Chapter Nine - A lighter shade of Confused
I felt better this morning the second my eyes popped open... and not as dragged out and heavy as I had been feeling also. I noticed how wonderful that was from the second I had came to realize that another day had come around.
Laying curled up in my blankets and sort of enjoying the warmth that it was bringing me, I actually wanted to get up for a change. It was a far cry from e last few days of wanting to cover my head in these blankets and imitate a hibernating turtle... I now had the urge and energy to get up and greet this day that was just starting head on. I just was glad to feel this sort of lightness again.
I swung myself out of bed, and actually found myself really motivated to the extreme. With the sun shining so brightly on to the campus right below my window not to mention how that same light made my room seem cheery and happy... it made me wonder if this was going to finally bring me a great day. I needed to have one of those type of days, I decided that I was going to have one for myself.
I deserved that much fro the world.... after having so many of those types of grey days in a row, just the thought of it made me feel a little more optimistic than had been my norm over the last little while. This morning was such a real joy to actually wake up and see, that it made me break a huge smile even before getting myself out of bed.
On the flip side of my mood, I still was pondering what I had found and everything from last night. That was so vivid in my memory, but I also knew that I could do nothing about the many suspicions that came with finding the camera and stuff..
I had not really decided whether or not to keep looking into it or not, although my curiosity was still making me lean towards the yes side of things... even though I had been chased by that creepy guy. That did temper the extent of my feeling like I was wanting to continue on investigating.
I decided to just leave the camera and everything associated with it alone for the time being still and focus on what I had to do today. I wanted to have a little fun for a change, and also find out what was going on with Kerri for leaving that rather unusual note for me. That was clearly a priority for me to talk with her like she had asked to, considering that she has been one of my best friends.
I started to think back on some things, and found myself remembering this very strange saying that my Father had coined to me long time ago. Once my mind had brought it up from where it had laid dormant all of this time, the piece of wisdom he had given me seemed to have some actually merit with what was happening to me these days.
‘Some things can be fixed when they were not over-thought, it is the passage of time which usually straightens most things out as long as the person knows the consequences when even the passing of time don’t work.’ I could actually hear his low booming voice echo in my head... exactly the way he would say it.
Taking my fathers so good, yet so very long-winded piece advice into consideration coupled with what I had seen and the crappy few days I have had... that was a great piece of advice. Right there, I made the final decision for myself. I had to stop doing my little Nancy Drew imitation for now. Getting myself into trouble just because I was having this odd sense of curiosity that was driving my actions, was not a good idea at all.
To learn to back off like this, I have to thank my father later for. He always wanted me to stop doing things like this. I thought this through, and instantly knew that when it came to where those impulsive genes came from... I got the full truckload from my mother, or at least that was how my father always tried to explain away my actions.
Standing up and making a first step on the hardwood floor, I shuttered and pulled up that foot. The room, I found, was more than just a little cold on my naked body... and even colder feeling on my feet so early in the morning. The coolness had instantly gave me goosebumps all over my skim, even popping up in places I never knew could have them develop in the first place.
I shivered and thought about stuffing myself back into bed where it had been way warmer. I quickly came to realized that the harsh blast of cold was coming from my air conditioner. It was clear that damn thing was on the fritz once again, which was the reason behind the bone chilling antarctic feeling in my room.
I just wanted to get my day off right, and that was my mind set. I forced myself to start moving, reminding myself to tell the custodian for this dorm to fix the AC again.
" Damn useless piece of garbage!" I actually swore to myself, hating that this seemed to be happening a little more than usual... even though it had been very warm weather for a month now.
I was really starting to shiver violently as I started to move around the room a little faster than my normal leisurely pace, I was hoping that moving more briskly might warm me up enough to be comfortable in the grasp of my indoor arctic exhibit, while I cursed my air conditioning vent. Moving did seem to helped only a little bit, and I knew exactly what I had to do to help that out.
