Story: The Rattlesnake Rose has bloomed (chapter 5)

Authors: RattlesnakeRose

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Chapter 5

[Author's notes:

I've introduced several new things in this chapter.  Proper format, grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, word flow, plot, character emotion, and of course, as is important for a story in a shoujo-ai archive... some shoujo-ai potential!  (Since I'm so nice I also added in a throwback to the script format from the other chapters)

Due to the original author responding to my request that he be more mature in accepting criticism with this:

"no you're right i'm gonna be mature about it alright and just tell you the same goddamn thing i told everybody else if you think you can do better come up with a chapter for my story and PROVE IT! it's round robin which makes it open for anybody to post their chapter to my story so far nobody's taken my challenge yet which is leading me to believe you guys are nothing short of a bunch of COWARDS!who do nothing but talk the talk because you know you cant WALK THE DAMN WALK!"

I just felt I had to put him in his place by posting something better then what he'd done.  I'm not claiming it's a masterpiece (far from it, I barely even tried) as my knowledge of Rumble Roses consists of about ten minutes of looking at Wikipedia and another ten minutes on youtube watching videos of the girls in provacative situations ^_~ but I think it'll do. 

So without further ado, I present to you what I've wasted the last 30 or so minutes of my life on.

 

]

Chapter 5

--
Out with the old...
--


    “This isn't good...” Dez thought to himself as he hung upside down in midair.  A pair of metal arms then wrapped themselves firmly around his firmly around his waist.  “This is definitely not good!”  The sound of rocket boosters igniting filled his ears and he felt his stomach drop.  His last thought before the rocket propelled dive bomb collided with the cement floor, was that he didn't even get to use his Snakebite.  He felt the kiss of the locker room floor against his shoulders and everything went black.

--

    “You should feel lucky, boya.  If I'd wanted to kill you, you'd be dead,” a sultry Latin voice called out from the haze.  The man groggily tried to shake his head but found that he was entirely unable to do so.  “I see you're afraid but do not worry, you are not paralyzed although you would likely be if I had not been here to patch you up.  It's only a mild sedative to keep you from walking around, which in your condition... well, let's just say your future wouldn't be quite as pleasant as it may yet be.”

    “Why?” the man uttered, it had taken him all of his strength just to manage the one word.  It was all coming back to him now.  Dr. Anesthesia... no, Dr. Cutter had attacked him in the locker room with her cyborg as he was preparing for his match against Sgt. Clemets.

    “You represent something... unnatural in this tournament.  It is the ultimate contest of both strength and beauty and it was absolutely wonderful... until you showed up.  Strong though you may be, you are not beautiful.  I couldn't even use you as parts for Lady X Subsistance here,” the woman finished, followed by the sound of fingernails trailing across metal.

    “Get... revenge.”  His voice was met with cruel laughter.

    “Not for at least half a year, I may not have had her cripple you but you'll hardly be in fighting shape before then, if ever.”  He could here heels clicking away from him, followed closely by the metallic footfalls of the cyborg.  “Well, time is short and I have much to do.  Please lay back and relax while you forfeit the match... and your career.”  The sound of a door slamming, then silence.

     “It isn't fair!  It isn't right!  Rattlesnake Rose can't end like this!” he screamed within the confines of his mind as the first of many tears began to fall.

--

    “Oh, what's keeping that idiot!” the girl shouted to no one in particular, earning her several irritated glances that showed this wasn't the first of her outbursts.  Dizzy Shannon had never been a patient girl and her idiot brother was now five minutes late for the match.  His opponent, a rather buxom blonde in strips of clothing that somewhat resembled a policewoman's garb, was casually leaning against the ropes and not even trying to hide a rather large yawn.  “Oh, that's it!” she shouted, her patience officially running out.  Without a moments pause she leaped over the railing, landed lightly behind a security guard who was too busy ogling the blonde in the ring to notice, and skirted off down the entranceway towards the locker rooms.

    What she found upon arriving was certainly not what she had expected.  Indeed, the images of her brother laying broken on the locker room floor would haunt her sleep for many nights to come.  She threw her head back and screamed...

--

    The next ten minutes passed by in a blur of activity from girls she recognized as the other Roses, paramedics, then finally Mr. Regal himself who now stood shaking his head as her brother was lifted onto a stretcher.  She moved cautiously to his side, slipping her hand gently into his.  He stirred and opened his, taking her in with a glance before closing them again.

    “Diz... sorry.”  The sound of her normally proud brother so broken and defeated was too much for her to take.

