few minutes of dramatic crying and hugging, I realized I was shivering.
"Damn, you guys are really fucking cold!" I yelled in their ears. They quickly got off the bed and rushed around my dirty room, looking for blankets.
" Your room really is a mess! I can’t move unless I step on some clothes or something." Andy noticed while searching for something to cover me up with.
"Yeah, well, you know me. Enough time on my own and in one place equals trash everywhere." As I spoke these words I realized two things. One, that my room really was a total mess. Two, I desperately was in need of a shower. Sitting in a bed for almost two days was enough to make any woman feel ripe.
"I’m gonna go take a shower." I announced and hurried off to the bathroom.
Feeling the hot water run down my back was beyond peaceful or calming. For me taking a shower was alwaysa cleansing ritual of sorts. But this was so much more. I felt like I was connected to a force that could not be touched or felt or heard. Something inside of me, telling me that it was alright. Suddenly, a cold washed over me. I had been in the shower for too long. I wanted the warm back. I needed it. For now it seemed the only keeping me alive. But it didn’t come back. Now a different force was telling me to move on. I didn’t want to move on. The child of my memories was hiding, I wanted to crawl up and hide too.
"Jesse! Are you alright in there? Do you want us to make you some food? You must be hungry." As she said this, I felt a sudden rush. I wasn't just hungry, I was starving. I needed to eat something fast. I dashed out of the bathroom in my towel. I was shaking with hunger, my towel slipped down my body, I didn't care, I was desperate for food.
"I need to eat something now!" I practically yelled to my friends.
"OK, we'll make you some food. What do you-" she needed to stop talking.
" I DON'T CARE JUST MAKE ME SOMETHING!!" now I was yelling, and very loud might I add.
"Have you been crying?" my friend Gabe asked.
"What? Oh, yeah, I guess I have." I felt tears wet my face. I pulled on my favorite pajama pants, a tank-top, and my big, furry, red robe.
After an eternity of waiting, a huge platter of golden toast, fluffy pancakes, a juicy apple, and yummy scrambled eggs was placed in front of me. My friend Dani had made me a feast. No one could cook like she could.
"Thanks, Dani. Thanks you everyone. Sorry I went a little crazy back there," I said, embarrassed. Murmurs of, "No, problem," and "it's okay" came from the quiet mouths of my friends. I couldn't wait any longer. I lunged for my food-covered plate. In minutes the feast Dani had prepared for me had vanished.
"Wow, you were hungry. I've never seen you eat like that." Gabe mumbled behind sheets of long, dark, brown hair.
" Well, I don't think you've ever seen me eat something after not eating for almost two days. I don't think I have seen me eating after not eating for two days, but only because I haven't not eaten for two days." I replied leaning back in my chair, eyes closed. The whole sentence really hadn't made any sense, and I wasn't the only one who had picked up on that fact.
"That's some very interesting logic, I always knew you were strange, my knowledge of your strangeness continues to grow every day," Andy commented from my left.
"What should we do now," she continued," We could talk or," I interrupted her string of suggestions with a glance that I knew terrified her and would have terrified any other person.
"Okay, no talking, got it. How about a movie and popcorn? Or maybe shopping?" on her last note she sounded a little too hopeful. I cruelly denied that hope. I didn't want her to be happy when I was miserable.
"I think some movies will be good. Yeah, yes to the movies, but no to the popcorn, not for me any way. I've just eaten enough to hold me over for a week or more." After these sentences, I didn't have the will to speak anymore.