I slipped on my favourite royal purple coloured terrycloth robe before stopping to grab myself a clean uniform out of the closet. All I wanted to do was to have a quick shower before breakfast and meeting Kerri. I was feeling so dusty, sweaty and grimy from my little detective excursion the night before that my need to clean up was nearly this all consuming sort of thing. The fact that getting myself to have a shower would also warm me up the quickest way helped me move a little more speedily.
I quickly gathered up the things I needed to not only have a shower with, but my hair supplies and deodorant and stuff I would needed after. I knew I had to hurry to beat the crush of people that would be all trying get in and shower. I wanted warm water to help shuck off the freakish cold of my dorm room, instead of having to endure a cold shower because I was not fast enough. I had to have one of those very cold water showers a few days ago, and I was not wanting to endure another one after this.
I looked at the clock on my beside table as I went to leave my room. It was just a small bit before seven in the morning right now... I was just on time to make sure of having enough hot water. I giggled as I hurried out of my room, I was early... and that was starting to point to having that great day I so wanted to have.
The air was warm and just a little muggy feeling as I hurried across the school courtyard to meet with Kerri. I could smell the amazing aroma of freshly cut grass wafting on the light breezes, which made me feel so good. I love this time of spring, I told myself as I made my way down the brick pathway.
Making my way quickly, I could see that there were only a few people walking around on the campus grounds this morning. Most of St. Tomas’s girls were probably already waiting in the crush of the dining hall for breakfast to be served out. I was really looking forward to today’s breakfast, knowing very well that it was egg and hash brown day... my favourite morning meal food of all time.
Just the very thought of those scrambled eggs and the golden brownness of the diced potatoes spurred me on to walk a little faster to hurry and meet with Kerri. I wanted to talk over whatever it was that was so important, then head back for breakfast. I felt my stomach growl real hard with just thinking about that amazing meal... so I increased my steps and headed for where we were suppose to meet up. I wanted dearly to taste that breakfast, and my body was agreeing with that.
The Saints Hall loomed over me as I skirted around the outside of the building. I looked up at the stone statue of Saint Michael that was at the very peak of the huge roof as I hurried by, and shivered. Even though I knew that it was firmly attached to the Saint’s Hall, I always seemed to envision how that statue would come toppling off the roof to crashing to the ground... and right where I would be standing. I shuttered and kept on walking as I averted my eyes down at my feet as I moved.
This was honestly a childish little fear I always seemed to have gotten since I had been going here at St. Tomas...Ever since my first day. Every time I would ever go by, ore even inside of this over one hundred year old building, that little vision would jump out and hit me. I had it under control enough to the point that no one ever knew I was still having it, but I hated that damned fear always.
I scooted around to the back of the building, a place that was always used for important meetings with people sop we could be assured that the ‘penguins’ were not going to be around. It was used at time for other things like little trysts as well.. Or I had heard. That made me giggle with the onset of nerves. I had never thought about that towards Kerri ever, but the fact that the place was used for that still made my mind go there..
There was no one there yet among the large stand of trees that was the meeting spot. In the shadow thrown by the hall’s building, it was actually kind of creepy despite it being a very bright and sunny day. I looked around the little open part as I waited, feeling my nerves a little more than usual.
I knew I was completely on time, and hoped that Kerri would be as well. I knew that because I had been the one being that had arrived, was more than a little odd. Kerri was one of those very prompt type of people, the way she obsessed about doing that was almost bordering on being close to Obsessive Compulsive, this was still the first time that she had been late meeting anyone in a year or so. I waited, thinking that even my best friend could have been held up.
A rustling sound caught my ear, and I turned as I thought Kerri had shown up. I was gong to give her a smart remark or to about her being late. She always did that when I was late, because I was more often than not. Today, was my chance to give, rather than to receive that sort of ribbing.
I was thoroughly shocked as I turned, it was not my best friend who had shown up to meet me. It was none other than Louise who had shown up there.