    “No brother... you have nothing to apologize for.  Just tell me, who did this to you?”  She saw him cringe and feared she might be asking too much in his condition, but nevertheless he recounted what had happened.  Anger, pure seething anger erupted in the girl as she spun to grab Mr. Regal by his lapels.  “Don't you have any control over that woman?!”  The man only looked at her ashamedly and shook his head.  “I suppose you're not going to do anything about this you coward!”

    “I...”  she turned away from the man in disgust, clutching at the sides of the stretcher until her knuckles popped.

    “I swear to you brother, that bitch will NOT get away with this!”

    “Diz... don't... it's too...”  The girl simply smirked and flexed one arm, clapping her free hand to the bicep.

    “Don't bother telling me it's too dangerous because I've already made up my mind!” she shouted with a burst of pride before spinning on to face Mr. Regal once more.  “I'm taking up the mantle of Rattlesnake Rose in my brothers place!”  The man, although taken aback at first, gave her an appreciative once over.

    “Well you certainly look like a Rose,” he said, taking in the girls' well toned physic complete with pretty face and ample bosom.  “But can you fight?”  The girl simply smirked and thumbed at her brother behind her.

    “He's never beaten me once,” she said with such confidence shining in those piercing gray eyes that he couldn't even begin to doubt her words.

    “Well, it's a little unorthodox... but that's just my style.  You're in!”

    “Diz, I don't...”

    “I already told you I've made up my mind,” the girl said, stepping over to her brothers locker and pulling out a spare uniform.  It wouldn't fit perfectly but it would have to do for today.  Tossing it onto the bench she made her way to her brothers side one last time before he was to be taken away.  “I'm going to take care of this.”  He opened his eyes and could see the steel in them.

    “Thank you.”  And then he was gone.

    “Alright, everybody out!  I've got a match to prepare for!”

--
In with the new...
--


    Confident as she was in her abilities it was a whole other ballgame as she stood just inside the entrance awaiting her cue.  She tried and failed miserably to quiet the butterflies in her stomach but it was just too much to handle.

     “What the hell am I doing here!” she thought miserably.  “It had sounded so good in my head but I'm not ready for..” her thoughts were cut off by a voice booming through the loud speakers.

Announcer 1:  “Ladies and gentlemen we have been informed that there are some special circumstances regarding this final match.  Details are scarce but I've been told you won't be left in the dark for long!”

Announcer 2:  “Regal must be up to his old tricks again which means there's no telling what to expect.  I say we cut this chatter and get this show on the road!”  The sound of papers being shuffled and someone muttering something about Mr. Regal being a pompous ass could be heard before and explosion of sparks and the rumbling of music consumed her senses.

    Everybody was on their feet cheering as Rattlesnake Rose's theme music began.  The sounds of the screaming fans seemed to fill her with energy, reminding her who she was doing this for.  She stepped out onto the causeway and threw her hands up in the air... only to be met with sheer stunned silence, even the music ground to a quick halt.  Lowering her arms and her head, she began what had to be the most unenergized and humiliating march to the ring ever performed.

Announcer 1:  “Err... ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the... New, I guess, Rattlesnake Rose?”  Something that sounded like, “he's really a chick?” could be heard through a hand pressed against the microphone.

    Diz, now Rattlesnake Rose, climbed through the ropes and glowered at her opponent's back.  As humiliating as her entrance had been the fact that the woman hadn't even bothered to turn around for it was the last straw.

    “Hey bimbo, I'm in the freaking ring, ya know!  How about you turn around so I can end this thing already?!”  The woman tensed up slightly at that last bit.

    “You're giving me an order?!” the woman asked incredulously, slowly turning to face her opponent.  “Oh you have so got the right to remain... absolutely gorgeous!” she shouted as took in the girl from head to toe several times.  “Who are you?  I was expecting some a little less.... busty.”

    “Were you even listening?  I'm the NEW Rattlesnake Rose!”

    “Oh and you've got a little bite as well...” the woman said to herself, casting another, much slower, appraising look up and down the girls' body.  “I think I'm gonna enjoy frisking you!”  Diz could only gulp at the hungry look in the woman's eyes as the bell wrung to signal the start of the match.

 

 

[End notes:

 

I was going to go through with the match and a little stuff afterwards but I honestly just don't give enough of a shit.  I think if I can rail this out in a little over a half an hour, having started without a speck of knowledge about the series then I think someone who actually gives a rats ass about the story should be able to do better.  *shrugs* maybe it's just me though, I have those pesky standards when it comes to writing.

Oh and just in case you throw another hissy fit and delete this, just know that I'll simply post it seperatly with a link to the original and an explanation of why it exists (since I'm really not even proud of the half assed level of effort I put in).  Maybe be a little more careful with what you wish for next time.  Enjoy!

Oh, and to everyone else reading along, do post a review and tell us what you think of the new direction the story has taken. ^_^

]

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