" I knew that you would come if I wrote that note up just like if I was Kerri..." She said, looking at me.
" That was your note...?" I stammered, feeling so damned pissed off in a instant that I wanted to pummel her to a bloody pulp.
" I did..." She said flatly as her usual trademark smug smile was not even on her face at the moment.
I felt my muscles in my shoulders starting to really stiffen and get sore as they tightened more than I had ever felt before. I felt this wave of anger instantly crawl up into my chest, and go to ever last part of my body as I glared at the girl. I had never felt so angry in such a short amount of time.
" You have stooped to a new sort of low here, Louise... that is even for you, bitch..." I shot back, feeling angry that I had been pretty much duped. " Why in the hell would you do a damn thing like this?"
" Jenny.... I just had to..." She started.
" Why in the hell did you think that you had to?" I said so aghast that I could barely speak at the moment.
Louise seemed to stay basically calm as could be, even though it was clear that I was rip-roaring mad at the moment. She paused as I never said another word, simply staring at her with a fixed glare.
" You would have never came, if I had just left a note that was from me... and if I tried to talk face to face, you would not even let me do that..." She said.. " This was the only option that seemed would have worked."
" After what you did to me, did to Ashley...to me and everything else I have seen you do... I would have ignored you ass...." I said, feeling my anger rising in my chest. " I will put it in words you will understand....Fuck you!"
" But..." She stammered a little.
" Just go to hell!" I said, putting a heavy accent on the last word to emphasize it.
I went to turn ad storm off, and just leave the girl standing there in the wake of my anger but she stopped me with a unusual soft touch of her hand.
" Please... listen to me, Jenny..." She said, the smugness and such that usually was in her voice, was not there. " I am in big trouble here..."
I was going to be the bitch from hell myself and just walk off, but I found that I could not even move. There was something in the tone in her voice, and in the way she was just being made me rethink my anger. I stopped and looked right at her, my mind not quite grasping this change in acting on the part of this girl.
" If you have found yourself bein’ pregnant, I can’t help you with that... and neither if you have caught some disease from that scumbag you were with for money... and if you want redemption for your deeds..." I said, almost growling by now. " ... you know that confessions are on sundays..."
" I wish it was any one of them..." She said, her voice wavering, " I know what to do about those things in a heartbeat... I don’t know about what I find myself dealing with...."
I was stunned to see things that I never knew the girl could ever feel or that I would see in her. There was a fear hanging in Louise’s eyes, a fear that was clearly genuine. I could see that all of this might not at all be a ploy... seeming that it was all just someone that was reaching out. I knew that I needed to find out a few things.
" What is it??" I found myself asking, against my better judgment.
She looked at me, and did not smile.
" I found a few pictures of myself that had been posted up on the Internet on a sleazy site that was all down on a compact DVD... one that I am horrified to see..." She said, stumbling over her words as she tried to explain. " It is of me naked and screwing that worker you caught me with... in all of it’s horrible details...."
" Pictures?" I said, thinking back to the web camera that had been hidden in that classroom.
" More than pictures..." She started to say, seemingly relieved that I seemed to be listening to her.
" It was actually perhaps that it was more along the lines of a video of you screwing, was it not..." I said bluntly, thinking back to what I had found.
The girl blinked a few times in a row, and her mouth made a instant ‘o’ shape as she looked right at me. She was not expecting that I would even know something like that.
" Yeah... did you see it too?" She gasped, very surprised at what I had divulged to her.
" I have not seen the pictures of you......" I said, now seeing that I needed to explain myself more than just this.
" What do you mean not exactly?" Louise prodded, obviously hearing that which was in my voice.
I would have never say anything about it only a few minutes ago, still angered over everything that had happened between the two of us... now here I was telling here about what I had found playing ‘Nancy Drew’ last night. I told her what I had been suspicious about, the breaking into the school and what I found when I had searched through the largely empty room where she had been ‘having fun’ with that very creepy school worker.
Louise just stood there and listened while I came out with everything. Her eyes were showing the huge amount of shock she was feeling towards this all... and perhaps her mind was now realizing a few things about herself all at the same time that I was telling her about it all. I was seeing that in her. What ever it was, seemed to hit the girl.
When I was finished saying all of what I had to explain, I watched as Louise shook her head in disbelief.
" There was a heating vent... with a goddamned webcam stashed in side of it?" The girl stammered.
" Yes... there was a camera there...." I replied, nodding at her. " I got on a table and saw it myself... it was the same sort of camera we have installed on the computer labs up on the second floor in school."
" And you also saw that there was some sort of cord or wire that you saw really did led into that room at the back of that classroom?" She asked. " And that door was right at the very back of that same room?"
" Yes..." I said.
" And it was locked?"
" I tried it myself... it was locked..." I replied back.
Louise stood there for a moment, looking at the ground. It was more than obvious that the girl’s mind was flying with every little piece of information I had given. She seemed at first more than a little bit confused, then she seemed to be getting this air of being angry without saying a word.
" I always had wondered why that asshole always finished with me, and then hurried into that room with that stupid smirk on his face...." She gasped, as she held her face in her hands. " He would just leave me there to dress and count the money he left, and now I see what he might have been doing too..." She shook her head and took a long breath in " Guess I deserve that."
I stood there for a moment, my anger wanted to agree that she did deserve all of this shit and then some, but I knew that was not right to think. Nobody needed to be taken advantage of like this, especially with their own bodies... not even this bitch of a girl who had come between the me and the first person I had started to really like in that way. I looked into her sad eyes, and I could not believe how I was feeling at the moment. I was beginning to like her in someway a fact that was now blowing my mind.
Louise then looked right at me, her face now sported a few tears on her cheeks..
" What in the hell am I gonna do now, Jenny... What?" She said, looking so defeated, with her shoulders slumped forwards. " God, I am so embarrassed about all of this... oh, damn!! I don’t know how I got to this point in my life..."
I was stunned at the change that had come over this girl, a change that made me not want to hate the her any longer. I disliked the fact that I was now starting to think of ways I could possibly help her. It shocked me to even think that way, but deep down I knew that it was the right thing to do as well.
" I don’t know what we can do... but if you want some help..." I offered, almost before I was sure I wanted to.
She blinked, her face now was a mask of blankness.
" You would... actually help me do something about this?" She asked me.
" Sure, I will..." I said, still in a state of my own shock at how I was feeling so willing to help her out like this.
" But what I have done... and everything that you have heard of as well..." She sputtered, showing her remorse she now was having... and all of it seemed pretty much honest " You will help me?"
Truth be known, I had no clue to what in the hell either one of us was going to do, or the fact that I still had some reservations about doing this in the first place.. This was one situation I had never even thought of, little alone had came across. Myself, I had absolutely no idea to even start. I ended up explaining to her that we needed to meet sometime later and discuss what we might be able to do. I was clear with the point that I really had no idea yet, but she was so happy that I was going to help. She agreed to meet during our free time that was always scheduled just before everyone was to be in bed.
With that idea set in place, I just left it as that so I may hurry myself to get to breakfast for something to eat Louise hurried past me and headed straight to the dining hall as well, waving as she did. She had said that we might have to hide that we were talking, until we could have some sort of plan in effect... if it was the creepy man using that camera, he should never know that we were talking.
I had agreed to that for safety reasons, but a little part of me was still pretty deeply suspicious of the girl... despite my apparent urge to help her out all of a sudden. I fought the fact that I was now willing to trust and even help someone who had done all of this crappy stuff to me in the first place... and all just because I had a feeling to do so.
I finally got to the large building that housed the dining area, I was still mulling over all of these new developments as I did.
" I hope I am not setting myself up for anything..." I said to myself, knowing very well that I had set wheels in motion... and there seemed to be no brakes on them all.